TITLE : His Plan and Her Project
AUTHOR: Blue Topaz
EMAIL: blue-topaz@lycos.com
RATING: PG.
CATEGORY: Humor
PAIRING: Sam/Jack
SUMMARY: Sam and Jack are forced to write a journal together. Day 7&8.
SERIES: 7th story in 'His and Hers' < www.geocities.com/bluetopazfic/index#hah >
ARCHIVE: SJD and Carterfic.
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. No copyright infringement is intended. Please do not post or distribute this story without the author's permission. Copyright by Blue Topaz, 2003
Note: Thanks to Rosemary who beta-read this. Also to all of those wonderful reviewers. I was a bit weary that most of the readers already forgot about this fic already, seeing I haven't uploaded for a while. And special thanks for those people who tried their hand at the bloopers. They were wonderful (although I *might* have to put R/NC-17 as the rating ;) ) On with the story ...
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URL of this story (for
better formatting):
www.geocities.com/bluetopazfic/hisandhers7.htm
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*Sunday, 13 July 2003*
23.10: Sam Carter
Sir? Are you still alive?
How did the plan go?
Did you asked for Siler's help?
Did Janet find out?
Is Daniel alright?
23.11: Jack O'Neill
Oh, hello Carter.
Nice to hear from you too. How are you?
How's the ride?
23.11: Sam Carter
I'm fine. Great in fact. The ride was perfect; I had such a good time.
Now I've answered your
questions, it's your turn to answer mine.
23.11: Jack O'Neill
Bossy.
And don't worry. Daniel
is fine, Janet didn't find out and Siler had nothing to do with it. And
oh yeah, I'm still very much alive.
23.11: Sam Carter
So? What happened?
23.11: Jack O'Neill
Nothing.
23.11: Sam Carter
Sir, please. You cannot
expect me to let it go just like that. So, please do tell.
23.11: Jack O'Neill
No Carter, you don't
get it. Nothing happened. I figured that Daniel had just bothered me and
he knew it. If I took any action today, he would know that it was me, with
or without evidence. So, I decided to lay low for a few days and then when
he least expects it, I'll strike.
23.12: Sam Carter
Good thinking.
23.12: Jack O'Neill
Yeah, besides I need your help after all. Janet trusts you, a lot. Better you than Siler. Easier too.
It should be a walk in
the park.
23.12: Sam Carter
I've said it before and I’ll say it again.
No, I will not help you.
23.12: Jack O'Neill
Carter, your bike is
still not safe, you know.
23.12: Sam Carter
Well Sir, you can't blackmail
me with that, you already did that yesterday.
23.12: Jack O'Neill
So?
23.12: Sam Carter
You can't use the bike
to threaten me again. You already used it once.
23.12: Jack O'Neill
So?
23.12: Sam Carter
Fine, if that's how you
want to play it, then I won't fix any of your toys anymore if they got
broken.
23.12: Jack O'Neill
You can't do that. If
I have nothing to occupy me then I'll bother you. See, your threat will
only backfire.
23.13: Sam Carter
Damn it.
I never thought if that.
23.13: Jack O'Neill
Well, you should.
Anyway, I'll tell you
more about my plan when I finish plotting it.
23.13: Sam Carter
Sir, I'm not going to
help you.
23.13: Jack O'Neill
Sure, you're not.
23.13: Sam Carter
I mean it.
23.13: Jack O'Neill
Yeah, yeah. You can say
what you want, but when the time comes, you'll be by my side, helping me
with this plan.
23.13: Sam Carter
Colonel, don't you know
the meaning of the word 'no'?
23.13: Jack O'Neill
Of course I do, but not if it come out from you. I'm going to sleep.
Goodnight Carter. See
you tomorrow.
23.13: Sam Carter
Colonel O'Neill, Sir,
please. I said 'no'.
23.13: Jack O'Neill
Night night.
23.13: Sam Carter
Colonel! I'm not going
to help you with this.
23.14: Jack O'Neill
Don't let the bugs bite.
23.14: Sam Carter
Sir! I'm serious. You're
on your own.
23.14: Jack O'Neill
Carter, you'll leave this poor Colonel alone? How could you? You're not that mean, are you?
See you tomorrow.
Sweet dreams.
23.14: Sam Carter
'Poor Colonel'? Are you
kidding me?
23.17: Sam Carter
Sir? Are you there?
