TITLE: A place called home

AUTHOR: Sharim

EMAIL: MissSharim@yahoo.com

STATUS: Completed

CATEGORY: AU, Drama, Angst, Romance

PAIRINGS: S/J, others.

SPOILERS: Everything up to and including Season 3

SEASON: Well... everything and up to including Season 3

SEQUEL/CHAPTERS: There are 7 parts to this, not including the disclaimer. Each part has five sub parts... so yeah. It's LONG. You have been warned.

RATING: PG - 13... just to be safe.

CONTENT WARNINGS: Heavy duty angst... Um... dunno really.

SUMMARY: It's long. He. No... A few members of SG-1 get stuck on the planet where they discovered Ernest, an alternate reality story. This deals with their survival and what happens.

YEAR COMPLETED: Started on 30/10/2001. Finished on 11/01/2002 (happy new year!!)

SIZE: 70KB

ARCHIVE: S/J yes please! Heliopolis (if I get around to putting it on there), my site (which should *hopefully* be online soon, and here's some shameless self promotion, the addy is
http://sharimsuds.topcities.com)

DISCLAIMER: The usual. I don't own any of the stargate sg-1 characters. I do, however, own the story line - well, most of it anyway -, the original and very groovy characters that *I* invented. Unfortunately the only thing I get out of this story is self satisfaction. No money, no nothing. sigh. The usual disclaimer thingos.. I mean, we all konw the drill anyway.

AUTHORS NOTE: Long story = Long Authors note. You have been warned.

Uh... a novel we were forced to read in english C called Remembering Babylon actually inspired me, sort of, to write this. The novel itself isn't so great plot wise (I'm hoping this fic has a good plot!!) and the only thing that really got me to absolutely love (yes suds, *love*) the book was the way in which it was written. I've tried to make this realisitic and me, being me, hates corny/cliched parts so if there are any corny/cliched bits in there *please* let me know and next time I'll endeavor to do better. He.

Now I'm off to start work on another long fic that's been bugging me for a while but I promised suds I wouldn't start *another* fic until I finished this one.

So... 'tot siens' as we say in Afrikaans and enjoy!!

DEDICATIONS: Firstly... big thanks to... (sorry if I miss anyone) Suds, Jo, Joanna, Joey, Arnise, Tigermoth, Uly for all being such wonderfully patient, encouraging and very *useful/knowledgable* beta's!!

Also to Lena for being such a lovely person. Hope M-I-L is doing okay!!

And this one is going to be for... gee damn, *ME*. I worked so hard and so long on this... i'm just getting teary! *sniff*
 

A place called Home by Sharim

~One~

~*~

Cold. Wet. So, so cold. Ribs, painful. Arm. Fire shooting up arm. Cold. Oh...want to moan, want to scream...so cold. So sore. Arm. On fire. Wet. Cold. Help.

Voices. Soft. So soft. So far away. Help me. Please. Help me. Cold. So cold. So wet. Nose. Itchy nose. Want to scratch nose. Can't. Cold. Jagged stone digging into cheek. Fire burning up arm. Cold fire. Drowning. Cold. Help. Please help. It hurts. Why aren't you listening? It hurts. Help me. Please, help me. So cold.

~*~

"TEAL'C!"

"I am here, O'Neill." I see his lips move, the words lost to me as the noise resonates around the room again. Noise. So much noise, I'm scared my head is going to split open. My body pulses with the movement, I've long since been able to tell where the rocking floor begins and my shaking legs end. All that seems to exist is the noise.

No. That's not true. My team. My team is here.

"TEAL'C!" I scream again, he lurches towards me, his normally graceful bulk stumbling towards me drunkenly. The debris showers down on us, a grimy coating of scratching dirt and rocks sticking to our rain slicked bodies.

He reaches me, and we clutch at each other for balance. His tree-trunk-like fingers dig into my arm, nearly cutting off the blood circulation. I don't complain as my cold, numb fingers wrap
themselves in the tatters that were once the jacket he wore so proudly.

"The others." He shouts in my ear, his voice blending in with that horrific noise, the creaking and cracking as the world around us sways and moans its complaint.

The others. Where are they? The world is darkening so rapidly...the noise is suffocating everything else; I'm drowning in it. Daniel, where's Daniel? Oh! Daniel went home!

"Daniel's okay!" I yell back, relief bringing a momentary release from the noise. But the elation at Daniel's safety is short lived. Daniel made it back. No one else did. Not unless Carter...

"Dr. Langford!" Teal'c announces, darting forwards and staggering drunkenly towards a battered figure stumbling towards us. Catherine. Her eyes are wild with fear, panicking. She's screaming something, I can see her lips move but the only sound that I can hear is the noise around me. The thunder claps again and the world shakes mightily in protest. A war. A war between the heavens and the earth. I sure as hell hope the earth wins this one.

"Ernest!" I can hear her now, as I hold her close to me, steadying her and offering comfort. Ernest. A pang runs through me. Please. No. Please let him be okay, don't do this to her. She's only just found him for crying out loud!

The rain is still falling, hitting us like small stones being hurled by spiteful children. My cheeks are stinging and my vision is blurred. My eyes are tearing because of the burning droplets of water, but it's not over yet.

Another clap of thunder rocks around the room, the lightning illuminating it so that I just have time to catch a sight of something that causes my heart to stop beating for a second. Catherine must feel the shock coursing through me, I jerk as though I just touched a live wire. The Stargate. It's lying flat on the earth.

She pulls out of my hold, but I don't let go. The building shakes again and a rough push from Teal'c throws us out of harm's way as another wall and section of roofing crashes to the ground. Oh. Could this night get any worse?

Of course it can. Dumb question. Remind me never, *never* to ask another question like that because the answer to them is always yes.

"Teal'c!" I yank on his arm. My team isn't safe yet. I don't know where Carter is. Or Ernest. He's not stupid, he knows what I'm about to do, and he doesn't insult my judgement or authority by arguing. Instead, he takes hold of Catherine and leads her out of the room as quickly as possible.

"CARTER!" My voice bounces around the room. I realise with surprise that the noise is fading, the rumbling isn't so loud anymore and I can actually tell where my feet start and where the floor ends.

Now that the noise is going, my other senses start to function again. I can smell the air, dusty despite the gallons of water bucketing down over me every second. I taste the coating of dust and grime in my mouth, feel it clogging my nostrils and chafing against me where it has gotten under my uniform, rubbing my skin raw. Water rivulets down my face, gushing into my eyes and matting my hair to my face.

"CARTER!" Another flash of lightning. A glint of something pale, something gold. Her hair maybe? Another rumble and the floor bucks. OH...Oh no. Things can definitely get worse. Oh damn. This is not good. This is *so* not good. Where's Teal'c when I need him? Oh, oh right. I sent him out with Catherine...damn.

Movement. I jump as another part of the roof comes crashing to the ground, missing me by centimetres. Small chips break off and fly away, stinging my cheeks and neck nearly as badly as the rain. I look up as I struggle to my feet, tearing what remains of my jacket as I yank it out from beneath the large boulder.

Something touches me on the back, a tentative touch. Carter! I spin around as quickly as possible, losing my footing on the unstable ground and crashing to the ground again, sharp rocks and jagged edges digging into my back. I look up at the shape of Ernest as he bends over me, his innocently naive silhouette peering down at me. Not Carter. Damn it, where is she?

"Ernest..." The words stick in my throat as my tongue discovers resistance against the dirt-clogged roof of my mouth. It feels disgusting, big and coarse in my strangely dry mouth.

Another jagged burst of lightning, and then I see it.

"CARTER!" I ignore Ernest, he's okay as far as I can tell. Carter  isn't. Oh, SHIT!

"O'NEILL!" Never have I been so glad to hear Teal'c's voice speaking  in my ear.

"Ernest!" I grab hold of him, studying his dim form in the darkness. Why does it have to be so dark? "Go to Catherine, okay? Go to Catherine!" He's a like a dog. A quick, affirmative nod of the head much like an eager wag of the tail, and he disappears over the rubble, swallowed by the darkness.

"Captain Carter?" Teal'c asks me.

"Here." I trip over another rock and half land on top of her. She's conscious, barely. "Help me get it off her!" I panic. Why am I so panicked? Because, Jack you doofus, this place is going to go any second!

"We will not succeed, O'Neill." Ever the optimist.

"Quit being so damn excited and help me lift!" My hands, arms, legs, back; my everything strains against the weight, my numb, lifeless fingers scrabbling and straining with every bit of strength in their possession to hold onto the gate and lift it. With an uncontrolled, desperate scratching they slip off the cool metal of the Stargate. I try again, ripping my nails off against the smooth surface, vehemently searching for a hold. Once again they slip, leaving her arm pinned beneath the large metal ring.

"You are not succeeding." Teal'c *helpfully* points out, and I realise with sudden relief that just as quickly as the storm came, it's leaving. The world is now eerily silent and dark, but the darkness is also fading, leaving a drab, murky grey light starting to filter in through the now gaping hole where the roof once was.

Another shift beneath our feet, and I clutch fearfully at Carter. I will *NOT* lose a member of my team. Come hell or highwater, Carter will *NOT* be pulled out of my grip. Which, come to think of it, might have just arrived. Okay...so right there. Focus Jack, that's right, *focus*.

"O'Neill, we do not have much time." Teal'c states urgently, his eyes focused unwaveringly on mine.

"So you noticed too, huh?" I grunt, pulling myself to a sitting position next to Carter. How do we do this? How do we get her unpinned without chopping her arm off?

Another rumble and again the world seems to tilt awkwardly. It does tilt and the gate shifts as well, ever so slightly. "It's sliding!" I realise, hope fighting within me. "Quick! Push it this way!" I trip over the gate, walking inside it's diametre as I scramble to the correct side.

Teal'c realises what I want to do, and makes his way over to me as well. "Will this not damage her arm further?" He asks quietly before placing his hands over the gate. The world is rapidly lightening, the greyness turning to opaqueness. It looks eerie, with large boulders
barely visible in the dusty clouds of mist gathered over us.

"It's either damage her arm or lose her entirely!" I point out, leaning heavily onto my hands. "I'm sure she'll understand." Catching my breath I ready myself. "One, two, three!" I push forwards, throwing my weight against the gate. Teal'c follows suit, but nothing happens.

