"Complicated Heart" By Blue Topaz

TITLE : Complicated Heart

AUTHOR: Blue Topaz

EMAIL: blue-topaz@lycos.com

RATING: PG

CATEGORY: Drama, Romance

SUMMARY: Sequel to 'Thread of Destiny'

PAIRING: Sam/Jack

SPOILERS: none

STATUS : In Progress

ARCHIVE: SJD yes.

DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. No copyright infringement is intended. Please do not post or distribute this story without the author's permission. Copyright by Blue Topaz, 2002

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PART 1: LOVE IS SIMPLE

Oh puh-lease.

I don't even know why I read this stupid magazine, someone left it on the commissary table and I just picked it up out of my boredom. It has this Q&A section and the title caught my eyes. I throw the magazine in disgust and knock Daniel's tray in the process. Ups, I forgot that he's here, and he looks at me.

"Sam?" Daniel seems concerned about my behaviour. We're having our breakfast together.

"Yes Daniel?" I ask innocently.

"Uhm, nothing." That's why I love him so much, he knows when not to ask stupid questions, "Out of curiosity though, what did the magazine do to you to deserve that?" ... maybe I spoke too soon.

I shrug, "Nothing." I play around with my fork and left-over pie on my plate.

Daniel takes the magazine and flicks through it. He stops on one of the pages.

"Love is simple." He reads the sentence.

Daniel is smart, too smart for his own good.

"Understatement of the century, don't you think?" I tell him exactly what I feel about it.

He frowns, "Is it because of your relationship with him?"

He doesn't have to say who 'him' is, we both know.

"Daniel, can you really say that we're in a relationship?" I try to sound neutral.

He smiles, "It depends on your definition of what 'relationship' is."

"What's your definition?"

"Me? Come on Sam, it's got nothing to do with me.", he teases me.

"Look Daniel, forget about it, okay? I just don't see the truth in the statement." I'm really not in the mood to talk about this, I get up from my chair.

"Sam.", he grabs my arm, effectively stopping me from walking away from him.

I look at him questioningly.

"Love is simple ... it's the heart that makes it complicated.", he smiles and then lets go of my arm. His words hit me hard, he's right.

-----------------------------

I love him, he loves me. It is simple.

So what makes it complicated? Is it really my heart? The heart that says fighting the Goa'uld is more important than being together? The heart that says my planet needs me more than I need my own happiness? The heart that says I can wait for that 'someday'? The very same heart that also says I want more now?

I still remember every word that he said and not said when he asked me to wait for 'us'. I cherish that moment, the one moment in my life where I first realised how good it was to be wanted and loved by the man I love. I take out the ribbon from my wallet, the ribbon that he gave me in Boru. I run my finger over the characters, 'Love', 'Luck' and 'Destiny'. Can I have it all?

"Carter?", his voice wakes me up from my self-interrogation.

I tilt my head up to see him standing in my lab's doorway, and automatically I smile, "Hi Sir."

He returns the smile and walks towards me, "What ya doin'?"

"Nothing important really, just doing some reports on our last mission." I half-lie to him. I was in the middle of writing the reports when the conversation with Daniel this morning decided to distract me. My laptop is still in front of me.

"Oh ..." he raised his eyebrows, " can I borrow it when you finish with it?"

I let out a small laugh and shake my head in amusement, "Only if you give me what you've been promising me for the last 3 months." He always has his way with me and I don't mind. Not at all.

"3 months? Has it been 3 months already?" he asks in disbelief.

"Yes, 3 months since you promised me the picture, 2 months since the deadline that I gave you, and I'm still waiting." I say patiently.

"Look Carter, can we just forget about this."

"No way, Sir. I did say that I wanted this more than anything."

"It wasn't my fault that I actually got shot again, was it?" That was the reason why I still haven't got the picture. On our first mission after he recovered from his injury, we encountered some not so friendly natives. So, he picked up another injury and my picture had to wait again.

"But you are fully recovered now, aren't you?"

"Well, yeah. But ... "

I raise my hand to stop him talking, "I don't want to hear any reason. I want it by tomorrow."

"Hey, I'm still your commanding officer you know? You can not just give me an ultimatum like that." He challenges me.

I can't hold back a grin, "Wanna bet?"

His eyes are narrowed, "What do you got on your little sneaky mind, Major?"

"You don't want me to spread rumours around the base that Jack O'Neill wore a sarong, do you?" I present him with a smug grin.

"You wouldn't dare." He threatens me, but I know him good enough not to take it seriously.

"I'll do anything necessary to get what I want."

He throws his hands in defeat, "Fine, fine. You'll get it tomorrow."

Finally, 3 months worth of waiting will pay off. He smiles when he sees the ribbon on the desk.

"You still have it."

I look at his eyes, "Yeah. It helps remind me of ... things."

"Good things?"

"Good things."

We just stare at each other for some time. No words are exchanged, we're just sharing the feelings, the affection that chases away all my doubts. Daniel is right, love is simple.

He breaks the silence, "Can I ask you something now that you're going to get what you wanted?"

"Sure."

"Can I borrow your mission report when you finish writing it?"

*******************************

Larry was furious, Wagner had ruined all his plans. The SGC was aware of his intentions now, he had to plan his next step very carefully. It's true what people said, if you want to get a job done, you have to do it yourself. The treaty with the Hailan was going well, his employee had no reasons to let O'Neill live another day. Earth will get the naquada and he will get rid of O'Neill.

Larry took out his mobile phone and dialled up some numbers, "This is Larry, get me Senator Kinsey."

*******************************

PART 2: LATE NIGHT VISITOR

*Click*

What was that? My eyes snap open. Someone is downstairs, breaking into my house. What time is it? Glancing at my digital alarm clock next to my bed, it shows 02.47. Robbers these days!! Can't they pick a decent time to do their thing? Any time when I'm not sleeping? I'll show them who they're messing with.

Hesitantly, I leave the warmth of my bed and head towards my closet where the rock-solid baseball bat rested. I've always wanted to use one of these, I guess now it's the time. By the sound of the footsteps, the intruder is getting closer. Gripping at the bat tightly with both hands, I wait next to my door.

The door opens slowly, concealing my body from the intruder. As soon as I see a head, I swing the bat hard. The next thing I know ... I am pinned down on the floor by a familiar figure. The moonlight from my bedroom window shines on the intruder's face.

"Carter, what on Earth did you do that for?" he hisses.

Yep, it's the Colonel alright. Asking the obvious question when I'm the one who's supposed to ask the question.

"Me? Oh you know ... just doing my job as a good citizen, cracking the head of an INTRUDER." I hissed at him back and then add innocently, "What about you?"

"Uh ... yeah right. Sorry, my mistake."

He gets up and offers his hand to help me, I take it and pull myself up. I put my hands on my waist and wait for his explaination, I must admit that I'm not a nice person when I have my sleep interrupted. He looks at me uncomfortably.

"You might want to put something on first." he says sheepishly. I look at the state of my choice of sleeping clothes, a tank top and baggy pants. At least he finds me attractive in these, or else he wouldn't ask me to put something on it. I feel a little bit cold now, the night air is breezing through the open windows. So, I walk to my bed and sneak under the blanket, can't be bothered to do anything else.

"Carter?" he's confused by my actions.

"Look Sir, it's ." I look at the clock, "02.52 in the morning. If you want something from my place, just take it and leave. If you want to drop something, put it on the table and leave. Don't forget to lock the door on your way out. I'm just going to resume my dream and I'm willing to pretend that none of this is happening if you do it quietly." As much as I love to have him in my house, I love my sleep more right now. I pull the blanket up to my neck and am ready to doze off. Ahhhh, the magic of my comfy bed is working right now, I close my eyes.

"Carter." His voice is much closer now. I open my eyes to see a pair of brown eyes just inches from me, he's sitting on the edge of the bed and leaning towards me. His hands are on the bed, trapping me in between while supporting his position.

