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Title : |
A lot of thoughts, A lot of memories. |
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Author : |
Tara Pathirana |
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Email : |
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Category : |
Jack and Sam romance (what else), angst (I think), |
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Status : |
incomplete |
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Rating : |
pg (I think) |
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Content warnings : |
{warnings} |
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Pairings : |
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Season/sequel info : |
fourth season during Entity |
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Spoilers : |
Entity, CO--… actually just say a lot. |
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Archive : |
Heliopolis. SJR anywhere else ask first please |
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Summary : |
Jacks thoughts thru entity |
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Disclaimer : |
Leave me alone!!! A girl can Dream you know… Oh, well, We all know the drill. The characters aren’t mine, I’m just playing with them a little, I’m sure no-one minds I’ll put them back where I found them, there won’t be any damage, well…not much anyway. I’m not making any money (too bad) blah, blah, blah. NOW READ. No pressure. (Smiles sweetly.)J |
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Feedback : |
desperately needed, if I have to beg I will. Honesty, greatly respected. Flaming accepted, although it burns I think I can take it. (Silent plea: ~ Be gentle) |
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Author's Note : |
We all know this fic is not true. Humour me, just a little thinking. WHAT?! WERE YOU EXPECTING A PLOT?!! Ha! I’d like to thank Joey, my beta. And all those who inspired me to write (that includes my busy beta) |
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********************** “Leave Major Carter right now” I give her…it a stern look…hoping against hope that my red rimmed eyes, from the hours of crying, or the catch in my voice do not betray me. It seems to work she…*it* looks almost frightened. It pushes away the bed covers and makes a run. “Let her go!” We follow. Where is it going…. back into that memory thing?…as soon as its in there I’ll destroy it. Sam shouldn’t have to go through this again. ////flash//// A memory of Sam behind bars, but yet not Sam. Jolinar. ////end flash//// Concentrate Jack…..Ok we got *it* cornered. What’s it doing. What the hells coming out of her hands. No. I bite my lip. Raise the Zat, and fire. It hits her. But its like she just absorbs it. She…no *it* looks at me. It stares into my eyes….reminding me it has control, reminding me I can’t do anything. It knows….is there anyone who doesn’t know. The general even knows. I care about her…a lot….I think I lo….I can’t Zap it again, it might kill her but if it gets into our computers. Oh god. Sam. I raise the zat. Sam…..It still stares at me…..the light pulsating from her fingers…..Sam ////flash//// “Where’s he transferring form?” “*She* is transferring from the pentagon” God, She’s beautiful. “I take it you’re Colonel O’Neill. Captain Samantha Carter reporting.” ////flash//// “Captain?” “Don’t worry sir….I won’t let you down” “Good…..I was going to say ladies first.” “U know u really will like me once you get to know me” “Oh I adore you already. ” I did. ////flash//// “I’m not an Anthropologist” “You are Today” ////flash//// “I can’t move. I can’t walk” “I don’t know it kind of works for me.” ////end flash//// I can’t do it. The general was right. I have to do it. Oh God. Why doesn’t it just stop. It still stares. How long have we been stood here. Just fire Jack ////flash//// “Good job” That smile ////flash//// She’s upset, she has to take cassie down the lift. She should have let me do it ////end flash//// Fire Jack!# ////flash//// “Jack! we got to get out of here” “Carter! Carter” “Oh god, sir we left him behind” “I know. I know. We’re going back” It felt so good to hold her. ////end flash//// Damn it Jack just do it ////flash//// Ice. Cold. Sam. “Colonel?” “Its my sidearm I swear” I love to make her laugh ////end flash//// For crying out loud! ////flash//// “Let me get this straight………engaged?!!” ////end flash//// Please Sam. Forgive me. I beg you. I fire, barely holding back the tears. She falls the life torn from her body. OH GOD. What have I done. Sam. Don’t look at me like that Janet. ////flash//// The first time she kissed me. “Carter...err…sorry didn’t know you were in here” Then she grabbed me and kissed me. And although I deny it. I know I kissed back, but it was wrong. “wow. Wait, what the hells going on?” “I want you!” ////flash//// In a dark room. Thinking of Sam. Just b4 I went to interrogate Jolinar. ////flash//// “Oh God, he's telling you the truth! Please, Jack, no Jack, please, Don’t leave me, please, give me a chance! Don't leave me like this! Jack!! Please!” ////end flash//// I left her. She called out and I left her. Sam!!! I failed her then. And I failed her now. Sam. Why didn’t I tell her? ////flash//// “Carter” “Jack” “Shhshh” “I thought you were Dead.” ////flash//// “Colonel…what happened”? “Oh god” I pulled her into a hug. I thought I’d lost her forever. Why didn’t I Tell her. ////end flash//// She’s lying on the bed, so many tubes, someone’s coming. Janet. “Still no change.” That is definitely not what I want to hear. God what have I done? I don’t think I could live with out her. “I don’t know if she ever told you this, colonel, but Sam made a living will. No extra ordinary means.” “Yeah, she told me” I remember. It was after Jolinar. “There’s no brain activity of any kind, no sign of either Sam or the entity” I can hear the catch in Janet’s voice. I look up at Sam. Why? “she’s being kept entirely alive on life support…..I think its time to let her go sir.” But don’t you see Janet I can’t. I can’t let her go. I can’t live with out her. “Give it a minute will ya…..yeah a minute” I know I’m buying time. ////flash//// I walked in wanted to know whether she was coming fishing or not. She was looking through a magnifying glass I put my face up to the glass, it made her smile. I’d do anything to see that smile again. “What ya doing'?” (Still smiling)”They salvaged a couple of replicator pieces from the ocean, I thought I'd take a look.” ////flash//// “Colonel ...” she was being stopped by MP's, I turned, bit my lip. Her face filled with anguish and confusion….why didn’t she understand I was doing this for her. ////flash//// “Sir...” “I know! I know!” I couldn’t leave her! ////flash//// “Sir! Just go!” she was crying. So was I. “NO!!!!!!!!!!!!” I couldn’t. ////end flash//// I look back at her. She looks so peaceful. Why didn’t I tell her?! ////flash//// I tried to touch her. Just fingertips, but the forcefeild stopped me. “Sam” I stared into her eyes. She had a pleading look in her eyes. She cocked her head to the side with the pleading look. Didn’t she understand! I was confused I could hear Jaffa-steps in the background. The Jaffa appeared. ////flash//// “Because I care about her ...” we made eye contact! “A lot more than I'm supposed to.” But it’s so much more now. ////flash//// “Carter ...” “Sir ... None of this has to leave this room.” I was Confused & kind of disappointed. “We're OK with that?” Just like me go with the flow “Yes, Sir.” But I wanted her to say no. I wasn’t ok with it. Why didn’t I say something. ////flash//// “Resigning what for?” “So I can do this” It felt so good to kiss her like that. If only she remembered. That’s when I realised…… ////end flash//// I realized I loved her. And I never told her. I should have told her. I still love her. I love you Sam. ******************** She’s alive, she was in the memory mainframe. I haven’t been to see her since. I shot her, she probably hates me. Oh god Sam. I’m going to tell you. One day. And if you don’t feel the same that’s ok. As long as I tell you. I LOVE YOU! *** The End. |
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