The Battle's Never Really Over
They weren't touching again.
It had been weeks since he'd even shown any interest in her and Sam was beginning to wonder what had happened to the loving husband that she'd always known. He'd been so caring, adoring, when they'd married, but the only time he could seem to stand to be around her these days was when they were with their children and they had to keep up the pretense of being the happy parents that the twins had always known.
Maybe he was bored, she mused, wide-awake in the dead of night. Maybe he didn't love her anymore, maybe he wanted to go back to Sara…..but she was married with a child herself now, he wouldn't do that to the other woman and Sam doubted that Sara would take him back even if he did ask.
There were too many damn `maybes' in their situation.
Had she done something wrong? Was she no longer what he wanted in a wife? She just wished that he'd talk to her, tell her what was wrong. If she knew, maybe she could fix it, get them back to the `happy place' that they'd been in.
Sighing, Sam turned and buried her face in the pillow.
They'd been happy once, completely in love. Even after the twins were born, they'd never lost the passion and romance that had inhabited their lives before their birth…..and what Sam wouldn't give to get that feeling back.
Naturally they'd had their fair share of arguments before, but the biggest fight that they'd ever had was when he'd found out that Sam had lied to him about the paternity of the twins, and even that fight had barely lasted a few hours.
It seemed only in the last three or so months that he had lost interest in her, and she retaliated in the only way she knew how, by fighting back. Their arguments were frequent and loud, and she wondered how long they could keep their children out of the mess that had become their marriage.
His quite snoring was the only way that she even knew he was in the bed with her. If Jack was any closer to the edge, then she feared that he'd be sleeping on the floor, not that he didn't deserve it.
If he still loved her, then he had a damn funny way of showing it.
She should have been sleeping, SG-1 was due to `Gate back to Edorra tomorrow for their secondary contact mission and she wanted to be rested so that she could test the Naquadah in their soils with a clear head, even if she did feel like she was completely alone in the bed.
***
Ooh, it's so typical
Love leads
To isolation
Phil Collins, Separate lives.
***
Sam opened her eyes slowly, the pounding in her head hadn't subsided and ever since the previous week when she'd lifted a heavy box in her lab and strained her back even further, getting out of bed was a real challenge.
She sighed, loathe to leave the warm spot that she'd found and created throughout the night, but she needed to move if she was going to ever get the kids to school on time.
Smiling at the thought of her beautiful little children, Sam listened to the sound of them fighting over who got to watch their cartoons for the morning.
Heidi and Jay- two Jack's had become too confusing and calling him `Little Jack' for the rest of his life was too demeaning in her opinion- didn't always get along, and they certainly weren't perfect, but they were her children and she loved them unconditionally.
When they'd started kindergarten almost six weeks before, Sam had been naturally worried that they wouldn't be able to settle in. As it turned out, she shouldn't have been concerned. They were both good in school and they loved it, even if they were stuck in the same class together.
Deciding that she really should get moving Sam rolled over to face the window, her arm searching the ground for her robe when she noticed the time.
"Shit," She cursed under her breath, jumping out of bed. She had to leave in just over ten minute's if she were to follow her morning routine of getting the kids to school and being at the base in time for the briefing.
She looked towards the other side of the bed, surprised to find that her husband was already up, and she reached over to feel the cold sheets, apparently he had been for a while.
She didn't even have time for a shower, barely enough time for coffee she realized with a groan, walking out of the bedroom to see Jack, sitting at the table, showered and dressed, reading the paper while the kids were continuing their argument in the living room over the television.
"You didn't wake me." She grumbled, pouring herself some coffee.
Jack barely looked up from the article that he was reading to acknowledge her. "Good morning to you too." He mumbled. "Thought you might like to sleep."
"I don't have the time Jack, you know we're going to Edora today!" She snapped.
"Mommy, what's Adora?" Heidi asked, munching on a piece of jam covered toast.
Sam bent down to kiss her daughter's head. "Remember I told you that your father and I were going away for a few days? Well, were going to a place called Edora. It's a little village, but we don't have time to talk about that now. You need to get your school bag, Daddy can drive you."
"Okay!" She sighed happily.
At the very least, Jack had the sense to wait until Heidi had left the room before he said anything. "Does `Daddy' get a say in this?"
"If you'd woken me up, or at the very least left my alarm on then I would have time to do it." She returned.
"I have paperwork to get done before we leave!"
Their voices were raising, Sam could feel her cheeks flaming with anger and she knew that it was only a matter of time before the children would be able to hear them. She hated it when the fought like this, mainly because she knew that the twins would no doubt be effected by their uncomfortable home life.
"I'm sorry that your children impose on your life so much!"
Jack shut the paper with anger. "Damn it Sam, how can you say that? You know how much I love those kids!"
Sam took several calming breaths before rinsing out her empty mug in the sink. "Did you at least pick up the clothes from the dry cleaners?" She asked.
"I didn't have time."
"God Jack I ask you to do *one* thing around this place and you can't even get that right!" She snapped.
What the hell was she supposed to wear to work now?
"I'm sorry oh perfect one….." Jack's tirade was interrupted by the sound of a little voice speaking up from the lounge room.
"Dad? Why are you yelling at Mom?" Jay asked, his eyes wide with fright.
"We're just disagreeing sport, nothin' to worry about." Jack smiled and stood, slipping his arms around Sam. They were both tense in the embrace, but Jay seemed to accept it.
"Honey, have you got your stuff ready for school?" Sam asked, trying to look relaxed in her husband's arms.
Thinking for a moment, Jay shook his head. "I'll go get my bag." He told them, leaving the room. The second he was out of their sight, Sam and Jack were out of each other's arms like they had been burned.
Was this how it was going to be between them forever, she wondered?
***
Sam winced as Janet pressed into her back.
Maybe it was a Doctor thing, Sam mused, but they all seemed to have the ability to pinpoint that one spot in her back that would send agony shooting through her. Even though she didn't go to physiotherapy anymore, Tony had been able to find that certain spot with out even looking at her back.
"Sorry honey," Janet soothed. "You know I have to do this."
She grit her teeth against the exclamation of pain that threatened to escape. "I know….it just hurts. A lot."
"I know, I still have a bruise from the last time." Janet grumbled. The previous time she'd had to do this to her best friend, Sam had unconsciously whipped around and hit her on the arm, quite hard.
Sam couldn't help but smile a little at the memory. "You know I didn't mean it."
"I know. I'm sorry that you had to miss the follow-up mission to Edora, I know you wanted to go." Janet told her.
"Yeah, well, Jack though it was best…..I mean, just because I couldn't even get my pack on without screaming doesn't mean I should be excluded from the mission, right?" She laughed a little, frustrated with the situation.
She'd had her accident almost seven years ago and her back still wasn't, and probably never would be, back to anything remotely resembling normal.
"How are things between the two of you?" Janet asked, aware that they had been having problems for a while. She shook her head in dismay, Sam and Jack were perfect for each other but it seemed that they were just drifting further and further apart.
"Not so good." Sam admitted with a sigh. "Jay heard us fighting this morning and we hugged to make it look like thing's were okay…..I swear to god Janet I would have rather hugged a Goa'uld than my own husband at that moment. What the hell is wrong with us?" She cried, frustration lacing her tone.
Janet continued the subtle massage on Sam's back in an effort to relax her tense muscles as she talked. "Have you talked to him lately?"
Sam cocked her head in confusion. "What do you mean? We talk everyday."
"But I mean *really* talk. You and Jack need to communicate a lot better, if you ask my opinion, which you did. You're out of sync with each other and it will tear you apart if you let it." She told her friend gently.
"You bill as a masseuse or a therapist?" Sam asked with a grin.
Janet laughed delightedly. "For you? Mate's rates."
"We haven't touched each other in months….we haven't kissed in so long…." Sam's voice had taken on a wistful tone and Janet had to wonder if her friend missed her usual companionship and compatibility with her husband, or just the physical side of their relationship.
"It's your five year anniversary in a few months," Janet reminded her, and Sam was too ashamed to admit that she'd forgotten all about it. "Why don't you seduce him?" She asked with an evil tone lacing her voice.
"Seduce him?" Sam repeated. "I don't think he'd want me even if I did." She admitted with a sigh.
"Sam, Jack loves you, no matter how your relationship may be at the moment. Don't worry, as it gets closer, you and I will go lingerie shopping and on the night I'll look after the twins. You know they love sleepover's with Megan." Janet grinned.
"Okay," Sam had to admit that the plan had potential.
Even if their relationship was in trouble, he was still a man, and wouldn't be stupid enough to refuse her in little or no clothing.
She hoped.
***
Daniel looked across at his friend, worried by what he saw.
Jack was openly flirting with Laira, and basking in her attentions.
Daniel couldn't help but wonder what the hell his friend was doing. He had a beautiful wife and two adorable children at home and he was risking it all to….what? Feel more wanted? Feel more loved? Get a few kicks while the missus was at home with the kids, looking after the house? He hoped that Jack's flirting was just innocent, but from what he could see, he doubted it.
Daniel was well aware that his best friends were having problems, both Jack and Sam had individually confided in him, but to see this was beyond a joke. He knew that they still loved one another, they had both told him so, and just because things were a little rough at home, he couldn't believe that Jack was willing to risk it all for a quick roll in the hay.
"That's it." He muttered in frustration, storming towards Jack in anger.
The large, Black, Hand suddenly appeared on his chest prevented him from moving anywhere. "I do not believe that you are considering a wise course of action."
"I'm not." He agreed. "Now get out of my way Teal'c."
"We should not interfere. He is merely talking to the native woman in an attempt to gain their friendship." Teal'c replied.
Daniel laughed ironically. "Oh yeah? Look at him."
Teal'c turned his head to see Jack's hand resting on Laira's arm, and he was smiling broadly at her as she blushed, obviously having just been paid a compliment. "I will dismember him on behalf of Samantha." The Jaffa growled.
"Maybe we shouldn't." Daniel told him and Teal'c turned to look sharply at the archeologist. "Maybe we should try a less direct approach."
"I believe you may be correct." The big man agreed. "O'Neill!" He called and waited until Jack excused himself from Laira's company to walk over to them.
"What's up guys?" He asked, grinning happily.
Teal'c stood tall, demanding more than asking the question. "I wish to know what you are doing with the native woman."
"Who? Laira? Oh, we're just talking." Jack told them, waving a dismissive hand in their direction.
"You mean flirting." Daniel amended, scowling at his friend.
"Flirting? No way." Jack grinned.
"I believe it would be wise to stop your involvement with her now O'Neill, I do not wish to hurt you on behalf of Samantha." Teal'c warned, a serious look in his eyes.
"Guys! I'm just talking!" He defended, arms raised.
"Well, if you're just talking, then I suggest you start thinking about Sam while you do that. Remember her? Your wife?" Daniel growled.
"Okay, first off all, I'm not doing anything wrong, if anything then I'm following orders to establish a treaty with these people. Second of all, you know what the situation between Sam and me is at the moment." Jack reminded him.
"I know what the situation between you two is, yes," Daniel agreed. "But you told me yourself that you want to salvage your marriage before it falls apart, just remember that when you look at Laira. And if you can't remember your wife, then think about your children Jack." Daniel told him before he and Teal'c left, heading towards the villagers that they had been talking to.
