"Split Decision" By Kelly Siegfried  

Title: Split Decision

Date Written: September 1999

Author: K. Siegfried (Niamh)

Status: Complete

Category: Angst, S&J USTs, Martouf/Sam

Spoilers: Line of Duty and Tok'ra I&II are musts, Seth (small spoilers) optional.

Season/Sequel info: Story takes place Season Three, after Seth, and is not a sequel to any story.

Rating: R for violence, swearing, and sexual situations.

Content Warning: I know some of you are physically ill at the thought of Martouf and Sam, but I feel the relationship needs exploring. Besides that, it creates great tension between Jack and Sam! This story has an implied closeness between S&J; nothing sexual, but they're teetering on the edge of finally "coming clean" with each other. Perhaps this might be the event that pushes them over the edge? <eg>

Summary: Sam's Jolinar-laced memories are starting to haunt her. Who will she turn to for comfort and support: Colonel O'Neill or Martouf/Lantash?

Author's Note: I happen to like Martouf. *ducks the flying tomatoes and blunt objects* I've been wanting to do an exploratory story about his relationship with Sam for awhile now.

Sincerest apologies to The Bard for the quotes from Hamlet. Used without permission.

*****

Do you know how disconcerting it is to have somebody else's erotic dreams?

And damn, am I ever jealous of her.

It happens at the most inappropriate times, these memory flashbacks. I could be sitting in the middle of a debriefing and all I feel is this shiver of sensation running up my spine as I can sense his hands on me. They soothe, they comfort, and they send a charge of erotic desire coursing through my veins. I can only grip the armrests to my chair and hold on for the ride because my half of brain is not strong enough yet to counteract the affects. I desperately try not to make it noticeable; lower my out of focus eyes to the table and force my ears to listen to whoever is talking just to maintain my sanity.

It started almost immediately after I had that lucid dream and was able to relay the coordinates from Jolinar's memory. We gated to a new planet and knowingly into another uncertainty. As soon as my eyes landed on him, I knew who he was even though I had never seen him before. My heart ached for a man I've never met and it confused me. Her voice echoed through my head, heavy with sorrow and overwhelming joy; Martouf. Swallowing harshly, I couldn't resist the temptation to say it, but I wanted to run to him and surround him with my arms and I didn't even know why. Those penetrating amber eyes of his captured mine and I realized his significance. He was her lover.

Martouf is different from any other man I've known. I have an intimate knowledge of him, yet I know I've never experienced it before. It is still difficult to distinguish between her feelings and mine. How can a girl love a man she has never known? The brief bonding Jolinar and I had gave me all of her experiences, all of her emotions and it seems almost storybook in comparison. Damn her for it. Every time she comes forward, I get a wash of mourning and I drown in suffering as she thinks of him. Even the minute traces of Rosha dreams about him and I wonder if they realize how disrupting it is. It's a conspiracy they're cooking together to force me to him.

After Lantash and Garshaw left Earth with Dad, or Selmak in this case, the waking dreams started full tilt. Somehow, when Martouf touched my mind, it triggered everything again and I started feeling like I did when she had possession of me; out of control. Maybe it's my own need to be loved that makes the wound so deep, so sore that it has actually made me think twice about him. All I could think about was what it would be like for him to touch me instead of Rosha, and my heart pounded just a bit more.

The first episode almost swept me off of my feet. I stood looking into my locker with my hand propped against the door and I could hear his soothing voice in my head.

Love? It was as if he was standing right behind me. Fear kept my hand clamped on that locker.

Martouf? I could hear her voice, my voice, inside me and she was happy, elated that he was near.

Who else would it be? He said in his lyrical way and the world went dark. I could see his face and his tall form before me, his eyes sparkling with happiness. A slow smile spread over his lips as he stepped forward to touch my cheek with a gentle hand. I have missed you so much, my love.

My smile matched his and I touched his chest, smoothing my hands against the rough fabric of his tunic, a feeling seeping through my bones as if nothing else existed. He leaned in close, his head tilting ever so slightly to the side and I panicked. I tried to step away, to dismiss him, to say anything that would keep him from kissing me, but I couldn't move. I didn't have control over that part of me any longer and I wanted to scream, to fight what was going on; I was powerless.

His lips pressed against mine sweetly, gently, as if I was made of porcelain. Before he leaned away, his fingertips brushed further against my cheek until they curled around my ear, slipping into my hair. The sensation was startling, turning on an emotion-fueled reactor within that had me suddenly thinking very lurid thoughts for this stranger. Martouf kissed me again, deeper, more passionate, and I was amazed I reacted like I did. Stepping closer, I pulled him to me as my hands curled into the fabric until I could feel his body pressed into mine. Somehow I knew this had happened thousands of times before, tender re-acquaintances before intense desire.

The embarrassment heated my face to a new shade of red when I finally snapped out of it, Lieutenant Simmon's hand on my shoulder.

"Major Carter, are you okay?" The poor kid looked so worried, the furrow in his brow deepening between his dark eyes. I cleared my throat and tried to speak.

"Yes, thank you Lieutenant. Just couldn't remember if I had turned off my stove or not." I flashed him a smile before stepping past him with my coat and utility vest in hand, shutting my locker. He looked bewildered. I know he has a crush on me, it is painfully obvious, and I'm flattered. Really. But it has to be unrequited and he knows that. Damn military. Men surround me and I can't touch a single one.

As I walked down the corridors to meet the rest of my team, I suddenly realized why I couldn't break away from Martouf. They are her memories, her joys, and her recollections. I was just an innocent bystander. But I don't want to be a bystander, a used body in her games. I almost walked into three airmen on my way to the embarkation room, my head was so muddled, split between the hallucination I just had and trying to shove it into the back of my brain.

"Carter, you look like you've just seen a ghost." O'Neill glanced between his HK and me, making last minute checks before departure. I dropped my vest to the floor and slipped my arms into my coat, desperately trying not to remember why I was so pale. "You okay?"

"Fine, sir. Thank you." Zipping up the coat, I reached for my vest. Pulling my cap from my back pocket, I adjusted the brim before pulling back my bangs to put it on my head. He looked at me again and I avoided his eyes as I took my standard issue from the munitions chief. I didn't want him to know how shaken I was. He chose to remain silent, but his concern permeated the room. It wasn't until much later I gave him another excuse to bring my state of mind into the conversation.

Jolinar played the evil trick on me again, and this time it wasn't even in the quasi-privacy of the locker room. I had made it through the entire day without incident, and as night approached, I was dreading it. We pitched camp in a small clearing among the trees, the still warm air leaving no need for tents. I was fearful of sleeping that night, so afraid something would surface, leaving me as disoriented as I was before. But I succumbed like I always do when I'm too tired to keep my eyes open.

Rosha was panicking and quickly relinquished to Jolinar, the Tok'ra knowing exactly what to do. They were evacuating, mass chaos ensued, and she was desperately looking for Lantash. People streamed by her toting cases to the transportation rings, bringing items to the surface for relocation. Turning a sharp corner in the crystal cave, she was mesmerized by the sight of the tunnel folding back upon itself in a bluish glow, gradually returning the path into sand.

Kemah, have you seen Lantash? Stepping into a room, she watched as an elderly woman lifted a metallic statuette into a case. She strained, not having the strength to do it alone. Bowing her head slowly, she allowed her symbiot to take control, giving her a boost of power.

Jolinar! No I have not, my friend. Please help me with this, I am unable to lift it any more. Her deepened voice echoed off the close walls as she flashed a brief smile. Jolinar stepped forward, wrapping a slender hand around the statuette to place it within the tote. Pelnak, Kemah's host, nodded appreciatively as she regained control, taking Jolinar's hand to steady herself.

Leave this here child. The others will be by for it. Will you assist me to the gathering? The old woman was unsteady on her feet even with the guidance of the Tok'ra and Jolinar was growing impatient. She had to find Lantash to make sure he was all right. If anything had happened to him....

She knew him too well. Jolinar could feel it within and she knew he was on the surface providing cover for the transport team. Packaging up her thoughts of overwhelming love for him, she projected it to wherever he was. It was all she could do. After decades of being mates, they knew each other's job within the organization, but it was still difficult to be so far away from him and not even know if he was still alive. Was he worrying about her as much as she was about him?

Pelnak stumbled, tearing Jolinar away from her thoughts. Her arm wrapped about the woman more, lifting her up on her feet to guide her along the corridors to the final meeting place before the full evacuation. The elder members were always transported first out of respect to their status, and if Jolinar couldn't fight beside her mate topside, she was going to do her best to make sure every one was accounted for below. Once her host was calm again, Jolinar released for Rosha.

