By the time Captain Samantha Carter had reached her hurriedly borrowed mode of transport, she was fuming, muttering obscenities to herself like one of those mad old ladies who push rusty supermarket trolleys around downtown.
It was raining again, grey, cold and miserable, to match her mood. She slammed the landrover's door hard enough for the peeling paint to flake off and jammed the keys into the ignition, racing the throaty engine before spinning the wheels on the wet tarmac to leave tyre marks in her wake.
Sam sped off towards the base exit, braking hard when she reached the gate and glaring at the shocked face of the soldier on duty who had gone slightly pale from his position at the barrier, two inches in front of her bumper. Recognising the young officer as one of the regulars, he realised the car didn't quite fit the face, but one look at her angry expression stopped him from questioning it. Instead, he simply nodded, stepped aside onto the kerb and lifted the metal rail to let her drive through.
Still he wouldn't feel right if he didn't at least warn her, especially if she was driving an unfamiliar vehicle. "Captain?" He knocked on her windscreen before she could completely pass under the barrier, waiting patiently until the window was rolled down. Putting on his friendliest smile, he bent down to face her wrath, "The roads are really treacherous, ma'am, you need to be careful going down the mountain."
The blonde woman's glare softened slightly, then she nodded, turning overly bright blue eyes back to the road in front and drove through. Accelerating quickly, but not as erratically as before, much to the guard's relief.
Carter had hoped her anger would recede as she headed away from the base, leaving the source of her pain behind. Instead it continued to build, her furiously berating words stoking a psychological firestorm until she desperately reached for the buttons on the car radio. But high in the mountains all she got was static, one channel after another, fuzzy, indistinct and crackling, gradually fading to nothing before blaring loud noise in the next instant.
Sam gave up and switched to the CD player, thankful that this was one expense Daniel had not spared when he purchased his battered old vehicle. She only hoped that her friend had been listening to something more interesting than foreign language discs for a change. Ejecting the CD, she gave a quick glance at its lime green colour before returning her eyes to the twists and turns of the mountain road. How bad could it be? She thought to herself, pushing the disc back into the player and accidentally hitting the shuffle button as she increased the volume to drown out the sound of her own half shouted fiery tirade. A soft male voice surrounded her from all four speakers...
~~is there anybody out there?
anyone that's loved in vain
anyone that feels the same~~
"God, yes!" Sam shouted angrily to herself.
~~is there anybody waiting?
waiting for a chance to win
to give it up and start again~~
"That's it! I should just give it up. Why not?" She yelled infuriatedly, "Come on, 'CAPTAIN'," she almost spat the word and inside her head she could still hear the way Colonel O'Neill had spoken it a few days before, cold and indifferent, as though nothing had happened between them. "Yeah 'CAPTAIN'! You're a strong, independent woman, you don't need him. You got along fine without him for years, nothing's changed, nothing at all!"
~~ tell me - how do ya feel tonight?~~
"Nothing's changed huh? Who am I trying to kid? God! How could I have been so stupid?" Sam brushed away an escaping tear and gripped the steering wheel tighter, her knuckles white against the cold, smooth metal. Staring rigidly at the road ahead, her mind drifted back to recent events.
~~~~~~~~~~
As most weekends go, that rain filled Saturday morning had started out well, with a promise of two full days of rest until she was due back on base early Monday. Samantha Carter had treated herself to three extra hours lying in bed, catching up on some reading. A work of fiction for a change, a bestselling spy novel with strong romantic undertones that left her feeling warm and cosy, tucked up beneath the covers, whilst the rain tapped against her window.
It was no surprise when the telephone on her nightstand rang and Sam rested back against the pillows luxuriously, waiting for the answering machine down the hall to pick up and reveal the caller's identity. But she was surprised to hear the voice, "Hi Sam, it's Jack. Er... I guess you're out, so never mind, you probably won't get this in time, I guess I should have asked you yesterday before we left the SGC..." The Colonel sounded uncharacteristically uncertain of himself and Sam paused, her hand hovering over the receiver, deciding to listen to what he had to say before revealing her presence.
"Well, anyway, if you do happen to get back in time, I was wondering if you could help me out later? You see I have to get this gift, it's for a really special occasion and I could do with a female point of view," he paused uncomfortably. "Well, anyway, if you're not around, have a good weekend, I guess I'll see you on Monday..."
Unable to restrain herself any longer, Sam reached for the phone, feigning ignorance, "Hang on, whoever you are... Oh, Colonel! Sorry, I was just in the shower... Noon? Yeah, I can manage that. I'll see you then." Carter replaced the handset with a smug look on her face. A lunchtime appointment with Jack O'Neill? That held all sorts of interesting prospects. She leapt out of bed and headed for the shower.
~~~~~~~~~~
The CD player in Daniel's dented old landrover switched tracks, shuffling randomly to select a thumping guitar riff that startled Sam from her reverie and caused her foot to press down harder on the accelerator, her fingers loosening their tight grip on the steering wheel until they were tapping the rhythm.
~~all i want is a real fast car
wanna go too fast - i wanna go too far
i wanna take a bite of this sweet sweet life
while the gettin's good and the time is right
i wanna fill my cup - i wanna drink it up~~
~~~~~~~~~~
It really had felt like the time was right. They had met downtown in a cosy little Italian restaurant off the beaten track. Being between rainstorms, Sam had decided to leave her jacket in the car, arriving in front of the Colonel an apparition in her favourite pair of hip hugging jeans and a sky blue silk blouse, which clung in all the right places to highlight curves rarely revealed by any military uniform.
On the outside, Sam was the epitome of ladylike behaviour, but inwardly she revelled in Jack's appreciative gaze as he pulled out a chair for her and watched her sit down. She hoped he didn't notice her doing the same to him, struggling to hide her stare as she admired the sight standing before her. Denim jeans concealing endless legs which stretched up to meet a thin navy blue sweater, tucked in at the waist, the long sleeves casually pushed up to his elbows. His black leather jacket hung on the back of the chair.
They ate a delicious lunch and drank some very pleasant wine amidst friendly conversation that gradually grew more intimate as the afternoon and alcohol consumption progressed. Before either of them knew it, they had forgotten the original point of their rendezvous and decided to head over to the park for a walk around the lake, welcoming the fresh air now the rain had finally cleared.
~~~~~~~~~~
The shower became a torrential downpour. Squinting past the windscreen wipers, Carter switched on the car headlights as it got darker, watching their reflection shine on the slick black road ahead and glance off the crash barriers as she negotiated the mountain bends, more carefully now as her mind drifted gently.
~~free is all you gotta be
dream dreams no one else can see
sometimes ya wanna run away
but ya never know what might be comin' round your way
ya ya ya
on a day like today
the whole world could change
the sun's gonna shine
shine thru the rain
on a day like today
ya never wanna see the sun go down~~
~~~~~~~~~~
She had often hoped for a day like that, and for a short time it was hers. They must have wandered through the park for hours, talking easily, their hands making occasional contact, as casually as lovers. Then the dark clouds returned, unnoticed by either of them before a torrential downpour soaked Sam's blouse to a translucent sheen, clinging to her body like a second skin, before Jack even had a chance to wrap her in the leather jacket he had slung over his shoulder.
From the very centre of the park, they ran, finding themselves standing at the roadside, desperately trying to hail a taxi, but laughing and giggling too hard to encourage any sane cab driver to actually stop for the unruly pair. Drenched to the skin, they clambered onto a nearby bus, heading for the back seat without a second thought.
Sam remembered removing the damp jacket and attempting to cover them both, shivering without its close protection until Jack had enveloped her in his arms and held her close, rubbing her shoulders to warm her as she buried her head in his chest. The movement of his hands slowly becoming more sensual as they began to explore her back, sending thrilling shudders through her body, until she threw caution to the wind, and set her fingers free to dance across the damp sweater clinging to the muscles of his chest and abdomen.
Eventually, Sam lifted her chin to gaze up at him, drowning in his soft brown eyes, before pressing her lips against his for a fleeting second, testing the water. Her expectations fully met, when Jack's surprised smile became a long anticipated kiss, gentle at first, the power growing with a passion well matched.
They reached the end of the line at the bus station and were ejected from the vehicle like a couple of necking teenagers, struggling to suppress fits of laughter under the disapproving glare of the driver.
A taxi ride back to Sam's home was met with similar hostility, especially when Jack asked the female cabbie to wait whilst he ran round to the other side and escorted Sam out of the car and up the driveway, holding his coat over her head until she had opened the front door to stand inside. He wrapped the leather jacket around her shoulders, their eyes locked.
"You are coming in." It was more a statement than a question.
