"One Night" by Kestra

TITLE: One Night

AUTHOR: Kestra

CATEGORY: Sam and Jack, male/female relationship, angst.

SPOILERS: Heavy spoilers for Divide and Conquer, Upgrades.

RATING: PG13

CONTENT WARNINGS: Swearing, adult situations.

SUMMARY: Sam and Jack have a few problems after Divide and Conquer.

ARCHIVE: SJA and Heliopolis

FEEDBACK: Yes please. Constructive criticism is also welcomed.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Stargate SG-1, the characters, situations or back story. I am not making any money from this venture, as I take them all out to romp on the holodeck.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* One Night By Kestra *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It had been three weeks since the Zatarc incident, and the death of Martouf. It had also been three weeks since Major Carter forced a confession out of Colonel O'Neill, concerning his feelings for her. For the millionth time, Sam Carter silently cursed Anise and her machine. The tension between her and Jack since those forced confessions had almost tripled, even to the point where Danny and Teal'c were beginning to worry.

Packing up and gathering her things, Sam prepared to leave the base for four days of downtime. Her feelings since the confessions - since the heartbreaking scene on Apophis' ship - had been in turmoil. Her and Jack hadn't had a private conversation since that day. It was too awkward. She sure didn't know what to say, and she guessed he didn't either.

The drive home was long, and her mind kept flashing back to those tortured moments on Apophis' ship when she had been delighted to glimpse the feeling in Jack's eyes, but devastated to learn of it when it appeared she had only minutes left to live.

She could hear the clanking of armour, and the military precision with which they marched. She knew they were Jaffa, and she knew they would shoot her as soon as they were able. Jack had been desperately trying to disable the force shield, hammering away at the control panel. She told him to leave, begged him to leave her behind, but he'd screamed "No!" and looked into her eyes, for what they assumed would be the last time. The sounds were getting closer.

Her eyes filled with tears when she remembered the naked emotion in his eyes. She blinked them away quickly, and concentrated on the road. She thought perhaps he had whispered "I love you".

She'd met his eyes, knowing he could see her feelings and not caring. She stiffened, expecting a hot fiery blast from a staff weapon at any moment. She had wondered would it hurt when it hit, or would it be over too quickly? Would Jack leave her when he saw she was dead, or would he stay in a futile attempt to bring her home?

<God.all the time we wasted,> she thought, and tilted her head.. <it all comes down to this.>

Snapped back to the present by an animal on the road, she swerved, and made an effort to concentrate fully on driving. But her mind kept going back to a pair of tortured brown eyes.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When she pulled up at her apartment building, the first thing she noticed was a familiar car parked out front. As she stepped out of her own car, the figure climbed out and approached her. Her heart started hammering.

"Sir, what are you doing here?" she asked.

"I came to talk, Carter." He replied, eyes downcast. She knew immediately what he wanted to talk to her about. As she motioned him up to her apartment, she wondered whether he would insist she transfer to another SG team. It didn't seem likely. He'd still outrank her.

She unlocked her door, switched on the lights and dumped her bag on the hall table.

"Have a seat." She offered. "I'll make some coffee."

He sat down, avoiding eye contact.

She made the coffee hurriedly, and returned to find the Colonel covering his eyes with his hand. She sat down warily, placed his coffee on the table in front of him, sat back and waited

The silence stretched on for about a minute, then Jack uncovered his eyes, and picked up his steaming coffee.

"You know we have to talk."

Sam smiled slightly. "I know."

There it was again, that awkwardness that had been present since the confessions.

"I meant what I said Carter, although I wish to hell that it didn't have to come out like that."

Sam rubbed her eyes. "I know what you mean."

He swallowed, and she felt sympathy for him. He really was trying. This wasn't the easiest thing in the world for him. Or for her, either. She almost wished she could go back in time, before either of them knew. Surely it hadn't felt so desperate when she didn't know if he felt the same? It had been a private thing then, now she felt as though the whole world knew.

"We can't." he took a breath, "You know nothing can ever come of it."

"I know." Sam whispered, miserable.

"The regulations.we'd be split up."

"I'll wait for you." she whispered, looking him in the eyes. "You know I will."

Jack shook his head, angrily. "No, Sam. I don't want you to."

Hurt and bewildered, her eyes filled with tears. She was so strong, but this man made her vulnerable.

"I want you to find someone who can make you happy." He continued. It was killing him to say it, but it had to be said. They just couldn't go on like this. They hadn't had a chance. They'd never have a chance.