"O'Neill, I do believe..."

The world rocks again, a sickening groan and a sound not unlike a stone being dropped from a height and cracking in half splits the air. Not good. Really not good.

I fall forwards suddenly as the gate takes off, sliding slowly at first but gathering speed as the world tips even more to one side.

"COLONEL!" Her scream cuts through the air, agony lacing the frantic cry. Her eyes are wide saucers as they meet mine, her good arm scrabbling for a hold in the rubble as she too, like the gate, begins to roll away from us.

The gate disappears through a hole where the wall used to be, Carter rapidly following suit. Her eyes never leave mine as her body bumps and grates against the small stones and not so small boulders travelling with her.

Teal'c is there, I realise suddenly, tripping and falling but rapidly closing the distance between himself and Carter. Just when I think it's too late he grabs a hold of the upper part of her broken arm and yanks her to a stop.

Then his feet give way.

I watch with a feeling of dread as the giant man crashes to the ground and Carter's eyes lose contact with mine. I close my eyes. Too late. I've lost them.

I prise my eyes open. I can't  watch. I can't not watch though. In a last ditch effort Carter reaches out and snags hold of a large rock. She slows their descent just enough for Teal'c to grab a hold of another boulder, and they crash to a stop. I can see her already colourless cheeks change to a sickening grey colour as she looks back up at me, her eyes glazed with pain...and then they close.

Teal'c somehow manages to pull himself to his feet, and all I can do is stand and watch as he awkwardly picks her up, struggling to maintain his balance on the uneven, rickety ground.

He moves towards me so slowly he nearly doesn't make it. He stumbles often over the stones, and as he comes closer I suspect his leg must be broken because he can barely walk on it. The ground lurches again, and he throws Carter forwards. She lands near me, and I grab a hold of the remains of her vest. Dragging her towards me I catch a sight of Teal'c still clutching hold of a boulder. The world is slowly tilting, he can't hold on much longer.

Snagging Carter's limp form against a jutting boulder, I lean over the edge and reach out a hand towards Teal'c. He reaches up slowly and grasps my hand, his fingers ice cold against mine. Slowly we struggle backwards, his feet searching for and finding the bare minimum of contact needed to push him upwards and over the edge to relative safety.

"Let's go!" I grunt, not giving him time to recuperate as he flops over the edge of the jutting land. Grabbing Carter and throwing her gracelessly over my shoulder, I take off, only sparing a quick glance to see Teal'c following me, a hobbling, uneven gait as he stumbles over the ground that's once again bucking and twisting in some demented rhythm that only it can hear. But we made. By the skins of our teeth, by the bone in Teal'c's shin and by the cotton shreds of Carter's vest, we made it.

~Two~

~*~

All I can do is sit here and whimper, watching as Jack efficiently takes control and puts a sense of purpose into our being here.

"Ernest, we need to find somewhere to shelter." I watch him silently as he talks to this strange, eccentric man that I knew so long ago. Ernest. What has happened to you, my dearest Ernest? I barely recognise you from the young, adventurous man I fell in love with.

"Caves." Ernest looks up, and I see the spark in his eyes as he looks up at Jack. There's admiration in the depths of those watery pupils that have aged over time. Jack is the man that Ernest never had the chance to be, and I feel envious for Ernest's sake.

"Where are they?" Jack is remarkably patient. I think it must be why he's so good with children. Oh, the man can be impatient, arrogant and domineering as hell, but the kids aren't fooled for one minute by that tough exterior. And Ernest is responding just like the children that Jack loves so much.

"On the beach." Ernest frowns slightly. "Catherine and I explored them. We found a lovely one that would have made a beautiful house..." He trails off, blinking in confusion but bearing a half contented smile.

"But?" Jack picks up on the pause.

"Catherine thought it would be better for us to stay in the castle. She liked pretending she was a princess and that one day someone would come and rescue us. You came to rescue me, didn't you Jack?" My eyes sting with tears as I watch the emotions and theories run across Ernest's face. He loves me. After all this time, he still loves me. To him, I have remained an unchanged constant. He doesn't seem to accept or believe that I was never really here with him. What's going to happen to us now?

"Ernest, I need you to show me where those caves are, okay?" Jack settles back on his haunches, his eyes never leaving Ernest's. The more I see and get to know Jack O'Neill, the more I like the man. I disliked him at first, just another military colonel who thought he controlled the world and that he was right all the time. He's changed, and I've gotten to see him more clearly over time. His team's helped with that, I think. Dr. Jackson, Captain Carter and Teal'c. Who would have guessed Jack O'Neill would be serving with such a bunch of misfits?

"I'll show you the beach. And I'll show you the caves." Ernest nods, appearing surprisingly lucid and calm considering the statements he'd been making a few minutes earlier.

"Okay. Catherine, I'm going to have to ask you and Ernest to help Teal'c."

"What about Captain Carter?" My voice is still wobbly and it's been at least an hour since it happened. Since we became trapped on this world. I now have the slightest comprehension of how Ernest felt when he realised he had no way to get home. No one knew where he was; no one even acknowledged what had happened to him. At least some people knew where we were, even if we didn't stand a chance of being rescued.

"Carter'll be fine, Catherine. I'll carry her down myself." Jack is back in control again. No worry, no anxiety, no hopelessness shows in his eyes. Instead I only see the grim determination that we will survive this, that he won't let one of us die on this world unless he can help it. The facts about Captain Carter's rescue that I managed to wrangle out of Teal'c just point that out to me. Jack, Captain Carter, Teal'c and Daniel. They're all each other have and they won't let anything happen to their team-mates. The fact that she is lying on the ground next to me, her head resting in my lap is testimony to this fact.

"What about her arm?" I ask, my eyes darting involuntarily towards the mangled limb. It's broken, though smashed or crushed would probably be a better word for it. The skin has been torn off in places, grazed in others, and the small patches where it's still intact have been stained the deep red colour of her blood. Even if we do somehow manage to save her arm, she probably won't be able to use it much. Thank goodness it's her left arm and not her right arm.

I see the fear and concern for Captain Carter slip across his face for an instant before his resolve wins the argument again.

"We'll have to do the best we can. All our medical supplies were in our packs which..."

"Are in the castle." Teal'c inserts as Jack fades away, realisation dawning on his face.

"Has there been any movement?" He asks, studying me intently. Movement? Captain Carter or...? "The castle, Catherine. Has anything else given way in the last five or so minutes?" He repeats the question more clearly.

"Uh...no...I don't think so. Jack, you are *not* going to go..."

"I'm in command of this mission, Catherine." Jack states it quietly, his eyes daring me to challenge. I open my mouth, ready to respond to his challenge, but he cuts me off smoothly. "It's my responsibility to do everything in my power to ensure my team is well looked after and safe."

"That doesn't mean risking your own life!" I point out, knowing with a sinking feeling in my gut that it is exactly what his responsibility and his course of action is.

"If something goes wrong I want you to go to the caves and find shelter. Set up a way to get food and supplies...who knows how long we'll be stuck here for." Jack stands up, stretching out the kinks in his stiff legs and back.

Ernest also stands up and half follows Jack along the overgrown, narrow track leading back to the castle.

"Ernest." Jack sighs, stopping and watching him.

"I can find food." Ernest offers. "Catherine and I know where the best things are..." He offers, frowning slightly in confusion. He turns and looks at me properly. "Don't we, Catherine?" He asks hesitantly.

"I'm sure you do, Ernest." I can't help smiling slightly and watching as his own grubby face lights up in response.

"Yes. I do." Ernest nods and turns back to Jack. "Do you want me to find some food, Jack?"

"Don't stray too far." Jack grants Ernest his request. I don't say anything as Jack offers a halfhearted wave before turning and striding back along the path.

I'm not stupid Jack. Do you think I don't notice the tatters your clothes are in? The amount of blood that is staining your skin and clothes? The way you can barely bend your back?

I sigh and glance over at Teal'c who is busy watching me blankly, though his eyes betray the deep concern he also feels for Jack. "How's your leg?" I ask him, pointing at the injured limb which Jack insisted he rest on a rock.

"It is healing." He replies, not really answering the question. Jack was right, it must have been broken. Seeing my look, Teal'c continues. "It should be healed within a few days."

"That's lucky, isn't it." I sigh and look back down at Captain Carter's arm. How on earth are we going to make it?

~*~

She has seen his determination, and she believes in his determination. She simply does not believe his determination will succeed. I, however, do believe that O'Neill's determination will be enough for everyone to survive.

I am concerned for my friend. He was also severely injured, yet his pride and sense of duty will not let him be taken care of until the remainder of his team has been seen too.

Captain Carter is severely injured. Dr. Langford does not believe in O'Neill's determination the way he needs her too. Ernest is...Ernest has remained by himself on this planet in isolation for too many years. I am afraid that his mind has been affected. It would appear that so is Dr. Langford.

A rumbling in the distance and the slight movement of the earth beneath us brings to light my fears. O'Neill is in very grave danger, and there is nothing I can do for him. I can only hope that he is successful in his attempt to locate our packs, yet I do not believe he will find anything of value.

A movement in the bushes alerts me. Subtly I ready the side arm O'Neill and General Hammond insist I carry with me all times. Dr. Langford watches me, fear in her eyes as I raise the weapon. Ernest. It is Ernest returning from his foraging exercise. In his hands he bears a great many fruits and berries. It seems we have visited this planet during the fertile time of the seasons.

"Medicine." Ernest tells me, offering large leaf-like plants towards me.

"I have no need for medicine. I am a Jaffa. I carry a Symbiote that heals me and prevents illness from affecting me. Medicine is of no use for a broken limb."

"Captain Carter does." He insists, stepping closer towards me. I can read the fear in his eyes, he is ready to flee because he is scared of me. He is scared of most people, I realise, especially of Dr. Langford.

"How can that leaf help the Captain?" Dr. Langford asks, her voice gentle as though speaking to a child. I can not help but wonder what it must be like to suddenly find the one you have loved all your life and his mind has been affected as Ernest's has.

