Title:  An Officer and a Gentleman

Author:  Rae FatEbb@Aol.com

Spoilers: Brief mention of Seth, 2001, 2010, basically, Mark and Joe

Disclaimer: There not mine they just came out to play. Jack I want you to come home as soon as you're done.

Synopsis: Sam is attacked by a friend, and must deal with the consequences. Sam/Jack, Janet/Daniel. Rape, Angst.

Status:  Complete

Archive: Heliopolis, Sam and Jack Archive, Shipper Sanctuary, everyone else please asks first. I'll say yes. I just want to be able to come and visit.

Rating:   R / NC17

Date:  20 December 2001

Authors Notes: This happened to a friend of mine. While the pain is hers, coping has been hard for all of those who love her. This affects all of us, but if you don't wanna read it, you've been warned. Thanks to my beta Shau're.

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Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it OK
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction or a beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
In the arms of the Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here
Sarah McLachlan ~ Angel

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The cold harsh reality, which the light of day brings, filtered through the blinds, bringing with clarity of the vile and wretched ugliness that surrounded her. Dragging her tired, beaten and blood stained form upright. Her eyes scanned her surroundings. Locating her torn blouse, she quickly dressed before casting one last accusatory eye at her assailant's unconscious form. His sweat covered muscular torso a mocking reminder.

Cradling her broken arm she stumbled out of the room that had caused her so much pain. Only now allowing the tears to fall unchecked. Outside she flagged a cab, unsure of where to go and desperate for a reassuring voice she headed for her best friend's house. After being unceremoniously dumped on the patio, she stood outside trying to calm the flood of emotions that threatened to overcome her at any minute, hurt, despair, anger and an overwhelming feeling of sadness.

Detecting some movement inside she attempted to tidy herself. Smoothing down her torn skirt and top, pushing down her scruffy hair. As for her makeup, there was nothing to be done for the smeared lipstick and her mascara streaked cheeks. Catching her off guard for the second time, the door swung open revealing a half-naked Daniel wielding a baseball bat. The momentary shock got the better of both of them.

As he took in her scruffy appearance, torn clothing and obviously broken arm, she clutched to her chest he began to feel sick. Standing in front of him was a woman he had come to think of as his sister, tough enough to stand up to a legion of Jaffa. A woman who could show such tenderness, with little Cassie, brilliant and persistent enough to build a particle accelerator, thereby rewriting the laws of physics to bring a man, their CO. friend and to Sam, maybe one day something else, home. Yet now she stood shaking like a leaf, beaten. The early signs of bruising around her right eye and cheek bone setting in. Stepping closer to her she shrank back, afraid to be touched. Just hours ago the group of friends had been singing,
talking, dancing and drinking happily at O'Malley's. Now…

"Sam" her own name sounded foreign to her own ears. Taking a step forward he gently lifted her chin up to him. Finally opening her eyes, he was speechless. Gone was the sparkle and joy, instead something dark and evil had taken up residence. Pulling her into his arms, she hesitated for a moment, before seeming to realise that she was finally safe, that she no longer had to keep running on adrenaline. Clinging on to him as if he was her life, he slowly led her inside and over to the couch.

Janet came stumbling out of her room wearing only Daniel's black T- shirt. "Daniel, how long does it take to find ice cream, I'm getting cold without…" Shock, the flavor of the month gripped Janet as she took in the sight in front of her. Nestled in her little lounge room sat her lover cradling her best friend like a doll. Moving to their side she took in Sam's appearance fearing the worst. Daniel looked equally distraught; his eyes filled with tears as he gentle rocked her back and forth. Not allowing her self-the luxury to allocate emotions, she launched into doctor mode, firing off a sting of orders to Daniel while she tried to calm Sam. Together they wrapped her in blankets to stave off the impending shock, before bundling her into Janet's car.

They arrived at the rear entrance of the public hospital, where a small army of Janet's most trusted doctors and nurses stood waiting. Daniel had done well to organise this, quoting Janet's service number and briefly explaining the situation. He was able to gather a small team of people who could be counted on to remain quiet and keep questions to a minimum. She was herded into a room with dimmed lights and helped up onto a bed. Never once letting go of either Daniel or Janet. After her arm had been set and the cuts, stitched came the part neither wanted to ever have to have done.

"Sam, sweetie. I'd like to do a rape kit, but only if you want to." Very little had been said since Sam had arrived at Janet's house, even the assailant remained anonymous. "Sam it's important that we do this. We can also check to see if everything is ok. I'd like you to also have a pregnancy test. That one word seemed to push her over the edge. Grabbing frantically for Daniel she buried her face in his chest, trying in vain to force the reality of the situation far, far away.

Having forcibly garnished a promise from both her friends, that not a word would be said to anyone, and only the minimal amount of information supplied to Hammond that was required. She was finally free to go home. She knew they were concerned for her, but she flatly refused any more help.