Lowering Pelnak to sit on a tote, Rosha gave her a soothing pat over on the shoulder. Her eyes scanned the room; the last one to be dissolved after they had all made it to the surface. Healers comforted the infirm, trying to keep them as comfortable and calm as possible. Pelnak tried to catch her breath, placing her elbows on her thighs as she leaned over.

Do not worry about him. He will be fine, he always is. Rosha knelt beside the woman, lifting her hand to smooth a lock of gray hair out of her face. He knows you'd never forgive him if he didn't return. She smiled.

I can only hope you are right, Pelnak. Rosha's cheek was cupped in the woman's wrinkled hand in reassurance. In gratitude, she leaned forward and placed a kiss on Pelnak's forehead, smiling wide. I will be cursing his name for the rest of my days if he doesn't.

Jolinar! She spun towards the room opening, expecting Lantash, but instead saw one of the guards carrying an unconscious man in his arms. Rosha stood and quickly crossed to him, watching the Tok'ra's eyes flash in fierce light before setting the still man on the ground.

Fornat, what happened? The guard's face was tight with anger, his jaw pulsing with tension. Rosha recognized the fallen man as Bolt'ac, Enak's host, in the same regiment as Martouf. He didn't look good; a staff weapon blast had seared a hole though his tunic into his chest, leaving behind a raw burnt patch of skin. Drawing back the shreds of fabric, Rosha choked down the reflex to gag as she smelled his charred flesh.

The flank was separated and he was shot from the sky. There are just too many gliders for so few to cover. Regret filled Fornat's blue eyes, as if he should have been the one to call the retreat. Rosha swallowed her tears as she checked over the fallen soldier, her voice too caught to speak the words she wanted. Frantically she waved over a few of the healers, the extent of the burns surpassing her abilities. Fornat pulled Rosha to her feet as they worked over Bolt'ac, enveloping her in a soft hug.

He is alive and well, fighting bravely. He thinks of you. Her tears began as his words registered and Jolinar reemerged, her eyes flaring in confidence.

Tell him I love him, Fornat. Her deep voice was soft and she watched him turn back towards the entrance, sprinting for the transport rings that would take him to the surface again. Returning to Pelnak, she waited for the all clear.

It came shortly after, Selmak taking her place in the front of the room. Lifting her hands high above her head, she commanded silence, ready to give directions. Her host was becoming fragile, Saroosh's shock of white curly hair and pale skin making the woman seem slight. Jolinar knew better than that. When Selmak spoke, everyone listened and it was the same for Saroosh. She was getting old, that was sure, but her mind was still as sharp as it had always been.

Silence! We must begin the evacuation. We will go in teams of eight. Try your best to keep together on the way to the Chaapa'ai. The weakest will go first. You have your duties; go! Selmak's deep voice called out through the room, her eyes flashing briefly. As if directed by her orders, the transporter rings sank from the ceiling, encircling the first batch of evacuees.

Come Pelnak, we must move towards the transporters. The old woman coughed harshly as Jolinar helped her to her feet, her weakened body hunching over. Nodding in agreement, Pelnak began her slow shuffle towards the front, leaning heavily on her assistance.

A sudden quaking of the ground beneath her feet made Jolinar cry in alarm, her hands around Pelnak tightening their grip. Thin rivers of pulverized crystal began to fall from the ceiling as the earth shook, a deafening roar coming from above. A smile spread across her face in grim satisfaction.

A death glider? Pelnak asked, turning towards her companion as she closed her eyes to the falling grit.

Yes, had to be. Lantash and the others are clearing our way. They moved quicker towards the rings, stepping in line behind the others eager to get to the surface and off of the besieged planet. Pelnak's hand shook on Jolinar's wrist, all of the movement overwhelming to her system. Jolinar cradled the woman in her arms as if she were a child needing protection. Rest on me. You will need all of your energy to make it to the Chaapa'ai, Pelnak.

Kemah will help me. She smiled before her head bowed, allowing her symbiot to resume control. Her eyes flashed as she looked up at Jolinar, her face becoming stern.

I worry about Pelnak, Jolinar. She may be unable to make it all the way. She is frightfully weak. The old Tok'ra was right. She was trying her hardest to keep her host stable during the transport, but it was quickly draining her reserves.

We will be home soon, Kemah. Please be patient. Guiding them beneath the transport rings, Jolinar hugged her companion as more stepped near. In a breath they were on the surface, disoriented and looking for the gate. Kemah's feet slipped in the sand and Jolinar fought to keep her upright as she plodded through the dense dunes, her eyes searching the horizon in hope that she might see Lantash.

She heard the high pitched swirl before seeing the flash, a cannon blast from a glider hitting the sand beside them, sending the group to the ground. Jolinar screamed in terror as she was instantly blinded by the flying sand, the wind getting knocked from her lungs as she fell hard. Gasping for breath, she reached for Kemah.

Kemah! Are you all right? She felt an arm and her touch slipped down to squeeze a hand.

Yes! She said with a cough, trying to clear the sand from her lungs. Let us continue! Finally regaining her sight, Jolinar looked around her, to the rest of the group as the steady helped the infirm to their feet. Her heart pounded in her chest with a heavy beat, muscles struggling to wade through the sea of unyielding sand and to help Kemah. Anger welled in her soul as she thought of the destructive evil that had sought them, forcing them from their home, making them refugees on any planet they ventured to. Eyes flaring in disgust, she growled primitively as her gaze searched the sky for another attack.

The Chaapa'ai loomed a head of them, its rippled texture sending a bluish cast on the surrounding dais and sand. The faster they tried the walk, the more they slipped, loosing precious time and footing. Cursing silently, she struggled with Kemah at her side, Jolinar's agony increasing when she didn't see her mate. Frantically she looked around her for his familiar stance and presence, her heart falling when she couldn't find him.

Lantash, where is Lantash? She reached out for the guard defending the gate, her hand taking a thick grab of his tunic. He pulled away to take a fleeting shot at a turning glider. Kemah tugged on her arm, pulling her towards the event horizon.

Lantash? He pleaded with the guard.

He is on the east bank, Jolinar. Hurry now, get through the Chaapa'ai! He didn't turn to look at her, just kept firing off rounds with his ineffective staff. Her heart sank. The east bank was the furthest away from the only escape they had. Stumbling backwards, she stepped through, her mouth still open in shock. How could he be on the east bank?

Chaos ensued on the other side. The pair walked out into a dimly light night sky, instantly being surrounded by those who were first through the gate. Kemah was separated from Jolinar by the healers, taking her below to where the tunnels were being recreated to serve as an infirmary for the sick and the injured. Numbness flowed through Jolinar's body as the guard's words echoed through her head.

She wanted to be alone. Rosha reappeared and the tears began to stream down her face, thinking of Martouf and the very real possibility he wouldn't make it through the gate. Legs giving out on her, she slipped down onto her knees, a thick pad of moss cushioning her body. Hugging herself in the cold air, she rocked as she watched the rest appear, her heart breaking a touch more when she realized it wasn't her lover and mate amongst them.

Please be alive, Martouf. She moaned, sniffing back her tears. Panic increased as the numbers began to dwindle till only a few trickled through, the last of the guards making sure the rest had evacuated. Closing her eyes, she tried to concentrate, to make a cosmic connection through the galaxy to him. He had to be alive, he had promised he'd never leave her.

Rosha! Garshaw approached, her eyes wide as she saw the woman crumpled on the ground trying to comfort herself. Her dark cloak was wrapped around her body tightly, keeping the draft off of her. Leaning forward, she held out her hand to Rosha. We must get underground.

Martouf. She said weakly, allowing Garshaw to pull her to her feet as her fingers slipped around the offered hand.

He is okay. I'm sure of it. Yosuuf appeared, comforting her friend in a way the Tok'ra could not. When has he ever let you down? Her face spread into a wide smile as she opened up her cloak to envelop Rosha in next to her.

Not every one is through yet. There is still time. The words were meant as a reassurance as Yosuuf led her towards the transport rings, but it wasn't working. Wiping her tears on the back of her hand, Rosha projected another prayer through the Chaapa'ai before disappearing below ground.

