"The Thing About Plans" by Kappa

Title: The Thing about Plans

Author: Kappa

Status: Complete

Category: S/J Romance, Humor

Rating: PG

Season / Sequel: 3rd Season

Spoilers: None

Archive: S/J - yes; anyone else - if you want it, take it ! Just leave my name attached to it and a little note as to who you are and where you took it to would also be kinda nice.

Summary: Sam loses a game of poker and has to do whatever Jack wants her to do.

Disclaimer: They`re mine. They`re all MINE. < start evil laugh HAHAHAHAHA evil laugh ends > Oh, all right they`re not, but a girl can dream can`t she ? They belong to Showtime, MGM/UA and a whole bunch of other important people, but not to me.

Author`s Note: This is not the first fic I wrote, but the first I post. Hope I`m doing this right and you like it. The bit with the Stooges I wrote because I was dumb enough to trust my brother. Last weekend I spend an evening at home and wanted to rent a movie, and my brother, who was with me said that The Stooges were absolutely hilarious, so being the `blonde´ little trusting sister that I am I rented it and actually managed to survive the first twenty minutes. After that I decided to either commit suicide or hit my brother upside the head with the tape. Seeing as I`m still alive, you know what I ended up doing. Anyway....enjoy. Feedback: Always. Just no flames, please. And a big, huge gigantic THANK YOU to Mel for beta reading this !!!!!!!

__________________________________________________________________

"You´ve gotta be kidding me!"

"Uhm...nope."

"No way!"

"Yes way!"

"Never !"

"Sam, don`t be such a whimp. Get in here."

Major Samantha Carter anxiously glanced around the room, looking deperately for an escape route, cursing herself for getting into this sitution in the first place.

*****

Approximately 15 hours earlier:

"Full House !"

"Damn !"

Jack O´Neil grinned as he took in the glum faces of Daniel Jackson and Richard Makepeace. He put his cards face up on the table and reached for the $ 120 that lay in the middle. However, before he could collect his money, a light musical voice halted his movements.

"Not so fast, colonel."

Jack took one bemused look at his major and a wave of exitement swept over him, when he saw the distinguished twinkle in her eyes, that usually made his knees weak. Today was no exeption.

"Oh, come on Sam. You`re deck can`t possible top a Full House ." he exclaimed.

Smirking, Sam showed him her cards and watched with satisfaction as his face fell.

"Royal Flush ? You got a Royal Flush ! You`re cheating !"

"I`m not " she defended herself, slightly mad at him for claiming such a thing.

"You`ve been winning all evening and this is the second time you had a Royal Flush within an hour ! Do you know what the odds on that are ?"

Snickering from the other occupants of the room halted his triad.

"Face it, Jack. She`s just a better pocker player than you are." Makepeace said.

Grumbling, Jack retreated his hand to leave the money to Sam, but just as her fingers grasped the top bills he got an idea.

"How about a dare ?"

Sam raised an eyebrow at him. "What kind of dare, Sir ?"

"Another round of poker. Whoever wins gets twice the money, that`s on the table and the losers have to wash the winners car for a year."

"Wash the winners car ? That`s what you call a dare ? ", Makepeace chimed in, " With all the time we spend off - world, we hardly use them. Not much dirty to wash off ."

Daniel started to say something, but Sam was faster.

"All right, how about the loser has to be the winners slave for one day ?"

"What ?"

"Why, Major Carter, I belive that could earn you a red light." Jack exclaimed, hiding that he secretly liked the idea.....more than he should.

Sam turned slightly red and hurried to explain herself.

"I don`t mean it that way. What I think is that the loser has to do whatever the winner tells him to do under the condition that he doesn`t have to do it alone. It has to be reasonable. For example; you can`t order the loser to clean your house top to bottom or wash your car. You can make him help you, but not make him do it all by himself."

"So, they`d have to do everything together ?" Daniel asked.

"Yes."

"Great. That means if I loose I get physic lessons all day." Jack mumbled.

"Or worse, you`ll have to ARTIFACTS instead of ROCKS, if I`m the one who wins:" Daniel couldn`t help but tease his friend.

"Wouldn`t want to miss that for my live."

"It`s a deal then ?" Sam asked.

When everyone agreed, she started dealing another round.

*******

"I`ll pass."

"Oh, come on Daniel. Look at those $ 200. I know you want them."

Daniel leaned back in his chair and took a sip of beer, but shook his head.

"No, thanks."

"All right, Sam. Your twenty and I`ll raise you another fifty."

