TITLE: Fighting for the Future

AUTHOR: Jez- jez@samandjack.net

CATEGORY: Sam/Jack, post-ep, angst.

STATUS: Complete

RATING: PG13

CONTENT WARNING: none

SEASON/SEQUEL: Season 6. Sequel to 'Tragedy'.

SPOILERS: Abyss

ARCHIVE: SJD and my site please.

SUMMARY: Sam and Jack need to deal with the events of his blending. Post ep for Abyss.

DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognizable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

AUTHORS NOTES: This is a sequel to Tragedy, but it could be a stand-alone piece. If you want to read the first one, check it out at the SJD or my site (http://pink-martini.net/jez/).

FEEDBACK: Yes Please! I love to know what you think.

Copyright © Jez, December 2004.

~~o0o~~

Janet let her take him home and Sam had to wonder at the wisdom in that move. Of course Janet hadn't thought anything of it. As far as she was concerned, SG-1's second was just doing her CO a favor by playing babysitter. He was, after all, well enough to whine about being stuck in the infirmary, just not well enough to be left alone.

Sam walked into the infirmary to find Jack dressed and waiting for her. He smiled as he spotted her. It was a little worn around the edges, but it was a smile none the less and Sam wondered if maybe he didn't remember everything that had happened before his blending. How could he smile at her after everything that had happened? Everything she had done?

"Where's Janet?" she asked.

"She's just getting me some pills or something," he replied, shrugging. "Thanks for agreeing to rescue me."

She nodded but didn't reply, unsure of how to approach him. If he'd been angry at her, she'd know how to deal with it, but she wasn't sure how to handle him acting as if she'd done nothing wrong.

"Ah, Sam," Janet greeted, as she walked in behind her. "You're ready to get him out of my hair?"

She chuckled, just as she knew she was expected to do. "He's been that bad, huh?"

"Worse," Janet replied.

"Uh, hello, I am in the room," he groused.

Janet chuckled, but continued to address Sam. "Okay, no alcohol, no driving and he needs to eat properly." She handed Sam a bottle of pills. "These are for his headaches."

Sam nodded. "Okay. Anything else?"

Janet shook her head. "No. Good luck."

Sam nodded again and looked to Jack. "Ready to go, sir?"

"Oh, you remembered I'm here," he muttered, getting to his feet. "How nice of you."

Janet chuckled. "I'll see you for your check-up in three days, sir," she reminded him.

He nodded. "Yes, ma'am."

*****

Jack got himself comfortable in his truck, watching as Sam walked around the hood to the driver's side. She was way too quiet for his liking. They'd hardly talked since he'd returned from Ba'al's planet. He knew that had a lot to do with them being on Base; it was difficult to talk with nurses hovering around all the time. Jack wasn't convinced that was all it was though. It seemed as if she was reluctant to be around him. He shook his head. No, it wasn't that, it had been her idea to take him home. Perhaps she was just tired. She did look exhausted and he doubted she'd slept much since he'd been sick.

"You sure you don't want me to drive?" he asked, when she got in the truck beside him.

Sam started the engine. "You're not allowed to drive," she replied, glancing at him as she backed the truck out of its spot. She must have seen him frown back at her and gave a small smile. "I'm okay."

She said no more as they went through the checkpoint at the front gate and headed down the mountain. Jack was unsure how to break the silence, so settled for reaching across the cab and laying a hand on her thigh. He saw her relax visibly, reaching down to give his hand a squeeze before placing hers back on the wheel.

Somewhat relieved by her actions, he relaxed in his seat.

*****

"Jack," Sam called, reaching out and gently shaking him. "Come on, we're home."

"Hmm?" he mumbled, still half asleep.

"We're home," she repeated, running a hand through his hair. "You'll sleep better in your own bed."

He mumbled again, undoing his seatbelt and slipping out of the truck beside her. Sam slipped her arm around him and led him to the front door. He leaned heavily against her and she wondered how much of his weakness was due to him being half asleep and how much was physical weakness from his ordeal. He'd seemed a little slower back at the mountain, but he'd certainly made it out of there under his own steam. Had that been his pride taking over, not wanting anyone to see him as helpless?

His eyes were almost fully closed by the time the got to the front door. She propped him up against the wall while she opened it, before once more helping him walk into the house. She kicked the door shut and headed straight for his room. He dropped down on the bed when they got there, not even bothering to take his shoes off. Sam sighed and started pulling off his shoes and socks. She undid his belt and fly easy enough, but had a little trouble tugging his pants off without his help. "Jack," she sighed, "a little cooperation would be nice."

