Tangible Evidence
Sam had noticed for a little while now that Daniel was acting strangely towards her. She would find him looking at her in the most peculiar way, and he seemed to be avoiding their usual banter on missions; even nervous about talking to her. It was all very odd. Wondering what she had done to upset him, she was determined to have it out once and for all. She couldn't let whatever it was to continue unchecked; it was starting to get to her and affect her work. Daniel was her friend and she had to talk to him, even if it meant facing something difficult.
This was why she had ended up in his office in the first place. She paused at the door when she saw the whole place looked a mess. There were artefacts strewn everywhere; floor, desk, in fact every available space seemed to be covered. They were not due on any missions for a couple of days and Daniel must have decided to do… something. So she beamed brightly at him from the door.
"Having a spring clean a little early Daniel?"
Daniel jumped with surprise that she stood there and started mumbling at her.
"Um, Sam! Um, come in. S…Sorry about the, um, mess. Um, I…I was just sorting…"
As she got close to him, Sam failed to notice one of the artefacts on the floor and tripped. Daniel reached to stop her fall and she ended up tangled in his arms. Sam looked into his eyes and saw, again, something that was unfamiliar to her, or at least unfamiliar coming from him; something she could not recall seeing in his face until fairly recently. She looked at him curiously as she extricated herself from the tangle.
"What is it Daniel? What's wrong? You've been acting weird towards me for a while now. What have I done to upset you?"
"I…I…I...what do you mean, Sam?"
"Don't tell me you don’t know what I'm talking about, Daniel. I thought I saw… I thought... I saw something, in your eyes, just now. For a little while now. And you seem to be avoiding me."
She sighed in frustration at not being able to express herself properly. She thought she knew what she saw, but wasn't possible. This was Daniel. She must be mistaken.
"Oh." Said Daniel, simply. Clearly he was nervous, as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, and fiddled with them as he often did when he was ill at ease.
"Daniel?"
Daniel sighed as if in resignation that he should confess all.
"You really don't know, do you?"
"What? What don't I know Daniel? If I've done something wrong, I want to fix it"
She studied him, thinking she saw the look again. She definitely recognised it, but couldn't possibly be right. It was Daniel. He said nothing for a while, just shifting uncomfortably under her gaze, but continuing to stare nonetheless.
"Know what, Daniel?"
She was determined he wouldn't wheedle out of telling her. Daniel looked at his feet and muttered.
"How I feel about you. Um… that my feelings for you have changed." His face suffused with pink as he spoke.
"What? I… Oh! Oh my god!"
She had been right, but still couldn't believe it. The look in his eyes had been one that spoke of wanting something more than just friendship from her. Daniel? She was stunned. She has always thought of him as a friend; almost like a younger brother. Never would she have believed that he harboured feelings of a romantic or sexual nature towards her. She didn't know what to say. Daniel shifted uncomfortably.
"Sorry. I should never have said that. Sorry!"
He backed away from her, suddenly feeling even more vulnerable now that it had been spoken. He was fully aware that Sam did not reciprocate those feelings and was cursing himself for saying it. He should have lied and thought of something different to use as an excuse to Sam for his recent behaviour.
"Why didn't you ever say anything Daniel?"
"You always only had eyes for Jack, that much is pretty obvious." Daniel looked slightly pained. Sam turned a darker shade of red and wondered if it were that obvious to everyone or just to Daniel because they were all so close. She turned away, not able to bear the look on Daniel's face. Her eyes pricked with tears as she thought about how hurt Daniel must feel, and she contemplated how it might affect their friendship - and the team.
"I'm sorry." What else could she say? "I'm so sorry. I never guessed, never imagined."
"I guess I never really intended for you to find out. It's only just… I dunno… hit me over the last couple of weeks. It’s all pretty weird, Sam. I… I…" Sam turned back to look at him as he shrugged helplessly, appearing embarrassed.
"Daniel, we've always been friends. Like brother and sister or something. I…I don’t know how to react to this."