"Fifty? Are you....all right. I`m out."

"So it looks as if it`s just you and me, Sam."

"Apparently, Sir." Sam smirked and met his fifty with another seventy dollars.

**********

Daniel and Makepeace had vacated the table and moved to Jack`s kitchen to get something to drink and a couple of late night snacks. It was almost 3 a.m. and Daniel had long ago given up to suppress the yawns that occured more and more frequently.

"You think, they`ll finish this up, this century ?", he asked taking a sip of coffee.

Makepeace shrugged. " Doesn`t really matter, I suppose. Either way they`ll have to spend the next twenty-four hours together, which is either going to drive them nuts or help them to finally get a clue."

Daniel nodded in agreement, when Sam`s voice attracted his attention.

"You were bluffing !"

"Yep !"

"I do not belive this."

The two man quickly made their way back into the living room, where they were greeted by the sight of a grinning Jack and a more than irritated looking Sam.

"But you didn`t avert you eyes." she accused him.

Jack gave her a pretended confused look. "I didn`t what ?"

"You always avert your eyes down to the table and left, when you`re bluffing.", she stated.

"I do not."

"Yes Jack, you do." Daniel said.

Jack looked to Makepeace for support, but only received a confirming nod and a smile.

"I do ?" he asked Sam again, trying to hide his triumph.

"Yes. But this time you didn`t." she stated, unconsiously pouting.

Slowly a smile started to creep over the colonel`s face.

"Sam ?", he asked conversationaly, leaning forward.

A sudden sense of foreboding hit her and she reacted by leaning backwards and knitting her eyebrows together.

"Yes ?"

His smile exploded into a full-fledged laugh. "Gotcha !"

Realization hit her like a sledgehammer..........and not just her.

"You knew ?" Daniel asked.

"Worse. He did it on purpose." Makepeace voiced his suspicion.

Sam was outraged. " You...you played me ! Oh you scheming, snivelling little...."

Makepeace quickly decided it would be better to interrupt her, before she said anything, she`d regret later.

"That wasn`t exactly fair, Jack."

"It`s poker guys. That`s what it`s all about."

He had appeared at her doorstep barely two and a half hours later, She had no idea how that man managed to be so chipper after so little sleep, if he had gotten any at all that is.

After the first twenty miles of jogging through the woods, Sam was more than willing to belive that he had spent the early morning hours thinking up ways to torment and embarrasse her in the worst ways possible.

She had alway considered herself to be to be in good shape , but after one particulary steep incline she felt exhaustion slowly creeping through her body. A glance at her watch confirmed her suspicion. At the pace they were going it wouldn`t surprise her, if they`d run a new marathon world record.

Still, she refused to voice her opinion and pushed herself harder to catch up to the colonel.

Major Samantha Carter would rather die than giving her fifty year old colonel the satisfaction to see her begging for a break.

*******

"Please....colonel...Sir...just five minutes, please ? I can`t < cough> need ....breath.....oxigen.."

"Oh, come on Sam. It`s just another five miles !"

Sam practicly collapsed on a nearby stone, flat enough to let her sit somewhat comfortable.

Slowly trotting back to her, Jack actually had the audacity to keep running on the spot as he talked to her.

"All right. How about we take the shortcut ?"

".....shortcut......?"

"Yep, just about half a mile through the trees, " he gave in," Think you can manage that or do I have to carry you ?" he teased her.

"I`ll manage." she hissed.

"Let`s go then !" And with those words he took off.

What the good colonel forgat to mention was that the shortcut consisted of another incline even more murderous than the ones before. At least that`s what Sam`s tired muscles told her brain.

By the time they made it back to Sam`s house it was way to late for breakfast, so they decided to meet for brunch at Jack`s place within an hour.

**************

Jack had just finished taking a shower and threw himself onto the couch to stretch his aching muscles, when Sam arrived.

He wasn`t going to admitt it to her, but their workout had been exhausting for him, too. However, he told himself that in the end it would be worth it, for Colonel Jack O`Neil was a man with a plan.

****************

The present:

"I am not going in there, Sir."

"Yes, you will."

"Will not."

"Do I have to make this an order, Sam ?"

"You can`t do that. We`re off-duty, Sir."

"In that case, call me Jack and now get your cute little butt in here."

Sam gave him an incredulous look, before she carefully stepped closer to the pool.

Smirking, Jack made his way toward her and held his hand out.

However, instead of accepting his offer Sam quickly jumped away from him, fearing that he`d pull her in the second she put her hand in his.