"It helps." Ernest narrows his eyes, searching the ground around the small fire O'Neill had managed to build with the wet kindling before he left. Spying a large stone, Ernest pushes it towards the fire. He carefully places the leaves on the stone and then uses another stone
to grind the leaves to a stringy paste. He scratches the paste onto one remaining leaf with his bent, twisted fingers and offers it out warily to Dr. Langford.

"What do I do with it?"

"I believe it is a poultice, Dr. Langford." I inform her, the strong scent of the crushed leaves working it's way through my body. "It is a very powerful drug." The scent warms me, much like a salve that Captain Carter once gave to Daniel Jackson for a bad cough he had.

"It's like Vicks." Dr. Langford gasps, pulling the leaf away from her nose after inhaling the scent.

"It makes the wounds better." Ernest says, pointing towards Captain Carter's arm.

"Thank you, Ernest." Dr. Langford smiles at him again, but I can see the sorrow in her eyes as she looks upon the misshapen and knobbly man that she knew as a youth.

"It's okay, Catherine. You showed it to me first." Hearing Ernest speak things like that is disconcerting for both Dr. Langford and I. I hope O'Neill returns soon, he is the only one that Ernest now seems to feel comfortable around.

~*~

Catherine. I love you Catherine, and you know that. You told me when we were walking along the beach and we found that shell that matched your eyes. I love you Catherine.

Looking across the small flames at the old woman applying the leaf poultice to the younger woman, I feel fear and horror bubble up inside me. A stately woman, I would describe her as. Never Catherine. Catherine is young and vibrant and so excitable one finds it hard to concentrate when she is near, spurting her imaginative, if not slightly far-fetched, ideas. How can this woman with the same expressive brown eyes be the young girl that's kept me company for so long?

It seems so real, the memories, the jokes, the stories, the confessions...but I *know* they're not real. They are confusing.

Catherine. Are we going home, Catherine?

No, Ernest, sweetheart. Not yet. We have to wait a bit longer. But look, we've got company now. Make sure you show them the best spot for drinking water. It wouldn't be polite for our guests to not have the best our garden has to offer.

"Of course, Catherine."

The old woman looks up at me, startled, concern lining her brown eyes. Catherine's eyes. This can't be Catherine. Catherine is young, she is laughing. This woman is old and there is sadness in her eyes.

~*~

Hurts. Still so cold. Hurts so badly. Colonel. Where's the Colonel? It hurts. I'm sorry, Colonel. Teal'c...Daniel? Someone help me, it hurts. Janet? I'm cold. It hurts. Buzzing noise in my head. Hurts. Agony. Fire starts again, gathering warmth as the ice drips over me. Cold. Hot. Noises. People. Cold. Hurt. Darkness coming. Daddy.

~*~

I feel like I'm a cadet going for my first run carrying my first pack. At least I've got them. Two packs. Daniel's and Carter's. Why I have Daniel's pack I can only imagine, he probably mistook Teal'c's for his own. Again. I'm surprised Teal'c doesn't get annoyed at him for doing it so often.

Daniel's pack is digging into my back. It's heavier than Carter's, so I figured it would be easier to carry hers in my arms. Another painful dig into my aching back as I dodge a fallen log, and I begin to wonder just *what* exactly Danny boy has in his pack.

Deciding that I've been feeling sorry enough for myself, I force my attention to study my surroundings. A good officer always knows his position and all the possible tactical advantages. As my surroundings now stand, one falling down castle behind me, one delapidated little camp ahead. On the left would you please note the *wonderful* leafy green foliage. Yes, we call those trees. Oh, hey, look, there's some more on the right! Wonderful. I was beginning to think that trees were something unique in the universe, a rarity. Thank goodness I'm wrong.

The whiff of woodsmoke catches my attention, and I allow my attention to drift from the current muddy, slippery track beneath my feet to the small makeshift camp and it's contents up ahead. Water continues to drip off the large, waxy leaves and finds a way down the back of my neck, not really worsening my already saturated condition, just annoying me even further.

"Jack!" Catherine sounds so grateful, I haven't heard many people sound that happy to see me in a long time.

"It's me." I smile at her as I step into the small clearing. A poultice of some sort has been applied to Carter's arm. Sweet. "I got two packs."

"That's wonderful!" Catherine's hand is stroking Carter's hair. I can see her weathered hands shaking slightly, and her eyes continually dart nervously towards where Ernest is poking with a stick in the fire. I'm guessing things aren't happy families between the two of them.

"I strongly suggest you use the medical kits contained within the packs to tend your wounds, O'Neill." Teal'c says softly from his position. The pain on the Jaffa's face seems to be lessening, but then again it's always hard to tell with the big guy. He has this habit of not revealing things until they hurt. *Really* hurt.

"Will do, Teal'c. Catherine, if I could get you to give me a hand..." This isn't going to be pretty, and I'm pretty sure Carter's not going to be too impressed when she realises that I had to help clean and patch her up. She does, despite her denials and statements, have a very feministic pride and I know she's a very modest, shy sort of person when it comes to revealing aspects of her anatomy. But it has to be done. I want Carter to survive, pretty much intact, and I know she won't be *too* upset, just a little embarrassed maybe. At least, I *hope* so.

I swear, getting stranded on alien planets light years away from home and having to undress your female 2IC to keep her alive was *NEVER* in the job description.

~Three~

~*~

The weather has, over the last three days we have been on this planet, remained very pleasing. The warmth of the sun and the lack of wind has encouraged my symbiote greatly to heal my fractured limb.

Captain Carter, however, still remains in a state of unconsciousness. Dr. Langford, O'Neill and I have all taken it in turns to watch over her, dress her wounds and give her water to drink when she requires it. I am gravely concerned about my friend's condition. She weakens daily, and the fever ravages her body. Due to Ernest's medicine, however, Captain Carter's arm wounds seem to remain uninfected and healing remarkably quickly. O'Neill and Dr. Langford have both
applied the poultice to their own abrasions and both are healing very well. O'Neill believes there is still a chance that Captain Carter will retain the use of her arm.

My leg now feels strong and does not ache as much as it once did. I am currently venturing along the sands of the beach. In the distance the castle remains, a broken skeleton still desperately clutching at the sky. The castle has seen many, many seasons. Its walls have, however, failed the test of time. I believe that the Goa'uld will also, like the walls of the castle, fail the tests of time because these with me, the Tau'ri, grow strong and challenge them. While we are alive and living on this planet I will continue to hope and wait for deliverance from this planet so that I may continue my quest for the freedom of my people.

~*~

It's my turn to sit with Captain Carter. I've sent Jack to get some sleep. Teal'c disappeared a few hours ago on a walk along the beach, with Ernest discreetly tagging along behind him.

I found a shell today, wrapped in a bit of cloth. Ernest saw me find it, and he asked me if I remembered the night we found that on the beach. I wish I could say yes to him. So much has changed since the last time I saw him.

I was so excited when Daniel told me they knew where Ernest was. After all this time I should have known he'd have changed. I should have known that he wouldn't be the same Ernest I remembered and that we wouldn't just pick up where we left off and live happily ever after. It's stupid, but that's how I wished...

"Catherine?" Captain Carter's voice is hoarse, grating in her throat and barely audible.

"Shh. It's okay, Captain." I whisper, taking a hold of the drinking canteen that Jack always left near her. "Here, have something to drink."

"My arm." She moans, scrunching her pale, gaunt face up in pain. I touch her forehead hesitantly, and relief floods over me as I realise her skin is cool to touch.

"It's broken. Try not to move it. Jack splinted it for you but..."

"We're not on earth, are we?" She wheezes, battling to keep her eyes open as she tries to lift her lips for a sip of water.

"No, we're not." I can't lie to her. She deserves to know the truth. "Only Daniel made it back. Everyone else is still here and fine."

"Everyone?" She double checks as water dribbles down her chin and leaves a damp patch on the pathetic excuse for clothes.

"Everyone. Teal'c had a broken leg but his symbiote fixed that up for us..."

"Your face." She frowns slightly in concern, but the effort is too much for her and her eyes slip closed again in slumber.

Yes. My face. A jagged gash down the whole of my right cheek. A pang shoots through me. Not only a gash down my cheek, but several other scars too. A small mark from chicken pox, a tiny scar under my chin from a fall...all marks that have changed and moulded my face to the
person I have become after all this time. I'm not vain; I know I'm not beautiful. But Ernest remembered me as young and pretty. I've changed so much now, and so has he.

We're not the same people that we used to be.

~*~

"How is she?" I nod towards the young woman sleeping fitfully next to the fire.

"She's getting there." The older woman tells me, a longing look on her face. Catherine. She reminds me so much of the Catherine I know.

I can't find Catherine. She won't talk to me anymore. I think she's unhappy with me because I've been neglecting her. These strangers, the people that nearly rescued me are occupying my thoughts now. The older woman in particular.

Catherine. She's Catherine, isn't she?

NO. The Catherine I know walks along the beach with me and talks of everything. She talks of other worlds, of families, of her dreams...this Catherine is so old. Her eyes are old and tired. She was looking for something, but she's given up now.

Where's my Catherine?

"I brought food." I tell the woman, stealing a cautious look at her. She's watching me now, open sorrow on her face as she studies me in the firelight.

"You can't, can you?" She asks softly. She's angry with me, but sorrowed at the same time. What can't I do? Why is she angry with me? I don't know her. Do I?

~*~

"What's going on?" I roll to my feet, watching Catherine and Ernest studying each other. Something's wrong between the two of them, even *I* can see that. Catherine isn't eating right and she looks so unhappy. Ernest is just confused as hell, which is okay considering that he's been on his own for the last half a century or so.

"I brought food." Ernest announces, holding up a small animal of some sort.

"Great." I smile at him. The old boy is rather capable. Had to be to survive fifty year on his own.

"Captain Carter woke up." Carter woke up? Who cares about food.

"How was she?" I demand, pushing Catherine out of the way and inspecting Carter for myself. I hate to admit it, but I *do* feel a certain amount of affection for my captain. Hell, who wouldn't, she's a bright kid. Even brighter than me!!

"Coherent. She was worried about the team and she said her arm hurt." Catherine fills me in as I gently pull the poultice off of her arm.