"What?" I put a pleading tone in my voice, I really need this sleep.

"I brought your picture with me." He gets this playful childish atmosphere about him that makes him forgivable for whatever he has done.

"You broke into my house to bring the picture you're so eager not to give me?" I smiled weakly, still overwhelmed by the urge to sleep.

"Err ... yes?" he says not-so-confidently.

"Why don't I buy it?"

"Because you know me too well?"

"I sure do."

He smiles sadly and then I realise that something is wrong, "What is it?" I ask.

"I came to tell you that ..." he hesitates.

I stretch my hand to his face and stroke it gently, "Go on."

"Remember when I said that I don't want to keep any secrets from you?"

I nod my head.

"I'm going away for a while."

That surely gets my full attention, sleep is no longer on my mind now.

"What are you saying?"

He strokes my cheek.

"Maybourne showed up at my house earlier."

Damn that man, why can't he just leave us alone.

"What did he say?"

"Kinsey has a new plan, I have to go for a while."

Who else? That creep doesn't know when to stop.

"And you trust Maybourne on this?"

"He might of been a pain in the ass when he was still in the NID, but he's a decent man in his own way. I trust him."

He's right. Maybourne is actually an 'okay' guy once he quit the NID, he did help us twice, with my kidnapping and Teal'c's problems.

"How long?"

"I don't know. I told Hammond, he said that I should request a personal leave for some time and just disappear. Go to where Kinsey's men won't find me."

"And where is that?"

"I don't know yet. But you can't tell anyone about Maybourne. Not even Teal'c and Daniel. Someone might be watching."

He's going away.

"And I might not be able to contact you when I'm away. It's too risky."

Unconsciously, my hand moves from his face down to his shirt and grabs it tightly. I don't want him to go, ever.

"Hey, I'm not going to hide, I'm going after Kinsey. Finish all this once and for all ...", he takes a lock of my hair and plays with it, "... and come back to you."

His eyes pierce down to my heart, showing that he meant what he said. He has his own problems and I don't want to be one of them.

"I will be waiting."

I know that he has to go, more than anything I understand his decision. I've worked with this man for years, his attitude never fails to upset people on and off-world. Kinsey is a dangerous man, he has the power and the money.

"Thanks. I don't want to go without you knowing the real reason why."

He lowers his head and kisses my forehead. My heart aches, I want more. I put my hands around him and pull him close.

"I will be waiting." Once again I say it. To let him know about my feelings and to reassure myself that he will come back.

Part 3: The Cayans

It's not hard to be miserable these days, the Colonel is not here. Which means no one comes by to my lab and distracts me from my work, and I hate it. No one brings me coffee, cookies, orange juice, sandwiches, chocolate bars, comic books, lame jokes, yoyos, GameBoy and the list goes on and on. Don't get me wrong, I like the stuff that he brought along to my lab, but I miss him more. It's disturbingly quiet and gives me a sense of loss.

Daniel and Teal'c were surprised when General Hammond broke the news, but they seemed to take it well. I pretended to be shocked but I don't think that I'd fooled those guys, and to their credit, they didn't press the matter. SG-1 is on downtime until the Colonel is back, but we'll be assisting other teams if they have any problems. That suits us well, I have some gizmos to play with (it's fun!!), Daniel has some translation as always, and Teal'c has a 3 box-set of The Simpsons to go through (the Colonel thinks that the Simpsons is the true representation of an American family, and Teal'c being Teal'c, trusts him and borrowed his Simpson's videos.).

I take a deep breath, I have a piece of alien technology laying in front of me. SG-7 brought this back from P9Y T81, and the natives of this planet (they call themselves the Cayans) are almost on the same level of technology as we are, but they found some alien technology from one of their 'archaeological' sites. They found 6 metal boxes with writings and buttons on them but they couldn't figure them out. So when Major Gibbs explained that we (the SGC) had more experience in dealing with aliens' gadgets than they did (the Cayans had only put the gate in use and began exploring the 'outside' world for about 6 Earth months), they let SG-7 borrow one of the metal boxes.

Daniel had pointed out that the writing is Ancient's but he couldn't read it, because he never encountered the variation of the writing before. From the brief history lesson that the Cayans gave SG-7, they were taken by the Goa'uld and used as miners for the naquada mines. After the naquada ran out, they were left on the planet. Several decades later, an Ancient came through the Stargate and lived among them, sharing some of his wisdom with them, and that is why the Cayans are as advanced as they are now. Daniel argued that if the Ancient hadn't interfered with their development, the Cayans most likely would be in the same stage of evolution as the people of Abydos. The archaeological site where they found the metal box is believed to be the secret lab of the Ancient.

I strip the box and have a good look inside. The components that it has are consistent with the DHD and naquada generators, it is an Ancient's technology after all. Slowly, I open the cylinder that is supposed to be the core. Hmm, it is a naquada-based generator, but it doesn't seem to generate energy now. I change the core, laser, probe, electrocute, poke, stare and do everything possible that I can think of (short of actually losing it and giving the core a good smack with a hammer) and it's still ... not working. It's supposed to do something, the electrometer showed that it was emitting something, a radiation of some sort. Times like these make me miss the Colonel most, at least when he's here I can divert my frustration to him (he is more frustrating than anything I've ever faced, but in a good way). Speaking of the Colonel, where is he now? It's been 3 days and it feels like forever ... is he alright?

"Sam." I turn my head to see Daniel and Teal'c are at the door.

"Hi guys." I can always use a break from this.

"Wanna get some dinner?" Dinner? What time is it already? I look at my watch, it's 19.52. I guess the box took quite a lot of my time.

"Yes, sure. I'm just going to tidy this up a bit."

"You need help?" Daniel walks towards me, Teal'c follows behind him.

"No, I'm alright. Have you made any progress with the translations?" I reassemble the box, and accidentally my finger pushes one of the buttons.

*Wham*

What was that? Teal'c was thrown back, hit the wall and slumped down to the floor, like he was knocked by something.

"Teal'c? Are you alright?" I quickly run to his side.

"I am fine, Major Carter." The Jaffa gets up to his feet.

"What was that?" Daniel asks in confusion.

"I do not know. There was an invisible force that stuck me." Teal'c explained.

"Sam?" Daniel turns to me for an answer.

"Don't look at me." What? Because this happened in my lab then automatically I'm supposed to know the answer?

Daniel looked thoughtful for a while, "... maybe it has something to do with that?", he points at the alien device that gave me enough headaches for a week.

"... maybe." I say. Yes, let's just blame it on the alien box.

" ... I haven't actually finished the translations yet but one of the words that I could make out from that is 'protection'."

"And ... ?" That is too cryptic, I need more information.

He ignores my question, "Teal'c, try to get closer to the box, but do it slowly."

Teal'c raises one of his eyebrows, but does what Daniel asked him to do anyway. He walks slowly towards the box, he doesn't have to go far, after he takes about two steps forward, he is stopped by something. An invisible barrier.

"Forcefield ..." I think outloud.

"Yes, just like I thought. This is a forcefield, to give protection from the Goa'uld." Daniel smiles.

Okay, let me get it straight. I have made it work all this time? Great, I just have to make an important mental note today, don't forget to use a Goa'uld or Jaffa as one of the testing equipment in association with alien technology for further references (it could save me loads of time).

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You made it work?" A pair of wide eyes stare at me in excitement.

"Uhm ... yes. The core of the generator is made by naquada. My guess is that the original naquada in the core had lost its power after thousands of years, and all you have to do to make it work is replace the naquada."

"I see." The owner of the eyes speaks. Her name is Servit, one of the Cayan's council members, "If you would like to excuse me, I have to inform the others about this good news."

"Yes, of course."

She raises one of her hands and a man steps forward, "This is Malib, he will be your guide in Cayan. Please do explore our world and get to know us better."