Now in the early hours of the morning, Daniel and Janet headed home to try and get some sleep before the inevitable long day. Fearful of the consequences of both the mental state of their friend and the effect this would have on their team.

Sam Carter sat on the floor of her shower letting the water stream down over her little body as she cried her self into an exhausted sleep.

That funny pins and needles feeling coursed through her body as she fought to regain consciousness. She felt strong arms and hands touching her and in a fearful moment thought she was back in the room again. Screaming, she clawed at the intruder's arms, frantic to be free. Her feet slipped beneath her, only then she realised she was soaking wet, shivering. At some point the hot water must have run out and now her fingertips, lips, and toes were as blue as the bruising on her face. Struggling to free her self from the arms that held her up, she felt a robe drawn around her shoulders, the hands slowly rubbing up and down her back comforting and warming her.

As reality finally dawned on her she realised that those arms belonged to Teal'c. He had arrived at her house, shortly after receiving a call from Daniel at the hospital. At that time no promises had been made, it was the only call he had made. Upon receiving no reply to his knocking he used the spare key Sam had given to him the day he joined SG-1, a symbol of trust and friendship.

With the understanding that it was only Teal'c Sam stopped fighting him, allowing the former first prime of Apophis to help her back into her room. Seating her on the bed he rummaged in her draws until he produced a somewhat reasonable outfit, Jeans and a sweater. Placing them down beside her he left her to change, heading down to her kitchen where he was able to make a sandwich and coffee, returning to her room he found his teammate sitting quietly at the end of the bed, her tear stained eyes staring blankly out the window.

"Samantha" Teal'c tried to reach out to her but she only stared back at him. "They told you, didn't they?" It was a statement, more than a question. "Daniel Jackson and Doctor Fraiser are very worried about you." "I know they are Teal'c. But there is nothing they can do. I have to
deal with this on my own." "I disagree. In my experience this is the time when you should lean
on your friends. You are tired, you should rest now." "Thank you Teal'c" feeling remarkable better now that she was dry and fed "I'll be alright now." "I could stay if you wish." "No. I just need a little time to myself right now." "As you wish. Major Carter, remember your friends are always here to help you." "I know, thanks Teal'c. For everything, you've been a great friend."

Hearing her front door shut Sam set about packing her bags before heading for the phone. "General Hammond, sir. This is Major Carter. I'm sorry to wake you sir." "Major Carter, do you have any idea what time it is." "Ah no General I don't but I am very sorry for waking you." "Well Major its 0415 so what couldn't wait till tomorrow, you haven't been experimenting with the Naquadah reactor again have you?" "No sir," Hammond softened as he finally took in the sad tone of her voice. "What's wrong Major Carter?" Swallowing "Sir I would like to take some personal leave, affective immediately. I know I have plenty owing to me" Interrupting her "Major what's wrong?" "I would really rather not discuss it sir." "Well I'm afraid I'm going to need a bit more information from you than that Major, your one of my best officers, I take it you have not discussed this with your team!" "No sir I haven't and I would appreciate it if you didn't tell them where I am going. "Major if there is a problem you would be better off staying here and sorting it out." "I know sir and I will but for the moment I need some time to my self." Sighing he finally acquiesced " Very well major. How long do you expect to be away?"
"I'd like to take 2 weeks off sir, I realise that is a lot." "Its ok Sam, I'll sort everything out. Would you like me to contact your father. "No. Would you not tell him I'm gone either, I wouldn't want him to worry." "If that's what you want." "Thank you General, I am really sorry to have woken you, you can contact me if necessary at my brothers. Goodnight General. And thank
you again."

Hanging up Sam finished packing before getting into her car and escaping her troubles, if not for good, a thousand miles between her and him, may help to give her a little more perspective, and afford her the time to figure out what she wanted to do now.

Jack O'Neill woke in his bed trying to shake off the nightmare adding to his hangover. The last clear thing he remembered was singing Karaoke with Sam. Somehow she had talked him into it. "Damn I must have been drunk to do that." Trudging out of his bedroom he found the CD player still on and the coffee machine happily bubbling away. He would have to thank the kind soul who dropped him home later. Right now his body screamed for a shower. Taking one more sip of the strong brew he headed back down the hall to his ensuite and the endless stream of hot water that awaited him.

Daniel, Teal'c and Hammond quietly sat around the briefing table waiting for the meeting to begin, all deep in thought. Finally Jack wandered in looking fairly hungover glancing around. "Hey I'm not the last for a change, where's Carter, she's usually here first. "Yeah I was kinda wondering the same thing." "I can answer that Doctor Jackson, I received a call at 0415 from
Major Carter requesting immediate leave." "What, why." "I don't know, she wouldn't give me an answer, only that it was for personal reasons. So SG-1 will be on stand down until Major Carter's return to active duty. Colonel I'm sure that you have plenty of paperwork that you need to catch up on." Sensing the growing uneasiness in the room from all, more so from Daniel, however it was Teal'c that had him worried, as the normally stoic Jaffa seemed agitated by this revelation. "Was there anything else?" "Ah General, did Sam sound ok, I mean it's not really like her to take off in the middle of the night. I mean she could have easily come in this morning instead of waking you." Pondering this the General studied the men before him, all were concerned but Daniel and Teal'c seemed to know more surprisingly about the situation than the
Colonel. "I can only assume that she has her own reasons" "Family emergency?" Jack interrupted
"No Colonel, I inquired as to weather she would like me to contact Jacob, she declined." "Your all dismissed. With this the general existed the room."