Truth is, Carter, you've had me worried. This poultice of Ernest's will definitely be useful back home, but we all have to get home first. Her arm doesn't look great. The wounds are all red, but they don't look so angry anymore. The thing that worries me though, is the completely pulpy look of her arm. It's just so...flat. Squished. Jellyish. Unhealthy. I'm pretty sure her arm was very well smashed, not just broken. If only we could get some of that poultice on the bone and...

"Catherine..." An idea pops to mind. A Jack O'Neill special.

"What is it?" She knows I'm thinking of something because the thoughtful tone of my voice has to be a rarity.

"What if we mixed this stuff with water and gave it to her to drink?"

"What?" Catherine doesn't look too happy.

"Well...it might help with the fever and everything...and maybe it can do miracles for her bone too."

"I don't think it would help her bones heal any faster, Jack. They have to knit themselves back together, and that takes time." Catherine reminds me logically.

Damn. And I wonder why I never made it as a doctor.

~Four~

~*~

"How are you feeling?" I open my eyes and look up into the Colonel's concerned face.

"Better, thanks." I tell him. Okay. So that's only a *little* lie. My arm still hurts like hell, and they won't let me look at it. Catherine had a fit last night when I thought she was sleeping and tried to prise the bandages off. I *know* I shouldn't touch the splint, that I should just leave the arm to heal, but it *hurts* and I would at least like to see *why* it hurts.

"If you try another stunt like last night..." He warns me, no humour in his eyes as he looks down at me.

"Sorry Sir, it won't happen again." Okay, so that sounded very false, even to my own ears.

"Carter, I'm serious. That arm is in bad shape, and I mean *bad* shape." No, he is serious. He's not joking. I *know* my arm is in bad shape...but still.

"Yes Sir."

"Good." He settles back, his eyes never leaving me.

"So how are things going?" I ask, letting my eyes travel around the room again, trying desperately to ignore my arm. But it's so sore. Sore doesn't even begin to describe it. If Daniel were here I'm sure he could lend me a useful word in one of the 23 languages he speaks. Then again maybe there isn't one that describes this kind of agony and then we'll just have to make one up...

"Not bad. Teal'c and Ernest have a rapport going now, they go hunting. That's where our lovely collection of animal pelts is coming from." He grins slightly, pulling a face. "Catherine is gathering berries and stuff...I've been fishing. The usual."

"How long have we been here, Sir?" I have to ask the question some time. Now seems as good a time as any.

"Nearly three weeks."

"Three weeks?" I gape.

"You were out of it for the first couple of days." I point out.

"More than the first couple." I snort; wincing slightly as my arm voices it's complaint. Loudly.

"Carter, I won't lie to you. It's bad." He sighs, leaning back against the wall. I feel privileged for some strange reason, that he's dropping the facade of optimism with me. I've seen him in front of the others, determined that we'll survive, and I believed him. But I know my Colonel. It wasn't *him* speaking. This is *him* speaking, because he's being honest with me.

"The gate?" It's a dumb question, but Catherine won't answer things. She doesn't know what she should and shouldn't tell me. The Colonel doesn't have qualms like that though.

"It's gone." He says simply.

"Gone?" I frown. I remember it falling towards me, jumping to get out of the way, a burning sensation as my arm got crushed...the haziness, the cold, the pain, the wetness and that cold fire that haunted me for so long.

"Yeah. It just fell over the edge. Took a large chunk of the wall with it. I think it's pretty much buried." He sighs, rubbing his hands with his face.

"So what are we going to do, Sir?" I ask softly, watching him hopefully.

"Survive, Carter, and wait." He looks at me, real determination in his eyes. "I'll be damned if I'm going to die on some God forsaken lump of rock in the middle of no where. I *won't* let it happen. Hell, you haven't even had a chance to climb the ranks yet!" He grins suddenly, and the moment is over. Now it's Colonel and Captain once again. A superficial, but comforting relationship none-the-less. "You should get some sleep." He stands up, reaching over and ruffling my decidedly greasy hair.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." I warn him, thinking about the safety of his own hands in that horrifying mop of grease. I can nearly feel it crawling down my neck. I'm sure at least a dozen different insects have made their homes in my hair, I can feel them crawling around there, sending cold shivers down my spine. I can't wait till they let me get up and have a bath. I can't wait until I *can* get up.

~*~

Things are strained. Strained would be an understatement actually. More like Catherine and Ernest can't be near each other without the temperature dropping a few degrees and the tension being tightened a notch. I just wish I knew *what* to do about it. Maybe when Carter's better...

"O'Neill." Teal'c motions me over to him.

"What is it?" I ask, jogging over to him.

"I have found something." He states calmly, not slowing his steady walk towards me.

"What?" I ask, turning around and falling back into step with him.

"An abandoned city." He glances out over the water. It's strange; on earth the water tends to have a slightly green tint to the blue. Here it's more of a golden colour, like a permanent sunset or something.

"An abandoned city?" I asked incredulously.

"Yes. I believe that Daniel Jackson would be most enthralled by this discovery." He converses.

"You going to show me this city some time soon?"

"Yes, but it is a distance away." He nods his head.

"I'm up to it." I point out, ready to go.

"As am I, however I do not believe it would be wise to leave Dr. Langford and Ernest alone with only Captain Carter." He points out.

Good point. Looks like the field trip will have to wait.

~*~

O'Neill is growing restless. He is a warrior. Unlike me, however, he has never been taught patience or methods with which to remain in control when left for long periods of time without battle.

Whereas I spend my time meditating and learning of the land, O'Neill launches himself from one project to another. One day he attempts to build a house out of wood, the next day he attempts to devise a better way for catching fish.

We do, however, have one ritual that is always followed. As the sun sets over the crimson waters we all gather in the cave. Dr. Langford and Ernest both remain silent during this time, as do O'Neill and I. Captain Carter is now also joining the ritual. Each night O'Neill places more logs onto the fire and waits until they are burning brightly. He then puts the meal on to cook. While the meal is cooking he takes his knife and carefully carves a notch in the wall,
representing another day on this planet. Already the total notches reach 22. We have been here for nearly a month, and we still have no way to return home.

~Five~

~*~

"You can't do that!" How could he even suggest something like that? It hasn't even been a month yet and he wants to put them down as MIA.

"I was supposed to have done it a long time ago, Dr. Jackson." General Hammond says sorrowfully. I shouldn't be yelling at him because it's not his fault. It's not his fault that Sam and Jack and Teal'c and Ernest and Catherine are all stuck back on that planet. It's not his fault that we don't know whether they're alive or not, and it's not his fault that he has to put them MIA. But I'm still angry at him, simply because he's the closest one to target.

"So what now?" I sigh, deciding that I *am* being unfair to him. And to myself. And to Sam and Jack and everyone else. When did life get so complicated?

"Well, I'm going to have to assign a new SG-1 team, and it's your choice whether you'd like to stay on it or not." General Hammond said carefully.

No. No I don't want to be on SG-1 without the others. But I *do* want to find Sha're. And I want to find SG-1.

"I'd like to stay on SG-1, General." I can't believe I just betrayed my friends like that. But I will find them. I *will* find SG-1 and I will find Sha're.

~*~

"Damn it, I *don't* CARE!" One very testy female officer announces. Well, more like screams.

"Carter, you're being insubordinate..."

"It bears repeating, *Sir*, I DON'T CARE!"

"Jack, maybe it wouldn't be too bad if..."

"NO!" I glare at Catherine, and like a good little girl she pipes down. I wish.

"Jack, it's not going to kill her for goodness sake."

"You don't know that!" I point out, standing up and turning my attention back to Carter. "If you move your arm, Carter, and damage it even more then you can pretty well kiss your military career goodbye." I snap, and then freeze.

"I think I've already done that, Colonel." She says quietly, and I feel really guilty all of a sudden. I should have gotten them home sooner, I should have insisted that they go home and ignore that stupid display of high school chemistry.

"Carter, it's not that *I* don't want you to go and have a bath - hell, that would be very nice for everyone concerned, but I don't want you to damage your arm even more. I'm no doctor, Captain, but basic first aid tells me that thanks to Ernest's herbs and spices, you do stand a chance of getting your arm back. Sort of." Okay. That was one very technical and know-how speech that just came out of my mouth. I'm impressed. Why couldn't someone *important* have been here to hear me make such an impressive speech about a subject I know hardly anything about? Okay, so I do know quite a bit about *having* broken bones but...

"Colonel?"

"Yes?" I blink. Oops. I did it again. Now they all think I'm crazy. Even Ernest is giving me a wary look. Isn't a guy allowed to have a few fantasies every now and then? Okay, so maybe waving my arms around and pretending to bow *was* a freaky thing...but I can dream. Can't I?

~*~

"How are you doing?" Catherine asks me, settling herself next to me carefully, her eyes not meeting mine.

"About as well as can be expected." I smile slightly, reminding myself not to move. Actually, my arm has been better lately, but that's probably because we've been here for a few weeks now. According to the notches on the wall, which number 32, over a month. I think that's why my arm is starting to feel better. It still hurts though.

"Jack agreed to let you get up." She tells me, smiling slightly.

"Really? That's wonderful!" I can't help my smile. 32 days I've been on this planet, and I don't know what it looks like other than the inside of this cave and the inside of a castle that apparently doesn't exist anymore. About time they let me out.

"Not yet!" She warns me, putting her hand on my shoulder to keep my anxious body seated on the ground.

"What?" So that's really not fair.

"He wants to be here. To make sure you don't hurt yourself anymore." She faces the opposite wall again, leaning back against the one I'm leaning against.

"Well, he's certainly not hanging around when I have a bath!" I declare vehemently. The washes and spongings Catherine's been helping me with really don't compare to a bath. I can't wait to soak myself in some water, to feel *clean* for a change.

"I don't expect he will." Catherine smiles slightly.

I take the opportunity to study her. I didn't really know her well before we came on this mission, but she's lost something. She's lost the glint in her eye that told me she wasn't just another old lady stuck in the past. Now she is just another old lady, stuck in the past.

"What's happened to you?" The words slip out before I can stop them, and I colour slightly. That was incredibly rude; I don't even really know the woman.

