It was a beautiful night. No clouds in the sky, gentle breeze, and the you could see the stars very clearly. Sam took in a deep breath and let it out. *Just wonderful. I love springtime in the Rockies.* She left the grocery store and made her way to her car. She was so intent on the sky that she didn't notice the man following her. She got to her car and before she knew what was happening, she was knocked into her car. She turned around and saw that the man had a bat in his hand. Stunned, she didn't react, and lost a few precious moments. The man took his advantage and hit her in the head with his fist. She fell over, bringing her arms up as her survival skills took over.
As she was standing back up, the man hit her again on the head, this time with the baseball bat, knocking her unconscious. He leaned over her body and found her car keys, opened the door and put her in the back seat. Looking around to see if there were any witnesses, he got in the car and drove off.
He drove into the foothills, into a secluded area, away from any people or buildings. Sam was stirring and groaning, so he stopped the car. He got out and went to the back door, opened it, and grabbing Sam, he turned her over onto her back. Becoming more aware, she realized that the man was taking off her clothes. She started to fight back, but was weak at her efforts. The man laughed and hit her in the head again. As the man started to rape her, she was thankful that the cold blackness of unconsciousness claimed her.
Several hours later, Sam awoke. She had a splitting headache. *What the hell...* she started to think until she remembered. Laying there quietly, she listened for any signs that her attacker was still there. Satisfied after a few minutes, she cautiously sat up and looked around. She was still in the back seat of her car. She was still naked from the waist down, and her shirt was torn very badly. She got out of her car and found her pants and panties thrown on the ground, they were badly torn as well. She picked up her clothes and opened the front driver's door. The attacked had left her car keys in the ignition. She got into the driver's seat and sat there, stunned for a very long time. Finally, she started her car and found her way home.
She was thankful that there was nobody outside at her apartment building. She grabbed her things and ran to her door and let herself in. She dropped her clothes on the floor and then took off her shirt and bra. She gathered her garments and went to the kitchen. Getting the wastebasket out, she put her clothes in them. She rummaged in her kitchen drawers until she found some matches, and rubbing alcohol. She poured the whole bottle of rubbing alcohol onto her clothes and struck a match. Without a moment's hesitation, she threw the match on her clothes and watched them burn. After the fire had slowed, she took the ashes into the bathroom and rinsed out the wastebasket. She turned the water all the way to cold and stood there in the shower. The shock was starting to wear off and she started crying uncontrollably. She took her soap and cloth and scrubbed her body several times over, trying to get the dirty feeling she had off of her. She stopped when she ran out of soap. Turning off the water, she made her way into her bedroom and collapsed onto her bed, falling into a very hard, uneasy sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jack walked into SG-1's office. "Good morning, campers!" Looking around, he saw only Daniel and Teal'c. "Where's Sam?" Glancing at his watch, he noticed it was 0820. *She's never late* he thought.
Daniel shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know, Jack."
"Neither do I O'Neill." Teal'c said.
Daniel looked at Jack. "She's probably stuck in traffic or something like that."
Nodding his head Jack agreed. "You're right. Let's get stared with the information we gathered from P3X-0478."
They were discussing what they were going to do when Sam rushed in. The guys stared at her. She looked awful. Her hair was unkempt and her uniform had wrinkles. She was wearing no make-up. She kept her right hand to the side of her face as she made her way around the table and sat into her chair. She laid down the papers she was carrying with her left hand, and put her right elbow on the table. She rested her head in her right hand, and rested her left forearm on the table, cupping her right elbow with her left hand. Hoping that her teammates wouldn't notice the bruise that was there, she didn't turn to look at them.
"Sorry Sir."
You okay, Carter?" Jack was concerned.
Sam nodded her head slowly. "Fine. Just fine." It was barely a whisper. The men looked at each other.
Daniel scooted his chair closer to her, and put his hand on her shoulder. She jerked shoulder back so suddenly that she startled Daniel. "Are you sure you're okay?" He asked softly. He was concerned about his friend.
"I said I was fine, damn it! What more do you want?!"
Daniel turned to look at Jack questioningly and Jack quickly shook his head. Daniel moved his chair back and returned his gaze to Sam.
"Okay..." Jack didn't know how to continue. So he changed the subject to P3X-0478. "Well. We were talking about P3X-0478. Daniel just told me his results on the rocks that he had brought back..."
"Jack, they are artifacts."
Jack smirked and continued. "And now we just need the test results on the soil and air samples you gathered, Carter."