"But, I don't want anyone else." She protested, looking up in defiance. "You can't just order me to start dating, Colonel. If there's a chance for us in the future, I want to be able to take it."

"There will *never* be a chance, Sam. Our job is too dangerous. You can't live your life for tomorrow - in our job there might never be one." His voice had risen, until it was almost a shout. He hadn't come here to shout at her, but he had to make her see, she couldn't waste her life like this. She was young, beautiful and intelligent. Why should she wait around for an old soldier like him?

Sam buried her head in her hands. Jack moved over and enclosed her in a hug. A friendly hug.

She turned her face to his, her wet cheek touching his.

Jack clenched his eyes shut. This was torture, absolute torture. He could smell her perfume.

Sam couldn't remember later who had initiated the kiss, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was that suddenly Jack's lips were on her own and she wasn't prepared for the sensation. Her heart was hammering again, her brain unable to comprehend that they were actually doing this. He tasted so good, Sam opened her mouth a little more. He brushed his fingers through her hair, and she brought her hands up to feel the muscled chest she'd always dreamt of touching. She slipped her hands under his T-shirt, feeling the warm skin and wondering how she got along for so long without him.

It was the telephone that interrupted the surreal situation, and they sprang apart as it startled them.

Sam was panting, Jack was hitting the wall with his elbow, his hand covering his face again, cursing his own stupidity.

Unsteadily, Sam got to her feet and answered the phone. As he listened, Jack realised it was Janet, calling for a girlie chat. Sam offered to call her back later, and then hung up the phone

She looked at him again, confusion and longing in her eyes.

Sitting down morosely next to him, Sam laid her head on his shoulder.

"How can it be wrong?" she asked after a silence. "Why is it wrong that we feel like this?"

Jack placed a gentle hand on her head. "It's not wrong, Sam. It's just not possible. We're needed in the fight, and we can't do that if we're together."

"I know." She whispered. "I understand that we're sacrificing what we could have for the good fight." She sniffed.

"Yeah." Jack whispered. He could smell her hair. It was wonderful. He never got to be this close to her on missions.

"Can we have just one night, Jack?"

He heard the words and his body stiffened. It was such a wonderful invitation. He could so easily take it up..but the regs.suddenly Jack was reminded of every time they'd saved the planet, of all the good deeds they had done. Why shouldn't they have a night together, when they couldn't spend a lifetime?

"Just one." He breathed.

"Yes."

"What if I can't let you go after one night?" he asked, voice strained.

"Don't think about that now, Jack." She placed her hand on his cheek, drawing him closer into a hot kiss.

He broke apart, shuddering. "Are you sure, Sam?"

In answer, she took his hand and led him into the bedroom.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

They lay together afterwards, silent, holding each other. Jack had never been so tired, but he couldn't sleep. They had made the night last as long as they could, exploring, touching, tasting and trying to commit everything to memory. Now though, as the sun began to rise and fill the room with early morning light, Jack started to panic. He pushed it down relentlessly. They couldn't be together. They both knew that. They'd already broken the regulations, and could be court-martialled if anyone found out, but he didn't care.

They'd had their night. There would be no others. He would have to be satisfied. Sam Carter was not for him. He couldn't imagine loving anyone else, but it didn't matter.

He glanced over at the sleeping woman in his arms. Just the sight of her made his chest hurt, knowing he'd have to return to work in a few days time and be content with just being her friend.

He took a mental picture, one to hold in his heart forever. Then he carefully withdrew himself from her arms, and climbed out of bed. He had his jeans on when she woke up.

She blinked at him sleepily. "Where are you going?" she asked, panic already filtering in he voice.

"It's morning." He said, voice unsteady.

"You're really going?" she asked painfully.

"Don't make it harder than it has to be, Sam." He pleaded harshly.

She swallowed, and sat up, pulling the sheets around her. He finished dressing, and came to kneel on the bed next to her. He leant his forehead against hers, and they sat like that in silence for a moment.

"I love you." He said shakily.

Tears started to cascade down her face, but Jack brushed them away gently.

"Don't cry." He whispered. "I can't stand it."

"Go." She said, closing her eyes. "Go now if you have to."

He caressed her cheek, kissed her goodbye, and turned to leave. As he was walking out, he heard her whispered voice, "I love you too."

He unlocked his car in a daze, climbed in and rested his head on the wheel for a moment, before taking a steadying breath, and driving away.

Sam waited until she heard his car leave. Once he was gone, she buried her head in the pillow he'd used, and cried.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~