Title: Awareness
Author: Michelle Knight
Category: Sam & Jack, Romance, Angst
Status: Complete
Rating: R
Content Warning: Sexual situations, language
Season/Sequel info: Future
Spoilers: None
Archive: Heliopolis, SJD, Heliopolis2, my site -- all others ask
Summary: Awareness is a good thing.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Feedback: Cheerfully accepted, but not required. I'm always looking for a way to improve my writing.
Author's Notes: This is response to a challenge made 27 October 2003 on the samjacknc17 list, dealing specifically with the subject of breast cancer (October was Breast Cancer Awareness Month here in the US). Hopefully I've done the subject some justice. Thanks to my beta Jill!
Michelle
Sam looked up from her current experiment and noticed her cell phone’s notification light blinking. Who had left her a message, and why hadn’t she heard it ringing in the first place? Oh, yeah, silent mode. Duh. Looking over to the phone in her lab the first question was answered because someone, namely her former CO and current Alpha site commander, was using her desk phone to set up a tee time on the Academy’s golf course. He’d probably ask if she wanted to go along, but she hated golf nearly as much as the idea of fishing. It made her slightly nauseous; she never could deal with the smell.
Picking up the phone, Sam pushed the message button and then dialed the code to get into her voicemail. Good thing General Hammond had issued special signal boosters for all essential personnel’s cell phones so they could use them inside the mountain. There were two messages. One message was from her father, asking what type of cheese she wanted him to pick up for the burritos that they had planned to make tonight after she had gotten off work. The second came from Janet, reminding her that she had an appointment to see her at 14:00 today. Sam checked her watch: 13:56. Shit! Putting away the slides, she gathered up her jacket and headed to the infirmary, leaving a thoroughly befuddled boyfriend behind. With nothing better to do until he left to make his tee time, Jack turned and sauntered down the hall in the general direction of the infirmary.
“Well, Sam, as you know this month is Breast Cancer Awareness month . . .�
“Janet!�
“What?� Looking at her patient, then around the room, Janet realized the source of Sam’s discomfort. She just shook her head and laughed softly. Sometimes she was too much a doctor. “Oh, sorry. Sometimes I just don’t realize there aren’t many women here,� Janet apologized, feeling slightly guilty.
“No problem,� Sam responded, motioning for Janet to continue.
Janet was going over the medical spiel and literature with Sam as Jack walked into the infirmary. Since Sam’s back was to him on the bed and both women were engrossed in conversation with the other, neither noticed him approach, and he managed to hear the words “breast�, “stroke�, and “examine�. His mind suddenly stopped working, and other parts of his anatomy began to take over. . .
“Colonel O’Neill!� Janet exclaimed, surprised to see him.
Jack recovered before Sam could turn around. “Hey there, doc. What’s going on?�
“Just going over some important information with Sam here.� An idea came to her. “Say, why don’t you sit down, since this could benefit you too.� She waited patiently for a few seconds for him to get settled.
“Now, as I was saying . . .�
Janet continued her explanation until O’Neill interrupted her. “I’m sorry, Doctor, but what does this have to do with me? I’m a guy. Guys don’t get breast cancer.�
Janet sighed. This was an old argument, one that she had heard countless other times from many other people. “Well, men do have breast tissue as well, just not as much as women do. Any cell can get cancerous, but statistically the numbers of this type of cancer are much lower in men than in women. Hey, just be glad you weren’t here last month.�
“What was last month?� Jack asked, fearing the answer.
“Prostate Cancer Awareness month.� Janet informed him with a completely straight face, and Sam snorted into the brochure that she’d been flipping idly through while listening to Janet drone on.
Jack nodded, seemingly
satisfied and silently glad he wasn’t, in fact, here last
month. Sometimes he was very thankful for long offworld assignments. He
let Janet continue. Truth was, he just nodded so she would hurry up and
get the presentation over with and he could leave.
Later, while lying in bed, Sam’s breath fanning the light smattering of hair on Jack’s chest, she felt stirrings of playfulness tugging at her consciousness. She smiled against his skin.
“What?� Jack asked, his arms tightening around her, sensing her change in mood. He loved it when she was like this.
Sam looked up slightly. “You know what Janet was saying earlier about important monthly exams?�
“Uh-huh.� Not sure if he liked or didn’t like where this was going.
“I was thinking . . . how would you feel if we, said, examined each other?� Sam raised her head, looking directly into his eyes and lightly biting her lower lip. She knew what his answer would be, but she enjoyed asking him anyway.
Jack was all over that idea. Before she knew it Sam was on her back, and Jack’s hands where on her chest. “I say I like that idea. In fact, I think it’s safe to say that I like the idea very much.� Jack began to caress her flesh as Sam began to purr low in her throat, and her head dropped back down to the pillow.
The “exam� took a quite a while, and somehow his tongue, mouth and teeth became involved as Jack mumbled something about how it wasn’t fair that his hands were having all the fun. Sam felt one of his hands travel down her stomach and slide in between her legs, caressing and teasing her as she arched her back to try and maximize the pressure. Jack chuckled knowingly as he pressed her clit downward and against her body, rubbing the base against her flesh. Sam’s body responded to the new sensation, and without conscious volition she came hard, crying out into room.
