TITLE : His Headache and Her Enterprise
AUTHOR: Blue Topaz
EMAIL: blue-topaz@lycos.com
RATING: PG.
CATEGORY: Humor
PAIRING: Sam/Jack
SPOILER: none
SUMMARY: Sam and Jack are forced to write a journal together. Day 16.
SERIES: 12th story in 'His and Hers' www.geocities.com/bluetopazfic/index#hah
ARCHIVE: SJD and Carterfic
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. No copyright infringement is intended. Please do not post or distribute this story without the author's permission. Copyright by Blue Topaz, 2003
Note: Note: Thanks to everyone who had send me their reviews and feedback. It does encourages me to write more. And thanks to Aud who beta-read this one for me. And yeah, I realized that I've given you the wrong title in previous story, it was one of a few options that I have for this one. But I think this one is much appropriate title to use. You'll see why.
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URL of this story (for
better formatting):
www.geocities.com/bluetopazfic/hisandhers12.htm
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*Tuesday, 22 July 2003*
11.32 : Jack O'Neill
Carter, do you realize
that there are rumors going around the SGC that you are having an affair
with Felger? And believe it or not, people are asking me for confirmation.
What do you want me to say to them?
11.33 : Sam Carter
Are you serious? Jay
and me? An affair?
11.33 : Jack O'Neill
Yes, I am. And yes, you
and that geek. Having an affair.
11.33 : Sam Carter
You do realize that technically,
I'm a geek too. And technically, for me to have an affair, I must have
a husband or a boyfriend. The last time I checked, I still lacked either.
11.33 : Jack O'Neill
Yes, but you are a cool
geek. And technically, you know how to use a P-90 too. Thus, I will never
say it out loud. And you were having an affair because apparently, you
and one of the other SG-1 members, (me, Daniel or Teal'c, some even speculated
that it was Jonas) had been seeing each other behind everyone else's back.
11.33 : Sam Carter
As bizarre as this conversation
turns, can you please confirm that you didn't make that gossip up.
11.33 : Jack O'Neill
Not me. Maybe Felger's
been boasting about his 'date' with you. Who knows? But it's definitely
not me who revealed this new piece of information.
11.33 : Sam Carter
It's not a date. And
I think you were right when you said that it'd send him the wrong signals.
I'm going to cancel it.
11.33 : Jack O'Neill
Are you sure you can
handle a grown man crying, Carter? I bet that is what he'll do when you
call the whole thing off. Imagine his eyes glistening with tears, and then
the pathetic sobbing will start ...
11.33 : Sam Carter
Are you serious? It won't
be that bad, will it?
11.33 : Jack O'Neill
Just let me know when
you're going to break the news - or his heart for that matter, I want to
see it. It should be a very fine piece of entertainment.
11.34 : Sam Carter
You're the kind of person
who takes pleasure from the suffering of others, aren't you?
11.34 : Jack O'Neill
That's me alright. And
don't you dare deny that you're not the same. I know you.
11.34 : Sam Carter
I'm not denying it. But
I'm not confirming it, either.
11.34 : Jack O'Neill
Sweet. So be a good girl
and share your fun, OK?
11.34 : Sam Carter
With all due respect, Sir; IN YOUR DREAMS.
If I'm going to do it,
I'll do it in private, away from prying eyes such as yours.
11.34 : Jack O'Neill
You've wounded me. I'm
not prying. I'm witnessing an important event.
11.34 : Sam Carter
You're not very convincing
in acting like the 'wounded man'. There is no desperation or hurt in your
writing. You need more practice, Sir.
11.34 : Jack O'Neill
Fine, fine. Go break
that geek's heart in private. You don't have to insult me.
11.34 : Sam Carter
You make it sound as
if I'm a cold-hearted woman.
11.34 : Jack O'Neill
Nah. An evil woman is
more like it.
11.34 : Sam Carter
What's wrong with evil?
Evil is good.
11.35 : Jack O'Neill
Yes it is. As long as
I'm not the victim, then I enjoy your evilness immensely.
11.35 : Sam Carter
I'm glad that you like
it. It's nice to know that you at least appreciate my work in that department.
11.35 : Jack O'Neill
What are you saying?
I always appreciate all your work.