I wish it had ended there. But it didn't. Leave it to Jolinar to torture me a bit more, selfish woman, Tok'ra, that she is. Martouf didn't come back and it nearly killed her. I have never felt such remorse and pain before my entire life, and I had nothing to do with it. Rosha lost control in grief, leaving the symbiot to keep her alive. I have never been one to be depressed, but that's all I could feel; this overwhelming despair on my shoulders that wouldn't let up. She cried till she had no tears left. He meant so much to her in multiple ways. Not only was he Rosha's mate, but Lantash was Jolinar's. The words he told me on the hill echoed in my head - we love as one and we mourn as one.

I'm not sure exactly how many days went by, it was all a blur. But there came a point where the rest stopped waiting. Jolinar couldn't. Her vigil at the gate began at dawn and didn't end until dusk, usually when she fell asleep on the mossy ground from exhaustion. She refused all food, and only the occasional conversation, as her confidence remained about her mate returning. She was even determined that if the group had to move on, she would remain behind to show him the way when he appeared. If she were on Earth, they would have locked her up long ago for being psychotic.

And then I found myself as her, dreaming of Martouf as she slept a fitful sleep near the gate. Her subconscious decided to give her a bit of a vacation from her self-induced torture, conjuring up images of romantic, loving times.

It felt strangely voyeuristic to be involved, as if it was a new way to be a Peeping Tom; to actually experience the intimacy. He was a patient and caring lover, much more so than any other man I had been with and it made me jealous. He kissed her as if he worshipped her, his hands touching with delicacy and soft caresses. And for all of the years they had been together, it felt like they loved each other the same as they had when they first met.

It wasn't even the lovemaking that got to me as much as the simple stuff. Small gifts of ordinary things. He was always presenting her with some piece of jewelry he had made or found and she loved him for his unselfishness. Not having much, and not being able to take much with them when evacuating, they were able to show their feelings without extravagance and it was refreshing. I began to mourn with her as the dream traveled, bringing her a scene of sated bliss, her limbs weaving through his as he held her close beneath the covers.

She awoke with a smile on her face to say the least. Woke up in enough time to see the chevrons start to light up on the gate before her. Sitting up quickly, she stared at the Chaapa'ai in disbelief, panic freezing her still. Jolinar knew she should have called for the guards, but the small hope that her dream was coming true stopped her.

A figure tumbled out through the gate onto the lush grass and she gasped, a shaking hand lifting to her face. It didn't move. Neither did she until the wormhole disappeared, taking the cast of light with it. Slowly she crept forward, choking down her heart as she approached the fallen figure. It moaned wickedly, breath catching in a deep throat. The clothing looked vaguely familiar though the scorch and burn patches. Her gaze didn't even take in his face until his eyes flashed open at her touch, a pair of dazed amber orbs staring at her.

Rosha. He stuttered weakly, the sound barely audible. Her hands stopped touching him, her body beginning to shake. It couldn't be him.

Martouf? Jolinar whispered, her lips quivering as the name passed them, watching for any sign of recognition. Slowly the figure nodded. Back in control again, Rosha began to cry, her arms careful not to disturb his wounds as she hugged him.

"Sam?" A different voice called from beside me, concern heavy on the edges. Martouf's eyes burned into my soul, his pain apparent as he grimaced, Rosha's hands beginning to assess his wounds. His lips whispered something and she leaned closer till they brushed her ear.

I love you, Rosha. I could not bear to be without you.

"Sam?" The familiar voice was a bit louder and Martouf's face began to blur. "Sam, you're having a dream."

With a touch against my arm, my realities suddenly shifted and I was left disoriented as if I had just gone through the gate. My vision was blurred as I lifted my head to look at whoever had disrupted the reunion, and I realized I had been crying. All of my body was numb, cold, and shaking, my nerves shot. Finally I was able to focus to find Colonel O'Neill leaning over me, concern heavy on his face.

For some strange reason, I lost it. I started crying harder, great sobs wracking my body and I felt like an idiot. I couldn't stop at all no matter how hard I tried. Unsure as to what to do, he simply stroked my arm, trying to calm and soothe.

"Sam, what's wrong?" I could tell by the sound in his voice that he was worried.

"Colonel." Hardly able to speak, I tried to sit up, hoping it would help me to breathe. Pulling my knees into my chest, I wiped my wet eyes on the back of my hand, sniffing loudly.

"Sam, what is it?" Becoming more urgent, his hand tightened on my arm as he shifted to both knees.

"Jolinar's memories." Burying my face in my hand, I just wanted to disappear. How could I lose it in front of him? I shouldn't be crying, it wasn't my life I had just relived. Looking up, my eyes caught his, his face cast in the warm orange glow of the campfire and I was foolish to think he was going to hold it against me. We were way past the point I had to prove anything to him. A look of pain washed over his face as he began to realize I was hurting enough to be turning on the fountains.

"Shh, Sam. It's okay." Then he went and shocked me by being kind and considerate. Sliding closer to me, he wrapped his long arms around my body and pulled me to him, tucking my head beneath his chin. I felt strangely like a child as he slowly rocked me, his hand rubbing my back to calm me down. I was mesmerized by his kindness. He's a man of few words and emotions of less, but he comes through when it counts.

He knows. I can see the pain and the jealousy flash over his face minutely when I come back to reality from one of my episodes. It's rather egotistical of him to think I wouldn't have feelings for another man while under his command, but I understand how he is. He retaliates at the unseen one that seems to bring me so much emotion because he is unable to himself. And I can tell it's killing him not to be able to get past his dumb stubbornness.

Jack O'Neill. I don't even know what to think about him. I wonder if it would be a huge let down to give into desire, to find out that we really aren't compatible for each other. We are so drawn because we are so lonely and so familiar. He has softened considerably since I first met him and our first mission, but he still has a long way to go. And I don't know if I'm up for the daunting task of helping him in the process. I love him, I think I always have, but I can't stand the way he shuts us out. Not only me, but also Daniel and Teal'c. It's that military strong man crap that has infuriated me since day one and it is all I can do not to grab him around the neck and scream 'tell me how you really feel.'

Taking a fistful of his shirt in my hand, I steadied myself against my friend, trying to come to terms with what had just happened. Instantly I felt safe and protected, and I wasn't sure what to think. His hand lifted slowly from my shoulder to wash over my hair, and I closed my eyes, trying to concentrate on relaxing.

"Thank you, sir." Sniffing, I wiped my tears from his chest and leaned back against his arms. A gentle smile spread over his face.

"Want to talk about it?" His hand continued to rest on my back as he sat down beside me, leaning over his long legs to look at the side of my tear streaked face.

"I don't even know where I end and she begins half of the time." Turning towards him, I smiled, looking at his scruffed graying hair. "And she pulls this...shit at the most inappropriate times, besides that!"

"It was about Martouf, wasn't it?" Nervous, his gaze shifted to his leg and he picked at the Velcro closure to the pocket at his thigh. He was feeling something. Jealousy? Maybe, but the look on his face wasn't quite as hostile towards me as it sometimes was when my attentions were divided.

"Yes. They were evacuating the tunnels and she was separated from him. He was on the surface providing cover for the evacuees and didn't make it through the gate when the rest of them did. She waited by the gate for what seemed like weeks before he came through very near death."

"There's devotion for you." Jack's hand slipped up to my shoulder, his fingers circling the top of my arm. "How often does it happen?"

"A whole lot since when we found them and I met Martouf. I'd get little flashes of things prior to that, but never of this intensity. This is the second time today." I closed my eyes and breathed. "Ever since we...."

I froze. I didn't want to tell him about the things Martouf had told me, about my impressions and feelings for the man. How I saw the love sickness in his eyes when he told me I looked like Rosha. Or the waves of passion, pain, and sorrow when he took my hand to give me the slightest comprehension of what they had together. But why should Jack care, or on some strange level, was I keeping it from him because I thought we had a chance if there was none other?

"Ever since we what?"

"Nevermind, Colonel." He frowned, releasing a deep sigh. I swallowed. What did he want to hear? That I had indecent thoughts about some alien because of the snake that had invaded my body and my brain? That the thought of him and the way he treated that snake and her former host made me think there was some hope for the male population after all? Did he want me to say that I wanted him to be half that passionate towards me?

"I don't claim to be the world expert on love and relationships. In fact, the few decent ones that I've had seemed to crumble at my feet. But even I know enough that trying to mould somebody into a past love's shoes doesn't work and it isn't fair."

"It's not really a past love, sir. He was mated with her for nearly a hundred years."

"Who, Martouf and...." He waved his hand, unable to remember Jolinar's host.

"Rosha. Yes. Lantash was Jolinar's mate for the same amount of time." Jack's eyebrows lifted in shock.