Jack nodded innocently and dashed back to the waiting cab, receiving an even more indignant glare when he told the driver her services were no longer required. Her mood changed with his generous tip and he tried to ignore the way she leered at him as he stood in the pouring rain, his clothes clinging to every inch of his body. Then he turned and ran back up the drive, blushing furiously when Samantha Carter greeted him on the doorstep with a similar look of unbridled passion.
Closing the door behind him, she wrapped her arms around his neck and continued where they left off, running her hands through his dripping hair and down his spine, feeling him shiver against her.
"Hot shower," she ordered, reluctantly extricating herself from his hold and pointing the way. "Go! I'll bring you towels."
Sam made coffee and found a bottle of single malt whiskey, purely for medicinal purposes of course, before heading into the bedroom and kicking off her shoes. She could hear the water running in the adjoining room, steam beginning to drift through the open door as she moved to the closet, pulling her blouse over her head and placing the dripping clothing on a hanger on the door. Undoing her wet jeans, she sat down on the bed to peel them off. The feel of the soft duvet against her damp bare skin made her pause at the sober realisation of what she was about to do and she began to consider the consequences.
For a start, Jack and the others all thought she was practically engaged to some flyboy at the Pentagon. It had simply been a ruse to get Graham Simmons off her back, but Daniel had overhead her breaking the news to the Lieutenant and he had told Teal'c, of all people. So in the end everyone knew, including the Colonel, who was the last person Sam wanted to believe she was unavailable.
Then there was Sarah. Carter knew that Jack was in love with his wife and for all she knew they were still married. The subject had never come up. Even as they talked this afternoon, conversations more intimate than she had ever expected from this extremely private man, he had avoided any mention of that life and Sam's instincts told her it must be because Sarah meant so much to him.
"If you had any sense, you wouldn't even go in there, Samantha Carter," she told herself, inadvertently letting her eyes wander through the open door, catching sight of an indistinct shape through the steam and frosted glass of the shower cubicle. But her body was sending messages her willpower could not deny and Sam made a snap decision to ensure things were understood before they began. Standing up from the bed, she grabbed some towels from the top shelf of the closet and stepped through the doorway in her underwear.
~~~~~~~~~~
A horn sounded loudly, startling Sam from her thoughts as she faced the bright headlights of an oncoming vehicle, realising with horror that she had veered too far across the road on that last bend, swerving back onto her own side to narrowly avoid a collision with a supply truck heading slowly up the mountain. Carter eased her foot up off the accelerator, feeling the landrover slow to a more controlled pace on the rainswept roads as she peered into the growing darkness.
~~hey baby - i got someone n' you got someone too
hey baby - i don't know what we're gonna do
how can something wrong feel so right
c'mon baby - hold on tight
before the night is over
we gonna get what we desire
remember what i told ya
this could set our hearts on fire~~
~~~~~~~~~~
"Jack, I've brought towels and hot coffee," Sam announced her presence, trying to keep her voice light as she continued quickly before he could do anything to ruin her resolve. "Listen, I've been thinking. We should really set some ground rules here, don't you think?"
"What did you have in mind?" Jack's laugh was muffled amidst the pounding water.
"Well... I mean... you know I'm already attached," through the misted glass she saw his body stiffen and he paused to listen. "And you're still in love with Sarah."
"Sam, I..."
"No, Jack, don't. Let me finish, okay?" Sam interrupted him quickly, knowing she couldn't hear him try to explain his feelings for his wife right now or that would be the end of it. "As far as I'm concerned we're just two adults enjoying each other's company for the night, okay?"
It was a long time before Jack answered and when he did, there was an odd tone to his voice, one that she couldn't identify by sound alone. She slid the shower cubicle door open as he turned away to shut off the water flow. Sam placed her hand on his to stop him, the contact of her touch so electrifying, she could swear she saw sparks. She ran her fingers up his long muscular arm towards his shoulder, gently increasing pressure until he was forced to turn and face her.
"Sam..."
She met his gaze, saw the pain of his unspoken words, his explanations about his wife. Sam pressed a finger against his lips, "Don't Jack. Say nothing." She languorously trailed her hand down his neck and over his chest, feeling him yield to her increasing advances.
~~hey baby - we're old enough to know that it's a sin
hey baby - the door is open slide on in
this feels too good to be true
i'll tell ya what i want to do
before the night is over
we gonna get what we desire
remember what i told ya
this could set our hearts on fire
i don't wanna tell a lie
this is something we can't hide~~
~~~~~~~~~~
Sam sighed with relief when she finally reached the valley road which would lead her right up to the interstate in a long flat stretch. Now all she had to do was avoid the flood waters.
~~it's 3am - and i'm lying here next to you
what cha gonna do?
will you tell a story - when he asks you where the hell you've been
or will you tell the truth?
i ain't holdin' back - i know where i stand
i just want to be with you
ya gotta face the fact - baby i'm your man
i've gotta get it through to you
i'm fearless~~
~~~~~~~~~~
Sam awoke slowly, aware of someone lying next to her. Blinking rapidly to adjust to the darkness, she remembered the evening before, recalling every explicit second in her mind as she gazed at the sleeping figure of her Colonel, his arm resting across the silky skin of her abdomen. For some reason she began to wonder what he would tell his wife, feeling a pang of jealousy towards a woman she had barely even met, fighting to suppress the malignant emotion before it overtook her actions.
He's still here with me right now and that's what counts, Sam told herself. Letting her fingers trace patterns on his chest and down his side passing the indent of his waist to rest on his hip as she gazed at him thoughtfully.
Jack slept peacefully for a change, a sight she had rarely experienced when they were out in the field. Sam often wondered what was hidden behind those dark brown eyes that resurfaced to trouble his dreams so frequently. But now he was lying naked beside her, quiet and undisturbed, it was almost a shame to wake him. She grinned wickedly, sliding her hand down his muscular stomach as she watched him begin to stir.
~~~~~~~~~~
Reality began to surface sometime the next morning. At breakfast, Jack suddenly remembered the chore he had planned the previous day.
"Are you up for a quick shopping trip? We could retrieve our cars whilst we're at it."
Sam shrugged, vaguely resenting the threatened intrusion of real life, but Jack smiled that disarming smile that made her go weak at the knees and she let her wish fulfilment continue obliviously.
It wasn't until the taxi cab dropped them off at the shopping mall entrance that Sam finally thought to enquire where they were heading.
"The jewellers. I have to buy something for Sarah," Jack explained, not noticing Sam drop several steps behind, her pace faltering at his words. "It's this way," he reached for her hand, turning around when he got no response.
Before he could see her look of dismay, Carter fixed a grin on her face and pushed her hands deep into her pockets, forcing a nonchalant shrug and following obediently, wondering why on earth he needed to drag her along on such a task. Was he just trying to rub her nose in it?
Staring through the shop window, Jack continued to babble, sounding remarkably nervous, for reasons Samantha could not begin to comprehend. "I promised something blue, you see. That's why I thought you might help." He turned to smile at her, "It hadn't occurred to me before, then I realised you had the same hair and skin colouring as Sarah, you even have similar tastes, so I knew if it looked good on you, it would look good on her. And it has to look amazing, for such an occasion..." his words drifted away as he searched further along. "There! How about something like that," he glanced at her excitedly.
Sam was feigning interest in a watch at the other end of the window. She swallowed hard, her stomach lurching as she berated herself. Oh this is just great, Sam. How did you ever get yourself into this mess. He obviously only sees you as some kind of perverted substitute for his wife, what kind of a man is he anyway, who would cheat on her one night, then buy her gifts the next morning? Despite her growing anger, Carter almost smirked to herself at the irony of that thought, realising that the Colonel was turning out to be just like all those deceitful men she had sworn she would never get involved with again.
"Sam, what do you think?" Jack repeated, innocently unaware as she struggled with her emotions.
Carter forced her lips into a broad smile and headed towards him. Her jaw almost dropped to the floor when she saw the exquisite piece of jewellery he was pointing to. A beautifully crafted fine gold chain embracing six bright blue sapphires, interspersed between five sparkling diamonds.
"Do you think Sarah will like it?" he asked hopefully.
"God yes!" Sam was unable to hide her envy at the extraordinary gift, all too willing to model the gem studded necklace along with a matching pair of sapphire earrings, despite her growing feelings of resentment towards her CO and the recipient of the jewellery.
Highly satisfied with his purchase, Jack suggested lunch and Sam followed in a daze, knocking back a couple of vodka tonics before they had even ordered from the menu, remembering belatedly that she was supposed to be retrieving her car before returning home.
"That's okay, I can drive you back," Jack assured her. "I have to run an errand later, but if you're not planning on going out again, I'll come round to your place when I've finished and if you're up to it, we can go and collect your car then."
Sam vaguely recalled trying to object, troubled by the unspoken assumption that as he might be spending the night they could always retrieve it in the morning, before heading into work. But the drink had gone straight to her head and she decided it best to keep her mouth shut before she said what she was really thinking.
