"Do you really think this is the wackiest plan we've ever had?" Sam heard herself asking across the near empty locker room. Jack was sitting down on the bench and he paused in putting on his shoe to look at her.
"Yeah, yeah, I do." A strong silence fell over them with Sam desperately trying to pluck up enough courage to speak her mind. She knew that it was something she should have brought up at home and that it was not a 'work-place' conversation, but they were heading out to Vis Uban in a short time. Ever since Christmas and their kiss, Sam had known that things were changing between herself and Jack. If she truly thought about the year they had been living together, Sam would have been able to pinpoint far more events that had changed their relationship. It had been her that had brought up the prospect of either of them meeting someone new, however, it had been him that appeared to have. It had been over two months since she had overheard a woman on the other end of the phone line, a little longer than that since Laira had returned home with JJ, the foundations of a civil relationship forming between them all. There had been no reason in those two months to mention anything, to alter the status quo. Everyone seemed happy.
Sam was worried that this mission would be far wackier than Jack was joking it would and that it was an incredibly dangerous and risky mission. Before Sam managed to get any words out, Jack spoke again. "If things were different, I'd be asking General Hammond to take you off this mission."
Forgetting her original subject matter completely, Sam responded angrily, "Excuse me?"
"Calm down, Carter," he mumbled, as he finished tying his lace. "As Jack, father to a beautiful daughter, I want you to stay at home with her. The fact that every single part of this mission is crazy and dangerous and that at the end of all that, we're relying a Goa'uld to save our butts… It's not my idea of fun." She remained silent, waiting for him to explain himself fully. "As Colonel O'Neill, you're the only one I want to be stuck in an F302 with. You're the only one I trust enough to get us both home."
"I know this is the wrong time and place, but, Jack, I need to ask you something." His head turned sharply to her at the use of his name on base. Standing up, Jack took a step towards her.
"What is it?"
"It's silly really and it was ages ago, but I have a bad feeling about his mission." Sam was not sure what part she feared the most. Perhaps it was sending Daniel and Jonas Quinn onto Anubis' ship after Daniel's revelation that an ascended Skaara had informed him that Anubis managed to ascend. Perhaps it was hoping that Teal'c and Yu arrived in time. Perhaps it was the controlled burst that could cause the F302 to materialise inside of Anubis' ship. There were so many things that could go wrong and so much vital information that they still did not have before heading off. "And there's something that I think I need to talk to you about."
"Are you okay?" The concern was clear on his face and in his voice and Sam wished that she had brought this all up earlier, far earlier than the morning of a mission.
"Remember when I rang to tell you that there was a problem on Abydos?" He nodded. "I heard a woman's voice in the background. And I don't want to become the paranoid, curious person who believes has a right to every element of your life. I don't want to ask who she is or what she may mean to you. You have no reason to even answer those questions. I just… I need you to know…" Her words were failing her. She wanted to tell him that she was not happy for him to move on. She did not want him falling in love with someone else. Sam did not want to fall in love with someone else either. She was not thinking as a potential single mother, putting her child first, Sam did not want Jack moving on for purely selfish reasons.
In a flash of movement, Jack crossed the few steps between them and nearly crushed her in his arms. Despite their surroundings, Sam relaxed against him, basking in the feel of him through their many layers. He pulled away from her very slightly and moved his hands to cup her face on both sides, causing her arms to drop slightly around his back. Her eyes closed and as she felt his lips gently brush against her own, tears filled her eyes behind the lids. They had reached a new level of status quo and Sam could not allow it to change. Forcing her hands and arms to move, Sam reached up to his hands and incredibly reluctantly pulled them away from her face. She kept her eyes closed, feeling him move away from her and missing the proximity straight away. His hands fell out of hers and she heard him take a few steps. Allowing her eyes to open, Sam looked at Jack, trying to gauge his reaction.
"Don't worry." His eyes flickered around her, only meeting hers for the briefest of moments. "In a few days we'll both be sitting at home with our daughter. Back to normal."
Nodding in agreement, Sam knew what she had to say next and how important the phrasing was. It was like a full stop and it would end the brief moment and possible actions. Purposefully, Sam kept her eyes from his face so she could not see any of the pain when she finally said, "Yes, sir."
SG – SG – SG
As he entered the locker room, Jack saw a form sitting on the bench and immediately began to back out. "Sorry, didn't mean to…" It was a feminine form so Jack decided he would head to his locker at another time.
"Colonel?" He paused at Sam's voice and turned back, forcing a smile at her.
"I didn't realise anyone was in here."