Sam just sat there, not moving. "Carter!" She jumped.
"Sorry Sir. Ah, I ah... don't have the ahh, results yet, Sir." She still did not look up from the table.
Jack sighed. Softly he asked her when they would be done.
She slammed her hands on the table, and stood up and stormed out of the room without saying a word.
"I do believe that Captain Carter is upset." Teal'c said.
"That's an understatement." Jack was confused. "Daniel, maybe you should follow her and see if you can 'do something'." Jack said, waving his hands in the air.
"I don't know if that's a good idea, Jack."
"Well, then what exactly do you think we should do?"
Teal'c suggested getting Janet to go and talk to Sam.
"Good idea, Teal'c." Jack sighed. *Just what the hell is going on?*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doctor Janet Frasier was in her office, finishing up paperwork on her most recent patient. Hearing a noise, she looked up and saw the male members of SG-1 standing there. She leaned back in chair, crossed her arms and smiled. "Something I can do for you gentlemen?"
The men didn't say anything, just looked at each other.
Noticing the strained expressions on their faces, Janet sat more upright in her chair. Furrowing her eyebrows, she asked "Is something wrong?"
Jack finally spoke. "Well... Sam."
"Sam... what?" Janet was getting curious, and growing more concerned.
"We think there's something wrong with her..."
Now Janet was getting frustrated along with her concern. "Well, what is it? Is she sick?"
Daniel looked over at Jack and Teal'c before speaking. "She was late coming in this morning, and you know she is never late. She brushed past us, sat down and didn't say a word. When Jack asked her if she was okay, she mumbled something, and then I asked her and she yelled at me." He took a deep breath before continuing. "We started to tell her what we were going over and Jack asked her for the test results she was supposed to have. She didn't say anything, just hit the table with her hands, and ran out of the room. We don't know what to do. We thought that you, maybe could go and talk to her?"
By this time Janet had risen and was standing before the guys. "Did you notice anything else?"
"No Doctor Frasier, we did not see anything else." Teal'c offered.
Janet sighed. "Okay. I'll go and see what could be bothering her. I will come to your office when I find out something, okay? Now don't worry."
After the guys left her office, Janet turned off her desk lamp. *This doesn't sound like her. She's usually so up-beat and happy." Frowning, she left to find Sam.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sam was in her quarters, laying on her bed. *Raped, raped, raped, raped, raped...* She couldn't stop thinking about it no matter how hard she tried. *Damn those guys for caring.* She started to cry again, not being able to stop. *I am a trained soldier in the United States Air Force. This is not supposed to be happening to me.* She heard a soft knock at her door and her head shot up. She sat up quickly on her bed, trying to wipe away the tears before whoever it was wanted to come in.
Janet was walking down the hall to the officer's quarters when she heard crying. She slowly approached Sam's door, and confirmed that it was her. She knocked softly.
"Go away."
Janet sighed. There was definitely something wrong. She knocked again. "Sam, it's me, Janet."
"In case you didn't understand me, I said go away!"
Janet tried the knob, finding it locked. "Sam, please. There's something I need to tell you." *Hopefully that will get her to open up.*
Sam sighed and went to open the door. She unlocked it and went back to her bed, without opening it for Janet.
Janet walked in and shut the door behind her. There were no lights on the room, so it was hard to see where Sam was. "Sam." The only answer she got was some of the sniffles you get after crying. "Sam. I'm going to turn on the desk lamp." She took the lack of response as permission. She was not prepared for what she saw. Sam was laying on her bed on her left side, knees folded up in the fetal position. She had taken off her uniform and was wearing only a tank top and boxer shorts. Her eyes were raw and red from crying. She looked so very tired. And very sad.
Janet walked over to the bed and sat on the edge. She placed a soft hand on Sam's left leg, but Sam moved away. Janet moved closer to Sam. "Sam, honey. What's the matter?" She said softly. The only thing she got from Sam was Sam turning even farther away from Janet.
Janet got up to go and face Sam. That's when she noticed the bruise on Sam's face. "Oh My God! Sam! What happened?" Sam tried to resist when Janet pulled her up to a sitting position, but couldn't stop her. Janet started examining the bruise when some red marks on Sam's arms caught her eye. She turned and looked directly at Sam. "Look at me, Sam."
Sam slowly turned her head, wincing at the effort.
"Sam. I need to take you to the infirmary and get you checked out."