"If you don't mind, we would like to see the chamber where you found the boxes." Daniel's been nagging about that ever since he heard that we were going to Cayan. The forcefield was very good news, if we could understand how it works, we might be able to generate a giant barrier for the whole Earth.

"Yes, Malib will take you there."

"Thank you."

She pardoned herself and then disappeared behind one of the doors. We are in a common room of the Cayan's version of city council. Teal'c and Captain Hike are securing the parameter near the gate, while Daniel and I are with the rest of SG-7, performing our duty as Earth's representatives.

"I will take you to Abel's chamber." Malib says.

Abel is the name of the Ancient.

"Major Carter, I'd like to stay in the city. To get to know the people better." Gibbs asks. If we want to have a diplomatic relationship with these people, we have to know them through and through.

"Sure, bring Trance with you. Barlow, you're with us." I give the orders.

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Can we go now?" Daniel is eager to get there soon.

"Yes, Daniel. We can go now." Now I know why the Colonel has grey hair.

****************************************************

"She can make the device work."

"Then she is the Redeemer."

"What if she refuses?"

"I sensed unhappiness in her."

"Do you know what she wanted?"

"I have to spend more time with her to clear the vision."

"Granted."

"She has the wisdom. We need her."

"We shall make an offer that she can not refuse."

"You haven't answered my question, what if she refuses?"

"... Then we will perform the 'Havus'."

"But it is forbidden."

"We need her. It's my final decision."

****************************************************

Jack O'Neill looked up to the dark Washington night sky. He could not see the stars but he knew that she was there, somewhere. Maybourne had an access to NID files, and NID has an access to SGC. He knew her every step, he just wished that he could be there with her. Maybourne's plan was working, Kinsey's men wouldn't ever think of looking for him here. Washington is Kinsey's home, Maybourne even managed to get a house just miles away from Kinsey's house. The most dangerous place is the safest.

He just wanted to get back to her soon. But he had to be patient, he had to nail Kinsey for good this time. He watched the sky again and whispered gently, "Night, Carter." And then he walked inside the house and closed the door.

****************************************************

PART 4: WITHOUT HIM

"Are you happy with your life?"

I look at the woman in annoyance, way beyond annoyance actually. She's been plastering me all day with very personal questions, and I mean VERY personal. Now I know why the Colonel has such a sarcasm in him, it's hard not to. And me, being in his shoes now, finding it difficult not to practise his art of diplomacy.

"Yes, Servit. I couldn't be more happier with my life." Fighting some overdressed psychos on a daily basis, have a man that's labelled 'don't touch but you can look', have a friend with a snake in his belly, have a FATHER with a snake in his head, don't forget I once HAD a snake in my head, oh yeah, I couldn't be more happier with my life. See, I bet only a few of you have more interesting lives than mine.

She shakes her head.

"You are not being honest."

I raise my eyebrow ala Teal'c, "What makes you say that?"

She smiles, "I have the ability."

Okaaaayyyy, "Ability to do what?"

"To sense deceptions."

"What do you mean?" This alien is not only frustrating but also very confusing. If only she wasn't one of the Grand members (the Cayan's bureaucrats), I would've made my escape long ago.

She closes her eyes, "I have what your people call ... telepathic power."

Great, just what I need, a frustratingly annoying and confusing alien who has a psychic ability, the Colonel would be thrilled if he were here, "You mean ... you can read my mind?"

"Not exactly, but I can sense your feelings."

Now, that's just saying it in different way, "Prove it." I challenge her.

"You don't trust me?" She asks.

"I'm a scientist Servit, I look at things based on facts, on evidence."

She smiles again, "What if I say that there is someone in your life. Someone who is very dear to you."

I'm so not gonna fall for that one, "Everybody has someone important in their life."

"Yes, but he is constantly on your mind. You've been connecting everything you see and hear to him. He is supposed to be here with you, but for some reason he is not. I believe you referred to him as ... the Colonel and yet it is not his name ... curious."

Either the rest of my team and SG-7 are big-mouthed or she really could read my mind.

She senses my doubt, "Your people did not say anything about him. It was your feelings that gave it away. Such a strong emotion, it's not hard to miss."

Yes, she could read my mind. I frown, "Look, I'm not sure what your culture thinks about this, but for us, what you did is a violation to privacy."

"Privacy?"

"Yes, it is someone's right to be free from an unsanctioned intrusion."

"Are you saying that my ability is an intrusion?"

"Yes." I almost shout there.

"Then I must apologise. However, my ability is not something that I have control of, it is just there. It's like hearing voices with my ears, only I can not plug the ears."

She's got a point there.

"Okay, you are right, you can't help it. But I will be grateful if you don't talk about what you sense from me with anyone else."

She nods her head, "I understand."

I'm glad we covered that, "Does everybody in Cayan have the same ability as yours?" I really need to ask this.

"No, only the Chosen ones have the privilege to inherit this ability."

"And how many of the Chosen ones are there in Cayan?" I need names, so that I can avoid them.

"There are three of us and because of this ability we were made Grand."

"Are you saying that all the Grands have this ability?"

"Yes. It helps us in dealing with our people."

Great, all I have to do is stay away from the Grands, and it will be very easy because I'm in command of this mission. Just peachy. Wait a minute ... peachy? Did I just use that word? Man, I think more and more like the Colonel these days and it's kinda spooky, nice kind of spooky.

"You are thinking about him again."

Oops, I forgot that there is a mind reader with me.

"Yes." There's no point in lying.

She gives me an odd look, "Is it because of him that you are unhappy?"

This is exactly the kind of conversation that I don't want to have with a complete stranger.

"Don't get me wrong, but I'm not entirely comfortable discussing this matter with you."

"Yes, of course. My apology."

Major Gibbs suddenly appears in the door, "Major Carter, we're ready to leave now."

"Ah, yes. Have you got anything that you need with you?"

"Yes."

"Okay. I'll walk you back to the gate." I turn to Servit, "Please excuse me."

"Yes, of course."

Daniel wanted to stay in Cayan to study Abel's chamber in more depth and General Hammond had granted his request, beside the Cayan's Grands had also shown interest in making an alliance with us. So SG-7 will go back to the SGC today, bringing all the readings and mineral samples that we've took while SG-1 will remain here. Gibbs and I walk side by side through the city on our way to the Stargate.

"Gibbs, I want your honest opinion."

He looks at me questioningly, "About what?"

I look around the city, it seems like a normal one, but there's something that is definitely odd here, "What do you think about these people?"

He sighs, "I'm not sure Major. They seemed normal, but they were too ... cautioned."

"The Grands can read minds."

Gibbs is surprised by my revelation, "Are you sure?"

"Servit told me."

"And you trust her?"

"She read mine." I tell him matter-of-factly

He is silenced for a while, "This is not good."

"Ya think?" Yep, I definitely sound more and more like the Colonel.

Gibbs chuckles for a while, "Colonel O'Neill rubbed off on you, huh?"

"Can't blame me for that. Even Teal'c and Daniel got a pinch of his sarcasm."

"Dear God, he infected every member of his team. Remind me not to let my kids near him, would you Ma'am?"

We grin at that, "Don't worry Major, you have to spend at least 5 years with him to join the rest of SG-1 in our incurable stage."

"Oh no, Major. He needs 5 years time with the three of you because you're strong. Hike, Trance and Barlow are still innocent, give the Colonel 5 minutes and I'll have a team of mini Jack O'Neill's on my hands. Every team leader's nightmare." He pretends to shudder.

"It sure is."

"Is there anything else that you want me to relay to the General, Major?"

"Just tell him what I've told you."

"Got it."

We walk in silence for a while.

"Hey, you want to do some more dishing on your CO while he isn't here? We'll take turns." Gibbs offers. The Stargate is still quite far.

I think about his proposal for a while ... might as well do that. Sorry Colonel, but this is your own fault, you are not here.

"What you got?"

Gibbs laughs, "Okay, I heard it from one of the SF. Apparently, he's a closet romantic."

