TITLE : His Intergalactic Stalker and Her Assistant
AUTHOR: Blue Topaz
EMAIL: blue-topaz@lycos.com
RATING: PG.
CATEGORY: Humor
PAIRING: Sam/Jack
SUMMARY: Sam and Jack are forced to write a journal together. Day 14.
SPOILER: Message in The Bottle
SERIES: 10th story in 'His and Hers' www.geocities.com/bluetopazfic/index#hah
ARCHIVE: SJD and Carterfic.
DISCLAIMER: Stargate
SG-1 and its characters are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double
Secret productions. No copyright infringement is intended.
Please do not post or
distribute this story without the author's permission.
Copyright by Blue Topaz,
2003
Note: Thanks to Sandra who beta-read this story.
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URL of this story (for
better formatting):
www.geocities.com/bluetopazfic/hisandhers10.htm
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*Sunday, 20 July 2003*
07.41 : Jack O'Neill
Hey, what time is Daniel
due back?
07.43 : Sam Carter
09.00. But knowing Daniel,
they'll probably arrive at 10.00-ish.
07.43 : Jack O'Neill
Got it. Keep me posted
on his progress.
07.43 : Sam Carter
I can't. I've got work
to finish. Why don't you ask Ferretti instead? I bet he won't refuse. And
we can blame all of this on him if Daniel ever found out.
07.44 : Jack O'Neill
I like the way you think.
Have fun working, Carter.
07.44 : Sam Carter
Thanks, Sir.
***
14.01 : Jack O'Neill
Carter, time to put the
plan into action. Are you ready?
14.02 : Sam Carter
Already? I'm in the middle
of something here.
14.02 : Jack O'Neill
Something like creating
a big honking space gun?
14.02 : Sam Carter
Er, not exactly creating
and not exactly a space gun, but it is still important.
14.02 : Jack O'Neill
How important?
14.02 : Sam Carter
Very important.
14.02 : Jack O'Neill
So important that you
can't abandon it for just ten or twenty minutes?
14.02 : Sam Carter
Alright, alright. You
win. Let's do it now.
14.02 : Jack O'Neill
Good girl. Now, are you
clear on what you're going to do?
14.03 : Sam Carter
I'll go and ask Daniel for that artifact that he found on P76 543. The one that he kept in Storage Room 7 at Level 21. It's one of a few rooms that still uses a key instead of a card. That's why we chose it, and Daniel is one of a few people who has it. I also have to make sure that he does it straight away, so I'll say that the artifact is crucial for my experiment and I need it a.s.a.p. While I do that, you'll be waiting for him near the Storage Room. So when he goes inside, you'll close the door and lock it from the outside and deliberately leave the key in the keyhole so that he can't open it from the inside. To make it more interesting, you've already asked Nurse Brown, one of Daniel's fans (and he knew it too) to wait for him inside. She's been asking you to hook her up with Daniel, so you knew that she wouldn't refuse. And we both know how uncomfortable Daniel is around her.
And you finally make
your wish to lock two people inside a closet come true at last. You really
need something to preoccupy your time, Sir. Too much daydreaming could
do some damage to your mental health.
14.03 : Jack O'Neill
Excellent.
I'm heading towards the infirmary now to let Brown know. I hope she is not too busy right now. I'll give you a sign when everything is ready.
And thank you for caring
about my mental health. That was so considerate of you.
14.03 : Sam Carter
For the record, Sir, this is the most adolescent thing that we've ever done the last ten years.
Remind me again, why
did I agree to do this?
14.03 : Jack O'Neill
Because it's fun.
Besides, who would've
though that Daniel actually likes Marmite. My informant told me that he
was *disappointed* when he found out only one power bar tasted that good.
14.03 : Sam Carter
I can't argue with that.
Daniel likes Marmite? That stuff tastes vile, how can he stand that?
What about his caffeine
withdrawal?
14.03 : Jack O'Neill
Have you managed to get a link for the security camera in that room and the corridor outside?
Well, we all know that Daniel is weird. We just don't realise that he was *that* weird.
And no withdrawal whatsoever.
He brought his own stash that could last for a week. Damn, I should have
checked his bag and confiscated it before he left.
14.04 : Sam Carter
The link has been ready
since 10.00 this morning. I know how bad you want it. All I have to do
is just click some buttons and you can see all of it in my lab. I'll leave
the instructions in my desk because I'll be in Daniel's lab waiting for
the artifact that I requested. He'll be suspicious if I wasn't there when
he comes back. I believe you know how to press the record button for me?
14.04 : Jack O'Neill
Girl Scout. I like that.
And don't worry, Carter.
I won't let you miss all the fun.
14.04 : Sam Carter
Thanks, Sir.