~~~~~~~~~~
~~if i was blind - you could make me see
if i was down - you could comfort me
well i ain't got a lot - but what i got is true
there's nothing that i can't do - if i had you
i could walk on water - i could dance on air
go any place - go anywhere
could climb the empire state - and the rockies too
there's nothing that i can't do - if i had you
if i had you - for what else could i pray?
if i had you - i could make my way
the sun is up - the sky is blue
there's nothing that i can't do - if i had you
if i had you- for what else could i plead?
if i had you - i'd have all i need~~
Sam startled herself with a shriek that reverberated loudly within the confines of Daniel's two door vehicle, "Oh god! What was I thinking? Why couldn't I just leave it alone?"
Pent-up tears began to fall. The light of passing vehicles reflecting on her glistening cheeks, as Sam recalled the painful memory of that rainy Sunday afternoon wandering around her house, staring at the stormy skies and trying to fight the bitter recriminations she was feeling towards Jack and herself for having let him get under her skin, and into her bed.
~~~~~~~~~~
~~i've been wandering around the house all night
wondering what the hell to do
i'm trying to concentrate but all i can think of is you
well the phone don't ring cuz my friends ain't home
i'm tired of being all alone
got the tv on cuz the radio's playing songs that remind me of you
baby when you're gone - i realise i'm in love
the days go on and on - and the nights just seem so long
even food don't taste that good - drink ain't doing what it should
things just feel so wrong - baby when you're gone
i've been driving up and down these streets
trying to find somewhere to go
ya i'm lookin' for a familiar face but there's no one i know
this is torture - this is pain - it feels like i'm gonna go insane
i hope you're coming back real soon - cuz i don't know what to do~~
When the doorbell finally rang late that Sunday evening, Sam was ready to throw something. Her emotions uncharacteristically out of control, having spent seven hours stewing over her actions. She had heard Jack's Cherokee pull up outside as she stood behind the closed blinds toying with the idea of ordering a cab and escaping before he could return. But retreat was against her nature, even under these circumstances and so Sam had remained, her frustration building with each passing moment, mixing with her fear of what might happen when he got back.
She knew where he had been, or at least she thought she did. "Give him the benefit of the doubt, Sam." But that thought had been instantly replaced by another, "Oh, come off it! You know he's been with her all afternoon. He had to give his wife the necklace. You saw him, he was so excited over it, you know he went to see her!"
"Then why is he coming back here? What did he tell her?"
"What is he going to tell me...?"
~~~~~~~~~~
The worn brakes on Daniel's battered jalopy squealed as Sam twisted the wheel, barely controlling the vehicle from skidding on the rain drenched surface as she pulled onto the hard shoulder and came to a sudden halt, jolting hard against the seatbelt. She placed her head in her hands, recalling the rest vividly, unable to stop tears of pain and anger flooding down her face and blurring her vision.
~~i walked in - you walked out
i knew right then - something was up
ya said 'don't ask me no questions - won't tell ya no lies'
it comes as such a surprise
think i'll close my eyes - to the pain
cuz tonight i don't wanna know where you've bin
so won't you lie to me
then i can't be mistaken
swear that you will lie to me
i don't wanna hear my heart breakin'
tell me the things that i wanna hear
i don't give a damn if you ain't sincere
baby just swear
swear that you'll lie to me
you walked in - i walked out
baby this ain't what - we've bin about
if i touched your hand - would ya pull it away
was it something i didn't say
i forgive ya all - the same
but tonight i don't wanna know where you've bin~~
~~~~~~~~~~
Sam pulled open the front door and turned quickly away from his sweet smile, heading into the kitchen, seeking a place of neutrality.
Jack followed her, a confused frown crossing his face, "I'm sorry it's taken me so long. You wouldn't believe the mess I've had to sort out this afternoon," he paused awkwardly, staring at her back as she rummaged around in the refrigerator for nothing in particular. "Anyway, I guess you don't want to hear about that...," he trailed off, wondering what he had done wrong. "Sam? Is everything okay?"
"Huh? Oh sorry, Jack," Sam turned towards him with a bottle of mineral water in her hand, faking a huge yawn, "I was miles away. I'm sorry, you were saying something."
Jack shrugged, "It was nothing important. You look tired." He examined her face, trying to decipher the mixture of emotions hiding behind her eyes. She was probably exhausted, it had been a long two days, he decided. He tapped his car keys on the counter, "Maybe I should head for home, I could pick you up in the morning to fetch your car," he suggested reluctantly, moving slowly towards the hall, hoping she would stop him.
Sam watched him go, too stunned to react, wondering dazedly what had happened to the appallingly hurtful fight she had been positive would occur between them. Instead, Jack reached the front door and opened it, glancing back wistfully before stepping out and closing it gently behind him.
She didn't move until long after the throaty roar of the car engine disappeared into the dark miserable night. Finally, she slid down the cupboard she was leaning against and sat on the floor, numbly hugging her knees to her chest.
Sometime later the tears had come, prompted by the awful realisation that she had loved him and lost him, all in one short weekend. Uncontrollable sobbing eventually dissipated into occasional sniffling until, in a final burst of frustrated anger, Sam picked up her door key, pulled on some sneakers and a jacket and headed out into the rain.
It wasn't long before her aimless walk became a full blown sprint, running until she was too exhausted to take another step, bending almost double to catch her breath and relieve the stitch in her side.
Returning oxygen to her lungs, she began to feel better, glancing around to determine where she was. The road looked familiar and Sam realised that, whether by accident or not, she had run all the way to Janet's house. Maybe she really did need a shoulder to cry on, Sam wondered, trying to remember whether the doctor was working this weekend. She gave up and headed towards the house, looking for any sign of life, relieved to see a bedroom light on.
Her gentle knocking deteriorated into solid hammering before the porch lamp finally went on and Janet appeared at the door, struggling to pull a robe over her nightgown, sleep still in her eyes. Her astonished look slowly turned to compassion as she absorbed the bedraggled sight before her and reached out a hand to pull Sam inside, heading for the kitchen to get some hot chocolate into her friend before listening to her torrid tale.
Janet managed to hold back everything that crossed her mind, except for purely sympathetic noises. At least until Sam had finished, then it was her duty to tell the young woman exactly what she thought she should do...
~~~~~~~~~~
~~knocked on my door about five thirty
nursing a broken heart
still got your keys in your back pocket - still got your jacket on~~
Sitting in Daniel's car by the side of the road, Janet's voice still rang in her ears, stinging Sam with her brutally honest words.
~~getaway - ya know it's now or never
getaway - nobody lives forever
we're only waitin' just to make our getaway
hey baby we were good together
seemed like you'd always be my girl
but looking back now we were just too clever
thinking love could change the world
ya know there's no point in waitin' - hesitating
we gotta leave today...~~
~~~~~~~~~~
"I hate to tell you this, Sam, but I think you know what you have to do," Janet began as gently as she could, wondering how her friend could have been so stupid as to get involved with a married man, and her CO to boot. "You know it was a mistake. For a start, it's against regulations!"
"But you said yourself that it's a dumb regulation!" Sam responded in an injured tone.
"Sure, in some circumstances, but it has to be a relationship based on mutual trust and love. From what you've told me, you were never once honest with the man!" Janet's voice rose, unable to suppress her feelings any longer. She was angry with Sam for throwing herself so wholly into something she had known all along would be a one night stand and she was even more furious with Jack for letting her do it, especially if he really did still love his wife, although that was one fact she wasn't so sure of.
Janet had seen the desire in the Colonel's eyes, snatching glimpses of the blonde Captain whenever he thought noone was watching. Maybe he was like all the men she had ever known, controlled by their libidos instead of their hearts, but the doctor found that hard to believe. In the relatively short time she had known Jack, Janet had seen him do some extraordinary things, showing levels of compassion and caring she had never before seen in a military man. Even so, what was he thinking? He should have known better!
Dr Frasier sighed, regarding the hurt filled eyes of the friend before her. "The spare room is made up, you'd better stay here tonight. We'll pick up your car tomorrow, I'll ring the Colonel and tell him in the morning, so he doesn't have to come back into town." Janet steered the exhausted woman towards the spare room, hanging her soaking wet clothing on the radiator and lending her a robe. She waited for Sam to settle into bed, before switching off the light and closing the door quietly.
Janet paused in the hallway, contemplating ringing Jack there and then, wishing she knew what was going on in his mind. But it was the middle of the night and she was angry with them both. It would be better to wait. Janet sighed again and headed back to bed.
By the time they were both ready for work, it was too late to collect Sam's car, so they both jumped into Janet's Wrangler and headed for the SGC. The doctor prayed there were no motorcycle police on the highway as she sped along, trying to make up for lost time, positive that Sam had taken so long in getting ready because she didn't want to face the Colonel. Well you play with fire, you get your fingers burned, Janet thought to herself bitterly, wondering whether SG1 would be able to survive as a team with this sort of tension in their midst.