I've already known that, "Really? What gave it away?"

"The SF heard him humming a love song in the shower."

This is new. I couldn't stifle a giggle, "He sings?", it's definitely a picture that I have to see.

"Not singing, just humming."

"Did the SF say what song?"

"It's 'Crazy', you know, the one that Julio Iglesias sings."

I have to chuckle at that, mmm ... maybe I can blackmail him to sing that song for me. That would make my day.

"Your turn." Gibbs says.

Mmm, which of the Colonel's secrets are safe to go round the SGC rumour mills?

"He thinks that Homer Simpson is the greatest American ever."

Gibbs winces at that, "Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"What makes him think that?"

"Beats me."

I honestly don't know the answer to that question. Not that I wanted to know anyway ... okay that was just a pure white lie. I am ANXIOUS to know, but he kept tight lips on that matter.

"Your turn." I say.

"Okay ... he had a tattoo on his ...", Gibbs clears his throat, " rear ..." , he pauses, "of a white dove."

Oh Boy, this is good, really good. Why haven't I thought about doing this before?

************************************

"I have the vision."

"Then we will do it soon."

"Are you sure that this is wise?"

"We need her."

"Our time is running out."

************************************

"Maybourne, we've been here for almost a week now, come on. Hack into his computer, do some snooping, get something out, just do something." Jack O'Neill was not a happy camper. He had a bad feeling, the instinctive nudge that said something was wrong, very wrong.

"Jack, Kinsey is not stupid, it's not that easy." Maybourne snapped. He's been trying so hard to get back at Kinsey, he used him and then let him rot in that jail. If Jack hadn't given him a chance, he would still be there. That was one of the reasons why he warned him about Kinsey's plan. He quite liked Jack actually, not that he would tell him that.

Jack knew this, but he couldn't help himself. He paced around the room, "Look ... maybe we're looking in the wrong direction."

Maybourne adverted his gaze from the computer screen to him, "I'm listening."

"Tell me about Larry."

"Nothing much, he's a free agent, Kinsey occasionally used him. Rumors said that he never failed to do his job ... until Wegner."

"So ... this is what? He wants to tie up a loose end?"

Maybourne sighed, "Jack, you're not a loose end, you're a pain in the ass."

"OY."

"Are you denying this?"

Jack said nothing, "Let's get back to the problem. Where can we find Larry?"

"Why do you want to find him?"

"He might have something that we can use to get at Kinsey."

"You're right. Larry is a professional, he must have something as an insurance in case Kinsey turns his back on him. I'll check it immediately."

Maybourne concentrated back to his computer while Jack muttered under his breath, "I'm always right."

"Did you say something?" Maybourne asked, his eyes were still fixed to the screen.

"Nothing."

************************************

PART 5: LOVE THAT CAN NOT EXIST

"Unauthorized off-world activation."

Sgt. Davis announced through the intercom.

"Do we have a team due back, Sgt.?" General Hammond had just walked inside the gateroom.

"No, Sir." Davids replied.

"Receiving an IDC ... it's the Abydosian Sir."

"Open the iris."

Dozens of SF were ready to greet whoever came through the gate down the ramp when two familiar figures walked out from the blue shimmering puddle.

"Stand down." The General ordered, he then quickly ran down to the gateroom.

"Dr. Jackson, Teal'c, what happened? Where's Major Carter?"

Daniel looked pale, it was Teal'c who answered, "General Hammond, the Cayans have taken Major Carter as a prisoner. We have to go back to P9Y T81 and liberate her."

Hammond didn't like the sound of that, he barked some orders, "I need to hear the whole story. We'll debrief immediately. Someone get a MALP and SG-3 ready for a rescue operation."

*******************************************

There are 3 people in the room. Well ... it's 4 if you count me. Servit is one of them, I guess they are the Grands.

"Major Carter, we are sorry for this inconvenience." Servit breaks the silence between us.

Inconvenience? They call this an inconvenience?

"Please don't be angry." One of the other Grands says.

I look at them, "Who are you? And what do you want with me?"

"My name is Hunsa, I am the leader of the Grands. And this is Ba'ek, one of the Grands and of course you already know Servit."

Oh great, a bunch of mind readers.

"What do you want?" My diplomatic mood is definitely on a switch-off mode.

Servit walks towards me, "We need your help."

"You have a funny way to show it."

"Please." She pleades, "listen to what we have to say first."

I sigh, I guess I don't really have much of a choice, do I? I just hope that Daniel and Teal'c are alright.

"Don't worry, your friends are unharmed. We let them go through the Great Ring."

I really have to get used to the fact that they can read my mind.

"Okay, what do you want?"

Hunsa, the leader, approaches me. He raises his hand, I can see that he has something that suspiciously looks like the ribbon device. Instinctively, I step back, "That is a Goa'uld ribbon device, isn't it?" I ask warily.

"No, this is Abel's stone. Please relax and look at the stone." He answers.

"Why would I do that?"

Servit is the one who answers, "Please just do as he says. After that, we will tell you everything."

These people are weird, but they did say that they need my help, I guess the stone won't be dangerous.

I take a step forward and stare at the stone ...

And I wait ... it's supposed to do something.

I wait ...

Nothing.

And wait ...

Still staring at the stupid stone ...

It's quite a beautiful stone actually, it has a color like I've never seen before. Mixture between green and blue, wonder what it's made of, maybe a cross between sapphire and ...

"Carter."

That voice, I know that voice anywhere. I turn my head and gasp at the figure in front of me.

"Sir ..."

I am totally shocked, why is he here? He's wearing jeans, white T-shirt and the black leather jacket that he loves so much. What's going on here?

"How ..."

Before I could say anything else, he launches himself towards me and holds me close, one of his hands is on my back while the other runs through my hair. Sensation rushes through my system, shutting down my senses, all I can feel is him.

"I'm tired, Carter." He whispers in my ear.

I'm confused, "Of what, Sir?"

"Of dreaming."

"Dreaming?"

"Yes ... dreaming about the love that can not exist."

Did he just say that? I don't believe this, I pull out from his embrace, "It DOES exist Sir, we just can't act upon it."

His eyes look straight into mine, "Don't kid yourself Carter, our love is only a dream ... and when you dream you will miss what's in front of you."

Okaaay, this is strange. He looks like the Colonel, smells likes the Colonel, sounds likes the Colonel, warm like the Colonel, Hell, even his eyes are the Colonel's eyes, but he doesn't speak like him.

"Who are you?" I distance myself from him.

There's pain in his eyes when I ask the question.

"It's me, Carter."

I shake my head, "I don't believe you. The Colonel would never say something like that."

"I might never of said something like that, but it doesn't mean that I don't think about it."

That's true and it hurts. It really does hurt.

"What do you want then?" I ask him the question that I don't want to know the answer to. I can feel moisture in my eyes.

He reaches towards me and once again pulls me into his embrace, "I want you to give us a chance."

"I do give us a chance Sir."

He puts a hand on my chin and lifts up my head so that our gazes meet.

"I want you to give us a chance ... now."

He's asking the impossible, "We both agreed that now is not a good time."

"Now is perfect, Carter. Trust me."

I can feel teardrops fall from my eyes, "I can't."

He is wounded by my words, and he is choked when he asks me, "Why?"

"Because no matter how much I want to say yes ... "

I knew it from the moment I saw him in this room ... I knew it, but it still hurts.

"... you're just a figment of my imagination."

*******************************************

"She is strong."

"She resists her own desire."

"Maybe we should try again tomorrow."

"Yes."

"We should perform the 'Havus' immediately."

"I do not want to do that."

"This is our continuity we're talking about."

"We cannot do it without you."

"When is the next attack schedule?"

"In about 56 planet cycles."

"We have to act quickly."

*******************************************

"... we were escorted to the gate while they took Major Carter elsewhere. They had confiscated our weapons and IDC, that was why we gate to Abydos instead of Earth." Teal'c explained the situation to the General.