"No wonder he's acting like a love sick puppy." He said under his breath. I steamed and he mumbled an apology.

"It's like an amputation of one of your limbs. I can't blame him for wanting me near. I'm his last link to her." Gathering courage, I looked at him. His eyes searched my face for some kind of preparation of what my next words will be, and it only hinted of the pain that would come if I told him what I know I had to. "And I have an overwhelming desire to be with him."

That caught him off guard. He blinked several times in rapid succession before looking away, his jaw setting in a hard line. I knew that look. It was the psychological 'kicking myself in the ass because I've been such a moron' look. It was up to me to throw him a line.

"It's her memories that are pushing me towards him so hard. I feel like I have another person up in my head, one who takes control of all my thoughts. I'm here, I know it's happening, but I'm powerless to do anything. So a lot of it is her projections of love for him through me and I'm getting the residuals." Like most people, I usually think and talk better on my feet. Slowly raising myself to my knees, I stood, brushing off my dusty pants with my hands. I began to revolve circles around him as I paced. Absently he yawned as watched me, his fingers tracing lazy shapes in the dirt.

I wanted to be alone; to wallow in my own self-misery. But I didn't think Jack would appreciate me telling him to get lost. Turning back towards him, I looked over his head at the dwindling fire and to Daniel and Teal'c further away, too far gone into sleep to eavesdrop on our conversation. Sighing deeply, it was days like this that made me want somebody else to make the decisions for me. Some little Carter in a control booth far away plotting and planning my life so there would never be any curve balls thrown my direction that I had no way to defend myself against. Maybe then I could know what would come next so I could prepare. Finally my gaze lowered to his and slowly I looked away, not able to hold his eyes.

"Sam, I'm...I'm sorry. I know this has been really tough on you." His voice was sincere and I'm sure his eyes would have been too if I had the courage to look in them. Jack moved to stand and I felt my eyes begin to well with tears again. Please don't come any closer because I need to remain strong and I can't do that when you're comforting me.

"Sam." His hand reached out and took my elbow in a steady hand, trying to pull me around towards him. I resisted as long as I could, biting my lip as the tears streamed down my face. Finally he brought me into his arms despite my weak protests. Damn him for being so nice.

"It was like wearing a straight jacket with your legs bound so you couldn't move. All I could do was watch as she used my body. Couldn't talk, couldn't run away because she was inside of me, controlling me. I was trapped in my own head, Jack." He held me tight as I tucked my head beneath his chin, trying to make the horrid memory go away.

"But I know she was just trying to survive. If it wasn't for the Ashrak-"

"Come on Sam, she took over your body. No better than a Goa'uld." And damn him for being deafer than a post. Fiercely I stepped back, my fist flat against his chest in a shove and I wiped my face harshly with my free hand.

"Look, it wasn't like that at all! She needed to do it to survive. She was telling the truth when she said she'd find another host and leave me! Jolinar is--was in no way any comparison to a Goa'uld!" I yelled at him loudly, perhaps a little too loud because I looked over my shoulder in sudden fright, watching Daniel stir and roll over. Reaching out for Jack, I grabbed his arm and dragged him further away, watching a look of shock spread over his face.

"Carter, how can you-"

"Don't presume you know anything about this, because you don't!" I vehemently whispered at him, as loud as I dared. Shaking a finger, my whole body quaked as I looked into his eyes. "You don't know the first thing about what it was like!"

"Sam." His hands gripped my shoulders, forcing me square to him. Jack's fingers kneaded into my muscles until I could feel each one against the bone. "I'm sorry for making assumptions and I'm sorry-"

Not wanting to hear it, I struggled, trying to step away from him. When his grip didn't release me, I turned my face to the side. Jack's hands moved quickly from my shoulders to either side of my face, drawing my attention back to him. Lifting my head, he demanded me to look into his eyes; those deep, penetrating eyes.

"For this ever happening to you. I'm trying as best as I can to understand. I hate seeing you like this, Sam."

"Yeah, well you're not the only one." I said defensively, waiting for him to release me. Exasperated, he did. Stepping away, he turned his back to me, lifting a hand to rub his brow. "I just need time to straighten this all out. Figure out a way to mutually coexist with these memories in my head."

"And I suppose Martouf's the one to help?" Jack said so softly, so harshly, I hardly heard him. Jealous bastard.

"Excuse me?" I watched as he shook his head, placing a hand on his hip.

"Nothing. Look, it's been a long day. I'm going to wake up Teal'c for the next shift and call it a night. I think you should do the same." Turning quickly on a heel, he marched past, not giving me a second glance.

I think for the first time since I was about twelve, I cried myself asleep. No, I take that back. In the infirmary, after recovering from the possession, I buried my face in the pillow to keep the others from noticing. I have never felt so lost my entire life. It didn't start to come together for me until after I had met the Tok'ra and began to understand what it meant to be one. I still don't think I would have elected to become a host, but I could have at least known what she was doing inside of me.

Jack tries. He tries to understand what it is that I'm going through, but I know it hurts him because I have to turn to somebody else for guidance. I'm not in favor of it any more than he is. But I know Jack; whatever he can't control, he doesn't like. And since he can't handle it, he gets more distant as time goes by. Why must men be so stubborn?

Daniel woke me up in the morning. I can't imagine what I looked like, but it couldn't have been a pretty picture judging by the gasp on his face. His hand smoothed over my arm and a blush rose to his cheeks as he watched me frantically try to rub the puffiness out of my eyes. Poor Daniel; it must be nice to be so naive.

"Already time to leave paradise, Daniel?" I gave him a weary smile.

"Yeah Sam. Jack wants to get out of here." Shuffling slowly to my knees, I rolled up my sleeping bag and attached it to my pack before standing up.

"You look like you had one hell of a night, Sam." You don't know the half of it! I gave him a snort and a larger smile.

Jack was his usual delightful self as Daniel and I caught up to him and Teal'c, ready to gate back home. His gaze fell on me once and his eyes narrowed as his jaw clenched to painful tightness. Heat burned at my cheeks; a strange mixture of embarrassment and anger welling inside of me. I felt betrayed and I didn't even know why. Perhaps it was because I had shared my thoughts with him and he quickly shut me out. Following him through the gate, I spoke the curse on my lips as I passed into the event horizon, propelled faster than I care to admit to home.

Jack had stopped short on the ramp when he realized who was waiting at the other end and I came awfully close to slamming into him. The blood leached from my face as I saw him, a slow smile beginning to form across his lips, his amber eyes sparkling in delight. It was all I could do to remain standing as my knees felt like buckling beneath me, stumbling down the metal grating to the cement.

"Samantha." The smile spread into an entire facial masterpiece as greeted me. Taking a few breaths, I tried to remain calm and to avoid looking at Jack.

"Martouf." My lips trembled as I managed a small grin, feeling a large force from within lurch to my throat. What impeccable timing! Just when I begin to question my surviving sanity.

"Ah, here's Prince Charming now." Wicked till the bitter end, Jack quietly jeered, passing behind me, removing pieces of equipment as he walked. I splintered into emotional bits, split between a man I don't know and one I know only too well. Damn them all!

*****

"Samantha, you look pale. Are you feeling well?" I let my gear slip from my shoulders, finding it difficult to concentrate on anything, much less Martouf's words.

"Huh? Oh. Yeah, fine. Just a bit tired is all." I tried to smile. The furrow in his brow deepened in concern, not believing any of it. Clutching his hands behind his back, he waited patiently for me, following from the munition cabinet to the large steel blast door. Trying not to seem impolite, I motioned for him to go though the opening before myself.

Rubbing my brow, I looked at him out of the corner of my eye. It was hard to distance myself from the visions I had yesterday and last night; all I could see was a mix between the burnt and scarred man as he collapsed before the gate and the romantic lover from Jolinar's dreams. I tried to shove the thoughts from my mind and a part of me snapped.

"Look, Martouf, what are you doing here?" I said rudely, stopping as I turned to face him. He looked a little shocked at my outburst. Giving a nervous chuckle, he released his hands and crossed his arms over his chest. Looking down at his feet, his gaze slowly lifted to my face.

"I am escorting Jacob-"

"As in Jacob Carter? Dad's here? Why didn't you say something?"

"You didn't ask." He smiled wide. "He is in the conference room with General Hammond." Starting to walk again, I turned down the first corridor, Martouf in tow. He followed me up the long flight of stairs to the formal room overlooking the gate from two floors up.

