Colonel Jack O'Neill grimaced and tugged at the gloves. He hated these damn things, they itched like mad. And of course there was the reason for them. Life rarely made sense. But this was particularly unjust. A young soldier, barely out of boot camp, lost not to the fight. Not to the war. But to an illness she'd fought before and defeated. Just for it to come back and take her.
He looked up as Sam crossed the room. "How you holding up?"
"OK, sir," she replied softly. He knew it was harder for her. Military women tended to bond together. Mostly in defense against male domination. "You?"
"OK," he nodded.
They stood in the room surrounded by people come to pay their respects. Military uniforms mixed with black in the somber atmosphere. Small groups had formed already. SG team members, bonded beyond family, lent support for each other. Daniel and Teal'c made their way through to them. Jack nodded his acknowledgement. Daniel went immediately to Sam and began to rub her back. She gave him a half smile but moved away. Daniel's face twisted in confusion, but Jack understood. Even now she couldn't appear weak. Couldn't cry. She was in uniform and had to maintain the tough soldier image.
"People are starting to go," Jack said softly. "Let's go back to my place. Get some food."
Daniel and Teal'c nodded. Jack took Sam's silence for agreement and they began to follow the quiet drifters out into the harshly bright sunlight. Jack turned back to see the girl's mother give Sam a hug. Sam nodded to the woman and stepped away. Jack caught the gleam of the tear in her eyes as she bit her lip.
He put her hand into the crook of his elbow to lead her to his truck. He patted it softly, "Just a little longer."
*****
Jack had ordered them all to change into casual clothes. The funeral tomorrow would put them all back into the dress gear soon enough. He was in the kitchen digging into the bucket of chicken they'd stopped for when Sam emerged, clad in denim shorts and shirt. He'd never seen her in shorts before he thought, then cursed himself for it. "Feel better?"
"My feet do," she replied. "Those heels are killers."
They both looked away after her choice of words.
Sam turned and grabbed plates from the cabinet. "She was so young."
Jack suddenly slapped the counter, "Everyone keeps saying that. Like it'd be OK if she'd been forty."
Sam hunched her shoulders inward. Jack cursed and reached for her. "Sorry Sam. I know what you meant."
Sam laid her head down onto his shoulder as he enveloped her. She shuddered once then stiffened.
"Sam. I can't cry. Got that trained out of me long ago. I wish I could. Especially now." The first few tears began to roll down her cheeks and she fell apart. "Let it out, Sam. I'm here."
Sobbing for the inadequacy of so called "modern medicine". For the injustice of a life cut so short. For all the things the young woman would never be able to do. She clung to him and he rocked her slowly. Daniel and Teal'c wandered in and stood, shoulder to shoulder behind her. Daniel reached up to where her hand rested on Jack's shoulder and she gripped it.
The storm passed and Sam began to calm. Jack continued to rub her back in small circles. She finally lifted up her head and wiped her cheeks. "Sorry," she whispered.
"Don't be," he replied and cupped her face. "It helps us to comfort you."
She nodded into his hands. "Go wash up. Danny and I'll set the table."
*****
They ate quietly, cleaned up, and moved as a group into the living room. Jack clicked on the evening news and sat on the sofa. Sam dropped next to him and Danny on her other side. Teal'c took his usual spot in the chair where he could see the television, watch them, and guard the doorway all at once. He still wasn't used to being in a relatively safe environment and tended to be on watch 24-7.
Sam pulled an old magazine across the table and propped her feet up with a sigh.
"Dress shoes," Danny observed.
"Obviously originally invented as a form of torture," she remarked.
"That's why we men make you women wear them. Keeps you in line, or at least slower in the chase," added Jack with his ever-present sarcasm.
Daniel smiled and he leaned over. He took her feet by the ankles and pulled them to his lap, causing her to twist in her seat.
"Hey!" she cried.
Jack shifted her so that she sat sideways across the sofa. Daniel began to rub her feet, eliciting a low moan.
They had all begun to relax. Even Teal'c. And it seemed inevitable where the conversation would track.
"She was so determined," Daniel said. "Took her two months to convince the general to let her go through the gate."
"Said she wanted to from the minute she transferred in," Sam replied. Her feet still lay in Daniel's lap where he rubbed occasionally. She rested under Jack's arm, against his shoulder.
"Hammond just kept blustering, 'You are a computer technician!'" Jack snickered.
"But she kept on. And he let her, the big softie." Daniel smiled in memory. "Course it was only a follow-up, and it was only for a few hours, but she got to go."
"She often told me that there were many wonderful things in this world to see and that I should strive to see them all," Teal'c observed.
"Maybe she knew. Somehow knew her time was limited," Daniel observed. "That's why she was always in such a hurry to do and see everything."
Sam turned her head to Teal'c, "Are there things that you want to see?"
Teal'c cocked his head, "Yes. Many."
Silence fell.
Jack began to laugh, "Teal'c that was more than a yes or no question. Like what?"
"An ocean. Your society flocks to the beaches of your planet. And a ballet."
"You want to go to the ballet?" Jack snorted. Sam elbowed his ribs. "Hey, Major!"
"Sorry sir, just shifting," she lied.
"I'll shift you!"
"What else, Teal'c?" Daniel interrupted.
