xxxxx
Now that I have found you
In the coolth of your evening smile
The shade of your parasol
And your love flows through me
Though I drink at your pool
I burn for you, I burn for...
You and I are lovers
When night time folds around our bed
In peace we sleep entwined
And your love flows through me
Though an ocean soothes my head
I burn for you, I burn for...
Stars will fall from dark skies
As ancient rocks are turning
Quiet fills the room
And your love flows through me
Though I lie here so still
I burn for you, I burn for you...
I burn...
xxxxx
I think there comes a point in every man's life where he begins to feel his age. Luckily enough for me, I've avoided that for fifty-three years. When your body starts falling apart, you can't treat it like it's twenty anymore, at least not without some serious repercussions. My right knee blew out two years ago and I had to go in for complete reconstructive surgery. Now it's all medical grade plastic. Wonderful stuff. I'm not complaining, really I'm not. I can walk and occasionally skate; that's all I care about.
It forced me into early retirement. Sure, I could have been commissioned for some cushy desk job, but I couldn't honestly see myself doing that. A slow death isn't exactly high on my list of things to do. I have one or two little teaching assignments left until I'm fully free to buy into that shuffle board club. Can't wait. I'll be the youngest player. Look out ladies!
I haven't been exactly hard pressed to find things to do in all my spare time. Surprisingly enough, I find I have a talent for antiques. Refinishing is amazingly relaxing. That or it's just the fumes from the paint thinner making the air light. I've already sold the first piece I did, a small chest of drawers, and have contracts to do two more. Who said all retired guys find lives on the golf course? Everybody knows me by name at the hardware store now and they were shocked to find out that I used to be an USAF Colonel. It's strange to be a civilian again, for the second time no less.
God, I miss my job. Well, not so much the job, but the people who I worked with. Sam's still at SGC, fighting to keep the project in funding like she always has. The Goa'ulds aren't too much of a threat anymore; the Tok'ra pretty much solved that problem. Scientists have been sent out all over the worlds we've been to looking more in depth for things that we just scratched the surface of. Daniel returned to Abydos with Teal'c to uncover a few more coordinates and now there's twenty-five SG teams.
I'm a little worried about the kid. The prodigal son returned without good news and I knew he was afraid of what Kasuf would say when he found out his children had been casualties of war. We had managed to get the Goa'ulds out of both Sha're and Skaara, but who knew what would happen to the host when the damn things were removed. It didn't take much to wear their bodies down till both died of the equivalent to a common cold. Immuno-deficiency something-or-other. Daniel was devastated and rightfully so. The one thing that had kept him alive for eight years suddenly vanished before his eyes and I could only watch as it happened to him. All I can say is that I know what it feels like and that I wish I had half a friend at that time like Daniel has in Teal'c. He never leaves his side.
We lost Hammond too. A massive heart attack in his sleep. We were told that he didn't suffer at all, just kinda slipped away in his sleep. It was a nice service we had for him; Bra'tac in his hundred forty three years saying some extremely poignant words about a man he hardly knew. He didn't have to. Soldiers are universal no matter where they're from and we all felt the truth in that speech. Poor Janet balled her eyes out. Sam took it upon herself to pick up the slack after that, trying to keep the machine as well oiled as he had. She attempted to get a decent replacement for the man, with any luck one who would see things as the rest of SGC did. The JCS weren't too excited with the notion of promoting an in house candidate so they brought in one of their own. In a way, I'm glad I'm not there still. Would have been court martialed for sure.
She comes to visit me occasionally. I think its pangs of guilt that she took my job from me. I knew it was her before she even pulled into my driveway; the way she'd downshift from the hill to glide over the pavement before coasting to a stop in front of the house. The door alarm chimed softly when she opened it before she pulled the keys from the ignition.
Turning back to the telescope, I adjusted the eyepiece, bringing a cluster nebula into brilliant focus. She'll find me; she always does. After eight years of working together, you learn to read minds. And like clockwork I could hear her heels clicking on the sidewalk towards the door. Briefly she stopped before stepping out onto the damp grass to walk to the metal ladder.
I tried to remember what function she said she was attending. Seems a blur these days since I've been out of the loop; her life busier than it was when we were both in SG1 together. Fundraisers, pork barreling, groveling, trying to avoid the NIS; it's all the same. She pavement pounds with the best of them.
