TITLE: Defenseless II
AUTHOR: Jennifer Renner
EMAIL: jr_moon2001@yahoo.de
RATING: R, violence, dispair, SJ -Jacks POV, HC
ARCHIVE: SJ yes, Heliopolis yes, my side, all others please ask me
CONTENT WARNINGS: well..it started angsty and then got cruel.don't know what happened here.one of them dies.I guess
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognised characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Oh, and don't own the wonderful and haunting novel "Blonde" either.
SPOILERS: well Daniel was mentioned to be alive so I guess season 7 (but be warned, haven't seen much of season 6 yet)
STATUS: last part. Sequel 'Defenseless' can be found at my side (http://twocouples.topcities.com ), Helio or I could mail it if needed
SUMMARY: Sam makes a sacrifice- her life- and Jack tries to rescue her but pays for it -with his-
AUTHORS NOTES: This time Jack's POV. I had to write it after I finished part 1. I needed a happy ending- of some sort. And on request I tried to insert a little bit more background info. And thanks again for the wonderful response on part 1.
FEEDBACK: Would be honoured, printed, framed and pinned at the feedback wall!
THANKS: As ever Sam23 for betaing. Just three weeks left!!! And Jemma..I wish you time to relax!
© Jennifer Renner 2003
~Defenseless II~
I'll find her. No matter what it takes no matter how I hurt. Can it be even worse?
I tried to stop her, told her not to go, even ordered her, but she wouldn't listen. She left me behind without hesitating, it seemed. But I know why she did it. I understand it, because I would have done it for the same reason. Being the one left behind, the one witnessing is far worse than dying.
That's why I'm here on a planet of which I never learned the name. My knees are killing me but the pain is nothing compared to the loss I feel. And fear. For all I know she might be dead. I've seen people die within a second in this place. I hardly escaped death myself.
They use me as a thing. Put me into various locations, employ me in all sorts of physical work. But I toil as hard as possible so that they want to employ me further. The more jobs I accomplish, the more I get transferred and the more places I can search for her.
Once I almost found her. Obviously there aren't many women here, so Carter must cause quite an uproar wherever she is. One guy said he'd know her. He pointed to another guy standing far off with obviously a badly hurt arm and face. Then he told me that Carter beat the crap out of that -as he put it- poor soul as he tried to rape her. I barely resited the impulse to first kill the piece of shit in front of me and then Carter's attacker. But I didn 't do it for reasons I fought hard to believe. First, that I would never find her again if I did kill someone, because I'd also be dead in a minute. Second, she probably is fine, from what the guy looks like. She just has to be. Or I'll never forgive myself.
**
Another location. A mine this time. Something new. I've been here at this place for almost a week now. I lost count however when I arrived on this planet. Slowly, I begin to realise how little chances are of ever finding her. I can't call my existence on this planet living. It's just being. I go to work just to search her. I go home, just to look in the streets for her. Then I go up into my room, for an hour or two when I can be sure there won't be anybody on the streets anymore. I try to sleep then but I can't because her face haunts me, as she tells me she'll go. And I order her not to. And as they come to get her, and as she still didn't manage to convince me that it was pretty logical for her to surrender she just says she's sorry and leaves. She doesn't fight. Doesn't look back. Just leaves. I can hear Daniel mutter my name, can see him and Teal'c run with me after them to the door but we are too late. She's gone. Daniel's eyes mirror my fear. My fear she's lost forever.
I still don't comprehend how this mission went so wrong. The inhabitans of P6Z-924 were so friendly and forthcoming I should have suspected *something*. How could we have known that they paid for their peace with the delivery of slaves for 'them'. For 'those' who appeared after one week, after we became allies with P6Z-924's inhabitans. 'Those' who talked briefly with the chief of the people and managed to overpower us. 'Those' who wanted Carter. And got her. Leaving her only one choice: Go with them or watch us all die. I never learned 'their' name. I wonder if they have a name at all.
So I mostly sit up and stare out into the night because I know she's somewhere out there.
