"Fan Fiction" by Xandria Blake

Title: Fan Fiction.

Author: Xandria

Category: Romance, humor, smut. S/J

Spoilers: brief candle but too small to count.

Season/Sequel info: 3rd only because Sam is a major

Rating: NC-17

Content Warnings: Graphic Sex.

Summary: SG1 has to write a fan fiction about JAG for a contest between O'Neill and Makepeace.

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.

Author note: Let me know what you think. And if you want it to have a sequel. Thanks to those sg-13's who read my story for me. You know who you are.

Fan Fiction.

Jack pulled himself up to his full height and gave Makepeace his scariest glare known to cause enlisted men and officers alike to quake in their boots.

Makepeace looked a little uncomfortable but was not known for backing down from a challenge. "Scared of a little friendly competition."

With Makepeace involved it should be adjusted to fiendly competition. Daniel thought as he stood with the rest of sg1 and Dr Fraiser. What is he getting us into now.

Major Carter was thinking the same thing remembering the paint ball incident that sent nearly everyone to the infirmary on that one. Even Teal'c after getting paint in his Jaffa pouch. His symbioent was blue for a week.

"My people are the best. We can take anything you throw at us." Jack said cursing himself. How do I get myself into these situations?

"Oh no, you two don't!" Dr Fraiser said. "I don't want anymore patients. Hammond nearly threw a fit last time."

"Alright Doctor. We'll keep it non contact."

"What did you have in mind." Dr Fraiser asked taking the unwanted task of being referee. "It has to be something that wont end up in a fight."

"How about a writing contest." Daniel volunteered hoping to steer it to something he was good at.

Makepeace and O'Neill just stared at him but before either of them could object Dr. Fraiser agreed to it."

"Yes! That should keep you out of trouble." She said with a grin.

"So Makepeace what do you say?" Jack smiled thinking it might not be a bad idea.

With the paint ball fiasco being called a draw and with Daniel's and Carter's brains they just might put the odds in their favor.

"Alright but we pick the topic." Makepeace agreed as he stepped back to confer with his team.

Makepeace returned to Jack with an evil laugh. "Ok but if you don't agree to our choice we win."

Not liking this Jack reluctantly agreed.

"Alright the team that writes the most erotic Fan fiction wins. We pick X-files."

"What the hell is Fan fiction?" Jack said preventing Teal'c from asking.

One of Makepeace's team explained. "Oh it's when you write your own story about your favorite TV show."

"Why would anyone want to do that?" Teal'c asked.

"For Amusement." Janet explained.

Teal'c still not seeing the point of it chose to remain silent.

"So who ever writes the dirtiest story wins." Makepeace declared. "You can choose any show you want except X-files."

Great! Daniel thought. The last time he watched TV was a documentary and that was ages ago.

"Sam looks like you have to pick the show."

"How about JAG? I can lend you my tapes." Janet helped.

"Yeah that's one of the few shows I actually watch." Sam agreed.

"Agreed." Jack said. Maybe all that fantasizing about Sam would pay off.

After Janet agreed to find some volunteers to be judges Makepeace stated the rules. "Points will be divided up in three ways; Shock value, kinkyness and tastefulness."

It was agreed it must have a plot which was Janet's idea since she was going to make sure the judges would be of equal sex. Plus she wanted to see what they would do with JAG and X-files.

Since both team are on leave for this weekend Monday was the deadline.

"Ok give me your stories by Monday and I have them judged. Don't put your name on it. Were going to keep this fair." Janet declared. They were to tell no one which show they picked.

News of the contest traveled fast providing Janet with many volunteers. After picking twelve judges choosing those who had little to no ties to either team. Leaving many disappointed but they cheered up after she told them that everyone who wants one will get a copy both stories after the contest.

"Dr. Fraiser, What's this about another competition between O'Neill and Makepeace." General Hammond asked.

"I had to stop them from killing each other so I made them come up with a non combative competition." Janet told him after briefing him on the contest.

"Ok. good work!" He turned to leave but stopped. "You will make sure I get a copy with their names on it."

"Yes, Sir." Janet agreed.

"Look what have you gotten us into now, Jack." Daniel whined.

"Hey, the writing contest was your idea." He reminded Daniel receiving a glare from him.

"O'Neill, I do not understand the point of this." Teal'c stated.