23.19: Sam Carter
Damn it Colonel. You're
not getting away with this; I'll talk to you tomorrow.
***
Monday, 14 July 2003
05.38: Jack O'Neill
Rise and shine.
And how are you this
morning, Ms. Carter?
05.39: Sam Carter
Ms. Carter? No offence but, are you drunk?
Isn't it too early in
the morning to start drinking? And don't forget that we have a briefing
at 09.00.
05.39: Jack O'Neill
No, I'm not drunk.
I'm just in a very good mood.
05.39: Sam Carter
Should I be afraid, Sir?
05.39: Jack O'Neill
You should.
05.39: Sam Carter
Alright. I'm not going
to ask why you're in such a good mood then.
05.39: Jack O'Neill
You do that. See you
in the briefing, Major.
05.39: Sam Carter
You just called me with
this journal to say that you're in a very good mood?
05.40: Jack O'Neill
Yes. Anything wrong with
that?
05.40: Sam Carter
Nothing. See you, Sir.
***
13.59: Jack O'Neill
Boring.
14.03: Jack O'Neill
Carter, respond.
14.06: Jack O'Neill
Major?
14.07: Sam Carter
Sir, I'm up for presentation
in about twenty minutes. Can you please leave me alone?
14.07: Jack O'Neill
Just answer this one
question. Why am I here?
14.07: Sam Carter
To know the progress
that we have made so far, to be the General's representative, to pass some
time, to lend me a moral support? I don't know. Pick one.
14.07: Jack O'Neill
Touché.
14.07: Sam Carter
Sorry, Sir. But I'm just
a bit nervous.
14.07: Jack O'Neill
You? Nervous? Come on.
14.07: Sam Carter
Sir, every project that
I've done in my lab costs a considerable amount of money. If I can't convince
them that I am able to juggle my responsibility as a member as SG-1 and
my commitment to these projects, I'm doomed.
14.07: Jack O'Neill
Take a deep breath, Carter.
14.07: Sam Carter
How dare they! They didn't
even give me a warning.
14.08: Jack O'Neill
Calm down, Carter. It's not only you that they're after; every scientist that works here has to do this.
Besides, that's the whole
point, isn't it? To catch all of the eggheads off-guard.
14.08: Sam Carter
I'm sorry for blowing
up like that, Colonel. But to tell you the truth, I'm worried.
14.08: Jack O'Neill
And why is that? It's
not that they're going to fire you. Who's going to save our butts next
time the snakeheads attack us?
14.08: Sam Carter
Sir, I'm not worried
about losing my job. I'm worried about them telling me to choose between
SG-1 and my projects.
14.08: Jack O'Neill
I'm not going to let
them do that. Hammond won’t either.
14.08: Sam Carter
But these men are not from the SGC, they won't listen to you or to the General. They don't know how important SG-1 is. They'll report straight back to the President. What if they decide that I'm not doing the job that I was paid to do?
They know what I can
do. And we both know that developing the alien technology that we have
so far to defend Earth from the Goa’uld is the main priority. So...
14.08: Jack O'Neill
Hey, the President likes me. Don't you worry; I'll put in a good word for you.
Now, smile! And don't frown like that; we're not in an imminent danger. We don't want you to have wrinkles so soon now, do we?
You'll do great. You'll
impress those two men in black in record time so that they will recommend
your promotion to the good ol' Prez. And when they do that, we'll make
sure that your spot in SG-1 is not an option. It is a must.
14.08: Sam Carter
Men in Black? Good ol' Prez?
Are you sure you're not
drunk, Sir?
14.09: Jack O'Neill
There you go. Nice smile, Major. But don't smile like that to any hot-blooded male; it could give you some troubles. And we don't want that, do we? But I know you can kick their butts, and if that ever happens, please let me know, I want to see it.
What's wrong with men in black? Those two Pentagon guys who assessed you wore identical black suits and sunglasses, and they are after aliens (sort of, indirectly anyway).
Me and the Prez go way, way, way back. We chat regularly on the phone.
Besides, this is only
a ten minutes presentation, right? What could go wrong?
14.09: Sam Carter
Thank you, Sir.
For cheering me up and
calming me down, I mean.
14.09: Jack O'Neill
No problem. I am famous of my calming effect on other people.
So, tell me why I am
here again?
14.09: Sam Carter
I choose not to respond to your claim, Sir.