"So, then he says to me 'no, but I know where you can get six tires and a beat-up Toyota without an engine.'" Dad was telling one of his numerous jokes from his service days, and I was elated to see him. Finally I could have somebody to confide in who wouldn't be directly involved. His back was turned to me as he faced the General, one arm crossed over his chest as he waved the other nonchalantly. Hammond smiled wide and shook his head, knowing a good fish story when he heard one.

"Jacob, you never cease to amaze me with the amount of bull you can weave." Stepping closer, he patted my father's shoulder and Dad chuckled.

"Dad?" I cleared my throat, watching peripherally as Martouf walked out from behind me to gaze down at the gate through the blast window. I wanted to run to my father, to cry in his arms and have him sing to me like he did when I was little. Very little. The ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah....

"Sam!" He spun on a heel, smiling wide as he crossed over the carpet to enveloping me in a hug. Kissing my cheek gently, he pushed back as if to inspect me. I held on, trying to keep him close.

"Looking a little tired. Tough mission?" His hand slipped beneath my chin to lift my face and it was all I could do not to loose it. Lifting my hand, I rubbed my eyes, shifting my gaze.

"Yeah, something like that. Dad, what are you doing here?"

"Nice to see you too, kid." Releasing my shoulders, he gave me a pat on the cheek and I grinned. "I might be this big, important Tok'ra-Human liaison, but I'm not too important to miss my granddaughter's birthday. Martouf expressed an interest to see you again-"

I looked over at the Tok'ra standing before the glass. Our eyes met briefly and for the first time I saw him blush before turning away again. He fidgeted, toeing the edge of the carpet where it ran into the baseboards. Heaven give me strength.

"So I figured I'd bring him along knowing you wouldn't mind." Dad and his assumptions.

"I'm heading to San Diego for a few to see your brother and the kids." There goes my council.

"Dad, what about Selmak?" I didn't exactly think it would be great for his cause to suddenly have his eyes light up like torches and his voice to drop a few octives.

"She's agreed to take a powder on this trip. It'll just be good old Grandpa." Dad smiled, smoothing a hand over his tan tunic as the other combed through his receeding hair. "George has been gracious enough to send an airman out shopping on my behalf. Can't go out in public looking like this. What will people say?" He modeled his half-bare legs for me and I had to chuckle. Leave it to my father to get me to laugh on one of the worst days of my life.

"Tell her I've got the present in the mail." It was a blatant lie and he knew it. In fact it had completely slipped my mind and I was usually pretty good about those kinds of things. I couldn't even remember the last time I've cooked dinner for myself I've been so out of it.

"I'll give them big hugs and kisses from Auntie Sam."

"Thanks, Dad." I found his hand and gave it a good squeeze. Please don't leave me, Dad.

"You two kids have fun. I have a date with an airplane." Dad kissed my cheek again before turning to Martouf, speaking in a language I had only heard from him while Selmak was in control. Martouf swallowed hard and nodded his head once, reminding me of a boy who had to get his date home before ten or suffer the consequences. It certainly didn't help his complexion any; cheeks flushing in bright crimson. Looking at Dad in curiosity, he simply gave me a wink and followed Hammond out of the conference room.

"Uh, what just happened there?" Crossing an arm around my waist, I hitched my thumb over my shoulder towards my departing father, watching in mild amusement as Martouf started to look like a cornered rabbit. The corners of his lips twitched until he could no longer contain the smile and he shook his head.

"I don't think it would be appropriate to repeat in your presence, Samantha." He tried to look at everything other than in my eyes. My father was too predictable.

"Let me guess. It went something like this, and it's been a while so I might have a bit of it wrong, and I'll have to adapt it for your case." I cleared my throat, and bowed my head slightly, looking at Martouf with an arched eyebrow and a pointed finger. After many years of practice, I could do a rather convincing Jacob Carter.

"I hope you know I'm trusting you with my little girl. Therefore I know you know that if anything happens to her, I'll do something to a certain part of your anatomy I'm sure not even Lantash could fix." His eyes went wide in awe as he stared at me. I managed to smile, lowering my finger as he breathed again.

"You know your father well."

"Yeah, I guess you could say that." Turning towards the door, I motioned for him to follow.

"Tell me, has he ever-" Martouf smiled again. Finally the redness drained from his face as he walked with me down the stairs.

"Made good on his promise? Almost, once. My ex-fiancee."

*****

"Two days ago was Rosha's hundred-twenty-fifth birthday." He looked into his hands as we sat on a flat rock topside, his thumb smoothing over his palm. I didn't know what to say. I usually avoid situations such as these like the plague, sticking to ones that involved little to no emotional gushing. He sighed deeply, before unlocking his hands to rub them over the tops of his thighs. I reached for a knee and pulled it to my chest, surrounding it with my arms.

I was thankful the sun had already fallen and the stars were beginning to shine through the thin wisps of high clouds in the sky. I hate being able to be seen while upset; it makes me feel weak, and God knows in my line of work, it's career suicide. Balancing my chin on my knee, I closed my eyes and listened, hearing Martouf's sorrow-laden breathing. He sounded so alone and so lost, I knew exactly how he felt. My thoughts returned to Jolinar's wait and to how she would cry herself to sleep at nights. Something deep within me came forward and I found my lips passing the words before I ever knew what was happening.

"When spirit and flesh combine, we are complete. And like a never ending web, we shall remain as one-"

"For we have no beginning or end." The suddenness of his voice scared me. He turned towards me and even in the dark I could see the surprise and pain in his face. Martouf's mouth hung open as his eyes slowly closed, and you could almost see the instant his heart broke. His chin fell to his chest and slowly rose, the strength of his symbiot taking over.

"Lantash. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset Martouf." His eyes glowed so brightly it scared me; I thought for sure he was angry with me. Squaring his shoulders, he released a deep breath that sounded like a growl. "I don't know what came over me. The words just popped to my-"

"Martouf is upset because you spoke the words he said to Rosha on their joining." Lantash's voice was deep and just as wounded as Martouf's as he spoke, his eyes finally dimming to normal. His jaw set in a hard line as he faced me. Releasing my knee, I turned towards him, hoping to repair the damage I had done.

"Lantash, let me speak to Martouf again." I took his hands in mine and slowly he looked at them then back at me.

"He is having a very hard time dealing with this, Samantha. I don't think you understand what your words have done to him." He was bitter and I couldn't say I didn't blame him. His hands moved to slip from mine, by my grip held fast.

"Please Lantash, I know you're just trying to protect him. I don't want to hurt him, but I need to discuss this. Let him through." Pleading, I gave his hands a squeeze. With a last defiant flash from his eyes, Lantash returned Martouf and the pitiful wail he gave broke my heart. He buried his face in our hands as he began to cry for his dead mate.

"Rosha."

"Oh God, I'm sorry Martouf. It just came to my head and I didn't think about it before I said the words." Unable to help it, I began to cry myself. He looked so small and helpless, like a child who just lost his dog.

Most of the men I've ever been around have been the strong military type. Daniel is about the only one I know who I'd categorize as being 'in touch with his feminine side.' He's not above shedding a few tears for something that has him upset. I've seen Jack on the verge one or two times, but like a good airman, he stuffs it in a deep dark place, never to be seen again. To watch this man humble himself before me over Rosha was unbelievable if not a little disconcerting. The Major inside of me had no clue how to handle this and all Samantha wanted to do was to wrap her arms around him and comfort him.

Slipping one of my hands from his grasp, I slowly reached for the crown of his head, smoothing over his sandy brown hair. It was a compromise Major and Samantha were partially willing to take. He took a few deep breaths, trying to regain his composure. Closing both of his hands over mine remaining, he slowly lifted his head, my hand falling from his hair to his shoulder.

"I'm sorry." He sniffed a few times, blotting his eyes on his sleeve.

"I'm the one who should be apologizing, Samantha." Martouf managed a slight smile, raising a hand to wash it over his tear stained face. "You caught me off guard, is all. I was not expecting you to say that. It has been tough lately."

"I know. I've been having a tough time too." He released me finally, sitting up straight again. Slowly he stood, hugging himself as he took two steps forward. Taking a few seconds while not under observation, I rubbed my face dry and tried to relax.

Something flashed before my eyes and I drew a quick breath. A heated argument. He was winning. Tears were streaming down her face because he was being stubborn. A mission. She was supposed to go with a team to infiltrate a Goa'uld stronghold and he was more than angry that she had elected herself to go without talking with him first. Jolinar forced herself into the conversation, abruptly reminding him of their duties and vows.