She looks over at me, surprise on her face. "Well, other than getting stranded on a planet light years from home..." She fades away, and I'm surprised to see a tear trickling down her cheek. I would have thought that it wasn't too bad on this planet. Teal'c, the Colonel and Ernest all seem okay. Then again, Ernest has been here for a very long time. Teal'c is...well, Teal'c, and the Colonel...we all knew there was a risk of this happening. But Catherine, I don't think her change has to do with being stuck on this planet.

"Dr. Langford..." I narrow my eyes, hoping I'm not stepping out of place.

"Call me Catherine. Everyone else does." She smiles slightly.

"Even Teal'c?" I can't believe that. He still calls me Captain Carter, despite all the times I've tried to convince him to call me Sam.

"Well, okay, not everyone. But Jack and Ernest do..."

There. Ernest. This has to do with Ernest. Why else would her eyes flash with something for just the second that his name passes over her lips?

"So, Catherine, what's it like?" I ask, deliberately casual.

"What's what like?" She frowns, confused, and I realised I was too cryptic.

"Ernest." I say softly, and her face becomes unreadable in the dim light that filters in through the mouth of the cave.

"It's...expected I guess." She sighs, obviously not comfortable talking about it. But I'm bored, I'm bored out of my brain and this provides me with some distraction. Cruel and unfair, I know, but circumstances are a lot different to normal. I ignore my conscience.

"Then why are you so upset?" I ask her, still not quite sure what's wrong.

"I...We've changed so much." She sighs, shaking her head.

"Of course you've changed. It's been over fifty years..." I point out, my scientist brain stepping into place.

"I know that. Believe me, Captain, I know that, but I still believed that it would be different. That we'd just see each other and then everything would be okay."

"That you'd just pick up right where you left off." I feel a pang of pain in my own heart. I could relate to that. Isn't that exactly what Dad and I had done? Not talked for years after Mom's death, and then tried to make up. Only he still thought of me as 'his little princess' and I still thought of him as the person who's killed my Mom, though indirectly. I shake my head slightly, pushing the thoughts away. It doesn't do any good musing over the past and wishing you'd done things differently. It's not possible to just pick up right where you left off.

"I was so...shocked when Daniel came to me..." She whispers, but I can still hear the tremour on her voice. I reach over and squeeze her hand slightly. I may not know her well, but Catherine was there for me nearly every time I woke up, comforting me. I owe her something.

"I thought that...It was so long ago, so far away. Like a nightmare from another lifetime." She bites her lip, her eyes glistening with tears. "But the hope, the memories...It was incredible." She states, and a half smile sneaks through her sorrow as she relives the joy of the moment when she found out Ernest was possibly still alive.

"I was so excited, so eager to just run back into Ernest's arms and be happy..." I can't say anything, even if I wanted to. Nothing I could say could comfort her, and I can't think of a response to this kind of emotion.

"When we stepped through that Stargate and I saw him...I didn't recognise him Sam. My first thought was along the lines of, 'Oh my God, there's a naked old man running around here!'. And *then* I realised that it was Ernest." She snorts through her tears, disgusted at her emotions. "I...I didn't even feel compelled to touch him, Sam. I wanted to stay as far away from him as I could...it wasn't Ernest I was looking at." She whispers, licking her lips as the tears run down her face.

I can only look at this woman with amazement and awe. She has been through so much, suffered so much heartache, and now she's got to go through it all again.

"I'm angry at him, Sam." She says suddenly, cradling herself against me. "I'm angry that he doesn't talk to me. I'm angry because he doesn't believe that I'm Catherine, just like I don't believe that he's Ernest." She whispers brokenly. My arm complains violently as I move and place my good arm comfortingly around her shoulders. It's the most I can do, but I know that a comforting hug can help a lot.

"I still love him..." She says eventually as the silence in the cave wears on. "But I'm in love with his memory, not with him." She shakes against me. "I'm awful, Sam, an awful person."

"No you're not an awful person." I state it firmly and honestly, because it's the truth. "You've changed, Catherine, that's all. Both of you. You've become different people." I try and soothe her hacking sobs.

"But I still *want* to love him. I still *want* to live happily ever after with him." She moans against me, starting to gather her control again.

"I can't help you with that, Catherine." I admit eventually. "I can't even offer you advice because I don't have any. I do think that you should try to get to know him again, find out just *how* he has changed." I suggest, knowing that my words are empty and not really a solution. You came to the wrong person, Catherine, I suck with relationships. Ask my Dad. Ask my brother. Hell, ask Jonas if you can get a temporary pass into hell.

We sit like that for a while, in an awkward silence that's still comforting because we've created an alliance. There's an unspoken bond between us because we're the only females and we've taken up the roles of best friends/sisters/mother-daughter. I squeeze her slightly and wonder what she's going to do.

I look up gratefully as the Colonel arrives, ready to escort me to my very first bath on this abandoned planet.

~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~

~Six~

~*~

I watch discreetly as she makes her way towards the pool we use for bathing, cradling her arm to her chest protectively. It is not healed completely, despite her assurances to the contrary. Satisfied that she is in no danger, I turn away and return to my task of hunting.

We have been here for 43 days now, and already signs of the seasons changing are setting in. The land is becoming much drier and more brittle, the once abundant berries and fruit drying out in the harshness of a sun that seems to grow more and more intense as each day passes. Since our stranding on this planet, there have been no more storms or rainfall of any kind. For many days after the first storm, the world was alive with colour and sound as the animals and
plants flourished. Dr. Littlefield has told us that this happens regularly, every two or so months. Just when one begins to think that the world has turned into a desert, the storms come again, one after the other, until the world is flooded with colour and life once more. Captain Carter has commented that this is a very strange cycle indeed.

A small animal scurries across my path, and my hunting spear quickly meets its target. I am well pleased with my success at hunting today. Three small birds and now this small animal. This food will feed us well tonight, along with the fish O'Neill managed to catch this morning.

I glance up and once again my eyes rest on the sight of the castle resting precariously on the outcrop of the rocks. During our stay here, we have spent many evening by the fireside discussing the origins of the castle and the ruined city that I have discovered in the distance. O'Neill has decided that once the next storms pass we will all trek towards the city and explore. I look forward to this venture as it will give a release for O'Neill and Captain Carter's restlessness.

~*~

The tension is building, and I'm not talking about the tension between us people, though that is building too. I mean the tension in the air. For the last two days the world seems to have been waiting. The animals are hardly moving, which makes it harder for Teal'c and me to hunt, and the air is just hanging there. Not even a breeze is blowing. This reminds me a lot of the tropics just before a hurricane strikes, and Carter agrees.

I'm actually looking forward to these storms that Ernest says will strike any day now. They signify my release from boredom. I think I've been irritating everyone, especially Carter. At one stage Catherine even suggested I go on ahead with this hike and the rest of them will catch up...but I'm *SO* bored it's not funny. Man. What I wouldn't give for some *paperwork* even!

I'm waiting for our meal to cook at the moment. It's strange actually, the roles each of us have adopted. Teal'c hunts and explores, I hunt when I can be bothered, fish when I feel like it and usually cook our meals. Catherine and Carter look after each other...and by that I mean they talk. I know a while ago, the first time I allowed Carter to get up and go outside for a while, that they'd talked. Catherine's eyes were red and Carter looked so...sad. I'm happy with that though, happy that they have someone that they can confide in and rely on. Sara needed that, I know. She needed another woman who she could talk too...so I'm guessing that Carter
and Catherine need that too. Not like us guys though. Ernest just forages around, looking for food and amusing himself by rambling away to 'Catherine'.

That unnerves everyone, the way he's constantly referring to Catherine and talking to her. I'm guessing that's a large reason why neither the 'real' Catherine nor Ernest aren't making a particularly big effort to resume their prior relationship, to put it delicately.

The sizzling and popping of the small cooking pot we had in our camping gear tells me the makeshift stew is almost ready. Almost. A few more minutes and then everyone will be here. It's uncanny how everyone knows when the meal's ready and when I'm about to do the 'Carve-the-day-on-the-rock-wall' ritual. But it's nice. It gives us a...bond I suppose. We're all in this together, so we'll all stick together no matter what. A very warped camaraderie, I suppose.

~*~

We eat well now, don't we Catherine? Colonel O'Neill and the dark man, Teal'c, ensure this. They are very clever to have brought along cooking implements for emergencies such as this. We should have thought of that, Catherine, the possibility of not returning home.

Home. Where is home, Catherine? I remember a place of sorrow and desperation; people with big eyes and fashionable hair all fighting for survival. I remember war, Catherine. There is no war here, Catherine. We're happy, aren't we?

I look at the objects Colonel O'Neill and Captain Carter carry with them, the strange weapons and amazing tools. Has Earth's culture and technology really developed so far? Would we recognise it?

They hurt, Catherine, both of them. Neither of these women are as happy as you are. Captain Carter, a female soldier. The old woman who has your eyes, Catherine. She is so sad, the old woman. I look at her and I feel a strange resentment flooding through me. Resentment and fear. Why am I scared of her, Catherine? Why do her brown eyes seem to look into my soul so sadly and sorrowfully?

Is it wrong, Catherine, to like it here? Is it wrong of me to not want to return back to Earth? Is it wrong of me to want to live here forever with my new friends? They want to return to Earth, home. I want to stay here. This is home. It's all I know.

~*~

I look up and catch the look on Ernest's face. It's strangely disconcerted, as if he's just realised something that he should have figured out a while ago. Something good. He looks across at me and looks slightly guilty, wary about something. About what? What was he thinking? Was he thinking about me? Does he think about me at all?

A small grunt to the left of me reminds me of Sam. I look over at her and feel sympathy flood through me as she struggles to eat. Her arm, although healing, is definitely not going to be as good as it once was. Her fingers won't bend or move properly, and I know it aches alot, the whimpering in her sleep tells me that.

I feel Jack watching her as well, a sorrowed expression on his face. Despite all their protests and blushing at my good natured teasing and insistence that the two of them should have a less military relationship, the two of them are close. He's very protective of her, always within shouting distance if she needs any assistance what so ever. Her knight in shining armour, I tease her. She gets annoyed at me when I say things like that, and flings military regulations in my face. 'Besides,' she always adds as an after thought, 'we just don't *have* that kind of relationship. We're *friends* Catherine.' Now maybe but...There I go again. Always the romantic. Still...there would be a bittersweetness to it if they *did* fall in love. An old woman can dream, can't she?