The hollow rungs of the ladder jingled under her footfalls and I reached between my legs to lift the lid on the cooler. I could hear her behind me, lifting her leg over the last rail so she could step out onto the roof with me. Raising my hand out, I offered her a beer, waiting for her to take it from me. Without a word, her fingers curled around the cold bottle and a simple twist removed the cap.
"Nice to see you're still dressing up for me." She was in her blues. Her garrison was still high on her head, set in a slight dip above her right eye and the effect had always been mesmerizing to me, making her even more intimidating. Her eyes gazed out over the rooftop into the fields as she lifted the bottle to her lips.
"Well, I have to get you excited over something these days, you know." Slowly a small smile traced over her lips before she turned to look at me, her blue eyes devious.
"What was it this time?" I slid over on the bench to make more room for her and she sat down next to me. Cradling the bottle in her hands as she leaned over to put her forearms on her thighs, sighing deeply.
"Mayborne's still at it. Even in retirement he's dangerous to us. Has the JCS working out of his back pocket again. What I wouldn't give to have the General back here fighting for us. Still don't know to this day how he did it, but Jack, I can't take much more of this." She turned to me again and it was painful to see her so worn down. She looked like hell. My battle angel appeared to have won her last.
Giving her a reassuring pat on the back, my hand moved to her shoulder, rubbing the tight bands of muscles. She slouched suddenly as if a great weight had been lifted from her with my touch. Finding no resistance, I began to give her a back rub, sliding closer as I straddled the bench. Her head tilted forward as my thumbs ran over her spine, my fingers splaying across her collarbones. Sighing deeply, her breath escaped in a pleased moan as I worked over her harder, trying to loosen up the muscles between her shoulders.
"Sam, you still want to be in the project, don't you?" Taking a deep pull of beer before sliding off her cap, she set it in her lap. My hands slipped from her shoulders, brushing a curl of her hair off of her collar. She was beginning to grow her hair out again and the thin wisps of blonde hair from beneath the pins flagging in the soft breeze.
"Well that's a dumb question." Her fingers twirled the gold oak leaf pinned to the garrison. "Of course I want to be in the project. It's been my life since I started in it. Can't think of anything I'd want to do more." She smoothed a slow hand over her face, trying to wash away the evening.
"What about Feretti?"
"The Colonel? Oh please, he couldn't politic his way out of a wet paper bag. He's a soldier, nothing else. Overgrown testicle, to quote Dr. Langford. Hammond was a soldier and a politician and that's why I miss him so. He knew how to work the angles. I can do a bit, but nothing to the degree he could. I miss the old man."
"Yeah, me too." Picking out a new beverage from the cooler, I popped the top and tipped it toward her.
"To General Hammond." We crossed bottlenecks and the glass chinked with a dull thud.
"To General Hammond." Taking a greedy sip, she belched as only she could and smiled.
"Excuse you." So much for feminine graces.
"Thanks. Oh, speaking of the General, guess who I ran into today?" Wiping her mouth with her palm, her hand eventually lowered to her collar, unsnapping the cross tie around her neck.
"You got me, who?"
"His daughter." Turning towards me, she smiled, her red lips curling at the corners. My attention has always been lost on that smile.
"Really? How is she doing?"
"Great. She's getting promoted. A little upset that her father isn't going to be there, but I know he'd be proud of her." Standing again, she unbuttoned her blazer, setting down her bottle on the bench next to me. The blue wool was slowly lowered from her shoulders and tossed across her seat.
"Stripping for me too?" I smiled at her, jerking my eyebrows around as if I could entice her to really do it for me. "I think I have some dollar bills in my wallet." Not amused, her hands rested at her hips and she shook her head at me, disgusted.
"Do the words 'not in a million years' come to mind?"
"Vaguely."
"Good, go with it." Carefully she leaned over the eyepiece on my telescope and looked into a magnified view of the heavens.
"Maybe a few more of these and I can get you to change your mind? Come on, Major, make an old man happy." Flipping open the lid to the cooler again, I exposed another six pack. She wasn't impressed. Her body twisted as she moved the eyepiece to focus in on the cluster and my eyes suddenly noticed the way the gaps between the buttons on her shirt moved, opening up small doorways to see her camisole below. Swallowing and vowing to remain a gentleman, my gaze fell back onto her face. Why did she have to be so damn beautiful?