Can you understand that I love you? I know what we have to do, but it can't stop me from worrying about you, Rosha! I just wish you would have talked to me about it!

"How did you meet her?" I said after a long silence, allowing the visions to fade away back into my subconscious. I watched him from behind as he looked up, staring into the sea of stars above us, trying to find some solace in the heavens. His shoulders rounded over and he sighed. Looking over at me, Martouf spoke.

"Just shortly after I decided to become a host. I never saw her until three days before my blending, but when I saw her-" He turned, and smiled wide.

"It was love at first sight?" I offered, grinning at the cliche. His face lit up in a breathtaking smile, slowly fading into a nibbled lip.

"Yes, it was." Martouf contemplated the ground, kicking at a large clod of earth. "She is-was the most beautiful woman I have seen and I wasn't sure if I was dreaming." He turned to look at me, his arms still crossed over his chest. His face was mournful, but held a smile again. Eventually he rejoined me on the rock, crossing his legs as he leaned against them with his elbows. Cupping his face in his hands, they washed over his checks before resting beneath his chin.

Hesitantly I reached out for his arm, not sure if I should impose for the rest of the story. My fingertips brushed his sleeve, starting from his shoulder to his elbow. My hand stopped at the crook of his arm, and slipped forward, surrounding it until my thumb brushed against his forearm. He looked down at my fingers and an eternity passed before he lowered a hand from his face to close over mine. His touch was soft and warm. In a further motion of intimacy, his fingers wove between mine as they had that afternoon on the sand dune. An overwhelming calmness swept over me as if we were meant to be this way.

"Thank you Samantha." Martouf said so softly I hardly heard him.

"What for?" Leaning closer, my hand squeezed his arm.

"For being here. Around you I feel like I haven't lost her completely." He turned to look at me. "And I have a friend who understands my loss."

Lifting his hand from mine, he reached for my face, smoothing his thumb out over my damp cheek before his fingers curled against my ear. I was too scared to move, deliberating between what I wanted and what the small traces of Rosha wanted. His thumb traced the line of my upper lip and I closed my eyes, the sensation strangely calming.

"Martouf." I breathed his name because my voice betrayed me. I wanted to stop him before it went any further and he ended up doing something we'd both regret.

"Samantha, I know this isn't right. She's gone from me. I'm sorry for your being involved." His voice caught in his throat as the emotions became too much for him.

Why does this always happen to me? Is it in my DNA that just compels me to fly against the face of reason and do stupid things? Lifting my hand from his arm, I flattened it out against his chest and I swear I could feel his heart beat hard and fast. Sensing a need to confess my sins, I opened my eyes to look at him.

"I've been having strange waking dreams." I swallowed.

"About?" He prompted, looking strangely guilty.

"You."

"Oh." Martouf looked away, and I'm sure if it had been light out, I would have seen the same shade of red seep into his face as it had in the conference room.

"You loved her so much and you meant the world to her. I'd be lying if I didn't say I was jealous." In disbelief he looked back at me, his thumb stopping over my lips.

"And if I said I wasn't starting to think that way myself." All rational thought flew from me as the darkest of my confessions came forward.

I don't know why he did it and I don't know why I didn't stop him, but who am I to argue with impulse? His lips replaced his thumb, kissing me so slightly I hardly felt it. Slowly I began to understand why these emotions were so strong in me. It was because they were so strong in her. I felt his lips breathe my name against mine as his hand slipped further across my ear until his fingers wove through my hair to draw me closer.

I think once I get this straightened out, I am seriously going to go off men for a good long while!

*****

He was one hell of a kisser, I had to admit. It wasn't a deep, intimate kiss, but the way his lips played on mine was enough to make me wish it was. His fingers wove their way though my hair, grabbing fistfuls and releasing as his free hand smoothed across my cheek and the side of my neck. Why couldn't he have been mine instead of belonging to a woman long dead? My fingers splayed over the fabric of his tunic, nails leaving trenches across the rough grain. Was it horrible to want him?

I briefly moaned my displeasure when his lips left mine only to gasp in shock as they sweetly rounded my chin towards my throat. My free will had escaped me long ago and I didn't resist as his hand through my hair tipped my head back to make his target more accessable. The unexpected suddenness of his hand against my cheek leaving to grip my shoulder to pull me against him left me breathless.

And like the masochistic woman I am, I wondered if this was what he did to her.

Dazed, I hardly knew it when he returned to my mouth, pressing his lips against mine. Shifting he slid closer as his kiss became more urgent, baring down on me. I felt his mouth tug on my bottom lip, parting them briefly before his hands returned to rail my face. The tip of his tongue dragged across my upper lip as I gasped for breath and damn him if he didn't use the opportunity of my distraction to slip it between them.

Slowly my own desire began to drown out Jolinar's and my thoughts were beginning to verge on pornographic. My hands slid from his chest to his shoulders until I was pulling him closer, urging him towards me. Would it have been like this is Jolinar hadn't been killed by the Ashrak? Would I have stepped into Rosha's shoes?

Rosha. I swore at myself through the heated daze he had caused in my body. Was he actually feeling this for me or for the few remaining traces of his dead mate in my head? God, it was so wrong, but felt sinfully delicious like I had gotten my hands on an entire double chocolate cake and it was all mine. Who am I kidding? It's not all mine; it's split five ways.

Trying to extract myself, I ground the heels of my palms against his shoulders, attempting to push him back. I turned my head in his hands, pulling my lips from his in bittersweet agony.

"Martouf, no."

Martouf pulled away and lowered his head, his hands still cupping my face. He took a few deep breaths, and I could begin to feel him tremble. Licking the moisture from my lips, I tried to breathe and tried to comprehend what had just happened. He kissed me, definitely kissed me, but why? Of course I certainly didn't help matters when I told him I was jealous of how he treated Rosha and that I wished he was doing that to me.

What on earth did I get myself into? Sliding back away from him, I wanted to run and find the sanity I had lost. I should have known better, but since when do I do anything that would be the intelligent decision? When his head lifted I looked into his glowing amber eyes and I knew he realized his mistake.

"Samantha, what have we done?" Lantash spoke, removing his hands from my face to press against his, amplifying his heavy breathing. For the first time, I heard his voice get emotional and it was disturbing.

"Martouf is a fool." He mumbled, turning away from me. The poor guy was all screwed up and I knew exactly how he felt. I had to flee before the situation got more hysterical than I knew what to do with.

"I think I better go. I'll leave you two...to it." Standing up, I tried to start walking away, but his hand grabbed mine. Looking down into his eyes I could see right into his wounded soul. What have I done to him?

"Please accept our deepest, sincerest apology, Samantha. This has been much harder on Martouf than I ever anticipated and I fear he is...projecting some of his feelings for Rosha to you." Gee, ya think? I like being a tool, really I do. I shivered and a cloud of self-disgust surrounded me like a thick fog. And to think I was a willing partner in his mental anguish!

"S'okay Lantash. I understand. I'm going to go inside now. When you're ready, just have the guard find me and I'll escort you back to the conference room." He released my hand and gave me a slight nod. I started walking towards the door that would take me back down below ground, wrapping my arms around my chest.

I hoped to God he wouldn't do anything desperate like pitch himself over a cliff, but I had to get away from him to clear my head. For once, I wish I had my old brain back. Then maybe I would be able to make reasonable decisions. Finding some amount of solace in the thought that Lantash probably wouldn't let his host electively kill himself, my hand closed over the cold metal of the door latch in a white-knuckled strangle hold.

I didn't even give the guard a glance as I marched down the hall, storming for the elevator. Are all women this tragic or is it only me? I pressed my forehead into one of the car's walls, soothing an encroaching headache on the cool metal surface and began to wonder why my problems weren't so easy to run away from like they had been. Jack, my friend and CO was jealous because he thought I was attracted to a man other than himself and Martouf, a man I don't even know is mistaking me for his dead wife.

When did it get so damn complicated? The car began its slow descent down twenty-eight levels and I started to feel like I was in some tragic Shakespeare play or Greek epic destined to die of mental illness over it all. Ophelia started to ring a bell.

That's what I was; some dumb creature who couldn't see the train barreling down on her, destined to become road kill in the path of life. And since I hadn't quite drown yet, this had to be the calm before storm. I was dreading what would come later.

Finally the car landed on the twenty eighth floor and I stepped out, heading towards my quarters. Being able to walk the corridors in my sleep, I didn't need to watch, just deciding to rub my face again to remove any tell tale signs of what happed on the surface. But as the Colonel suggested with putting a sign up saying that gate travel was hazardous to your health, there should also be a sign to warn of wandering anthropologists.