"There were just too many of them General, we were taken by surprise." Daniel added.

"Do you have any idea why they took Major Carter?"

"I don't know Sir."

"I also do not know the reason why, General Hammond. But I do know this for certain, we must return.."

The General sighed, "I know this too Teal'c. But we cannot form a wormhole to P9Y T81, it seems like the Cayans have buried their gate. Right now, we're trying to contact the Tok'ra and the Asgard for their help."

The two SG-1 members looked at each other. It was Daniel who spoke, "General, you might want to inform someone else ..."

"Who?"

"Jack."

*******************************************

Harry Maybourne had been waiting for almost an hour now when Larry finally decided to show up.

"Gin and tonic, please." Larry said to the bartender. The man behind the bar just nodded at his request.

"You're Larry?" Maybourne greeted him.

"I take it that you are Harry Maybourne?" he offers his hand and Maybourne took it.

"The one and only." Maybourne grinned.

The bartender came by and gave Larry his drink.

"So ... how did you manage to contact me?" Larry asked after the bartender had gone.

"It doesn't matter. What matters is that I know where you can find O'Neill."

Larry's eyes widened, "You do?"

"Yes."

"Oh wow. I've been looking for him for more than a week now. He's a hard man to find."

"I know. That's why this information comes with a heavy price."

Larry considered this for a while, "So ... what do you want in exchange for this information?"

"I want whatever you got on Kinsey."

Larry let out a whistle, "That is quite an expensive price you're asking for."

"This is not cheap information by any means."

"I need to think about it first."

"Don't think too long, this is a one-time offer. After I walk out of this bar, it will expire."

Maybourne ordered another drink and told Larry, "This is my last glass for tonight."

Larry thought about this, "What are you going to do with the payment?"

"Nothing much, I'm just going to use it as my insurance. Kinsey and I go way back, I know what he's capable of doing. You can look at it as a security blanket."

Larry laughed, "You're right. Okay, we have a deal."

Maybourne looked at him and gulped his drink in one go, "Good, you have 24 hours, bring the payment here." He slid up a napkin under his now empty glass. With that, Maybourne stood and left the bar.

Larry took the napkin and looked at the address there. This was his reward, for being patient. And all he had to pay was just a small price, Kinsey meant nothing to him. Finally he could finish what he had started.

PART 6: REVELATION

My emotions are drained.

All I can do is close my eyes and try to calm the turmoil in my heart. I never knew that an imaginary Jack O'Neill could have such an impact on me. Even when he is not here, he's got a hold on me, so strong that it scares me. What would I do if the real him asked me that question? What would I say?

"Welcome back."

I open my eyes to see three people standing in front of me.

"Why did you do that?" I have no energy to get angry.

Hunsa speaks, "We only showed you what you have in mind."

I have to smile at that. What I have in mind is not necessarily what I want.

"And the purpose of this is ... what?"

"We offered you a bliss and you refused it. Why?"

"A bliss?"

"Yes, Abel's stone can offer you things that you cannot have in reality."

I shake my head, "It's not real."

No matter how my senses kept telling me that he was there, I knew in the back of my head that he was just a ... deception. A fake.

"Who can define real and surreal? It's just a matter of perspective."

"It was a lie ... it's just as simple as that."

"It was not a lie, it was what you wanted. We can make you happy."

Maybe it could make me happy, but deep down I'd know it's not what I really wanted.

"Well ... what I want now is to go home. Look, I don't want to play any games. Just tell me what you want so that I can give it to you and go home."

"I am afraid that it is not possible."

I raise my eyebrow, "Why not?"

"You can not leave Cayan ... ever."

We'll just have to see about that. I wonder if I could make a run through the gate.

"There is no escape from Cayan, Major Carter."

"My friends will make one."

"They may try, but they shall fail."

It's like talking to a wall. I guess they don't know how persistent my friends can be. Daniel and Teal'c won't just leave me behind and the Colonel ... I don't know where he is right now, but he will never let me down.

He will come for me.

I know that for sure.

"They cannot form a connection from your world to here. We blocked the Great Ring."

That should explain why the rescue team is not here yet.

"Okay, you said that you wanted my help. What if I exchange my help for my freedom?"

"I am afraid that it is not possible."

"Why?"

"Please come with us."

------------------------------

Holy Hannah!

In front of me there is the technology that we've been looking for years, the means to defend ourselves against the Goa'uld. A shield generator that can produce an energy barrier for the whole planet. Tentatively I move towards the generator, my fingers are itching to give it a thorough inspection.

"This is Tamen. Abel created it and it has protected us against the Goa'uld for centuries. " I could hear Hunsa say.

"Yes, I can see it." my eyes are still fixed to the state-of-the-art generator. I wonder how strong the shield is? How complex the design is? How much naquada needed to power the generator? So many questions run through my head.

"You find this fascinating?"

"Oh yeah, it is." I am still in awe of the presence of the machine.

"However, around 287 planet rotations ago it stopped working." Servit explains.

Huh? I turn to face them, "Are you saying that this ... Tamen is broken?"

"No. It just stopped working."

Suddenly it clicked, "It's like the box, isn't it? It just needs a new battery."

"Battery?"

Oops, I forget that they are aliens after all, "I mean new naquada."

Hunsa nods his head, "You are right. The box is the simple version of the Tamen. We used it as a shield when we travel through the Great Ring. It stopped working at the same time as the generator."

The box is a mini portable version of the generator, Abel must've created it at the same time.

"You travel through the Stargate? I thought you unburied the gate 6 months ago."

"We have the shield, we do not need to bury the gate. The Goa'uld could not set a foot in Cayan. Our race is as curious as your race, Major. We are also fascinated with new civilizations that are different from us. "

Servit adds, "We need your help to make it work again."

"Don't you have someone to do that?"

It is Ba'ek who answers, he hadn't said a word before, "None of us have the wisdom on how the Tamen works."

The Cayans only know how to use it, they don't know the science behind it.

"So, you want me to fix it for you?"

"Yes. You managed to make the box work again."

"I'm afraid I can't do that. As I said, you need naquada and I'm not sure if you have a sufficient amount of it."

"We have the naquada."

"You do?"

"Yes, Cayan was once a naquada-rich planet. The Goa'uld took most of it, but we still have some."

I sigh, "Okay. Say that I do fix the Tamen for you ... why can't I go back home after that?"

The three Grands look at each other, like they were having a private conversation inside their own mind. They have psychic abilities after all, it wouldn't surprise me if they could communicate telepathically. And after a while, Servit turns to me and says, "We cannot share this technology with any other race. That is why you have to stay here forever."

***********************

"She refuses to cooperate."

"Maybe we could tell her the truth."

"No, she could use it against us."

"Time is against us."

"She is a compassionate person, she will help us."

"We can not risk it."

"I think that it is time to make the decision."

"I vote 'no'"

"I vote 'yes'"

"Then it is settled."

*********************

Larry took a last look at the address on the napkin, satisfied that he found the right door, and he knocked. The door opened and soon he was inside the house.

"Did you bring the payment?" Maybourne went straight to the point.

With a grin, Larry pulled out an envelope from his pocket, "Yes."

Maybourne took it and examined the contents. There were some papers and a disc, he flicked through the papers and loaded the disc into his computer drive. After a while he turned to face Larry, "Kinsey won't be pleased with this."

"So ... do you think that is enough for the information?" Larry asked.

"Not so fast, I need more."

"You will get some more after you tell me where O'Neill is."

Maybourne laughed at that, "Don't take me for a fool. I need more."

Cursing under his breath, Larry pulled another envelope from his jacket's pocket. He should've known that Maybourne was a greedy man with a lot of experience, the type of man that you didn't want to mess with, "Here."

Maybourne found a tape inside the envelope, he looked at Larry questioningly, "What's this?"

"A recording of Kinsey ordering me to take care of O'Neill. You can bring him down based on that alone."