I'll be waiting for the
signal.
***
14.15 : Jack O'Neill
Everything is in its
place. Time to do it, Carter.
14.15 : Sam Carter
Yes, Boss.
14.15 : Jack O'Neill
Oy!
***
14.23 : Sam Carter
Daniel's on his way.
14.23 : Jack O'Neill
Got it.
Are you sure that you
can't get me some popcorn and soda?
14.23 : Sam Carter
Sir, my lab is not a
movie theatre. I demand you treat it with more respect.
14.23 : Jack O'Neill
Hey, lab or not, I still
want the popcorn.
14.24 : Sam Carter
No food or drink (except
tea or coffee) is allowed in my lab. Sorry, that's the rule.
14.24 : Jack O'Neill
D'oh.
***
15.19 : Jack O'Neill
Jeez, my side is still
hurting from laughing. It's a good thing that your lab is soundproof.
15.19 : Sam Carter
Poor Daniel.
15.19 : Jack O'Neill
Save the display of sympathy
for someone else. I know that you were laughing as hard as I was when you
finally watched it.
15.19 : Sam Carter
Poor Janet then.
15.19 : Jack O'Neill
Well, I can't argue with
that. Who could've though that it was the Doc who finally let him out of
his misery? Although it kinda makes it perfect somehow. Did you see how
he stuttered to explain all those lipstick marks on his face? And the way
Brown was clinging to his neck. I could've sworn that Janet was smirking.
15.19 : Sam Carter
Nurse Brown sure knows how to mark her man. I can't believe how strong she is. She managed to pin Daniel against the wall once.
And Janet did *smirk*. Bless her, she has faith when it comes to Daniel's innocence. More than you. Well, more than *us*.
You better watch out
for her though. I bet she knows that you were behind this.
15.19 : Jack O'Neill
Remind me to get Teal'c to give Daniel some self-defense classes. That boy is slacking. He shouldn't have let Brown corner him like that.
And I'll deal with Janet.
As always.
15.19 : Sam Carter
Daniel was being a gentleman.
Hey, what would you do
if a woman attacked you like that?
15.20 : Jack O'Neill
Do you really want me
to answer that?
15.20 : Sam Carter
Hell yeah.
15.20 : Jack O'Neill
Sorry to tell you this,
but a gentleman never reveals his secrets.
15.20 : Sam Carter
Well, you're not exactly
a gentleman, are you?
15.20 : Jack O'Neill
I'm wounded. How come
you think of me like that?
15.20 : Sam Carter
Oh, am I wrong then?
15.20 : Jack O'Neill
You can't expect me to
confirm something like that.
15.20 : Sam Carter
Why not?
15.20 : Jack O'Neill
Because I'll never ask
you which SG-1 member you like best.
15.20 : Sam Carter
Point taken.
Alright. I'm going to
work some more. I'll talk to you later.
15.21 : Jack O'Neill
See you, Carter. And
don't work to hard, OK?
15.21 : Sam Carter
I'll try.
***
17.33 : Jack O'Neill
Carter, I've met Simmons
in the mess hall. He said that you kicked him out of your lab. He's your
most trusted assistant, isn't he? Any reason why you’d get rid of him?
17.35 : Sam Carter
I didn't kick him out.
I gave him a break.
17.35 : Jack O'Neill
That's not what he said.
17.35 : Sam Carter
Well, who do you trust
more? Me or Graham Simmons?
17.35 : Jack O'Neill
Carter! Come on, the
truth. What are you doing in your lab? I went there earlier and it was
locked. I knocked, but no one answered. Is there something wrong?
17.35 : Sam Carter
No, not really. Lt. Simmons
is a great help but sometimes I just want to work alone. I need the peace
and quietness, so that I could just concentrate on the experiment and nothing
else. You must've missed me when you knocked earlier. I went to the supply
room several times to get some materials.
17.35 : Jack O'Neill
Don't you know that Simmons'
crush on you is stronger than ever? He looked like his puppy had just ran
away.
17.35 : Sam Carter
Please, Sir. He was way
over it. He already had a steady girlfriend since three years ago, soon-to-be
fiance actually, he's planning to propose to her next week. He looked dejected
because he lost the ring. But knowing Graham, he might have just misplaced
it somewhere and will find it by tomorrow. He has a habit of forgetting
things when he is nervous. That's one other reason why I don't want him
in the lab. He is an accident waiting to happen in this state.
17.35 : Jack O'Neill
You seem to know a lot
about him.
17.35 : Sam Carter
We've known each other
for almost seven years now. It's bound to happen. Besides, he's like a
little brother to me. Anyway, how did you know that he had a crush
on me?
17.36 : Jack O'Neill
Daniel told me.
17.36 : Sam Carter
He was drunk when he
did that, wasn't he?