***
It was dark outside, but Sam had been underground in the SGC for the past three nights in a row, so she barely noticed. The kids were staying with their grandmother while Sam tried to find a way to bring her husband home….and reunite the natives with their people.
The Edorans that had fled to Earth during the meteor strike were being kept on level 18 in a well-designed refugee camp until the duration of their stay became apparent.
Sam had been working non-stop on a way to get the Stargate to engage and allow matter to be sent through for the past three days straight. She'd had a grand total of three hours sleep and she hadn't seen the surface in almost a week.
"Sam?" Daniel asked, coming into her lab.
"Hey. What are you doing up?" She asked gently, it was after three in the morning.
"I couldn't sleep and Janet has the night shift. How are you doing?" He asked gently, placing a hand on her arm.
By mutual agreement, he and Teal'c had decided not to share their concerns about Laira with Sam, knowing it would upset her already fragile state, and she didn't need to be worrying about how faithful her husband was being at the moment.
"I'm okay….I just don't know what to do." She admitted. "The scientific part of my brain wants to stay up day in and day out to figure this thing out, but the wife and mother in me knows that I need to be with my children. They can't be abandoned by both of their parents in the space of a week."
Daniel smiled gently. "They need their Mom." He agreed. "But they need her to be the mom that they know and love, not a spaced out woman who has bags under her eyes." He told her, touching the aforementioned bags gently.
"I still love him Daniel, even though we've barely spoken or touched in months, I still love him more than anything." She admitted, a few lone tears slipping past her eyes.
His heart broke at the sight of his strong friend like this and Daniel pulled her into his arms and rocked her gently. "He knows, Sam, he knows."
Daniel really hoped that his friend did know, before he did anything stupid.
***
You'll deny the truth
Believe a lie
There'll be times when you believe
That you could really fly
But your lonely nights
Have just begun
When you love someone.
Bryan Adams, When you love someone
***
He'd fought when the General had put them back on the mission list, they weren't ready to move on yet. Sam wasn't accompanying them on any missions for a while, so that she could work on a way of retrieving her husband, but he and Teal'c had been ordered to continue with their normal duties.
They'd been on P3R-233 with Captains Miller and Gilles for almost three hours now, and he wasn't seeing anything of interest. There was small room off-set form the rest of the complex that they'd been exploring, and Daniel pulled Teal'c in with him, his eyes automatically going to the mirror by the far wall.
"Have you ever seen anything like this?"
"Indeed I have not."
"Wonder what it does….." He'd reached out to touch the unreflective surface before Teal'c could stop him, only managing to place a hand on his arm before they both felt the electric shock that ran through their bodies.
Daniel shuddered, feeling the small, underlying current still flowing through him. "What was that?"
"I do not know. I believe that it would be wise to return to the SGC so that Doctor Fraiser may examine us."
Nodding, Daniel wondered what kind of lecture his wife would have in store for him this time. "Let's go." He agreed.
They left the small room, and only now noticed the absence of Mills and Gilles. Daniel clicked his radio to life and tried to reach them, but when he had no luck, decided that they may have returned to the SGC for help.
"I hate it when that happens." He muttered as he dialed Earth and sent the GDO signal.
"You dislike `it' when what happens Daniel Jackson?" Teal'c asked, following him up the stairs to the open wormhole.
"When we get left behind."
He and Teal'c stepped through the wormhole together and when they exited, they were met with several heavily armed SF's with their weapons all raised in their direction.
"What the…..?"
Daniel noticed General Hammond, who was in the control room, lean over to speak into the microphone. "Who are you?"
"Ah….Doctor Daniel Jackson and Teal'c, SG-1." He replied slowly, confused.
The tall figure of Jack O'Neill walked into the `Gate room, with Sam a few feet behind him. "I hate to tell you this but Danny and Teal'c are already on base."
He ignored Jack's words and turned his attention to Sam. "What on Earth happened to your hair?" He asked, eyeing the military style cut with disgust.
She reached up to finger the delicate strands carefully. "My hair?" She repeated.
"Yeah…..this morning it was at your shoulders and now….." He looked at her whole body, noticing how slim her hips were. The Sam that he'd spoken to this morning still had slightly wider hips from her pregnancy. "Sam do you have any kids?"
"Kids!" She squeaked, eyes wide.
"That's a no, right?" Daniel groaned. "Teal'c, we're in an alternate reality."
"I believe that you may be correct."
Jack groaned this time. "*Another* one?"
"I take it that you've encountered alternate realities before?" Daniel asked.
Jack signaled for the guards to lower their weapons before turning back to Daniel. "Yep, what is it now Carter, two? Three?"
"Two sir." She replied promptly.
"Carter? Sir?"
Both of them turned to look at him in confusion. "What?"
"You aren't married?" They shook their heads. "Engaged?" Another shake. "Together at all?"
Sam shook her head again. "No, the frat regs, Daniel."
"You're a Major!" He exclaimed, noticing the name on her breast pocket.
She automatically looked down at herself self- consciously. "Yes…..isn't your Sam?"
Daniel shook his head. "No, she was but she got kicked out of the air force for fraternizing with Jonas. She's a Doctor of astrophysics, married to Jack, they have twins."
"*Another* one?" Jack repeated.
Both Daniel and Teal'c missed the meaning, but Sam grinned wryly and turned away from him. "So…..how did you get here?" She asked and Daniel saw the General enter the control room.
Daniel looked at the floor with embarrassment. Jack was always telling him not to touch strange objects. "We touched a mirror on P3R- 233."
The General looked at him closely, confused. "233? How long has your Stargate program been running for? Our Doctor Jackson discovered that mirror in our first year of operation."
"Um….about seven years now."
"So you fought and beat Anubis?"
Teal'c spoke up for the first time, tilting his head to the side. "Anubis has been exiled from the Goa'uld for many hundreds of years General Hammond."
"Not in this world son." The General replied. "We're currently fighting against him in a battle that we may very well loose."
Daniel blinked back his surprise. "Wow. I'll ask the Tok'ra about him when I get home, and after we find a way to rescue Jack."
"Rescue me? Where am I in your world? Stuck on that damn moon with Maybourne, right?"
"Maybourne?" Daniel repeated. "Why would he be in the SGC? He doesn't know anything about the Stargate program."
"He doesn't? Trust me, don't tell him!" Jack warned. "So, then where am I?"
"Stuck on Edora, we think that a meteor may have impacted the Stargate before you could get through. We can't think of a way to get you home."
Sam's featured fell and she made a small `oh' with her mouth and Daniel felt his fears about Laira and his Jack resurfacing. "I think that I may be able to help you out with that one."
***
It had almost been three months since the last time she'd seen her husband, since her children had seen their father. Telling them that their daddy may never be coming home was one of the hardest things that Sam had ever had to do, and it had killed her to see their faces, their eyes fill with tears as she broke their hearts.
Janet, Teal'c, Daniel and to a lesser extent Hammond had been her rocks. They had been there, constantly for her and the children whenever she, or Heidi and Jay, had needed them.
Sam knew, however, that the person that she and her children needed most was on the other side of the galaxy. She often found herself wondering what he was doing, if he was happy, building a life for himself. She wondered what he was doing to occupy his days with. Jack wouldn't sit still for long, he was probably rebuilding the town, or teaching them hockey. Maybe he was fishing.
It was their wedding anniversary in a few hours.
"Sam!" Daniel cried, coming flying into her lab, holding a strange looking device in his hands.
"Daniel." She smiled softly. "Where have you been?" She asked, in a motherly voice.
He and Teal'c had been on a mission with Captain Mills and Captain Gilles when they'd been reported missing. Their mission to P3R-233 had been going well until they had lost contact with the SGC and no one had heard or seen from them since, only hearing of their sudden `disappearance' when Mills and Gills had returned to the SGC, befuddled. Even though it had only been two days since they were over- due, with his tendency to get into trouble, she'd been worried about him.
"An alternate reality." He admitted with a sheepish grin.
"Again?" She asked. Daniel was legendarily known among the SGC personnel for his ability to find alternate realities, he'd been to three in the last year alone. "What did you bring back?" She asked.
"It's called a particle beam accelerator and it may just be the device that saves Jack." He told her and then proceeded to explain it's functions, and what the other Sam had done to create it.
"She got the idea from a device the Goa'uld Sokar used on their SGC?" Sam asked, surprised. Sokar was a Goa'uld that the Tok'ra had taken out several months ago, they had never even heard of him until that news was relayed to them through her father.
"Yep. General Hammond has authorized it's use and we're just waiting on you. Apparently, if this works, then Teal'c will go through and dig his way to the surface with about six hours worth of oxygen strapped to his back in a tank because, as we know, the Stargate is horizontal on Edorra."
Sam grinned, her eyes alight with hope.
She was going to get Jack back in time for their wedding anniversary.
***
Walking along the familiar path that led to the Edoran village, Sam had to fight the urge to run ahead of all the returning refugees and into the arms of her husband. She couldn't see him at the moment, but he had to be somewhere in the throng of people.
"Sam, one of the locals said that Jack is staying in that house over there." Daniel told her, pointing to Laira's house, hoping that whatever Sam found, it was something platonic.
She smiled her thanks and ran towards the house he had pointed out, her long hair blowing in the wind. She reached the house and was suddenly filled with fear, what if he'd been hurt badly when the meteor had struck the ground?
No, she told herself firmly. It was their five-year anniversary and she had brought a special negligee to use in her seduction, he was going to be alive and that was it.
Sam opened the door to the hut and gasped.
Jack was most certainly alive and well…and currently thrusting into another woman on the bed in the house.
Despite the fact that she had once been a Major in the USAF, and the fact that she was a Carter and a mother, Sam screamed for all she was worth, and then she just stopped and simply stared as the two occupants on the bed slowly turned to face her.
Hearing the piercing wail, Jack's drunken mind forced him to turn away from his wife to see….his wife?
His alcohol induced haze wouldn't allow for his brain to function, but it told him well enough that if Sam was standing at the door, tears in her strangely calm eyes then the woman that he had been making love to was not his wife.
"What the hell….?" He slurred, looking from one woman back to the other. He didn't even seem to notice that Laira was remaining strangely silent.
"Happy anniversary Jack." Sam whispered, and ironic smile on her face. "If you're quite finished, Hammond is expecting you at the SGC." She told him, turning away and leaving the house.
Jack slipped easily out of Laira and pulled on the first pair of pants he could find before running out into the cool night air and after his wife, stumbling as he tried to exit the hut. He may have been drunk, but even an idiot could work out that he should go after her.
"Sam!" He called.
She heard him call her name and picked up her speed from a brisk walk to an all out run, ignoring Daniel's worried look and heading for anywhere she could get to before her back gave way and it wasn't near him.
She'd hoped that she could make it as far as the Stargate, but at this pace the strain on her already tender muscles sent a shooting pain through her leg before she could react.
Sam cried out as she hit the ground, but she fought him for all she was worth when he tried to put his arms around her.
Jesus, she could *smell* the other woman on him.
"Don't touch me!" She screamed and he le her go, but he didn't move away completely.
Jack let her go reluctantly, but didn't move far. "Sam…."
