"The Art of Instant Messaging" By LVB

Title: The Art of Instant Messaging

Author: LVB

Rating: PG (curse words and innuendo)

Archive: SJD; yes SJFic; yes, anywhere else, yes.

Summary: Jack's bored. So of course, he has to annoy someone else through the use of the SGC IM. Season 8.

Category: Humor, S/J, Post-Threads

Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognised characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

Spoilers: Season 8 (general stuff)

Status: Complete 1/1

A/N: Thanks to IcedHeat for the corrections and giving me the confidence to actually post!

From: General Jonathan J. O'Neill <oneill@sgc.gov>
To: Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter <carter@sgc.gov>

O'Neill says:
Watcha doin'?

Carter says:
Working on some naquadah readings from SG-12's trip to PX7-652, sir. The levels of naquadah here are fascinating! If only…

O'Neill says:
Technobabble, Carter.

Carter says:
Right. Sorry sir. Was there anything you wanted?

O'Neill says:
No.

Carter says:
Sir?

O'Neill says:
Bored, Carter.

Carter says:
You're bored, sir?

O'Neill says:
Yes, Carter. Bored. Need me to type it slower? B-O-R-E-D. It means there's nothing here to entertain me.

Carter says:
General, how could you possibly be bored? Didn't you just have a briefing with SG-11?

O'Neill says:
What's Your point, Carter?

Carter says:
I'm sure you have a ton of paperwork to do.

O'Neill says:
Probably.

Carter says:
Sir, I really do have to get back to these naquadah readings

O'Neill says:
Nah. I talked to the General. He said to give it a break.

Carter says:
Sir, really…

O'Neill says:
I'm The Man, Colonel. You wouldn't defy a direct order from The Man, would ya?

Carter says:
You're pushing it, General.

O'Neill says:
One word: Insubordination, Colonel.

Carter says:
Sorry, sir.

O'Neill says:
Good. So what are you wearing, Colonel?

Carter says:
SGC issued BDUs, sir. Green ones.

O'Neill says:
Carter, please. Throw an old guy a bone here. I'll ask again. What. Are. You. Wearing?

Carter says:
Okay, sir, you win… Blue BDUs.

O'Neill says:
No giggling, Carter. And *so* not funny.

Jackson says:
Wanna know what I'm wearing, Jack?

O'Neill says:
How did you get in here, Danny??

Jackson says:
You're messaging in the SG-1 section, General.

O'Neill says:
Dammit.

Jackson says:
Well, Jack, I guess I *could* report what I've seen here. Unless the General would approve the mission to PX4-889 that I wanted to go on with SG-18…

Carter says:
Daniel, General. As much as I'd love to listen in on your childish bickering, I actually have work to do.

{Carter out}

O'Neill says:
See what you did, Daniel? And blackmail doesn't work on The Man. You just lost me my only chance for Carter to describe herself half naked.

Jackson says:
I'm glad, Jack. The mission?

User is not responding.

Spacemonkey says:
Jack?

O'Neill says:
Are you still here, Danny boy? Go play with your rocks or something.

Spacemonkey says:
Artefacts, Jack. They're called A-R-T-E-F-A-C-T-S. Did you change my screen name?!

O'Neill says:
Would I do such a thing?

O'Neill says:

Spacemonkey.

Spacemonkey says:
That's not fair. I'll report your attempt to seduce Sam if you don't change it back.

O'Neill says:
You do that, Danny. I'll be waiting for the report on my desk by 16:00 today.

Spacemonkey says:
You're an ass, Jack.

O'Neill says:
It's all in the art of instant messaging, Daniel.

{O'Neill out}

-FIN-