Well, the General wants
you to make sure that those 'men in black' follow the rules; you are here
to observe the assessment procedure.
14.09: Jack O'Neill
Oh, babysitting you mean?
14.09: Sam Carter
Well, yeah.
14.10: Jack O'Neill
And your moral support
as well?
14.10: Sam Carter
If you don't mind, Colonel,
I would very much like that.
14.10: Jack O'Neill
Hey, that's what superior officer is for.
So, what are you going
to talk about to these fine gentlemen?
14.10: Sam Carter
My current projects I
suppose. That's what they wanted us to do anyway.
14.10: Jack O'Neill
What happen of you fail
this evaluation?
14.10: Sam Carter
I honestly don't know.
You could get a warning, or you could get sack straight away. It depends
on how productive you are, I suppose.
14.10: Jack O'Neill
That will explain those long faces in this room.
So, why are they doing
this again?
14.10: Sam Carter
To see if all the money
that have been put into their project are really paying off.
14.10: Jack O'Neill
How much is that exactly?
14.10: Sam Carter
I know my budget, but
I'm not sure about the others.
14.11: Jack O'Neill
How much is your budget?
14.11: Sam Carter
A lot.
14.11: Jack O'Neill
You're not going to tell
me, are you?
14.11: Sam Carter
I can divulge that information.
Sorry.
14.11: Jack O'Neill
Nah, it's OK. I'm just
curious, that's all.
14.11: Sam Carter
I'm going to do a last
minute reading now; I'll talk to you again after the presentation.
14.11: Jack O'Neill
You'll be alright, Carter.
14.12: Sam Carter
Thanks, Sir.
***
14.51: Jack O'Neill
See, I told you that
you would do great. You amazed them.
14.51: Sam Carter
You didn’t understand
a word that I was saying up there, do you, Sir?
14.51: Jack O'Neill
Yes, and that's the indication
that you were doing great.
14.51: Sam Carter
Thanks, I think.
14.52: Jack O'Neill
Carter, what did I said
about your smile? This is a room full of Carter's fan club, don't do it
too often.
14.52: Sam Carter
You're the one who made me smile.
PS: Carter's fan club?
14.52: Jack O'Neill
I'm starting to regret it.
PS: Yes. Didn't you know
that most of the geeks here have a thing for you? And I don't mean your
brain, I mean 'you', in flesh and blood.
14.52: Sam Carter
Really? You prefer me frowning than smiling?
PS: Really?
14.52: Jack O'Neill
Well, maybe not. But don't do it in a room full of your admirers. It'll only encourage them more.
PS: Yes, so stop smiling
already. You could give us away.
14.52: Sam Carter
OK Boss.
PS: I'll try. But I don't
think I could give us away, I could always say that someone sent a very
amusing email through my Palm.
14.52: Jack O'Neill
And who will you say
sent this email?
14.52: Sam Carter
You, of course.
14.53: Jack O'Neill
I see that you have your spirit back. Well done.
We should concentrate
more on this assessment process.
14.53: Sam Carter
I think you're right.
14.53: Jack O'Neill
We'll talk again once
this is finished. It's starting to get difficult to hide this Palm from
the others.
14.53: Sam Carter
OK.
***
19.44: Jack O'Neill
Man, I'm so tired. I
never knew that assessments could last this long. All you guys do is just
talk and talk and talk and talk. But how can this feel tiring just to hear
you talk?
19.44: Sam Carter
Maybe because you’ve
heard us for a total amount of almost six hours, Sir.
19.44: Jack O'Neill
Six hours?
How did I manage to sit
there for six hours doing nothing but listening to some geeks talking?
19.45: Sam Carter
Actually, Sir, you were having fun at their expense.
And don't bother denying
it; I know that you were enjoying their nervousness.
19.45: Jack O'Neill
Maybe I was.
But it still didn't explain
the tiredness part.
19.45: Sam Carter
You were trying your
best not to laugh or snicker, Sir. That took a lot of effort. And that
is so considerate of you, Sir.
19.45: Jack O'Neill
I guess you're right.
Hey, I saw one of the
men in black talk to you after we finished, what did he want?
19.45: Sam Carter
Dr. Jenkins had been
asking me about the naquadria. He's been studying it for a while now.
19.45: Jack O'Neill
That's it?
19.45: Sam Carter
That and he was wondering
if he could buy me a drink afterwards.