"No. Don't. It's over Jack." She told him, finding herself in some sort of serene stupor.
"It's not over," He protested. "Can't we even talk about this?" He begged, tears forming in his own eyes at her implication.
"No, we can't. You haven't wanted to touch me in months and on our anniversary I come here to see this. We can't talk about it *Sir* because I want a divorce." She screamed the last words at him and ignoring the pain rose to her feet and walked the rest of the way back to the Stargate.
Screw the natives, the others could deal with it, she decided.
Tears were pouring down her face as she dialed Earth and sent her GDO through, throwing the device to the dirt ground so that Daniel and Teal'c had a way home before quickly wiping her eyes stepping into the event horizon, leaving Jack with his own tears, staring after her.
***
I wish I could just make you turn around
Turn around and see me cry
There's so much I need to say to you
So many reasons why
You're the only one who really knew me at all
Phil Collins, Against all odds
***
She was thankful that, at the very least, she had made it to the elevator before breaking down. No one had questioned her early return from the 'rescue' mission, Hammond had merely looked at her, shook his head sadly and told her to go to the infirmary.
She'd handed her weapon to the nearest airman and the headed towards the elevator. She was the poster girl for composure but as soon as the elevator's doors had closed, she'd walked to the nearest wall and slowly slid down it until she'd hit the ground and started sobbing.
The ride to the infirmary was taking too long, Sam realized through her tears, only to groan as the doors opened one level early and three very surprised airmen looked at her.
She shot them a warning glance, wondering how effective it was with red, puffy eyes and tears falling down her face. "Don't even think about it." She warned, and they hurriedly stepped back to allow the doors to close again.
By the time the elevator doors opened again on the infirmary level, Janet was waiting there with her arms open. It took all of three seconds for Sam to life herself up off the ground and fall into Janet's comforting embrace.
"Oh honey….." Janet murmured at Sam's broken sobs, stroking her friend's back in a comforting caress. "What happened?"
"He was with someone else." Sam whispered through her tears, punctuating each word with a sob.
"Bastard." Janet returned and Sam couldn't stop herself smiling a little.
Sam pulled back a little to look at the Doctor. "I missed him so much Jan, and when I got there…..he was…." She didn't even have to finish her sentence for Janet to understand walked in on.
"Come on," Janet pulled her back into the elevator and hit the button for the surface. "We are going to go and get a few bottle's of wine, and then we're going to get trashed." She told her, adamant.
"With chocolate?" Sam sniffled.
"So much chocolate that by the time the night's over, you'll never want to see the stuff again." Janet agreed and Sam nodded, resting her head on her friend's shoulder as she cried her way to the surface.
***
"I believe that I previously stated that I would dismember O'Neill for doing this to Samantha." Teal'c told his friend, head cocked to the side as he watched Jack vomiting the alcohol from his system in a nearby bush.
"Teal'c?" Daniel asked, looking from Jack to his friend. "Was that an `I told you so' by any chance?" He asked.
Teal'c continued to watch as Jack hauled himself up and headed back over to them. "I believe it was."
"Stop lookin' at me like that Daniel." Jack snapped, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
"Looking at you like what? Like you're a betraying asshole? Like you're a lousy husband and father? Or like you're pathetic?" Daniel asked seriously, with amazingly no trace of animosity in his voice.
"I don't need this from you at the moment Daniel." Jack warned.
Daniel sighed and looked at the ground. "Fine, Teal'c and I are going to set up camp near the Stargate. You can come if you want, or you can go back to her. It's your choice."
"Is it? If I go back to Laira, and yes she does have a name, then you're going to tell Sam, aren't you?"
The younger man shook his head sadly. "I don't need to tell Sam anything at all Jack, she saw everything she needed to."
With that, Daniel and Teal'c left their commanding officer and headed back to the Stargate where they set up camp and got a fire going.
Daniel wasn't really sure if he was expecting Jack to come back or not, or if he even wanted him to, but forty-five minute's later, the older man walked shamefully into their camp and sat down at the fire across from Daniel, a dark and haunted look displayed on his features.
"I though I was with Sam." Jack admitted quietly.
"You weren't." Daniel reminded him just as quietly.
Jack took a deep breath, his voice remaining low as he spoke. "There was a party, some of the local women had just found out that they were pregnant and it meant that the Eddoran civilization could survive even if they never got the others back. They were doing shots, something lethal. I remember having about five before I was suddenly at home with Sam. I remember us being near the bed, and everything was okay again. We weren't fighting, she wasn't flinching every time I touched her. It was the way I remember us being, happy, in love. We were together. I remember her asking me for another child….god, after the miscarriage last year, it was like hearing something wonderful." Jack sighed.
Janet had told them that Sam may never have any more kids, after her blending with Jolinar and the subsequent Naquadah in her blood. Their marriage had started to go sour not long after her miscarriage.
Daniel regarded his friend closely. "You really thought you were with Sam?"
"Of course I did!" Jack snapped. "Do you really think that I'd sleep with Laira while I'm married, and in love, with Sam?"
"I don't know. You yourself told me that you and Sam were having problems before you got stranded." Daniel shrugged.
Jack nodded slightly, prodding the fire with a branch. "We were. We are. But she's the woman of my dreams Daniel, I never wanted to hurt her. Ever."
"But you did, more than you know."
The pair lapsed into silence, each lost in though until Jack spoke a few moments later, his eyes portraying a sadness that Daniel had only seen once before, when Sam had been infested with Jolinar.
"She's not going to forgive me, is she?" He asked with a sad resignation.
"I can't answer that Jack, you know I can't. But you need to talk to her, tell her what you told me, and you need to do it soon."
Jack nodded and stood. "Thanks Danny. I think I'm gonna head back to Earth now."
"Okay. Teal'c and I are going to spend the night here and make sure that the Edoran's are going to be alright." Daniel smiled. "Talk to her Jack, and for once, be honest."
Smiling his thanks, Jack headed back to the Stargate. He dialed Earth slowly, wondering what kind of reception he'd get when he got there. He had to wonder what Hammond had been told the reasons behind Sam's impromptu return.
Sending his GDO code through, Jack stepped into the wormhole and instinctively closed his eyes as the stars rushed by him. The `Gate room was virtually deserted when he came through, only a few technicians in the control room and a few of the marines guarding the Stargate.
Jack raised his hand and waved, moving towards the exit when one of the airmen stopped him. "General Hammond ordered that you report to the infirmary upon your return, sir."
Thinking it over for a moment, Jack nodded. "Okay." He agreed, heading towards the locker room.
He showered very briefly and changed into a pair of jeans and a sweater before heading to the elevator and then the surface. It was probably stupid, but his truck was still in the parking lot and his keys had been in his locker, where he'd left them.
There was a light still burning through the material of their curtains when he pulled up in the driveway. Jack thanked his escort and headed slowly up the familiar path, hoping that Sam was still awake.
Naturally, he knew that the welcoming he got would be much less then pleasant, but if he didn't try and talk to her now, then he probably never would, and that would be the end of their marriage.
Which was something he wanted desperately to avoid.
Inserting his key into the lock, Jack stepped in and noticed immediately that there were several bottles of wine, numerous packets of chocolate and what looked like melted ice cream on the living room table. The stereo was playing quietly, Meatloaf if he was correct. She was definitely upset.
"Sammie?" He called quietly, hoping that if the kids were asleep, or if they were even here, that he didn't wake them. They didn't need to see this, and he only hoped that Sam kept that in mind when they confronted each other.
"Don't call me that!" A slurred voice snapped from behind him, and Jack turned to see his wife slumped on the ground behind the door, hugging her knees to her chest.
He bent down to her level, ignoring his protesting knees. "Sam….can we talk?"
"Talk? You want to talk?" She repeated incredulously.
Jack wasn't sure exactly what he could say at the moment that wouldn't be offensive to her, or make this any harder than it already was, so he said the first thing that he felt. "I love you."
"Sure you do."
"Sammie…."
"I told you not to call me that!" She snapped, rising to her feet.
Jack mirrored her stance, and looked into her hurt blue eyes, not failing to notice the tears in them. "We have to talk….."
"No, we don't." She whispered brokenly. " I'm not going to make this hard on you Jack. I won't stop you going back to her."
Jack shook his head. "I don't want to go back to her, I want to stay here with my family. With my *wife* and our beautiful children."
"They don't know you're back." She admitted, not looking at him.
"Where are they?" He asked.
"With Megan, at the sitter's."
She was too calm, he realized.
The Sam that he knew and loved was a very passionate woman, who felt things deeply even if she didn't always show it, and the woman in front of him may as well have been discussing hockey scores for all the passion and emotion she was showing.
If she hid behind a mask of indifference, then they would never get this sorted out. He knew very well that their problems had been their long before Edora, but that planet, and Laira, had been the catalyst. Maybe they'd be able to sort through what was going on between them, Jack wondered.
"Tell me what you're feeling."
She looked at him then, anger in her eyes. "What I'm feeling? How about hurt? Or angry? Or betrayed? Used? Discarded? Unwanted?"
"Unwanted?" He repeated, confused.
"Yes Jack, unwanted. You haven't wanted to touch me for well over six months, and you were with this woman for five minute's before you were in bed with her. How do you *think* that would make me feel!"
"Haven't wanted…..? Sam, I've always wanted you. You didn't want me near you!" he exclaimed. "You wouldn't *let* me touch you without flinching!"
"I'm in *pain* Jack, don't you understand that? God….you were there for me when I had that stupid accident, and it was years ago. You know what I went through, what I *still* go through." She crossed her arms over her chest, cuddling herself protectively.
"You never *told* me! How was I supposed to know that you were in pain if you didn't tell me?" He asked, his voice raising.
"You think I don't want you anymore so you jump in the sack with another woman first chance you get?" Sam snorted. "What a great husband. We obviously don't have much of a marriage if that's they way you play the game. No wonder Sara left you."
"Sara left me because she knew that I was in love with you!" He cried.
"But you're not anymore, and that's the problem." Sam whispered, tears once again starting to fall.
"When I was with Laira, I thought that I was with you." He admitted, waiting for her reaction.
He certainly got one.
Sam hit him then, putting all of the force she could muster behind the blow. He was knocked back by her first connecting with his jaw, but he came back to stand before her, closer this time.
Sam she didn't stop with one hit. She continued to hit him, the blows weakening as her tears continued to fall at a rapid rate.
"Sam…..don't do this." Jack pleaded, not trying to stop her fists as they connected with his chest.
How could he stop her when he knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that he deserved everything she wanted to throw at him?
"I hate you." She growled, hitting him with more force as her military training came back to her. "You are such a bastard, how could you do this! What about our children! Did you even think of them? Of me?" She cried.
Jack grabbed her by the arms, pulling her to him. "You're all I thought about." He whispered into her hair, relishing in the contact.
Even though she knew it was pointless, Sam continued to fight him in the embrace until every ounce of her strength was gone, and then she was sobbing in his arms, and hating herself for it. "I want you out of my house." She whispered brokenly.
He pulled her back a little to look into her eyes. "Sammie," He whispered, wiping her tears away with his thumbs. "I love you so much." He told her, and then he kissed her for the first time in months.