*
I don't want to believe him. His name is Taran and he tells me he knows Carter. She works in Tunnel B, he says. At the machines there.
I don't think but make my way to said tunnel. Slowly, because I don't want to attract too much attention. The minutes pass like hours and I feel I'm going insane. I can see the outlines of the machines in the dim light. Someone's moving in front of them. The person is tall and slim. And has hair reaching down to her chin. Could it be her? I don't dare to breathe, don't dare to move but I must. I must know if it's her. So I slowly approach the figure. The woman is now leaning against the wall. She doesn't hear me coming and I stop thinking. I grab her and whirl her around.
And look into the face of my 2IC. I stare at her and my fingers dig into her shoulders. She doesn't recognize who I am. She's tense and alarmed. I try to say something, tell her it's me and we're going home. But the words won't come out. So I drag her into my arms and hold her tight. I wish I could slip inside of her skin, I need her so much. I guess I never needed her more than this very moment. Finally I'm able to speak. I tell her it's going to be okay. I just talk.
But suddenly she pushes away and runs. I try to hold her back but she flees like a hunted animal. I shout her name but she won't listen. She's gone.
I'm left in an even darker tunnel. I'm lost. I never imagined she would react that way. What have they done to her?
**
After one night which wouldn't seem to go by I'm back at the place Carter fled from me. I am waiting for two hours and I'm almost sure she won't turn up as I feel movement in the entrance. There she is. She stands and observes me like a frightened child. I understand her. I'm afraid myself. I'm afraid of the truths I buried so deep in my unconsciousness. I'm afraid of my feelings for her because since I found her I seem to be dependant on her, more than ever. She's my cure for all past sufferings. I need her.
I slowly stand up and she approaches me. Judging from her movements she's tired, exhausted but who wouldn't be? Finally she reaches me and halts in a little distance. I walk on and hold out my hand. I can't understand how I can love someone so deeply as I love this woman. She shakes her head. I know, Carter. It hurts. It's okay. I'll take it away. She now let's me hold her. I caress her back and murmur words of comfort, for her sake as well as for mine. Her hand entangles with my hair and she tightens our embrace. She tells me she's sorry. "Don't be, Carter. It's okay. Shhh. I'm here."
And I'll never go away.
**
The hours pass too slowly. But after all, my shift's over and I go home as inconspicious as possible. I know very well about Big Brother watching me. They turned it to an art. In my rotten room I try to get the sweat and dirt off my body. I don't have a mirror but I have a pretty good idea what I look like. My face is stubbly and my hair a mess. Even more than ever. But I can' t change it so I just leave to visit Carter. The streets are crowded with people. Most shifts end within this hour and I make my way undetected. I slip into the building she's living in and go up the stairs. Second floor, fourth door on the left. I knock. I'm nervous.
She opens the door almost before I stopped knocking. She smiles at me but she doesn't seem to notice. Her eyes speak with mine. Like they always did. I mentally gather myself together and try to think as her Colonel. Our survival depends on our military training. Now more than ever.
I enter her room and as she closes the door behind me and walks the few steps over to the bed I'm more than aware of the narrowness of her accomodation. She sits on the mattress, her eyes fixed on me and obviously expects me to do something. Probably to sit down. I hesitate and I know I shouldn't think *that* way but she's *Carter*. And I need the comfort and assurance she's okay. I can't help feeling the way I feel. And then I manage to move and sit down beside her.
I can feel her eyes on me, scanning me. Reading me. I move my head and return her look. I don't want her to feel guilty. But she didn't do the right thing. And that I tell her. But my voice is betraying me and I almost tell her how much I hurt. How much I feared for her.
She answers me in a voice barely to hear. "Sir, there was no other option. They wanted *me*, so I went. Did you really think I would let you all die because of me?"
"No. Not Teal'c or Daniel." They don't love you. I do. It's my right, my duty, my honor.
But she doesn't seem to understand. "Sir?"