"We think the storms will come soon." Ernest's voice breaks the sudden silence, his eyes fixed on Jack.

"You said that two days ago." Jack replies, looking away from Sam long enough to raise an eyebrow in Ernest's direction.

"Catherine also thinks the storms will come soon." Ernest replies defensively, curling his arms around his knees protectively.

Catherine. My heart still jerks every time he says that. I scrutinize him carefully in the dim light of our cave, the only light provided by the dancing flames between us. I don't see the cocky, confident young man I fell in love. I don't see the clever person who used to smile at me in a way that made my heart soar. I don't see or recognise the soul that used to listen to me talk about my dreams and aspirations and confide his own. I see a broken, weathered old man
with darting eyes that often seem focused on a world that I can neither see nor hear, much less enter. So why do I still want to love him?

~Seven~

~*~

"Dr. Jackson." The younger man shuffles into the office, his head lowered and his piercing gaze determinedly focused on the file he clutches tightly in his white-knuckled hands.

"General." He doesn't look up. But he's not military, there's nothing I can do to discipline him, and I don't want to discipline him either.

"I'd like you to meet Major Thomas and First Lieutenant Mason." I glance over at the two people standing in the room with me. Thomas is a good officer, a very good officer. Mason...well, Mason needs some work done on him, but he'll get there eventually.

Dr. Jackson looks up for the first time, his features screwed up suspiciously. "Hi." When he puts his mind to it, our Dr. Jackson can be very...aloof.

"Major Thomas is the new CO of SG-1, Dr. Jackson." The words hit him as though I have physically punched him. The betrayal and anger in his eyes as he looks at me hits me just as hard as my announcement hit him, only I'm not allowed to show it.

"Oh, really." He straightens himself slowly, his back going as rigid as Teal'c's staff weapon. The folder in his hands get shut slowly, the barely restrained anger only being held in check by a will power I know he possess.

"The other member, Dr. Lawson, has unfortunately been detained but she will be arriving within the next day or two."

"And just when were you planning on telling me?" He demands, his voice icy as he stares at me, refusing to turn around and further acknowledge my soldiers. I can feel their awkwardness at his resentment, but there's nothing I can do to ease the situation.

"I did tell you, Dr. Jackson. When I informed you of Captain Carter and Colonel O'Neill's status as being confirmed MIA..."

"You said absolutely NOTHING about replacing SG-1 this soon." He states calmly, his nostrils flaring ever so slightly on the word 'nothing'.

"I said that they would be replaced, the when was irrelevant." I respond just as coldly towards him. If I allow myself to show him the tiniest amount of understanding and compassion even, then I wouldn't be able to control my emotion and think as clearly as my position of Major General demands of me.

"What happens when they come home? What happens when Sam and Jack get back here and they don't have a team anymore?" He demands, placing his file down on the large table with a rigid movement.

"If that happens, Dr. Jackson, the situation will be reassessed depending their physical and mental abilities at the time." He still believes they will come back, that SG-1 is still out there somewhere. To him it is a matter of when, not if. I envy his faith in those people, but they are only that. Only people. And people get hurt, emotionally and physically. And people die. "Now, it's your choice whether you would like to remain on SG-1 under the command of Major Thomas. If you do decide to remain, you will follow their orders and treat them with the respect that you gave to Colonel O'Neill and Captain Carter." My words are a warning to him, and he knows it.

"I'm staying Sir," His words are mocking as his eyes glare balefully at me, "But I can't give Major Thomas the respect I gave Colonel O'Neill because Jack still has my respect. And Teal'c and Sam too." He adds,  narrowing his eyes.

"You will still respect your fellow team members." I warn him, my voice acid on all our wounds. Team members. Not Colonel O'Neill and Captain Carter and Teal'c anymore. Three strangers, three new people invading and taking over the team he served with.

"But of course." He lifts his head proudly and turns to face his 'new' team. "How on earth could I possibly disrespect these fine soldiers?" He asks, but his voice is snide and the look on his is pitiful. They are not SG-1, and he won't give them a chance to prove themselves. Because Thomas and Mason aren't O'Neill and Carter, they have already failed in his eyes. Not, however, in mine. I have the utmost faith in my newest officers.

~*~

A tremendous crash outside my office startles me and I jerk spasmodically, knocking over my pink mug full of pens.

"Just what is going on out here?" I demand, stepping into the infirmary and glaring at a very annoyed Dr. Jackson.

"They've been replaced." He spits the words out as though they leave a bad taste in his mouth. They've been replaced. The words, under normal circumstances, would make no sense to me. But these aren't normal circumstances. They make perfect sense. Replaced. SG-1 has been replaced.

"That's no reason to destroy my infirmary, Dr. Jackson." No matter how much this is hurting him, I can't have him in here disturbing my patients.

"Aren't you even *angry*?" He demands, his eyes wild and his hair in disarray.

"Who should I be angry at?" I ask him logically, waiting for his answer.

I can see his mind working, his blue eyes growing thoughtful and his temper calming as he thinks logically about the situation.

"Me." He says eventually, his shoulders slumping as his defeated gaze once again meets mine.

"Why should I be angry at you?" This is where I play psychologist again and convince him that he's not the one to blame for them being...left behind. Left behind. We don't know for certain that they're dead. We also don't know that they're alive. And we have no way of finding out either.

"Jack wanted to leave." Daniel whispers, knotting his fingers together in agitation. His clouded eyes drift away from mine. "I didn't want too...I wanted to stay. They had to wait for me to decide before dialing...and then when they did...if I hadn't been so pig-headed..."

"Stop!" I cut him off, making no move to step towards him or comfort him. "Blaming yourself isn't going to help them, and neither is what ifs or I should haves."

"Then what is?" He demands, his anger resurfacing. "I should be able to do something, I should be able to...to...there must be something!" He clutches at his hair and rocks himself slightly, frustration building.

"There is." I say softly.

"What?" He looks up, hope shining in his eyes, desperately clutching at something, anything that can bring his friends home.

"Don't be an ass to everyone. Do you really think that Jack and Sam would want..."

"That's not going to help anything!" He shouts at me, his voice thick with emotion and guilt. "I need a solution, something to BRING THEM HOME!"

As much as he needs to let this emotion out, I can't have him shouting in my infirmary.

"Dr. Jackson, if you're going to shout like that I suggest you leave because I can't have you..." He walks out the door without listening to me. I feel a stab of regret and guilt that I chased him away, but my patients come first. I should follow him, I should comfort him and
offer my friendship because right now, he doesn't have anyone now. SG1 didn't really have friends outside of their team. I should, but I can't.

~Eight~

~*~

"Hey Carter, what's up?" I didn't realise anyone had followed me, much less the Colonel.

"Nothing Sir, I'm just thinking." Okay, so that was *very* original, and lame. Even the small amount of cheerfulness I injected into my voice sounds false.

"Now there's something unusual. Carter thinking..." His wise crack, lame and *original* though it is, brings a smile to my lips. "Aren't you coming in?" He asks me. The three moons are out and together they throw a reddish-gold glow over everything. It's strange, but on this planet even the water seems to have a golden glow to it. Like a permanent sunset or something. I think it's something to do with the atmosphere and type of sun that this planet orbits, but I can't be sure. I really wish I had a few more instruments to take measurements with; this world is so interesting... "Earth to Carter." O'Neill says. An awkward silence falls over us. Earth to Carter. Earth.

"I'm sorry." I whisper, starting to stand up.

"No, wait." His hand rests on my shoulder, keeping me seated on the ground. Carefully, without removing his hand from my shoulder in case I bolt - which he very well knows I would - he sits down next to me and then carefully pulls his hand from my shoulder. The place where his hand rested feels strangely cold suddenly, which is strange in itself because the air is so humid and hot. "Are you okay?" I can just make out the concern in the shadows of his face.

No. No I'm not okay. My arm is wrecked, ruined, useless. I'm stuck on a planet with nothing to do and I just feel so *angry* at everyone... "Yeah, I'm fine Sir."

"You're lying to me, Carter." It's not a question or a probe for me to agree to or deny, it's a simple statement that we both know is true. "We're going to go home, you know." He says calmly as if it's another statement that we both know is true. But we don't know that it's true. We don't know whether we're going to spend the rest of our lives on this planet like Ernest basically has, or whether something miraculous will happen tomorrow and we'll go home. We simply don't know, and that's what gets to me a lot. "Say something." He begs, and I can hear his fingers fiddling with something. He always fiddles with something, I think it's a habit that he can't break.

"Like what?" I snort, using my good arm to pull knees up to my chest as my eyes stare out vacantly at the ocean. The whispering of the waves against the shore and the calming song they sing as they lap against the rocks sets a false atmosphere of relaxation and peace. Everything around us is filled with a tension that will snap at any moment in the form of one helluva storm.

The silence stretches on for a while. I can only imagine what wild scenarios Catherine will come up with and tease the Colonel and myself with over the next couple of days. Who would of guessed an old woman could be so suggestive? I think a lot of it comes with her relationship, or lack thereof, with Ernest.

"So why's the water red?" The Colonel asks eventually, a lame attempt to get a conversation going.

"I don't know. I think it might have something to do with a mineral or something that's present on this planet...Or it could have something to do with the type of star that this planet is orbiting-"

"We should name it." He interjects suddenly, and I can feel his eyes studying me.

"Name it?" I say slowly, testing the idea out loud.

"Yeah. The planet. We've got Earth...Venus, Mars, Pluto, Mercury..." He starts listing the planets.

"Hey, you know all your planets!" I joke, bringing some levity to the situation.

"Of course." He sounds slightly offended. "I know my constellations too..." He trails off. "I did." He amends, and once again the silence settles over us, but this time the silence is more like a comfortable blanket, bringing a soothing comfort with its presence.

"What do you suggest?" I ask eventually, starting to like the idea. "And not O'Neill's place!" I grin to myself.

"O'Neill's place?" He guffaws in mock disbelief. "Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of kingdom..." He confides and I can't help the chuckle escaping in me. "We have the castle to go with the theme as well..." He continues, waving his arm around in the darkness and the air movement his theatrical gestures create stir the hair flopping on my face.