Sam knew that she'd hate herself for it when she was sober, and hell, she hated her weakness for it and her weakness at his proximity now, but she kissed him back, and maneuvered him towards the couch.
The whole time wishing that she didn't need him as much as she did.
***
You walk in
And my strength
Walks out the door
Say my name
And I can't fight it anymore
Oh I know
I should go
But I need your touch
Just too damn much
Leann Rimes, Right kind of wrong
***
Janet groaned as she opened her eyes, certain that it was too early to be awake, even though the sun was up. She clutched at her head, wondering why she always got the worst hangovers and why she continued to drink when she knew that she got the worst hangovers. "Re-hydrate" she told herself, her medical training coming in to play.
Half getting out, half-falling out of the bed, she looked around the room, surprised that Sam wasn't with her. She definitely remembered retreating to the master bedroom with her friend last night, but that was where her memory ended.
Continuing to rub her pulsating temples, Janet straightened out her clothes and headed towards the kitchen in search of some water to quench her suddenly monstrous thirst.
She grabbed a glass and filled it, downing it in one go before refilling it and going in search of Sam. It didn't take long to find her. Her friend was sleeping peacefully on the couch, with Jack curled tightly around her, their arms and legs wrapped firmly in a tangle of limbs.
Janet groaned. It was obvious what they had been up to, and it really didn't help the situation at all. If anything, Sam and Jack having sex before they resolved their issues had only escalated their problems.
As if sensing that they weren't alone, Sam opened her eyes and Janet could still see the effects of their previously consumed alcohol clutching her friend. "What the hell?" She muttered, feeling the naked body behind her.
She tried, unsuccessfully, to move out of Jack's embrace, but his sleep-fogged brain refused to let her out of his grasp. "Sammie," He whispered, nuzzling her neck with a tenderness that made Sam sick.
"Let me go!" She snapped and he opened his eyes immediately.
"Sam?" He asked, reaching out for her as she moved away from him, clutching the afghan to her.
She shook her head violently, instantly regretting the movement as her hangover started to creep in. "Don't touch me!"
"Sam…..we have to talk."
"No." She said firmly, surprising even herself at the strength in her voice. "Look at what happened the last time we tried to talk."
"What happened last night wasn't a mistake." He told her.
"Yes it was. It didn't help things at all. And it hasn't changed anything, I want you out of my house and I want a divorce." She told him, clutching the afghan tighter, leaving Jack to conceal his modesty with a cushion.
"What about the kids?" He asked, throwing his only chance at staying in her face. Sam knew that their children needed, and wanted, their father.
"I'll sort it out later." She snapped. "Right now, I want you out of my house."
Jack nodded. "I'll go," He relented, pulling on his pants, "But I'll be back." He kissed her cheek before leaving and Janet watched silently as Sam kept herself together long enough to see him out the front door before she began to sob again.
Placing the water on the coffee table, Janet pulled her friend into her arms again. "Don't worry honey, it's gonna be…."
"Okay?" Sam finished for her. "It won't be okay Janet, it never will be!" She snapped, angry at the fake platitudes her friend had been offering.
"I was going to say that it will be hard, but things will get better." Janet told her and watched as Sam only cried harder.
"You know what the worst thing is?" Sam sniffled.
"What?" Janet asked quietly, stroking her back lightly.
"I enjoyed last night." She admitted, and then she laughed. It wasn't a happy sound. "I'm so disgusted with myself for letting things go the way they did, but after the amount of time that we've spent apart, even when he was here, I couldn't help myself. I wanted him….and he knew it."
"He took advantage of you." Janet guessed.
"No, I took advantage of him."
"Sam…you're not the one who had an affair, he is. You haven't done anything wrong here." Janet told her firmly.
Sam looked up at her friend, tears still evident in her eyes even if they weren't on her cheeks. "What do I do now?"
"I don't know honey, I honestly don't know." Janet admitted.
***
Pulling in to the motel car park, Sam took several deep breaths before she could convince herself to get out of the car.
She hadn't seen Jack in just over two weeks. The last time she had seen him, he'd been clutching a cushion to his groin and pleading with her to talk to him. She knew that he'd been back to their house at least once to get some clothes, but he had timed it so that she'd been out at the time.
Heidi and Jay knew that their father was back, but they hadn't seen him either, and they'd been driving her crazy asking when Daddy was coming home, which was part of the reason that she was standing outside of his motel door.
She knocked hesitantly, and when he opened the door she had to fight the urge to take a step back.
His eyes were red and bloodshot, his face was gaunt looking and unshaven, and he looked utterly exhausted and she wondered if he'd been sleeping at all. The part of her, the rather large part, that still loved him wanted to take him into her arms are nurse him back to health, but the part of her that remembered seeing him with the other woman refused to let her give in to the will.
"Sam." He greeted, stepping back to allow her entrance to the room.
She could smell the whiskey still lingering in the small room. The single bed was unmade and there were magazine's strewn across the table. There weren't any chairs that she could see, so Sam perched herself on the edge of the bed.
Jack didn't sit down next to her, figuring that it would be pushing his luck. Hell, he considered himself lucky that she hadn't freaked out when he'd closed the door.
Instead, he closed the door and turned to face her, leaning he weight on the wall behind him. "How are you?" He asked, unsure of what to say. She was his wife for God's sake and he couldn't even think of anything to say to her.
"Fine." She nodded. "You?"
He rolled his eyes a little. "Great."
They lapsed into a tense, uncomfortable silence. It seemed to stretch on forever until Sam spoke again. "We need to work something out here." She told him.
Jack's heart did a little flip at the thought. Did she want him to come home? Did she want to talk? Was she reconsidering the divorce that she seemed so adamant on getting? "We do?" He asked, keeping his response neutral.
"The kids want to see you…..and you have a right to see them." Sam explained.
"How are they?" He asked, his eyes filling with love at the mention of their children.
"They miss their father." She admitted reluctantly.
Jack looked her straight in the eye as he spoke. "What about their mother?"
He gaze flickered away form his almost immediately. "I'm not here to talk about you and I, I'm here to talk about Heidi and Jay."
Nodding, Jack moved a pile of his clothes to reveal a chair, and he sat down, tossing the clothes to the floor. "So….then when are we going to talk about us?" He asked, briefly wondering if she ever planned to discuss their marriage.
"When I can do it calmly. Look, maybe I should have just called…" She muttered, standing and moving towards the door.
Jack was out of his chair and by her side in an instant, his presence enough to quicken her heartbeat. Even when they'd been fighting, she'd continued to feel the rush of feelings at his proximity. It seemed some thing's never really changed. "We have to talk eventually." He told her.
"I know, but not now. We need to figure out what we're going to do about the kids, I mean, I assume that you want to see them."
Jack nodded wholeheartedly. "Sam, you and the kids are the only things that I've thought of in the last few weeks. I miss all of you and I want to come home."
"I'm not ready to have you home Jack, don't you understand that?" She whispered, ashamed to feel more tears pricking at her eyes. She'd cried enough over the last few weeks.
"I'm going to wait for you Sam, you have to know that." She nodded and he let he subject drop. "When does it suit you for me to see them?"
"This weekend?" She offered.
"Sounds great. Do you want me to come over, or should I take them out?" He asked, feeling sick at the thought of needing permission to enter his own home.
"I think that it would be best if you took them out." Sam replied, feeling like a monster for not even allowing him access to his own home. `He cheated on you' that little voice reminded her, and suddenly she didn't feel so bad.
"I'll be over about ten. Is that okay?"
"Sounds great. I won't tell them in case there's an emergency at the base and you can't make it." It was part of the job, but Sam knew that if he disappointed the kids, she wouldn't forgive him.
"I'll be there." He promised, and that was that.
"Okay. I need to go." She told him, opening the door. "Goodbye." She muttered, closing the door behind her as she fled to her car.
Jack watched her through the window as she drove off, and he had to wonder if this was how it was always going to be between them.
***
True to his word, Jack had arrived at his home at ten to be greeted by two children screaming for their father.
He'd opened the door and barely stepped in before Heidi and Jay and hurled themselves at him. "Daddy!" Heidi squealed excitedly, clutching her teddy bear in her hand.
Jack couldn't help but smile, Heidi had loved the bear that he'd brought her when Sam was pregnant, and she still refused to go anywhere without it.
"Hey sweetie." He grinned, unable to stop the tears that formed in his eyes.
Sam watched from the entrance to the kitchen as Jack hugged the twin's tightly against him. Watching him now, without his usual veil of sarcasm, was heartbreaking. It made her feel like the wicked witch of the west for insisting on the divorce.
"How you doing sport?" Jack asked Jay, giving him a lopsided grin that the boy matched easily.
Jay sighed loudly. "Okay….why haven't you been home?"
Swallowing the lump in her throat, Sam waiting for Jack to come up with a plausible answer to quell the curiosity of their six-year-old.
Jack sighed. "It's hard to explain buddy."
"But you're gonna stay at home now, aren't you daddy?" Heidi asked, wrapping her arms tighter around her father.
Sam looked up to see Jack staring at her, his eyes asking her what he should say. She shrugged, unsure herself. Thus far, she'd managed to avoid having this conversation with her children, but she hadn't been stupid enough to know that she could avoid it forever.
Eventually, Jack shook his head sadly. "No honey, I'm not."
"Why not?"
"Heidi, Daddy is going to find his own place to live." Sam smiled reassuringly, walking over to where her children and soon-to-be ex- husband were sitting.
Heidi turned to face her mother, tears forming in her brown eyes. "But why? Why can't daddy live with us? Doesn't daddy love us anymore? Don't you love us daddy?"
Jack smiled sadly at his daughter. "Of course I love you Heidi!"
"Then why don't you live with us anymore?" She asked, confused. Jack looked to Sam for this one, he couldn't think of anything to say to Heidi that would make her see that it wasn't her fault.
"It's hard to explain sweetie." Sam told her, kneeling down to face her daughter who immediately turned away from her.
"Don't be like that Heidi, it isn't your Mom's fault." Jack told her, rubbing her back in soothing motions.
"You're sending dad away?" Jay asked in a small voice.
Sam felt tears prick her own eyes at the implication. She hadn't really thought that her children would see it that way, but in effect, she *was* essentially sending their father away…..they couldn't understand why, and she wouldn't try and explain it to them at this age, but she had to tell them something. "I don't want to honey….."
"Then don't!" The little boy pleaded.
Biting her bottom lip as a few lone tears slipped down her cheeks, Sam shook her head sadly. "It's not that simple."
"Yes it is!" He yelled.
Jack's eyes softened as he saw the tears falling from his wife's eyes. "Jay, don't yell at your mom, this isn't her fault. You shouldn't blame her for this. "
Jay shook his head stubbornly, much like his father. "Yes it is! You don't wanna go, but she's sending you away."
"Do you want to go daddy?" Heidi asked.
Jack sighed deeply. "Of course not honey."
"Mommy?" she asked, finally turning back to face her mother. "Do you want daddy to go?"
Since when did her daughter become a marriage counselor? "I…..yes." She admitted, not looking at Jack.
"Why? Don't you love daddy anymore?" She asked.
