Title: Mirror (In science and life)

Author: Vale. Send feedback, good and bad at Dreaming_of_Zion@libero.it I need some ego boost!!!

Rating: Pg-13 for non sexually related nudity

Pairings: implied Jack/Kerry, references to Sam/Jack UST, Sam/Pete

Classification: Angst, Sam POV, character introspection. Kind of stream of consciousness (not like Joyce's.).

Archive: SJD, helio, whatever.yes.

Spoilers: S7, S8, Major spoilers for the upcoming episode 'Threads'.

Summary: Sam ponders her meeting with the General in 'Threads', and reaches a conclusion on the issue that is bugging her.

Author's notes: As you all know, I know Pete only by name, and I've seen him only in LJ icons.

So, I'm just assuming his character from what I've read here and in forums around the net. My feminist side got the better of me. I'm angry at Jack.

Not beta'ed. But I double-checked before posting this time.

I should really work more on gen fic.but I have no time for bigger projects.

Now, I'll let you to the fic

***

I shiver a little when I leave the comforting heat of the shower box, but I don't reach for the bathrobe.

I'm in for a little masochism today.

I slide a finger on the steamy surface on the mirror, doodling meaningless lines before I wipe the whole surface with a hand.

I sigh as I eye my naked reflection up and down, from head to navel, where the glass ends above the sink. I absently run a comb through my wet hair, my last encounter with Jack playing endlessly in my mind.

I should have seen that coming.

He's a General now, head of SGC. It means more responsibility, but also no more overnight missions, and more downtime.

Time to become aware that there are other women walking this planet.

Younger, and more beautiful than me.

Like the one I met only a few hours ago.

Yep. She's definitely younger.

Or maybe eight years of fighting and hard military life have taken their toll on me and my body and I look older. I sure feel older.

I've never given much importance to appearance actually, even in my teens.

I had no time to waste with make up, clothes and boys anyway. And probably that's why I spent every prom night at home, studying.

Academy was the same, until I met Jonas, and the rest is history.

An image of Kerry's long, curly hair flashes in my mind, and I keep combing mine in angry strokes, frustrated at the points sticking out in every direction as soon as the comb moves backwards.

No use letting it grow. It'd get in the way at work, and it'd never be soft anyway.

No conditioner anywhere else in the galaxy.

Aliens must have perfect hair. Those who have hair, obviously.

Same for moisturizing lotions.

No baby smooth skin for me.

I'm sure she has.

Soft skin and soft fingertips where I have scars and calluses from working in all climatic conditions.

And let's not forget the alien weapons. Being held captive. Dying.

It's my job.

I love it.

I wanted it.

It has never been an issue before.

And I don't like that it has become one now.

There are some things, in this world.in science, and life.that we consider established truths. Points of reference. And although we know these.pillars, as strong as they may look, can crumble at any moment, there's nothing to protect us when they do.

I used to think I could always go to him whenever I needed to.

Today I was proven wrong.

Not that I actually gave him the time to say anything, but.

Have my breasts always looked so small?

They barely fill my hands as I cup them both, moving to study my profile.

Damn you and your breasts, Sam.

It's just a bad day. And Mama said there would be days like this, isn't it, Janet?

Not worth losing my confidence over. I'm smarter than this. And I'm not a lonely teenager anymore. It will go as fast as it came. But it's here now, and I wish you were, too.

Should stop thinking too much.

Should really.

"Sam? You home?"

The voice echoing through the empty house startles me, pulling me out of my reverie.

Pete.

I throw a glance at the clock. I didn't realize it was so late.

He's here before I can even answer, leaning against the doorframe, his eyes on my naked body.

"A guy could get used to such a welcome home, you know." He smiles softly. "You are amazing."

A small blush creeps up my cheeks, and I offer him a weak smile in return.

"Here." He wraps a towel around me and kisses me hello as he pats me dry.

"Feel like going out to dinner?" He rubs his nose against my neck, bringing a more genuine smile to my lips. I feel him relax a bit against me.

"I was hoping for a relaxing evening actually, a light dinner." And no risks to meet people I don't really want to see now.

"Works for me. I, uh.saw the General this morning." He tightens his hold on me. Maybe he knows more than he's ever let on.

I lean more fully against him, bathing in his warmth and caring touch.

Maybe the accident at Jack's house, in a sort of twisted way, helped me sort out things.

Well, everything about us was twisted and subtle.

What was clear for us both was rank.

And the future of our planet.

Enough to drown anything else.

"You ok?"

About what? Jack and Kerry? My career? You and me? The ring on my left hand?

I ponder the question for a moment, and he steps back, leaving me some space.

No thoughts.

Just feelings.

Don't rationalize them.

Don't. Don't.

You can do it.

I can.

The answer is the same. For all the questions.

"Yes, I'm fine." I stand on my tiptoes to kiss him fully on the lips.

In science, and in life, certainties sometimes crumble. And others can be found.

***

The end.