"It's okay. It's only me."
Awkwardly he stood slightly nearer the bench than the door and he nervously rocked a bit from foot to foot. "So, uh, Carter, you okay?"
"No. Not really." Jack's eyebrows rose at her candidness. She looked over at him and Jack thought he could see tears in her eyes. "Teal'c could well already be dead, or at least at the mercy of Yu. We have no idea where Anubis has gone with Daniel and Jonas. Last we heard, Jonas was captured. He should never have been allowed on that mission. Jonas may know the Ancient language, he may have invaluable skills, but he doesn't go off-world. He isn't trained for missions like the rest of us." She laughed bitterly. "I knew something bad was going to happen. You knew it, for crying out loud."
"Oh-kay, and you've been living with me too long."
"Your sarcasm is really not what I need right now."
"We'll get them all back." She looked at him sceptically. "We always get them all back."
"Always doesn't last forever. At some point something has to give." Her eyes drilled into his and Jack was no longer sure of what she was speaking. "Doesn't it, sir?" She stood and purposefully walked past him to leave the locker room. He caught her left elbow with his hand, stopping her.
"Eventually things change, evolve, luck runs out. Or in."
"And then what?" Sam implored of him, her eyes begging him for an answer.
"Then we adapt. We survive." He had still not released her arm and she had not yet relaxed into his grip. This locker room interaction was nothing like just a few days earlier. Jack was still unsure what had caused him to so brazenly attempt to kiss her. It was hardly an attempt, he chided himself internally; their lips had touched and that was exactly what a kiss was. He had not wanted her believing that there was another woman in his life. He had not wanted it to cloud her mind on their mission, or for her to believe that it was even possible on the craziest mission they had ever risked their lives for. Jack needed her to know that she was important to him, not just as Daniella's mother, but also in a whole heap of ways that he could never say out loud.
Sam opened her mouth to respond, but then jumped away, Jack released her arm as he heard the door open and close. He was thankful for the disruption because the time and place were nowhere near right for the conversation he had been on the brink of.
"Colonel O'Neill, Major Carter," Carpenter said clearly trying to decide if she should salute or not.
If either Daniel or Teal'c had been the ones to walk in now, Jack would not feel half as embarrassed as he did with it being her. She may be a member of his team, one who's role was steadily increasing in his team, but she had not yet made it to 'friend' status as the others had managed. Jack was unsure if she ever would. He had the faith in her to have his back, but in most life or death situations, Jack wanted Sam backing him up. "Lieutenant," he greeted in reply, hoping that she could not notice the tension or how he had hold of Sam.
"General Hammond wants the three of us in the briefing room, sir." Nodding, Jack followed the two women out of the locker room, running his hand through the back of his hair in annoyance.
SG – SG – SG
"So Ba'al hinted at some greater resources?" Jack asked, picking up something randomly from Daniel's desk.
"Indeed."
Daniel snatched the object from Jack and put it back on his desk. "Maybe that explains why he let us all go when Mot had us in cells."
"So he's willing to kill his underling then for Anubis, but then turns on him later for Teal'c and the Tau'ri? I don't buy it." Carpenter was sitting at her own desk, facing Daniel and the other two men.
"Ba'al indicated that he would be able to utilise Anubis' hidden resources for his own means."
"What do you think that means?" Daniel asked.
"That even if we manage to defeat Anubis, we'll still have Ba'al to deal with."
"Hey guys," Sam greeted as she entered the room, glossing over the sombre tone present. "Jonas has decided to return to Kelowna, taking back the knowledge he's acquired here."
"That's a shame," Carpenter added. "I've liked my little lab buddy."
"Hey!" Daniel protested and Carpenter shook her head at him.
"Drinks and food at O'Malley's tonight nineteen-hundred hours."
"We allowed in there?" Jack asked.
"I am unsure of you, O'Neill, but I am."
"Good to know, T."
SG – SG – SG
"Jonas, I am going to miss you!" Sam declared, throwing her arms around the younger man. All Jack could do was watch from a distance, allowing only a small smile on his face at the sight. He was sure that she was not drunk, but he was also pretty convinced that she was at the very least a bit tipsy and he wondered if the point would come that he should attempt to rescue her before she got too inebriated. She was dressed in a simple black dress which fell down to her knees, flowing outward slightly from the waist and it had very thin straps holding it up over her shoulders. Even through living with her, Jack rarely got to see Sam looking so dressed up, so glamorous and so relaxed. They no longer kept alcohol in the house and neither of them often drank at all, so the couple of glasses Sam had consumed appeared to have gone straight to her head.