"The point is to keep us out of the infirmary. I'm tired of counting the tiles in the ceiling. There's four hundred and seven you know." Daniel stated.

Four hundred and twenty three.. You're forgetting Janet's office." Sam corrected.

"See! We really don't need to know that!" Daniel exclaimed.

"Oh quite your belly aching, Daniel." Jack ordered.

"Are you unwell Daniel Jackson?"

"Ok grab your gear. You're staying at my place this weekend." Jack stated. "we can use my computer."

"You own a computer?" Sam asked a little shocked.

"Yeah! It's in my bedroom. Makes a great clothing hanger." Jack quipped.

After stopping to get beer and a bottle of mudslide that Teal'c had found interesting they headed towards Jack's.

"You drink this?" he had asked examining the contents of the bottle.

"It's not mud its Kahlua and chocolate milk." Jack explained for the third time beginning to regret buying the drink for him.

Daniel caught Sam's eye and she nudged Teal'c.

"How much further, Jack." Daniel asked.

"Huh?" Jack responded.

"Are we there yet." Sam whined in a perfect imitation of a five year old.

"Ha ha ha. You guys." Jack joked.

"O'Neill, Daniel's looking at me."

"What? Why?" Missing the joke.

Sam whispered to Teal'c. "O'Neil, Major Carter is bugging me." Teal'c whined.

"Carter! Oh very funny. Not a good idea to pester the driver." Looking back he saw Sam having a laughing fit.

"Hey no giggling." Jack laughed himself causing Sam to laugh harder falling against Teal'c.

"Jack you don't tell someone who's having a laughing fit to stop. it makes it worse." Daniel said as wondered if Sam was getting enough oxygen.

"You should have seen your face, Jack." Sam explained wiping away tears of laughter.

"Oh this is going to be a fun weekend." Jack drawled.

They had just finished eating the pizza they picked up on the way home and had just entered Jack's bedroom after watching the tapes Janet gave them.

"You have a computer in here?" Sam asked seeing nothing but various mounds of junk.

Jack strolled over to a large pile of laundry and threw it in the corner unburying the computer.

"Why am I reminded of a archeological dig?" Daniel quipped.

They had brought in four chairs from the dining room since the chair that belonged to the desk was still missing. probably under the mound of hockey gear.

Daniel positioned himself at the keyboard setting things up. "Ok where shall we begin?"

"Hey someone grab the tapes and we'll play them in here. For inspiration." Gesturing to the TV surrounded by various junk.

Sam returned with the tapes and took out the tape already inside. Seeing the title of the tape Sam ignored the blush to her face and handed it to Jack.

"Sorry forgot that was in there." Jack stated and threw it in a drawer with more tapes.

"More inspiration?" Sam smiled when that she actually caused Jack to blush.

"Well we can watch those as well." Jack offered.

"Later Jack. lets get started. What first?" He interrupted them. Watching porn with Sam just seemed too weird. Definitely need another beer.

"Well obviously Harm and Mac are...." Sam said.

"Going to get laid?" Jack joked.

"Well yeah but we need a plot." Sam stated.

"Hey! How do you go for shock value, Kinkyness and tastefulness in the same story?" Jack asked.

"Perhaps they go undercover to investigate something."

"Good idea, Sam. How about the porn industry?" Jack said thinking that this could be fun. He wanted to see how she would react to watching one of his tapes..

"Why would Navy jag lawyers be investigating the porn industry?" Sam asked thinking it didn't make sense but not dismissing it.

"They are searching for someone?" Teal'c offered trying to be helpful.

"Yeah. How about Harms sister disappears and a video turned up with her in it?"

"Good idea. Does harm have a sister?" Daniel asked.

"Who cares." Replied Jack. "He does now."

"No we should make it Mac's sister. She needs a good reason to be doing this. Helping your partner only goes so far."

"Done." Daniel agreed.

"Here's what we have so far." Daniel read to them. "After the video with Mac's sister surfaced, it led them to a studio in California. Harm offers to help Mac find her and they are pretending to be a couple of wanna be porn stars to infiltrate the place."

"Somehow I don't think the producers of the show will want to make our story into an episode." Jack joked.

"Are we going to have them make a video?" Sam asked.

"Why not. we need shock value. Think fans of jag will like this." Daniel asked thinking about the judges."

"If their harm and Mac shippers they might." Sam said.

"Yeah that whole unresolved sexual tension thing." Jack added.

