Jack kissed the cheek of his nine-month old daughter before tapping her gently on the nose with his left index finger. She giggled in response and it broke his heart as he was then forced to pass Daniella over to Sasha. Daniella appeared to be oblivious to his pain as Sasha jiggled her arm and moved a few steps away.
“Have a good weekend,” Sasha smiled brightly at him and all Jack could manage was a weak nod of his head. “Come on then, girlie,” she said to Daniella, “let’s get you dressed for your fun day ahead!”
All he could do was watch sadly as his daughter was carried away. At the doorway to the living room, Sasha crossed paths with Sam who had just come downstairs. For a few moments Sam interacted with her daughter until she seemed to notice Jack and came further into the room. Reluctant to face up to the situation at hand, Jack slumped down onto the coach. Sam approached him, hovering at the end of the couch whilst watching him intently.
“All packed?” she asked and he gestured his head towards the small bag. She nodded in response. “When are you leaving?”
“In a minute, actually. My travel is booked for around lunchtime.” There was something holding him back and making him wish that he could stay on his couch forever. He did not want to leave Daniella despite the fact that he often did when he was ordered to. The trip that he was about to make was not on an order, it had been his own decision; one which he was already regretting.
She nodded again, her head moving slowly as if she was unsure. “Bet you’re excited.” It seemed more of a statement than a question and there was something in her tone that Jack could not quite place. She perched on the lounge chair placed at a right angle to the couch and fixated her eyes somewhere past his own face.
“Jumping over the moon with joy.”
She gave a genuine smile at his dry comment. “Why are you going?”
His eyes narrowed at her, initially with questioning what she had whispered and then suspicious of her question. Surely she understood his need to do what he had to do. Hope flickered through the nervous waves in his stomach every once in a while; hope that the weekend away would not be a disaster. The only thing that Jack wanted more than to stay at home was to have the weekend be a success. Nerves and fear always beat out the small glimmers of hope and deep down he knew that this weekend was going to be a disaster. He still had to try though. “What do you mean?”
“I just…” She appeared nervous. “I think that I deserve to know.”
“Know what?” Jack felt like he already had enough to deal with today without having extra stress from Sam, but he did not want to leave with a disagreement hanging over their heads. That would be too similar to when he last left Earth for this reason.
She began uncomfortably ringing her hands together, attempting to rival Jack in the fidgeting stakes. “It’s just that when you came back, you said that there was nothing there for you. I’m just curious now as to why you’re going back.” He furrowed his brow at her again, trying to decipher what her root problem was because so far it sounded ever so slightly like a partner might. As if sensing his concern, Sam continued, “It’s just that I think it’s only fair if there’s anything else occurring because, well, I am the mother of your child. I need stability for my daughter, our daughter.”
“Sam, I’m going back there because he’s my son. Before I ever decided to try and make a go if it there with her, I told Laira that I would be a father to my son. It’s been almost a year since I left and recently I’ve been thinking about him a lot more.” This was partly due to being around Daniella all of the time and partly because of Jacob’s words on the Alpha site a few weeks prior. “Trust me, I don’t exactly want to go. I need to go.”
She nodded, clearly thinking over what he had said. “Do you think she’ll grant you access?”
Jack shrugged. “I have no idea. Probably not and she definitely won’t make it easy if she does.” He was well aware of all the extra complications, but it had never occurred to him that Sam would doubt his intentions. “I mean, even if it all goes swimmingly, it’s not as if I can go visit every weekend. And he can’t exactly come stay with me for the holidays.” She seemed to flinch at something he said and if he had to he would hazard a guess that it was at the use of me. They had not really discussed his plans to visit his son, so he had not explained to her how he was not going to mention Sam or their child. Laira had made his life hell when he went to live with her and the Edorans so any information about Sam and Daniella would simply be further fuel for her fire. As the recipient of her wrath, Jack was not that stupid. This was not the time to get into semantics or risk saying anything that offended her. He needed to know that when he got back from his weekend of hell, Sam and Daniella would be happily waiting for him. “Is there any point in me trying? Maybe I should just forget all about my son.”