"Oh yeah. I can just see this sign, "O'Neill's Kingdom, twelve miles north!" I snort, starting to shake as the laughter takes a hold of me.

"Hey...the whole planet is supposed to be O'Neill's Kingdom, not just some little patch of land twelve miles north!" He complains, no laughter in his mock serious voice.

"What about me?" I demand, trying to control my giggles. Me, giggling? I haven't giggled for a long time. Well, being drunk doesn't count because everyone giggles when they're drunk.

"You can have a star. Or a moon even." He says generously. "How about that one? We could call it Samantha." He points to the brightest moon.

"Samantha?" I roll my eyes. "Puh-lease."

"You don't like it?" He sounds slightly surprised.

"Of course not. No one likes their own name." I point out. "That's why you're Jack, you don't like the name Jonathan..."

"How'd you know that was my name?" He asks suspiciously, a note of annoyance on his voice.

"You're my CO. I'm supposed to know things like that." I remind him. "I also know your middle name." I grin, unable to help myself. This is so, so childish! But it's so much fun, and I haven't had fun like this for so long now.

"Oh." He sits quietly for a while. "When we get back you can bet your booties that..."

"You don't know my middle name." I state matter-of-factly.

"I bet you don't know how old I am!" He avoids the question.

"Actually, I do..." I start out but his hand clamps over my face.

"Ah uh!" He shakes his head, I can see the movement in the dark. "I know your age!" He warns. "And..." He pauses for effect, "I know when your next birthday is!"

"You do?" Now I'm surprised. Birthdays? I never remember birthdays...not even my own. He knows when my birthday is? "So, do I get a present?"

"Carter..." He groans, dropping his hand away and flopping onto his back to gaze up at the foreign heavens. "Other than Kawalsky, you are the only 2IC who's given me this much grief." He tells me, and I feel strangely complimented. I know that the Colonel considered Kawalsky a 2IC of the highest calibre, so to be even thought of in the same context as the man...it kind of makes a girl feel just the tiniest smidgeon of pride.

"So, about naming this planet..."

~*~

Outside the air is warmer than inside the cave. I think this is to do with the rock that surrounds us, however that is not really any of my concern. My concern is for Captain Carter and Colonel O'Neill, who have both been away from the shelter for a very long time.

As I move along the shore, taking care not to let my boots splash in the salty waves, I hear laughter winding gently around me. Captain Carter. Locating the position of Captain Carter, I turn my course towards a small hill that overlooks the ocean, a favourite retreat of both Captain Carter and O'Neill.

Arriving at the top, I discover both Captain Carter and O'Neill lying helplessly on the ground and laughing as if they could not help themselves.

"What...what about mash?" O'Neill manages to gasp between his bouts of laughter.

"Mash?" Captain Carter explodes in another fit of laughter, rolling over slightly so that she is half leaning against O'Neill.

"Yeah. Hot Lips. Could...could you image...Hey, isn't Hot Lips full tonight!" Both of them burst into more peals of laughter. Mash? Hot lips? If I did not know that there is a distinct lack of acoholic substances on this planet then I would believe that they are both inebriated.

"That...that is...such a male..thing...to say!" Captain Carter accuses during her laughter.

"What?....Oh!" O'Neill seems to find something even funnier, and I imagine I can see tears running down his cheeks. "Well...I just said...she's female...like you..." He splutters, and I frown in confusion. Hot lips? Mash? Male things to say? Female? Perhaps there is something in the air that I am immune to because of my symbiote...

"Don't you...dare...me like Hot Lips!" Captain Carter tries very hard, yet fails miserably, to sound indignant.

"Well..." O'Neill catches his breath, and I can hear the slyness on his voice, "You are both blond..." Captain Carter's fist connects loosely with O'Neill's arm. Perhaps I should make them aware of my presence.

"Are you well, O'Neill?" I ask them.

"Teal'c!" O'Neill doubles over laughing as though my name is the most hilarious thing on this planet.

"Captain Carter, I do not see what is so amusing." I lift an eyebrow as she snickers again.

"The moon Teal'c, the moon." She giggles as O'Neill starts to recover himself and sits upright.

"Is there something in the moon of this planet that affects you?" I ask, genuinely worried. I do not understand what either O'Neill or Captain Carter could find so amusing, unless their minds have somehow been affected by something.

"What?" Both of them stop for a second, and then once again collapse against each other as the laughter takes a hold of them again. "No!" O'Neill gasps.

"Just a joke, Teal'c." Captain Carter manages, unable to support herself due to her damaged arm and current state of laughter.

I do not find Tau'ri jokes amusing.

"We were concerned for you." I watch them as they start to regain control and pull themselves off each other.

"Sure. We're coming Teal'c." O'Neill stands up and offers Captain Carter a hand up, which she accepts and pulls herself to her feet.

"Lead on!" Captain Carter starts giggling again as I turn and make my way back towards the cave. I do not know what it is that has put my friends in such good spirits, but I am grateful for it. Perhaps now the relationships between the members of our group will improve and lighten, as the sorrow and solemnity of out current predicament is beginning to weigh heavily on all of us.

Slowly, with the occasional snort and giggle from O'Neill and Captain Carter, we head back towards the cave, the air hanging hot and humid but feeling a lot more friendly than it ever has before.

~Nine~

~*~

"It's so hot." Carter mutters again, and I can hear her flopping around on her 'bed'.

I shift as well, irritation obvious in my movements as I punch angrily at the sand beneath us. Sand, while distinctly more comfortable than rock solid ground, doesn't make for the best sleeping mat. It's so soft at first, but then it gets harder as the weight of your body compacts it tightly together. And then, any movement just causes your 'shaped' bed to move out of shape and scatter sand everywhere. I'm so sick of sand in my clothes that I could just..

"I'm going for a swim." I see Carter's form sitting upright in the dark. I'm *so* tempted to say, 'Me too', but unless someone else says it first, I'm not going to.

"I'm not moving." Catherine announces,  her voice slurred from sleep and heat, hard to tell which one exactly.

"It's dark." Ernest announces from my other side.

"Teal'c?" Carter asks.

"He's Kel'no'reeming." I remind her. That means, 'no'.

"What about you, Jack?" I can nearly hear the smile on Catherine's voice. Sometimes she can be so immature...

"I'm comfortable right here. Besides, I don't really want to put sandy clothes on once I'm free of it." I lie, crossing my fingers.

"Guess it's just me then." Carter sighs, and I can hear the disappointment in her voice. I'm so tempted to just put my hand up and say...

"Be careful, Sam." Catherine jumps in before I can open my mouth and do something stupid. Why on earth would it be stupid though? Because we'd be unchaperoned of course, wearing basically nothing...and we've got our careers to think of. That's why. Not that anything would happen of course, because we *don't* have that kind of relationship. We're just friends. See that Catherine? Friends. We can be friends! Ha!

"If I'm not back in an hour, call the police." Carter fakes a mobster's voice. I chuckle at that. Who on earth would have thought my serious little world/life saving scientist with a tongue that could remove tarnish from silver had such a sense of humour! I'm still kind of in shock about last night, about our incessant giggling and hysterics over naming a moon. I mean, it *wasn't* even that funny for crying out loud.

Okay, so I'm trying really hard not to laugh. So shoot me. It *was* funny. He he.

"Jack..." Catherine hesitates a while after Carter has left.

"Yeah?" I'm not sleeping anyway, so why bother ignoring her?

"Shouldn't we go check on Sam, I mean, it *is* dark and her arm is still..."

"O'Neill." Teal'c interrupts Catherine, and I can hear the wariness on his voice.

"What's up doc?"

"I am not 'Doc', O'Neill." He sounds confused for a minute.

"I *know* that!" I roll my eyes. Sheesh, can't the man just get one teeny tiny little joke? Obviously not. "What was it?"

"The wind."

"What wind?"

A gust of wind whips through the gave and the smouldering embers from our tiny fire suddenly explode into life, flying around the cave in an incredible display of golden lights.

"That wind." Catherine says dryly.

"The storms are coming!" Ernest whimpers and I can hear him scampering towards the back of the cave.

"Carter's out there!" I remember. According to Ernest, these storms hit even faster than they leave, and considering how fast the last one left...I don't want Carter out there in this.

"We should retrieve her immediately, O'Neill."

"I'll do that. Catherine, you and Teal'c pack everything up. I mean everything!" I struggle to my feet, searching for my torch in the darkness. "Put it all inside waterproof covering, the clothes, torches, bedding and Carter's doo-hickeys especially!" I order.

"What about Dr. Jackson's..."

"If there's room!" I bark, running out of the cave.

The sight that meets my eyes shocks the life out of me. Where last night the waves were lapping peacefully at the shore, playing gentle games with the shells and pebbles, tonight they're crashing furiously over the fine sand, grinding down heavily on the already powdery grains. The wind whips over me again, tugging angrily at my hair and trousers. I can almost feel it raking its fingers over me, determined to grab a hold. A strong gust brings the salty spray up into my face and the first ominous roll of thunder rattles my eardrums. Where the hell is Carter?

Ignoring the increasing wind and the sudden, icy cold descending over the tar black world, I start sprinting away from the beach and into the forest where our creek flows. The beam of my torch barely cuts through the oily blackness. Small, unidentifiable missiles are shooting through the air now, leaves and twigs, small rocks and even a tiny bird ricochet off me and through the small, wavering beam of light. The batteries are nearly gone.

"CARTER!" I bellow as they give out, plunging me into a darkness that seems to grab hold of me with tentacles. I can feel it creeping down my back and working it's way slowly into me. I panic. I can't see anything, I can't hear anything as the wind rushes past my ear drums and small projectiles make contact with my face.

"CARTER!" It's useless, me yelling. She'll never hear me through this.

"CARTER!" Suddenly something cold and icy hits my forearm and seems to burn right through the skin. Another impact, and another. My arm is stinging, it feels like acid is falling from the heavens.

"COLONEL!" I jerk, my eyes darting around the incredibly blackness helplessly, trying desperately to cut the blackness aside and locate Carter.

"CARTER?" I yell again, once again jogging in what I hope is the direction of the creek.