Daniel continued to stare at Jack "What?" "What happened last night Jack" "What the hell are you talking about, Danny?" "Sam dropped you home last night." "So she's the angel who turned the coffee on for me. Damn I wanted to thank her." Receiving a nod from Teal'c that he should persue his current line of questioning, he gently continued. "Colonel O'Neill, I was with Major Carter last night." "You were what! Wait, I don't wanna know. Whatever is going on is your…"
"I left her at 0400, she was most upset." "Teal'c, I really don't…" "Jack, just shut up for a minute. Listen, Sam turned up on Janet's doorstep at about 0200." Sensing he now had Jacks undivided attention he continued scanning the room his eyes finally rested on Jack his face contorted in pain. Jack instantly got a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, his earlier fears for Sam resurfacing along with it flashes from his nightmare, her tear stained face, and calls for help. "Jack, Sam was attacked last night." Speechless Jack tried in vain to form a word, but nothing came out. "Jack you have to try to remember what happened last night, anything, you were the last person to see her." "Is she…" "She was raped." The words left a sour taste in his mouth." She made me promise not to tell anyone. Not even the General knows. Just Teal'c, Janet and I. I assumed she wouldn't mind if you knew." "Do they know who it was? I read some where the victim often knows the attacker." Jack's shock at the situation led him to revert to solider mode, the clinical, detached facts, while his mind tried desperately to process this new information.

"Um, Sam wouldn't say, but I think she knows who…. God Jack, you should have seen her. The bastard beat her up pretty bad. I'm really worried, she shouldn't be alone, not now." "Why the hell didn't anyone call me? I take it neither of you know where she is now." "Colonel O'Neill, would Major Carter have been required to notify General Hammond of her plans should an emergency arise" Teal'c, always the voice of reason. Jack spun in his chair, his mind awash with images; he had to speak to her, just see her. Ignoring his friends he hurried from the briefing room down the hall to the Generals office.

Major General George Hammond sat behind his desk waiting for the inevitable. The reaction from Daniel and Teal'c had worried him. Something was very wrong. It wasn't simply an argument, and Sam wanting to put some distance between herself and the team. It was fear that had reflected in the eyes of Daniel and Teal'c.

"Enter", Gorge was hardly surprised when his 2IC entered his office, however the expression on his normally poker face sent chills down his spine. Something was very wrong.

"Sir I need to find Major Carter." "Colonel, I'd appreciate knowing what's going on." Jack didn't know where to start, or how much he should reveal. "Sir, you received a medical report from Doctor Fraiser." "Colonel, it was vague at best. And judging from her tone last night,
I take it this isn't good. I want an explanation." "I can only give you one unofficially, off the record.' "I'll take it." "Major Carter was attacked last night." "My God." "I need to find her sir, she shouldn't be alone now. She needs us, and we need her." "She's not alone Colonel. I promised the Major I would not reveal her location, specifically to anyone on her team. However, in light of this new information, one might assume that she would seek out her family." "General, request permission to travel to Chicago." "Granted" "Thank you Sir." Saluting he turned to leave. "Oh, and Jack" "Sir" "Bring her home." "I'll try Sir." Jack arrived at air force base, wasting no time; he hired a car before heading to Mark Carter's house. They had briefly met once a year ago when his team had been hunting Seth. Daniel had revealed before he left that after Sam had left Jonas she had stayed with Mark, more than likely contributing to his extreme dislike of the air force.

Knocking Jack tried to prepare himself, but was momentarily shocked when the door opened revealing a little four year old girl with a shock of blonde curly hair and the bluest eyes smiling shyly back at him. "Lizzie, go inside." Spinning around Jack saw Mark Carter approaching from the side garden. "You must be Jack O'Neill" Jack moved to extend his hand but Mark held his gaze. "You have a hide showing up here." "I need to talk to her." "Look, I don't know what's happened. For the last four years all I've heard is Jack O'Neill. And when you all turned up, I thought maybe you're different from that prick Jonas, But No. My little sister
turns up on my doorstep at the buck crack of dawn bawling her eyes out, and hasn't said a word yet. I kinda figured you'd be involved, if not responsible." "Please Mark, I need to see her."
"Well she's not here. She's stayin' at a motel. She didn't want little Lizzie seeing her all… I take it that broken arm and the black eyes are from… a mission." Jack balked at the question, having not realised how serious her injuries were, but recovered quickly, carefully schooling his expression. "Deep space radar telemetry must be really dangerous." "Yeah." Mark watched as a myriad of emotions flashed over the face of his little sisters CO. "Look I'll take you to see her." Poking his head inside "Honey." Moment's later Emily Carter appeared. "Honey, this is Colonel Jack O'Neill. I'm going to take him over to see Samantha. Frowning at the Colonel Emily moved to her husband's side. "I left her sleeping" handing him the spare key, she kissed him before returning to the little girl clinging at the hem of her dress.

