"Captain Carter, I am ordering you to come back up here right now. Right now."
Not that I think she'll actually listen to me, and come back up. No way. That damn woman's the only person I've ever met who's as stubborn as I am. Damnit, why did I let her go down with Cassie? Why didn't I order her to stay right then and there, when she was in front of me and I could stop her? Because I couldn't have stopped her, that's why.
*****
I can hear his voice coming through the speaker, ordering me back up, but I don't care. He doesn't sound too convinced I'm going to obey him anyway. He knows there's not a chance in hell I'm leaving Cassie. Not very long now. I hope I'm right.
*****
Well, I told the others to go, but they opted to stay. Can't say I'm surprised. I should have gone too, but I can't. I won't leave her to die alone. If she goes, I go.
*****
Almost time. Cassie tells me how brave I am. It's not true. I'm scared half out of mind, but I'm not leaving her. The speaker's gone all quiet. I guess that means the guys have left, gone to a safe distance. It's just me and Cassie now, all alone is this dark, cold, underground shelter, waiting to die. Ten seconds.
*****
Ten seconds. I think of her, all alone down there, with only a child. I wish I could have stopped her. I wish... I wish we could have had more time together. I wish she knew just how much I've come to care for her, that she won't die alone. As I watch the final seconds of both our lives, I suddenly realise how very precious to me she is. In the last five seconds, I realise I love her. She's quietly replaced Sara in my heart and mind, and she'll never know.
*****
It's time. Hold on Cassie, I'll look after you.
*****
It didn't go off. I know they're far underground, that's there's probably several thousand tons of rock and concrete and steel between us, but surely we should have felt something, heard something.
"Maybe we wrong about the time." I say, not daring to say what I'm really hoping.
Danny says it for me. "Maybe we were wrong about what would happen."
Sudden hope rushes through me as I reach for the speaker. "Captain Carter? can you hear me?"
Silence. Maybe she didn't make it. No, she has to have made it.
"Sam." I say my voice urgent. "Can you hear me?"
One breathless moment of waiting, hanging in time for an eternity, then a voice comes through, "We're okay! Nothing happened."
Oh thank god. Thank you God.
*****
I rushed to the speaker as soon as I heard his voice, anxious to reassure him. We'd survived! I'd been right! I tried to explain it to him, but I'm not sure he understood. I'm not sure I understand how I knew, but I did.
*****
She couldn't leave her. I knew how she felt. I couldn't leave her either. And she just knew the damn bomb wouldn't go off. She just knew! Did she even know what I was feeling up here? Did she know I felt like I... hell, I've got no words for it. Sort of relieved she'a alive, mixed with anger at her her doing this, leaving me alone while she went with Cassie, sudden worry at the whole new bunch of feelings I've discovered for my second-in-command, and a desperate desire to see her again. Well, that part I can fix.
"Daniel." I call out, spotting him thumping Teal'c in relief, and Teal'c looking very confused. All normal there then. "Why don't you and Teal'c get Doctor Frasier."
"Where are you going?" Daniel asks.
"Down there." My voice is firm enough to give no possibility of argument.
Daniel has a go anyway. "Jack, we don't know what's going on, the bomb could still be active you could still get..."
His voice trails off as the elevator doors close, and it descends.
*****
I'm crying now as I hold Cassie. We both are. I don't know what's going on, but Janet should be here soon, and hopefully she'll confirm my theory. I just what to get her home safe now. The elevator clunks. Someone's coming down. But it's not safe yet! I haven't confirmed that the bomb in Cassie's heart isn't going to go off? Who could be reckless enough to come down now?
*****
This elevator's slow. Come on! I want to see her! Will I react differently, now I know what I really feel for her? Will I be able to resist the impulse to grab her, and shake her for scaring me like that, then kiss her? This is ridiculous. She's my second-in-command. My friend! What I felt, what I realised I felt, was caused only because I thought she was going to die. I'd never have known otherwise. I have to act normal.
She has to have no clue to what I just went through.
*****
Well, of course, I know who's reckless enough to come down now. The colonel. Oh boy. Am I in trouble now. I disobeyed orders, put myself at risk unnecessarily, broke a whole load of regulations. He's going to tan my hide. Then I realise something. When he called me, it was only seconds after the bomb was supposed to have gone off. That means he was up there when he should have been far away, safely undercover. He stayed. He didn't leave me alone, he stayed. That means more to me than he could ever know.
*****
I try to look stern as I step out of the elevator, but she's standing there smiling and glowing, but there's tears running down her face and the first thing she says is, "You stayed! You shouldn't have done, and it was very dangerous, but thank you so much for staying."
Damn, that woman has a distinct talent for throwing me off-course. I had every intention of bawling her out as soon as I got down here, but now all I want to do is wipe those tears away, and tell her of course I stayed, how could I possibly have left?
*****
He looks discomfited by what I said. I guess he was planning to bawl me out, and wasn't expecting a heartfelt thank you as soon as he got down here. I had to say it though. I am grateful beyond words that he didn't leave Cassie and I alone.