"Keep dreaming flyboy." She chuckled, swinging the telescope to her right. Looking up again, she turned her face to me and smiled wide. "Oh, and it's not Major any more. After next week, you may call me Lieutenant Colonel."
"Sam!" Setting down my bottle, I got to my feet, instantly enveloping her in a hug. "A promotion! Congratulations! I'm proud of you, Sam." Holding her close, our natural momentum made us sway side to side. I could smell her perfume and took a deep breath, relishing the scent of her so close.
"Thanks Jack. Daniel's coming home with Teal'c for it too. Do you think I could convince you to do the same? I'd really like you to be there."
"Sam, I wouldn't miss it for the world." Her head tilted away from mine, lifting her soft face so she could look at me. Even in the dead of night her face still makes my heart beat just a bit more from seeing it. I don't know exactly what it is; maybe love and something approaching the familiarity of a best friend. There's a few more wrinkles all in the right places and a fading scar running across her chin, but she's still the same. Still the same Sam I've always known. Her hands slowly slid from my shoulders to encircle my upper arms and holding her still, my fingers interweaved on the small of her back. Yawning, she covered her mouth, her shoulders rolling back to straighten the vertebra between.
"I'm getting too old for this shit."
"You're telling me." Her head lowered to my chest and she started to laugh. "What?"
"I feel like I'm eighty."
"You look like it too." Smiling, I watched as her head snapped up so her eyes could shoot me her patented 'rot in hell' look. An eyebrow dipped to low levels and she blew out an exasperated breath.
"Thanks, I appreciate it." Stepping backwards, she released our embrace and I reluctantly let her out of my arms.
"No problem, that's what I'm here for."
"Colonel Jack O'Neill, retired, personal torturer. Sounds like a money making venture to me." Her fingers reached for the railing, circling around as they drew the rest of her body to it until her hips were brushing against the metal.
"Oh I'm not worried about money. I'm worried about going out of my flipping mind." Stuffing my hands into my pockets, I stood beside her as she leaned forward to rest her forearms against the rail. Burying her face in her hands, she sighed before yawning again. "Am I really that boring?" Slowly her head lifted and a smile spread across her face.
"Not quite as bad as those airbags I had to talk to today."
"Oh thanks."
"No problem. How many more classes do you have left?" Her left foot slipped out from her heels as she balanced on her right, rotating her ankle around as she stretched her toes. Sneaking a peak, I leaned back slightly to look at her legs and ended up smiling to myself like a dirty old man. Damn, those things were dangerous; about as dangerous as their owner.
"Five."
"Jack?"
"What?" Guiltily my eyes set on her face again. Her mouth opened to allow her tongue to trace over her lips as she thought of what she was going to say, a sly smile spreading over her face. Feeling my face start to burn, I looked down at my feet.
"You have nice legs." Mumbling, I shrugged.
"Come again?" Leaning in closer, she looked at me, wanting a repeat.
"You have nice legs, all right? Man, sue a guy for looking!" Standing up again, she turned around to face me, leaning back into the rail to prop herself against it.
"It took you eight years and how many beers to tell me that?" Teasing, she crossed her arms over her chest.
"Four. Four beers." Taking a step towards her, I felt braver all of the sudden. "Maybe a few more and I'll tell you what else I like about you."
"Really now?" Her blue eyes widened as she played along but her lips gave away her unease as they slightly twitched. "The Jack O'Neill I used to know could drink enough to slip into a coma before telling me anything."
"Blame it on a senior moment. I'm getting senile in my old age." And I think I am because I have no idea what possessed me to reach out to touch her face. I traced a finger over that scar on her chin, staring down into those blue eyes as I had so many times before. As if it had a mind of its own, my hand cupped her face.
"Jack." Lifting her hand in protest, she wrapped it around mine pressed against her cheek.
"Shut up for a minute. I'm enjoying the view." She frowned slightly as her eyes closed. I have always remained painfully chaste when it came to Samantha Carter. There were so many opportunities over the years to take advantage of the trust and friendship we had built; the potential to become so much more overwhelming.