"Hmm then lets prolong the agony a bit." Sam replied.

"Perhaps Mac and Harm could take their clothes off." Teal'c tried to help still not sure why they were doing this. These Tau'ri were strange people indeed.

"Yeah. They should get picked to do a movie and their first scene Mac has to do a strip show for harm and take his clothes off." Sam said getting into the task. Yep too many beers. She thought as she took another sip.

"Yeah. With some lap dancing." Jack agreed impressed with how cool Sam was. She even stopped blushing.

"What is lap dancing?" Teal'c asked thinking if someone told him while he was the first prime of Apophis that he would be doing something this...weird. He would have shot them thinking they were crazy.

"Want to show him, Sam?" Jack said patting his leg.

"Maybe later. Just don't hold your breath waiting for it." Sam quipped making Jack roar with laughter. She was oddly pleased that he asked her to. This must be making me horny. She thought. Of course just being in Jacks bedroom was arousing.

"I can wait." Jack stated with a intense look shocked that she didn't slap him.

"Guys I need a break. Lets play some cards or something." Daniel said.

"Ok what's next. we have the strip show, Mac beating the guts out of those rapists, and then Harm getting slipped that drug that made him limbious." Sam stated later that night.

"Yeah, extract of Hathor." Daniel said creeping himself out. "Yeah, let's leave that part out."

"So harm got laid and he doesn't even remember it. poor guy." Jack sympathized.

"This doesn't seem to shocking to me. We have to beat Makepeace."

After thinking a bit Sam says. "What if their cover is blown and the villain makes them do each other."

"Sam you have a dirty mind. I like it." Jack flirted.

"Ok this is probably sick but what if that Admiral or that Brumby guy comes to rescue them but gets forced to join them." Daniel said.

"Sick but shocking. Make it the admiral that Brumby guy gives me the creeps." Sam said.

"Let me type now. Sam switch spots with me." Daniel said getting off the bed since Jack was now sprawled out on two of the chairs.

Oh god. Sam's lying on my bed. down boy! he ordered himself as Sam lay down on her stomach using a pillow to hold herself up.

As Daniel typed furiously at the keyboard as Jack went up to get them more beers. Only when he returned he sat on the bed instead of the chairs when he returned. Jack handed Sam her beer hoping she wouldn't get up. He had her on his bed. he just wished he had her on his bed.

As Daniel read them what he had written Jack pressed his luck placing a pillow against Sam's back and leaned against her.

"What? I'm furniture now?" Sam drawled.

"Yeah. Comfy." He replied.

"Who's the villain for the story." Sam said trying to ignore the fact that she and jack were on his bed.

"Mayborne."

"Ewww yuck. Let's not go there." Sam said as made puking sounds.

"Hey I got something." Daniel turned and began typing again.

"Hey guys..." Daniel started when he noticed both Sam and Jack were asleep. Looking at his watch he found it was two am.

After turning off the computer Daniel and Teal'c left the room closing the door behind them. Which wasn't easy considering all the junk Jack had.

Sam was still half asleep. She felt wonderful. She snuggled closer to the arms that was wrapped around her stroking her back.

Sam opened her eyes to find Jack was staring at her. A look of hunger and desire in his eyes. His body pressed tightly against her. This was dangerous. she thought as she returned his gaze.

Lifting her chin so their faces were almost touching she continued to stare into his chocolate brown eyes.

"Your eyes turned a greenish blue." Jack told her.

"They do that." She whispered as she wet her dry lips.

"Why?" The warmth of his breath sending shivers through her..

"They do that when I'm turned on." She confessed causing Jack to close the distance between their lips.

Neither of them cared that Daniel and Teal'c Were some where in the house and could hear Sam soft moaning as Jack made hot passionate love to her. Nor did they care that they could hear Jack scream Sam's name as he came into her mouth. Or the fact that it went on all night with hardly a break between.

Luckily for Daniel he slept through most of it. About time! he thought when the pounding of the headboard against the wall woke him up.

My god is he killing her? He thought with a chuckle hearing Sam's cries of passion. Grabbing a pillow he drifted back to sleep.

Sam lay on Jack's chest admiring him. Although he was asleep he was still inside her and she didn't want to break the connection.

She lay her head back on his shoulder enjoying thee warmth of his body. He looked so peaceful. Even rip roaring drunk she could tell he was never relaxed and if the situation called for it he could sober instantly.