"Carter, for cryin' out loud. I'm your CO. I'm your. friend. Do you have any idea what you put me through?" Clearer, Carter?
"Sir."
"No, Carter. You listen to me. I searched the whole damn planet for you. I *begged* them to take me with them and to let Daniel and Teal'c go because I knew we'd never find you again, otherwise. No one gets left behind, remember. But that's what you did to me, *Major*."
I didn't plan to say it. I really didn't but I hurt. And she hurts as well because she shouts back at me. My eyes lock with hers and I only want to cross the distance with one fast movement, take her face in my hands firmly and kiss her deeply. I hunger for her lips. I need to get lost in her warmth. I need to be touched.
I close my eyes briefly and collect all my will. I manage to stand up and walk over to the window. I need to resist the temptation. I need to think straight. I'm her Colonel. That's my duty. There's a time for everything. Time for making love is later. That I promise myself. So I tell her I'll have to go. As I say the words I realize how much I want to stay. Just one more hour. Just talking, hearing how she's been. I'd sit down in the opposite side of the room, I just want to be near her.
She asks me how we'd escape this prison and I assure her I'll tell her all the details tomorrow. Taran promised to help me and I promised to take him home with us. Fair deal.
"I'll get us out of here."
She smiles at me and my heart almost breaks. Her eyes catch mine and refuse to let them go. I'm not sure but I see the same graving for comfort in them I feel. The same desire. I almost ask her if I should stay. Just a little longer. But I know she'd say yes and I know I wouldn't be able to say no then. I doubt *she* would. So I turn and walk to the door. Probably one of the most difficult steps in my life. But I reach it and before I flee out of her charm I glance back for one last time. She still sits on the bed, her eyes following my every movement. She looks sad and almost lost. But I go. I leave her because I have to in order to get us home. I run through the darkness of the night. I know she's watching me from behind her window. So I hurry on to get out of her sight. Or I'll turn around and ruin everything.
**
They caught me even before I reached my room. I regained consciousness in a cold stone room, illuminated by a light source far too bright for my liking. But I know from the beginning that this was my least problem. I find myself lying on the floor. Around me I see several boots. Huge boots. Belonging to huge owners standing in them.
I frown. That was exactly what I needed. Then a thought hits me with full force. Carter. Did they have her, too?
I stand up and face the first guy. They all look alike in my eyes. "Why am I here?" As a reply he smiles at me. The most wicked smile I've ever seen.
I try it again but this time something hard impacts with my body and I can hear my ribs crack. Please tell me, you don't have Carter. The room has a huge window in the middle of one wall. I can clearly see through it as I slowly manage to stand up again. I can hardly breathe but I've been there before, so I know what kind of pain I'm dealing with. In the attaching room I can detect two figures talking. One of them I don't know. The other is Taran. The bastard nods and leaves.
Carter.
**
The hours pass like days. I lost every feeling for time long ago. My body is one single pain. But I'm more afraid of what Carter'll do than my torturers. I know her. She'll try to find me. And that's exactly what they want.
I want to sleep. I want rest but they won't let me. If one of them is tired of my company they go and another one gets the pleasure. Out of my blurry vision I can see three of 'them' with me. In the attaching room is some sort of light. It's blinding white and I failed to notice when it had been switched on. But I don't care, I have more important things to deal with.
More minutes pass and then something changes. I don't know what. All I realise is the pain that screams through my body as they torture me. I manage to stand up again but I'm sure I won't stand it much longer. A man can only take so much. The biggest guy of them hits me and his fist impacts with full force right in my face. I don't even realize I crash to the hard, slippery floor. After seconds of blackness and spinning vision I gather all my strength to pull myself up again. I won't give in so easily, bugger.
I grab hold of the frame of the huge window I detected before and steady myself. After an eternity I manage to stand. I rest my head against the pane and lose myself in the cold sensation on my hot, bruised skin. My knees are weak and I'm unable to breathe properly. Yet I'll not give in. I raise my head and open my eyes.