Sam knew that the question was asked in all innocence, but she honestly wasn't sure how to answer her daughter. She knew that she still loved her husband, and probably always would, but if he knew that then he's see it as a possibility for reconciliation….and that wasn't going to happen, not after what she'd seen.
Out of the mouth's of babe's indeed.
"We'll talk about this later." She told them. "Go out and enjoy the day. Daddy's taking you to the park for a while."
Neither of the children looked convinced, and Jack finally intervened. "C'mon. Grab your bags, we'll go and have some fun." He smiled, showing a happiness that he really didn't feel. Scrambling off Jack's knees, Heidi and Jay headed down to their rooms.
Jack waited until the kids were out of earshot before he spoke to his wife. "You okay?"
"Of course I am Jack. My children blame me because you screwed another woman, I'm perfect." She hissed.
"Sam…don't be like that." Jack sighed. "We can talk about this….can't we?"
She shook her head. "No, we can't. I told you that before Jack……I want a divorce, that's all there is to say."
"Mommy, what's a divorce?" Heidi asked, walking with her brother back into the room and over to their father.
"Never mind sweetie, you guys have fun today." She told them, bending down to kiss both of her children on the cheek.
"What about daddy?" Heidi asked, her eyes wide. "Aren't you gonna kiss him goodbye too?"
Jack shrugged and Sam lent over and kissed his cheek. Before she could react, he'd pulled her fully into his embrace and wrapped his arms around her. "Don't do this Sammie." He whispered, his voice low to avoid the inquisitive ears of the twins'.
Despite herself, Sam couldn't help but breathe in his familiar and once comforting and calming scent. "Let me go now, before I hurt you." She whispered back and he released her reluctantly, hurt shining clearly in his eyes.
"Now daddy can stay with us!" The little girl exclaimed happily, clapping her hands.
Sam shook her head, ignoring the slightly hopeful look on Jack's face. "Heidi…..it doesn't work like that."
"Why not?"
"I said we'd talk about this later." She snapped and Jack took that as his cue to get the kids out of there before he and Sam ended up in a screaming match.
Jack grabbed the kid's hands and led them out of the house.
***
There was a picture of her on his desk.
Jack had been sitting in his office, writing his report for almost an hour and he'd only just noticed the picture. He'd known it was there, naturally, he'd put it there, but for some reason it only really occurred to him today. It was a good photo, he decided. She was smiling, an indication that it had been taken at least nine months ago, and she was standing by the lake at their cabin.
They'd taken the kids up there the previous winter to teach them how to skate on the frozen lake. He'd had so much fun during their stay. The kids had taken to skating like ducks to water, and he and Sam had spent more time on the ground. She wasn't a good skater at all, had no talent for it. He liked to joke that it was the one thing that she wasn't good at.
If he said that now, she'd probably hit him, he mused.
The report wasn't going to write itself, and he'd been staring at the empty Microsoft document for an hour now, so Jack decided to go in search of some coffee.
He reached the elevator and was on his way to the commissary when he realized that he'd pressed the level for her lab. He was well on his way to her door when he realized that it probably wasn't a wise idea. But he was standing before her quizzical features before he realized that it was too late to turn back.
"Can I help you?" She asked formally, her tone cool.
He stuttered for a bit before finding a reasonable explanation for his presence. "I….I need your last mission report, please."
"You could have send an airman for that." She pointed out, walking to her filing cabinet nonetheless.
"I thought it would be better to do it in person." He shrugged.
Sam didn't look at him as she spoke, her head buried in the drawer that she was searching. "Colonel, I think it would be better if you sent someone else in the future."
If she'd look, which she didn't, then she would have seen the confusion and hurt on his face. "Sam…..I'm not trying to talk about us, why can't I see you?"
"I think it would be more appropriate if you don't call me Sam at work." She told him, holding out the file marked `Edora.'
Jack sighed, why did she insist on acting like this? "Fine, Doctor O'Neill-"
"Doctor Carter." She corrected, unblinking.
The words hit him almost like a physical blow would, and it was only now that he noticed that she wasn't wearing her wedding or engagement rings. He grasped her hand, despite her attempts to pull it away. "You took them off."
"Yes." She nodded.
"Why?"
Her gaze never slipped from his, even though she wished that she could look away as she broke his heart. "It was no longer appropriate for me to wear them"
"You said you'd never take them off." He whispered.
"You said you'd never hurt me, I guess we were both wrong." She returned, pulling her hand from his grasp. His closeness still affected her, it probably always would, and she felt the waves of desire, or possibly nausea, wash over her.
"Sam?" Jack asked, watching her sway slightly.
"I'm okay." She muttered.
He watched as her eyes rolled into the back of her head as her body made the descent towards the ground. Instinctively reaching out, Jack caught her before her body connected with the floor.
***
Janet had run tests, she's poked and prodded her, but she still couldn't find an explanation as to why her best friend had fainted almost three hours ago. Sam hadn't woken yet, which led Janet to believe that it was probably exhaustion that had finally claimed her, but Jack hadn't left her side.
"You really miss her, don't you?" She asked, checking Sam's vitals again. She'd hooked her up to an IV for some extra fluids, but apart from making her comfortable, that was about all she could do.
"She and the kids are my life, Janet, of course I miss her." He replied, his shoulders slumped.
"You hurt her."
He nodded sadly. "I know."
"Do you expect her to forgive you?"
He gave her an almost crooked smile. "I have hope."
Janet glanced around, seeing the infirmary virtually empty for a change and lowered her voice. "Jack, don't push her. If you do, you're just going to push her away."
"What am I supposed to do Jan? Sit by while she file's for divorce?"
"I know it's hard….."
"Do you?" he snapped, angry. Everyone else seemed to know, or think that they knew, more about their relationship than he did.
"Hey, I'm on my second marriage here too, you know." She returned.
Jack lowered his head in shame. He did know. He'd known Janet when she was still married to Robert, and although he hadn't known it at the time, he did know what Robert used to do to her. "I'm sorry…..It's just, what am I supposed to do?"
"Give her space."
"If I walk away, she'll think that I don't want to be with her. Giving her space could be as bad as hanging around like a bad smell."
"You have to Jack. She'll never want to see you again if you invade her life like that. Just, walk away. Take a step back and be a little objective here."
Jack shook his head adamantly. "There's a bigger chance of getting water from the moon than me ever leaving her again."
***
What do I gotta do?
Do I gotta get water from the moon
To make you love me
Make you love me.
Celine Dion, Water from the moon.
***
Jack knocked tentatively on Hammond's door. The General had paged him to come and see him, and Jack couldn't quell the nausea that rose in his stomach.
"Enter!" The older man barked.
Jack sighed. It was late, he was tired, and he really didn't want to deal with an irate General at this hour of the night. He opened the door and stepped in, closing it behind him. "You wanted to see me sir?"
George looked up from the request that he'd been reading. "Jack, come in." He smiled, but both of them knew it was forced.
"Was there something wrong sir?"
The General nodded, but his words contradicted the action. "No, no of course not. I thought that you and I could go to O'Malley's for a steak." He offered.
Jack nodded, confused by the older man's actions and twenty five minute's later he found himself sitting in a booth at the back of O'Malley's, steak and beer in front of him.
"What's this about sir?" He asked, curiosity piqued. The general had been scanning their surroundings since they'd sat down, and he looked anything but relaxed.
"Jack…." The older man sighed and scrubbed his hands over his face. "We have a problem at home." He admitted. Nodding, Jack let him continue. "There's a rouge group in our office, and they've been stealing technology from some of our friends."
"Thor?" Jack whispered.
They'd met the Asguard several years ago, when Jack's memory had been pushed aside after an alien language had been downloaded in his brain. Jay still used the word `kosars' to describe his legs, much to the annoyance of his teacher.
"Among others." George admitted. "We need someone to go undercover, make the mole think that this person is one of them." In a hushed voice, the General told Jack all of the information that he had, and what their current plan was. "We need to nip this in the bud now."
"Agreed." Jack nodded. "Who do you plan to do……no." He shook his head at the General's look. "Sir! I can't."
"Jack, I know that you and Sam are having problems-"
"Doesn't everyone." Jack muttered rhetorically.
George chose to ignore the statement and continued. "But we need to do this."
"Why me?"
"Because I was ordered to find someone that I know for sure wouldn't already be working for the other side. And as much as I hate having to suspect our own people, I know it wouldn't be you."
"Damn straight it wouldn't…..but sir, if I go through with this what do you think it would do to what's left of my marriage?"
George knew that this wouldn't help their situation any, but they had to do this. "Jack, Sam would understand. She was a solider, remember? She knows what goes on in the world of black ops, and she is anything but stupid."
Jack shook his head. "Sir, I know that she'd understand, but I've got enough groveling to do as it is. If I go ahead with this mission, I think it would be the straw that breaks the camel's back."
"That's a cliché."
"I know, and you know how I feel about those."
"We have to do this Jack, and I really don't want to make it an order."
"Let me tell Sam."
"We can't."
"Sir, you said that you picked me because you trusted me. Sam hasn't got a deceitful bone in her body, I can guarantee you with a hundred per cent certainty that she isn't part of this. I'll do it, but you have to let me tell Sam what's going on."
George sighed, he could understand why Jack wanted her in on it, but he was sure that nothing good could come of Sam's involvement. He was ordered to get one person involved, and one person only. "Okay." He relented. "But don't tell her on the base. Take her out somewhere, somewhere safe."
Jack got the message, the General thought that the base could be bugged. Which meant, more than likely, so were their homes. Great, even more people knew about the shambles of his marriage. "Thank you."
"How are things with Sam?" George asked, and Jack realized that this conversation was closed for now.
"Not so good." He admitted, reluctantly.
"I'm sure that things will get better." The General comforted, but he knew that his words meant nothing.
Jack shoulders slumped again, a posture that the General was seeing a little too often on his 2IC. "I doubt that sir, I really doubt that."
***
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Janet asked.
Sam clutched the phone tighter to her ear as she searched her closet in the quest to find something to wear.
Jack had asked her to have dinner with him, and while she was reluctant to go, there was something about the way that he had asked her, something about his tone of voice, that had made her curious.
While she didn't want to talk about them, or their situation, maybe having dinner would make the divorce easier. Sam sighed, she was only kidding herself. She missed him and she wanted to see him again. Was that so bad?
Shrugging herself out of her musings, Sam picked out a red top that Jack had brought her over a year ago. "I think it might help Janet."
"Do you want to get back together?" Janet asked, while she was still stuck on the base minding an injured SG-12, she'd wanted to call Sam and find out why she was going to dinner with a man she was that angry with.
San shook her head, even though she knew that Janet couldn't see the action. "No, I've already spoken to my lawyer, we're meeting tomorrow afternoon to discuss the divorce."
Janet didn't want to play devil's advocate, but she knew very well that Sam was still in love with her husband, and she couldn't help but think she was rushing things. "Honey, why don't you wait a while, see how things turn out?"
"I won't forgive him Janet, I can't. It's better if I just do it now so that the kids and I can move on with our lives."
"If you say so."
"I do. "
"How are you feeling now?" Janet asked. Sam had woken up after being in the infirmary for over eight hours.
"Still a little tired," She admitted. "But I think that sleep really did me some good. I must have been more tired than I thought. I have to go, the sitter will be here soon, and I still need to get ready."