17.36 : Jack O'Neill
Yup. It's amazing how
many secrets you could fish out from a drunken linguist.
17.36 : Sam Carter
That was a terrible thing
to do, Sir.
17.36 : Jack O'Neill
Did you know that Daniel had a thing for Janet in her white coat? He said that it makes her look like an angel.
Angel, my ass. Fraiser
with her white coat equals Fraiser with needle. And we all know what that
means.
17.36 : Sam Carter
Really? Did Daniel really say that?
I'm going to ignore what
you said about Janet.
17.36 : Jack O'Neill
Like I said, it's amazing
what you can get out of drunken Daniel. It's much easier than using a lie
detector. Just ask him one simple question and he'll give you a generous
answer. Too bad that he is starting to get hold of his drinks. I need more
alcohol to help him blabber those priceless information these days.
17.36 : Sam Carter
What else did he say?
17.36 : Jack O'Neill
Nothing that I can share
with you. I value Daniel's privacy.
17.36 : Sam Carter
If you don't want to
tell me, you just have to say so, Sir. No need to make an excuse that you
know I wouldn't believe.
17.36 : Jack O'Neill
I only think about your
feelings.
17.37 : Sam Carter
You can't see me, but
I'm rolling my eyes right now.
17.37 : Jack O'Neill
How mature.
17.37 : Sam Carter
Speak for yourself.
17.37 : Jack O'Neill
Enough about this. Hey,
do you have anything planned for tonight?
17.37 : Sam Carter
Tonight? I don't think
so. Why?
17.37 : Jack O'Neill
Have dinner with me.
17.37 : Sam Carter
We always have dinner
together when we're on the base, Sir.
17.37 : Jack O'Neill
No, I mean a proper dinner.
The Tok'ra ruined our plan last week, I still owe you one.
17.38 : Sam Carter
I'd love to.
17.38 : Jack O'Neill
Great. I'll pick you
up wherever you are at 19.30. I'm going to try and make a reservation now.
17.38 : Sam Carter
I'll leave you to it
then.
17.38 : Jack O'Neill
Hey, what about your
experiment?
17.38 : Sam Carter
I think it can wait until
tomorrow. Besides, I need the break.
17.38 : Jack O'Neill
Good. I'll see you then.
17.38 : Sam Carter
See you, Sir.
***
21.54 : Jack O'Neill
I don't believe this.
21.54 : Sam Carter
Neither do I.
21.54 : Jack O'Neill
I hate that woman.
21.54 : Sam Carter
I second that.
Actually, no, I don't
hate that woman. I *despise* her.
21.55 : Jack O'Neill
You know, the next time I'm taking you to dinner, I'm just going to kidnap you from your lab and get on with it. No planning, no reservation. Just you and me in my jeep looking for someplace decent to eat.
If I'm not being reasonable,
I think she was spying on us with her alien doohickies. And every time
I ask you out, some red light blinks and she'll be here on Earth in a flash
of light to spoil our plan.
21.55 : Sam Carter
I think Freya stalks
you somehow, Sir.
21.55 : Jack O'Neill
Carter, I don't need
some intergalactic stalker, thank you very much.
21.55 : Sam Carter
Look at the bright side.
At least we managed to have the appetizer this time.
21.55 : Jack O'Neill
Do you think she'll let
us have our main course the next time this happens?
21.55 : Sam Carter
I don't know what to
think. I'm still too ticked to say anything at this moment.
21.55 : Jack O'Neill
Carter, leave my side
tonight and you'll pay dearly. And I'm not joking. I won't give her even
the slightest opportunity to put on her moves.
21.55 : Sam Carter
You mean the opportunity
to act upon her lust on you?
21.55 : Jack O'Neill
Carter, you're not helping.
21.55 : Sam Carter
But you smirked there.
21.56 : Jack O'Neill
Because you make me want
to laugh with your sarcasm. It's not a bad thing, but please, not in front
of the General.
21.56 : Sam Carter
Do you think he'll notice
that we're not paying attention to this meeting?
21.56 : Jack O'Neill
Who cares? It's not like
he can see the Palms under the table. Besides, he was focusing his attention
on *that* woman.
21.56 : Sam Carter
Why are you here? She only wanted to say thanks. And the one that should receive her thanks is SG-9. After all, they were the ones who help the Tok'ra last week. And I know that she wanted to talk to me about some technologies that she let SG-9 bring back home, so I'm not that surprised she asked to see me.
But what about you? Why
did she want you here? She didn't even ask for Daniel or Teal'c to be present.
21.56 : Jack O'Neill
Don't ask me. And don't
you even try to answer that question yourself.
