~Every cloud in the sky
Every place that I hide
Tell me that I, I was wrong to let you go
Every song that I hear
Every thought that I feel
Tell me that I, I was wrong to let you go~
Wrong to let you go “ Wild Strawberries/Robert Michaels
“Damn it”, Sam cursed out loud as she packed. Where was her damn indiglo watch? She needed her watch! She bent beside the bench to look under, but to no avail. She sighed and rested her back on the bench, covering her face with her hands.
Damn it, damn it, damn it. This couldn't be true right? They couldn’t go back there, could they? What would the Woodmen need their help for after nine months? Teal'c had told them that the Woodmen were the ones who had helped him escape while they’d been there the last time, but as honorable as Sam wanted to be, she really didn't feel like meeting certain people again.
People like…Karrigan and her father, Lord DuVallois. He had held them prisoner for three months and had almost forced Colonel O'Neill to marry Karrigan, who was half his age! Sam remembered angrily. He'd sent Daniel alone at the King's palace so that he could have access to the tricks of alchemy but the lord had failed there as well.
But most of all…It would make her find herself in the same position as nine months ago: away from rules and regulations and she’d find herself in the same dreamy haze as the night when she’d gone and joined the colonel on his roof.
Thank God her cell phone rang at the good moment that night, because she was sure they would have acted on their feelings. They’d been about to kiss again on the roof when they had been interrupted and that had frozen them both. They had both realized then what they were about to do and what a big mistake it would have been, so Sam had decided to get the hell out of there and try to move on. But they had done the right thing…right?
Oh who the hell was she trying to kid? Of course it wasn't totally right! But jumping into each other’s arms after what they'd just gone through wouldn't have been the right thing to do either! They had both been in some kind of unreal state of mind that had allowed them to forget about their true positions here on Earth. Fortunately, reality had hit before it was too late.
But no matter how hard Sam tried to reason her actions, there was still a big part of her that regretted not staying with him that night. She had done what was best for her career and friends, but was it the best for herself? It hadn't been easy. Far from that, and the air between them after that had been even tenser than ever before. It was hard to forget the closeness they had shared during their exile of three months. But that was nine months ago, and things were better now. Sam was feeling better, the colonel was too, from what she’d observed. They were better at being professional and at keeping a good distance between them, and yet keep on being friendly. Actually, Sam could safely assume that they were as friendly as before…
Sensing a presence behind her, Sam turned around and saw the colonel standing there, his face impassible but for a large frown clouding his expression. Sam knew that expression and immediately felt herself stiffen, and she cursed herself mentally for her own stupid reaction. But she truly couldn’t help it! Finishing lacing her boot, she placed the last of her gear in her pack and turned to face him, forgetting all about the lost watch. He looked as if he wanted to say something, but Sam really didn’t think hearing it would be such a good idea.
"You ok?" He asked at last but she avoided looking up at him. She couldn’t look into his eyes and see what she’d been seeing for the last nine months - regrets. Instead she threw her pack over her shoulder and put on her cap, effectively hiding most of her eyes.
"Fine sir. You?" She replied flatly. She knew he was disappointed in her, but what did he expect her to do? Did he just expect her to tell him that going back there was one of her biggest nightmares coming true? Or that on the contrary, she was so excited to go back, it scared the hell out of her? To tell him that this would make 'being professional' even harder than before? Did he expect her to just jump into his arms and cry on his shoulder? Shaking her head angrily, Sam finally looked back at him.
His face was grave and serious, and she could see by the set of his jaw and shoulders that he was tense and more than a little angry.
"I'm fine." He said after a while and threw a look over at his locker. He entered more fully into the room and started filling up his pack. "You done here?" He asked after a while without even throwing a glance in her direction.
"Yes sir." Picking the rest of her gear, Sam got the hell out of there.
Just like she had that night.
Damn it.
*******
The locker room had been empty for a while now, but for some reason Jack needed that little time alone. It was hard enough just being here and trying to act as if nothing had ever happened between Carter and him, he really didn't need bittersweet memories to add to the tension. He’d been trying real hard not to give anything away but damn it, what a dumb fool he had been to just let her go that night. He respected her choice, he really did, but sometimes it just felt like they had missed the one chance they could ever have to be together. She’d run away as fast as she could that night, but he couldn’t really blame her. They’d been waltzing on very dangerous grounds, that night.
But damn it, why had he let her go?
"Jack? You ok?"