"Okay honey, take care and call me when you get home, I'll still be on base."
"Will do. Bye." She hung up the phone and pulled out her black jeans, hoping that she'd look decent enough for wherever he was taking her.
***
She was walking down the corridor when she saw him.
He was with Teal'c, being escorted to the General's office no doubt. She couldn't believe what an ass he had been…..stealing alien technology? What had happened to the man that she'd loved? Surely the situation that they were in with their personal life couldn't have pushed him so far over the edge that he'd crack?
"Sir?" She asked.
He stopped and paused before he turned around, his posture showing indifference an annoyance at being spoken to. "Carter?"
She stepped closer to him, and Teal'c took a respective step back and started talking to a passing technician to allow them some privacy. "Jack?"
He scratched his neck, obviously bored. "Sam?"
"Are you alright?" She asked, concerned.
"Fine, why?"
"You're not acting like yourself." She told him, eyeing him closely. He looked all right, Janet must've cleared him.
Jack rolled his eyes. "I haven't been acting like myself since I met you, now I'm acting like himself."
"Jack?" Normally, she would've taken the first part of his statement as a compliment, but his tone left no room for interpretation.
He threw her earlier words back at her. "I think it would be more appropriate if you don't call me Jack at work."
"Fine, *Sir* are you coming to see the kids tomorrow?" She asked, her tone curt.
"Maybe, I dunno." He shrugged.
She grit her teeth to stop from yelling at him. "Yes or no? I'm not going to tell them that you'll be there if you want, it's not fair."
"Then no, I won't. I have plans."
"More important than our children?"
Jack almost reacted to that. It was the first time that Sam had referred to the kids as "theirs" since this whole thing started. Instead of replying, he simply shrugged.
"You're being an ass, Jack."
"Whatever." He didn't seem to care, or notice that she had tears in her eyes as he walked away.
***
Daniel walked towards Sam's lab.
He was worried about her, she'd just stood in the `Gate room and saluted her husband as he'd walked through the Stargate and back to Edora……what an ass, he thought with a shake of his head. Jack had been constantly saying for the last two months that all he wanted to do was go back to Sam, and at the first chance, he jumps through the `Gate and back to Laira.
The bastard.
Jack didn't seem to realize what kind of effect his leaving could have on his soon-to-be ex-wife. Daniel half expected to find her in tears, or throwing things.
He rounded the corner and saw her typing away at her laptop. "You okay?"
"Sure, you?" She asked, cheerfully.
"Sam…..you don't have to pretend with me." He told her, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder.
"I'm not pretending Daniel, I'm fine." She smiled.
He nodded and pulled her spare stool over to sit next to her. "I heard you had dinner with Jack the other night."
"Janet tells you everything, doesn't she?" Sam smiled. She was happy, if not slightly envious, that Daniel and Janet had such a solid marriage. And little Megan loved her parents so much. She was such a beautiful little girl.
"She's my wife, she'd better." Sam laughed as he tried to act macho.
"You're so funny." She returned, rolling her eyes.
Daniel reached over and touched the smile on her mouth. "It's good to see you smile again, Sam."
"Yeah." She agreed.
"What're you going to do now?" He asked.
She gave a little shrug before replying. "Well, since `the ass' isn't here anymore, there's no reason to keep paying my lawyer obscene amounts of money for a divorce."
"He won't stay there Sam."
Sam gave him a skeptical look. "You think?"
"He loves you."
"But he happily screwed her? Some love that is….."
"Didn't he tell you?"
She regarded him curiously. "Tell me what?"
"That he was drunk, that he though he was with you?"
She nodded. "Yes, he told me. Do you expect me to believe that he was drunk? He was perfectly sober when he spoke to me."
"You didn't hear him emptying his stomach."
"He was vomiting?" She asked, shocked, he hadn't told her that. Not that she'd really given him much of a chance.
"Yeah. Whatever he was drinking, it must have been strong." Daniel commented, shivering a little at the thought. He wasn't a fan of alcohol, and it wasn't a fan of him.
"I didn't know that he was sick from it." She admitted.
"Well, he was booked by the police for DUI."
"When?" She demanded.
Daniel took a deep breath. "When he came back to the SGC and left to see you. He was booked a few streets from your home. They said that his blood alcohol lever was three times the legal limit."
"How'd he get home then?"
"One of the officers drove him, apparently. He told me the day after he saw you."
"Did he tell you what happened that night?" She asked. Sam was pretty certain that Jack would have told his best friend, and even if he hadn't, Janet would've.
"Yes." He didn't say anything else, he wasn't sure what he could say.
"Jack says it wasn't a mistake."
"What do you think?"
Sam looked away, ashamed to feel tears sting her eyes again. "I don't think it helped the situation." She said quietly.
Daniel pulled her into his arms and hugged her as she slowly began to let go of the tears that had been in her eyes. "Sam…you know that if you ever need anything, I'm here for you, right?"
She nodded, and continued to sob into his chest.
***
I'm pointing my feet in the right direction
Just give me a reason
And I'll come running
Give me a reason
And I'll be there
John Farnham, Give me a reason
***
He was back.
And sitting in her living room.
She knew that he was there, of course, she'd heard the kid's excited squeals when the door had opened, and as much as she wanted to go out there and have it out with him, she was too reluctant to leave the bliss of her bubble bath.
She had her hair pinned up, a relaxing CD on, some candle's lit and nothing, not even him, could get her out of that bath.
"Sam?" Jack called through the bathroom door.
He'd been sitting on the couch, watching TV with the kids for well over an hour. And after he'd sent the sitter home, he'd hoped that she'd come out so that he could at least talk to her. Not being the most patient of men, he'd finally given up waiting and decided to interrupt her bath anyway.
"What?" She yelled back.
"Can we talk?"
"I'm in the bath!"
He didn't say anything and she assumed that he'd gone back to spend time with the kids, but the bathroom door opened and suddenly he was standing in the dimly lit room with her. "Do you mind?" She snapped.
"Come on Sam, it's not like I haven't seen it all before."
"That's not the point and you know it."
"Well, you wouldn't come out, so I came in."
She sighed and closed her eyes. "What do you want?"
He sat down on the washing basket and lent forward to look her in the eye. "To talk…..you left the mountain before I had a chance to explain my behavior over the last few days."
She shrugged nonchalantly. "You don't have to explain, I know about the mole. I read the report that Hammond wrote."
"But do you see why I did it?"
"Yes, I'd have done the same…..but if the shoe was on the other foot, then I'd have told you what was going on."
"I was going to…..that night when we went to dinner, I was going to tell you then. But you started talking about Jay getting in trouble for trying to eat glue and suddenly, everything was normal again."
Sam remembered that night.
She'd met him at the restaurant, and they'd had a drink before their table was ready. She hadn't meant for the conversation to turn to them, but she'd been recounting the tale of her meeting with Jay's teacher about his glue fetish and suddenly they were talking about the kids, and eventually, the old days.
They hadn't, however, discussed the divorce, or their separation, or Laira, but it had been nice. She'd gone home feeling a lot happier than she had in months after that night. It had been a special night for her.
"So you asked me to dinner so that you could tell me about your little black ops mission?"
"Originally, yes. But you looked so good, and we started talking……"
She nodded. "I understand."
"I didn't see her again, if that's what you're thinking." Jack told her after a moment of silence between them.
"Didn't see who?"
"Laira. After I `Gated to Edora, I turned around and went straight to the base." He told her.
"I believe you."
"But it doesn't change anything, does it?" He summarized.
Sam shook her head. "No, it doesn't."
***
His hotel room was cold and empty when Jack finally returned.
He hadn't stuck around long after his little chat with Sam in the bathroom, there didn't seem to be much point too. He flicked the television on, but he wasn't watching it. He hadn't thought about getting his own apartment, but he and Sam had been separated for over a month now, and it was obvious that she didn't want to change it.
While the hotel room may have been ideal for the short term, he could tell that it wasn't something that he could handle on a permanent basis. It didn't help that the walls were so thin, and he could hear everything that went on in the adjacent rooms.
Jack sighed as he reached up to massage his pulsating temples.
Sam was so good a head massages, he thought suddenly, longing for the familiar caress of his wife. But, with the way things were going now, he'd be lucky if she stayed civil to him.
***
Sam slid into the empty seat at the table in the back of the café. "Sorry I'm late, the kids weren't cooperating."
Sara grinned sympathetically. "I can understand, Jason never wants to do what he's told."
"He's started walking now, hasn't he?"
The older woman blew out a long breath. "Oh yeah." She and Sam shared a knowing smile.
"How's Frank doing?"
"Good. Can you believe that we've almost been married three years? And still completely in love." Sara had a dreamy look on her face and Sam couldn't suppress the wave of envy that ran through her. "What about you? I haven't seen you in months, where have you been?" Sara asked, signaling for the waitress to come over.
"Latte, please." Sam told the waitress, waiting for Sara to place her order before turning back to their conversation. "I've been busy."
"Obviously. How are you and Jack doing? It was your five year anniversary a few weeks ago, wasn't it?"
Had everyone but her remembered their anniversary, Sam wondered. "Actually, Jack and I are separated. I'm filing for divorce."
"What? Why?"
Sam sighed and looked at the tabletop for a moment before replying. "Jack went MIA for a while, and when we found him he was…..otherwise occupied."
"Otherwise occupied?"
"I walked in on him and another woman." She admitted.
Sara's hand flew to her mouth. "Oh God! Are we talking about the same man here? The Jack that I know wouldn't do that to you."
"Well, he did."
Sara's mouth hung slack. The Jack O'Neill that she had known and loved for over ten years wasn't at all like the man that Sam was describing.
"We were having problems," Sam continued in a soft, sad voice. "I had a miscarriage late last year and I was, and am, in so much pain that I stopped letting anyone touch me. It just hurt too damn much."
"Even Jack?" Sara guessed, sipping her coffee. Sam nodded sadly, her eyes downcast in shame. "Honey, you and I both know what a tactile person Jack is. If he can't talk with his hands, then he doesn't really communicate."
Sam bit her lip as tears formed in her eyes once again. "We just reached a point where we weren't communicating at all. It was several months ago when we stopped touching. I just couldn't stand the pain when he touched me." She admitted quietly.
"Did you tell him how much it hurt? He was there after the accident, he knew that you were in pain, but did you tell him that it still bothers you?"
A few lone tears slipped down her cheeks and Sara immediately noticed the catch in her friend's voice. "No…..and I realize now that I should have."
"What happened?" Sara asked again, resting a comforting hand on Sam's trembling one.
"Jack got…..lost and he was MIA for three months." Sara nodded, she had been a military wife long enough to know the abbreviation and what it meant. "He didn't think that he would get home. When we finally got to him, I walked in on him and another woman."
Briefly, Sara wondered where on Earth he could have possibly been, but she dismissed the thought, instinctively knowing that the answer would be `classified.' She had no idea what she could say to her friend. Should she offer weak platitudes to Sam when it would mean nothing? No, she decided, their friendship was about honesty. "I know that this is a dumb question, but are you okay? You look pale and exhausted."