11.35 : Sam Carter
Sure. That's why you
always ask whether the project that I'm currently working on involves the
creation of a big honking space gun or not.
11.35 : Jack O'Neill
You can't blame me for pestering you for that! Who knows, one day you will finally succumb and spend all your precious time creating that gun I've been wanting to fire up the Goa'ulds' ass. I'll guarantee that it'll be time worth spending.
O'Neill's third lesson
in life: Ask (constantly), and thy shall receive.
11.35 : Sam Carter
It's more like: 'Bug
people (constantly), and they shall do whatever I say, whether they like
it or not' to me.
11.35 : Jack O'Neill
You're a very perceptive
person, Major. I like that.
11.36 : Sam Carter
Flattery won't get you
anywhere, Colonel. Creating a weapon like that would be beyond my capabilities.
11.36 : Jack O'Neill
Since when did that ever
stop you? You have a knack of doing impossible things, don't you?
11.36 : Sam Carter
Whoops, look at the time.
I have to go now. Janet and I are having lunch together. Probably off-base.
I'll see you at the 15.00 briefing.
11.36 : Jack O'Neill
You're getting good at
avoiding my questions.
11.36 : Sam Carter
I have a good mentor.
But I've really gotta go now, Sir.
11.36 : Jack O'Neill
OK. Enjoy your lunch.
11.36 : Sam Carter
Thanks. Do you want me
to buy you something while I'm in town?
11.36 : Jack O'Neill
Nah, you and the Doc
go have your girly meeting.
11.37 : Sam Carter
Girly meeting?
11.37 : Jack O'Neill
Yes. Is there something
wrong with that?
11.37 : Sam Carter
Anyone else, I wouldn't
let them get away with it. But because it's you, I guess I have to let
this one go.
11.37 : Jack O'Neill
Sweet.
11.37 : Sam Carter
See you later, Colonel.
11.37 : Jack O'Neill
See you, Carter. Have
fun with the Doc.
***
14.37 : Jack O'Neill
Carter, I saw Daniel
engrossed in his new Palm in the commissary. Have you just given it to
him?
14.37 : Sam Carter
Yes, Sir. That's the
Palm that I promised him last week.
14.38 : Jack O'Neill
He wouldn't happen to
have access to this journal, would he?
14.38 : Sam Carter
No, no. I didn't install
that function on his. He won't need it anyway.
14.38 : Jack O'Neill
Good. For a moment, I
was a bit worried there.
14.38 : Sam Carter
Worried? Why?
14.38 : Jack O'Neill
Because if Daniel is
joining us, you'll stop being the annoying, calculating, manipulating and
not to mention the witty person that you are, and transform back to being
your usual self.
14.38 : Sam Carter
Er ... can you rephrase
that in terms that don't make me feel insulted?
14.38 : Jack O'Neill
Sure.
If Daniel's here, you'll
stop being honest with me.
14.38 : Sam Carter
What are you talking
about? I'm always honest with you.
14.38 : Jack O'Neill
Maybe 'honest' wasn't
such a good word to describe it. What I mean is, you'll withhold yourself,
given our working relationship and our ranks in the military, in front
of the others. There is something that you can't and won't speak out loud.
But here, because it's just the two of us, there's nothing to restrict
you. And if Daniel was here, then that's what will happen.
14.39 : Sam Carter
I can see your point.
Even though I love Daniel like a brother, he is not 'us', is he?
14.39 : Jack O'Neill
No, he's not. And I love
having something that is exclusively for us. I want to keep it that way.
14.39 : Sam Carter
Me too.
14.39 : Jack O'Neill
Alright, now that it
is sorted, have you told Felger yet?
14.39 : Sam Carter
Yes, I have.
14.39 : Jack O'Neill
And?
14.39 : Sam Carter
And what?
14.39 : Jack O'Neill
What happened? Did he
cry? Did he scream? Or did he just go mental?
14.39 : Sam Carter
None of the above. I
hope.
14.39 : Jack O'Neill
You hope? What do you
mean 'you hope'?
14.39 : Sam Carter
I sent him an email.
I've been busy.
14.39 : Jack O'Neill
Carter, Carter, Carter.
I thought I taught you better than this.