21.56 : Sam Carter
Sir, if you don't want
to be alone with her, than I don't want that, either. If she wants to talk
to me about something, I want you to be there for me. Who knows what kind
of question she will ask if you aren't there. The last thing I want is
for her to ask what the best way to warm your bed is.
21.56 : Jack O'Neill
CARTER! Are you trying
to give me a heart attack? That is so ... vulgar.
21.56 : Sam Carter
So you didn't know that
she asked Daniel once about the human culture of mating? Or how she asked
Teal'c on how to make you her lover boy?
21.56 : Jack O'Neill
Too much information.
I don't want to hear it.
21.57 : Sam Carter
If she asked all those
things from Daniel and Teal'c, what do you think will she ask from me?
I wouldn't be surprise if she asked me whether using an aphrodisiac is
legal here or not.
21.57 : Jack O'Neill
Stop right there. Are you trying to freak me out? I don't want to hear about it anymore. I get your point.
OK then, for better or
worse, we stick together until she's gone.
21.57 : Sam Carter
Deal.
***
22.42 : Sam Carter
Sir, I have to go to
the toilet. Would you survive here on your own?
22.42 : Jack O'Neill
No way. We stick together
until *that* snakehead is gone.
22.42 : Sam Carter
That snakehead (and for your own benefit, I hope you will never refer to my father that way) is standing next to you. Please be careful not to let her see what you are writing.
And Sir, I really need
to go. She surely wouldn't do anything to you in *my* lab.
22.42 : Jack O'Neill
Don't worry about that. She seemed fascinated enough by your report.
And as for your little
problem, let's go to my quarters. I don't think being in your lab would
make it any different if she wants to do something to me.
22.42 : Sam Carter
Your quarters, Sir?
22.42 : Jack O'Neill
You do remember that
my quarters are en-suite, right? Let's just make some excuse that I left
some important notes that you need in my quarters. We'll get it together
because I have the key and I don't know which notes you want. We have some
guards on the door. They can keep an eye on her for a while.
22.43 : Sam Carter
Do you think it will
work?
22.43 : Jack O'Neill
We won't know if we don't
try, will we?
***
23.38 : Sam Carter
Nice bathroom, Sir.
23.38 : Jack O'Neill
Well thank you.
23.38 : Sam Carter
I've seen your quarters
several times, but never the bathroom. It's pretty neat.
23.38 : Jack O'Neill
I like my bathroom clean.
23.38 : Sam Carter
I see.
Where are you now? Not
in your quarters, I suppose.
23.38 : Jack O'Neill
I'm not that ignorant. With that woman still here, I'll sleep in Reynold's quarters. His team is on a mission at this moment. I know he won't mind.
I hope with me missing,
she'll go and bug Daniel instead.
23.39 : Sam Carter
Good planning.
Anyway, Sir, I'm a little bit hungry here. Never really had my dinner after all. And the sandwich from the mess hall was not a good substitute for a proper meal.
Want to kidnap me and
take me out to eat? If we are ever going to do this, we might as well do
it in style, right under her nose.
23.39 : Jack O'Neill
I knew there was a reason
why I like you so much. Where do you want to eat? It's pretty late, and
I'm sure you don't want do junk food at this hour.
23.39 : Sam Carter
Well, there's this Chinese
restaurant that's always open until 03.00. Too bad I only found out about
it a few days ago. A nurse mentioned it to me. She said that the food is
quite good as well.
23.39 : Jack O'Neill
Where are you?
23.39 : Sam Carter
My quarters.
23.40 : Jack O'Neill
Well then, Ms. Carter.
Prepare yourself to be abducted.
23.40 : Sam Carter
How charming. And for
that, I promise that I will not fight back when you snatch me out. In fact,
I'll cooperate nicely.
23.40 : Jack O'Neill
Sweet.
***
Note: This story is for everyone who were asking for the 'date' persistently *cough* Vicky aka ses *cough*. Thanks also for every single one of you who had been supporting throughout this series. It has been a fantastic month. I think I'll go into another hiatus and write another fic, because I need the change of pace. I hope this chapter didn't give you any cliff-hanger or anything like that (the 'date' will happened; I'm not that cruel to spoilt it for the third time). Besides, I'm going start my university course in two weeks times, I'll be busy preparing and adjusting my very laidback life-style to a hectic student's life one (and I think I'm going down with a cold right now, I need the rest). There'll be more 'His and Hers', of that I could assure you, but not in a near future. Watch out for the bloopers for Story 6-10 though.
OK, enough with my ranting.
Feedback, reviews and bloopers are welcome as always.
21.55 : Jack O'Neill
You know, the next time I'm taking you to dinner, I'm just going to kidnap you from your lab and get on with it. No planning, no reservation. Just you and me in my jeep looking for someplace decent to make out.