*****
"Daniel and Teal'c stayed too. And you would have done the same." This is stupid. I feel like a schoolboy. I should try and remember what I came down here for, and give her a good yelling at for breaking my orders. "Captain," I start, but she interrupts.
"I know I should have come up Sir, and I'm sorry, but I just couldn't leave her alone. You understand, don't you Sir?"
Just then Cassie comes wandering out, pale, but alive, and takes Sam's hand. "Don't be mad at her." Cassie whispers.
"I'm not mad sweetheart." I say, and I'm not sure which one I'm calling sweetheart. "It was just wrong of Captain Carter to stay down her. She could have been killed."
"She was staying with me. I didn't want to be alone. I'm sorry." Cassie says.
*****
Jack suddenly kneels down in front of Cassie, and speaks to her gently. "It's not your fault. And it's not hers. I'm not mad, promise."
"Besides." I say. "He stayed too. He was up top all the time."
"Why?" Cassie's asks.
Now there's a good question I hadn't dared ask.
*****
Damn, but Cassie's good. I'd forgotten just how insightful children can be. Why? Because I never leave a man in the field? Well, I've done that before, when the man has been beyond hope, and there was nothing I could do, and that was pretty much the situation here. Because I thought the bomb wouldn't go off? Yeah, but I could still have found that out from a faint distance.
"I don't know." I whisper back. "I just couldn't leave."
She stares at me, small and serious, then there's a sudden flash of understanding in those eyes, and she flings her arms round my neck, and whispers in my ear, "I know why. But it's a secret isn't it?"
*****
He just couldn't leave. I'm not sure why, and right now, I don't want to dig too deep into why. I just watch Cassie hugging Jack. He looks surprised, but happy, happier than I've seen him in a long time. They're whispering too each other, but when I ask what about, Cassie just giggles.
I look at Jack, but he just smiles.
*****
The elevator clunks again. Janet must be coming down. If I'm going to say anything, it has to be now. I put Cassie down, and turn to Carter. "Captain Carter." I say seriously.
"Sir?"
"Captain Carter, if you ever disobey one of my orders again, I will personally wring your neck!"
She smiles. Damn woman's never been afraid of me. I continue.
"Seriously Sam. Don't ever put me through what I've just been through again. I've lost a lot of good men, and I really don't want to lose you too."
She stares into my eyes. Why had I never realised before exactly how blue those eyes are, how intense her gaze is? "I promise not to do it again." she says seriously. "And I promise, one day, I'll pay you back for staying when you thought we would all die."
We stand there a second, gazing into each others eyes, the world a million miles away, surrounded by silence and emotion. The elevator arrives. The moment's broken.
*****
Well, not wasn't the worst telling off I've ever had. Except for that bit when he told me about the men he'd lost. He looked so anguished when he said that, that my heart twisted. I suddenly felt very guilty for making him feel that anguish again. That's why I made the promise. I understand now what it cost him to see me disappear into the earth with a living, breathing bomb, and not come back up again. I'll find a way to do the same for him one day. The doors of the elevator open and Daniel rushes out, and gives me a big hug.
*****
Lucky Daniel. I wish I could have done that. I can't though. Colonel's don't hug Captains. They'll always be that barrier between us, that barrier of rank and regulations. They'll never be a situation where it'll be alright for me to hug my second-in-command. All I'll ever be able to do is make sure she's never out of my sight again, if I can. Besides, what I saw in her eyes was friendship yes, affection too, but not love. Not love.
*****
I can see him over Daniel's shoulder as I hug him. He looks a little sad and alone, and I suddenly realise just how much I scared him. It's good that he cares for his team that much, but I really have to make sure I don't do that to him again.
*****
It's probably all for the best that she doesn't know. Could have made things very awkward. Still, there's nothing I can do about the way I feel about her. I'll just have to hide it the best way I can. But however hard I try, I know there's times when I smile at her, and all my love just shows in my eyes for one split second. Like when Cassie was showing her the dog. I smiled at her, and I suddenly realised that everything I felt for her was clear, right then in my eyes, if only she would look.
*****
It was nice of him, buying her the dog. I think he misses having a child around. Hopefully Cassie will make up for that. I can't help getting the feeling though, that something indefinable has changed between us. I'm not sure what it is, but as Cassie showed me the dog, he smiled at me, and there was something in his eyes, something I couldn't quite understand.
The End.
Story Notes: EMAIL; MBIRKY@HOTMAIL.COM
CATEGORY; MISSING SCENE
RATING; PG
SPOILERS; SINGULARITY
ARCHIVE; SAM AND JACK, HELIOPOLIS PLEASE
AUTHOR'S NOTES; ***** INDICATES CHANGE OF CHARACTER TELLING THE STORY
CATEGORY; MISSING SCENE
RATING; PG
SPOILERS; SINGULARITY
ARCHIVE; SAM AND JACK, HELIOPOLIS PLEASE
AUTHOR'S NOTES; ***** INDICATES CHANGE OF CHARACTER TELLING THE STORY
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]