Daniel came around the corner fast at the same time I turned it and we collided in a mass tangle of limbs and painful groans. Our foreheads smacking together didn't help my headache any and I nearly dislocated his shoulder to raise my hand to my head.

"Dammit, Daniel, watch where you're going!" I said harshly, knowing it was just as much my fault as his, but in my present mental condition I wasn't willing to accept responsibility. Grinding the heel of my palm into my bruising forehead, I gritted my teeth and looked at him around my forearm. His face flushed as he pushed his glasses back on his nose, pressing his fingertips into his scalp.

"Sorry Sam. I just got a report that SG5 returned with a rather nice looking burial urn and I wanted to check it out." He managed a smile, blinking rapidly as he grimaced, shaking out the pain. "You got a hard head there."

"Shut up, Daniel." I said before I realized it. Pissed or not, I had no right to take it out on him, but at that point he had a Y chromosome and he was fair game. The shock washed over his face and his eyes went wide, totally not expecting that from me. He looked pitifully wounded.

"Sor-ry." But he could be cruel too, when he wanted to be. "Christ, what's your problem?" Until that moment, I didn't know how much I had upset him. How could I be so petty to hurt one of my best friends? My hand slid down from my forehead and I cupped my nose and mouth, blowing out a terse breath.

"Daniel, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to jump all over you like that. It's just been a bad day." Thankfully his face softened and he took a step forward, reaching out to touch my shoulders.

"Wanna talk about it?" Daniel said softly, and I began to lose it.

"Not particularly." My voice cracked and he came closer, his hands slipping around my shoulders to envelop me in a hug. I resisted the urge to cry; I couldn't do it again, not in front of another teammate.

"It started last night, didn't it?" His touch smoothed over my back before lifting to wash over my hair and over my neck. Startled, I looked up.

"What?"

"Last night, I heard you and Jack talking." Horrified, I averted my eyes. How much did he know? "Arguing actually. Couldn't hear a lot of it, but I have a feeling it was about Jolinar--" He released me enough so he could reach to touch my face, making me look at him again. I can't resist Daniel's eyes; I don't think anybody could. The crease between his brows deepened as the corners of his lips cast down in a small frown. Damn him for making it virtually impossible to bluff. "And Martouf." I moved my hand to cover my face and he batted it away. "Sam, come on."

"Oh God, Daniel. What do I do? He's trying to turn me into Rosha and Jolinar is making it near to impossible to resist." Leaning forward, I rested my forehead on his shoulder, wrapping my arms about his chest. He held me tight and didn't say another word, just simply let me take some comfort in his arms. Adjusting my head against him, I slowly opened my eyes, looking down the hall behind him.

Remember what I said about the calm before the storm? Jack rounded the corner down the hallway and almost skidded to a stop mid step when he saw Daniel and I locked in an embrace. His mouth slowly dropped open as his fists clenched at his sides, before he slowly stood up straight. Adverting his eyes, his mouth closed and his lips formed a tight line as his jaw clenched. I wanted to cry out to him, I wasn't sure why, but he turned away with such an angry look on his face it scared me. Quickly he backtracked and I slumped in Daniel's arms, biting my lip as I buried my face in his collar.

*****

Oh...my...God. Oh my God! Ohmygod!

My head lifted off of Daniel's shoulder so fast I almost gave myself whiplash. For all I knew, Jack had heard what I had said to Daniel before he rounded the corner, and it would be typical of him to try and confront Martouf. My fingers dug into Daniel's sides and he flinched.

"Sam, what is it?" I was scared into rigidity, not even daring to turn to look at him.

"I've got to find the Colonel." I said matter-of-factly, willing my legs to take a step back.

"Jack? Why?" His hands slid from my shoulders to my upper arms, looking into my glazed over face. My mouth dropped open. "Sam?"

"Daniel, what does he do when he thinks one of us have been wronged?" Heart pounding like a race track of horses, I swallowed, and tried to breathe. Dammit, why won't my legs work?

"Usually vows physical dam-" His hands squeezed my arms in shock. "Sam, you don't think he'd try to go after Martouf, do you?"

"I don't know! That's why I gotta find him!" Finally, visions of the two battling to the death made my feet move and I stepped back again and out of Daniel's hands. "Last time I saw Martouf, he was top side. See if you can't find him before the Colonel does. I'm going to find O'Neill."

"Okay, Sam." Giving my arm a pat, Daniel headed off down the corridor behind me as I raced towards where I had seen Jack last. I nearly collided with another co-worker and startled two airmen guards as I passed the gateroom blast doors.

"Lieutenant, have you seen Colonel O'Neill." He smoothed down the navy tie over his chest before snapping to, leveling his eyes on the wall behind me.

"Yes, ma'am."

"And?" I prompted, wanting him to at least point a finger in a direction. He blinked several times before he realized what I meant, then stepped forward to look around me and down the corridor.

"He went that way, ma'am." He pointed to the hall behind me and I cursed under my breath. Jack was heading for the shortcut to the surface.

"Thank you Lieutenant." I shouted over my shoulder, sprinting as fast as I dared down the polished tiles, skidding to the side as I rounded the corner in enough time to see Jack step and turn to the right. I had to get to him before he got to the elevator. Picking up the pace, I prayed my feet wouldn't slip out from beneath me and my heart sank as I heard the chime from the elevator announce its approaching arrival.

Making it to the last corner, I hit the straight-a-way full tilt, brushing against the opposite wall with my shoulder before going down the median again. Jack stood with his hands on his hips and his head bowed, tapping an impatient foot as he waited. With a loud resounding ding, the doors slid back and I opened my mouth to yell for him to wait. I didn't have to.

"Colonel O'Neill. I did not have a chance to--" Martouf stepped out into the hallway from the elevator into certain doom. Jack simply looked up and a strange smile swept over his face before he lunged forward, taking Martouf's shoulders in his hands.

"Martouf." The Colonel said with a growl, and I slid to a stop, watching the nightmare unravel even more.

"Colonel O'Neill?" The Tok'ra looked puzzled, not knowing the joys of Jack's wraith, and certainly not knowing he was about to be the object of it. Stumbling, Martouf raised his hands to Jack's arms, bracing himself.

"You sonofabitch!" Driving him back hard into the wall, Jack slammed Martouf into the cement, pinning him with his forearm beneath the Tok'ra's throat. Freeing up his left arm, he drove his fist into the man's stomach, leaving him doubled over in pain.

"Colonel, no!" Finally finding my voice, I stepped towards them, not sure what I could do for Martouf. I hadn't seen Jack so upset since he assaulted Harlan when we thought our consciousness had been switched into androids. The Colonel let him up briefly only to cross over his face with a hard punch, sending Martouf to the floor.

"Oh God!" Rushing forward, I tried to help, but Jack stepped in my way. "Colonel, what have you done?" Dazed but still conscious, Martouf lifted a shaking hand to his face to inspect the damage. His nose was badly bleeding, more than likely broken, the crimson flowing down over his lips and into his mouth. Examining his stained fingers, his face set in grim determination as he leaned against the wall for balance, eventually rising to his feet.

Reaching for Jack's shoulder, my fingers slipped over his shirt before he shrugged away. He didn't even look at me as he stepped towards Martouf again. Did he honestly think he had a prayer if Lantash came forward?

"Carter get out of here!" He shouted angrily at me, threading his hands around a healthy portion of the Tok'ra's tunic. "Time to teach this snake head a lesson."

Martouf was prepared this time. Tucking his arms up between the Colonel's, he drew his forearms out, extracting Jack's hands from the tunic. Gasping in terror, I took a step back as his hand went for O'Neill's throat, pushing him back into the wall.

Much stronger than he looks even without the symbiot's help, Martouf had Jack cornered and choking into submission faster than I thought possible. Now I had to reason with him. Moving towards the pair, I struggled, reaching up to clutch at the Tok'ra's forearm.

"Martouf, no! Stop please, you're going to hurt him!" My fingers sank into the taunt muscles, trying to pull him away as I watched Jack's face turn bright red, gasping for air. Tearing my eyes from him, I looked back at Martouf, his head turning towards me. The blood was bright, smeared across his jaw from the struggle with Jack and his eyes were dark and so filled with anger it scared me.

"Samantha, leave!" He growled at me, the thick cords in his neck flexing as he held the Colonel against the concrete.