“Don’t say that, Jack.” There was an anger in her voice which shocked him. “You need to try and see your son, to have a relationship with him. I’m not saying do anything that Laira asks and bow to her every request, but you have to try within reason. I’d like to think that if something awful did ever happen between us, you’d still fight your hardest for Daniella.”
“I would.”
“Well, then, it might be vastly more complicated with you, Laira and Jack-Junior, but you have to fight.” There was a short pause. “I’m sorry about how it maybe seemed like I was attacking you or being jealous or something.” It was not often that Sam had to fumble through a sentence and Jack smirked in slight amusement. “I haven’t led an away mission for quite a while and this is going to be the first time that we’re both off world separately. “
“It’s just a diplomatic mission that you’re going on. Far better that you’re heading SG-1 over me to be fair. Especially considering my diplomacy with the Tok’ra and Jaffa.”
“My father will forgive you for whatever you said.”
“When you finally tell him the truth, maybe.”
“I will.” She did not seem positive about that statement and Jack could not blame her. He had no idea how she was ever going to tell Jacob that Jack was in fact the father of Daniella. Jacob had warned Jack away from his daughter and he was likely to hate the fact that they were now all related.
“You know that if things get out of hand on Pangar, you can contact me. If it really turns south, I’ll be your back up.” She nodded at him, hesitancy and reluctance still on her face. “And at any rate, I’ll probably need rescuing.”
“I hope you get to spend time with your son, Jack.”
“Me too.” All that was churning in his stomach was nerves and fear, the hope had disappeared.
SG – SG – SG
“Hey, Janet, here’s the tritonin.” As Sam entered Janet Fraiser’s office, she held out the small vial of the drug that the Pangarans had given her. She still thought it highly odd that in return for the tritonin, the Pangarans had requested Stargate addresses to known Goa’uld occupied worlds. It was a huge decision that for a moment she had felt that it was above her. It was a world changing decision that Sam felt was not in her remit to make. She was neither a General nor a Colonel; she was not a leader or someone who could decide the fate for an entire planet. It had only been for a moment that she had doubted herself before she realised that she was a leader, leading SG-1 on this mission and that she had the training and experience to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’. At the end of the day, the Pangarans were an incredibly resourceful and intelligent race so if she did not hand over the corrected co-ordinates, they would decipher the code to do it themselves. Tritonin was incredibly valuable and there was always a chance that she or the rest of SG-1 could convince the Pangarans to not head off to a Goa’uld controlled world.
Janet took the tritonin from Sam and studied it by eye as if able to unlock its secrets without technology. “So this is some wonder drug that keeps the Pangarans alive without disease?”
“Apparently so.”
“Nice. We could make real use of that.” Janet put the vial down and swivelled in her chair to face Sam better. Sam, herself, moved over and sat down on a second chair, sighing as she did so. “Long day?”
“In exchange for that,” she nodded her head at the vial, “the Pangarans wanted some Stargate addresses.”
“You were authorised to do that.”
“They wanted worlds they had uncovered, Goa’uld occupied worlds.”
“Did you give it to them?”
Sam nodded as Janet looked shocked. “It’s not all that bad. Daniel’s going to talk to them, try and talk them out of it whilst Carpenter continues helping their archaeologist. If anyone can dissuade them from making the biggest mistake of their lives, it’s Daniel.” There was a long pause. “It was more the fact that it was my decision.”
“You’ve lead missions before, Sam. I know you’ve had a long time of not going off-world, but you can’t honestly be doubting yourself. I know you.”
Sighing again, Sam picked up a pen from the table next to her and began spinning it in between her thumb and index finger. “It isn’t just that.” It was a reluctant admittance and vast understatement. It was not as simple as leading a mission because even though it had been many months, she had done it before. It was not even just the fact that she was away from her daughter because, again, she had done that more and more over the past few months. It was never for more than a couple of nights that Daniella was left at home with Sasha and neither parent, so that was not what was making Sam feel out of sorts. She did not want to admit it to herself, let alone to Janet, but she knew that it would be better for operational safety if she were to unburden her mind to her friend.