~~~~~~~~~~
~~maybe i told you right from the start
you can have me
but you can't have my heart
it's easy enough to say but i couldn't care less
ya i might told you you were on my mind
guess i talked a pretty good line
but hey i can talk all day
but i just can't confess
that i'm a liar
i'm a victim of desire
i'm a moth into the fire
i'm over my head - forget what i said
tell ya i'm a liar
i'm just walking on the wire
i couldn't get much higher
i'm over my head - forget what i said
baby i'm a liar~~
Sam finally pulled herself together sufficiently to continue her journey home, checking the dark road behind her before she signalled and drove back onto the wide strip of glistening black tarmac, noticing for the first time that the rain had ceased and the puddles were beginning to drain away. "Pretty much a reflection of how I feel," she murmured ruefully to herself, all her anger and tears deflating into a familiar numbness.
As she drove, her mind wandered back to last Monday morning and her unavoidable encounter with Colonel O'Neill shortly before General Hammond's briefing was due to start.
~~~~~~~~~~
Sam was dawdling in the locker room, slowly putting on her uniform, reluctant to face the Colonel any earlier than absolutely necessary. She didn't hear anyone come in and nearly jumped out of her skin when she finally closed her locker door and turned to find herself face to face with Jack O'Neill.
"Colonel!" Was all Sam could manage in a shocked voice, trying to hide the butterflies that arose in her stomach at the sight of him.
Jack stared at her for a long moment, before he said anything, "Sorry, Captain. Didn't mean to startle you." Sam could almost picture him underlining the word 'Captain', he spoke her title so deliberately.
"It's okay, I didn't hear anyone come in," Sam began to recover, deciding to settle things here and now before it affected their impending mission. "Colonel, I wanted a word with you anyway," she emphasised his military title and forced a dazzlingly innocent smile onto her face, although not quite able to look him in the eye. "I wanted to thank you for the weekend and apologise for allowing my tiredness to get in the way last night. I think all those extra hours I've put in here over the past few weeks finally caught up with me." She smiled again, more convincingly this time as she realised she had taken him by surprise, judging by his look of confusion.
Jack considered her words, watching her expression carefully, but in the end he simply smiled thinly, "That's fine, Captain. No problem. Now we'd better be getting along to the briefing before we're late." And with that, O'Neill turned and walked away, his face deliberately blank as he strode through the corridors, acting as normally as possible given the turmoil he was feeling inside.
~~if i told ya to go away
baby you can't believe a thing i say~~
~~~~~~~~~~
Her borrowed vehicle reached the interstate and began to speed along the dark stretch of tarmac, the turn onto it, and subsequent change of scenery, unnoticed by Sam as she vividly recalled watching Jack walk out of the locker room, desperately wanting to call him back, to tell him how she really felt, but she knew that would be an even bigger mistake than what had transpired that weekend. Instead, she had grabbed the rest of her gear and headed up to the conference room, greeting the waiting occupants with her usual smile and trying to act as normally as possible under the circumstances.
At least there was a mission to bury herself in, thankfully there would be no further chance for them to be alone. Upon arrival, she knew they could follow the usual pattern of splitting into two teams to explore the planet's surface, the Colonel with Daniel Jackson and Captain Carter with Teal'c, a routine pairing that would arouse no suspicion of anything untoward in their recent past. Keeping Jack and Sam carefully separated, until yesterday's close encounter of a most explosive kind...
~~~~~~~~~~
A lot of what had happened was only related early that rainy Friday at the post mission debriefing held by General Hammond, in sombre mood, grimly regarding the three remaining members of SG1 as Dr Jackson attempted to report in halting, broken sentences. For a change Sam's expression was as deliberately blank as Teal'c's, listening silently, both as equally distressed as Daniel.
They had arrived on a green planet, through a Stargate located on the brow of a hill, at the centre of a stand of tall trees. No surprises there, except for the long stretch of open grass leading away down the slope in front, like a carpet rolled out to greet new arrivals.
Colonel O'Neill's experience kicked in immediately and he instructed them all to keep within the line of the forest, "Stay off the grass, kids! Looks a little TOO inviting for my liking."
"You suspect an ambush, O'Neill?" The Jaffa had asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Yeah, Teal'c, it's a perfect setup for one. Better to be safe than sorry, don't you think?" For some reason, he was looking at Sam when he said that, but she turned away quickly, unable to face his probing gaze.
Jack shrugged inwardly and turned his attention to the task at hand, "Okay, let's split up. Daniel you're with me. Teal'c with Carter. Don't forget to keep in touch, kids," he shouted back over his shoulder as he jumped off the side of the ramp a few yards up from the DHD and pushed his way into the thick evergreen forest, quickly disappearing into the dense undergrowth as Teal'c and Sam did the same on the opposite side.
It was late evening and the light was beginning to fade, when the first team had stumbled across the deserted ruins of a village. So the planet was inhabited, or at least it had been once. Daniel Jackson and the Colonel examined the broken down mud brick structures with a growing sense of unease, recognising the blast holes and indiscriminate destruction. The Goa'uld had been there and they had left their all too familiar mark!
The pair had found no signs of burial and no bodies, not even skeletal remains. All signs of life had been erased by their attackers and clearly some time ago, judging by the way the surrounding forest was beginning to take back what it had once owned.
O'Neill had radioed the other team, instructing them to find a suitable camp for the night. They would continue outwards for another twenty four hours before turning back towards the gate, exploring in a wide circle to see if they could find any sign of survivors. The Colonel had completed his communication with a question for the Jaffa, "These people appear relatively primitive, Teal'c. There are no signs of technology or weaponry. Why would the Goa'uld feel so threatened that they had to wipe out an entire population?"
The Jaffa's voice was grim as he pondered the question himself, "I do not know, O'Neill. But the Goa'uld are not known for making wasteful journeys. I suggest we proceed with caution."
"Always, Teal'c!" And the Colonel had lived up to his word, arriving safely back at the Stargate with Daniel Jackson shortly before dusk three days later. On their travels, they had found another two villages, both completely destroyed, again by what looked like Goa'uld weapons. But they were still unable to determine a reason for such a vengeful act of violence. And, on that last morning, Captain Carter had also reported finding an abandoned settlement on their way back through the valley. It had met with a similar fate.
In his usual manner, Daniel had continued exploring right up to the last moment, wandering behind the platform of the Stargate, investigating every inch in the hope he might find something, anything, that would tell them about this lost race of people. Apart from some primitive cooking utensils and bowls there had been nothing left in the ruins of the village huts, frustratingly little to indicate to the inquisitive doctor what might have occurred, or what sort of people they were. So he kept searching, clambering among the trees that had fallen down along the outskirts of the ramp over the course of time, presumably when age and size became too much for them and nature took its toll.
He was kicking around in circles as the minutes ran out, Teal'c and Sam reportedly only a mile away, when the toe of his boot clinked against something metal and Daniel bent down from view behind the gate to feel around in the long grass. "Jack! Jack, look at this! Over here!" The Colonel headed towards the excited voice, his gaze immediately captured by the glinting object in the younger man's outstretched hand.
"It's an arrowhead!" Jack moved closer to get a better look, feeling its smooth surface between his fingers, "Probably flint," he added, his voice rising to match his friend's excitement. "Hunt around, see if you can find any more. This could be the answer we've been searching for, Daniel. What if the people of this planet attacked the Goa'uld when they came through the gate...?"
"And they were destroyed because they failed!" Daniel's face went white as the implications of his simple discovery hit him. "But they must have known what kind of enemy they were facing before they attempted such a thing. The kind of courage that must have taken..."
"Or stupidity!" Jack said bitterly, feeling a familiar surge of rage that yet another race of people had been completely destroyed by the Goa'uld, wiped off the face of this world.
"No, Jack. They weren't fools," Daniel's voice was quiet, he understood what his friend was feeling, he felt it too. "They must have been pushed to the brink to do something like this. Maybe by the Goa'uld taking away their people, their loved ones," his voice was barely audible as he thought of his missing wife, Sha're.
O'Neill looked at him thoughtfully, knowing what was going through his mind, "Then they must have had a plan. They wouldn't have thrown their lives away for nothing, they risked it to save their people, not to destroy them." He stood there, weighing the arrowhead in his hand as he gazed around, imagining the perfect ambush, the best plan that these primitive people could have conjured up.
Tossing the metal arrowhead back to his friend, Jack wandered towards the ramp, stepping over the fallen trees blocking his way, dried twigs snapping against his leg as he brushed passed. He stopped and turned, staring at an ancient trunk, its bark dusty, grey and crumbling, bare in places, revealing sun bleached, dead wood beneath. A speculative look crossed his face and O'Neill stepped sideways, to the base of the tree, looking for the detached stump that had once held it to the ground.