14.40 : Sam Carter
He wasn't in today. And
I don't want to postpone the cancellation any longer. It's better for him
to know about it earlier, rather than later. I did say that I was very
sorry, though. And I also explained the whole misunderstanding to him.
14.40 : Jack O'Neill
I can't believe that
I feel sorry for Felger. Getting dumped by email. How sad is that?
14.40 : Sam Carter
I was not 'dumping' him.
We never were an item to begin with.
14.40 : Jack O'Neill
That's not what the grapevine
said, the last time I heard.
14.40 : Sam Carter
Dare I ask, what was
it saying?
14.40 : Jack O'Neill
Probably not. But you're not the kind of girl who gets scared easily, are you?
So, here's the deal.
Felger was planning to propose to you tonight. And don't shoot me; I'm
just the messenger, but it appears that the reason why he was proposing
is because you were carrying his child.
14.40 : Sam Carter
I'm what? Have they gone
mad?
14.40 : Jack O'Neill
Nope. MacKenzie's monthly
report doesn't indicate that. They are perfectly sane.
14.40 : Sam Carter
Maybe he should run the
assessments again, I'm sure the results will come out differently than
the previous ones.
14.40 : Jack O'Neill
Enough with that. So
what did you actually say in the email?
14.41 : Sam Carter
Well, I said that I've
been busy, and that I was afraid I couldn't make it for the dinner that
he invited me to. I also subtly explained that I didn't actually say 'yes'
to the invitation anyway. Believe me when I tell you that you would be
very proud of me if you read what I had written. It was stylishly done.
14.41 : Jack O'Neill
Rejection is a rejection,
no matter how thick you sugarcoat the words. He must have been very upset
when he read it.
14.41 : Sam Carter
Well, if you are that
concerned about him, maybe you could cheer him up, Sir. You know how much
he looks up to you.
14.41 : Jack O'Neill
There are things that
I would not do. Even for you.
14.41 : Sam Carter
Seriously, what's wrong
with him anyway?
14.41 : Jack O'Neill
He's a geek.
14.41 : Sam Carter
So am I.
14.41 : Jack O'Neill
But you are a cool geek.
MY geek.
14.41 : Sam Carter
Yes, you said that already.
And I know how to use a P-90 too. But honestly, he knows how to do that
now. And he's also kinda cool, in a scientific kind of way.
14.42 : Jack O'Neill
See. That's why I never
saw him as a cool guy.
14.42 : Sam Carter
I guess I could let you
off this time. Anyway, I have to go now, see you in the briefing.
14.42 : Jack O'Neill
OK. Bye.
14.42 : Sam Carter
Bye.
***
15.07 : Jack O'Neill
Hey, I just remembered
something, what did you say to Griff? He looked at me funny in the commissary
earlier.
***
15.10 : Jack O'Neill
Carter, do you copy?
***
15.14 : Jack O'Neill
Major, stop ignoring
me! And that's an order.
***
15.16 : Sam Carter
Colonel, we've talked about this earlier, didn't we? Messaging each other during briefings is very risky. I thought you had agreed not to do it anymore.
Obviously, you still think that this is a good idea.
And please stop nudging
me with your elbow. I'm sitting next to you, why can't we just pass notes
like normal people do?
15.16 : Jack O'Neill
Because we're not normal
people. And we do risky things every day, why should this one be different?
15.17 : Sam Carter
Because THIS risky thing
could cost us our jobs.
15.17 : Jack O'Neill
And this is bad, how?
15.17 : Sam Carter
OK, our jobs and my professionalism
in the eye of the general population. How's that?
15.17 : Jack O'Neill
And this is worse, how?
15.17 : Sam Carter
Colonel ...
15.17 : Jack O'Neill
I'll let this one go
if you tell me what you said to Griff.
15.17 : Sam Carter
I just let him know that
there are other ways to get what he wants from you. He didn't have to do
everything that you asked him to do. I said that he was welcome to join
the 'Manipulating Colonel O'Neill 101' class. It only costs $20 per hour,
a very good price for the new skills that he will have acquired once he
finishes the course.
15.18 : Jack O'Neill
Ha ha. Come on, Carter,
be honest with me.
15.18 : Sam Carter
I am being honest with
you.
