Stolen Moments
It was past midnight, the eerie glow of the lights in the infirmary told him that. Footsteps echoed in the quietness of the room as the SF's patrolled the hallway.
While recuperating from the effects of the Goa'uld Sarcophagus and the events that led up to his capture, Jack had time to reflect on his experience. Pondering on how different his life would've been if he'd never been rescued, the thought of going through all that again brought shivers down his spine. It was one experience he'd never wish on anyone.
Lost in thought and memories, he closed his eyes in quiet contemplation recalling his reasons why he decided to blend with a symbiote when he'd been adamant that, that would be the one thing in his life that he'd never do. A smile played lightly on his lips at the memory before he gently fell asleep once more.
Standing at the entrance to the infirmary, Sam toyed with the idea of seeing he was all right. She knew he would be, physically, but emotionally... that was another matter. It had been difficult for her when Jolinar had died, and she'd been left with all these memories and feelings that she'd never experienced before. *But*, it had been different for the Colonel, he'd been abused by his symbiote, and while not dissimilar to her own experiences, there were subtle differences that made his joining unique.
//Just a small peak to make sure he's okay. What harm could it do? // Sam thought.
Sneaking in, she quietly shut the door behind her. Tiptoeing towards him she noticed his eyes were closed; he looked so peaceful. It was funny she noted; all the lines of stress and worry seemed to have abated while he slept. He looked so fragile lying in the bed, and her heart skipped a beat as all her emotions came rushing towards the surface. Her feelings towards him had escalated when she'd found out he was missing. But, now that he'd been returned she'd expected her feelings to go back into the dark recess of her mind.. Unfortunately, they had other things planned for her and refused to retreat. Obviously her subconscious mind had come up with some nefarious plan to force her to confront her feelings about him... once and for all.
Shakily, she moved along side the edges of his bed, lightly tapping the covers with uncertainty.
As he slept, Jack unconsciously sensed the approach of someone familiar coming near him. A sweet smell of perfume filtered through his nose and he inhaled deeply forcing himself to return to the land of the living.
Sam, resisting the urge to stroke his forehead, felt a pang of guilt at seeing him lying there like this. She felt as if it was all her fault; his acceptance of the symbiote, his capture and subsequent incarceration at the hands of Baal... All of these events played heavily on her mind. Lost in thought she failed to see him opening his eyes as she whispered, "I'm sorry."
"Sam." Jack asked softly.
Startled by the sound of his voice, she stepped back a little. "Sir, I didn't mean to wake you."
"I wasn't really sleeping anyway." Jack lied, sensing her discomfort. "It's late, shouldn't you be in bed?"
"Is that an offer?" Sam asked cheekily, hoping to brighten his spirits for her sake as much as his. Knowing that she was teetering on the edge of breaking the regs, she realised that she didn't care. He knew it was a light-hearted comment and took it as such. So much so, his eyes twinkled at her playfulness; and in true O'Neill fashion he couldn't let it pass by.
"That depends... are you accepting?" Jack answered coyly thoroughly enjoying this moment with her. It wasn't often he got to see her flirting with him, and he missed it. Things around the SGC had been pretty tense recently, and neither one of them had much to smile about lately, particularly with Daniel recently ascended.
"Maybe...do you have your sidearm hidden in there?" Sam continued jokingly; a hint of a smile starting at the corner of her mouth.
Rewarded with one of Jack's most endearing smiles he replied, "Hey, those one liners are coming on really well, Sam. Have you been practicing while I've been away?"
Sam smiled in response, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. Jack knew then that this hadn't been just a simple social call in the middle of the night.
"So..." Jack started slowly, "How come you're not sleeping?"
"Couldn't sleep, too much going on in my mind." Sam replied honestly, shrugging her shoulders.
"I know the feeling. Have you tried sleeping with a hospital gown on? This thing keeps...riding up. Not the most comfortable nightwear I've worn."
Sam smiled softly; she'd missed his humour and the fact that he could melt her heart in an instant.
"You okay?"
Surprised at his question, she shook her head laughed slightly, "Here *you* are, lying in a hospital bed, and you're asking if *I'm* okay?"
"Sure, you seemed a bit melancholy before."
"I did?" Sam replied, stalling while she could think of a better explanation.
"Yeah, I was worried."