And see her.
My heart stops beating and I feel it break. She was here. They caught her. She was in that room with the bright light all the time. She heard everything, saw everything. And one of them is with her, standing at her side clearly signalling me what he could do every second.
I die. Within that second I die. Usually I would find a strength I never thought I possessed and free us. But this time it's too late. I have nothing left to offer. I can't safe her. I can't protect her. I'm dead.
Seeing her how she hurts, how she is tied to the wall leaving her so helpless I can't stand. She mouths something to me. I'm sorry, too. I understand. Please forgive me. These seconds mean everything. We are together. We are one. Finally.
Then I can feel someone grab me from behind. She says goodbye to me and then everything goes black.
**
.
.
.
.
.
.
I wake up. At least that's what I judge from the slowly increasing pain
which invades my body and my consciousness. I try to open my eyes but they
are too heavy. Too swollen. I try to change my position into a more
comfortable one but I can't move. I'm strapped to a bed.
A hard bed. Even my head is fixed.
Then a releaving blackness washes over me again.
:
:
:
:
:
:
As I regain consciousness I don't know how much time has passed. I find
myself in the same position except now my head can move. I try again to open
my eyes and succeed with one. That's a start. I'm not sure but the pain
seems less strong. My eyes try to focus as I slowly move my head from one
side to the other. I'm in a bright lit room. All white. There are windows
enabling me to look into attaching rooms. But they are empty. My head now
moves to the right side and, blurred as my vision still is, I at first only
make out the outline of a person who's strapped to a bed in a similar
fashion like me. I wait and slowly the image gets sharper.
"Carter," I whisper in a cracking voice. I'm thirsty. My lips are dry. She doesn't move, so I call her again. This time a little louder. "Carter."
I can see her chest move as she draws in a deep breath and then her head moves as well. She seems confused, probably wondering where she is and then she looks at me. Her face is bruised and she looks as if she has cried. Her eyes are wide with surprise. Yeah, I know. Apophis could be jealous on my talent to survive.
"Sir?" her voice equals mine. I try to grin. "Hey."
Carter automatically tries to get up and briefly struggles against the restraints but she gives up soon. "Where are we?" she wants to know and I would like to shrug my shoulders but of course that's not an easy task in a situation like this. "Don't know." And after a pause I ask her: "Are you okay?"
She makes a reassuring face and lies: "I'm fine, sir." I nod. We spend the next hours alone. Talking a little about what happened to us, trying to weigh our options, which, by the way, don't look too good remembering that 'they' want to execute us, as Carter informed me.
I'm tired, exhausted and I need some rest. But my military mind works full time. Thank good it does.
As I said, after spending some hours alone, I hear a person approaching us from behind. I stiffen my back and prepare for the worst, which comes in the way of a needle rammed into my arm. But despite the expected increase of pain, it gets less. I'm confused. Why do they help us?
"Hey, 'xcuse me. What are you doin'?" I ask whoever is standing at Carters bed, checking her over.
The person, a man, turns and smiles at me: "Just making sure you won't die before tomorrow."
I didn't really expect an answer and think of my next question as I hear Carter ask: "Why? What is tomorrow?"
The guy looks back at her and tells her in a friendly voice. "Your execution."
**
That's nice. They unbound us from our bed and led us under heavy guards into another holding room. No windows, high ceiling, one door made of steel. No way to escape. But after all we were allowed to drink water and to be together. Even the camera spying on us from the right corner over the door can't weaken my relief to move freely.
Carter sits down at my side and draws her knees up to her body, embracing them with her arms. I can see she hurts. I know when she does. But I don't know if it comes from the physical injuries or the mental. I also know she wouldn't talk about it. So we sit in silence for a little while.
"Carter.does your.pain.get less, too?" I then try to ask. She thinks about it and then answers me it does. "Sir..this Taran."