"I am." Sam nodded. "I actually fainted in my office a few weeks ago…..Jack was there, he carried me to the infirmary on base."
"If I know Jack," Sara began, wondering if she really did know him at all. "Then he would have stayed by your bedside the entire time."
"He did." Sam confirmed.
"He loves you Sam, he has since the night that you and I met." The older woman's eyes held no hostility and Sam was, once again, amazed at her generosity.
"I know that he loves me," Sam agreed. "But I don't know if I trust him."
And that, Sara realized, was their problem.
***
The General had called him into his office again.
Jack noticed that this was getting to be a regular occurrence and he could only pray that there wasn't another `off the record' kind of mission involved.
"Sir?" He asked, knocking lightly on the doorframe before entering and closing the door behind him.
"Have a seat Jack."
"Yes sir. You wanted to see me?"
George nodded. "How are things between yourself and Doctor Carter?" He asked, having heard about her decision to revert to her maiden name.
"Not so good sir." Jack admitted with a sigh.
"I gather that the divorce is still on the cards?" He asked sadly.
They were his two finest officers, and he was closer to them than his own children, which made it even harder for him to watch them go through this.
Jack nodded, his shoulders once again slumped. "Sam told me to contact a lawyer, so I'd say so."
"Do you want her removed from SG-1?"
"I don't have a death wish, sir."
Hammond couldn't help but smile, it was the first joke that Jack had cracked since long before the Edora incident. "I had to check. SG-1 is due to be placed back on the mission list, but if you feel that yourself and Doctor Carter are unable to work together, then we can remove her form your team."
"Sir, Sam and I will be professional."
"I though so, but you understand that I had to check."
"Yes sir."
The General dismissed him and Jack went to her lab to tell her about their next mission, which would be later in the week.
"Doctor Carter?" He called.
Jack hated calling his own wife that, it was like she was really trying to cut off all ties to him, which made their divorce seem all the more real. Receiving no answer, Jack tried again.
"Sam?" Still no answer.
He knew that she'd be annoyed at the use of her nickname, but at least he'd get a response. "Sammie?"
He saw her lying over her computers, her face on the keyboard. She was asleep again, and Jack was starting to get very concerned about her health.
Walking over to her, he gently shook her shoulder. "'M awake." She mumbled.
"Come on, get up." He ordered, his voice soft in the quiet lab.
"I'm not feeling too good." She muttered, turning her head to empty the contents of her stomach on the lab's floor.
He rubbed her back in soothing motions as she continued to dry heave. "Come on, infirmary." He told her.
"I don't think I can get up." She mumbled into her sleeve, wiping her mouth.
Despite knowing that she'd be pissed at him for it, he picked her up in his arms, surprised when she relaxed in his embrace, weaving her arms around his neck and burying her face in his chest.
He carried her to the elevator, down the three floors to the infirmary and laid her on the first gurney that he could find. "Janet?" He called.
The doctor came into the room, carrying Sam's chart with her. "What's wrong?" She asked.
Jack pointed to his once again sleeping wife. "I found Sam asleep in her lab again, and she's just been sick."
"I'll run some more tests, but I doubt that we'll find anything." Janet promised, ushering him out of her infirmary so that she could perform the tests on Sam.
Her friend woke up halfway through the tests, disorientated and confused. She remembered being in her lab, but how did she end up in the infirmary? Then she remembered Jack being there while she was sick. "Janet?"
The doctor smiled encouragingly. "I'm just running some tests, honey."
"Exhaustion?" Sam asked, suppressing the yawn that threatened to escape her mouth.
Janet shook her head. "I don't think so."
Sam's blue eyes, clouded with tiredness, showed her confusion. "Then what?"
Quickly scanning her file, Janet turned back to face her worried friend. "Sam……honey, when was your last period?"
"My last period? God, just before Jack came home from…..oh no!" She shook her head worriedly. "No, Janet you can't possibly think……"
Janet couldn't help but have tears form in her eyes, knowing what this could mean for her friends. "Honey I'm sorry but the signs are there."
"But you ran tests before and they showed up nothing!" Sam protested.
The last thing that she needed now on top of everything else was another baby. Could she raise three kids on her own? What if she had twins again? Jack's family had a history of twins, what if it happened again? A single mother of four? It was hard enough being a single mother of two, even with Jack taking the kids every chance he got, she couldn't handle anything else at the moment.
"The Naquadah in your blood could have been concealing it…..Sam, I don't know anything for sure yet, but you need to be prepared for the possibility."
"You think I'm pregnant?" Sam asked quietly.
"I think that it's a real possibility, yes. The timing would match, and you've had all the signs. Morning sickness kicked in about three and a half months into your pregnancy with the twins, didn't it?"
Sam continued to shake her head, refusing to even accept the possibility. "Yes….but it was only a little. And I didn't know what it was at the time! I thought I had a stomach bug."
"Honey, I know that you really don't need this now, but you need to face the fact that there is a chance."
"You're right Jan, I don't need this now…..I can't handle this right now." She was ashamed to feel tears prick her eyes again. She couldn't count how many hours she had spent crying over the last few months. "What happens if I am?"
"That's your decision Sam."
"If I was….then I'd be about four months along, wouldn't I?" Sam asked, trying to do the mental calculations herself.
Janet nodded in confirmation. "Almost four months, yes."
"But, I thought you said that after my experience with Jolinar, I wouldn't be able to have any more children? I had the miscarriage at three months, why hasn't it happened this time?"
"I said that it was a real possibility, yes, but we didn't know for sure. Your miscarriage could have been an isolated incident. It happens to one in four women throughout their life, maybe you were just unlucky that time." Janet shrugged, wishing that she had the answer for her dismayed friend.
Sam scrubbed her hands over her face, unwilling, or unable, to believe that after everything that had been thrown at her in the last year, this had to happen to. "How big is the chance of me being pregnant?" She finally asked.
"Pretty big." Janet admitted. "I ran a blood test after you fainted, but it came back with nothing, probably because of the Naquadah. Have you noticed your clothes starting to get too small? Breast tenderness? Dizziness? Any water retention?"
"I know the damn signs!" She snapped, instantly regretting it. "Jan, I'm sorry, it's just that…..I know the signs, and as you're saying them, I'm realizing that I have them"
Janet shook her head. "Honey, it's okay. I know that this is a shock, and we don't know for sure….."
"I do know."
"What are you going to do?"
"Well, it's too late to get rid of it…..not that I could."
Janet had expected that. Sam loved her children, and both she and Jack had been equally devastated when she'd had her miscarriage. They'd both said that they wanted more children, but that had been before their marriage had turned so sour. "Are you going to tell Jack?"
Sam's face took on a panicked expression. "Oh God…..I don't know."
"Let me do a test and see what it comes back with. It may just be stress."
Sam nodded. "Do the test, but I'm pretty sure that it's not a false alarm."
Janet silently agreed with her.
***
It was Jack's turn to have the kids.
He'd gotten a small place not far from her house, said that he could be there in five if she ever needed him. Not that she planned to ask if she could help it. Heidi and Jay had been constantly nagging at her to see their father, so the first weekend that he had off, she virtually dumped the kids on his doorstep with their bags and told him that it was `his turn.'
The house was quiet, and it was a rarity with two kids normally running around. She'd taken care of all the mundane chores earlier in the day, and now Sam had the next forty-eight hours to herself.
Now, if she could keep her head out of the toilet long enough to enjoy it, she'd be fine.
Janet said that the early morning sickness was probably due to stress, since she had hardly had any sickness when she was carrying the twins. She'd confirmed the pregnancy a week ago, and ever since had been asking when she was going to tell Jack.
She didn't think she had the courage.
***
Jack had to admit that it was pretty sad when your six-year-old son could wipe the floor with you at a game of Mario.
Heidi looked up from the picture that she was drawing to watch her father and brother battle against each other on their play- station. "Daddy? What does death mean?"
Turning his attention away from the split-screen display on his television that was telling him that he'd just crashed his Mario cart and Jay had won, Jack turned his attention to his daughter. "What makes you ask that?"
"I wanna know." She told him, forgetting the crayon's she was using and moving to sit on his lap. "What does death mean?"
Jack swallowed hard. He and Sam had agreed that they would tell the kids what death meant, but they had planned to wait a while before springing it on them. "Honey, you don't need to worry about that at the moment."
Heidi's blue eyes looked up at him, wide with confusion. "Mike at school says that his Daddy died and he never came back."
Jack smiled in what he hoped was a reassuring manner at his daughter. "Well, I'm not going anywhere, so you don't need to worry."
She shook her head, unaware that her pigtails were hitting him in the face. "Not you, mommy."
"Mommy's not going to die, honey."
Jay finally left the clutches of Mario and the television and came to sit next to Jack. "But she's sick."
"Guys, you're Mom isn't sick." At least, he hoped not. Briefly, Jack wondered if Sam would tell him if she were sick. He liked to think that she would, but with things the way they were at the moment, he just wasn't sure.
Heidi had that confused look that Jack suspected she got from him on her face again. "But she has a bad tummy."
Jack recognized Heidi's way of saying that her mother had been vomiting recently and he had to wonder what was wrong with her. Did she have a virus? Something more serious, perhaps? He hoped not. "Maybe something she ate didn't like her." He offered.
"But she's doing it a lot Dad." Jay protested.
"How long?" Jack asked. He hated having to pump his children for information about his wife, but he suspected that it was the only way he'd ever find out.
"A week."
A week? God, she must feel awful. No wonder she'd been so eager for him to have the kids all weekend, Jack mused. When he'd asked her about the possibility of him having the kids overnight, he'd honestly expected Sam to say no. Heidi and Jay hadn't spent a night away from her since their separation
But when she'd readily agreed to the prospect, he had been too happy to even consider her reasoning. He'd only broached the subject with her the other day, and as soon as she'd learned that he had the weekend off, the kids had been on his doorstep.
Jack smiled at the twins. "Don't worry, I'm sure she'll be fine."
He hoped.
***
When the doorbell rang, Sam was reluctant to move.
It couldn't be Jack. Heidi and Jay weren't coming home until Sunday evening, and it had only just gone ten. It shouldn't be the base, it was Saturday, after ten in the evening, and she'd told them to call her *only* if it was an emergency. Janet had backed her up, telling her to get some rest.
Finally deciding that if it was a door-to-door salesman, she'd shoot him, Sam moved to the door, surprised to see Teal'c standing on the other side, a bunch of flowers in his large hand.
"Teal'c?" She asked in surprise. Of all the people that she had expected to be at her doorstep, he hadn't been one of them.
He inclined his head in her direction. "Samantha, may I have permission to enter you residence?"
She smiled, even using her first name, Teal'c was still so proper. "Sure, come in. I was going to make some coffee," Actually, she was going to cry herself to sleep, but he didn't need to know that. "Would you like something?"
"Yes, thank you." He nodded, handing her the flowers.
Sam stepped back to allow Teal'c into the house. "Is coffee alright?" She asked, scanning the room for a vase.
"Coffee would be most acceptable."
Following him into the kitchen, Sam turned the kettle on and pulled a vase form the cupboard. "Thank you for the flowers Teal'c, they're lovely."