"I'm all right." Sam answered shuffling her feet from nervous energy. "It's just that...well..." Unsure of how to put her words into context, she found herself stammering, and not for the first time. Lapsing into silence, she debated whether to tell him about her feelings of guilt. Uncertainty masked with unanswered questions filtered through her. "Honestly?"
Jack nodded softly, sitting up fully. Now he was worried. It wasn't often she let him know or hear her insecurities. He knew her inside and out all her faults, all the good and bad decisions she'd made in her time since joining the SGC. *But*, very rarely did he get to see this side of her; the vulnerable uncertain aspect of her psychet made him feel very protective of her.
"Seeing you, lying here like this, knowing what you went through with Kanan hurts me, and I feel... guilty."
"I don't understand? Why would you feel guilty?"
"Because, you were forced into doing something that went against your whole belief system. I knew you were dead against blending with the Tok'ra symbiote, but I feel as if I forced you into a corner."
"Sam..." Patting the side of the bed, he silently gestured for her to hop up and sit with him. He wanted her to know, needed her to know his reasons. He didn't want her feeling guilty for the choices he made. There were so many things he wanted to say to her, some were more important than others. Right now though, she needed to hear this. "When you came to see me in the infirmary, asking me to do the whole 'snake in the head thing' I wasn't all there... if you know what I mean?"
"But that's what I mean, you weren't in any state to..."
"Sam, let me finish, please."
Nodding in reply she kept her eyes transfixed on his face, and didn't see his hand drift towards hers. His subtle touch made her stomach flip in response, she felt as if her body was tingling. Her heartbeat quickened at the pleasant sensations running through her body. Unconsciously, she rubbed her thumb along the side of his hand. It wasn't a big gesture, but it brought both of them some comfort. And, for a moment she forgot where she was, and how inappropriate this was.
"When you asked me to go with the Tok'ra, I was prepared to die. I'd had a good life, I wasn't afraid of dying. *But*, there was something in your eyes, that made me have second thoughts. When you held my hand, I felt as if time had stopped, that it was just you and me. No ranks or regulations, no Air Force or SG-1, it was just *us*. I chose to go with the Tok'ra not because of what you said, but what you didn't say."
Sam frowned with uncertainty.
"Your eyes tend to say more to me than the words you speak. Someone once said that the eyes are the windows to your soul. When I looked into yours that day, I saw my past, present and future all rolled into one. *And* you know what? " Jack answered honestly. He knew the risks of his confession to her, and it surprised him that he didn't care of the consequences, which his words might bring. He'd cheated death so many times in his life that he knew there would come a time when his luck would run out, and he didn't want her to go on with her life without knowing the truth.
Stunned by his revelation, her breathing became shaky and she replied breathlessly, "What?"
"I knew then that I never wanted to let you go."
Sam didn't know what to say, she was completely taken aback by his honesty. For years she wondered if she'd made the right decision in telling him that 'none of this has to leave the room'. She'd glimpsed into his heart that day, and saw and heard how he really felt about her. Now though, that was a distant memory, they'd both gone through things in their life since that day, sometimes that meant going their separate ways, but ultimately they both new in their hearts, they would be together. *And*, if that meant waiting for a time...so be it, he was worth waiting for.
"Wow." Sam smiled, not sure what else to say.
Unexpectedly, Jack laughed heartily then smiled his most brilliant smile.
"What, what did I say?" Sam asked joining in his laughter. She didn't have a clue what he was laughing at, but his grin was infectious, and she couldn't stop herself.
"Oh Sam." Jack said softly calming himself down. "You are the most intelligent and articulate women I've met in my entire life. You can talk the talk and walk the walk. You have my head in a spin when you go into "technobable" mode, and... well, it's nice to know that I can reduce your vocabulary down to one word in one shot."
Grinning in delight, she swatted his arm playfully. It was then she realised that no matter what obstacles where placed between them. they'd get through it...together.
Finis
Story Notes: Spoilers - Abyss and Frozen and a baby one for Meridian.
Thanks to Beth (Stargate1971) for reading it for me and deciding on a title...what can I say I had brain freeze, lol. So, thanx hon ;O)
Thanks to Beth (Stargate1971) for reading it for me and deciding on a title...what can I say I had brain freeze, lol. So, thanx hon ;O)
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]