The night’s cool breeze gently ruffles my hair, inducing goosebumps on my arms. But I don’t care.
The breeze is my companion on this cold and lonely night. I came up here to think; to remember.
Remember how she helped me live again, how she made me feel so secure in the fact that she was always there for me, saving my butt, ready to explain her science stuff to me. Saving her special smile for me.
But now…she’s marrying. Another guy, I have no idea what his name is or what he looks like, but if she’s letting him marry her then he must be a great guy. I just can’t bring myself to like him.
When she told us she had met a guy, I thought: she’ll give him up, she likes her little reactor too much to spend time with a guy. I can’t count the number of times she’s turned me down for fishing trips, poker nights, bar nights…the list goes on.
But she kept on going out with him, I guess it’s my fault, really. I’m the one who ordered her to get a life. But that was one order I never expected her to follow.
December 15th. The big day. I don’t know if I really want to be there, but I guess I should go. It’d look odd if I wasn’t there to make a big speech and embarrass her.
That’s what best men are supposed to do, after all. I still don’t believe she did it. But she said that the guy she’s marrying knows a lot about me and she asked me for him. I wonder how he knows so much about me? It’s not like my details are available to anyone with a computer. They are pretty classified. Not even my own team could look at them without special clearance.
The breeze brushes over me again; it’s getting cold out here. I suppose I had better go back in. Her engagement party is going on in the house below me, my house. I’ll have to face everyone. Watch them whispering that there’s the guy who loved her. Yeah…that’s the one. The one she ain’t marrying.
I don’t want their pity. I don’t want them staring at me. I don’t want Daniel asking me if I’m ok with this every time I turn around.
Daniel keeps telling me I should tell her how I feel. But I can’t do that. She’s happy with this guy. I have no right to wreck their happiness.
I turn and start climbing down the ladder to the top floor, and see Sam standing there. Eyes wide open, excited.
"I was wondering where you had got to," she says softly. Smiling slightly, not *the* smile…but a smile all the same.
"Well, you know. Just needed some fresh air," I reply, watching her.
"Can I talk to you for a sec?" she asks, hesitantly.
"Yeah, sure," I reply, wondering what she could possibly want to talk to me about. I know what I’d like it to be, but it could never be.
"Can we go up to look at the stars?" she asks. Then without waiting for my answer, she starts climbing up the ladder. I follow, still thinking about what she could possibly want to talk to me about.
She leans on the railing, and stares up at the stars, finding the same kind of solitude that I have often found.
"Sir, I…" she stops, trying to find the words she needs to speak what she needs to say. Then suddenly, as if she has burst. "Sir, I need to know…if marrying Peter is right. I really love him and all, but no one seems to like him. They talk to him, tolerate him. But sometimes I think it’s as if it’s only because I’m there." She stops to grab a breath. Why did she come to me with this? I can’t help her. She can only do what she wants.
"Sir, what I think I really need to know…is if you’re all fine with this, I guess," she says, exasperatedly, as if she can’t find the right words.
"Well…" I start slowly, trying to sort out my emotions. I know what I want to tell her, to hell with this Peter guy, but he makes her happy. She deserves someone who can make her happy.
"I think you can only do what you really want to do. If you love him, and you want to be with him, you should definitely go ahead with the marriage. But…if you really don’t feel you could stay with him, then leave." Well…I have no idea where that came from. But it must have been the right things to say because she’s smiling at me now.
"Thanks, Sir. I knew I could count on you. The others just seem so distant from him, like they don’t really like him or something. But I knew you liked him. Thanks, Sir." She gives me a quick hug and turns to go back down the ladder.
"You coming, Sir?" she yells back up when she’s all the way down.
"I’ll be down soon, Carter," I yell back down.
She’s obviously started moving, because the next thing I hear is a distant "K".
She trusts me. She thought I could help her. She thinks I like this guy.
She really loves Peter.
I sigh, knowing that I can never have her, and remember a small quote I read one day.
"I will hate the man you marry, Because he is not me, And like him if he makes you smile."
I guess that that’s true here.
I start heading down the ladder again, ready now to face the crowds. It won’t bother me now, to see them whisper and point. I did the right thing, and she trusts me. That alone is enough to take me through life, knowing that she knew she could trust me.
**********
That's all folks :) I hope you liked it.
And remember...feedback is great...
cya :) *~Becca~*
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Visit my homepage: http://www.angelfire.com/scifi/SG13/
"Insanity is in the eye of the beholder. Does this mean that if I think I'm insane then I am???" - From my Mind (scary place isn't it :) )
IM me: beccaboo737 or popcornboo737 :)
Story Notes: AUTHOR: Becca (yuna_ezri@yahoo.com)
CATEGORY: S/J angst, Sam/Other
SPOILERS: none
SEASON: up to you
ARCHIVE: SJA, Heliopolis, my site, others only have to ask :) I don't bite
AUTHORS NOTES: Thanks so much, Kat for the beta. And warnings all others: this made Bryn cry so be warned.
CATEGORY: S/J angst, Sam/Other
SPOILERS: none
SEASON: up to you
ARCHIVE: SJA, Heliopolis, my site, others only have to ask :) I don't bite
AUTHORS NOTES: Thanks so much, Kat for the beta. And warnings all others: this made Bryn cry so be warned.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]