"Yeah, I know. Sonofabitch." I feel cold hatred well up in me. Carter glares ahead of her, as well. "Sooo.any ideas how to open that door?" I try to divert her attention away from someone who at the moment isn't important at all. Carter weakly stands up and slowly goes to said door. She looks for any opening mechanisms thoroughly. After making sure she didn't miss a bit she comes back to sit down at her previous place. "No, sir. I'm afraid I don't."
Sweet.
**
As we wait for the hours to pass I brood about the woman sitting next to me. In the last months I developed even stronger feelings for her. Stronger needs. I was willing to place it all on one card. I still want her that way. The past events are burned inside my mind. Once more we confessed our deepest feelings. Once more with looks rather than words. Was it enough? Did we cross the line already? I feel something has changed between us. The tension has shifted and I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that we expected to die -this time for real.
"Carter.," I almost whisper. I don't know if she's asleep. "Yes, sir?" Trust Carter to be awake.
"If we die tomorrow.," I start but she interrupts me. "Then we won't have any regrets, sir." We look into each others eyes. I nod. Then she takes my hand. As simple as it is. But we don't need anything more right now. We are too tired and hurt to give in to the passion we felt days ago. At the moment we need comfort of a different sort. Just the feeling that the other is here.
"And besides, sir, I don't intend to die."
I smile: "Yeah, me neither. Just wanted to make sure."
She smiles back at me. Then she leans in to me, like she did twice before and rests her head on my shoulder. We both close our eyes to rest. We have to get prepared for tomorrow. We have to escape.
**
They wake us up not too friendly using their boots. So much for not hurting anymore before our death. Four tall men stand around us and then they dragg us out of the room. We manage to get on our feet and walk in dignity. I cautiously look around. The corridors are wide and brightly lit. Every ten meters we pass doors on each side. Sometimes we encounter other captives or their bodies, which are rolled out lying on little cars. The people stare at us, so the news must have spread.
After ten minutes we halt in front of a room. I signal Carter to prepare for our flight because if this is where we are about to be killed I sure as hell will try to get away. I see her straighten her back and her hands form into fists. The door opens and we are pushed in. Within seconds I scan the area. Another door leading out, no chair, no window. Then they leave and lock the door behind us.
Immediately I run to the other exit. "Locked." Carter nods. For the first time I look down at us. We have no means of escape. We don't wear shoes and our clothes are spoiled with blood, dirt and other fluids forming stains I don't want to find out about. Not yet.
"I think this is a waiting room, sir." I nod my consent. "We gotta get outta here," I inform her unneccessarily. The moment I consider an escape out of the probably heavy guarded door we came in before, the other one opens.
Two tall man stand guard on each side of the frame. Another armed one steps inside and makes it perfectly clear that he won't hesitate shooting us if we don't follow him. So we do. We enter another room, wider than the others we've been in so far. A huge screen hangs from the ceiling and there's an audience. They yell at us, showing their clear hatred. Carter works her jar. She's tense, ready to fight, ready to flight. So am I. I look up at the screen and see us standing forlorn in that wide space. The armed guy pushes us forward and then positions us on a red mark on the floor.
On our left is a huge table, like that of a judge and slowly, three men approach to sit down behind it. The crowd starts to cheer. I feel like being in a modern kind of Rome. And I'm a gladiator. The only difference is I'm already sentenced to death and I don't get the chance to fight.
"Sir," Carter whispers at my side and nods her head in direction of the far door the judges, or whoever they are, came in through. It's not guarded. The only guards are those two still standing at the entrance of the ready room and the guy behind us, pointing his weapon at our backs.
I nod curtly. One of the judges starts to speak in a language I don't understand. The crowd cheers and claps as they show recordings of our torture. Carter looks away, I stare at it sickly fascinated. I guess I just need to know if they.
"Sir, now would be as good as ever," Carter diverts my attention away. I nod again and within seconds I spot the woman.the first one I've ever seen alive.who enters this room with two knives. I guess it's high time. Carter sees her as well and then we don't have to communicate anymore. I spin around and knock weapon guy unconscious. He didn't even see it coming. I grab his gun and fire at the two remaining guards. Carter in the meantime darts to the woman and gets hold of the knives. The judges and the audience are hysterical. Guess they aren't used to people escaping out of the death row.
