Title: "101 Fabulous Sex Tips"

Author: splash_the_cat (splash_the_cat@potameides.com)

Category: S/J friendship/romance; futurefic; humor; fluff

Spoilers: None

Summary: A little inspiration couldn't hurt.

Rating: *NC-17*

Archive: SJD yes

A/N: Thanks to Michelle for the insta-beta.

Disclaimer: Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Sci-fi and Gekko Productions.

Website: http://www.potameides.com/sgshipfic/

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"101 Fabulous Sex Tips"

It wasn't that Jack had any concern about his... prowess. If the last five blissful weeks were any indication, Carter was more than happy with that side of their relationship.

But still, it had been a loooong time since he'd had sex on a regular basis, and a little inspiration couldn't hurt.

Glancing left, then right, Jack yanked a copy of Cosmo off the shelf and stuffed it inside the Weekly World News he'd been reading. The woman on the cover pouted at him above some very impressive cleavage. Next to her right shoulder, bright green text informed him of the "101 Fabulous Sex Tips" inside.

Clearing his throat and taking one more furtive look around, Jack peeked at the table of contents and flipped open to the article, paying special attention to number 46 and 87 like the article's subtitle said.

*46. Lick you palm and wrap your wet hand around my-*

Oh, holy... Jack slammed the magazine shut and took a slow, deep breath. They put this stuff in the supermarket check-out? Coughing, he turned to face the magazine stand and tried to discretely adjust the crotch of his pants.

Hoping his face didn't look as hot as it felt, Jack opened the magazine again. He studiously ignored number 87 and glanced back toward the beginning.

*9. One of my old girlfriends did a striptease for me, and when she was naked, she asked me to carry her to bed. I felt like Superman!*

Well, at least until your stupid knee gives out and you drop her on the floor ten feet from the bedroom, Jack thought. *That* had been the worst highlight of their short sex life. Granted, she'd told him it was cute, how contrite and concerned he'd been and she'd pulled him down onto the floor with her and kissed him.

And she'd certainly seemed okay a little later, when they finally made it to the bed, but still.

So not his finest moment.

Trying to banish that memory, Jack skimmed down the page.

*18. Play a little rough. Push me up against the wall in a dark hallway and pin my hands, then grind against me.*

*Much* better. It had been a very pleasant surprise to find that Carter would do something like that. When he teased her about it once, she'd just shrugged as she'd rolled over onto him and straddled his hips. Then reached down between her thighs to get her fingers wet and started stroking him. "Unlike *some* people in this bed, I hadn't had sex at all in eight years, and therefore have a lot of catching up to do."

And he so wasn't complaining.

Turning the page, Jack kept reading.

*38. When we're making out on the couch, tell me when you're getting wet.*

Oh yeah. Now that was a memory he was happy to dwell on. They'd had all sorts of good intentions: take their time, get to know each other outside of work...

Until their fifth date, making out on Jack's couch. His hands were up the front of her shirt, playing with her nipples through her bra, hers were down the back of his pants, nails digging into his skin. She was breathing against his mouth in short little gasps as she squirmed under him, grinding against his erection.

Telling him that she was wet, so wet and if he didn't fuck her *right now...*

He turned around and adjusted his pants again.

*64. When we're in bed, tell me how you bragged to your friends about how good I am. Don't hold back on the details. Be graphic.*

Huh. That sounded pretty hot; listening to Carter whisper in his ear how she'd told Fraiser-

Wait. Oh God.

What if she *had* given the doc details?

Fraiser was giving him this very amused look the last time they'd had dinner with her and Cassie...

"Hey, there you are."

"What!" Jack spun to find Sam leaning on a heavily laden grocery cart.

"I thought you said you were going to grab some beer and meet me by the produce."

"I... uh... well, got distracted."

"I can see that. Any new alien sightings?" Sam reached for the Weekly World News and Jack clutched both magazines to his chest, earning himself a speculative raised eyebrow.

"Jack?"

"What?"

"What's going on?"

Wondering if he could step back and somehow slide the Cosmo back on its shelf without her noticing, he shrugged. "Nothin'."

"Jack..."

It was completely unfair, really. They were less than two months into a real relationship, but she still had eight years of knowing how he ticked to call on.

"Okay, okay." He let the magazines fall forward, and closed his eyes when he saw her face break out in a huge grin.

"Cosmo?"

"The article looked... interesting."

"Really." She leaned forward, reading upside down. "Hmm."

Then tapped a finger on the page. Smiling. "I'm doing that one right now."

Jack looked down. And stopped breathing.

*1. Go without underwear. That's so hot.*

END