The Universal Language by splash_the

The Universal Language by splash_the_cat

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Story Notes: Category: S/J friendship/romance; humor; fluff

Season: Five

Many thanks to Karen and Claira for beta-doubling.

Website: http://www.potameides.com/sgshipfic/

splash_the_cat@potameides.com

"The Universal Language"

"Every damned time." Jack shoved his hands in his pockets and kicked at the ground, swearing when the toe of his boot caught on a broken cobblestone.

"What do you speak of, O'Neill?"

"That!" Pulling one hand free, he waved wildly it at the porch of the temple across the wide cobble-paved street. Where one Major Samantha Carter held court, surrounded by a gaggle of Haverian scientists.

If scientists were counted in a gaggle. Maybe a nerd of scientists? A geek of scientists? A dork of scientists?

"I do not understand." Teal'c's deep voice interrupted his train of thought. "Why do you take issue with Major Carter conversing with her scientific colleagues?"

"I don't take issue with *her* doing anything, Teal'c, I take issue with *them*. With them... *ogling* her." He glanced away from Carter's adoring fans to Teal'c, and sure enough, the eyebrow was on the rise.

"Ogling."

"Yes, *ogling*." Looking back across the street at the group of men gathered around her, Jack muttered, "I keep expecting one of them to start humping her leg or something."

When he looked back at Teal'c, Teal'c was staring at Jack's fingers. Which were drumming an irritated rhythm on his P-90.

Jack shoved his hand back in his pocket. "It's just.... This happens all the time. Every damned planet we go to."

Teal'c exhaled in a long, slow sigh. "You exaggerate."

"Okay, maybe a little." Jack dug at the broken cobblestone with his boot. "But still. It happens a lot."

"I find it strange that this bothers you, O'Neill." Teal'c planted the end of his staff weapon more firmly on the ground and leaned on it. "Of late it would seem that you have very little interest in what happens around Major Carter."

Jack blinked. "What in the hell are you talking about, Teal'c?"

"You do not seem as close as you once were."

Jack gave him a sidelong glance, but the Jaffa was watching the crowd across the street. "It's not like Carter and I were ever 'close' close... I mean, we're colleagues. Friends. Pals." Jack crossed his arms and rested them on his weapon. "So I don't know what you've been sniffing, big guy, but Carter and I are business as usual. Same as always."

"If you believe so."

Ignoring the insinuation he just *knew* Teal'c was trying to get across (and ignoring the fact that Teal'c was one of the only people who could actually back it up), Jack said, "Anyway, it does bother me. It's rude. As a friend, and a *professional* colleague, I find it distasteful." He jerked his thumb in the direction of the temple. "They're mooning over her, for crying out loud!"

Teal'c paused, eyeing the scientists thoughtfully. "They all appear to have their pants on, O'Neill."

"Not that kind of moon-" Jack stopped. Yeah, there was that damned little Jaffa smirk. "Funny. So funny. Ha ha ha."

"Indeed." The smirk widened as Teal'c continued watching the crowd, and Jack followed his gaze. One of the head geeks, Boredom or Botulism or something like that, was holding out a clipboard full of notes and a pen. "'Oh, Major Carter, can I have your autograph?'" Jack mimicked the unheard conversation in a high-pitched voice.

"I still do not understand you problem, O'Neill." Teal'c inclined his head toward the offending group. "It is not unexpected that these men express such admiration. Major Carter is very attractive."

Jack glared at him, then at them. "Yeah, I *know*."

His heart about stopped a second later at Teal'c's soft rumble of laughter.

Oh crap. Did he just say that out loud?

Teal'c gave a satisfied nod. "Then you understand."

"No!"

The outburst broke through the murmur of conversation across the street, and Jack saw Carter look up and over at him with a puzzled half-smile.

Whoops.

Grinning weakly, he gave a dismissive little wave before rounding on Teal'c. "Okay, look. So maybe I am aware that she's... that... that she... but I don't just appreciate her for *that*. I appreciate the whole... Carter package."

"I...see."

Jack knew Teal'c didn't see anything of the sort. "No, really." Jack pointed at another one of the scientists who was listening in wide- eyed awe as Carter pointed at something on his clipboard. "See, he knows she's smart, and... and... cu-... beau- ... ho-... looks nice, but that's it."

"It is?"

"Yes!" Jack flung up his hands. "They don't get the sense of humor, or that little evil side of her. Or that she knows more about cars than I do. Or that she talks to her plants. Or how about how she could probably kick all their asses with one hand tied behind her back. Maybe *both* hands."

"Major Carter is most formidable."

"Exactly!" Jack said. "She's a hell of a lot more than her looks and her brain, and none of these swooning losers ever seem to realize that."

Teal'c cocked his head to the side, giving Jack a long look. "And you do."

"Well of *course*. I mean, this is Carter we're talking about. Hell, I know her better than damn near-" Jack's mouth snapped shut.

Oh. OH. Son of a...

"I hate you."

"Indeed."

END

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