I follow Carter, who is already running out of the door and am firing at everybody who's trying to stop us. We enter a corridor and dart through. We don't know where to go but somehow the audience must have gotten in here, right?
We race through several corridors until Carter points ahead. "Sir, this way."
I don't know how she does that but we step through a door out into the night. Behind us, heavy boots impact with hard concrete floor. And they are approaching fast. I slam the door shut behind us and shoot with the gun at it, hoping to seal it off somehow. The sirens howl through the air as Carter and I hush through the shadows into the city.
They follow us close, I can hear them. "We have to get to the Gate," I hiss at her. "Yeah. I know a transporter, sir. Quickly."
**
An eternity later, we duck behind a corner and watch out for a trap. Could they be so dump as to not guard the transporter appropriately? There are only two guys standing there, their weapons ready to shoot anyone who comes near. I signal Carter to get to the right and I move to the left, it takes only seconds to make sure there aren't more of them and to take these two out.
Then Carter orders me to stand on the platform and initiates the beam. As we rematerialize we stand in another city. It is bright day. "Carter? Do you have *any* idea how to work this?" I mutter nervously because too many people witnessed our arrival and are now staring at us. "Yes, sir. I've been forced to use those beams a lot. The Stargate is in that direction."
I love that woman even more as we flee through the streets. People must know who we are because they back away at our approach. But of course it could also be the gun that's frightening them.
We reach the Gate and Carter dials up P4X-256. We step through just in time. In the near distance I see the troops arrive. We both know we have to dial the Gate again as quickly as possible to prevent our persecutors from coming through. I don't know where she'll send us because I sit guard and make sure no-one steps out of the event horizon alive.
Gladly she manages and we step through. On the other side we arrive on a meadow. The sun shines down on us and warms us. Without thinking I let myself fall down into the gras and lie down on my back. Carter stands above me and grins. She's tired. Exhausted. But she looks happy.
I sit up again and grin up at her. "So..what now, Major?" She smiles at me. "SG-5 made a treaty with these people before we left on our mission, sir. I'm sure they have a GDO to contact Earth."
"Well done, Major." I hold up a hand and she really helps me up. I stand in front of her and look at her intensely. She lost a lot of weight and her hair is ruffled. Her face still shows the marks of her abuse. I stop resisting the urge and step closer to draw her in my arms. She willingly responds and holds me close. She's pressing her face against my neck, her arms moving up and down my back to cover as much of me as possible. I place one hand on the back of her head and stroke her hair. I concentrate on her breathing, on her warmth. In the distance I hear birds sing. This place is so unlike that we've just managed to escape from. And as much as I want to go home, I also fear it. I'm afraid of the changes that might have occurred during our absence. I'm afraid Carter would withdraw again, like she has to.
I'm afraid I'd let her. Carter sighs in my neck and then pushes away softly. "We'd better try to make contact with these folks, hm?" I ask her silently. She nods. "Sir.." An image of one conversation pops up in my head. As I found out she was my 2IC. And I had to let her go.
I nod as well. Her eyes search mine and I allow them to lock. I bend down a place a light kiss on her lips. To assure her I'm here. To comfort me we'll be okay. A promise and goodbye.
I grimace and then hold out my hand. "Lead the way."
She points behind the gate and we go on our little journey to the villagers. We'll be on Earth within the day. We'll be examined and questioned. Then we'll be allowed to go home. We'll be given time to deal with the past events, with the memories and the fears. All those feelings that still are all too present in my mind and body. I still don't know what they did to her. I'll ask her. In time, when I know she'll be ready to talk. When I know what we'll be. Friends, soldiers or lovers.
Because that's not decided yet.
*The happy ending*
I hope you like it! Have a wonderful week! And as soon as RL lets me, I'll catch up on the FF!
Take Care
Jenny