Sam Carter made her way into the change room, trying to keep her mind from wandering back to all that had happened over the past couple of days. The Stargate project had nearly been revealed to the public at large, the reporter who was going to expose it died conveniently before he could do so, and her father told her he had gotten her into NASA, all in the hopes that she would fulfill a dying wish.
One hell of a couple of days.
But no matter what Sam did, she kept thinking about all this, most especially about her father and his news. She knew it hurt him terribly that she wouldn't accept the offer, but she knew she couldn't. She loved what she was doing now and wouldn't trade it for a hundred space flights. But she couldn't keep from feeling guilty about it. After all, it was his *dying* *wish*.
Sam sat heavily on the bench, feeling the pain of guilt and hurt welling up inside her, the tears ready to fall once again. The feeling finally overwhelmed her, and she began to cry, hiding her face in her now curled up legs, needing to hold onto *someone*, even if it was only herself.
Carter felt a hand gently touch her back, surprising her. Her head snapped up and she was embarrassed to see Jack O'Neill with a rather concerned look on his face.
"Are you alright, Sam?" he asked. She felt like saying 'Ask a stupid question', but that wouldn't be fair to him. No need to take out her hurt on him.
"I'll cope, like I always do," she replied, trying to sound even-toned. Sam stood up, opening up her locker.
"You've been in here for a while, I was starting to get worried," Jack told her, trying to get through to her. He couldn't tell if he was since she kept her back to him.
"I didn't realize there was time limit," she responded, sounding a bit testy. Once she had said it, she wished she could take it back.
[Dammit, Sam, *control*,] she chastised herself.
"You said you'd be ready in ten. It's been twenty minutes." Jack was now using his 'commanding officer' voice, so she knew she had definitely pushed the wrong buttons.
[He was only trying to be nice, Sam. You better make it right. The last thing you need is the colonel pissed off at you.]
Sam turned around to look at Jack, trying to figure out just how mad or upset he was with her. He had always been difficult to 'read' at the best of times, but right now, considering her state of mind, it was like trying to 'read' a brick wall.
"I'm sorry, sir, I've been a little preoccupied since we were in D.C."
"I noticed." No recriminations, no sarcasm, just a soft tone that sought to reach out, to comfort. Sam moved closer to Jack.
"It's my father," she started, waiting to see what kind of reaction she got from him before continuing. He gave her a small smile, then nodded his head, indicating for her to continue.
"He, um," Sam took a deep breath, "he got me into NASA." Jack's face seemed to fall when he heard that, but then he tried to cover it up with a smile.
"That's great," he replied, attempting to sound jovial. Then the image of her sitting on the bench crying sprang to mind. "Isn't it?"
"It is a great opportunity."
"I feel a 'but' coming here." Sam laughed mirthlessly.
"It's a great opportunity, but I don't want it. Not any more."
"Because of the Stargate?"
"Because of the Stargate, all the work we've done, you guys..." she trailed off, feeling her face tinge pink as Jack smiled broadly. "My father doesn't understand though, he can't possibly since I can't explain it to him."
"And that's what has you upset." A statement rather than a question.
"Partly." Sam paused, collecting herself. "It's his dying wish that I go into space." Jack wasn't sure he had heard her right.
"'Dying wish'? He looked pretty healthy to me." Sam knew that she had to keep going, had to tell Jack the rest, but she felt another wave of tears ready to fall, and the last thing she wanted was him to watch her cry. Again.
O'Neill waited as Carter seemed to hold off in answering him, but he saw the pain she had been trying to hide reappear on her face, and he didn't think twice when he took her into his arms and embraced her. Sam tried to keep control, but to have someone finally holding her, and whispering that it was okay to let it out, it was more than she could take.
Sam sobbed into Jack's chest, sliding her arms around him. She no longer cared about being embarrassed. He obviously didn't feel that way, so why should she?
After a few minutes, Sam felt like she could cry no more, so she pulled herself away from his chest, looking up at Jack. He smiled weakly, trying to gauge her.
"Better?" he asked. She sniffed.
"Somewhat."
"How bad is it?" Sam at first wasn't sure what his question was about, but then realized he was asking about her father.
"He has cancer," she replied, her voice quiet.
"Damn. I'm sorry, Sam," he consoled, petting her hair. It was her turn to smile weakly.
"Thanks," she paused, "It's funny, in a way. He seems to be handling it better than I am."
"He's possibly had more time to come to grips with it, and you've only just found out."
"Or maybe he's hurting as much as I am, but he's better at hiding it."
"Anything is possible," Jack replied. They stood there for a minute, not saying a word, just enjoying the closeness.
"We better get going soon, or else the General's going to send out a search party for us," Jack commented, a grin appearing in an attempt to get Sam to smile. She obliged him with a tired one.
"I shouldn't be much longer," she responded as they disentangled from their embrace.
"I'll just grab my fatigues and change in my office. I'll meet you in the 'gate room in five?"
"I'll be there." Jack nodded, got his fatigues out of his locker and walked to the door of the change room, turning to look back at Sam momentarily. She smiled in reaction to his still-concerned face, giving him some reassurance that she'd be alright. With that thought in mind, he turned back and walked towards his office, leaving Sam to ready herself for their rendez-vous with Daniel and Teal'c.
THE END
Story Notes: Spoilers: "Secrets"
I've had this story bouncing around my brain since I saw "Secrets", and Jennifer's recent story seemed to spur me into actually writing it. This takes place during "Secrets", after Sam and Jack have received their medals and before they go to meet up with Daniel and Teal'c on Abydos.
I've had this story bouncing around my brain since I saw "Secrets", and Jennifer's recent story seemed to spur me into actually writing it. This takes place during "Secrets", after Sam and Jack have received their medals and before they go to meet up with Daniel and Teal'c on Abydos.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]