Put Your Arms Around Me by Kelly Mullins

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Story Notes: Between Love and Duty II: E-Mail: kelly.mullins@verizon.net

Web: http://www.geocities.com/musicgrl72/kellyf.html

Spoilers: CotG, Upgrades, D&C, BtS

Sequel: This is the Sequel to What Do I Have to Do?

Keywords: S/J UST... song fic... Sam's POV

Disclaimer: I can promise you I don't own SG-1 or anything by Texas

Authors Notes: The song is 'Put Your Arms Around Me' by Texas.

Thank You: Jo for suggesting I do this, and everyone else who sent me feedback for the first one.

There's something I will never understand about transplanetary weather patterns. It always seems to be raining on Earth when we get back from a particularly difficult mission, but if we've had a good productive mission the sun will be shining high in the sky. It's happened on numerous occasions and today is no exception.

The torrential rain is pounding against the roof of my car as I drive through the crowded streets of Colorado Springs, its sound is my only companionship other than the radio I mindlessly turned on as I left Cheyenne Mountain. I'm driving away from there, but I'm not going home, right now I just want to be free, not Major Carter... just for a little while I want to be Sam. No responsibilities, no regulations.

*Are you ready maybe, are you willing to run

Are you ready to let yourself drown

Are you holding your breath

Are you ready or not*

When did my life get so complicated? Looking back I know it was the day I walked into the briefing room at the SGC and challenged my CO to arm wrestle. Stupid stupid girl that I am, I didn't let it stop there, over the last four years I have allowed myself to become dangerously close to him.

*Are you ready maybe, do you long to confess

Do you feel that you're already numb

Are you sure of yourself

Would you lie if you're not*

I believe that we both harbour feelings for one another, according to the Zatarc testing we do, but what does it matter that he 'cares' for me? I am in love with Colonel Jack O'Neill, a wonderful man and of course my commanding officer- he couldn't have possibly let himself go as much last night as I did. Last night, I was incredibly distressed over the fact that they had actually listened to my suggestion, I didn't say it so I could sleep with O'Neill, I know that's what he probably thinks, but I would have happily taken Teal'c or even Daniel over him because they're safer for me- they are my loving brothers.

*You tire me out

Don't want to let that happen

A secret screams so loud

Why did you let that happen*

These last few months have been so tense between all of us. I'm tried of this skirting around the issue, we were forced to confess that our feelings are less than professional- Teal'c knows it, Janet knows it, and no one seems to really want to confront it. It needs to be though, because things are only getting worse between the two of us and I don't know how much longer I can go on like this, there have been so many times I wish our little excursion to PX9-757 never happened, that we had never had to stand there on opposite sides of the force shield and know that we were both going to die right then and there- no chances for any comfort, any resolution. He was willing to die because I had no way out.

*So put your arms around me

You let me believe that you were someone else

Cause only time can take you

So let me believe that I am someone else*

I wish that just once our lives could be simple- no Stargate, no aliens, and no saving the world. These titles, our ranks are just meaningless facades imposed upon us by the government, our Air Force... and we've gone by them, obeyed their implied meanings and kept our feelings in check.

*Maybe are you ready to break

Do you think that I push you too far

Would you open yourself

Are you reckless or not*

But this morning I woke up and found myself tangled with him, we were soaking wet, the rain hadn't let up all night and even everything in our supposedly waterproof packs was soaked. I was snuggled up with him in the most inappropriate manner with my arms wrapped tightly around his waist and I was happy... until I woke up and realised it wasn't another dream, and I was disappointed in myself and in him- even keeping warm was not an option for us. I stayed away from him all day today, while we were on the planet unburying the 'gate and even after we got back to Earth... I just couldn't let him know that I let him down.

*You tire me out

Don't want to let that happen

A secret screams so loud

Why did you let that happen*

Why does this always seem to happen to me? I can never fall for a guy that is perfect, available, and not my CO, never happened, I've had a crazy one, an alien one, and even the CO I'm currently stressing over. Why me? A car cuts me off to get into a restaurant parking lot, I realize I haven't had anything to eat in the five hours we've been back and follow them into the less than crowded parking lot- I guess no one wants to eat at this hour, just pathetic people like me out looking to forget the bosses they're in love with and the myriad of reasons they can't have him.

*So put your arms around me

You let me believe that you were someone else

Cause only time can take you

So let me believe that I am someone else*

There was once a time when I could have Jack O'Neill... and even then we merely admitted our feelings for one another and did what we needed to do, not for the good of us but for the good of everyone else. We can't keep this up forever, one of these days we're going to have to take the plunge and be selfish. If Jona and Thera had been allowed to spend time in peace and not have to take down the people on the surface they would have gotten together, we *are* Jona and Thera, why does everything have to be so different when we're acting as Jack and Sam, O'Neill and Carter, Colonel and Major? I want to be someone else, even if it isn't forever, I would like to be someone else.

*So put your arms around me

So put your arms around me

And Make me believe

Take me, take me somewhere, somewhere

And Let me believe

Cause only time can take you. So stop*

The radio goes to commercial as I park and get out... tonight I want to forget Jack O'Neill, I want loud music, greasy food, and no recognition- that's exactly what I think this place can offer me.

END!

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