Arriving at the motel Mark let Jack in. Standing in the doorway he watched Jack move to Sam's side kneeling beside the bed where she slept restlessly. Gently, almost lovingly Mark thought, Jack ran his hand through her short hair soothingly while quietly whispering to her. Eventually calming she fell into a peaceful sleep. "I don't suppose you'd like to fill me in on what's going on." Mark whispered. Looking up, Jack had almost forgotten he had company.

Sam's eyes fluttered open, her vision blurred and body stiff. Closing her eyes till they felt better she finally opened them again happy to see her brother standing quietly in the doorway smiling back at her. A surreal calm passed over as she let her eyes drift over her surroundings.

The sudden gasp was audible to all, recoiling back Sam rolled off the bed, eyeing the door, and her assailant who was now blocking her only escape. With a fear filled face in that second Mark knew, and more importantly Jack knew. It was true. His worst fear had been confirmed. Mark moved instinctively to his sister's side instantly regretting his decision to bring Jack here. A place Sam had come for refuge, he had betrayed her. Feeling sick, he watched his sister cower behind him. No longer the proud and brave solider.

Sickened Jack headed for the bathroom, throwing up the little breakfast he had managed to keep down. When he was finally able to stand again, he couldn't bring himself to look in the mirror.

Sam sat on the edge of the bed trying to reconcile the soldier, fight till the death for his mates, the caring Jack she loved. The one who was sick at the conformation that he was responsible. With the animal, that has passed out beside her. Mark stood in the center of the room, torn between helping his sister and beating the life out of the man in the bathroom.

Sam quietly rose; receiving a questioning look from her brother she waved him off. Reaching the bathroom, she found Jack leaning against the sink, head down cast. Looking up Sam wasn't really surprised to see a mixture of hurt and self-loathing in his eyes. "Jack" Not really knowing what she wanted to say they both stood there watching each other. "Sam I" "Don't" She moved hesitantly closer to him wrapping her arms around him. Hesitating for a second his arms gently circled her tiny frame, both offering comfort as the tears began to flow down their faces,
staining the others clothes.

Mark couldn't watch anymore. Moving outside he waited on the bench near the car. Whatever was going on in there, it was plain too see that he was the proverbial third wheel.

The pair stood together for an age before they finally untangled their limbs. Staring at each other they silently made their way into the room. Sam gently lowered herself onto the end of the bed, mindful of her arm while Jack kneeled in front of her on the floor. No easy feat for him, given his rampant and often chronic bad knees. The small gesture however did not go unappreciated.

Firstly, taking her hands in his, her long slender fingers encased in his hard callused hands. Hands of a soldier, hands that could take life and yet now were so tender. Looking up into her eyes he was lost. He couldn't even begin to imagine what she had been through, the fear, hurt and betrayal and yet now she is sitting here, he saw something else, understanding. Looking down into his chocolate brown eyes, Sam could see the fear, regret and recognition in his face. She couldn't blame Jack for what happened. He was obviously concerned for her. He wouldn't have come all the way to Chicago if he didn't care she reasoned.

The Jack O'Neill she knew, the one who always tried to make her laugh, her friend, the man kneeling before her now. A man she trusted implicitly on the battle field, but she couldn't trust him now. Nobody had ever hurt her like this before. A person who she had considered to be one of her best friends, and maybe secretly wishing for something more…But now. Repentant eyes stared back at her seeking a sign.

"Sam. God I'm so sorry. You have to know that wasn't me. I could never…" "But it was you Jack. You're right it wasn't you. I know that." Cupping his face with her hands "I know it wasn't your mind or your heart. But it was your hands, chest, arms, legs, mouth… I remember it all. Every nanosecond, every sound you made, every cry." "God Sam, I'm sorry. I know you could never forgive me. I never will." "You're wrong. I have forgiven you. I just don't know if I'll ever be able to forget." "Sam. Jeez. Um. Are you alright, physically? I mean apart from the arm. I didn't hurt you, did I?" The fear returned with a vengeance. "Apart from a little bruising, I'm fine." "Mark doesn't know, does he?" "No. I didn't want him to worry. There is nothing he can do. I'm alright I just need some time on my own. "Ok." Getting to his feet "Sam about…"
""I'm not pressing charges." "Thank you" "I'm not doing it for you." Nodding Jack turned and left.