Daniel was getting more embarrassed, and redder, by the minute. Sam didn't have a clue what to do or say. Daniel? She was still shocked by the revelation. So that was what all those strange looks were about? She wasn't surprised she hadn't picked up the message they were sending to her. This was Daniel. Although she might have recognised that look, she never would have anticipated it from him.
Now Colonel O'Neill, that was another matter entirely. Thinking about him only made her feel worse. She knew what it was like to want something, someone, you couldn't have; who was out of reach. Poor Daniel. He knew how she felt about Jack. It must be pretty awful for him if he felt like that about her. How would she like it if Jack was so obviously crazy about someone else right there in front of her? She had an inkling of how that felt after the Laira incident. That had been a long time ago and her feelings for O'Neill were now stronger, and better formed; it would be so much worse if that happened now.
"Look Sam, it just… happened… all of a sudden… out of the blue. Believe me; I’m as surprised as you are."
Sam pondered this, wondering if something had happened on a mission; maybe some alien virus that had escaped attention at the usual post-mission medical. It was all wrong, and definitely not like Daniel. The very thought of her and Daniel as a couple was preposterous. She firmly believed that he knew that too, despite the puppy dog eyes that revealed something else.
Sam thought about how she should handle it and came to a rather risky conclusion. Walking over to Daniel, she raised her hand to touch his cheek. He looked surprised.
"Kiss me Daniel."
"W…what?" He stammered, looking perplexed.
"Kiss me."
She moved her lips towards his thinking that if he wouldn't do it, she would. His lips met hers and they kissed, tongues and all, Daniel pulling her closer towards him.
**************
At that moment, as the fates would have it, Jack O'Neill just happened to be dropping by for his daily 'go bug Daniel' ritual. He froze at the door, open mouthed, unable to believe what he saw. His heart lurched into his mouth. Move, Jack, move, he willed himself. Despite that his legs felt like jello, Jack managed to get himself away from Daniel's office and around the corner after what seemed like an eternity. Leaning against the wall, he took a deep breath. Then lots more of them. Having returned to it's rightful place, his heart hammered hard, and he could feel the blood suffusing his face. Totally shocked, he was shaky and nauseous, trying to digest what he'd just witnessed.
Sam and Daniel? That thought had never even crossed his mind. He'd considered them like brother and sister together, and had believed they did too. Sam was his. Crap! Patently she wasn't his. Daniel? God! Sam and Daniel? He was so stunned that his thought processes were jumbled. Daniel was his friend, for crying out loud. How could he do this? How could she? Sam knew damned well how he felt about her. Didn't she? Obviously she no longer reciprocated those feelings they had confessed all that time ago. How the hell could he have missed that happening?
As for Daniel, he surely knew how Jack felt about Sam? Jack had never said anything specific about it to him. Although Daniel was a close friend, he just didn't talk to people about stuff like that; not even Daniel. It had never occurred to Jack that Daniel might not realise; might not have noticed. He tried to keep it hidden, but knew it must be crystal clear sometimes; how could it not be? Even Hammond knew Jack felt something special about Sam. Surely Daniel couldn't be quite that unobservant.
Pulling himself together sufficiently to get back to his office, he cursed and raged inwardly about both of them. He didn’t even realise he knew that many expletives. How could they do this? Why hadn't they at least told him? Maybe they thought he'd totally flip and beat up Daniel, or something. However tempting that prospect was, Jack wouldn't do it. Rant and rave, maybe, but Jack O'Neill knew where to draw the line; normally, anyway. Perhaps if it were someone other than Daniel it might be different. Although if Sam had made a choice, what right did he have? It was really none of his business. Besides, she'd probably thump him.
They might have neglected to tell him because they were worried he would break up the team over it. Although he hated that idea, he was uncertain how he would live or deal with this. How do you face a close friend having a relationship with the woman you care about more than almost anything? How to watch them happy while you mourn the loss inside? He couldn’t bear to lose both his friend, and Sam.