"Hey, Colonel, how are you this evening?" Jack turned and saw Janet standing next to him at the bar.
"I'm okay. You?"
"Fine." They remained in silence, Jack glancing over at Sam every now and then. She was pretty much surrounded by men and every once in a while she laughed, her smile lighting up the room. Jack tried telling himself that all of those men around her were colleagues, but something about them was making his stomach churn. "How's it going with you and Sam?"
His head snapped to meet Janet's eyes and he could see that her gaze had followed his. "What do you mean?"
"Must be difficult living with your junior officer."
"Has she said something to you?"
Janet laughed, gulping down a mouthful of red wine. "No because that would be unprofessional, wouldn't it? Her telling me about issues with her Colonel."
"Is that why you don't come around much?"
"Maybe I'm just not too good at hiding what I feel, keeping things locked up in a box or in a room."
"I don't know, I think you've been pretty good keeping things secret from Daniel, and everyone else."
She raised her glass at him and Jack was happy to oblige in clinking them together. "At least my reasons are better than yours."
"How so?" he asked, looking down at the bar with a glance over at Sam. It seemed as if there were even more men surrounding her now and Jack was not sure that they were all military personnel from the base.
"You know what she feels." His eyes went back to her and then sought out Daniel. The archaeologist was sitting at a table, opposite Carpenter and they appeared deep in conversation. Jack looked at Janet again. "You chose to not do anything about it."
"It's by far not that easy."
"Because of regulations? Because of your daughter? How about because you're both scared and selfish? Has it ever occurred to you how your non-relationship affects those around you? It was one thing to have Sam talk about her romantic life years ago, when it was implied but never stated who she was talking about, but it's another now that it is you. She lied to me for you. For months. She ignored the medical implications of what it could mean for Daniella to be the child of you and her." Jack winced at this as, for the most part, he ignored any potential implications until they were proved in Daniella. "She was so affected by you that she had a drunken one night stand, slept with her commanding officer and then became a liar to her friends."
"Bitter much?"
"Wrong emotion, colonel." Janet stood up with her drink in hand and started to walk passed Jack. "You still have a chance, but the window will close."
"Wouldn't that make things better for you?" He could see Janet's point of view, but it was only with her words that Jack realised that perhaps Sam had no one. A random meeting in a park had led Jack to become friends with another single parent, who just so happened to be female. Internally he had argued then that he needed a friend outside of his usual close circle due to the regulations and other barriers that existed. It had never occurred to him that Sam may not have anyone with whom she could share her feelings. He had spent the past year believing that Janet would be there for her.
Whirling around with anger burning in her eyes, Janet did not look happy. "Do not get me wrong, Jack, I want my friend to be happy. I'm not sure if that means you or not, but the two of you are going to explode at some point. It may be months away, maybe even a year, but one day something's going to get destroyed. Unless you figure out the right thing to do."
"After you, doc." Jack downed the remaining whiskey in his glass – his first and only drink of the evening – and stormed past Janet. He did not need to be reminded of how he had thrown a spanner larger than any Siler owned into Sam's life, or how a Naquadria sized explosion could destroy things completely if he ever made the wrong move. As politely as he was able in his newly formed bad mood, Jack pushed his way through the crowd surrounding Sam and caught her attention.
"Jack, what's up?" she asked, clearly slightly giddy. It was still odd for him to hear her call him Jack when surrounded by people from work. He motioned her to follow him off to the side slightly and she complied after smiling and apologising to Jonas. "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah," he reassured her. "I'm not really in the party mood. Can you catch a lift with Teal'c or someone?"
"Don't be silly, it's already gone ten and Dani will demand my attention tomorrow. I'll just say bye to Jonas." Waiting by the door for only a few minutes, Jack was surprised at how quickly Sam managed to say her 'goodnights'. Silently they began the short walk to his car, Jack's mood dissipating quickly as he watched Sam ahead of him. After a few steps, Sam spontaneously twirled around on the spot, revealing more of her legs than Jack was usually able to see as her skirt whirled around. Of course he had seen her thighs on certain occasions, but not when a skirt should be covering them.
"Be careful, you, on those heels."
Sam turned and walked backwards, smiling at him. "I do wear heels, Jack. I am a woman."
"Oh, don't I know it," Jack mumbled low enough that she could not hear. After twirling again, Sam then came to a dead stop. "What?"
"I haven't danced at all this evening." She pouted and Jack was reminded of their daughter. "I'm all dressed up and no one asked me."
