TITLE : His PlayStation and Her Bike
AUTHOR: Blue Topaz
EMAIL: blue-topaz@lycos.com
RATING: PG.
CATEGORY: Humor
PAIRING: Sam/Jack
Minor SPOILERS for this episode: 'The Other Guy'
SUMMARY: Sam and Jack are forced to write a journal together. Day 6.
SERIES: 6th story in 'His and Hers' < www.geocities.com/bluetopazfic/index#hah >
ARCHIVE: SJD and Carterfic.
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. No copyright infringement is intended. Please do not post or distribute this story without the author's permission. Copyright by Blue Topaz, 2003
Note: Thanks for Aud who beta-read this. The hiatus is over, at least for now it is. Aren't you glad? ;) You asked for more, and you will get more. Enjoy the story.
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URL of this story (for
better formatting):
www.geocities.com/bluetopazfic/hisandhers6.htm
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*Saturday, 12 July 2003*
08.32 : Sam Carter
Coast is clear.
You're free to leave
Coburn's office, Sir.
08.33 : Jack O'Neill
Are you certain?
08.33 : Sam Carter
Yes.
08.33 : Jack O'Neill
Positive?
08.33 : Sam Carter
100% sure
08.33 : Jack O'Neill
Sure sure?
08.33 : Sam Carter
Sir, I've checked the
Gate's log. That annoying Tok'ra and SG-9 have already departed early this
morning. Apparently, Major Ewan wouldn't take any chances on General Hammond
changing his mind. And for once, he had no objections from Captain Perry.
08.34 : Jack O'Neill
See, my plan works already.
08.34 : Sam Carter
Actually, Sir, they might
just act civilly in front of General Hammond to avoid further 'punishment'.
Who knows what they'll do the moment they step out the Gate.
08.34 : Jack O'Neill
Yeah, you’re right.
You know what, scratch that. I *hope* you are right. Imagine the havoc those two could cause in the Tok'ra headquarters.
Man, now I wish I was there.
No, wait! I *wish* I had a word with the rest of SG-9.
There, much better.
08.34 : Sam Carter
Well, they'll be a bit
busy to have time to argue, Colonel. Moving out is a big job and it can
be a nightmare too. I still remember when I had to move from DC to Colorado.
Lets just say that breaking the laws of physics is a much easier task to
do.
08.35 : Jack O'Neill
I guess I can see your point.
Hey, are you in the mess
hall right now?
08.35 : Sam Carter
Yes.
08.35 : Jack O'Neill
Save me some fruit loops,
I'll be there in ten minutes. I'm just going to my quarters first and freshen
up a bit.
08.35 : Sam Carter
Will do.
***
14.55 : Jack O'Neill
Carter, what's your plan
for this weekend?
14.55 : Sam Carter
I've had to finish the
experiments in my lab, Sir. All of them should be done today, so I can
spend my Sunday having a ride around town on my bike.
14.56 : Jack O'Neill
THE bike?
14.56 : Sam Carter
Yes, THE bike.
14.56 : Jack O'Neill
THE big cool shiny black
bike that you had Siler fix for you?
14.56 : Sam Carter
That's the one.
And no, Sir, you cannot
borrow him.
14.56 : Jack O'Neill
What makes you think
that I'll borrow your bike?
14.56 : Sam Carter
The glint in your eyes
when you first saw him was a dead give away, Colonel. You were practically
licking your lips like a hungry cat that hadn't seen a bird in a long,
long, long time. Why do you think I increased the security around my garage?
14.57 : Jack O'Neill
Garage? By garage, you mean one of the storage rooms on Level 6 that you turned into your 'private' garage?
And Carter, if you want
to compare me with something, the least you could do is compare me with
more manly animals (like a lion or a dragon), not some spoilt little creature,
like a cat.
14.57 : Sam Carter
Yes, I meant that garage.
Sir, I like cats. They are not spoilt little creatures; they're intelligent, noble, and cute animals. I like cute things.