Sam's two weeks leave had come to an end all to quickly, reluctant to leave more so to return to the SGC she called the General and requested reassignment. He argued with her long and hard before finally granting her request to be an advisor to the Pentagon. Sam arranged with a none to happy Janet to have her belongings packed and her house sold.

After returning from his two weeks leave, Jack was roaming the corridors looking for one of his friends, however it was at that moment he realised. They all knew. The conversations that would cease whenever he would enter a room, and worse, the comments he overheard. In the small community news traveled fast, especially when it was about SG-1, more so the `relationship' between the two military members of the team. For an hour Jack wandered around before he made
his way reluctantly to the infirmary. In the corner of the infirmary stood Janet, Daniel and Teal'c deep in conversation, all clearly agitated. "Hey guys, What's going on?" startled, Janet subconsciously reached out for Daniel finding his arm as Teal'c turned and approached Jack. "Hi T" "Colonel O'Neill. Am I to understand that you are responsible for Major Carter's injuries and her current decision." "Ah" swallowing he glanced back over Teal'c shoulder at Daniel and
Janet both hoping it had been a mistake. Teal'c however remained inches away from him studying his face. "Yes" his affirmation was barely audible. "Whe, where is she?" "Gone." With that one word Daniel turned and left. "Janet, I" "Save it Jack" the bitterness of her words cut him deep to his soul. Turning her back on him she headed to her office locking the door behind her.
"Teal'c?" "O'Neill. On my world, I would be within my right to seek revenge for Major Carter…"
"Take it Teal'c. Do whatever you want. God knows I deserve it. She's the last person I ever wanted to hurt." Teal'c regarded his friend, torn between exacting vengeance for one friend and the obvious pain and guilt of his other. "O'Neill you do not exist to me anymore." Turning his back he left in the same direction as Daniel.

Jack spent the next five months going on as many missions as possible, anything to keep him away from his friend's icy glares, the worst coming from General Hammond. "Jack you have no right to wear that uniform, it is reserved for the few good men who are officers and gentlemen. However since Major Carter does not wish to press charges… You're too good at your job, so I won't reassign you, but I don't want to see you again. Dismissed." For his part he continued to
send Jack out at every opportunity, if only to relieve the tension that escalated whenever he was on base.

For Jack the loss of his friends and all they meant was more than he could take. However the larger hole in his heart was the space Sam filled. He never realised how big a part of his life she had become over the years. The irony of the situation didn't escape him. He wasn't as dumb as he pretended to be that was mostly so he had an excuse to listen to Sam for a little longer. The irony, the one person who could stop his pain was the one he had pushed away. Every time he tried to ask one of his friends or even Davis, Siler or Simmons for some information about Sam they would make up an excuse or just plain yell at him again.

"That's it. I can't take it anymore." Picking up the phone he began the long process of tracking her down. Two weeks later, having spent all his available time on Earth tracking Sam and now an inevitable big phone bill on its way Jack finally had an address. She was good. None of his contacts had been able to track down an address. He could have asked one of his friends, but he knew they wouldn't be very helpful, and he really didn't fancy being yelled at again. Instead he requested a week's leave that he received with very little questioning. Arriving at Andrew's, Jack wasted no time heading to Sam's apartment.

Sam was sprawled out on her couch listening to Bach, her hands resting on her now swollen belly. Joseph Baxen sat quietly in the armchair opposite her reading his newspaper. Looking up he smiled gently back at her, they had grown close since she moved to Washington. They had dated regularly but Sam couldn't quite let herself get to close to him. Telling herself it was because of what happened, and for the baby. "Joe, would you like a drink?" "Sure sweetie. You want me to get it." ""No it's ok. Juniors a bit active, I think a walk might settle him down." Carefully getting up Sam headed to the kitchen and started preparing the drinks when she heard a knocking at the door. "I'll get it" she yelled back to Joe. Opening the door Sam stood in shock, her hand moving instinctively to cover her stomach protectively. "Jack" she whispered.

Of all the things Jack had been expecting to find, this was not one of them. A mixture of hope and fear ran through him in that second as he stood face-to-face with the woman he knew without a doubt he loved. "Sam" "What, what are you doing here?" "I…. I ah." "Sam, sweetie who is it?" Before Sam could answer Joe was behind her slipping his hand around her waist. Jack could feel his throat tighten and his pulse quicken. "Colonel O'Neill. What a pleasant surprise, come to check up on Sammie?" Sam who had not been able to take her eyes off Jack all this time finally snapped out of her trance. "Colonel, Sir. Would you like to come in?" Her eyes sparkled with
anticipation yet Jack refused to meet her eyes, sure his heart would be crushed. "Ah, No." Having regained his voice "I think it would be best if I left. Ambassador. Sam. Take it easy. Oh. Good luck with… I know you always-wanted kids. I'm really happy for you. I know you were
worried… after Jolinar. Anyway I just wanted to… Ok. Bye."