It was a conundrum that Jack had no answer for. Too many questions poured into his mind. They were chaotically leaping around in there and confusing the hell out of him. He had to get out of the mountain and home. No way was it a good idea for him to stay here right now. He had to get his head cleared sufficiently to let him get home.
He tried to temporarily block it all from his mind as much as possible, which was no easy task, but his military persona kicked in; he would handle it. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d needed to bite back hard to stop his emotions overwhelming him. He was trained for it; used to it. It was as much a part of him as breathing. On the other hand, he was only human with human failings just like the next guy. He was far from perfect, god damn it! Having got his full faculties into gear, he called Hammond about going home, and managed to get to his truck and off the base.
********
If he'd been able to bear watching for a while longer, he would have seen Sam and Daniel pull away from each other, look each other in the eye, and then burst out laughing.
"Well, I must admit, it didn't do anything for me." Said Daniel, through the laughter.
Sam had rather hoped it might have that effect. She didn't believe that kissing Daniel would feel right; it really would be like kissing her own brother. Yuck! That idea certainly held no appeal for her. She had gambled that, if they kissed, Daniel would feel the same as her; realise that he didn't feel that way about her after all and, perhaps, there was some external influence at work. It seemed to work, at least in part. Now to figure out what the heck had made Daniel think like that?
"What was I thinking?" Daniel said. "Am I going nuts or something?"
"Well, thanks for the compliment, Daniel." Sam retorted, feigning umbrage.
"Sam, I'm serious! What the hell made me think that, when clearly we just demonstrated that it's probably THE dumbest thing I have ever imagined?"
"Maybe your hormones are playing up." Sam said, cheekily.
"Maybe I just need to get laid." Replied Daniel, grinning sheepishly, and Sam laughed again.
Somehow, the whole situation had been diffused by that kiss although it still bothered Sam that Daniel had been thinking along those lines in the first place. Right now Daniel could no longer even believe he had been thinking like that and wished he'd dreamed up that kiss thing. To have done that a while ago might have saved him a lot of anguish. He guessed he'd work it out eventually.
"Maybe you ought to report to the infirmary." Sam said, more seriously now.
"You think something happened to me off world that could account for this?"
"When you're dealing with alien planets and artefacts, who knows? It wouldn’t the first time we'd had our minds bent in some way by something we've picked up out there."
"Artefacts? Maybe that's it. Let me think about it more Sam, before I go reporting to the infirmary, ok?"
The idea that this might get into an official report appalled him. What would Jack think? He'd probably punch him in the nose; beat him to a bloody pulp. He remembered how Jack had reacted towards him when touched with that Broca effect virus. He might have been affected by a virus, but Daniel figured that Jack's feelings about Sam had genuinely developed a lot since then; he wouldn't take too kindly to thinking something was going on between him and Sam.
So, before he took the step of reporting this, Daniel needed to do his own investigations. If he could confirm that something had happened to him, at least he would have an excuse. Falling for the woman your best friend was crazy about did not seem like the sort of thing a best friend should do to a guy.
**********
Jack had efficiently switched himself off from everything he was feeling to enable him to get home without having an accident. Once there, he started to mull it all over again. Daniel and Sam? He still found it hard to believe. The two people he cared most about in the world, aside from Teal'c. He felt deflated and seriously let down.
Sipping at his beer, he began to think that Daniel was much better suited to Sam than he was. They were both extremely intelligent; way better educated than he was. They had doctorates, and more letters after their names than he could count. When they worked together to solve a problem you could almost see the sparks flying out of their brains.
Come to think of it, they were both good looking young people. They looked pretty great together and chattered away amiably for hours on end, often about things that Jack would never understand, and probably wouldn't want to.
What did he and Sam have in common? Almost zilch. They were on the same team, both Air Force officers, and had worked together for years. Sure…that really helped! It was all he could think of, and amounted to virtually nothing. They both liked jello, and cake. Oh yeah, and pizza. A great basis for a long term relationship. On the other hand, he could think of a huge, honkin' list of things that he and Sam didn't have in common, or disagreed about. Also, lots of stuff about him, his personality and actions, which obviously irked her. It depressed him.