PS: A dragon is not an animal, Sir; it's mythical creature.
And for the record, Colonel,
I think you’re cute.
14.57 : Jack O'Neill
Major, how many times have I told you that I forbid you to say that I'm cute? That is so uncool.
PS: A dragon is an animal,
Major. Haven't you heard anything about the Komodo Dragon? It's real, not
mythical.
14.57 : Sam Carter
But Sir, I'm not saying, I'm typing.
PS: My apologies, Sir.
But if you want me to compare you with a reptile, who am I to protest?
14.58 : Jack O'Neill
You know, that reason is getting old.
OK, I forbid you to say AND type that I am cute.
There!
PS: As long as you don't
think that a reptile is cute, you have no objections from me.
14.58 : Sam Carter
No saying and typing that you are cute. Got it.
PS: You were that desperate,
Sir?
14.58 : Jack O'Neill
Carter! You're doing it again.
PS: I'm not desperate.
I just want to drop this whole 'cute' subject. It gives me a creep.
14.58 : Sam Carter
Sorry, Sir. Definitely no more mentioning the fact that you are cute.
PS: A creep?
14.58 : Jack O'Neill
Major!
14.58 : Sam Carter
Yes, Sir?
14.58 : Jack O'Neill
Forget it.
I'm tired arguing like
this. I should have known that I wouldn't get anywhere.
14.58 : Sam Carter
Aye, Sir. I can't remember
a thing already.
14.58 : Jack O'Neill
You should learn to respect
your elders more, you know that?
14.58 : Sam Carter
What do you mean, Sir?
I am respectful to anyone who deserves it.
14.59 : Jack O'Neill
Are you saying that I
don't deserve your respect?
14.59 : Sam Carter
Don't be ridiculous,
Sir. Of course I respect you.
14.59 : Jack O'Neill
Oh yeah? I suppose that's
why you've been making fun of me.
14.59 : Sam Carter
I'm making fun of you?
Since when?
14.59 : Jack O'Neill
Carter!
14.59 : Sam Carter
Sorry, Sir. I couldn't
resist it.
14.59 : Jack O'Neill
I'll forgive you, as
long as you allow me to ride your bike.
14.59 : Sam Carter
Between my bike and your forgiveness, I'm afraid that I must choose my bike.
Nice try though, Sir.
15.00 : Jack O'Neill
Damn it!
Oh well, can't blame
a guy for trying, can I?
15.00 : Sam Carter
It's nothing personal.
I can't let anyone else ride him, Sir. Not even you. Sorry.
15.00 : Jack O'Neill
Selfish.
15.00 : Sam Carter
You don't let anyone
else play on your PlayStation either, Sir.
15.00 : Jack O'Neill
It's different.
15.00 : Sam Carter
How is it different?
15.00 : Jack O'Neill
Any name other than mine
in the top score list is not acceptable.
15.00 : Sam Carter
That just proves my point.
15.00 : Jack O'Neill
What point?
15.00 : Sam Carter
Never mind. I have to
go, Sir. Someone had just entered my lab. I’ll talk to you later.
15.01 : Jack O'Neill
Carter? What point?
15.06 : Jack O'Neill
Carter? Are you there?
***
15.46 : Sam Carter
Sorry, Sir. But Dr. Felger
had just come by my lab and was asking for some advice about a project
that he was working on.
15.46 : Jack O'Neill
Felger? The geek who
disobeyed my direct orders, TWICE?
15.46 : Sam Carter
That's him.
15.47 : Jack O'Neill
Carter, do me a favour.
Don't encourage him.
15.47 : Sam Carter
Don't encourage him to
do what?
15.47 : Jack O'Neill
Don't play the innocent
with me, Major. You know very well what I'm talking about. I could've
sworn that he had the worst case of hero-worship I've ever encountered.
15.47 : Sam Carter
I think you are just
peeved because he laid a hand on your dear PlayStation, Sir.