He groaned something unintelligible, but lifted his hips enough for her to pull off his pants. "Thanks," she muttered. She finally got him undressed so he was only in his undershirt and boxers. Satisfied, she covered him up and then sat on the edge of the bed by his side. It was then that she noticed just how bad he looked. He was pale, his face drawn and the lines deeper then they had been. She had done this to him. She'd reduced the self-assured smartass to this shell of a man before her. How could she have been so selfish as to put her own desperate need to keep him alive ahead of his safety and sanity?

She couldn't bear to be beside him at that moment. She didn't feel like she deserved to be in his presence after what she had put him through. She got to her feet and fled the room. She made it to the front door, but couldn't make herself leave. "You did this," she growled to herself. "Your cowardice did this to him. You'd better stick around and fix it."

She slid down the door and sobbed.

*****

Jack was disoriented when he woke up. It took him a moment to remember how he'd ended up in his bed. He smiled slightly and looked to his left, but there was no one by his side. He frowned. Where was she? A quick glance at the clock told him it was far too late for her to be up, especially with how tired she'd looked earlier. He'd bet all his savings that she'd barely slept since he'd gotten sick in Antarctica.

His body protested, but he dragged himself out of bed to search for her. For one frightening moment, he wondered if she'd taken off and left him, but he shook that thought from his head. She had to know how much he needed her right now. He walked down the hall and found her curled up on the floor, in front of the fire.

"What are you still doing up?" he asked.

He watched as she stiffened, but she didn't turn towards him. "I'm sorry," she eventually whispered.

"Sorry for what?" He walked further into the room when she didn't say anything. His heart wrenched when he saw her tears. "Sam?" he questioned.

"I should never have forced you to do that. I knew how you felt about becoming a host and I still made you do it. I can't believe I was so selfish!"

Jack frowned in confusion. "You didn't force me to do anything. I know I was a little out of it, but I distinctly remember giving my permission."

She turned towards him, anger flashing in her blue eyes. Jack knew it wasn't directed at him, but was perplexed all the same. "I knew that all I had to do was ask and you'd do it for me. I mean, you even said no and I pushed you into changing your mind! How could I have done that? After all I went through with Jolinar--"

"Hang on," he interrupted. "What happened to me was nothing like your experience with Jolinar. I knew what was happening; I was at least somewhat prepared for it." He walked over to her. "And Kanan left me. I have no memories that aren't mine, no protein marker or naquadah. I won't lie and say it was a pleasant experience and yes, there were a few times when I wanted to die while being tortured, but it ended up okay, Sam." He tried to lighten the mood. "Hell, my knees have never felt better!"

She didn't smile. "It doesn't change the fact that I made you do something you swore you'd never do," she insisted. "And that, in turn, led to you being tortured."

Jack sighed, wondering why she was so intent on punishing herself. "I knew I was dying, Sam. I knew that it was either become a host or death and when I said no, I thought I meant it. But then I looked at you through that hazmat suit you had on and do you know what I thought about? My life didn't flash before my eyes or any of those other clichés. I wondered who would be there for you when I died. Who would hold you all night while you cried out your grief? Who would pick you up and get you to start living? I knew Teal'c would be there for you, in his own quiet way, and of course Doc Fraiser would. But then I suddenly realized that none of them would have been there for you. Not because they're cold and uncaring, but because you wouldn't have told them. They would have known you were grieving for someone you cared for, but not someone you were in a relationship with, not someone you admitted to being in love with. I couldn't let that happen, Sam. I couldn't let you go through those dark times that I went through after Charlie. I love you too much to allow you to go there."

He moved to kneel in front of her, lifting her chin so he could look in her eyes. "You didn't make me do anything against my will, baby. All you did was make me realize that I have too much to live for. I had a chance to be healed and I would have been a coward not to take it." He brushed the tears from her cheeks, smiling tenderly at her. "I promised you that I would never let you go and I meant it."

"I still don't know if I can handle that you went through all that for me," she admitted.

The tears had stopped, but her voice was still thick. Jack wondered how long she'd been crying. "For us, Sam. I did this for us and I would do it again in a heartbeat." He grasped her hand, bringing the knuckles to his lips and kissing them softly. "I want us to have a future together and I'll fight for that future, no matter what."

The look she gave him was intense. "That's all I was trying to do," she told him. "I can't imagine a future without you." She shook her head. "I don't even want to try."

"Then don't try, Sam, because I'm here and as long as I have a say in it, I'll continue to be here. I promised you that." He reached out and cupped her cheek. "I don't blame you for Kanan, so please stop blaming yourself."

He moved forward and kissed her. He knew he couldn't solve anything with a kiss, but he could remind her that their love - while considered against regulations - was worth everything they sacrificed, everything they risked. He loved her and that was worth fighting for.

THE END