"A museum. I only saw the part of one in your memory Daniel Jackson. And it was not a pleasant memory."
Daniel stood up and lay Sam's feet onto a pillow.
"I am sorry, Daniel Jackson, I did not mean to bring back..."
"No, Teal'c I just want to get some paper. I think we should make a list of everything we all want to do, then try to do them when we can." He sat cross-legged on the floor. "OK we got, beach, museum, ballet, what else?"
"I have a friend," Sam began.
"Congratulations," Jack quipped.
"Can I finish? She has a place on the beach. Ocean City in Maryland. Ocean front condo. She's always saying I can borrow it for a week. We could spend a few days in New York. See the Met. I've always wanted to go to Central Park and Ellis Island. Maybe get tickets to something. Then spend some time on the beach. It's like an hour flight from New York to Salisbury, Maryland, then a drive out to the coast."
"I'll get us cleared for a week or more," Jack said. "I think we're all due for a little down time that doesn't involve one of us at Janet's mercy. Put down a side trip to F.A.O. Schwartz. I've always wanted to go into that store."
"What is an F.A.O. Schwartz?"
"Big toy store, for the big kid," Daniel replied jotting the note. "What else?"
*****
They talked long into the night planning the trip they would take. Sam was the first to fall asleep. She had rolled over to face Daniel and eventually came to rest on her side with her head on Jack's thigh. Jack added his 'I wanna sees' with his hand caressing Sam's hair before he drifted into slumber, his chin tucked to his chest. Daniel lasted long enough to finish the list before he and Teal'c retired to the spare rooms.
*****
Jack awoke midway through the night to find a blanket tucked around he and Sam, probably courtesy of Teal'c. He shifted his numb leg and she stirred. She lifted her head and blinked at him.
"Sorry." She sat up.
He stood and shook his leg out for a minute. "Let's go to bed." He reached out a hand for her.
She hesitated, "I think I should go."
"Sam, I need to hold you. It's the only comfort I can give or take tonight." He was grateful for the darkness to hide the blush he could feel. "Remember what I said? It helps a man to hold and console a woman in times like these. It makes up for not being able to cry himself."
She nodded and took his hand. He led her down the hall.
"Did we get all you want to do?" He asked. She was silent then nodded. "Now I know enough to know when you're lying."
"I want a baby." She seemed as startled by her words as he was, but continued. "I never realized how much until Cassandra came along. And now that Regina is going to have a baby. I mean they just got married, and she's my age, and she's managing to balance pregnancy and the military." Sam lowered her head.
"Well let's see how the trip to the beach goes, then we'll work on you." That got a laugh, the first one he'd heard in what had been a very long day. It made him smile. "Samantha, there is one more thing I really want to do."
"What is it Colonel?"
"Well, two actually. When we're off duty, I want you to call me Jack. Sir sounds... I don't know... and colonel is such a mouthful."
"OK Jack. What's the other thing?"
"Just this."
He cupped her face in his hands and descended slowly. Their lips met softly, ever so gently. The barest pressure invoking the deepest feelings. They pulled apart staring deep into each other's eyes. Jack took her hand again and led her into the bedroom.
"Maybe we can name our first daughter Megan?" Sam said.
"Sure. It's Irish. Means the strong one," Jack replied.
"She was that."
"She sure was. Hey, since we're naming our kids..."
"Don't start."
"I'm just saying..."
The door closed gently.
*****
The End.
This one was for Megan Looney. Taken much too soon from this life September 4, 1999. 21 years was not long enough. But you touched more lives then you could ever know. Our tears will dry. And we will go on. But we will always remember you.
Small piece of advice. Make a list of everything you really want to do in life. Cross off what is absolutely impossible, like going to the moon unless you studied Astrophysics in school. Find a way to do the rest. Life is too short for dreams to be left unattempted.
Thanks for reading.
Jen S.
Story Notes: Email: LtSChase@aol.com
Rating: PG13
Spoilers: a line here or there, nothing major
Archive: not really worth it
Summary: A hard day to get through is easier with friends' support.
Disclaimer: Stargate SG1 and its characters are the property of Stargate Productions, ShowTime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. No infringement on copyright intended. I promise to put them back where I found them. No money will be accepted for this work.
Author's notes: First off this is just something I needed to get out. Hard to write, probably hard to read. But writing has always been my catharsis so... Second, I don't know how it works within the military but for our police department a funeral is marked by two things, the class A dress uniform, with gloves, and black bands across the badges. Third, this is entirely the work of fiction. No resemblance to anyone (beyond the SG characters) is intended or should be inferred.
Rating: PG13
Spoilers: a line here or there, nothing major
Archive: not really worth it
Summary: A hard day to get through is easier with friends' support.
Disclaimer: Stargate SG1 and its characters are the property of Stargate Productions, ShowTime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. No infringement on copyright intended. I promise to put them back where I found them. No money will be accepted for this work.
Author's notes: First off this is just something I needed to get out. Hard to write, probably hard to read. But writing has always been my catharsis so... Second, I don't know how it works within the military but for our police department a funeral is marked by two things, the class A dress uniform, with gloves, and black bands across the badges. Third, this is entirely the work of fiction. No resemblance to anyone (beyond the SG characters) is intended or should be inferred.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]