Daniel's voice startled him. He really didn't feel like talking right now and he craved just being alone. But no such luxury today, apparently, he thought. All his packs were ready and waiting beside him on the bench. He was all geared up, but for some reason he just couldn’t move. He just couldn't find the courage to get this done with and move the hell on, so he just sat there, lost in thought. Well that was, until Daniel came in.
"I'm fine Daniel." He replied at last, sounding harsher than he’d intended. "Did you need something?" He had come to learn that the best way to make Daniel go away is to make him say what he had to say. So he waited.
"Actually," Daniel began as he walked more fully into the locker room and sat on the bench in front of him. "I'd like to suggest we bring Amalia with us. After all it's her planet and she did help us escape the last time."
"Sure why not." Realizing he was just sitting there, Jack tried to find something to do so Daniel wouldn’t think he was just…sitting there. Suddenly the lace of his boot felt all the way too loose, so he bent and laced it again. As he bent he spotted a watch under the bench, so he picked it up and, recognizing it as Carter’s, put it in his pocket. When Daniel didn't reply, Jack looked up at him, only to find him surprised, as if he'd been expecting a negative answer.
"Really?" Daniel asked after a few seconds, his eyes narrowed.
"Well yeah, you said so yourself, she could be of help." With a sigh he stood and gathered his courage in the meantime. It's time to do it. Just do it Jack, he told himself.
"You sure you're ok?" Damn the man was persistent.
"Yeah, you ready? Because it's time to go." He added as he pointed his thumb over his shoulder at the exit. Daniel stood after a few seconds and followed him a few feet behind to the gate room.
He found Carter and Teal'c all ready, but he carefully avoided any eye contact with either of them. Carter would look away anyway, and Teal'c would raise a scolding eyebrow. He really didn't need any of that right now. The gate started spinning and finally Amalia came running into the gate room, a heavy pack around her shoulder. She smiled at Jack apologetically, but he merely nodded. She did awfully fast given the fact that she had just been added to the mission. She was usually always late. Everybody was used to that, and Jack had learnt not to be an ass about it. Just as long as it wasn't *too* late.
Feeling eyes on his back, Jack turned around to catch Carter looking at him. Raising an eyebrow, he challenged her to look away, but for the first time in a long time, she didn’t. She held his stare stubbornly and, for a long second, allowed him to see all the fear, anxiety and confused hope she was feeling at going back to his damn planet. Struck by her sudden openness, he didn’t know what to do. How to tell her he felt the same? How to tell her he was just as scared as she was? Unable to do anything else, he swallowed and nodded almost imperceptibly. She replied in kind and a slow smile appeared at the corner of her mouth, filling Jack’s heart with warmth. Damn it, how could she still do that after all this time?
"Chevron seven, locked." The Gate whooshed open and with a salute to the General, he made his way up the ramp. Before stepping through though, he took a deep, very deep, breath.
He couldn't help the thought from crossing his mind for the millionth time. Why had he let her go?
And now they had to put themselves through that again…
******
Idan was nervous. He could not know with assurance if the people of Earth had gotten his message or if their answer would be affirmative, and all he could was wait.
However, waiting was something he was not very good at, especially when time was a luxury he did not have. His people had already started to move and soon they would strike. But for his plan to work, he needed help.
From the height of his wooden home in a tall tree, he could see the meadow and the Ring - the well he was fishing his hope from - and if he turned, his eyes would settle on a small village. If he looked further, he would find a little castle - a manor. The manor of a Lord who had had to pay for gaining the favors of the rich. DuVallois had been the first to suffer Idan's plan, because of that. It was sad, in a way, Idan thought as he watched, that a man would lose everything he had only because he had the misfortune of living wealthily. Oh Lord DuVallois was not as innocent as it seemed, but Idan was still feeling nauseous at the thought of the bad actions his people would have to commit to achieve its goal.
But people were suffering, and it was time to change that.
DuVallois had not been hurt physically, but Idan knew mankind well enough to know that being betrayed by the ones you love is almost as worst as physical pain. After all, DuVallois’ own daughter had turned against him when he had forced her to marry lord DeLaroche, a few months before. Their fight had alimented the local gossip for months, and Idan had taken advantage of that. Karrigan was now on his side and, even if she was now married to a rich but naive man, she was still very powerful and determined. That is what Idan needed, as well as the kind of strength of character she possessed.
A bright blue-ish flash of light coming from the meadow attracted Idan’s glare, and, with a grin, he looked at the now active Ring and at the five figures stepping through.
He would succeed. Of that he was certain.
******
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