Maybourne took a tape player from his desk and began to listen to the tape. After the tape was finished, he got a smug look on his face, "Okay, this should be enough."

"I gave you what you wanted. Now, tell me where O'Neill is."

"He's in Washington."

"He's here?" Larry was shocked, it never occurred to him that O'Neill would be so stupidly brave to hide in the lion's den. But it had worked, he couldn't find him after all.

"Yes."

"Give me the address."

"I've already given you the address."

"No, you haven't." Larry looked at Maybourne.

"Yes, he has." Suddenly, a figure stepped into the room holding a Zat gun.

"O'Neill."

"That's my name." Jack said casually, but all his other senses were cautioned.

Larry flashed Maybourne a furious glare, "What's the meaning of this?"

"Hey, you wanted to know where Jack is. I only gave you what you wanted." Maybourne grinned.

"You crossed me." Larry snapped.

"No, I didn't."

"Cut the pep talk." Jack said and then turned his attention towards Maybourne, "Maybourne, do we got what we need?"

"Yes," Maybourne waved the paper in front of him, "and a lot more." he pointed at the tape.

"Good." With that Jack fired the Zat once.

Maybourne watched as Larry's body fell to the floor, "Did you really have to do that?"

"No ... but it made me feel better." Jack just shrugged.

"Whatever you say ... what are you going to do about Larry?"

Jack never had a chance to answer the question, his cell phone was vibrating. Only Hammond knew this number and he would only use it if there was an emergency back at the SGC.

"O'Neill"

"*Jack, this is Hammond.*"

"Sir, I've finished my business here." Jack decided to let the General know about the good news.

"*Good, do you have what you need?*"

"Yes, Sir. And I can tell you that I have Larry here with me."

"*Well done, Colonel. When can you get back to the base?*"

"I'll be there first thing in the morning. Is there something wrong, General?"

"*Jack ... there's something that you might want to know.*"

Jack could sense hesitation in Hammond's voice and it never was a good sign, "Is everything alright, General?"

"*I don't know how to say it, Son. But I think you deserve to know.*"

Whatever it was, Jack knew that it was bad, "Just tell me, Sir."

"*Major Carter was taken as a prisoner off-world.*"

*********************

PART 7: MESSAGE THROUGH THE STARS

~*~

It is quiet here. No sound, no light, no nothing. Just darkness.

...

I can hear voices.

Voices that make me aware that there are people around me. My body feels heavy, I try to move but every strand of my muscles don't seem to obey my order. My eyelids lift slowly, and the first sight that greets me is a grey ceiling. Grey ... there is a touch of familiarity in that color. Then my eyes search for the source of the voices, I could only see some blurry figures in front of me. My head is having a wild party without my consent, I can't concentrate.

"She is conscious."

"Check her condition!"

"Inform the Grands."

What has it got to do with the Grands? My head ... why is it pounding so much? Footsteps ... I can hear them. So fast, so loud, someone please stop the noises. The light in the room starts to upset my eyes, so I close my eyes and let the darkness soothes me.

"She is not supposed to be conscious yet."

"Is the 'Havus' successful?"

"We can not tell for sure."

"She is in a stable condition."

"She ..."

The voices starts to fade and I come back to the warm and comfortable spell. I put my arms around myself and feel something, search for something ... something that I once held dear and now I lost it.

I miss it.

But what is 'it'? Why do I want it so bad? Floating in uncertainty, I tilt my head and try to be still. Try to think about where I can find 'it'.

What is 'it'?

Where did I loose 'it'?

Why do I miss 'it' so bad?

Why?

...

I can hear voices.

Voices that sound memorable.

"Anyway I'm sorry but it just happens to be how I feel about it. What do you think?"

A curious and passionate voice, the one that I can relate to.

"She is a formidable warrior."

A steady and calm voice, the one that I can trust with my life.

"And? But? So? Therefore?"

An irritated and yet warm voice, the one that I'd love to hear.

I know the owners of these voices.

Or I once knew.

Those are the 'its' that I'm looking for.

~*~

My eyes snap open.

The dream has come back again. The one that always wakes me up before the dawn, as if it is an automatic alarm. The one that has been haunting me for almost 30 planet cycles now, after I had the accident at the workstation. Yanu, the Healer had warned me about this, he said that that is the result of a combination between my head injury and the cure that he gave me.

Kicking my blanket, I leave my resting place and move towards the table in the middle of my room. After pouring myself a glass of water, I walk to the window. I take a sip of the water and watch the city as far as my eyes can see. It's still dark, but the light that is let out from some of the buildings provides some dim silhouettes. It's beautiful, no question about it, but I don't feel a sense of belonging. It's supposed to be my city ... but for me, it's just a block of buildings where the Cayans live.

I stand and take pleasure in looking at the stars. The glittering dots in the black sky, blinking in their grace and shining in their scattered pattern. They are the only thing here that doesn't seem to be out of place.

"Goodnight."

I could hear the stars speak to me. I chuckle softly, if Hunsa ever heard about this, he would've laughed at me. Maybe tell me that I'm out of my mind. But this is my secret. The dawn is drawing near, the sky slowly changes its color from black to orange. I bid my farewell to the sparkling dust, "See you guys tomorrow."

The sun is making an appearance, that means I need to get ready for work.

-------------------------------------------------

"Is it ready?"

I take a last look inside the core of the Tamen, everything is in place. We are good to go, "Yes. Let's try it now."

Hunsa pushes some buttons on the generator's control panel. The generator is humming, everybody inside the workstation is holding their breath. There are several other technicians and all the Grands are here besides us. And then the humming stops.

"Damn." unconsciously I curse, "It's supposed to be working."

"We could try again tomorrow."

"No." stubbornly I examine the core again. It is in working order, it's supposed to work.

"Kisa, it is late. You can do it tomorrow."

I glare at him, "No."

"It is not good for your health. You are still recovering from the accident."

"Hunsa, we need to get this generator working. There is more than my health that is at stake here."

He is taken aback by my words. But it is the truth. In less than 25 planet cycles the Goa'uld will come and attack Cayan, and if I can't get the Tamen working, then it will be the end of Cayan. We have depended on the Tamen for centuries, the Goa'uld are aware of its power and they want to have it. That's why every 600 planet cycles or so they attack Cayan from it's orbit to see if they can penetrate the barrier with their new weapons. I cannot let that happen, not if I can help it.

I turn my attention back to the generator. I check everything again, making sure that I don't miss anything. And an hour later I give up. I give the generator a look of death. Why won't you work, dammit! My frustration is reaching its peak. And the strange sensation that I feel every time I get close to naquada doesn't help either.

Last resort ... I smack the core with my bare hand ... hard.

And the Tamen is humming again.

Still humming ...

"It's working." one of the technicians exclaims cheerfully.

It is?

Everybody else in the room also cheers, "We have to inform the others. The Tamen is working."

"The Cayan are finally free from fears."

"Kisa, you did it. You made the Tamen work." Hunsa put a hand on my shoulder, proud and happy at the same time.

"Well, all it needs is just a good kick, apparently."

Great, have to make a mental note for future projects, don't forget to smack the core of a generator before you decide that it's not working. It could save you loads of time from re-examining the core from scratch.

~*~

It is quiet here. No sound, no light, no nothing. Just darkness.

...

I can see images.

Disturbing images.

Scenes of war, of evil and of heartache.

I'm there. Cradling a weapon of some sort. Dressed in a uniform, fighting side by side with a group of people. People are shouting, weapons are fired, two sides engage in a battle ... in all the chaos we keep on fighting.

I see people die before my eyes, I see people take other's lives in front of me, I see people beg for their life, I see people fight for power and pride, I see people fight for nothing, and then ... I see me.

The images start to blur and I come back to the warm and comfortable spell. I put my arms around myself and search for something ... for an answer.

What war is it?

Where do I fit into this?

Why do I fight this war?

