"One Little Foible" By Jojo

Title: One Little Foible

Author: Jojo

Rating: PG

Summary: Slime. Season 3.

Archive: SJD yes!

Spoilers: Not really any. Season 3-ish. Probably after 100 Days.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognised characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

A/N: This is all Emry's fault. She requested slime. Blame Emry. Oh, and she beta-ed it too, so any mistakes are also her fault . Kidding, kidding. Hi Emry! Thank you!

Status: Complete

Sam had been a pure tomboy until she'd hit puberty and after then she had tomboy-ish tendencies. Even today, she still liked to climb trees. She could shoot pool like a professional shark, she could drink several male friends under the table and she fixed motorbikes in her spare time.

Then again, there was a side of her that liked wearing nice, feminine clothes, so long as they were comfortable. She liked floaty skirts with pretty patterns. She liked the twin-sets, the color 'baby-blue'. Sometimes she wore pink. She was all for jewellery so long as it didn't jingle when she moved or catch on things. But there was a time and a place for those things and work wasn't one of them. She liked to clearly separate girlie Samantha from Major Sam.

And usually she did that pretty successfully.

It was just...

Ew.

Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, *ew*.

"It's slime," she said one more time, trying to get her emphasis across to the rest of her team who were all looking at her like she'd just sprouted another damn head.

She was feeling picked on and she didn't like it.

"Carter," the Colonel plucked off his sunglasses, a small smile on his face, "it's not like it's gonna hurt you."

Didn't they see...? Couldn't they...?

It was slime, dammit, and she wasn't going in it.

The way it oozed past, a thick river of slowly moving, greenish-vomit-yellow, gently bubbling, slickly sliding...

God.

*Shudder*

Yuck, yuck, *yuck*.

"Sam?" Daniel said gently, frowning intently, his eyebrows trying to hide under the rim of his glasses. "I mean, the only other way across is several, ah, clicks," he smiled triumphantly at the Colonel as he delivered this particular piece of military language, "down the river bank. If we cross here, the narrowest part, it'll save us a lot of time."

It was *slime!*

Oh God, was she being ridiculous? Clearly, since she was the only one truly repulsed about the idea. Teal'c viewed the whole matter as simply an effective means to get across the river of slime, the Colonel saw it as a way to get across, get the damned UAV and get back again in time for the Simpsons, and Daniel... well, God knew what Daniel really thought. Maybe he thought it was a bit of fun.

She just didn't want any slime to touch any part of her body, clothed or not, ever, at all, in any way whatsoever.

That wasn't so difficult, was it?

So they had to walk a little further. And then, walk back along the bank to get back on the right track and when they finally got the UAV, walk back to the crossing point, then back along the...

Shit. She was going to have to go through the slime, wasn't she?

Firming her chin, she nodded. "It's fine. Sorry, sir," she said, contritely, looking at the ground.

"That's okay, Carter. Everyone's allowed an unusual," he paused, "... foible."

Foible?

She narrowed her eyes.

Okay, now he was making fun of her.

The bastard.

She'd truly never known she had a slime complex before. She hated the stuff people got for kids - those cans of slime, the stuff that her nephew loved to run through his fingers and ruin his mom's carpets with. But she'd never really thought about it. Everyone seemed to hate slime. The adults, at least. Helen, Mark's wife, loathed it because it went everywhere and never came out again. Janet loathed it because at one of Cassie's parties the two boys who'd been invited had shoved it in the girls' hair and rendered them hysterical.

Sam loathed it... because now she had to wade through it.

Why the hell was this planet leaking slime anyway? Of all the worst damn luck.

"Teal'c, after you," the Colonel said, generously giving Teal'c the head start with a smile and a courtly wave of his hand.

Teal'c bowed in acceptance and just walked into the slime.

Sam's eyes widened helplessly as she watched the slime seemingly suck Teal'c in, slurping around his legs, sliming up his pants, clinging to him, going higher and higher and higher...

"Sam," Daniel whispered, looking at her worriedly, "you're not going to faint are you?"

"No!" she exclaimed, then lowered her tone when the Colonel swiftly glanced at the two of them before returning to keep an eye on Teal'c. "No, no. No. I'm fine. Just... feeling... well, the truth is..."

Just what exactly was the truth? She had a sudden irrational fear of slime? What kind of a loser was afraid of slime?

She would deal with this. She would ignore her fear. She would walk through the slime.

Teal'c was about halfway through the slime, which had just about reached his waist. Which would put it at about mid-stomach for Sam, she thought, mentally recoiling at the very idea.

"Carter, you next."

"Can't I go after Daniel?" she asked helplessly.

Dammit!

The Colonel gave her a very strange look. So did Daniel.

Dammit again!

Suddenly, she was really itchy.

"Ok-ay," the Colonel said, enunciating the word slowly, musing over his 2ICs sudden bizarreness. Shrugging, he pushed his sunglasses back on. "Daniel, you next, then."

Sam gave Daniel a helplessly pained looked, which he widened his eyes at but otherwise he followed the Colonel's orders. Unlike Teal'c, he chose to strip off his shirt and bundle it up into his pack, then heaved the pack up onto his shoulders.

