Samantha Carter
Journal entry for July 30, 1999
Time: 10:16pm
I never expected that... never in a million years. I'm not even sure I know how to respond to that either. In a way she is me, so I should feel flattered... if not a little apprehensive. In another way, a big way, she's not me. That one's a little harder to peg. I should feel sad for her for losing her husband, happy she got one last rememberance of the man he was through our Jack, elated that her version of Earth was saved. I should feel all those things... but I don't. When I saw them kiss... the emotion hit me like a brick wall. I was Jealous. It's a weird thing watching yourself kiss someone... but not actually kissing him. Kinda like a dream... you know, the kind that feels so real that when you wake up, you could have sworn it was real. When he came back through that mirror, I woke up. Wasn't a fun experience. I realized that no matter what my feelings were, no matter what his were... it won't happen. The difference between those realities and this one was subtle, but oh so important. We serve together in this one, and protocol prohibits any kind of fraternization between officers. So in those other realities where Samantha Carter's and Jack O'Neill's exist, and are married or engaged or hell, are even flirting... those will never happen to me, not with him at least... I don't think... Oh god, listen to me, I'm rambling, and to a computer no less. I guess that's my biggest problem... Even though that Samantha Carter lost Jack... she at least had that year with him, feeling wanted, feeling loved. Right now all I feel is loneliness, and watching them kiss only emphasized it. But in a way, that kiss make me wonder, does Jack feel the same way about me as I do about him... or does he feel that way about her. Arghhh..... I'm going in circles, and it's making my head hurt. Maybe one day I'll get up the courage to ask him... maybe. Oh yeah, that Jealousy thing, the green eyed monster... it had me wanting to yell "Get a room". Of course it was just for a split second, but damnit... it was there. I wanted to tell them to stop, to remind her that she lost her Jack and she can't have ours. I wanted to be a total Bitch, but I couldn't. I like her, I really do. And it's not like Jack and I are together or anything. I try to tell myself it was a comforting kiss, nothing more. But I don't know, it's too soon, to recent. That jealous vibe is still there, telling me "Would a comforting kiss look like THAT?" Every time I think I've got him figured out, he springs a new one on me. I can just see him now, pacing his quarters, trying to figure out just what the hell happened. It's actually a funny picture.
Samantha
*****
Finis
Story Notes: By: Katy Godeke
Email: Janika1@aol.com
Disclaimer: I don't own them... If I did, well, projecting wouldn't be necessary anymore.... and I don't have money so go ahead and try to sue me.... you can have my furby....
Email: Janika1@aol.com
Disclaimer: I don't own them... If I did, well, projecting wouldn't be necessary anymore.... and I don't have money so go ahead and try to sue me.... you can have my furby....
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]