As soon as the words left Janet's mouth, Sam pulled away from Janet and went to the corner of the room, crouching on the floor, hugging her knees. "No. No way. The only thing that is wrong is you and everybody else won't let me alone. I fell. That's what happened!" She practically spat the words at Janet.
Janet looked at her sad friend. She could tell that she was hurting badly, on the outside as well as the inside. She walked over to where Sam was and sat next to her on the floor. "Please Sam. I'm worried about you. Tell me what happened. Tell me as your friend, not as your doctor."
Sam started to cry and Janet pulled her into a hug, stroking Sam's hair "Go ahead honey. Let it all out. I'll be here for you when you are ready." She was not expecting what she heard next from Sam.
Sam whispered. "Raped."
Janet's head snapped up. "What?" She turned to Sam. "What did you say?"
Sam's words were very cold. "I said that I was raped. Do I have to spell it out for you?"
"Ahh. Sam..." She didn't know what else to say. She didn't have very much experience at all dealing with rape victims. She did know that they were withdrawn, and often lashed out at the people they cared for. She knew it was going to be hard, but she had to say it.
"Sam, I would like to take you to the infirmary to get checked." Janet didn't think it was possible that Sam could have drawn even farther back into the corner, but it appeared as if she did. "Please Sam. We need to check your injuries..." Sam still didn't respond. Janet sighed. "Sam. I will make this an official order if I need to, and I know that's not what you want. Please, come with me."
"Fine!" Sam gave Janet a freezing look. She got up, put her uniform back on and turned towards Janet. Janet walked over to the door and opened it up, waited for Sam to go through, then shut it. Making sure it was locked, she lead Sam to the infirmary.
Janet took Sam's arm. "We'll go an alternate way, so there won't be as much people." Sam didn't say a word.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Daniel, Teal'c and Jack were in SG-1's office. They tried to get some work done, but they were too concerned about Sam.
"What's taking Janet so damn long?" Jack was getting more upset by the minute.
"O'Neill. Doctor Frasier said she would inform us of Sam's condition when she was able."
"Thanks alot Teal'c. That makes me feel so much better." Jack's voice dripping with sarcasm.
Teal'c nodded his head. "Glad to be of service."
Jack threw up his hands in frustration and went over to his chair. He sat down and turned away from the others, making it clear that he was not to be bothered.
"Is something wrong, DanielJackson?" Teal'c asked, nodding over in Jack's direction.
"No Teal'c. Jack is concerned about Captain Carter, as we all are. People deal with situations in different ways. He'll be fine." *I hope Sam will be fine also.*
Jack heard the conversation between Daniel and Teal'c. *If only they knew how much this is bothering me. If something was wrong, why didn't she tell me?* Jack and Sam had been becoming closer lately. Confiding things in each other that they would tell no one else. He had told her about Charlie, and she told him about her father. Jack growled under his breath and sat even further down into his chair.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Janet came into the examining room to find Sam in the gown she had placed out for her. "I know this isn't going to be easy. I'll try the best I can to make it comfortable for you. First, I need to know what exactly happened." She picked up a chart and was waiting for Sam to begin.
"You are going to make an official report?" Sam was almost hoarse from crying.
"No. It won't go into your chart here. I just need it for the police."
Sam stood up. "No. I am not going to the police."
Janet looked up from the chart she was writing in. "Are you sure? You really should think about this." Sam shook her head violently. "Okay. That's okay. Then we will have the documents and evidence ready in case you change your mind." Sam seemed to relax at this. She then proceeded to tell Janet the events of the night. Janet listened carefully, trying not to look to horrified when Sam was describing the horrendous things that happened. "So, I woke up late, and realized that I was running late. I debated whether to come in, but I thought it would make it worse. Staying home to think about it. I figured I would be able to forget it when I got here, but when Daniel and Jack were asking me how I was feeling... That just made me so upset. What do they care about me? I couldn't take it and left." She let out a deep breath.
Janet finished writing in the chart and looked up at Sam. Sam looked like she was feeling a little better. "Okay, Sam. Now I have to check you for injuries, the obvious and the not so obvious." Sam shook her head in understanding.
It took a little over an hour for Janet to do the examination. She collected samples, took pictures. She bandaged up the more serious lacerations that Sam had. "Okay Sam. The bruises on your arms, neck and legs will take awhile to heal, the legs most likely taking the longest. I will take the stitches that I put on your labia out in a week. There is a chance you will have menstrual irregularities for a while. I'm going to prescribe some anti-depression medication. It's pretty strong, so be careful when you take it. Don't drink alcohol when you take it. I'm also going to give you medical leave for a week. Do you have any questions?"