With that Jack turned and left, never once looking back, he couldn't, he hurt too much. She had moved on, and with that slimy ambassador Joe. Ok. So he didn't cause her any trouble, and had lots in common, and they did seem pretty happy. This must be what everyone was hiding, but pregnant.

Sam sat in her chair mulling over Jacks words. He had come all this way to say something, and yet hadn't really said anything. That was the first time she could ever remember him doing that. Ok, so he was surprised to see me pregnant, and for a second there he actually looked happy. "Damn it I let him think it was Joe's. Maybe he has a right to know. He was a good father to Charlie. It's not junior's fault that he was conceived… the way he was.

"Sweetie, you ok." "I'm fine Joe. Maybe you should leave. I need some time to think." "Jack's the father isn't he" It was a statement more than a question. Joe had never once asked, he may have had his suspicion but he never really wanted to know. "Yes" "You should tell him. He deserves to know. Even if he's not `the one', or doesn't want to be involved, he still has a right to know. You love him Sam, you deny it, but I've seen the way your eyes light up at the mention of his name" "Joe, I'm sorry" "Forget it. You let me pretend for a while that I was important to you. I guess that's more than most get. Take care of yourself and little Jack. That is what you call the baby in your mind." Leaning forward he lightly kissed Sam on her forehead. "Good luck Sam. Hey this time trust your heart and not your head. Maybe then you'll let Jack love you." Picking up his jacket he turned "Bye Sam" and left. Sam sunk to the floor crying. She didn't know what to do now. Jack O'Neill, the love of her life and father of her unborn child had caused her more pain than any mortal or Goa'uld ever could.

"Daniel" the anger that filled Jack's voice surprised him. For the last few months Jack had been completely amicable, trying desperately to ingratiate himself back into the tiny fold of friends. "What's wrong Jack?" "Why the hell didn't anybody tell me?" Ok, so now Daniel was completely confused. He had just been mulling over how quiet the place had been without him this past week, when speak of the devil. "I'm talking about Sam. Jeez Danny" the familiar name coming easy. "Somebody could have told me." "About?" "Joe and Sam. And her being pregnant." This threw Daniel for a loop. He had spoken to Sam heaps over the last few months but she had never once mentioned Joe, and definitely not a baby. "Jack, I honestly don't know what you are talking about. Anyway, so what if she is." "Damn it Danny. Are the rest of you blind? I mean I know I can be slow. But I thought it would have been pretty obvious that I am in love with her.' "Oh that, yeah, well everyone in the SGC has known that for years. I guess that's why everyone was so pissed off at you." "When you say `everyone'" "Even the General." "Shit" "Jack, if this is what she has chosen to do with her life, there's nothing you can do" "Yes there is. I still love that woman." "What about her Jack. Doesn't she deserve to be happy?" Defeated Jack
turned with those words ringing in his ears. Needing to put some distance between himself and his feelings he went in search of the General. A mission right now would prove to be the perfect distraction.

Sam arrived at the gates of Cheyenne Mountain large as life. Surprising many of the security guards, that were doing a pretty good impersonation of a gold fish Sam, thought.

Janet was the first to spot Sam making her way slowly down the corridor to the Generals office. "Sam, my god. It's true. Daniel told me…" Moving to hug her friend she could see tears in her friends eyes. "Sam?" "Jack's the father. I couldn't tell him." "He thinks." "I know, Joe was there. I guess I let him think it." "He has a right to know.' "I know that's one of the reasons I'm back. If the General will have me." "Are you going to tell him?" "I don't see that I have much of a choice. Besides he deserves to know. Anyway if Jack wants to be a part of the baby's life… Do you think he will? God, everything is such a mess. He's gonna hate me." "Sam I think you two have a lot to talk about. Regardless of what happens between you two, he's a good dad. I'm sure he'll want to be a part of your child's life." "Well I didn't just come back for him. I was miserable in Washington. It just wasn't the same as here. I missed my work, going on missions. But I missed you guys the most. I couldn't imagine raising my child without Uncle Daniel, Uncle Teal'c and his Aunt Janet in his life. I'm sorry Janet. I really wanted to tell you guys, I should have told all of you from the beginning" "Your back now. So you think it's a boy." "I don't know for sure, but it think so." Smiling they both continued on in silence as they neared the General's office. Janet not quite able to take her eyes off Sam's glowing face, She doubted she'd be the only one to notice too. To say the General was surprised to see Sam was an understatement. More so to see her pregnant. "Major Carter. I ahh… It's nice to see you again." "Thank you it's good to se you again General."  "Your fathers missed you." "Yeah." The general watched as Sam struggled to find the words. "Sam, what can I do for you?" Sam could see the tenderness in the older man's face, a look her own father had often worn. "Sir. I would like to come back to work. I realise my decision was rash last time. And I promise you I won't make that mistake again." Smiling. "Sam we'd love to have you back. The place hasn't been the same without you. Aside from the reduction in scientific advancements, SG-1 has been practically intolerable. That, and we've all missed you." "Thank you General.' "Would I be correct to assume that the father is…" "Colonel O'Neill, Yes sir." "Ahh" "He doesn't know yet sir."