She looked up again just to make sure this wasn't another incredible dream. Smiling she noticed that Jack had a sweet smile on his face. She's never seen him this relaxed. She knew it wasn't a after sex thing because she had seen him after… No she wouldn't go there. She thought shaking her head causing Jack to start moving his hips.

Very slowly she felt him slide within her. Falling against him she reveled in the delightful feelings he caused with in her. She had never come so hard in her life.

She had begun to believe that sex just wasn't worth all the trouble she had been but through. Of course she'd never had a lover as good as Jack. Who fit her perfectly. Well maybe a little too big but she wasn't complaining.

"Oh Sam" Jack whispered. "I could spend the rest of my life loving you and not have enough."

Sam looked up into his dark smoky eyes as he gently thrust inside her. Grabbing her hands he twirled them over so Jack was now on top never loosing the contact.

With a devilish glint in his eyes he pulled Sam's legs over his shoulders causing her to cry out in ecstasy.

Did she say that Jack was good. He was unbelievably fabulous. Some moments she was not sure she was even conscious. She could only feel.

Teal'c looked up from his meditating which was becoming hard to do with the racket coming from jacks bedroom. Looking at the clock he saw that it was now nine am. It had been going on for hours. Impressed with his friends stamina he returned to his meditating.

Daniel woke up again and looked at the clock. There still at it! Noticing his bodies reaction to the noise he closed his eyes, thinking of Sha're as his hand slipped down his body.

Jack looked at Sam staring at the wall panting and smiled. Wow! I've never made a woman do that before.

"Sam, sweetie." He said lovingly. "You didn't think we were done did you."

"Jack." Sam's eyes flew to Jack unbelieving he still wanted her.

"What to sleep or ride me?" Jack asked as he sat on one of the kitchen chairs and patted his lap."

"I guess I could sleep later." Sam said as she straddled his legs on the chair.

"Hold on tight. The roller coaster is about to start." Jack said as he made Sam fall back and forth at an incredible rhythm. When they were done Jack carried an unconscious Sam to bed and fell asleep beside her.

"Good morning." Jack said searching her eyes for regret and finding none.

"Morning." Sam smiled and kissed him.

"We broke my head board." Nodding to what was left of it.

"It was fun." Sam said playfully as she kissed him again.

"Hey guys! Lunch is ready!" Daniel yelled. They would have left this morning but Jack had locked the deadbolt and the key was on the computer.

Jack let his head rest against Sam's neck as he whispered. "I forgot they were here."

"Me too." Sam turned a bright shade of red. "Think they heard us."

"I'd be surprised if they didn't. I think I'm going deaf." Jack joked.

Having turned a bright shade of red they got dressed and hurried out to the kitchen.

"How did your research go? Any good ideas for the story?" Daniel teased as he handed them a plate.

"Were not going to hear the end of this are we." Jack said with a groan.

Thinking for a moment Daniel stated with a wicked grin. "Probably not."

It was a very happy and tired Sam and Jack who took the copies of the story to Janet. It would be a day before they knew who won.

"So how did it go this weekend?" Janet asked her friend after Jack had left for his office.

"Very good actually." Sam told her with a private smile.

"Weren't your eyes blue? There a deep green now."

"Oh they do that sometimes." Sam tried to dismiss her question. Janet pulled Sam into her office and closed the door.

"You slept with him, didn't you?" Janet questioned.

Shocked that she could tell. "Is it that obvious?" Sam said suddenly worried.

"No, I know you too well. Plus I saw the way he looked at you. So how was it?" Janet's eyes widened as Sam confided to her friend.

"A tie? Janet please say your joking." Daniel pleaded after hearing the news.

"Ok, O'Neill we need a tie breaker." Not accepting another draw.

"Another story?" Jack offered amicably no longer needing a fight to get rid of his unresolved sexual tension.

"Fine." Makepeace agreed causing Daniel to groan. I hope they can handle this one on their own.

"But we add each add another person to the team. We'll take Lt. Simmons." He demanded since he found out Simmons ran his own Fiction archive.

"Alright We'll take Fraiser." Jack replied.

"Hey! I'm the referee!" Janet protested.

"That's ok Dr Fraiser. I'll take over that duty." General Hammond told her.

"Uh… Yes sir." She replied.

I guess you never know who likes fan fiction. Everyone thought.

The end for now…