Sam and Daniel were both more open than he was, although he figured that wouldn't be too hard. He was pretty hopeless at that and it had cost him dearly before now. They could express their feelings better, and were generally much more agreeable and pleasant than him. They were inclined to make nice with folks and see the best in them, while he was almost entirely the opposite. They were the diplomatic, tactful types whose first instinct was to communicate rather than point a gun. He, however, was pretty expert at putting his big feet right in it, and at pointing guns. Let’s face it, most of their allies were allies because Sam and Daniel had made it so, or persuaded him to stifle his own, much baser, instincts.
Sure, this had also got them into trouble more than once. Like that time when the computer entity had taken over Sam's mind, for instance. If they had listened to him, none of that would have happened; but, no, they had insisted on being curious and communicating with the damned thing.
He still shuddered to think of what he had been forced to do as a result. He had been choice less. It was down to sacrificing someone he cared about, or saving the planet. A man should never have to make that choice. God knows, he didn't want to hurt Sam, but he did it anyway. Hated it, but did it. It had been one of the hardest things he'd ever done and the memory of it still provoked feelings that he'd prefer remain buried. He pondered that for a while as he got another beer, then got back to the subject at hand.
He should have realised sooner that nothing was ever going to happen between he and Sam. It was doomed to failure. He loved her, god yes, but the whole thing was stupid beyond belief. Apart from anything else, Daniel was much closer to Sam's age. When Jack had joined the Air force she'd just been a small child! He was almost old enough to be her father, if he's been that precocious, and he had. Oh boy had he!
What could she possibly see in an old has-been like him? Jack knew he was getting old and beginning to look it. He might have been considered pretty hot stuff when he was younger but now he was just grumpy, cynical and old. Sam was far from any of that. Any cynicism she felt had probably been picked up from working with him; good old Jack O'Neill. He'd seen and done too many distasteful things for his country and that often made him a difficult man to be around. How could he ever expect to make her happy? Why would Sam want to be around a guy like him?
It still wasn't too late for her. She could get a life, find happiness. Clearly it was too late for him, though. He'd screwed up his best shot; his only shot. He wasn't really sure how or why, just that he'd screwed it up somehow. He had thought there was something to look forward to in his future. Now it seemed that there wasn't. Expectations and hopes had just flown right out of the window and he felt forlorn and very alone. Without her he would become a curmudgeon. For crying out loud… he already was a curmudgeon!
He kept thinking that it wasn't fair that he had lost it all. Then again, life is unfair. You just have to accept it and move on. That's what he had to do. He had to forget her, forget that Daniel was probably holding her in his arms at that very moment. However, could he either forget or move on? It wasn't in his nature to do either of those things very easily.
He had held the torch for Sam for a very long time; had powerful feelings for her. They were not just going to go away. That she was with Daniel just made it harder. It would be rubbed in his face all day, everyday. Maybe it was time to think about retiring again. He wasn't sure he could face them day in day out knowing what he now knew.
Accept it and move on. The words echoed in his head. Screw them! Screw everyone! He was going to go out and get laid. Why the hell shouldn't he? Some woman out there would want him, he was pretty sure of that, even if the one he really wanted didn't.
His heart wrenched at the thought, and he took a deep breath to quell his self doubt. He'd been good at picking up woman, once. Sure, he was a little rusty, but he'd find someone, even if it was only a poor substitute for the real thing. Even if it was just a one night stand; some temporary gratification and comfort. He could certainly do with the comfort. Yeah, get laid, that's what he would do.
**********
Daniel and Sam worked together to solve the puzzle presented to them. They both loved puzzles. Then Daniel remembered a fairly recent accident involving an artefact. It was a glass vial filled with liquid and it had broken in his hands when he picked it up. The glass had cut his hand and liquid within splattered all over him. Sam had been there. They hadn't thought that much of it at the time. Daniel needed a couple of stitches in his hand and the doc had run some tests; he'd seemed fine.