"Now!" His voice, suddenly altered, made me jump back as his eyes lit up in blinding brightness. It was Lantash. I looked back at Jack, and I could see the exact second he realized he didn't have a chance. Both hands wrapped around Lantash's wrist as he tried to pull his head back away from the vice grip. He lashed out with his feet, possibly to catch the Tok'ra's shins or to knock him off balance. It wasn't going to work.

"Please Lantash, don't! Let him go!" I didn't want to hurt him, but I wasn't about to let him kill Jack. I glanced at the emergency alarm further up the wall, ready to run and pull it if I couldn't talk Lantash down. His grip only steadied on Jack, beginning a slow slide up the wall till the Colonel's feet were off the ground. Jack's mouth frantically opened and closed, trying to get air past the death clutch on his throat. Giving up on trying to claw himself free, one hand lowered to pound at the wall behind him.

"You are trying my patience, Tau'ri!" Eyes aglow in fierceness, Lantash spoke again, fingers tightening until they were no longer on either side of Jack's neck but around his windpipe. Jack drove his heels into the wall in agony, the red in his face deepening into a rich purple.

"Lantash! You can't kill him! They'll never let you go if you do. Please, let go of him!" Lowering his eyes from Jack's face, he looked at me out of the corner of his eye, weighing my words. Slowly his gaze returned to the Colonel as he moved another inch up the wall.

"He was just trying to protect me! He doesn't understand! Please!" Now fearing Jack's life was in real jeopardy, I stepped around behind Lantash and moved for the alarm. Deciding on a different tactic, my hand just rested on the signal, not pressing it.

"Come on Martouf! You know how he is! Call it petty jealousness, I don't care, just don't kill him!" Lantash's eyebrow arched slightly as he watched me. "For me, please?" Jack's eyelids were becoming heavy and his struggles lessened, suffocating. Dancing my fingers over the button, I didn't know how much time I had to bargain with before the Colonel would pass out.

Like a child dropping a rag doll, Lantash's hand simply opened and Jack spilled to the ground around his feet. His gasp was haunting as he tried to get air back into his lungs. Pressing his face against the cold tiles, he clutched at his bruised throat until his breathing became somewhat normal again.

Horrified, I looked back at Lantash. A small smirk fell over his face as he took a step forward to lean over Jack. It spread into a smile as he spoke.

"Never touch me again, Tau'ri, or I will kill you." He said softly, pointedly.

Taking a step back, I wanted to throw up. I understood the whole Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde idea, but this was beyond belief. Feeling like I didn't know him any more, I took another step back when the Tok'ra stood up and looked at me. I certainly couldn't excuse Jack's actions, but I couldn't excuse Lantash's either.

Slowly his chin dropped to his chest as his eyes dimmed, and Martouf reappeared. His gaze moved from the floor to Jack, and in shock as if he didn't realize what had happened, he stumbled back. Looking up at me, he touched his face again, wincing as his fingers brushed against his broken nose.

"Samantha, I am sorry, I-"

"Can it!" Men and their hormones! Thoroughly annoyed, I raised my finger, shaking it at him. "You know, I might have expected that from him," turning to the side, I looked at Jack, slowly recovering as he sat up. "But from you? I thought you might have been above an adolescent display like that! I'll take you to where you can get cleaned up, then I am escorting you to the gate and you are leaving without my father for now." Spinning on a heel, I leered at Jack, putting both hands on my hips.

"And you! The next time you're feeling all chivalrous and think that I need saving, don't, and let's say you did! I have never seen such an act of stupidity my whole entire life!" Leaning closer, I whispered. "And if I had half a mind at the time, I would have let him kill you!" Jack's eyes flared in anger as his mouth moved, his throat still too sore for him to talk. I was grateful because if the look on his face was any indication, I would have gotten a verbal reaming I'd regret.

I don't find it amusing or endearing to see two grown men duke it out over me. I feel like a piece of meat. At least Martouf was showing a bit of remorse, bowing his head as I led him away, but Jack looked even more upset than he was before it all started. Looking back over my shoulder, I watched as he slowly got to his feet, finally lowering his hand from his throat.

*****

After formal apologies, they agreed to disagree and mutually coexist. I still didn't have half the answers I needed. Martouf had begged forgiveness from me, hoping that one day we could be friends again. I told him we were friends, we just needed time out to make sure we weren't acting on whim. I wasn't nearly as angry with him as I was with Jack. The damn bastard hadn't talked to me more than necessary since it happened.

Then it really hit the fan.

Carefully placing a few naquada samples back into their mineral oil bath, I didn't here him come into the lab. Setting down my tongs, I scratched a few more notes into the small pad of paper I had beside me. The sudden slamming of the door scared me as I gasped in surprise, the black pen leaving a long line of ink as my hand leaped across the page. Turning around I looked at Jack, the wedge for the door suspiciously beneath his foot.

"Whoops!" He shrugged, a smirk growing over his face.

"May I help you, Colonel?" I went back to my pad of paper, presenting him my back.

"Yeah, you can get your behind over here and stand at attention when I'm talking to you." The sudden wicked turn in his voice made me face him again, my cheeks flushing as I realized he wasn't playing around. He was getting payback by pulling rank. I was in for it. "Major." He added with an extra dash of venom.

The pen slipped from my fingers, rolling from the notebook to drop on the floor. The little clatter from it falling unbelievably loud, I flinched, not daring to make a move towards picking it up. All moisture sucked from my mouth, I licked my lips nervously as I smoothed out my uniform, walking through the maze of tables towards his position near the door. Stopping abruptly, I put my feet together and straightened my spine, leveling my eyes on the wall over his shoulder like a good soldier.

He took a step forward, and our arms brushed as his head swiveled to look at me. I could feel my face get hot and turn bright red, my heart leaping in my chest. Knowing with out any doubt that he was at fault for the situation, I couldn't help feeling like I had let him down on some strange level. His gratitude can be uplifting, but I pity whoever has to endure his disappointment.

Slowly he revolved around me as if inspecting a prize heifer. Setting my jaw, I endured, wanting more than anything to break out of my stance of attention, to face him and ask him why he had attacked Martouf. When he stepped back in front of me, there was hardly a breath of air between our bodies.

"If I ever hear you even mildly entertaining the idea of killing me off again, even if I've been pig headed, condescending, and haven't even thought about your feelings in the matter--" His voice was so stern, so soft, I was slowly panicking. One word to the General about what I had said to him would have me brought up on disorderly conduct charges and God knows what would happen then. Swallowing hard, I hazarded the chance at looking at him. The crease between his brows was deep, almost shadowing his dark eyes from me. I searched them frantically for a sign, something that would tell me I wasn't in as much trouble as I thought. "I want you to go ahead and do it." My heart shot to my throat in disbelief.

"Sir?" I didn't even move my mouth as I spoke.

"Sam, can you forgive me for being such a...prick, for the lack of a better word?" His hands gradually lifted to rest on my arms and I wasn't sure if I wanted to smile or to punch him. "There isn't an excuse for what I did."

My eyes trailed from his face to stare at the purple welts around his neck and I'm not sure what possessed me to lift my hand to brush my fingertips against them. Arm resting against his chest, I touched either side, my gaze focusing on his eyes again.

"I guess I'm just trying to protect you." Biting my lip, I tried not to smile. "I know, I know, you can take care of yourself. Sue me for wanting to anyway."

"S'okay." I mumbled, finally unable to restrain the grin spreading over my face.

"I know I'm not the easiest guy to talk to, but I try. This stuff you're going through is pretty alien to me and well...you get the point." Smiling as he looked down on me, I could have sworn I saw a slight blush rose to his cheeks. "I'm frustrated I can't help you."

"I know. But you are." His hands on my arms slipped around, pulling me into a hug. Being careful of his neck, I rested my head against his shoulder, looping my arms against him to spread over his back.

"I am?" He whispered against my hair as his fingers interlocked between my shoulder blades.

"Yeah. You are. You're the one who's there to wake me from my nightmares." Simply holding me tighter, I knew he was trying his hardest to come to terms with the weird turn of events Jolinar's possession had thrown at us. I knew it had scared him like nothing else when he thought I would never return to him, that I was a permanent prisoner of war. His anger mixed with jealousy when he learned of my connection to Martouf and it had been coming to a head ever since. I know he feels useless when he can't help, and that's exactly what this had done to him.

"Thank you, Jack." I whispered into his shoulder and his fingers slipped apart, allowing his hands to move over my back. Holding me tight with one arm, a hand washed over my hair, landing at the base of my neck.

"You're welcome, Sam."

*****

The End.