The somewhat dissapointed expression on his face was quickly replaced by a good-natured boyish laugh that confirmed her suspicion.

"You know me to well.", he said shaking his head.

"Yes, I do, Sir...Jack."

Sam couldn`t help but grin at him. She had rarely seen him smile let alone laugh. It made him look ten years younger and even more handsome. Sam felt her heart pace accelerating and she involuntaryly took a step closer to him.

"Its...it`s mud !"

"Yeah. It`s a mudbath, Sam. It`s good for your skin and very relaxing."

Sam shot him an extremly doubtful look.

"For crying out loud, Samantha. Don`t be such a wuss. Come on. I`m already in here, so you can do it,too. Really it`s very relaxing."

"But it`s mud."

"Yeah, but it`s good mud."

Sam had to giggle at that. Still she refused to move any closer to the pool.

They went on arguing until, eventually, Jack had had enough. Determind he climbed out of the pool and moved towards Sam who quickly scrmbled backwards trying to keep some distance, betwenn herself and a certain mud-cover colonel.

It did not take them long to be chasing each other around the pool.

Sam slowed her steps on the slippery floor, when she felt exhaustion settle in her muscles. After their God-only-knows-how-many-miles-run, they had eaten brunch.Then Jack had the idea to give her some boxing lessons, which Sam hadn`t been all that enthusiastic about, but had no chance but to agree to. She was surprised that after that peticular `charming´ experience, she could still stand on her feet, let alone walk.

However, after a couple more laps she lost her footing and landed on her back with an audiable > thud < .

Jack was beside her within a second, a concerned expression on his face.

"Are you all right ? Are you hurt ?"

"No. I`m fine, really." She gave him a reassuring smile and found hardly the time to let a surprised squeal escape her lips, as she was picked up and thrown into the mudbath.

Thanks to the denseness of the mud, she sank slowly and was therefore able to keep most of her head above the surface. Only her hair and her chin got muddy before she was able to regain her equilibrium.

Cursing she turned towards the source for the rather grafic murderous thoughts flashing through her mind, but Jack was nowhere in sight.

Suddenly she felt herself being grabbed from behind and pulled against the firm chest of Jack O`Neil.

"This isn`t so bad, is it ?" he murmured against her ear, his voice slightly husky.

Sam took a sharp intake of breath, her thoughts of revenge momentaryly forgotten.

"No, it isn`t " she answered quietly.

Sharing a comfortable silence, they let themselve drift, enjoying the somewhat strang but not unpleasant experience of being burried in mud up to their necks.

Sam was just about to fall asleep, when a though struck her. She still had to get back at Jack for throwing her into the pool.

Carefully she peacked through her half-closed eyelids at the colonel, who was driffting across from her. His eyes were closed and the relaxed expression on his face erased age and grief from his features.

Grinning evily, Sam picked up a handful of mud.

> Splash <

Spitting and sputtering, Jack wiped the mud from his face. Incredulously he looked at his companion to find her face a picture of innocence.

"Sam ?"

"Sir?"

He gleard at her untill, finally, she couldn`t suppress the laughter that had been building inside of her.

"Oh, just you wait !" he grinned and retaliated with a scoop of mud. Sam managed to dodge the first salvo and within seconds a mud-fight ensued.

They cavorted like children for about half an hour before they collapsed on the edges of the pool, still laughing, their faces almost unrecognizable under several layers of dark brown mud.

*******

It was an hour later when they arrived at Jack`s house, that the phone rang.

Opening the front door, Jack dashed into the livingroom to pick up the receiver. Astonished he noted with a sideglance that his answering maschine had recorded 27 messages.

"Where is she and what have you done to her ?"

"Daniel, is that you ?" Jack asked, wondering about the archeologists unusual outburst.

"Uhm......yes, it`s me. I`m sorry...but I`ve been trying to reach Sam and you all day, but I couldn`t get a hold of either one of you. I guess I got a bit worried."

"That`s all right, Danny-boy. So what`s so important that you left twenty-something messages ?" Jack asked, assuming correctly that most of them had been left by Daniel.

"Uhm....can I talk to Sam ?"

"Er....sure. Hang on a sec."

Jack gave the receiver to Sam after telling her that he would be in the kitchen preparing dinner.

************

About half an hour later, he had just finished setting the table, when Sam assured Daniel for the hundreth time that she was all right. She finally managed to end the conversation abd joined him in the kitchen.

"So what was that all about ?" he asked trying to suppress the irrational feeling of jealousy, that swept over him. She never talked to him for half an hour on the phone !!!