15.47 : Jack O'Neill
It's not true.
You, Daniel and Teal'c
touched it too, but I don't have anything against you guys.
15.47 : Sam Carter
Yes, but we didn't drop it to the floor and break it.
Besides, how can you
peeved at me? It was my hands that fixed the Playstation for you.
15.48 : Jack O'Neill
Yes, yes, genius. You don't have to rub that fact into my face. I remember it perfectly. Every time I turn it on, the screen says 'Welcome to Colonel Jonathan O'Neill's PlayStation. Proudly fixed by Major Samantha Carter' for about five seconds. You need a hobby, you know that.
BTW, what if one of us
got promoted (or demoted)?
15.48 : Sam Carter
I have a hobby, Sir. Riding my bike and dismantling alien technology.
Besides, its called taking pride in my work.
If one of us got promoted
(or demoted), I could always make an adjustment.
15.48 : Jack O'Neill
Yeah, yeah, whatever.
Hey, can I write something
on your bike then?
15.48 : Sam Carter
Don't even think about
it.
15.48 : Jack O'Neill
Can I slap a sticker
on it, then?
15.48 : Sam Carter
Depends on what the sticker
is, Sir.
15.48 : Jack O'Neill
SG-1's insignia. It'll
look cool, I promise.
15.48 : Sam Carter
Well, that is acceptable.
Although if someone asked what SG-1 is, I really don't know what to say.
I need to think about it, Sir.
15.48 : Jack O'Neill
Oh come on! We could
always make up something. Say that it was your secret society that you
joined back in high school. No one would suspect anything. Or say that
it stands for Sam's Gadget #1.
15.49 : Sam Carter
Sam's Gadget #1? How
did you come up with this, Sir?
15.49 : Jack O'Neill
That’s for me to know
and for you to find out.
15.49 : Sam Carter
Alright. I guess having a SG-1 sticker on my bike would look 'cool' after all.
Are you sure that we
didn't break any rules, Sir? The SGC and everything that related to it
is top secret after all.
15.49 : Jack O'Neill
Hey, you know me and
rules.
15.49 : Sam Carter
Yeah, how I wish I don't
though.
15.49 : Jack O'Neill
Now that’s sorted, can
we talk about something else? Like when will we get the results from the
shrink?
15.49 : Sam Carter
The shrink will received
the edited version on Monday, Sir. If everything goes to plan, we'll have
the results by Friday or by next Monday.
15.49 : Jack O'Neill
Are you going to send
it to one shrink only?
15.49 : Sam Carter
Sir?
15.49 : Jack O'Neill
Well, I mean to avoid
any foul play. Don't you think we should get a second or third opinion?
15.50 : Sam Carter
Good point. But this
is only a test; I think we could afford 'foul play'. Besides, the only
ones that would read the results are just General Hammond and myself.
15.50 : Jack O'Neill
Excuse me? You and Hammond?
What about me?
15.50 : Sam Carter
Er, to be honest, Sir,
we (the General and I) think that it will depend on what the shrink said.
We know how strongly you feel about shrinks, so we couldn't risk you having
a go at the shrink (if the results didn’t please you). And yes Sir, we
know that you could get his/her name even though we didn't tell you. You
are a very resourceful individual.
15.50 : Jack O'Neill
I'm glad to see that
the two of you have such faith in me.
15.50 : Sam Carter
Anyway Sir, I have to
go and do my job. I want to take care of everything so that I won't have
to come to the SGC tomorrow.
15.50 : Jack O'Neill
OK. You have fun doing
your job.
15.50 : Sam Carter
I will. Thanks.
***
20.07 : Sam Carter
Sir, Daniel was just
questioning me during dinner. He was concerned about you. He said that
you were spending too much time with your Palm. You seem to be neglecting
your GameBoy, PlayStation and yo-yo lately.
20.08 : Jack O'Neill
Hey, it was your fault.
You installed some cool
games in the Palm.