Jack could not help laughing slightly at her. "How much have you drunk, Sam?"
Glaring at him, Sam punched him playfully on the arm, both of them standing still and in front of each other. "Enough to know that I want to dance and haven't."
He rolled his eyes, knowing that he was going to regret what he was about to do, but he could not cope with her sad, pouting face anymore. Putting his left hand on her waist and taking her left hand in his right, Jack pulled her closer and began to move in time with the dim music he could hear from the pub behind him. Hesitating for a moment, it did not take Sam long to catch up and start moving in time with him. She then rested her head against his shoulder and he fought the urge to rest his own on hers.
"You seemed angry," she stated simply.
"I'm not anymore." Her head moved and Jack found himself looking directly into her twinkling eyes, realising in that moment that he had made a wrong move. Her right hand was on his lower back and Jack had noticed that it was stroking slight patterns across it. Unaware of the conscious decision, his fingers on the hand that was on her waist were moving slightly on the soft fabric of her dress. Due to her high heels, Sam only had to move very slightly as she touched her lips to his and all coherent thought fled Jack's mind. Her left hand shook free from his and found its way to the back of his head, pushing his mouth closer to hers. His now empty free right hand went immediately to her waist as both of his hands squeezed her tightly and pulled her closer. Stepping forward and taking her with him, Jack backed her up until they reached the door of his car and crushed her against it with no objection. Gently nudging her legs apart with his right leg, it was only a few moments before he could faintly feel the chill of the car's cold metal against his knee, but he ignored it for the fierce kiss and actions her hands were still doing.
Her left hand was still on his head, the fingers wrapping around and twisting through his short hair. Every once in a while she pulled gently which caused him to increase the fierceness of their kiss. Meanwhile, Sam's right hand had found its way to his waistband and under his shirt, stroking his bare skin. Moving his left hand to cup her face, preventing her from moving away from his mouth, Jack then used his right hand to gather up her dress slightly and caress the smooth skin of her thigh underneath. A moan escaped her lips into his mouth as his fingers touched her thigh and Jack could not help smiling against her before breaking the kiss and trailing his lips along her jawline and onto her neck. She moaned his name out loud, barely above a whisper and he laughed into her neck only to be rewarded by feeling goose bumps underneath his lips.
He could hear her breathlessness and feel her increased pulse against his lips and there was not another sensation in the world aside from her until he heard distant voices. Pulling away from her neck, Jack stood silently in front of Sam, putting a finger to her lips indicating for her to be quiet. The voices continued past, but Jack could make out to whom they belonged. He was sure that it was Teal'c helping Jonas to a car. Remaining silent and unmoving until their car had gone, Jack then looked Sam in her eyes and saw something ever so tempting in their depth, something seductive in her lips touching his finger still. He had no idea how much she had drunk, but suddenly all that he could think was that he was taking advantage of her. Janet's words, his own concerns and the simple truth that he was her colonel started rolling around in Jack's head and he abruptly stepped away from Sam, causing her to stumble slightly at the loss.
Jack had no idea what to say, neither did he know what to do. He felt like he should explain and give her some explanation for his actions, but he had no idea what other Pandora's boxes that would open. Jack did know that he could not just walk past her and get into the car. He could not simply remain standing where he was, two steps away from her and refusing to even look at her. Wanting to describe the past few minutes as a mistake, Jack could not quite bring himself to agree to it, but he did know that the fine line they both kept walking was becoming far too thin. Something had to give.
Something had to break.
In one swift action, Jack moved forward and punched his right fist against the metal frame of his car, just off to Sam's left. Out of the corner of his eye, Jack saw her flinch and he wanted to apologise to her. All he could manage to mumble was, "I don't know." She moved away from the car and he wondered for a moment if she was about to place a comforting hand on his shoulder. Jack had no idea what he would do if she touched him right now. She did not.
"Let's go home."
Author's Notes: After a hazardous mission to try and stop Anubis, things are more dangerous for Jack and Sam at home and at Jonas' leaving party.
End Notes: There wasn't an easy way to split these two episodes, so I kept them together. Next chapter could well be the last of this story (finally) and I promise a few answers on Janet. I promise nothing with regards to Sam and Jack, however! I'm not in the camp that everyone else would be fine with Sam and Jack having a relationship, or having a child and remaining friends. Sorry, but I think that Janet would have internal issues with regards to the decisions that Sam has made ever since she slept with Jack and how close they have come to breaking regulations. As the only other military friend, I think there's room for her to have issues.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]