Daniel moved in the opposite direction, kicking the long undergrowth with his boots as he slowly worked his way around the other side of the ramp in search of more arrowheads. His eyes followed Jack's movements curiously, the Colonel seemed inordinately interested in a simple fallen limb. Then the younger man spotted the other two members of their team emerging from the forest thirty yards below the Stargate and he headed down the grassy stretch to show them his discovery.
O'Neill studied the tree stump closely, running his fingers over the splintered wood, noting the bark bent outwards from the centre. He turned back to check the end of the trunk, a puzzled frown creasing his tanned features. Silently, Jack stepped within the dense stand of trees alongside the ramp, searching high and low for a sign, unsure of what he was seeking, but certain he would know it when he saw it.
And when he found what he was looking for, Jack knew immediately. The population of this planet did have a plan! The best they could have come up with given their primitive tools. At the base of each remaining tree along the front line beside the ramp was a small bore hole, from which seeped some strange thick substance, like black tar, dried solid with age in most cases. Some still had a thin line of green wiry thread attached, pressed within the sticky mass, but long since rotted away at the outside of the hole where it came into contact with the thick undergrowth, unprotected from the destructive dampness of the foliage.
But falling trees alone would never succeed and they must have known that too. Jack gazed up, high overhead into the leaf covered branches. He took an involuntary step backwards, swallowing hard, as he caught a threatening glint of metal above the ground around the Stargate. Hiding in suspension within the dark green foliage, an unnerving sight that he could not fully distinguish with the naked eye.
Jack moved back into the open, oblivious of everything around him except for the matter at hand, raising his binoculars to his eyes to focus on the dense cover above, he paled slightly as he finally understood what he was looking at. The inhabitants of this planet did indeed have a plan and a clever one at that, but what had set it in motion?
Lowering the glasses to hang around his neck, O'Neill turned towards the Stargate's metal ramp, crouching low and pushing the long grass out of the way to run his hands along the edge, but any clues that may once have hidden there had rotted away long before. He shook his head in frustration, it seemed the villagers' weapons had become defunct, which was probably a good thing considering his team were now here.
Jack glanced up at the sound of voices nearby, realising that Teal'c and Sam had returned and were heading for the DHD, several yards in front of him at the base of the ramp. Daniel was between them, showing them the flint arrowhead. O'Neill's gaze drifted down towards the dial device and that's when he saw it, attached high on the side of the dial, the last remnant of a long forgotten plan. A single green strand, seemingly intact, stretching tautly out of view, only visible from Jack's low eye level, outlining it against the blue sky beyond.
Halting beside the DHD, Sam heard a startled shout above Daniel's excited explanation about the meaning of his discovery. She saw Jack running towards them, his words unclear to her over the sound of a muffled blast off to one side. Only Teal'c reacted, dutifully following the Colonel's orders whether he understood them or not. He seized the nearest body and dived back out of the way, desperately grabbing for the blonde Captain as well, but he was too late, she had already stepped away from him, automatically moving closer to the Colonel to try and hear him better, before her senses could react to the explosive noise on her right.
Carter turned towards the sound, paralysed by the sudden view of an enormous tree toppling towards her and something glinting ominously among the thick green foliage. Then she felt herself falling, knocked over by the Colonel's lunging dive, and she rolled downhill, coming to a halt in a bruised, dazed heap.
Sam shook her head to clear the roaring noise within and without, opening her eyes to see Teal'c nearby, attempting to extricate himself from Daniel Jackson, who was equally stunned and only just beginning to move. Her shocked mind watched with detached curiosity as an unfamiliar look of horror crossed the Jaffa's normally calm features and she saw him shout and begin to run, but it was several long seconds before her brain could translate the sound into words and even longer before it responded to her frantic order to move her legs.
"O'NEILL!" Teal'c shouted again desperately as he approached the scene.
The tree had toppled onto the open ground between the forest and the DHD, stretching full length to bury the dial device at the top of its wide expanse of densely packed foliage. On the near side, trapped at the edge, a few feet short of safety as he attempted to roll out of the way, the Colonel lay pinned beneath the fallen limb, obscured from view by thick green branches. But what stopped the Jaffa short was the damp red stain spreading over the leaves. Why was there so much blood?
"Oh god, Jack!" Sam came up behind him, her face white as a sheet as she took in the sight, "NO!" Desperately she began to pull at the springy branches, trying to uncover the body, but Teal'c stopped her, holding her back with strong hands, despite the fight she put up and the furious glare she gave him.
"Captain Carter," Teal'c attempted to calm her. "We must proceed with caution. Look!" He pointed towards something glinting through the green foliage, uncovered by the woman's hands.
Letting the Captain go, Teal'c bent down closer, aware of Sam's stunned gaze as she also saw what he was examining. Along the length of the widest branches, hidden high within the tree, was a series of booby trap spikes, fashioned from the thickness of the limbs into short spears, each a few inches long and tipped with arrowheads, their edges glinting in the sunlight, lethally sharp. A hidden weapon that had now struck down its most recent admirer.
"Oh god!" Daniel's voice was a choked whisper, his hasty approach cut short when Sam grabbed his arm, stopping him from getting too close, "That's what the arrows were for!" He stood alongside her, staring in horror at the result of a primitive plan which had now caught Jack, his body spiked by the deadly spears, too buried beneath the thick green foliage to judge how badly, except by the amount of dark red blood shining amidst the leaves, glistening and damp.
Mentally forcing herself into action, Sam knelt down beside Jack, fumbling at his neck for a pulse. "He's still alive! You have to help me free him!" She yelled shakily. "Find something to cut the branches with. NOW!"
At last, the others moved, dropping backpacks and gear to rummage for tools and a medical kit. With no time to be delicate, the Colonel bleeding to death in front of them, they stripped away the smaller limbs until they had revealed the extent of the damage. Their movement causing the metal arrows to twist and dig against flesh and bone, forcing Jack from unconsciousness with an agonised scream.
Four bloodied spears impaled his body in a line from leg to head. A neat row, piercing his left thigh, abdomen, left arm, which stretched across his chest protectively, and his shoulder. The injury to his thigh was bleeding profusely, presumably slicing a major artery. The other wounds coagulating around the sharp arrowheads, their initial spurts of blood added to whenever his team moved the tree, proving that to remove the weapons that impaled him could prove fatal. Instead they would have to detach each spear from its limb, cutting slowly through the dried wood with a serrated edge tool as Jack drifted in and out of consciousness, the pain causing him to gasp or pass out in turn, his eyes glazed and uncomprehending, ghostly pale as his lifeforce slowly ebbed away.
~~~~~~~~~~
~~c'mon c'mon c'mon - we're gonna make it home tonight
c'mon c'mon c'mon - everything's gonna be alright
the nite is alive - the world is asleep
dreaming of promises they can't keep
we gotta be tough we gotta be strong
it's only love we've been waiting on~~
Sam remembered vividly how she held him close for the last time, trying to will away his pain, his head in her lap, her fingers against his bloodied neck. "Jack, it's going to be all right, just a few more minutes and we'll have the gate open." She looked up at the younger man desperately, they didn't have much time, the Colonel's pulse was extremely weak.
Daniel glanced across, deep concern shadowing his eyes as he continued to saw through the last remaining spear, the serrated edge tool covered with blood from the thigh wound, dulling the blade and causing it to slide in Jackson's hand until it suddenly slipped, slicing through his right palm.
"Ahhh!" Daniel gasped, clenching his fist and gritting his teeth against the sharp pain. Then he switched hands and continued the task with his left, ignoring his own blood now staining the branch as he tried to hold it still beneath his injured palm.
Behind them Teal'c struggled to cut through the fallen branches obscuring the DHD, praying it would be intact beneath the booby trapped limbs. But the new growth of leaf and tree that the Jaffa was removing had not yet existed in the time when this population had formed their plan to battle the Goa'uld. When Teal'c finally exposed the top of the dial, it was intact, a deep dent in the side where the last heavy branch had impacted, but the symbols they needed were undamaged and the dome on top was in one piece. "Captain Carter, the dial home device is uncovered!"
Sam barely glanced up at his shout, "Teal'c start dialling, we're nearly through." She glared at Daniel again, praying her words would prove accurate.
"Just... one... more... second," Daniel spat through gritted teeth, sweat beading on his face from the exertion. "That's it!" He stood up, signalling for Sam to lift up the branches whilst he pulled Jack out from beneath as gently as possible. Behind them they heard the roar of the wormhole engaging and Teal'c stepped towards them, bending down to lift the bloodstained body. The Colonel screamed in pain at the harsh motion, then his head rolled to one side as he passed out a final time.