Why?

...

I can see images.

Comforting images.

A girl who has the same hair color as mine, her freckled face is smiling at me.

"Thank you."

That's all she said ... and that's all I need.

A man, an old man, he is also smiling warmly at me.

"I'm proud of you."

Those words are precious, I know that I want to hear it from him. Only from him.

Another man, he has something on his eyes, lenses held by a wire frame.

"You are my best friend."

I don't know him, but I believe in his words.

A big and strong man, with a gold symbol on his forehead.

"It is an honour to have known you."

His words are trustworthy.

And the last one is a man with grey hair and brown eyes.

He doesn't say a word ... he doesn't have to.

His eyes say everything that can not be said.

I know them.

Or I once knew.

They are my family.

~*~

My eyes snap open.

The dreams have changed. For what reason, I simply don't know. But I miss them, I miss my family. The family that I had in my dream. My real family ... doesn't exist. I am an orphan, raised in a local orphanage. I acquired my wisdom by becoming the only apprentice of a well-known scientist, and later on took his place in the Tamen project. Where my main duty is to make sure that the Tamen is to function effectively, thus keeping the Cayan safe from the Goa'uld.

Kicking my blanket, I get up and head straight towards the window, repeating the same routine that I had developed since I had the accident. I look up to the sky and wait patiently for the stars to speak to me.

**********************

"She made it work again."

"She saved us."

"She is loyal and very dedicated."

"Maybe we should tell her the truth now."

"No, if she knows, she would wish to go home."

"We owe her."

"But we cannot share the technology."

"She still deserves to know the truth."

"We cannot read her mind now, it is too uncertain."

"We cannot let her know."

**********************

"How long since she was taken prisoner?"

"Over a month now."

Jacob Carter sighed deeply, his daughter was missing for more than a month now and the Tok'ra High Council only let him know about it just a few days ago. They were afraid that he would abandon his mission for her sake.

"Do you have anything on the planet?"

It was Daniel who answered, "We wonder if Selmac could recognise this planet. We found evidence that an Ancient named Abel was there long ago. And ..."

"Wait, did you say Abel?" Selmac has a memory about this Abel.

Daniel passed along a file folder to him, "Yes, do you know anything about him?"

"Yes, but ..." it couldn't be. He read the files in front of him ... the mission reports from the first visit to Cayan made by the SG-7, Sam's reports on the metal box, and mission reports from the second visit to Cayan made by SG-7 and SG-1. After Jacob finished reading the files, he didn't know whether he was supposed to feel glad or not.

"She is alright."

"Jacob, what makes you say that?" Hammond asked.

"The Cayan are a peaceful race, they need Sam's expertise. That's why they kidnapped her." Daniel and Teal'c exchanged a look.

"For what purpose do they need Major Carter's skill?" Teal'c was the one who asked the question.

Jacob took a deep breath, "The Cayan is a planet that is protected by a shield generator, made specially to repel the Goa'uld. Many Goa'uld have tried to get their hands on the technology, but none of them were successful. Some gave up but some were more persistent. Yu uses the Cayan's shield to test his new weaponry."

"Me?" Daniel frowned.

Jacob looked at him, "Yu as in the System Lord Yu."

"Oh, sorry. Carry on."

"Yu attacks them regularly, he even has a schedule for that because it took time to get a mothership to Cayan so he needs to plan ahead. From your story here, Teal'c managed to get inside Cayan, that means that the shield generator wasn't working. They might of switched it off or it may be broken."

"That's where they need Sam, they want her to fix the generator. She could fix the box, they thought that she could fix the generator as well." Daniel concluded.

"Yes."

"But, I don't get it, can't they fix it themselves?"

"Maybe they just don't have the knowledge for it."

"I see. But why don't they just ask? Sam would of loved to help them for sure."

Jacob looked thoughtful, "They are not allowed to share their technology. It is too dangerous if it falls into the wrong hands."

"But they gave us the box."

"To see if we could fix it. It's just the risk that they had to take, and from the reports that Sam wrote here, the box is not as powerful as the shield generator that they have."

Silence filled the room.

"We have to get her back."

Jacob turned his head to the figure that had just spoken. Colonel Jack O'Neill was gazing at the Stargate, he stood in front of the big window in the briefing room. Jacob noticed that he hadn't said anything since the briefing started.

"I know."

"Jacob, can the Tok'ra spare us a cargo ship?"

"I can arrange that. Why?"

Jack twisted his head to face him, "We're going to Cayan."

**********************

Jack O'Neill watched the stars from the mountain. He fixed his gaze to a particular spot in the sky.

Where she was.

Tomorrow ... he would go and get her.

Every night, he always said goodnight to the stars. When she found out about it, she laughed out loud. They were off-world, on a mineral survey mission, the ones that always made him bored out of his skull. She caught him saying goodnight to the sky when she released him from his watch.

------------------------------

"There's no point in doing that, Sir." she was still laughing, but not loud enough to wake up her other team-mates.

"Of course there is." he insisted.

"Tell me then."

"Well, the stars will carry your message and deliver it to people that you care about. No matter where they are."

"Really?" her tone was rising at the end.

"Yes, I mean people like Skaara and Dad. I always say goodnight to them."

"You say goodnight to Dad?" she looked at him as if not believing a word he said.

"Yeah, of course. Why?"

She was just about to say something, but then she changed her mind, "Nothing."

"I like your Dad." he assured her.

"Sure you do." there was the 'I don't think so' tone again.

"Watch it Major. I don't like what you're implying there." he said playfully.

"And what was I implying exactly?" she played along with him.

He had to resist the urge to ruffle her hair, "Come on Carter. You can say goodnight to your Dad as well."

"With all due respect, Sir. No."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't see how the stars can do the job."

He smiled at that, she always had scientific reasons for anything, "Okay, stand up."

"Sir?"

"Stand up and look at the stars above. Come on." he started to stand up and offered his hand to her.

She took it and pulled herself up. After taking a last look at him, she tilted up her head to see the thousands of those tiny diamonds spread around the dark night sky. He positioned himself behind her and wrapped his arms around her, her head rested on his shoulder. They watched the sky together in the still of the night.

"They are beautiful." she said.

"Can you hear the voice?" he asked.

"What voice?"

"My 'goodnight' voice that I just sent to the sky a while ago."

She giggled, "No."

"Okay, concentrate and listen carefully."

She shook her head in amusement, but she still did it.

"Goodnight." he whispered so softly in her ear.

He watched her smile at that.

------------------------------

Part 8: Question From A Friend

~*~

It is quiet here. No sound, no light, no nothing. Just darkness.

...

I can see a vision.

There was a man, he was wearing a grey uniform.

His eyes were pleading.

He was begging.

To me.

To do something.

And then I did it.

A blue bolt of light struck him down.

I ran to his side, catching him in my arms before his body reached the floor.

He was gone, I took his life away.

He had a special place in my heart.

I care about him.

But somehow I knew that the feeling was not real.

Why did his death sadden me so much? And yet I could feel that it was not really me who was affected so badly. Like there was another part of me who had its own mind.

Who is he?

Why did I feel the way I did?

Why did I do what I did?

Why?

...

I can see a vision.

There was a man. The man that I knew.

He pointed a weapon at me.

His eyes were troubled.

He begged me to stop.

But I couldn't.

Something was holding me back.

A blue bolt of light struck me.

It was painful, but I was still standing on my feet.

Once again he begged me to stop.

Once again I couldn't.

He had to do something.

He hesitated.

I knew that he had to do it.

And I knew that he knew.

I wanted to reach out to him.

But something was holding me back.

So he did it.

I could see a blue bolt of light head towards me for the second time.

I never saw it reach me.

I didn't feel the pain.

I was somewhere else.

Why did I understand his actions? What was holding me back? Why couldn't I reach him? I can feel that he meant a lot to me, that he had a special place in my heart. My true own heart.

I know him.