She never ceased to surprise Jack with her responsiveness. Hell, SHE never ceased to surprise him, period. He let her come down a little before claiming her lips with his own. He pulled away slightly, bringing his fingers up to his mouth and sucking gently. Her eyes locked on his, and she involuntarily groaned, bringing his mouth down to hers for another hard kiss.
“Okay, now your turn,� Sam said between kisses.
“Yes ma’am.� Jack rolled onto his back, never breaking the contact as Sam’s fingers circled his nipple. Oh, yeah, he thought when she pinched one then the other lightly; he could definitely go for these every month. Of course, daily would be even better. The last coherent thought left his brain as Sam flicked his nipples with the tip of her tongue and sucked one of them into her mouth.
“Oh, Gooooddddd.� He ground out between his clenched teeth, his jaw working furiously to stop from alerting the neighbors to their activities. Jack’s hips jerked upward as her hand paid the same attention to him that he had done to her earlier. Sam’s hand was circling around the lower part of his right breast when her hands, both of them, suddenly stilled.
It took a couple of moments for Jack’s passion fogged brain to register her lack of movement. “What’s wrong?� He asked, concerned, lifting his head to look at her.
“Uh, you might want to check this out.� Sam answered, directing his hand to where hers had been on his chest. “Can you feel it?�
He nodded absentmindedly while his mind tried to wrap itself around the possible implications of what he felt. A lump. Not that large, but still there. Jack looked at Sam for guidance on his next move.
“I think you should go back to Dr. Fraiser and have that checked out,� She said, answering his silent plea.
Jack started to panic
but forced it down. He couldn’t let her see him crack over
something that could very possibly be nothing. For Christ’s
sake, he had been a POW during the Gulf War -- he could deal with this.
Nodding, he slowly got up from the bed and put his clothes back on, his
arousal forgotten.
“Yep, there’s definitely something there. We’ll have to take a biopsy of the lump to see if it’s malignant or benign.� Janet flashed both of them a sympathetic look as she walked off to get the test ready.
Jack began to sweat. This was going very wrong very fast. What if it was malignant? Or is it benign that’s bad? He could never remember which one was which. Sam laid a hand on his arm, and the only thing he could do was cover it gently with his own. He couldn’t even meet her gaze.
“Now, all we’ll need to do is administer a local anesthetic and take some of the tissue out with a needle. We’ll analyze it here in the lab, and once we have the results, we’ll have a better idea what our next step will be,� Janet said when she came back.
“And what would that be?� Jack wanted to know what was going to happen either way.
“Well, if it’s benign chances are it’s just a fatty tumor and can be removed easily. But if it’s malignant then we have a number of options available. The important thing is that you caught it early, so there is a greater chance of survival.� Jack’s head snapped up as Janet mentioned the word ‘survival’. “Don’t worry, Colonel, everything will be just fine.� He tried to believe her, he really did, but he never, ever thought he’d be facing something like this. Hundreds of Jaffa poised with energy weapons aimed at his face, maybe, but certainly not this.
He didn’t have a clue how to react which freaked him out, and left him feeling vulnerable. Jack O’Neill didn’t do vulnerable very well.
Jack removed his shirt and lay down on the bed so Janet could perform the biopsy. It was over in about fifteen minutes, and Sam held his hand the entire time. After the sample was collected Janet let them know she’d probably get an answer in a few days. Until then she ordered Jack to go home and rest until they heard something.
“You’ll let me know as soon as you get the results, right?� Jack asked as he buttoned up his shirt.
“Yes, Colonel. You’ll know when I know.� Janet wished she could say more, but at this time there wasn’t much she could tell him that would help alleviate his concern. Sending him home with Sam would be the best thing for him at a time like this, and it worked . . . for a while.
Jack hated waiting, and as the minutes rolled by it sunk him deeper and deeper into despair. Nothing Sam did was seemingly good enough for him as he tried, albeit unsuccessfully, to push away the possibly implications of the test results, whatever they may be. Jack watched TV, got up and puttered around the kitchen, watched TV some more, swept the deck -- anything to pass the time and keep his mind off things.
Later, while in bed, Jack continued to toss and turn, bumping Sam in the process, as he tried to lull himself into some semblance of rest. Finally Sam sat up in bed and turned on the lamp beside the bed. Jack’s arm flung over his eyes as he tried to block out the artificial light creeping into his vision.
“Oh, for crying out loud, Sam! What are you trying to do to me?�
“I could ask you the same thing.� Sam never had a problem standing up to him, and she was determined not to back down now, especially in a crisis. It had been one of the reasons that he became attracted to her after all.
“Huh? What’s that supposed to mean?� He spat, and really didn’t feel like a long, drawn out argument at the moment. Best to get this over right now.
“Never mind. Just try and get some sleep. Janet should have the results back by tomorrow.� Sam almost cringed as she heard the words come from her own mouth, but she was tired. Fighting wasn’t going to solve anything at this point.