He recalled that it was around that time that these strange feelings had developed for Sam. First some physical symptoms, similar to those of a love sick teenager, followed closely by emotional ones. The way Sam and Daniel figured it, the vial had contained something akin to the love potion of fairy tales. It entered Daniel's bloodstream through the cut, affecting his chemical balance, hormones, something; this had influenced his mental state. They weren't sure of all the details yet, but had gone to the infirmary to have Daniel checked out. Janet would probably never have missed anything, but Dr Parker was relatively new, and may have.
They were pretty convinced that their theory was correct; both relieved in very different ways. Daniel was pissed because the doc wanted him to stay in the infirmary until the results came through the following morning. After keeping Daniel company for a while, Sam decided to call it a night. After the events of the day, she needed a drink.
**********
Jack was on his eighth bar and no woman had caught his eye. Face it Jack, he thought, you were deluding yourself that you could do this. Just get drunk; drown your sorrows in a bucket of JDs.
The wounds were too open and raw. Sam! The dull ache inside had turned into an intense throb; he couldn't stop thinking about it. When had he become such an obsessive freak? He damned himself for letting go of something so important to him. Ordering another drink, he scanned the bar again for a likely victim, but his heart really wasn't in it.
Minutes later, she walked in. He couldn't believe his eyes. She looked hot; slender legs that reached the heavens, perfectly shaped breasts, clothes that fit tightly in the all right places. Her blonde hair framed a beautiful face that was graced with the kind of big blue eyes that he would die for. She smiled breathtakingly at the barman as she approached.
"Hi Harry."
"Hey, Sam, how you doing?" The barman responded as if she came here every day.
What the hell was she doing here? 'Of all the gin joints in all the towns and she had to walk into mine…' He thought, and chuckled to himself. How ironic. It appeared that it was actually her gin joint, and it was him that was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sometimes he figured he had a warped sense of humour that he should find such a thing funny.
"Hey Carter, how you doing?" He almost echoed the barman's greeting.
Sam froze, and then turned hastily towards him.
"Colonel O'Neill?"
It spooked her. She'd thought about him a lot that day, what with the Daniel thing and all. What the hell was he doing in this place? Surely it was a bit outside of his normal stomping ground?
"This your local, Carter?" Sam heard something wrong in his tone, but couldn't identify it.
"Hardly local sir. But I come in here sometimes, yes. Shoot pool with the guys at the back. What are you doing here sir? It’s a bit off the beaten track for you isn't it?"
"I just came out to get myself laid, actually Major. If it's any of your business, that is." His tone was spiteful and bitter. Sam was taken aback by both that, and what he said. Get laid? He was looking for a woman? Someone that wasn't her? She felt her heart ripping open at the notion.
"Oh!" She managed to pipe up. "Perhaps I'd better leave then."
"Probably me who should leave, Carter. There's no one here worth laying." It was said viciously; a punch in the gut for Sam.
Sam could tell he was slightly drunk, more than slightly, maybe. His speech was a little slurred and he would never normally have said something like that to her. Was he deliberately trying to upset and provoke her? Goad her in some way? She wondered what she had done to deserve his ill will.
"Apart from you, maybe, Major. You worth laying? Fancy giving your CO the once over, Carter? A quickie in the back of my truck, perhaps?" There was nothing flirtatious in his tone; he had a nasty leer on his face and malice on his lips. Sam was hurt and angry.
"How dare you?" And she slapped him round the face before even considering what she was doing, her reaction affected by her heartbreak. Jesus, he could court martial her for that. She turned and walked out of the bar, leaving Jack alone again.
The slap brought Jack to his senses. Crap! What was he doing? What was he saying? Alienating one of his best friends was not one of his brightest ideas. He didn't have that many friends. So he got up from the bar stool and went after her. He had to apologise. He caught up with her just outside.