“Spit it out,” Janet ordered in the only way a best friend, who also happened to be a parent, doctor and member of the military, could.
“Jack’s gone to visit Laira and I guess I have reservations.”
“He left her to come home, remember? And, anyway, you two are just friends, aren’t you?”
“Yes! Yes, of course we are. Last time he went to her it was for months. He abandoned me and I’m scared that he’ll abandon Daniella and me.”
“He would never abandon Daniella.”
“He left his son.” Sam despised the bitterness in her own voice. Nothing was ever that simple. “What if he falls in love with his son and can’t bear to leave him?”
“Colonel O’Neill barely knows his son, he wouldn’t pick anyone over his daughter. Heaven help any future girlfriend he has.” Janet smiled as if she had just made a funny joke. Sam found nothing funny about the scenario of Jack getting serious with another woman. What if he met someone and fell in love with them, wanted to marry them? Would she and Daniella have to move out? Would he want her to move out and leave Daniella behind? She had been living so much day to day that it had never occurred to her that there was a future ahead of both of them. Noticing the silence, Janet said, “Not that it’s all that likely.”
“What?”
“Nothing. All I meant was that Colonel O’Neill will be home in a few days and you’ll realise that you’re worrying over nothing.” Sam nodded silently as images of Jack bringing women home to meet Daniella flashed through her head. “I haven’t seen you in a few weeks. How have things been?”
Janet and Cassandra had been on a holiday to spend quality time with each other so because of their working hours, Sam had seen neither Janet nor Cassandra for close on a month. “Good. Jack and I had a talk the other week concerning working together and talking with each other.” It had been awkward at first as Sam had been used to being a single parent and then suddenly there was someone else living with her. She had naively assumed that Jack was involved as he wanted to be. Sam understood that it had taken a lot for him to admit his shortcomings and she was willing to incorporate him fully in their family. The only downside was that it brought them closer and closer as a family and the thin line which kept them romantically separate was thinning.
“As long as you keep work and family separate. You can’t ever merge them. Or anything else.” Janet knew Sam far too well. “It’ll be the end for both of you,” she added as a warning.
An element of her wanted to admit to her own growing concern that the line would one day vanish, but Janet was not just her best friend, she would also always be a military officer. “My only concern is Daniella and family life being perfect. I’ve never crossed the line before and I never will.” Janet raised an eyebrow in scepticism at her and Sam stood up slightly sharply. “I better get back to Pangara. Hopefully Carpenter has kept Daniel and Teal’c out of trouble.”
“And I’ll get to work on discovering the secrets of tritonin.” There was a short pause before Janet stopped Sam as she said, “Sam, we’ll have to get together soon. Have a girlie afternoon maybe?”
“Yeah, I’d like that.”
SG – SG – SG
He stomped down the stairs, momentarily forgetting how old they were and that they could be fragile, before entering the underground tomb. Teal’c and Zenna, the Pangaran Archaeologist both turned to Daniel as he sighed and tried to calm himself. Teal’c’s eyebrow arched strongly, questioning Daniel’s bad mood. Daniel shook his head, eliciting a curious look from Zenna and he noticed that Nicola was still working hard on the wall inscriptions.
“Is everything all right, DanielJackson?”
“The Pangarans won’t listen to me,” Daniel explained. “I’ve managed to convince them to hold off on attempting some daring mission to obtain a new Goa’uld Queen, but that’s it so far. These damn people are going to get themselves all killed.” He allowed his anger to vent for a few moments before he noticed Zenna standing there, simply looking at him. Realising that he was talking about her people, Daniel apologised: “I’m sorry, Zenna, I know they’re people you know and care about.”
“Do not apologise, Doctor Jackson, I have known for years that the Queen we have and the tritonin we developed was killing us. We are now dependent on the drug which is rapidly depleting.” She shook her head in shame and sorrow. “One way or another, we are a doomed people.”
“No!” Daniel shook his head. “Our doctors will work on it and the Tok’ra are already here. We’ll find some sort of solution.” It was a promise that he was not sure he could keep, but he wanted so much to keep. “Sam’s with them, working on the problem now. They won’t stop until they find something.”