Jack didn’t want to ‘never mind’ it. That had been their favorite phrase as of late, and he wanted to get this out in the open so they could deal with it. He had never been much of a talker, preferring to use action to demonstrate his position, but that wouldn’t do much good here.
“No, let’s talk about this here, now,� Jack confronted Sam as he turned to face her.
“Okay, so talk,� Sam demanded, pulling the sheets a little higher.
All right, Jack thought, time to get serious. He scooted closer. “Do you think this has been easy for me? Do you think that it’s just a little bit ironic that here we are talking about cancer one day and worrying that I might actually have it the next?�
“Maybe.�
“Maybe?� Jack challenged. “There’s no maybe about it, Sam. Yes, it might be nothing, and more than likely I’ve caught it early enough. Who’s to say that out of all the thousands of people that are diagnosed every year that I might be one of the unlucky ones, the one that treatment, no matter how advanced or radical, just doesn’t work? What then?�
“We deal.� It was the best answer she could come up with at the time. She didn’t do well when someone she loved was threatened with something as serious as this.
“Is that all you can say? We deal? How could you possibly know what I’ve been going through? Huh, Sam? Answer me that!� Jack’s skin became tinged red as he became more agitated.
One word, the only word that she spoke pierced through him deeper than any zat gun could, “Dad.�
Jack’s eyes, once full of rage and vehemence, suddenly closed, and once they opened again he could only look at the sheets below him, intentionally avoided her gaze. In his selfishness Jack had completely forgotten about Jacob and what Sam went through at the time. He could have mentally kicked himself several times for that oversight.
He continued to stare at the sheets, a downhearted tint to his voice. “Shit, Sam. I can’t believe I actually said all those things to you. God, I’m such an ass.�
Sam placed her hand on his wrist, shocking him with her unexpected touch. “Yes, you often are.� She chuckled more to herself than to anyone. “It’s okay, you’re not happy about the situation (she would never say the word scared). That’s understandable. Does it make it okay that you took your fears out on me, the one that loves you, the one who’ll be here for you no matter what? Do you think watching you practically fall apart on the inside while trying to maintain the ‘I can handle it’ façade doesn’t affect me as well? No, but either way it’s still understandable. Just don’t let it happen again. Got it?�
“Yes, ma’am.� He agreed, lifting his head slightly, though still not looking at her.
“Good. Now
try and get some sleep before I kick you out and send you to the couch.�
+++++++
At 15:43 they received the call from Janet letting them know that the test results were in. She wanted to see to see them in her office as soon as possible. Her tone was neutral, and Sam silently wondered if that was a good or a bad thing. Jack already beat her to it.
“That sounded, um, a tad ambiguous, don’t you think?�
Sam nodded. “Well, there’s only one way to find out.� She grabbed her keys and headed out the door, Jack following a couple steps behind his major.
They made it to the base in record time, quietly thanking the traffic gods that they hadn’t been stopped along the way. Arriving in Janet’s office they noticed that the doc wasn’t in her office, and they became impatient as they sat down to wait. They weren’t waiting long as Janet strode into her office, a file, possibly his file, in her hand. Janet took her seat behind the desk and flipped open to the relevant information. She sat down, a pregnant pause electrifying the air between them.
Janet figured she had tormented them long enough. “Colonel, there’s nothing to worry about. The test results came back negative, and it looks to be a fatty tumor after all. You’re going to be just fine, Colonel,� She consoled.
All the tension that had been building up inside them released like a trap door being sprung. Jack slumped in his chair as Sam leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek, letting loose with the ‘I told you so’ look.
Jack just ignored her and lifted his eyes to Janet. “So, when do I come in for the surgery?�
“A week from Thursday would be good. Unless something comes up that’d be the best day. How about 09:30?� Janet waited for their decision, pencil at the ready.
“That’ll work. Thanks, doc,� Jack said as he arose from his chair. Sam nodded to Janet and followed him out of the office, her step a little lighter.
They walked in silence until they got into the elevator. Once the door closed Jack, not caring about the security cameras, pulled Sam roughly into his arms, and they just held each other, her arms around his shoulders and his face buried into her neck, expressing relief and drawing comfort from one another until they arrived at their floor.
“So, Sam said, finally breaking the quietude as they walked to her car.
“So,� He repeated, falling in step beside her. Jack frowned; they were making it a habit of using that word. Usually it only led to disappointment and bad, bad things happening. Note to self: find another word.
“Wanna go home and pick up where we left off?� Sam suggested coyly, opening her door and throwing her purse in the back.
“Oh, yeah,� Jack smiled, eyes dancing with a renewed sense of mischief.
*************End*****************
For further reading:
Breast Cancer Information: http://www.breastcancer.org
Nat'l Alliance of Breast Cancer Sites: http://www.nabco.org
Nat'l Breast Cancer Coalition: http://www.natlbcc.org
Breast Cancer Care (UK): http://www.breastcancercare.org.uk
Breast Cancer Home Page: http://www.cancer.gov/cancerinfo/types/breast
Breast Cancer - Men's Health Guide: http://www.umm.edu/men/brstcan.htm
Breast Cancer in Men:
http://www.lvhhn.org/services/excellence/cancer/cancer_az/breast/breast_men.shtml
Michelle