~~~~~~~~~~
~~so c'mon c'mon c'mon - we're gonna make it home tonight
c'mon c'mon c'mon - everything's gonna be alright
it's only a dream - it's all in your head
it's only some words somebody said
we can believe what we wanna believe
and you can believe in me~~
Samantha Carter remembered sitting beside the unconscious man throughout the night and the following day, from the moment Jack
returned from surgery, still and pale beneath the bandages. She had shared the time with Daniel and Teal'c in turn, holding back her tears until she was alone once more. Only dragged away by the General's need for a full debriefing. She had prayed for Jack's survival and promised to forgive and forget everything that had taken place if her prayers were answered, deciding she didn't care what happened between them so long as he lived.
And then Jack woke up, for the briefest moment, late that Friday afternoon. He had gazed at her, his soft brown eyes glazed from the medication he had been given, but he had smiled when he saw her watching him, managing to breathe her name in a barely audible whisper, "Sam, I..."
"Don't try to talk, Jack. You're very weak, you've lost a lot of blood," Sam tried to speak the words calmly, but they caught in her throat, tears threatening to fall again. Instead she had squeezed his hand and he had attempted to return the comfort, his fingers faintly moving beneath hers.
"S'okay," Jack tried to reassure her, his eyes fluttering shut again as he descended back into sleep. Then a frown crossed his face as if he was trying to remember something and he forced open his eyes again, this time slightly clearer, concentrating on the importance of a promise he had made to someone close, "Tell Sarah I'm sorry. Please, Sam?" His eyes pleaded as they closed, entrusting the fate of his vow into her hands, too soon to see the look of wild fury cross Carter's face as her exhausted mind reacted to his words.
And that was that. Carter had flown into Doctor Frasier's office, told her that the Colonel had woken briefly, and then hunted down Daniel Jackson who had been trying to type a report into his computer left handed, hampered by the loss of use of his right fingers, now immobilised by ten stitches in the deep cut on his palm and well wrapped in bandages. He wasn't driving anywhere in a hurry, so Sam borrowed his car keys and took off without another word.
~~~~~~~~~~
Now the interstate stretched into the distance, dark and endless. Sam angrily reached for the off button on the stereo, preferring silence to focus on the road ahead. Blocking out any further recriminations for the remainder of the journey, mentally counting down the miles left before the off ramp. Eventually she turned onto the damp city streets to journey the last few blocks home, the evening traffic growing lighter as she drove away from the busy centre.
Exhausted, the young woman let herself into the cold, empty house, discarding a trail of clothes on her way to the bedroom, before slumping on the comfortable mattress in the hope of rapidly sinking into the arms of sleep, fighting to suppress the memories that room now invoked.
Sam was dreaming of an intimate walk in the park, bird song surrounding them as she gradually surfaced from sleep to realise she could still hear the sound even though it was pitch dark outside, too early for a dawn chorus. Slowly she acknowledged it wasn't birds tweeting at all, it was the noise of her pager beeping, its muffled tones coming from the hallway, presumably still buried in the pocket of her uniform, dropped somewhere between the bedroom and the front door.
With a defiant groan, she rolled over and buried her head beneath the pillow, desperately needing to hide from her troubles in sleep. Nothing else mattered except rest, to gather her strength before she could even consider facing her friends back at the SGC again.
The beeping eventually ceased and Sam forced herself to relax, using an old trick from her childhood of reciting star constellations in her head. When her pager went off a second time, thirty minutes later, she was deeply asleep, oblivious to its beckoning call.
~~~~~~~~~~
When Samantha awoke the sun was high in the sky, the rain had cleared at last, leaving a bright, clear Saturday. She felt better than she had all week, as if to match the weather. Taking a long hot shower to wash the cobwebs away, she even managed to ignore the memories it conjured up from just a week ago, trying to reach a point where she was beyond the stupefying effects of it all and could go back to simply existing, for better or for worse.
Waiting for some fresh coffee to filter, Sam idly wandered into the hall and began to collect her clothes discarded the previous night, emptying pockets before throwing the items into the laundry. She was surprised to find her pager displaying the number for Dr Frasier's office extension. So it had been Janet beeping her, not the General... Even more frightening was the number of attempted calls, scrolling down to find Janet's number repeated eleven times!
The blonde Captain fought the natural instinct to imagine the worst, but her friend had been trying to contact her in the middle of the night, what else could have been that urgent, except something horrible? Reluctantly, she drifted towards the phone, her answering machine was flashing the number six on the digital readout. Well she had been away for as many days, it didn't mean anything, did it?
Carter reached across to press the button, unable to stop her hand from trembling. The tape rewound slowly before playing, a single tone heralding the beginning of each new message.
"Hi, it's Janet. Call me when you get in, it's urgent."
"Me again. Ring me when you get home. Please?"
"It's me. Where on earth are you? Call me."
"Sam? You must be home by now. Pick up!" Long pause, "Oh for god sakes, where the hell have you got to?"
"Look, maybe you don't want to talk to me, but I'm getting really worried. Just call me back, so I at least know you're still alive, okay?"
"It's Janet. I'm going to be back in surgery for a few hours. Leave me a message, or I'll try and page you when I'm finished. Maybe I can track you down that way, wherever you are..."
Sam listened to each message left by her friend over the course of ninety minutes, the last one shortly before the Captain had arrived home the previous evening. With each one the doctor's tone had deteriorated, from a bright, hopeful smile, through irritability, and ending with an exhausted voice that startled Sam with its coldness.
Slowly she reached for the phone, staring at it hard, her hand paused over the receiver unable to force herself to make the call, too frightened by what Janet might have to say. She shook her head, pressed the button to clear the messages and headed back to the kitchen for the strong coffee she now needed more than ever.
Ten minutes, and several gulps of the hot, black liquid, later, Sam returned, a half full mug still in one hand, picking up the cordless handset to hit the speed dial button for her friend's home number before she could change her mind. An answering machine responded, forcing Carter to leave a tentative message. "Oh! I assumed you'd be home by now. Never mind, I'll try you at work."
She manually dialled the direct number for Janet's office phone. The line was engaged. Replacing the receiver, Sam wandered across to stare out the window just as the telephone rang behind her, startling her enough to spill hot coffee onto her hand, a fact barely noticed as the noise brought any hope of escape crashing down around her. Her heart leapt to her throat as she whirled around to stare at the offending equipment, fighting temptation to let her answering machine take it again.
Just as her recorded voice kicked in, Sam picked up the receiver with a shaking hand, "Hello?" Her tone sounded feeble and frightened to her own ears.
"Sam, thank god!" Janet's relief was tangible, "Where have you been, I've been trying to reach you all night?"
"I know, I'm sorry, I just found your messages," Sam responded, ducking her question.
Janet paused, trying to suppress her annoyance as she waited for further expansion and realised it would not be forthcoming, at least not in this conversation. "Look, I've got something important to tell you, but I can't do it now, there's too many people hovering around this morning."
Sam barely heard her friend's words, busily resisting the urge to ask how Jack was. She wasn't sure that she wanted to hear the answer, nor did she want Janet to know she still cared what it was. In the end she simply said, "Okay."
"I'll be finished in half an hour, can you meet me at my place in ninety minutes?" It concerned the doctor that Sam hadn't asked how the Colonel was, but Janet's patience with her friend was fading as her exhaustion grew and she certainly wasn't going to volunteer the information. If the Captain wanted to know, she could damn well ask!
But Sam simply repeated her previous one word response and replaced the handset quickly before she lost control, gulping the rest of her coffee rapidly. She threw the dirty mug into the sink and turned off the heat beneath the half full pot, grabbing her keys and jacket to head out the door before the phone could ring again.
It took an hour to walk to the city centre to retrieve her abandoned car. All the way, Carter concentrated her thoughts on whether or not the vehicle would have been towed or stolen during the seven days it had been parked on a side street. Surprisingly it was still there, presumably saved by the decent alarm system the Captain had invested in.
With nothing remaining to delay her attendance at Janet's house, Sam drove with trepidation towards the shady tree lined street, feeling as if she had a date with destiny.
~~~~~~~~~~
Janet had just arrived home and was making herself a hot chocolate, "It always help me get to sleep," she explained tiredly to the young woman as they stood in the doctor's surgically clean kitchen, "I haven't slept properly since Thursday morning and I've got to be back at the SGC tonight."
The doctor cast a perceptive eye over her friend, deciding to get to the point, "Look Sam, I don't know what's going on with you at the moment and I haven't really got the time or energy to find out. Maybe you've decided you're not interested in what I'm about to say, although personally I think you're only fooling yourself. Even so, I would have told you this yesterday evening if you had bothered to return my calls, so I may as well go ahead and tell you now you're here."
The blonde Captain stared uncomfortably at her friend, wondering if Janet could see right through her feeble facade. She had no idea what this was all about, but had a horrible feeling that she was not going to like what the doctor had to say.