20.08 : Sam Carter
It was only Solitaire,
Minesweepers and PinBall.
20.08 : Jack O'Neill
Well, it's addictive.
20.08 : Sam Carter
Anyway Sir, I just want to let you know that you had better be a little discreet with it. Or else, the others will find out about this journal. And I'm quite sure that you didn't want *that* to happen.
I told Daniel that I
did you a favour and made the Palm a lot more interesting than just a normal
one. And I also told him that this is just a phase; you will come out of
it, eventually.
20.08 : Jack O'Neill
Phase? Don't you think
I'm a bit too old to go through a phase?
20.08 : Sam Carter
Well, to be honest ... no.
Anyway, if you can bring
the Palm to my lab now, I'll do some upgrades and install some more programs
on it, so that if Daniel decides to play detective, he'll find nothing
suspicious.
20.09 : Jack O'Neill
This upgrading thingy
won't erase the memory inside the Palm, will it?
20.09 : Sam Carter
Don't worry, Colonel.
All the high scores that you have so far won't be erased. I'm not that
cruel.
20.09 : Jack O'Neill
Sure you're not that
cruel. You're a lot more than cruel - you're sadistic.
20.09 : Sam Carter
Thank you. You think
too highly about me, Sir.
20.09 : Jack O'Neill
Carter, that's not a
compliment.
20.09 : Sam Carter
It's not? Oh well, I’ll
take it as one anyway.
20.09 : Jack O'Neill
Someday, Major, someday,
I'll make you speechless. Just watch it.
20.09 : Sam Carter
I'll be waiting.
20.10 : Jack O'Neill
I'm coming to your lab
now.
***
23.34 : Jack O'Neill
Hey, where are you?
23.35 : Sam Carter
My house, Sir. I'm just
preparing to go to sleep. My bike and I have a big day tomorrow. What about
you, what are you going to do tomorrow?
23.35 : Jack O'Neill
I don't know, maybe I'll
just go harassing Daniel.
23.35 : Sam Carter
Sir?
23.35 : Jack O'Neill
Daniel is being too nosey
for his own good.
23.35 : Sam Carter
What has he done now?
23.35 : Jack O'Neill
He wanted to borrow my
Palm, saying that he didn't understand why I spend so much time with it.
23.35 : Sam Carter
Ah. And did you lend
it to him?
23.35 : Jack O'Neill
Yes, for about ten minutes.
But afterwards, I made him promise not to play any games on it.
23.36 : Sam Carter
What about the journal?
23.36 : Jack O'Neill
Don't worry. I wasn't
logged in at that moment, and I'm pretty sure that Daniel doesn't know
the password.
23.36 : Sam Carter
And what did Daniel say
after that?
23.36 : Jack O'Neill
He asked me where I got
it. So I said that you gave it to me, as it was a prototype of a communication
device that all SG-team members will soon have.
23.36 : Sam Carter
And he believed you?
23.36 : Jack O'Neill
Well, he said he did, but I know better. He knew something was up. Like I said, he is too nosey for his own good.
I wonder if we could
lock him in a closet with the Doc. That ought to teach him a lesson.
23.36 : Sam Carter
Are you sure you want
to face the wrath of Janet, Sir?
23.37 : Jack O'Neill
Well, she wouldn't know
who did it, would she? And you better not turn into a traitor this time,
Major.
23.36 : Sam Carter
I don't have to. There's
only a handful of people who dare to do that to her. And I'm pretty sure
that your name is at the top of the list.
23.37 : Jack O'Neill
I could make it look
like an accident.
23.37 : Sam Carter
No offence, Sir, but
even if Daniel didn't realise it was your doing, Janet would see through
it. She has a third eye for things like this, being a parent *and* a Doctor.
23.37 : Jack O'Neill
You're right. I have
to have a partner in crime. Someone who would give me an alibi and it has
to be someone trustworthy. Someone Janet trusts.
23.37 : Sam Carter
Er, Sir, I was trying
to put you off, not giving you an advice.