“Indeed,” Teal’c agreed. “The Tau’ri and Tok’ra will endeavour to find a solution.”
“Umm, hey, I might have found something.” All three of them turned towards Nicola who was still staring hard at the wall.
“Noticed I’d come back then?”
“No one could miss you rushing down the stairs, Daniel. This is an archaeological dig, you know? I mean, older than old, fragile.”
“Yeah, yeah, spit it out, Carpenter, what have you found?” He allowed a smirk to cross his face as he took a few steps towards Nicola. She turned around to face him and the others, a concerned look on her face. Daniel knew Nicola well enough after months of working together to decipher her moods from the look on her face. There was normally an immense excitement on her face around an ancient find like this one, mostly excited because sometimes she would be frustrated at her failing to finish or being blocked by an obstacle. The look on her face seemed more like that which she had when a military operation was going south.
“It’s about the Goa’uld they’ve been using.”
“What of the Queen?” Teal’c enquired. “Which Goa’uld have they been using?”
“It names the Goa’uld as an enemy of Ra.” Nicola paused and it made Daniel’s worry increase exponentially. They shared the trait of being too excitable to contain information for very long, but she was stumbling over her revelation. “Does the name Egeria mean anything to either of you?”
Daniel knew immediately who Egeria was and the look on Nicola’s face said that she did recognise Egeria’s name. It was Teal’c who found his voice first: “The Founder of the Tok’ra.”
“Oh, my God.” Daniel’s mind instantly went into overdrive as he tried to think of what they should do next. The Tok’ra deserved to know, but it could destroy everything between the Tau’ri and Pangarans. “We have to tell Sam.”
“What a great first mission for her to be leading?” Nicola said rhetorically as all four of them made their way to the stairs, heading for the surface in search of Sam.
SG – SG – SG
Part of her was so very glad that it was late at night when she arrived home because it meant that Daniella was already asleep. She hated herself for feeling like that because as a mother she should always want to see her daughter, especially after a few days apart. During her brief return to deliver the tritonin to Janet, Sam had not had the time to visit Daniella, but given the events which occurred after then, Sam wanted to simply lie on her couch in quiet. She remained lying, sprawled on the couch, as she heard a noise at the front door and instantly placed it as a key in the lock. A few moments later, Sam heard heavy, but silent footsteps and the sound of a duffel bag dropping to the floor. The lights above her then flickered and she squeezed her eyes shut to avoid the brightness.
“Oh, sorry,” Jack mumbled as he switched the lights back off. “Didn’t see you there.” She heard him move further into the room and he soon turned on a smaller lamp in the corner of the room. Sam looked over towards him and saw him sitting on the armchair, his face hidden by shadows.
“That’s okay. I didn’t think you were coming home tonight.”
“How did the mission go?” he asked, clearly avoiding her question.
She chose to ignore his dodging and answered him instead, “We found the mother of all Tok’ra.”
He nodded in the shadow. “Bet the Tok’ra are happy.”
“Not too much – she died soon after.”
“Ah, well our friendship can’t get any worse with them. Maybe I am glad I wasn’t there.”
Squinting over at him, Sam considered the man with whom she shared her life. “Dad wasn’t there.”
“He’s not the only one who hates me.”
“How was your trip?” She sat up and tried to see his face better, but the lamp behind him was still keeping his face darkened.
“I’m off to bed. See you in the morning.” Before Sam could say anything to try and stop him, Jack was already out of the door and up the stairs. She knew that it would not have done any good. No matter how long they lived together and how well they knew each other, Jack would always remain stubborn. There was no point in trying to push him or force him to speak. He would either get over it, tell her in his own time or bottle it until he exploded. She had not yet had to deal with him exploding in a home situation and she was not looking forward to the day that it did. Unfortunately, trying to involve Laira and their son into his life was going to lead to nothing but trouble for Jack and, by association, Sam and Daniella.
Author's Notes: Jack has something he needs to do, leaving Sam to lead SG-1 on their diplomatic mission to Pangar.
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