"Sam!"
"Look, Colonel. I don't know what the hell is wrong with you, but just leave me out of it, ok?" She turned away from him.
"But it’s you that’s wrong with me Sam." His voice was no longer spiteful; he spoke in a low, soft tone that was filled with pain. It stopped her in her tracks and she turned back to face him.
"What?"
Jack sighed then took a deep breath. He normally could handle almost anything, but this…? He had to dig deep to find his courage.
"I saw you and Daniel kissing today." Sam blanched.
"Jack…" He held his hands up to stop her speaking.
"Shhh. Sam, I understand. Really I do. It's ok. It'll have to be ok." He shrugged as if it didn't matter but Sam could see plainly that it did.
"Jack…"
"He's much better for you than I could ever be. Don't think I don't know that. I'll get over it. Ok?" Knowing that he never would.
"Jack…"
The bar door opened and Harry appeared, looking menacingly at Jack. Sam couldn't believe his poor timing. It was sweet of him to be protective of her, but…
"Sam? Is this guy bothering you?" He enquired.
"It's ok, Harry. He's a friend. It's fine."
Harry stood for a moment longer to assure himself that she was telling the truth, then shrugged and returned to his bar. Sam turned her attention back to Jack. Instead of trying to speak, she moved closer and studied his face. His eyes bored into her, making her shiver. He looked pale, tired, and vulnerable.
"Jack, there's nothing going on between Daniel and I."
Jack looked sceptical, more inclined to believe the evidence of his own eyes. So Sam moved even closer and took his hand in hers.
"Really, there isn't, I promise. It’s a long story. Trust me Jack, please?"
He nodded, although she wasn't sure he was convinced. She thought about the kissing idea that she'd used with Daniel.
"Kiss me Jack." And she moved still closer.
"W… what?" His mouth stood open in surprise. She almost laughed that his reaction was identical to Daniel’s, but thought he might misconstrue that. She couldn’t allow him any room for misinterpretation; there’s been enough of that already and this was too important
"Kiss me."
It was a far cry from the kiss she had received from Daniel earlier; nothing in the least brotherly about it. The passion, the electrifying way it affected her, making her tingle all over. It equalled, even excelled, her anticipation and expectations.
For his part, Jack knew right then that this Sam and Daniel thing was just plain ridiculous. The kiss proved this to him in nearly the most tangible way possible. It made him feel alive and full of hope once more. She didn't need to explain anything. This was enough; none of that other stuff was important. The kiss was tangible evidence of their feelings for each other. Jack liked tangible evidence; it was a comfort to have proof positive, and this was it. Oh, boy was this it! He thought back to his vicious comment to Sam earlier, in the bar, about a quickie in the back of his truck, and reflected that maybe this had some possibilities after all.
/The End/
Story Notes: Spoilers: Broca Divide, 100 Days, Entity
Thanks again to Bonnie for all her hard work in betaing this fic. Despite her best efforts any errors are my own. Constructive feedback would be appreciated. There is a simply gorgeous photo manipulation by Jodi Marie illustrating the NC-17 version of this fic on my site.
An NC-17 version of this fic can be found on my website at
http://www.ficwithfins.com/su%20fics/NC17/Tangible%20Evidence%20NC-17.htm
Email: su_freund@ficwithfins.com
Website: http://www.ficwithfins.com/
Copyright (c) 2004 Su Freund
Thanks again to Bonnie for all her hard work in betaing this fic. Despite her best efforts any errors are my own. Constructive feedback would be appreciated. There is a simply gorgeous photo manipulation by Jodi Marie illustrating the NC-17 version of this fic on my site.
An NC-17 version of this fic can be found on my website at
http://www.ficwithfins.com/su%20fics/NC17/Tangible%20Evidence%20NC-17.htm
Email: su_freund@ficwithfins.com
Website: http://www.ficwithfins.com/
Copyright (c) 2004 Su Freund
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]