"I was in my office after you left yesterday when a pager went off, only it wasn't mine, it was Colonel O'Neill's, the nurse had put his belongings in my desk drawer for safekeeping," Janet began to explain carefully, sipping at her hot drink. "I didn't know the number on the bleeper, so I rang it and I got through to a very friendly, but extremely concerned, Mrs Sarah O'Neill. Apparently, the Colonel had missed an important appointment he had faithfully promised to attend." Janet paused long enough for Sam to interrupt with a question, but the Captain simply continued to lean against the kitchen counter, staring unfocused, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
"It turns out Jack was due before a judge yesterday, along with his wife, in order to finalise their divorce. Just in time for her wedding tomorrow!" The doctor suppressed a smile, trying to ignore Sam's jaw dropped expression. "She was obviously unhappy that he'd missed the meeting, but she was far more worried about whether Jack was okay." Janet stared pointedly, her unspoken meaning all too apparent as she watched the blonde woman flush red with shame.
"I told Sarah that Jack had been injured in a training accident. She'd obviously heard that one before, so she didn't press for details. I assured her that he'd be fine, but had been unconscious for awhile."
"Is he fine?" Sam's frightened, timid interruption only surprised the doctor by its lateness.
Janet gazed at her friend, seeing her desperate attempt at control beginning to crumble. Eventually, the doctor nodded, managing a weak smile of reassurance to hide a grimace, "Yeah, Jack's going to be okay," she said softly, knowing the gory details could wait, maybe forever.
"Anyway," Janet continued lightly, "I asked Sarah what she would do about the wedding and she said they'd have to postpone it. When I remarked on how calmly she was taking it, she laughed and said 'once an airforce wife, always an airforce wife.' Incredible!" The doctor smiled at the memory.
"We had quite a chat! Sarah told me all about how rushed it was. How her fiancé was offered a job in Boston and she had decided to go with him. How, when she broke the news to Jack, he had been surprisingly happy for her. How he had promised to help her sort out the mess he'd left her in when they separated. Including finalising the divorce, which they'd somehow never gotten round to before. And helping her clear out the house and garage last Sunday afternoon, so that she would be able to rent it out." Janet sipped at her rapidly cooling drink, still astounded at how easily she and Sarah had talked on the telephone, as if they had known each other for years.
"She told me how hard it was on both of them to sort through all the old memories, stuff belonging to their son, things from when they were still a family. She said she got really distraught, but Jack was strong enough to help them both get through it. He was amazing. Apparently they talked for hours, Sarah said it was the first two way conversation they'd ever had about what happened and it made her feel so much better about moving away. Up till then, she'd been really worried about him because he seemed to be burying himself so deeply in his work." Janet smiled as she remembered something else, "Sarah admitted it almost made her wish they were still in love with each other! And to top it all off, Jack had given her 'something blue' to wear at her wedding. You know, to go with the 'Something old, something new, something borrowed'..."
"And something blue!" Sam startled Janet with her sorrowful words. "The necklace," she said softly, her eyes bright with tears as she thought back to how she had treated Jack that last Sunday evening, after the distressing task he had been doing...
Janet nodded, compassion returning to her exhausted face, "Sarah said it was really beautiful..." The doctor shrugged awkwardly, glad that her original instincts about Jack O'Neill had proved to be correct. She was reluctant to influence her friend, but, since they all seemed to be doing a lot of acting on instinct lately, what the hell, "He's really special, Sam. You shouldn't let him go."
"I can't face him after what I did," Sam bit her lip tearfully, staring out of the window, as she recalled his last pleading words, "Jack asked me to tell Sarah he was sorry he couldn't keep his promise!" She glanced at Janet's surprised face, "I didn't do it! I was too jealous to even consider it was an innocent request. And now I've ruined her life as well as his!"
"Don't you think that's a bit melodramatic, Sam?" Janet protested, "I'm sure they'll both manage, in spite of your oversight. Anyway," she added with a knowing smile, "It just so happens I know a very sweet judge, who owes me a favour and I've arranged for a little house call!"
"You're kidding!" Sam looked at her in astonishment.
"Nope! Whilst I was talking to Sarah I decided that at least one couple should be happy this weekend. She's a good person, Sam, I think you'd really like her," Janet grinned at the irony. "Anyway, I told her not to postpone the wedding, that between us we'd be able to get everything sorted out in time. That's why I was so late leaving the SGC this morning and why I have to go back later. Dr Jackson and I have a delivery to make!"
Sam regarded her with a puzzled frown, waiting for an explanation. "We're taking Colonel O'Neill to meet his wife at the judge's house this evening, so they can put the final stamp on their divorce and file the papers. Oh, and I promised Daniel that I'd let him drive his car again, so long as he's careful with his stitches. I think he misses that old jalopy, you know!" Janet was never going to admit that this was simply a ruse she had set Daniel up with to ensure that Jack and Sam's paths would cross. "If you take it over to the Colonel's place, we're going there afterwards to collect some of his stuff, so we'll meet you there!"
Two days earlier, anyone who tried to tell Janet that she'd be matchmaking the two officers, would have been immediately placed under sedation. She could scarcely believe it herself, but she recognised two pining lovers when she saw them. And for a change Jack was showing it worse than Sam, lying in the infirmary miserable and lifeless, his recovery far slower than usual. Even allowing for the previous evening's setback, for which the doctor still irrationally blamed herself, coming as it did barely an hour after she had assured Sarah O'Neill that Jack would be absolutely fine.
After all, it was a fact of life with injuries of his type that not all the destruction could always be caught first time around. You can only mend the damage that can be seen amidst the blood and sometimes in the process, the tiniest nicks remain undetected and can even be pulled open wider once the other wounds have been sewn up and dressed. Only to reveal themselves later in the tell tale signs of loss of blood pressure or, worse still, the patient crashing...
And, even though Janet's worst nightmare had come true, and despite the fact that he was technically dead for one horrifyingly long moment, Jack's lack of improvement after his second sudden, but successful, visit to the operating room had left the female doctor sleepless with worry for most of the night until she went to do her regular on-call rounds just before dawn and found Jack sleeping restfully at last, dreaming and murmuring Samantha's name blissfully. And, in that moment, it had become clear to her what had to be done. And now the wheels were set in motion...
~~~~~~~~~~
That Sunday evening, a smiling blonde Captain climbed behind the wheel of Daniel's ancient landrover, feeling exceptionally strange to be there again under such different circumstances. It had turned out that the owner of the vehicle had been unable to drive after all, having torn the stitches in his hand whilst helping an exhausted Colonel from car to wheelchair after their visit to the judge. So Janet had taken Daniel home instead, but not before he made Sam promise faithfully to return his car the very next day.
So now Sam switched on the headlights against the encroaching darkness before pulling out of the driveway, around Dr Frasier's jeep, and onto the tree lined street, having left the doctor to check up on Jack whilst Sam dutifully returned Daniel's much maligned vehicle. The young woman turned on the stereo, certain that it would be a more positive experience than last Friday night. She increased the volume slightly, waiting expectantly for the track to begin.
~~clue number one was when you knocked on my door
clue number two was the look that you wore
n' that's when i knew, it was a pretty good sign
that something was wrong up on cloud number nine
well it's a long way up and we won't come down tonight
well it may be wrong but baby it sure feels right
and the moon is out and the stars are bright
and whatever comes s'gonna be alright
cause tonight you will be mine - up on cloud number nine
and there ain't no place that i'd rather be
and we can't go back but you're here with me
yeah, the weather is really fine - up on cloud number nine~~
Thinking back, it did seem so right in the end. That Saturday evening, Sam had arrived late, having driven around for hours trying to decide what to say, until she had given up and simply pointed the car towards Jack's house, deciding that words alone would never be enough anyway.
From that point on it was beyond her control. Janet had it all planned out, deciding it was a risk worth taking to allow Jack to stay at home now that he was there, hoping it might speed up his recovery. Not that he was giving her much choice in the matter, flatly refusing to go back to the infirmary anyway, pleading with that feeble puppy dog look he always seemed to reserve for female doctors.
Unable to leave him on his own, Janet had waited to take Daniel home the moment Samantha arrived. The blonde Captain left to linger at the open front door with a growing sense of panic as she watched the pair of them depart before going inside to face her fate. Gingerly knocking on the open door of the den with a strained smile that bordered on terror. But, as it turned out, fate can sometimes play the best card of all and, every now and then, two people are such a perfect match that they don't need to explain a thing...
Greeted by the heart rending sight of Jack O'Neill lying unnaturally still and pale, propped up against a pile of pillows and confined to a comfortable pull out sofa bed that Janet had strictly forbidden him to move from unaided or else he would be taken straight back to the SGC, even if she had to wrestle him into the car. Tentatively, Sam had stepped into the room and into his arms, well one arm, considering the left was still bandaged and immobilised along with his shoulder. And suddenly there was no need for explanations or recriminations, just forgiveness and understanding.