15.18 : Jack O'Neill
Major ...
15.18 : Sam Carter
I am.
15.18 : Jack O'Neill
This is a real deal,
isn't it? You're being serious, aren't you?
15.18 : Sam Carter
Yes, and yes. Daniel and I co-organized this course. Sometimes Teal'c helps too. It's a fun class to be in, Sir. Trust me when I say that we have no problem with getting people to join. It's very popular.
And it's such easy money
to make, too.
***
15.20 : Sam Carter
Are you alright, Sir?
It's so unusual for you to be this quiet.
15.20 : Jack O'Neill
I have a headache.
15.20 : Sam Carter
Now that I've told you
what you wanted to know, can I go back to concentrating on Daniel? This
is a briefing after all ... Sir.
15.21 : Jack O'Neill
Yeah, yeah. Do whatever
you want. Like what I say matters to you anyway.
15.21 : Sam Carter
Sure it matters. I'll
talk to you later, OK? Don't panic too much, it wasn't that bad.
15.21 : Jack O'Neill
Easy for you to say.
Just give me some time to recover first.
15.21 : Sam Carter
You can take all the
time you want.
***
18.09 : Jack O'Neill
Alright, I've thought this through and there is only one thing that I could come up with.
I know that there is
no point in telling you to stop this illegal activity, so I'll settle for
compensation instead. I want a 50% cut from the profits for copyright infringement.
And this is a non-negotiable term.
18.09 : Sam Carter
50%? You kidding, right?
18.10 : Jack O'Neill
No. 50% or I'll tell
the General about this little enterprise of yours.
18.10 : Sam Carter
Ah ... you forgot one little thing about that treat, Sir. You don't actually have proof about my entrepreneur status.
Besides, is this how
you repay my honesty? I could have left you in the dark forever, but I
was being a good friend, and let you know about this.
18.10 : Jack O'Neill
A good friend, huh? Tell
me, how long has this been going on then?
18.10 : Sam Carter
Do you want the honest
answer or the vague answer?
18.10 : Jack O'Neill
Oh no. That long?
18.10 : Sam Carter
That long.
18.10 : Jack O'Neill
My headache is coming
back.
18.10 : Sam Carter
Tell you what, every
time we go on a team night out, you don't have to pay for anything, how's
that? We'll use the profit for that instead.
18.11 : Jack O'Neill
Carter, my headache.
18.11 : Sam Carter
Get some rest, Sir. We'll
talk about this later.
18.11 : Jack O'Neill
Oh, I can assure you
that we will.
***
22.34 : Jack O'Neill
Okay, okay, I accept your offer.
I'm not happy with it,
but hey, that's the best that I could do.
22.34 : Sam Carter
You won't regret it.
22.34 : Jack O'Neill
It better be the case.
Or else, you're the one who will regret it.
22.34 : Sam Carter
Don't worry, you won't.
Has the headache gone yet?
22.34 : Jack O'Neill
Not completely, but I'll
live. I think I'm going to turn in early tonight, it's been a long day,
thanks to you.
22.35 : Sam Carter
Yes, it has. Sorry to
drop the bombshell so suddenly like that, Sir, but you asked for it.
22.35 : Jack O'Neill
Why did you tell me about
this now, and not earlier?
22.35 : Sam Carter
I don't know. Perhaps
it's because we're on a different level of trust than we were a couple
of weeks ago.
22.35 : Jack O'Neill
I think I like the sound
of that.
22.35 : Sam Carter
Goodnight, Sir. I hope
your headache will be gone by tomorrow.
22.36 : Jack O'Neill
Thanks. Goodnight to
you too.
***
AN: The next one would
be 'His General and Her Father'. As usual, reviews, feedback and bloopers
are welcomed ;). I have one to stimulate your mind:
11.33 : Jack O'Neill
Yes, but you are a cool
geek. And technically, you know how to use a P-90 too. Thus, I will never
say it out loud. And you were having an affair because apparently, you
and I have been 'experimenting' with each other ever since we came back
from our first mission from Abydoss. Another reason why I won't say it
outloud. You 're the only person who can strangle me in my sleep.
11.33 : Sam Carter
How on Earth could they
possibly find out about that? You didn't brag about it, did you?