Then she surprised me. Taking my hand, she turned her face into it and placed a kiss on my palm. Her eyes remained closed as she smoothed her cheek against my hand as if she was a cat scent marking her territory. Gradually her eyes opened to look at me.
"I've missed you not being there." Her voice was barely a whisper and I could feel her breath slip over my wrist. I swallowed and she moved, stepping into my arms to wrap hers around my shoulders. Pressing herself flat against me, she buried her head into my neck. "I miss you not being on the team."
"Hey, this knee blow out wasn't my idea either. I can't expect to be doing this stuff until I'm sixty, you know." I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight, savoring the feel of her so close. We had treaded on that thin line for so long now neither of us are sure who should make the first move. To deny the attraction would be stupidity, but we were still frightened of the potential. No longer having regulation to answer to we didn't have an excuse anymore. Wanting her wasn't the problem; it was the fear that it would destroy our friendship. That was the last thing I ever wanted to happen.
"Yeah, just my luck to get an old goat for a CO."
"Hey, I still out rank you even in retirement." My hands moved to her shoulders, pushing her away from me so I could look her in the face. A beautiful smile spread over her lips. Blackmail would be an art form between us if it ever came to that; we knew so much dirt on each other it was unbelievable.
"Oh yeah?" She tossed her head back defiantly, looking at me in disbelief.
"Yeah." What was I trying to start? My hands moved from her shoulders to her head this time, my fingers smoothing over her hair to find the pins that were keeping her hair up. Finding a barrette, I unclasped it and pulled it out. I found more tucked around back and pulled those out too until all of her hair fell down a little past her collar. Dragging my fingers through, I watched as she closed her eyes, enjoying my touch.
"Should we just flip a coin?" Her voice was barely audible and her hands at my shoulders clenched.
"Flip a coin for what?"
"To see who goes first." Sam smiled and I matched it, slipping a hand to the nape of her neck, my thumb curling behind her ear.
She was right; we could have stood there for eternity before anybody made a move towards quenching the tension between us. Something about stubborn pride. I knew I loved her; loved her more than I care to admit. I trusted her explicitly and it scared me to know she had that much power. Frankly, I'm just scared out of my wits about everything having to do with Sam Carter.
"You know what?"
"What?"
Her hands slipped from my shoulders to rest on my chest near the zipper of my coat. Looking down at my shirt, she nibbled on her lower lip as if suddenly becoming nervous over something. Finally the smile on her face grew to where she looked more like a Cheshire cat than my former 2IC.
"I came over here tonight with the pure intent of getting laid."
Between instantly being aroused and nearly fainting, my mouth gaped open in surprise, not quite sure what to say to her. I always knew she flirted with me when I did, but I never knew exactly how she felt about me. I thought for sure there was an unmentioned boyfriend or lover in the background and I never figured she harbored any feelings toward me other than those of friendship.
"I don't know what to say." Honestly, I didn't. It was like suddenly winning the lottery or being told a deadly disease had just been cured.
"Jack, I've waited eight years for one of us to be in the position where I could actually tell you how I felt about you. In three little short and sweet words, I love you. I always have. Now shut up and kiss me."
Stepping into my arms again, her hands slipped up around my neck to pull me down as she rose up on her toes. Our lips met in the middle and I figured I was dreaming. Finally faced with the situation I had always thought about, I was too flabbergasted to move, simply letting her have her sweet way with my mouth. Finding the courage when she shifted against me, pressing her gorgeous contours into my body, I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight.
"I'm glad I wasn't the only one having impure thoughts about a fellow officer." She broke away to breathe and I smoothed a kiss against her cheek before pulling her closer. "If I had known you were coming over, I would have at least made you dinner."
"Sure, I pour my heart out to you and you want to give me food poisoning. I see." Her arms lowered and slipped beneath mine so they could slide under my coat, against my shirt, and over my back. Laughing, I leaned against her arms.
"Why do I have a feeling one of us is going to end up in the emergency room?" Resisting no longer, I kissed her, pouring out eight years worth of passion and desire. Pushing away from me, she held my face in her hands, and tears began to well in her eyes.