Or I once knew

We are linked.

~*~

The dreams have changed again. It is strange, but I don't feel like sharing it with the others. It almost feels like a forgotten memory. Only I know that it isn't a memory at all, it is called 'Existent Hallucination', a side-effect of the medication that I take. But I have stopped taking it for almost 5 planet cycles now, so why do I still have it? The hallucinations can show me a very real dream, and I have to admit that they feel very true.

Hunsa had voiced his concern when I said that I wanted to take a walk around the city. He said that the city was dangerous and I needed to rest. Yanu, my Healer, agreed with him, but I felt bored of doing nothing but sleep and sleep and sleep. When the Tamen was still broken, at least I had something to do. So, yesterday, I snuck out and managed to do it without anyone noticing that I was gone. I'm kinda proud of that fact and it's ... addictive, so once again I find myself roaming around the city.

I scrutinize the crowd, and satisfied that no one seems familiar, I take a deep breath. Then, I walk inside the pack of people. It's refreshing out here, fresh outdoor air accompanied by the presence of the busy city's atmosphere. People walking and talking at the same time, drowned in the routine of life, ignoring the strangers around them. I head to where my legs take me, my brain needs an escape from doing any kind of activity. It's been working for days and now it demands a holiday, which I grant it easily.

I feel free ...

No concerned eyes are pointed towards me, no one stops talking when they see me, no one is treating me like I'm some kind of fragile glass. Outside the building, I'm just a pedestrian, an ordinary person who has the same treatment as any other individual. And that soothes me, more than anything. The feeling of being normal.

***

The Cargo ship was in hyperspace, travelling through the galaxy on its way to Cayan. Inside the ship, Jacob was steering, Jack was sitting on the floor on his own, and Daniel and Teal'c were having a conversation near the transporter rings.

Jacob was perturbed; Jack O'Neill was calm, too calm. He knew that it was Jack's way to deal with things, it was his way as well. He knew Jack, he knew how he felt about his team, but there was something more than a concern for his team that Jacob could sense from him. What did his daughter mean to this man? They were good friends, he realised that. Together with Teal'c and Daniel, they were a good team, even the Tok'ra High Council acknowledged that.

<*You think too much, Jacob.*>

<Do I?> he questioned his other half.

<*Yes.*>

<Maybe I do, but this is Sam we're talking about.> Sam, the daughter that he thought he lost once, the very same daughter who gave him a second chance at life, one of the things in his life that he was proud of.

<*Exactly. Because it is Sam, you don't need to worry.*> Selmac reasoned.

<*You raised her well. She's a good woman, you need to learn to trust her more.*> The praise made him smile sadly.

<*I don't understand.*>

<Selmac, even a blind man can see that they care about each other, you read Anise's report on the Za'tarc.>

<*With what they are doing for a living, it is only natural if they developed affectionate feelings towards each other.*>

<It's more than that.>

<*I never really understood you Earthlings.*>

<*Carry on.*>

<She should get whatever life can offer for her. There's nothing more I want to see than to see her happy.> Jacob looked to his side, where Jack was. He was concentrating on his Baretta, disassembling and assembling it with perfect precision, the regular act that was practised over and over again. His fingers fiddled instinctively, but Jacob knew that he was hiding his angst. If he hadn't known Jack better, he would've been fooled, <He can make her happy.>

<*I thought you don't want them to be together.*>

<*Jacob, save me from my misery here. Do you want them to be together or not?*> Jacob smiled, he loved it when he made Selmac confused. She always bragged the fact that she was older and wiser than him.

<*I don't brag. I merely state the truth.*> and she was over-sensitive too sometimes.

<*Jacob, I can hear your mind, you know.*>

<Sorry. You know that all those 'insults' are just an expression of my fondness for you.> he said affectionately.

<*I know ... So, what's the answer?*>

Jacob had been asking that question himself, <I'm not sure Selmac. I just have the questions, not the answers.>

And then both entities joined in the same body shared the silence.

---

Jacob walked steadily towards Jack, Teal'c had just relieved him from the cockpit.

"Jack." he called the man. Jack raised his head, his fingers and his Baretta were still interacting.

"Jacob."

Jacob sat himself next to him, so that they were on the same level. Jack finally gave his Baretta a rest and stared at it as he weighed it with his hands.

"I'm sorry Jacob." he was avoiding Jacob's eyes.

Jacob looked at the man in front of him, "What for?"

"For letting this happen."

"It's not your fault."

"It is."

"It's not."

"I should've been there."

There was the blame, and there was nothing that Jacob could say to make it disappear. But he had to try anyway, "Do you blame Daniel and Teal'c for this?"

Jack turned his head to face him at last, "No, there was nothing else that they could of done."

"Do you believe that if you were there, you could of done something about it?"

There was pause for a while, "No, but at least I would be there ..."

The two men stared at each other.

"Jack, I want to ask you a question."

"Shoot."

"Do you consider me a friend?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Then the question comes from a friend, not from a Tok'ra, not from an Air Force General, not from Sam's father. Just from a friend."

Jack eyed Jacob carefully, tried to look for any other indication that Jacob would ask a different question that he thought Jacob would. But there was none.

"I care about her, Jacob. A lot." Jack provided the answer even before the question was asked.

Jacob was a little bit shocked, he had expected Jack to shun the question or maybe hide behind his military mask. But he opened up straight away, and there was a pang of satisfaction to know that it was his daughter that made Jack do that. This man loved his daughter. Jacob knew that he could trust the man in front of him. And he would be damned if he was in the way of their happiness.

"Thanks, Jack."

Jack looked at him questioningly, "What for?"

"For not treating her like she is just one of your subordinates."

Both men smiled in understanding.

"It's not hard Jacob. Believe me, it's not hard."

---

Jack was checking their supplies when Daniel came in.

"Jack."

Jack turned his head to see him, "Yes, Daniel."

"Jacob said that we'll be there in four days time. I just wanted to let you know."

"Thanks."

And then, Jack busied himself with the supplies once again, turning his back against him. Daniel was worried, Jack had been very polite. No sarcastic comment, no lame quip, and no joke. He knew the reason why.

"Jack?"

"Yes, Daniel?" Jack still had his back on him.

"We all miss her."

"I know."

"We're going to get her back."

"We will, Daniel."

"Jack."

"Yes ..."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"It's not yours either."

Jack turned around and faced him, "It doesn't matter anymore. I'll get her back."

"Don't you mean, 'we'll get her back'?"

"No, I mean 'I'LL get her back'."

Part 9: Treasure of A Soul

Ba'ek stood in the middle of the desert. He watched the sky, waiting for something to come down. The Observation Radar had shown that a Goa'uld cargo ship was in Cayan's orbit. He had been worried, but the ship proved to pose no threat. When the ship launched something and it penetrated the Tamen's shield, Ba'ek realized that it was not a Goa'uld ship after all; it must be Major Carter's people. The scientists working on the Observation Radar were worried, but Ba'ek had ordered them to stay calm. After calculating where the object was going to land, he volunteered himself to investigate it.

And then an object appeared from nowhere, it was like nothing he ever saw before. The object descended to the ground at a steady velocity. He was no scientist, but he could see that the half-sphere like thing attached to the object was responsible for the gravity-defying movement.

The alien object amazed him, and his eyes followed its path. And then, with a loud thud the object crashed to the ground. Sending sand around its landing point to be spluttered around. After all the sand finally settled to the ground, it appeared some part of the object was open. It looked like a door and then a man stepped out from it.

Ba'ek approached the man, he was not afraid of him, although he knew that the man was dangerous. He could sense the desperation in him, the man would do anything necessary to achieve his goal. But most of all, he could sense this man's ... commitment. He wouldn't call it love, the word did not do justice for what the man had. He was committed to her. And Ba'ek envied him ... he envied them.

"Welcome to Cayan, Colonel."

The man looked at him suspiciously, his hand was holding a weapon pointed at him.<