"Sam, I'm sure you are aware of our fraternization regulations." "Yes sir. Sir. At the moment I'm not even sure if he wants to be a part of my child's life. The decision is up to him. I haven't come back because of Colonel O'Neill. I missed my work, friends, and I wanted him to know his Grandfather." "I had to practically restrain Jacob when he found out you were gone"
"I'm sorry General. You all deserved better than that. You didn't tell him…" "No, thought I'm sure he knows you left because of Jack. He'd probably kill him if her knew the real reason. I don't think even Selmac could stop him. I know Teal'c and Daniel had to be restrained on several occasions. If I had my way I would have thrown him in the brig myself." Grimacing at the reality, she finally asked the question which had been at the back of her mind since she arrived in Colorado Springs, actually since she had left. "General, where is Jack?" He knew this was coming. Well suspected it, after the Colonel arrived two days ago requesting a mission when he was supposed to be on leave. However it was the fact that he was so eager to go on SG-7's mission. A mineral survey that rang alarm bells. He never dreamed it would be this big.
"I'm sorry Sam, he's on a mission now." "Oh." "He was quite… agitated when he returned, I thought it best for everyone to let him go." Smiling Sam could imagine what a monster he had been, probably throwing one of his famous Jack O'Neill tantrums, raging at anyone who would listen until he took a time out. Or a mission where he could think and take his anger out on some defenseless rocks instead of his friends. "What are your plans now Major?" "I was hoping to stay here until I find an apartment." "Well, if you need anything let me know."

Sam had just finished settling into her new apartment. The move made easy with the help of her friends all insisting she not lift anything. The small group of friends sat around Sam's small table sipping their respective drinks, offering up the latest bit of gossip that Sam had missed while, each feeling slightly disappointed that Sam had not confided something so important with them, They were more than friends, they were family. Sam could feel the tension building in the room. Beneath her friends smiling façade she saw them glance down at her belly and knew they
were upset. They had no right to be, but they were. "Guys you wanna know why I didn't tell you right." Silence followed, confirming Sam's suspicions. Finally, after a restless silence Daniel spoke up. "Sam, its ok" "No. You're right. I should have called. I wanted to. I was just…" "Sam. You know you can tell us. Where your friends, we all love you here." "Thanks Daniel. That means a lot to me" Daniel moved around to hug Sam as the first tears started to fall. "Everything is going to get better now Sam. I promise." He sincerely hoped he would be able to keep that promise. Frantically scrubbing away the tears with her fists Sam tried to compose herself "I…I need your word. What I am going to tell you never leaves this room. It's not mentioned ever again and not to anyone else." All immediately understanding Sam meant Jack. Glancing around the table she received three solemn nods. "The reason I never mentioned anything is for a while all I could think of was this child, and I was actually contemplating not having this angel." The shocked expressions of her friends didn't really surprise her.

"Nobody knew" Sam continued, "and given the nature of his conception. Then one afternoon I was in the park and I saw two ladies sitting together. One looked like she was about nine months and the other was rocking a newborn in her arms. I couldn't, it wasn't his fault. He deserved a chance, and I guess so do I. I finally started to look at this baby as a person instead of a problem, and I realised what a miracle he is… after Jolinar." The tears kept falling as Sam gently ran her hand over her distended belly.

"I was never sure if I would be able to have kids. Plus can you imagine, a Jack junior running around the place." Staining out a smile, Sam found herself reverting to the safety of sarcasm, a barrier she had learnt to use from Jack who was able to always hide his pain behind a think wall of carefully constructed defenses and sarcasm. Daniel wouldn't let her get away with that.
"Sam, you should have told us." "I know, I guess I was ashamed Daniel, for even thinking it, I didn't want any of you to hate me for thinking about it. I know that was wrong, none of you would have." Sam's hand stilled protectively over her stomach. "I guess that's why I came back. I was hoping you guys might be able to give a single mum a hand." "Hey, if course, were all in, right, anything Uncle Danny can do name it" "Absolutely, same for me, anything you or the little guy need, just ask Aunty Janet" Both flashed matching grins at the new names they had just appropriated for themselves. "I too offer my support, Major Carter. If I may offer my assistance to either yourself or child, you need only ask, Uncle Teal'c" The entire group broke into laughter, as Teal'c joined in on the joke, his face even breaking into smile. "Thank you Teal'c, All of you. That means a lot to me." Sam stated having calmed herself. "Major Carter. I do not believe you will be on your own. When Colonel O'Neill learns of his child, I believe he will be most supportive." "I hope so."

Sam sat working in her lab two days later, having changed into a fresh set of loose fitting BDU's, so involved in the latest piece of technology that SG-7 had brought back she didn't notice the two sets of eyes glued to her. Both had been briefed when they arrived and now stood in awe. "Sam, sweetheart." Jumping at the familiar voice Sam spun in her seat and was in her father's arms in seconds nestling her head on his shoulder. "My god, look at you. You're glowing. I've never been so proud." "I love you dad, I've missed you." "I love you too sweetie."