~~~~~~~~~~
~~well i'm wrapped around your finger
i'm never letting go
you know i'm happy just to linger
and let the feeling flow
this must be an illusion
i know this can't be real
but right here and right now
this is paradise i feel
i never thought i'd find someone to move me
someone who could see right thru me
you found your way into my head
where even angels fear to tread
don't wanna go out walkin'
don't wanna take a drive
don't wanna move from this sweet spot baby
while this feelin's still alive
the way we fit together
it's like we're meant to be
and right here and right now
this is paradise to me~~
Sam smiled softly as she recalled everything Jack had said. The look on his face when he finally admitted how deeply he felt about her, how he wanted their relationship to grow, not end. And his worried frown as he awaited her response, uncertain, after all that had happened, whether she felt the same way. But, one look into those deep brown eyes, that pale, anxious face, and Sam was lost forever, and this time all the emotions on display were real, raw, honest and mutual.
They had talked forever, eventually returning to the previous weekend, both painfully confessing what they had really been thinking, until they laughed at how foolish they had been. Sam especially couldn't believe the hell she had put herself through in the past week, when, all along, Jack had been trying to tell her how he really felt and she had stupidly prevented him from finishing the words. She promised herself that she was never going to stop him from doing that again!
Finally, she needed to explain about last Sunday night, to tell him how she felt. "Janet told me about her conversation with your wife," Sam said quietly, gazing shyly at him as she mentioned the 'other woman', nervously trying to broach a previously taboo subject.
"Ex-wife, remember?" Jack broke in with a reassuring smile.
"Sarah." Sam corrected herself, recalling what Janet had said about the woman, realising this was a good person who deserved to be referred to by name, not as some unmentionable figure of the past. "Sarah told Janet what you did last Sunday afternoon, how you helped her..." she trailed off in a choked voice, swallowing hard against the lump suddenly obstructing her throat, shamefully lowering her gaze.
Jack covered her tightly clenched hands with his own, squeezing softly, waiting for her to continue until Sam entwined her fingers in his and pressed her lips against them. When he eventually slipped them from her grasp and tilted her chin up he found tears shining in her blue eyes and Sam saw his confused frown as he gently brushed away the dampness from her face.
"I'm so sorry, Jack," she finally managed to whisper. "I gave you such a hard time after what you'd been through that day." Sam bit her trembling lip, struggling to hold in the tears, "I was so jealous, I just wanted to hurt you back. How can you ever forgive me for that...?"
"There's nothing to forgive, Sam." Jack stroked her cheek with his fingers, "It wasn't your fault, if I'd been honest with you in the first place it would never have happened."
"But I can't forgive myself for what I did to you!" Her voice was becoming more distraught as she considered what she had done, how she had let her imagination control her emotions, "I can't believe I actually wanted to hurt you!"
"That's all history, Sam, and despite what happened, we're still here." He held her gaze determinedly, "There are too many 'what ifs' in life to dwell on them. Look at the facts, if I hadn't been so stubborn maybe things would have turned out differently on our last mission, but instead I screwed up and couldn't stop that booby trap thing from going off..."
Sam shuddered at the memory, vividly recalling the harrowing scene, "I thought you were going to die..." The sound of her tiny voice broke his heart.
"But I didn't, I'm still here, we're both here," Jack said softly, lifting her hand and squeezing her fingers to demonstrate.
"Oh god, Jack!" Sam's defences finally crumbled, completely and utterly, unable to hold back the tears any longer. Jack pulled her into his warm embrace, holding her tight, whispering to her and stroking her hair until the flood began to abate.
Shifting slightly, she laid against his uninjured side, resting her head on his shoulder, comforted by his arm wrapped around her, his fingers brushing gently at the tears staining her cheeks. Eventually she murmured, "I was so scared, Jack. I thought you were going to die and it would be all my fault, because you saved my life, even after what I did to you."
"I love you, Sam," Jack smiled, "What else was I going to do?" He tilted her chin to look into her eyes, "Tell me you're going to be okay about all this? That we can put it behind us," he urged softly, lost in her watery gaze.
Sam stared back, biting her trembling lip, renewed tears brimming in her blue eyes, but this time they fell for a different reason, because she saw his expression, the unconditional love he was willing to give her if she would only accept. Sam nodded, stretching up on one elbow to kiss him tenderly. "I love you too, Jack," she breathed, brushing her lips against his once more, before resting her head against his shoulder, enveloped in his loving embrace.
They lay quietly for a long time, no more words needed, until eventually they were interrupted by a phone call from Janet, to say that she wasn't going to be able to make it back till Sunday evening, having been called away on an 'emergency'. Could Sam possibly watch over the Colonel until then?
The blonde woman smiled to herself as she remembered the conversation, the tone of Janet's voice clearly telling Samantha that she had been setup and could thank her later. And somehow, even then, Sam had a feeling that she and Jack would be eternally grateful to their friend. The doctor's final words were more serious, "Make sure he stays in bed AND gets plenty of rest. Please? And if he starts to feel light headed or dizzy or shows any signs of deterioration, call me immediately!"
Sam was true to her word, persuading the exhausted man to go to sleep with the promise that she would stay close. Snuggling down beside him, her hand on his chest, reassured by Jack's steady heartbeat beneath her fingers, until they both succumbed to pleasant dreams. For a change, their thoughts filled with the future and how much fun the voyage of discovery was going to be, to find out everything there was to know, until they knew each other inside out.
~~~~~~~~~~
~~the biggest lie you ever told - your deepest fear 'bout growin' old
the longest night you ever spent - the angriest letter you never sent
the boy you swore you'd never leave - the one you kissed on new year's eve
the sweetest dream you had last night
your darkest hour, your hardest fight
i wanna know you - like i know myself
i'm waitin' for you - there ain't no one else
talk to me baby - scream and shout
i want to know you - inside out
i wanna dig down deep - i wanna lose some sleep
i wanna scream & shout - i wanna know you inside out
i wanna take my time - i wanna know your mind
ya know there ain't no doubt - i wanna know you inside out
the saddest song you ever heard - the most you said with just one word
the loneliest prayer you ever prayed - the truest vow you ever made
what makes you laugh, what makes you cry
what makes you mad, what gets you by
your highest high, your lowest low - these are the things i want to know
i wanna know your soul - i wanna lose control
c'mon 'n let it out - i wanna know you inside out
ya gotta dig down deep - i wanna lose some sleep
i wanna scream & shout - i wanna know you inside out
tell me everything...~~
Sam started to sing along as she drove towards Daniel's apartment, wondering how long it might be before he'd notice one missing CD. Then her thoughts returned to what was waiting for her when she got back and her spirits soared even higher as the music returned to the beginning, accompanied by a whole new meaning...
~~we all need something new
something that is true
and someone else to feel it too
i feel so high - no one else would know it
i don't know why i feel the way i do
i can't let go - and i'm not scared to show it
cuz being here feels right
tell me - how do ya feel tonight?
is there anybody out there?
anyone that can't explain
anyone that feels no pain
is there anybody dreaming
dreaming of a better day
when everything goes your way
we all need something new
something that is true
and someone else to feel it too
someone just like you~~
The End.
Story Notes: mail: Elaine.Stouse@Virgin.Net
Summary: Some musically inspired love and angst, specially for all the shippers out there
Spoilers: None
Status: Completed
Rating: PG13
Category: Sam & Jack Relationship
Disclaimer: Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author.
Author's Comments: 17 June 1999: Okay, I admit, I've been playing one particular CD in my car for far too long, so I finally had to get all the ideas it keeps springing on me out of my system and onto paper before my head explodes, resulting in fifteen pages in just one night. AND I swore I would never write anything like this! Feedback would be appreciated as I couldn't get my usual "editor" to read this because there aren't any car chases! The lyrics don't belong to me, I'm just borrowing them until the owners find out and ask for them back. If you want more, check out Bryan Adams wonderful CD "On A Day Like Today." It's truly inspiring!
Summary: Some musically inspired love and angst, specially for all the shippers out there
Spoilers: None
Status: Completed
Rating: PG13
Category: Sam & Jack Relationship
Disclaimer: Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author.
Author's Comments: 17 June 1999: Okay, I admit, I've been playing one particular CD in my car for far too long, so I finally had to get all the ideas it keeps springing on me out of my system and onto paper before my head explodes, resulting in fifteen pages in just one night. AND I swore I would never write anything like this! Feedback would be appreciated as I couldn't get my usual "editor" to read this because there aren't any car chases! The lyrics don't belong to me, I'm just borrowing them until the owners find out and ask for them back. If you want more, check out Bryan Adams wonderful CD "On A Day Like Today." It's truly inspiring!
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]