"For once, I just want to be... me. None of this USAF shit. Do you know how difficult it was for me to see you every day and not have a damn thing I could do about it? And when you left, it got to the point where I was hoping my own shadow was you. I've been so afraid to come over because I knew what would happen, what I'd do. I knew one of these nights I would stand with you like this and tell you I love you and that I always have. That scares the hell out of me Jack because I can't live without you." My heart was ripping out of my chest as I watched her cry, her voice cracking and straining over the emotion. "I don't know how you feel about me, Jack." Swallowing hard, she sniffed and wiped her face off with the back of her hand. God, she was beautiful.
"And if I told you I felt the same, would you believe me? If I told you I love you?" Smoothing my thumbs beneath her eyes, I wiped away her tears and tried to choke down the ones that were forming in my eyes. "I hate not seeing you everyday, Sam."
Making good on my words, I kissed her and she fell apart in my arms. Sagging in front of me, she had to grab onto my coat for support as my lips mashed against hers. I was waiting for the alarm clock to go off and drag her away from me. If this was a dream, the clock had no prayer for survival.
"Jack." Leaning my forehead into hers, I closed my eyes. Pressing my lips to her nose briefly, my arms wrapped around her waist, holding her to me.
"I was never lonely with you around. Stay with me tonight. Make an old man happy." Her face lifted and she looked at me, the watery rims of her eyes making the blue almost iridescent. My thumb traced over her parted lips and her eyes closed briefly, enjoying the sensation. "Follow me, I gotta show you something. Let me give you this and then you can make up your mind." Releasing her, I reached around her to the bench to pick up her cap and blazer, spinning her gently to face the ladder. She put her leg over and slowly climbed down, waiting on the grass for me below. Stepping beside her, I wrapped my arm around her waist and guided her back to the front door.
Standing in my living room with her, my heart was beginning to try its escape from my chest. She had been in this room with me so many times before, why was it any different this time? Her hand squeezed mine as I lead her back into my bedroom, pausing briefly to turn on the lights.
"How long have I been retired, Sam?" I held onto her arms, looking down into her face as she stood in the doorway. I choked on the words until they came out as a whisper.
"Two."
"For two years, without fail, I have bought one of those on my way back from getting the evening paper in the hopes that you would come. That you would say the words you just did. I was starting to wonder if you ever would." I pointed towards the bed, turning her to face it. She gasped slightly when her eyes fell on the object I was referring to; a fat-blossomed pink rose lying across the bedspread between the pillows.
"So yes, I'd say the feeling was mutual." Smiling, I watched as her hand raised to her lips before she turned to me in wide-eyed wonder, a sigh of relief sweeping over her. In a shot, her arms were around me and her lips locked on mine, kissing me as if the world was going to end in thirty seconds.
"Jack, I love you." She said hoarsely as she cried, her lips pressing to mine between sobs. I held her close, not quite sure if she was going to vanish into thin air before I had the chance to tell her.
"I love you, Sam."
The End.
Story Notes: EMAIL: ksiegfri@greece.k12.ny.us or sg1flygirl@yahoo.com
CATEGORY: Drama, Angst, S&J Romance. 1999 Retirement Challenge.
SPOILERS: None
RATING: PG-13 for minor swearing and sexual innuendo.
CONTENT WARNINGS: Sexually suggestive innuendo.
SUMMARY: Set eight years into the future from Children of The Gods, Jack is retired and has a visitor with a welcomed topic of conversation.
STATUS: Complete
DISCLAIMER: STARGATE SG-1 and its characters are property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the concent of the author. Exception: K. Siegfried's SG-1 Archives, Heliopolis, S&J RA.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Lyrics for I Burn For You (The Police) used without permission. Some of the happenings in the future I made up. None of it is cannon nor should it be taken that way.
CATEGORY: Drama, Angst, S&J Romance. 1999 Retirement Challenge.
SPOILERS: None
RATING: PG-13 for minor swearing and sexual innuendo.
CONTENT WARNINGS: Sexually suggestive innuendo.
SUMMARY: Set eight years into the future from Children of The Gods, Jack is retired and has a visitor with a welcomed topic of conversation.
STATUS: Complete
DISCLAIMER: STARGATE SG-1 and its characters are property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the concent of the author. Exception: K. Siegfried's SG-1 Archives, Heliopolis, S&J RA.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Lyrics for I Burn For You (The Police) used without permission. Some of the happenings in the future I made up. None of it is cannon nor should it be taken that way.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]