19.45: Jack O'Neill
Oh, and what did you
say?
19.45: Sam Carter
I said thanks but no
thanks. To be completely honest, Sir, he's not my type.
19.45: Jack O'Neill
Really? What's your type
anyway?
19.46: Sam Carter
The perfect gentleman
who has the combination of good qualities of Daniel, Teal'c and you. With
a pinch of General Hammond's charm. That ought to do it.
19.46: Jack O'Neill
In other word, the extinct
type, the one that you could only find in cheesy romance novels, Carter?
19.46: Sam Carter
That's one way to put
it.
19.46: Jack O'Neill
Your standard is too
high; you know that, don’t you?
19.46: Sam Carter
Well, a girl could dream, right? Is not like I'm going to find Mr. Right anytime soon. Might as well set a ridiculously high standard.
What about you, Sir?
What's your type of woman?
19.46: Jack O'Neill
I'm not too picky like
you. For me, as long as she appreciates my sense of humour, loves the Simpson’s,
doesn’t mind my working on a highly classified project, understands my
sarcasm, realises that I wouldn't put her above my team, puts up with my
bad moods, and doesn’t ask questions about my past, that should do it.
19.47: Sam Carter
In other words, the 'too
good to be true' type, the one that could only exist in your dreams, Sir?
19.47: Jack O'Neill
Yup, that's the one.
19.47: Sam Carter
We're hopeless.
19.47: Jack O'Neill
Oh well, what's new?
19.47: Sam Carter
Enough about this, I
need something to eat. Want to join me in the mess hall, Sir?
19.47: Jack O'Neill
Are you sure about the
mess hall? I think it's full already. Most of the geeks were there last
time I check. I guess all the presentation makes them hungry too.
19.47: Sam Carter
Oh please, Sir. This
is me you're talking too. You always pull rank to get a table there.
19.48: Jack O'Neill
Good point. I'll see
you there in ten minutes.
19.48: Sam Carter
See you there.
***
23.49: Jack O'Neill
Oy, Carter. I just realise
something. Why Daniel wasn't getting assessed today?
23.50: Sam Carter
Well, today is for the
science department. His is in archaeology; I don't know when his version
of the men in black would come.
23.50: Jack O'Neill
Oh. OK.
23.50: Sam Carter
Why the sudden interest?
23.50: Jack O'Neill
Well, I figure that maybe
aggravating Janet in order to get back at Daniel would be a little bit
of overkill.
23.50: Sam Carter
I'm glad that you finally
have some sense, Sir.
23.50: Jack O'Neill
Shut it, Major. I'm thinking
here.
23.50: Sam Carter
Shutting up now. Good
luck with the new plan.
23.50: Jack O'Neill
You realise that you
have to help me with this, don't you?
23.50: Sam Carter
Just let me know what
the plan is first, Sir. Then I *might* volunteer to help you.
23.51: Jack O'Neill
Remember your bike, Carter.
23.51: Sam Carter
OK, OK. I’ll help you. Jeez, I never thought that my bike would be this much of a burden. Should've bought a scooter instead.
It's cheaper too.
And easier to maintain as well.
Damn, I bought the wrong
motorbike.
23.51: Jack O'Neill
O'Neill's second lesson
in life: Know thy enemy.
23.51: Sam Carter
You treat me as your
enemy? That hurt, Sir.
23.51: Jack O'Neill
Oh, cut the melodrama.
What makes you think that I'm going to fall for that?
23.51: Sam Carter
Damn. That obvious, huh?
23.51: Jack O'Neill
Anyway, I'm going to
start plotting this new plan. Daniel will get what he’s been asking for.
23.51: Sam Carter
I'll leave you to it,
Sir. But may I remind you that Daniel is our friend, and please take into
consideration what a hassle it was to look for his replacement when he
was ascended.
23.51: Jack O'Neill
Your concern is noted,
Major.
23.51: Sam Carter
OK then, I'm going to bed now. I have a long day today.
See you tomorrow.
And be gentle with Daniel.
23.52: Jack O'Neill
Good night, Carter. Sleep
well.
23.52: Sam Carter
Back at you, Sir.
***
Note: The next one will be 'His Cabin and Her Cactus', can't really say a lot about this one, as I'm only less than a half-way through. But hopefully it won't take me that long to finish it. Reviews, feedbacks and bloopers are very much appreciated. ;)