Sam hung her head. "No. I'm sorry Janet."
"Sorry for what?"
"For being so awful."
Janet sat next to Sam. "You weren't that bad. I mean you were bad, but not that bad."
Sam smiled weakly. "Sam, why don't you get dressed, while I finish this?" Janet pointed to the chart.
As Sam was starting to get dressed, Janet turned Sam to look at her. "There is one more thing Sam. I need to tell General Hammond that I'm giving you medical leave. I won't tell him what really happened, only that you were robbed and that you need some rest." She had Sam sit down in the chair and she sat next to Sam. "You should also let the guys know what happened."
Sam put her head in her hands. "Janet, do I have to?" She pleaded.
Janet put a comforting hand on Sam's leg. "They are very worried about you. They want me to inform them when I had an idea of what was going on with you. My assistant told me that they came over to my office at least three times looking for me while we were in here." Janet saw the color drain out of Sam's face. Janet quickly continued. "Don't worry. They don't know. Even the assistant doesn't know you're in here. I told her that I was doing a physical on a woman. I didn't say what who it was, and made up a bogus chart just to be sure." Sam had never looked so relieved. "But don't think that gets you out of telling the guys. Really Sam. I know it is a very awful thing that happened to you, but you don't have to tell them exactly what happened. You can tell them that you were robbed."
Sam sighed. "I know you're right Janet, but I don't..."
"Don't what?"
Sam took a deep breath and continued. "I don't want to lie. I don't want to get caught later on, please don't lie to General." She paused for a minute before contuning. "I don't want them to hate me."
"Oh Sam. Don't worry. They won't hate you. They care for you Sam and want you to be okay. You'll see. I can only imagine what you are going through, I only know that I can help you. And I will do anything to help you get through this. It will take time, but you will not be alone. I guarantee that." She gave Sam a reassuring squeeze on the knee. "I will go with you, if you want."
Sam looked up with tired eyes. Janet was her friend, even more so now, so she knew that she was right. "I know Janet. But I just can't do it. Please, tell them for me." She pleaded with Janet. "Please. I can't face them. Not yet. Please." Sam's eyes pleaded with Janet.
"Okay Sam. I will tell them, but you have to realize that most likely Jack and possibly even Daniel and Teal'c might come over. I know that Daniel and Teal'c care for you, but I also do know that Jack cares for you even more." Sam looked up at this. Janet smiled. "I can tell that you two have been getting closer. Just be prepared for when he does show up. You are free to go." Sam gave Janet a long hug.
Janet looked at her friend. " I am going to go and tell General Hammond, and then I will help you out to your car, okay?" Sam nodded, and Janet left her to go find Hammond.
Sam watched her friend leave. She pulled up her knees and hugged them, being very thankful for a friend like Janet. Now, if only the guys would understand why she couldn't do it in person. It seemed like eternity until Janet returned, but was in fact only 15 minutes.
"Don't worry about the General, Sam. He said to take as much time as you needed, and that he will not let it get out. Now, let's get you home."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Daniel and Teal'c were sitting at one end of the table, Jack at the other. Teal'c and Daniel were going over the mission briefing, but neither could concentrate much. Jack hadn't said a word since the last time Teal'c went to go and find Doctor Frasier. They all jumped when they heard a soft knock at the door. Jack practically pushed Daniel down, running to get the door. He opened it to find Janet standing there.
"About time!" Jack snarled. It was well after 1700 hours.
"Jack..." Daniel began, but was cut off by a searing look from Jack.
"Well, Doctor Frasier. Anything? Did you find Sam? Is she okay?" Jack was joined by Daniel and Teal'c at the door.
Janet smiled. This confirmed her feeling that Jack had cared more for Sam that he had let on. "Colonel. Please, sit down and I will explain everything."
Jack pulled up to his full height so he was towering over Janet. "Where's Sam?"
Janet wasn't intimidated by Jack's size and wasn't going to put up with it. She realized that he was concerned, but it was no excuse. "Colonel, Sir. Sit. Down. I will tell you."
Teal'c grabbed Jack's arm and forcefully sat him down in a chair. Jack glared up at Teal'c, but said nothing.
Janet looked at them, deciding on how to start. She took a deep breath in and let it out. "Last night, while Sam was on her way out of a store, she was attacked from behind."