Jack stood shifting uncomfortably outside, wanting nothing more than to run away. Not to look at her. How could she be so cruel to come back. He remained at the door only from orders of General Hammond that he accompany General Carter. Jacob however had been briefed on the plan thought up by Daniel, Janet and Teal'c. And initiated by General Hammond. "May I?" receiving a nod Jacob gently placed his hand on Sam's swollen stomach. She watched as her CO shifted uncomfortably in the doorway. Glancing down at what he was fidgeting with, he always did that.
"Sir, what happened to your hand?" "What oh, that. Had a slight argument with a rock. Turned out to be some important artifact, the scientists all got really upset, started prattling on about its cultural significance, same ol'e"

Jacob didn't like the casual tone of the conversation and decided to force the issue, going against the advice from his friend to tread carefully. "Sam sweetie, for your sake, I hope he's not like his dad." Both Jack and Sam visibly jerked, surprise in one, hurt in the other. "I mean can you imagine, the both of them with that weird sense of humor that only they seem to find funny. Different strokes."

Sam immediately knew what her father was up to. This was not how she planned to tell Jack he was going to be a father again. Reluctantly she drew away from her father and turned to face Jack. The hurt was gone, replaced by a longing; a begging almost that it was true. Silently Sam nodded her head. Her father discretely exiting, allowing them some much needed privacy. Jack moved slowly into the room "Sam?" "I should have explained in Washington. I was afraid if you knew the truth… anyway. That was unfair. I'm sorry. You had a right to know. If you want a relationship with your son, that's entirely up to you. I would never deny you access. I know you would be a good father…" "Son…" Jack was speechless as he tried to process all she had
revealed. He had thought it was Joe's. And now he was about to become a father again. "You can take as long as you want to think about it. There is still another couple of months. I've spoken to General Hammond and he has reassigned me to the SGC but I'll be restricted to the base till little Jack's born and then we'll reassess the situation. Probably just day missions." Still nothing came from him. "Jack, I've made some mistakes and hurt my friends. I've also had to postpone my career. Maybe indefinitely, but that's ok. I'm looking forward to
being a mum. Your welcome to be apart of his life, just not mine." "Joe?" "No. I don't love Joe. I love…. We've hurt each other too much over the years. Said and done too many hurtful things. I can't do that anymore. I'm sorry." "No. I want more. I want you." "Jack." "No. It's your turn to listen. This is a lot for one person to take in." Moving closer "Sam I love you." The words seemed to hand in the air. "That's not fair." "I know. Listen. I came to Washington to tell you that I love you Sam. I love everything about you, your mind, that smile and the way
you laugh at my jokes and the way you make me feel like a bumbling teenager when I'm near you. When I saw you in Washington with Joe. I was afraid and I ran. There wasn't a day or a minute that went by that I didn't think about you and what you must have been going through. And while part of it was guilt… I know the other was because I love you. There wasn't a morning I woke up and hated what I saw in the mirror. That my body had betrayed my heart and head and hurt the one person I loved. Now I know things aren't going to be easy But, do you think that maybe we could give it a try."

"Jack. My mum once said to me "Be careful of what you wish for. You might get it." Well you know, I wished for you and now… I just don't know. I do love you… but… some wounds don't heal"
"Sammie, God I am so sorry. I'm sorry that I did this to both of us. Tell me what I can do to fix things." "Jack, please" "No Sam. I love you. And I want to raise this child with you."
"It's not that easy." "I know it's not going to be easy and that this is something I should have said a long time ago. You love me, and I love you." Sam stared at the man before her, exposing himself to her, his heart on his sleeve. "Jack, I'm sorry." Her heart broke both for him and herself. "You're right… I do love you… but…" ringing her hands she couldn't meet his
eyes. "I'm not in love with you. I was for a long time, and maybe again someday. But not now. Right now I need you to be my baby's father, not my lover." "Sam" "Jack, this is the way it has to be. I can't handle anymore now." Turning her back on him she tried to focus on the computer screen willing the tears to stay away until he left.

Jack stood for a moment watching her work, his heart physically in pain. Moving behind her he slipped his hand around her waist bringing it around to rest on her stomach. Sam jumped at the sudden contact before relaxing. Leaning back against his chest. Her hands coming to rest on his. Leaning forward his lips gently brushed passed here ear his warm breath sending a shiver coursing through her. "Sam" he whispered. "I still love you. And I'll be waiting right here for you, cause I know you love me too." Placing a soft kiss on the back of her long neck, he missed the shy smile that spread across her face. "I'll be here Sam. Always."
 

What! I couldn't have a sad ending it is an SJ fic and I can only take so much angst. Pleae send Feedback. Pretty Please. ;->

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