Another drop of ice water makes contact with the side of my neck. I'm getting desperate now, where is she? Another roll of thunder and a startling burst of light as the first lightening bolt strikes. For the brief second that the charged particles spring to life and create a dull grey glow over the landscape, my eyes strain to see her. Trees and bushes surround me, their branches whipping angrily in the wind as they strain towards me and then away, swaying and creaking as though they're threatening to fall over.

The world is plunged into darkness again, and I press on forwards, stumbling over roots and rocks and holes that I never knew lined this pathway.

"CARTER!" I bellow again as the world lights up briefly again, ghostly shapes taunting me as more and more shards of rain buffet my stinging body.

"COLONEL!" Her voice carries over the wind, and the sound of it nearly causes my own knees to buckle with relief. The darkness is bearing down on me, the blackness suffocating my mind of all logical thought.

"HERE! CARTER!" I stumble drunkenly forwards, her voice still yelling for me desperately. Another flash of light and for a second she is illuminated right in front of me, her hair silver in the glow and her eyes dark pools of grey, large and desperate in her colourless face. Jerkily I reach out for her, my hand clamping down over her upper arm as I pull her towards me. "Thank God." I hold her for a minute, easing her trembling body against mine and just giving my stunned body a second to recover. I found her. Thank God.

~*~

"Thank God." His words ring in my ears. Yes. Thank God.

Another shudder ripples over me and I gasp as an ice cold stone of water stings against my cheek, the liquid feeling like blood as it trickles down my skin.

"We have *got* to go!" The classic line brings a quick smile to my face as he pulls back, removing the welcome warmth of his body against mine. He steps away from me, but I panic, clutching frantically at his already damp shirt.

"It's dark!" I shout, relieved he can't see the blood rushing to my cheeks in embarrassment as I realise how my clutching at him could appear.

"Good idea!" I agree, and I feel his fingers resting on my shoulder. Without another word between us we start running, our legs beating out a steady rhythm underneath the spasmodic rolling of the thunder.

The five minute stroll from the creek to the cave has never felt this long before. The ground reaches up angrily, insistently with roots and twigs, placing holes and stones everywhere so that we stumble and stagger crazily through the darkness, the frequent reddish flashes of light allowing us to see a few metres ahead of us every so often before once again plunging us headlong into darkness. My feet are numb as I stumble again, tripping over another hidden object. Unable to stop and regain my balance, the momentum I've built up topples me over and I crash heavily to the ground, my face getting a personal acquaintance with a small bush and a pile of rotting leaves.

While the smell of damp dirt still lingers in my nose, the Colonel reaches down and helps me up. This time, instead of curling our fingers desperately in each other's clothing and running side-by-side, he grasps my hand tightly and we run on through the absolute dark, my fingers gripping his so tightly I'm scared I'll break his bones - if he doesn't break mine first.

Breathing heavily we stagger drunkenly out of the forest, still tripping and stumbling over small bushes and roots. The world is still dark, but the water ahead of us, while seeming to boil away furiously, gives off a golden red glow. Another arc of lightening splits the sky and the noise, bouncing off the cliff faces and surrounding hills nearly deafens me.

"Come on!" The Colonel tugs on my hand again, and we continue our mad sprint towards the caves. I can't tear my eyes from the water as we run, enthralled by the raw beauty of the tumultuous waves as they crash and vent their fury on the shores. The world rocks in time with each wave as it challenges the earth, throwing itself completely and unguardedly towards the earth where it gets broken into a million droplets of water, the spray hanging like grey crystals in the air before the darkness swallows them.

I run into the Colonel suddenly, and realised he's stopped. Then I see it. The ocean has risen to such an extent that it is already lapping at the mouth of our cave - and it's still rising quickly.

"Stay here!" He yells, pushing me against a large rock outcrop.

"What about the gear?" I can't just stay in here while he goes into the cave...he might need help.

"We'll be fine. Stay here and keep watch!" He orders and turns around. He hesitates for a second, his form outlined against the slight glow of the water. I watch him expectantly, forgetting the storm around us as he turns to me again, and I can imagine the concern and seriousness on his face. "Please?" He asks me softly.

"Okay." I agree, my voice whipped away by the wind and thrown up into the air, unheard. He pulls me into a hug then, crushing my form against him and burying his face against my neck. I clutch him to me as tightly as I can with my good arm; ignore the searing tongues of fire creeping racing up my bad arm as it gets caught between us. I can't lose him. I can't lose any of them. We are all we have.

And then he's gone, disappearing into the darkness that is the rest of my world.

I shiver in the icy air, denying the persistent wind the pleasure of snaking around my bad arm by hugging it tenderly with my good arm. A thought crosses my mind, and I freeze.

The wind rakes it's strong, clumsy fingers through my salty hair, yanking and pulling angrily. But the world seems to fade around me as the storm builds and the rain starts to pour down again, saturating every inch of me.

Bad arm. My arm won't work. I'm not physically able anymore. That's why I'm here...not helping. I'm not capable anymore...the arm...a handicap...a disability...I can't look after myself...anyone else...I've lost my 'place' on his team...oh...

The thoughts crash over me, pounding my mind to a small, insignificant grain of sand that gets lost amongst the billions of other grains of sand that have been suffering against the ocean's fury since before time can remember.

I'm useless to them now.

~*~

"Teal'c!" My voice sounds panicked, I know it. I force my eyes closed and take several deep breaths, but the wind whining like a high pitched buzz saw through the cave distracts me. The vice of worry clamps down even tighter around my heart, and I can't stop my hands from shaking as I clumsily roll up the last sleeping bag and try unsuccessfully to stuff it into one of the last waterproof bags.

"We must hurry, Dr. Langford!" His voice is more worried than I've ever heard it, his eyes looking surprisingly large and fear-filled in the near dark of the cave.

"CATHERINE! TEAL'C! Ernest!" Jack's voice mingles with the thunder, and a second later he appears in the cave, his face drawn and tight. Sam. Oh..

"Where's Sam?" I demand, my voice wobbling uncontrollably.

"She's fine. Come on!" He glances around the cave now stripped bare of most of our possessions. "Have you got everything?" He darts towards me, and I can see the precise military efficiency in him that makes him the Colonel he is.

"Nearly..." I look back involuntarily at one book that I couldn't fit into my pack.

"Leave it." He shakes his head, hefting the huge pack onto his back with a grunt. "Food?"

"All of it." I nod, still looking at the book.

"Daniel's not supposed to bring them with anyway!" Jack intercepts my gaze, but I can see the reluctance in his eyes to leave a 'part' of his friend behind. "Where's Ernest?" He realises for the first time that Ernest isn't helping us.

I point over my shoulder towards the back of the cave towards where the man is cowering against the wall, as high as he could scrabble on the fairly smooth walls.

"Ernest, come on!" Jack yells, pushing me ahead of him.

"Where are we going?"

"Out. The water's rising and damn quickly!" He barks. "Go with Teal'c. Carter's waiting at the outcrop of rocks near the first hill." He instructs, turning around.

"What about you?" I hesitate as Teal'c's form appears next to me.

"I'm getting Ernest. He'll drown in here..." But his voice is lost in another crack of thunder as the walls of the cave quiver with strain.

My heart is in my ears, throbbing and pounding as I blindly follow Teal'c towards the mouth of the cave. A cold wetness and sudden yanking against my feet alerts me to the water already surging into the cave. I flinch in fear, ready to turn back to help Jack.

"Dr. Langford..." Teal'c is behind me and he keeps me moving forwards, guiding me with his hand on my elbow for balance. "We must find Captain Carter."

Outside the wind buffets into me, and I gasp for breath as I stagger against the force of it. The water is swirling and tugging around my calves, and the rain plummets against me.

"TEAL'C!" The water gushes and yanks at me while the wind wraps itself around me, pulling me so hard that...

Teal'c's hand clamps down on my arm, and I grit my teeth as his vice like hold brings tears to my eyes. But I stay upright and with his incredible strength we slowly fight our way out of the ever rising water and stagger onto the sand.

The wind gusts again and a mixture of sea-spray and sand gets flung into my face, I'm blinded even more now that we're out here in the complete darkness without the light of our small, dying fire to see with.

As the wind roars in my ears and the world trembles around us as we fight our way forwards until we reach the outcrop of rocks that Jack spoke of.

Jack.

I spin around, my hand clutching at the smooth sharpness of the rock for balance, and peer desperately into the darkness for a sign of Jack. Despite his cynical attitude and sharp tongue, I'm quite fond of him...and I'll be damned if he's going to die because of Ernest!

My eyes adjust slightly to the pure blackness, and then I make out a reddish glow in the distance. The ocean. The ocean is still glowing a slight red colour, and that faint light is enough for me to be able to see Teal'c's form next to me, not just to feel it. Sam would love this...

"SAM!" I remember, looking around agitatedly. Where is she? "SAM!"

"Captain Carter!" Teal'c calls out, letting go of me to look for her. But I refuse to let him out of my sight, clutching instead at his pack and winding my fingers so tightly into one of the straps that I think they'll fall off due to lack of blood circulation.

I feel him stop and the relief he feels speaks to me clearly as he lets his posture relax ever so slightly. Peering around his bulk, I catch sight of Sam huddled in between two large boulders. How she managed to fit herself into that small gap is beyond me, but the way she isn't moving and isn't talking is worrying me. If only I could see...

The sky gets torn apart with a jagged flash of lightening that seems to have a red glow to it. In that instance I glance at her, and her face is blank. A hand clutches at my heart and I freeze in fear. Something's wrong with her...

"O'NEILL!" Teal'c's voice booms against my ear, and I spin around to face the direction he's now facing. Relief floods over me and for a moment I forget about Sam's sudden unresponsive state and allow myself to feel a fleeting flicker of peace, happiness even, that we're all alive and together. Again.

~Ten~

~*~

I'm late. Really late. I don't think I've ever been this late to a briefing before, but then I haven't been to a briefing without Sam, Jack and Teal'c. Call me sentimental but...

The door stares at me balefully with its single glass eye, daring me to glance through its see-through form and look at my new team inside. My new team. The words hang empty and a feeling of grief knots my stomach. They're gone.

If I walk into thi