23.37 : Jack O'Neill
Don't worry, Carter,
even if I do get caught, your name won't came up.
23.37 : Sam Carter
Sir, that's not what
I meant.
23.38 : Jack O'Neill
Whatever. Hey, can you think of someone who will fit the criteria? Ferretti is definitely not an option; Janet doesn't trust him, any more than she trusts me. Teal'c, well, it's going to be a pain to explain this to him, and I'm quite sure that he will deliberately screw it up somehow. But being the devious alien that he is, he will pretend to know nothing about it. Coburn is off-world, I couldn't ask him.
Any suggestions?
23.38 : Sam Carter
No way, I'm not going
to be involved in this. You can forget about it.
23.38 : Jack O'Neill
Come on, Carter. Why
can't you just do this one tiny weenie little favour for me?
23.38 : Sam Carter
Janet's wrath is not
worth it. Sorry Sir, but you’re all alone in this.
23.38 : Jack O'Neill
Carter, you better help
me, or your bike will suffer the consequences.
23.38 : Sam Carter
Hey, leave my bike out
of this.
23.38 : Jack O'Neill
You said it yourself;
I'm a very resourceful individual. What makes you think that I couldn't
do my best and get my hand on your precious bike?
23.38 : Sam Carter
Colonel, you wouldn't
dare!
23.39 : Jack O'Neill
Wouldn't I?
23.39 : Sam Carter
Colonel O'Neill, please,
this is so unfair.
23.39 : Jack O'Neill
More unfair than you
making fun of my life?
23.39 : Sam Carter
But I never use blackmail
against you.
23.39 : Jack O'Neill
Not all blackmail has
to be said aloud.
23.39 : Sam Carter
Sir? Don't make me choose
between my bike and Janet. You wouldn't if you had to choose between Daniel
and your GameBoy as well.
23.39 : Jack O'Neill
What are you talking
about? Of course I choose my GameBoy. Daniel can take care of himself.
As can Janet.
23.39 : Sam Carter
Fine, fine. I’ll help you.
Ask Dr. Felger, he would
do anything for you.
23.40 : Jack O'Neill
Carter. Anyone but him.
I don't want to owe him
anything.
23.40 : Sam Carter
Siler then. Janet has
a soft spot for him, he is a regular visitor to the infirmary and unlike
you, Sir, he is not a difficult patient.
23.40 : Jack O'Neill
Good choice. Thanks Carter.
Are you sure that you
don't want to take credit on this? I’ll pull it off with class, I promise.
23.40 : Sam Carter
I pass, Sir.
And please, be gentle
with Daniel; he has just got his memory back.
23.40 : Jack O'Neill
Don't worry. I won't
overdo things, much.
23.40 : Sam Carter
I'll deny all knowledge
about this scheme of yours.
23.40 : Jack O'Neill
You do that.
23.40 : Sam Carter
And remember, no credit
whatsoever.
23.41 : Jack O'Neill
No worries. Have a great
Sunday, Carter.
23.41 : Sam Carter
Thanks Sir, and try not
to have too much fun with Daniel and Janet.
23.41 : Jack O'Neill
I'll try, but I'm not
promising anything.
23.41 : Sam Carter
Oh yeah, I'm going out
for the whole day tomorrow, and I won't bring my Palm with me, thus no
journal. But I'll have my cell phone and beeper with me, just in case.
23.41 : Jack O'Neill
OK, you have fun with
your bike, I'll have fun with Daniel.
23.41 : Sam Carter
Night, Sir.
23.42 : Jack O'Neill
Goodnight, Carter. Sleep
well.
***
Note: So, because SG-9 is off-world, I need to think of a new storyline. And Daniel is just right over there, I hope you don't mind. The next will be 'His Plan and Her Project', Sam was a little bit worry.
PS: I'm still waiting for your bloopers, people. :) Some people already send theirs (I love you guys), so there's no reason why you shouldn't.