Jolinar.
The Stargate.
It all made sense now, and Sam wished she'd brought her memory notebook with her. It was as if, suddenly, a blinding light burst into her head and she remembered.
She remembered everything.
From the gift her grandma had given her when she was five years old to the coordinates for Chulack. From the death of her mother to the death of Martouf, and from her first teenage crush to Jack…
Jack.
Colonel O'Neill. The colonel.
Sam sighed as she watched him sleep peacefully, his wounds totally gone. The General had decided it was time she knew the truth - she suspected Daniel had something to do with that - and he told her everything he could in the short time they had. Daniel's description of the colonel's wounds had been a perfect example of euphemism, and it was only when she had taken the Goa'uld healing device and placed her hand in it that the memories had flowed forcefully in her head. She had closed her eyes and faces, conversations and events had all passed through her mind at bullet speed. But finally she'd remembered. And it had been time to do whatever she could to help the colonel.
She understood now what Daniel had meant when he'd told her she had a certain ability; the power left by Jolinar of using Goa'uld technologies. And from what she had understood, it was also their last hope, unless of a miracle. So she'd gone to the colonel's bedside with clenched teeth at the pressure that was placed upon her. He'd looked so pale, lying there motionless that she'd had to fight the sudden feeling of nausea that had invaded her. She'd closed her eyes again, trying to forget her own feelings and exactly what was at stake here, and lifted the healing device above the colonel's chest until she had felt the power flow through her and converge to her extended hand. She'd heard the Colonel moan softly, but Sam had tried not to get disoriented and concentrated on the energy she was liberating through the device.
After what seemed an eternity, she'd felt the flow stop and she had opened her eyes slowly, afraid of what she'd see. First her eyes had fallen on the colonel and she let out a relieved sigh as she saw he was breathing a lot more easily, and the big scratches on his chest, face and arms had totally gone.
She had done it.
Her legs shaking, she had dropped herself on the chair beside his bed, but she wasn't sure if her sudden weakness was due to relief or to the amount of energy she had put into the device. She remembered now that it was probably easier for a Goa'uld to use the devices without exhausting themselves because of the healing properties of the symbiote. But no matter what was the reason, she felt exhausted and let the doctors do the rest of the job. She'd glanced at Hammond, Daniel, Teal'c and Janet and they all smiled proudly and gratefully at her. Then Daniel and Teal'c had escorted her to her quarters where they talked a bit, but then she was so tired she had felt asleep.
When she'd woken up, she'd realized three hours had already passed and she cursed herself for sleeping so soundly. She got up and practically ran to the infirmary, where, she hoped, she would get some news about how the colonel was doing. When she walked in, the room was empty except for a nurse working on changing the sheets of the rest of the beds so she'd smiled at her and walked to the colonel's bed.
He was still asleep but he looked way better, and the colors and the tan were coming back to his face. She sat and, her eyes still fixed on him, Sam smiled, happy. Her memory was back, the colonel was safe, and she couldn't wait to get back to work. Now that she knew the whole big truth, she felt foolish. She'd confronted him with his own feelings when she knew now that she had been the one dismissing everything.
None of this has to leave this room.
She closed her eyes, remembering the hurt she'd seen in his eyes when she had said that and realized that it was time she fixed that. When she opened her eyes again, the colonel was staring right back at her.
"Carter…" He breathed and blinked twice, as if he thought she wasn't real.
"Yes sir, I'm here." She said softly as she brought her chair closer to his bed. She smiled but he didn't return it. In fact he was more serious now than she had seen him in the last couple of days.
"You remembered." It was a question, but Sam winced at the accusatory tone in his voice.
"Yes sir. I'm back." He finally looked down and closed his eyes for a moment. After a few minutes Sam thought he was asleep again, and she was ready to leave him in peace when he spoke again.
"I'm sorry." He said, and Sam felt her heart begin thudding in her chest. "I'm sorry I hurt you, when you asked about us." His eyes were still closed, but Sam knew he really meant it. Sitting on the edge of her chair, she bent over and leaned her forehead against the side of his head, her eyes closing on the tears she felt dwelling behind her eyelids.
"I'm sorry too." She whispered in his ear in a shaking voice and she felt his warm hand take hers so she gave it a gentle squeeze. He sighed and Sam brushed her forehead over his temple, covering their fingers with her free hand. They stayed this way for a while, her forehead against his temple, none of them saying anything, until Sam heard footsteps coming their way. Sitting straight in her chair again, she let go of his hand reluctantly and he opened his eyes. She nodded almost imperceptibly, trying to tell him that she meant everything she'd just done and he returned the nod until Fraiser's voice over Sam's shoulder startled her.
"Colonel, how are you feeling?" She asked as she checked his pupils with the penlight.
"I feel fine. Great, in fact. Especially considering what jumped on me on that planet!" He said bitterly.
"Yes," Janet replied with a small smile, "Teal'c debriefed us all on that. You were injured very severely Colonel. We thought we had lost you for good this time." The colonel raised an eyebrow and glanced at Sam with a question in his eyes.
"So what happened? I'm not feeling any pain or anything." He said and automatically checked his toes to make sure they were functioning properly.
"You can thank Major Carter for that!" A voice from the doorway announced and General Hammond walked more fully into the room until he was beside Sam. "She saved your life, Colonel." Sam looked away from the colonel's gaze, feeling embarrassed, and smiled briefly at the General, feeling her face getting a reddish tint.
"She does that every day sir." The Colonel replied and, realizing what he had just said, looked at the General. "I mean, she does that everyday in the SGC." He cleared his throat and Sam looked down at her feet, trying to hide her smile. Did that really mean what she thought it meant? "So how did you do it this time?" He asked, and Sam looked up when she realized he was talking to her.
"I…um…I used the Goa'uld healing device." She said, not really sure about the way he was going to react to that. She held his steady stare and finally he nodded as his eyes held hers.
"Thanks." He said at last and she smiled, but still feeling embarrassed, she suddenly had the need to leave the room and be alone for a little while. Everything had just happened so fast in the last couple of hours that she felt she was still under the shock and she really needed time to clear her head and make things straight again. Just as she was about to excuse herself, Daniel rushed into the room closely followed by Teal'c, and they practically ran at the colonel's side, which gave Sam an opportunity to leave without appearing rude.
She excused herself and the General dismissed her, so with a last smile in the colonel's direction, Sam left and went directly to her quarters. She closed the door and, leaning her back against it, she closed her eyes and sighed heavily.
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