"He was just worried that you`d kill me with your obsesssion for physical exercise." she teased.

"Funny, real funny."

"You know how he is !" Sam defended him affectionately.

Sighing Jack led her into the living room, figuring if he only meant half as much to her as Daniel did, he still had a reason to hope.

*********

Major Samantha Carter stood paralyzed, watching in pure horror the scene playing out before her.

She had gone through hell during her basic training, just like any other recruit. She had endured torture by the hands of the Goa´uld without breaking down. But nothing could have prepared her for the torment that lay before her.

"The Stooges ? You`re gonna make me watch the Stooges ?" she whispered horryfied.

Her hands were trembling, almost causing her to spill her orange juice on the carpet. Cold sweat and goosebumps washed over her skin as the opening sequense of one of the Marx Brother`s movies played out on the screen.

"Sir.....Jack, can`t I just fight a couple of Goa`uld mother ships all on my own ? Really, I`m good at that."

Jack only gave her an amused look and patted the space beside him, indicating her to sit down on the couch.

"Please ?"

"No. "

"Phuleeeeeeeease ?"

"Sam, for crying out loud. They`re the Stooges. The are hilarious."

With a paines expression on her face, Sam flopped down on the couch, claiming the two bags of potato chips and two - thirds of Jack`s hidden chocolate stack. ( That man was sooooo strange sometimes ) But even equiped like that he had no idea how she was going to make it through the evening with just five bars of chocolate on no psyichiatrist.

Twenty minutes later Jack was curled up on the couch holding his stomache. Tears were streaming down his face from laughing so hard. Sam watched him with raised eyebrows, shaking her head.

"What ? Oh, don`t tell me this isn`t funny." Jack said after regaining some of his composure.

Sam attempted a polite smile but failed miserably.

"It`s a.....guy thing !" she finally commented.

Jack raised his eyebrows in askance.

"I never met a woman who actually thought they were funny." she explained.

Jack thought about this for a moment.

"Tell you what. Let`s just finish that one movie, after all you did lose that game, " he reminded her, " but then we can watch something else or play a game."

Sighing Sam accepted the offer and leaned back into the couch, grabbing another chocolate bar.

***********

Chuckling Jack grabbed the remote and turned the T.V. off.

"Well that was fun, what do you say we...." he stoped himself as he discovered Sam to be sound asleep, huddled on the couch, with a peaceful expression on her face.

In the privacy of his own home he couldn`t prevent the tender smile that crept over his lips as he watched her. She had never looked more beautiful to him.

Gently, he picked her up and carried her to his bedroom. He quickly divested her of her shoes snd socks, before tuging her savely under the blanket. Sighing he sat down beside her, tugging a strand of loose her behind her ear.

His plan had been to tire her out enough, so that she would agree to spend the night at his place. He had planned a romantic dinner and a funny movie afterwards to lighten the mood. Then he`d wanted to take her up to the roof, where his telescope was. Up there, under the stars, that they both travelled to he`d wanted to tell her that he loved her.

It had taken him a long time to find the courage to make that decision, especially since he wasn`t sure about her feelings for him.

But he had hoped that by some mirical she could find it in her heart and soul to love him, despite her youth and intelligence and the fact that he was her CO.

He knew that a relationship with him would not be easy. Not only because they`d have to keeep it a secret in front of most people, but also because of the emotional baggage they both carried with them.

Still he hoped that somehow the could make it work, no.... no he was CONVINCED they would.

The only problem was that his plan hadn`t quiet worked out the way he`d hoped it would.

He was just about to leave and make his way to the guestroom, when he spotted a thin chocalate smudge on her lower lip.

Smiling he ran the pad of his thumb over it to wipe it off.

His touch caused Sam to stirr slightly and Jack froze, not sure of what to do if she woke up now. Her eyelids fluttered for a second before opening slowly.

Even through the sleep induced haze her mind was currently in she could see the love and nacked adoration that illuminated his eyes and features. Overwhelmed they did nothing but stare at each other for a long time.

Then, finally, Sam kissed his finger that still lingered on her lip. His eyes left hers and darted to her mouth as he took a sharp intake of breath. Smiling Sam pulled him towards her and when their lips met for the first time they were both certain that this was the beginning of what they had only dreamed about for all their live.

Breaking off the kiss, Jack snuggled closer to her. He tugged her head under his chin, hohlding her to him and softly strocking her hair.

"I love you." he whispered, but Sam was already asleep again.

Smiling Jack soon followed her thinking that his plan had worked out after all.

Fini