"The things I do for my planet," Daniel muttered, putting one foot in. The squelch made Sam's eye twitch. "It's really not so bad, Sam."

Oh yeah. Sure. Like she'd believe a word he said. The idiot was tramping through several feet of moving glutinous, gelatinous, lots of words ending with 'ous', slime. The freak.

Sam folded her arms over her chest, chewing on her bottom lip intently as she watched Daniel wade his way through, talking to himself as he did so.

She decided she really didn't like the way it rippled. It was somehow ominous.

"Carter?"

Walking slowly forward, she fiddled with the straps on her pack.

Just then, as the moment dawned for Sam to start her way through the slime, Daniel slipped. "Wahhh!"

*Splat*

"Daniel!" the Colonel yelled out automatically, his voice filled with harsh concern.

The young man struggled up, holding the thankfully un-slimed pack above him protectively. He was dripping slime from his hair, face, ears, glasses... everywhere. "I'm okay!" he said, waving blindly in their general direction but actually aiming at a trio of interwoven native trees.

Daniel spat slime out of his mouth and coughed a couple of times. "Man, that tastes *foul*. And suspiciously like... frog spawn."

Really itchy. Suddenly, she was really itchy. Oh God, it was in his hair and everything. It was even in his ears, judging from the way he was twitching his head from side to side.

In his ears... oh.... crap.

"Wipe your glasses off you.... gah!" the Colonel exclaimed in exasperation, apparently unable to find a word suitable enough to shout at Daniel. "And get over to the other side. Wash out your face and take some antibiotics straight away." He turned away from the river of slime to her and muttered, "God. He will one day drive me completely...."

Colonel O'Neill finally had a good look at her.

"How about we try something new, Major? You can hop on my back and we'll walk across that way."

She would have kissed him. In fact, there was nothing more she would like. But she knew she had to say no.

"It's fine, Colonel."

"Sure. Okay." He gestured to the river. "Off you go. Don't slip. Don't worry about the noise. The heavy sliding of thick, gooey against your... "

She spun around. He was grinning.

If he was grinning, that surely meant he wasn't disappointed.

"Okay, carry me," she said decisively.

"Sure thing. Teal'c! Get over here and take my pack. The Major and I are gonna try an experiment."

Teal'c rose from where he was assisting in cleaning Daniel and easily jumped back into the slime. He made swift work of the river, clearly not having any 'ick' problems whatsoever.

"Thanks, Teal'c," Sam said with relief.

He smiled at her very, very slightly. In Teal'c terms that was almost a full-blown grin.

"I'm going to get in here," the Colonel explained, taking off his precious sunglasses and slipping them into a vest pocket. "You go and wait on that ledge so you can get on my back from a suitable height. No offence, Major, but if we try this on land I'm going to fall over."

"No offence taken, sir." Seriously, if this worked, she was never going to take offence at anything he did ever again.

He could sleep with whoever he liked off-world and she wouldn't care.

Okay, maybe the slime saving wouldn't quite cover that, but it was close.

The Colonel squelched into the slime, raised his hands to the sides for balance, and walked over to the bank. He patted the grass. "Come on, Carter."

Jerking out of her appalled daze, she hurried over to him and slid down so her legs were over the edge of the bank. He turned his back to her and got himself as close to the bank as he possibly could, taking hold of her ankles and tugging her encouragingly forwards.

Any other circumstances, she thought as she shuffled forward, her arms going around his neck, and she'd really be enjoying this.

"Ready?"

"Uh-huh," she said nervously. After all, it had been some time since anyone had given her a piggyback.

"Carter, after this, you've really gotta explain this complex to me."

"Since I don't understand it myself, sir..."

"Don't suppose you've ever come across..." He paused and lifted her off of the bank. He grunted and then shifted her, jiggling her onto his back until she was higher up. "Don't suppose you've ever come across a river of slime before."

"I didn't know until right this moment just how much...." She shifted her legs slightly, afraid that her feet were going to trail in the river. "... I hated the stuff."

"I'll admit it's not the most...." He halted his careful steps forward suddenly. "Carter, move your foot."

"Which one?" She leaned forward to see and he yelped. Quickly, putting more weight on his shoulders to do so, she moved her feet. "Better?"

He let out a breath. "Yeah. This is so much easier with kids."

"Would you like me to pull your hair?"

Her CO chuckled and it vibrated against her stomach, pressed against his back. "That's sweet of you to offer, Carter..."

She rested her chin on his shoulder. "Thanks, sir."

"Hell, anything for my team."

Sam smiled. "Of course, sir."

She would have liked to tell him his hair smelt nice, but it probably wasn't a good idea.

"What the..." He stopped abruptly. Wobbled.

"Sir?" she whispered, clinging to him desperately.

"Nothing, nothing. Just... something unsteady under my feet."

Sam swallowed.

"Don't move," he said softly.

She was barely breathing.

They wobbled again.

Something slurped. Ominously.

"Uh oh."

"Uh oh?" she repeated in a tiny voice.

"I'm sorry, Sam."

"Why are you......... argggggghhhhh!"