"WHAT?" The three men said in unison.
"Please. Let me finish. The attacker drove her to a secluded area and, well.. let's say that he wasn't very nice. He beat her up pretty bad. Then, he..." Janet paused. She didn't know exactly how to say this. "Well, he forced her."
"What the hell?" Jack was on his feet. One look from Janet made him sit down.
Daniel was in shock. "Oh my God." He took off his glasses and rubbed his temples. "This can't be real."
Teal'c didn't say a word. He was confused. *Forced?* "Forgive me, Doctor Frasier, but I do not understand. What did he force her to do?"
Janet looked at him with sympathy. She quietly explained to Teal'c exactly what that had meant.
He leaned back with a grave look on his face. "I see."
Jack was becoming very agitated. "Where's Sam!"
"Sam's not here." Janet said. "Jack, Sam needs your support now more than ever, please understand that. She's very scared."
Daniel whispered. "Of what?" He was still in shock.
Janet sighed. "She doesn't want you three to be angry or upset with her because of what happened."
Jack got up to leave but Janet stopped him. "Before you leave Colonel, Sir. I need to tell you something." Jack turned towards her, but stayed where he was. Janet continued. "General Hammond is the only other person who know of Sam's 'situation'. The story about Sam's not being on base is that there was a family emergency and that she had to leave town. Do you all understand?" Everyone nodded yes, and Jack ran out of the room, heading towards Sam's house.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sam was in her living room. She had all the lights turned out, save on small lamp by the TV. She was curled up on her sofa, under a down blanket. She was also wearing sweats, and a sweatshirt. She couldn't get rid of feeling cold. She was drinking hot chocolate. *Damn depression pills. No beer. Just as well, I suppose.*
She heard the knock on her door and wasn't surprised. Janet had warned her that Jack would come looking for her. She debated on whether to open the door, or pretend that she was sleeping. *That won't stop him from knocking until I let him in.* She got up, walked over to her door and opened it. Just as she suspected, there stood Jack.
Sam looked at him and turned back to the living room, leaving the door wide open. Jack walked in and shut the door, locking it. Sam didn't notice.
He followed her to the living room, where she sat back on the sofa. She was sitting there, holding a mug, and staring off into space. It broke Jack's heart to see the woman he loved in pain. *I didn't realize that this is what it would take for me to face up to these feelings* he thought. He walked closer to where Sam was. He took off his jacked and placed it on a chair. He stuck his hands in his jeans' pockets. *What to say, what to say?* He sighed. "Ohh. Sam..." He was stuck.
It was a full minute before Sam turned to Jack with tears in her eyes. "Oh Jack." She started crying.
He went to the sofa and sat next to her, pulling her tight to him. Holding onto her for dear life. He held Sam, not saying a word. He let her take all the time she needed.
When she was finished, she looked up at Jack. He gave her a small smile. He pulled her into another embrace. "Everything will be fine, Sam. Trust me." He whispered into her hair. "Everything will be fine." He paused for a moment before continuing. "I love you Sam."
Sam let out a shuddering sigh. Still in Jack's embrace, she said, "I love you too." For the first time since the attack, Sam relaxed. Right before she fell asleep in Jack's arms, she realized that she had a long way to go. Janet was a good friend, but Jack's expressed love for her made her feel safe, knowing that she wouldn't be alone, that they were in it together.
The End
Story Notes: Email: levi@uswest.net
Rating: PG-13
Classification: Angst. Drama (I think)
Spoilers: None
Archive: Samandjack, helipolois
Summary: Something bad has happened to Sam...
Disclaimer: Stargate SG1 and its characters are the property of Stargate Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. No infringement on copyright is intended.
Author's note: This is my second ever fanfic that I have written, and it's my first angst piece. I welcome any feedback, especially if it will help me write better later on. I know that this doesn't come even close to the stories of you writer's out there. I just hope that you all enjoy it.
Rating: PG-13
Classification: Angst. Drama (I think)
Spoilers: None
Archive: Samandjack, helipolois
Summary: Something bad has happened to Sam...
Disclaimer: Stargate SG1 and its characters are the property of Stargate Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. No infringement on copyright is intended.
Author's note: This is my second ever fanfic that I have written, and it's my first angst piece. I welcome any feedback, especially if it will help me write better later on. I know that this doesn't come even close to the stories of you writer's out there. I just hope that you all enjoy it.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]