"You are most welcome. I spoke to Doctor Fraiser and she suggested that if I were to visit you that I should bring you a gift. She said that it was a custom to give a female a gift when she is unhappy. Do my flowers prove to be sufficient in the task of making you happy?" He was so serious that Sam couldn't help but giggle a little.
She smiled, her giggles dying down slightly. "Yes, they do. Thank you Teal'c. It was sweet of you, but you didn't have to do it."
"Doctor Fraiser also told me that you would say that."
Sam smiled, Janet certainly knew her too well. "Do you want cream in your coffee?" She asked.
"No thank you."
She rolled her eyes and nodded. "Right. Black. You've been spending too much time with Daniel."
Teal'c cocked his head, confused. "Daniel Jackson is a part of SG-1, as am I, how would it be possible to spend less time with him?"
Sam nodded and poured out their coffee. "So….not that it isn't nice to see you or anything, but why are you here?"
"I was concerned for your welfare. I wished to ascertain that you were well. You seem to be distracted at the SGC."
"I'm fine Teal'c, really." She smiled, but even she felt that it was forced.
"You and O'Neill remain apart?" He asked, ever tactful.
She pursed her lips together and took a long sip of her coffee. "Yes Teal'c. We're still separated. We're getting a divorce, remember?"
"I must be truthful and tell you that I did not expect you and O'Neill to remain apart for such a lengthy period of time." His admission was softly spoken and his voice was gentle.
She shook her head, pointedly ignored the tears in her eyes as she spoke. "I can't forgive him Teal'c. I know that everyone expects me to, but I just can't. It's too hard."
"You feel betrayed."
Sam nodded sadly. "Yes. Among other things."
"You feel that no one understands you pain?"
She had to admit, he had a point. "Yes."
"If you remember correctly Samantha, my wife married another when she returned to Chulak, I also know your pain."
Sam hadn't forgotten the mission where they'd gone back to Chulak, only to find that his wife had married another man, his best friend to be exact. She hadn't known what to say to him after that, but Teal'c, being Teal'c had simply moved on in silence.
"I didn't think…..Teal'c, I'm sorry."
Teal'c shook his head. "You have no reason to apologize to me Samantha, I am merely pointing out that I know your pain. I learnt to forgive Drey'ac, surely you could learn to forgive O'Neill."
"But I don't know if I *want* to forgive him Teal'c, that's part of my problem."
"Even though your are with child?"
Sam blinked, stared at the man sitting across the breakfast bar from her, blinked again, took a sip of her coffee and blinked again. "I…..you…..how did you…..?"
Teal'c looked at her, his head tilted to the side in a curious fashion as she fought for words. "My larvae can sense the Naquadah within your growing child."
"Oh….." She hadn't thought about that. "Will it effect the baby?"
"It will not harm the child of a Jaffa. Perhaps you should have Doctor Fraiser examine you to ensure that the Naquadah shall do your child no harm."
She hadn't thought about that either. "I will. Teal'c…..you know that you can't tell anyone about the baby, right? I don't want anyone to know."
His head tilted to the side again. "Will it not soon become apparent as your abdomen begins to swell?" He asked bluntly.
Sam sighed heavily, his logic could be annoying sometimes. "Yes…..But I don't want people to know yet."
"I believe that you mean you do not wish for O'Neill to know of his child? Am I correct?"
She looked down, ashamed. "Yes…."
"For what reason do you wish to hide the truth from him? Did you not tell me that you regretted hiding the paternity of Heidi and Jay? Why would you wish to repeat the same course of action?"
"Because if I tell him, then he's just going to try harder to get our marriage back on track. I don't want that Teal'c. I just want to move on from this." Sam sighed and took another sip of her coffee.
It was cold.
The coffee that she had given Teal'c was probably cold too, but he continued to drink it anyway. "But should he not still be informed?"
"I will tell him…..I just don't know when….." She looked at her friend. "You're not going to say anything, are you?"
He looked at her long and hard. "It is not my place to say anything to O'Neill, however I do not agree with your decision."
"I know Teal'c. And I'm sorry that you're in this position. You weren't supposed to know. I wanted to get the divorce out of the way, and then tell people." She shook her head as the tears finally fell. Damn hormones. "God, everything is so screwed up."
Teal'c pulled her into a hug as she sobbed into his chest. "Samantha Carter, I did not wish to make you upset. It was not my intention. However, as I obviously have, I believe that it is my responsibility to make you feel happiness again. Should I purchase more flowers?"
She giggled. "Thanks for the offer."
"My proposal was sincere."
"I know."
"Perhaps you should rest."
She nodded, stifling a yawn at the mention of sleep. "Thanks Teal'c. Do you want to stay on the couch?"
"I will Kel'no'reem outside of your bedroom to ensure your safety."
Sam thought about telling him that she would be okay, but decided that the thought of someone keeping an eye on her was appealing so she nodded. "You know where everything is, help yourself."
Teal'c nodded and Sam left him to crawl in to bed, safe in the knowledge that her friend was looking out for her.
***
He couldn't sleep.
Jack had been lying in bed for the past three hours, the light breathing of his children floating into his room from across the hall, and all he could do was stare at the ceiling, counting the cracks in the paint work.
There were 53.
Ever since Heidi and Jay had mentioned Sam being sick, all his brain was doing was coming up with the worst case scenarios about what could be wrong with her.
What he should have done was called her when it wasn't after midnight and asked her what the hell was wrong. Chances are, she would have said `nothing' and hung up on him, but at least maybe then he would have been able to get some sleep.
"Daddy?"
Jack sat up to see Jay standing in the doorway, clutching his beloved teddy bear in his arms. "What's up sport?"
Jay walked over and climbed up onto the queen bed that Jack had brought to sleep in. "I can't sleep."
"Why not?"
"I don't wanna go back to Mommy." He admitted in a small voice.
"Sport? Why don't you want to go back to your mom?" Jack asked, shocked. Jay loved his mom, what had brought this on?
Jay shrugged. "I want to live with you Daddy. Can't I stay with you?"
Jack shook his head. Yes, he did want to be with his children, but he wouldn't be responsible for taking them away from Sam. "Jay…..it doesn't work like that. Your mom loves you, she'd be sad if you left her and Heidi alone."
"But I miss you Dad! Why can't you live with us?"
Scrubbing his hands over his face, Jack sighed. "Jay, we've had this discussion before. Your mom and I aren't together anymore, so we're not living together."
"It's not fair!"
"I know sport, but that's the way it is."
Jay cuddled up to his father, yawning. "Can't I just stay with you?"
"Go to sleep Jay, we'll talk about this later."
Closing his son's example, Jack closed his eyes and tried to get to sleep.
***
The kids would be home soon, the house was a mess, there was her uneaten lunch still sitting on the coffee table but she was too nauseous to go near it, she was still wearing her pajama's, her hair was a mess and she needed to rinse her mouth out before she was sick again from the residual taste of the last time.
Great.
Teal'c had stayed for breakfast but he'd had to return to the base, so she'd been pottering around the house in between sporadic bursts of vomiting and dry heaving. God, she thought that her pregnancy with the Twins had been hard, and she hadn't had morning sickness then.
Jack was going to be there shortly, and she really didn't want to answer the door looking like an absolute mess and then have to explain it to him…..
"Sam you home?"
Oh wasn't his timing *perfect*?
"Hang on!" She called, desperately scrambling for some clothes. She threw her lunch, plate included, into the bin, grabbed a mint and tugged on some jeans and a shirt. It was some five-minute's later when she finally got to the door. "Sorry, I was in the middle of something." She smiled, hoping that the mint had taken effect.
He smiled gently. "No, s'ok."
Heidi ran towards her mother and hugged her legs excitedly but Sam didn't fail to notice Jay's reluctance to leave his father's side. "Jay?" Sam asked. She noticed the small push that Jack gave him that made him step towards her and into her arms.
She looked at Jack questionably but he just smiled encouragingly at her. She accepted his smile and hugged her children.
"Is your tummy better?" Heidi asked and Sam inwardly groaned.
Sam didn't look at Jack as she spoke, worried about what he would say, what he must think. "Um…yeah, honey. I'm feeling better now."
Heidi continued, ignorant to Sam's discomfort. "Daddy said that you're food didn't like you. Why didn't it like your tummy?"
"I don't know honey. Sometimes food just doesn't like you." Heidi nodded, accepting the answer. "Why don't you and Jay go and put your bags in your room while I talk to daddy?" She asked, nodding them towards their bedrooms.
The kids left the doorway and Sam ushered Jack inside to the living room. He sat down next to her on the lounge and she turned to face him. "You feeling okay?" He asked quietly.
She smiled lightly. "Yeah, like you told the kids, I think something just didn't agree with me."
"You want me to take the kids again tonight?" He offered.
"Thanks for the offer, but I'm feeling better now, we should be okay." Actually, the smell of his after-shave, the one she'd brought him, was making her want to be sick again, but she wasn't about to tell him that.
"If your sure."
Sam nodded. "Um, I didn't get the chance to tell you the other morning, but we have our arbitration on Tuesday after noon."
"Arbitration?" He asked.
Sam wanted to groan. Did he really not know the procedure or was he just trying to get her to talk about the divorce? "Legally, you have to have a one year separation before you can get divorced."
"Really? Sara and I didn't."
"You would have. You and Sara had been separated for a year before you signed the papers." She pointed out and he nodded. "Well, because we've only been separated for four months, we have to have an arbitration. Basically, we'll have our lawyers and a judge in the room. They ask question, we answer and then we sign the papers." She felt more than a little uncomfortable being so blaze about their impending divorce, but she was trying to keep what little food she had left in her stomach down.
Jack sighed, and for the first time, Sam noticed how defeated he looked. "What time?"
"One. The kids will still be in school then, so I won't have to worry about picking them up."
Jack nodded just as the kids re-entered the room. "Sure. I'll be there. With bells on any everything."
He still had the ability to make her smile, even after everything that had happened. She was glad that some things never really change. "Okay." Sam nodded and turned to face the kids. "Did you put your stuff away?" Heidi nodded, proud. "Jay?" Sam asked her suspiciously quiet son.
"I wanna go with Dad." He told her.
"Jay?" Sam repeated, shocked.
He looked at the carpet, his voice quiet. "I want to stay with daddy. Why won't you let him stay here?"
Sam looked accusingly at Jack, but he shook his head. "Jay….honey, we've already talked about this."
"But I don't want him to go!" The little boy protested angrily. "Why are you sending daddy away?"
"Jay, don't speak to your mom like that!" Jack snapped.
"No, Jack, it's fine." She lied, ignoring the tears, "You can stay with your father if you want to Jay."
"Sam…..?"
"It's fine. Heidi, do you want to go to?" Sam asked, turning her attention to her silent daughter.
The little girl looked petrified to answer. "Um….."
"It's okay Heidi, you can go if you want to."
She looked back and forth between her parents for a long minute, confused. "I want to stay with mommy and daddy."
"Honey, it doesn't work like that. You can stay here with me or you can go with Jay and your dad." God, Sam felt like a monster making her daughter choose between her parents, but she didn't know what else to do.
"Can I go with daddy?" She asked in a small voice.
Sam smiled despite the tear that was slowly slipping down her cheek. "Sure honey, go and pack your bags, okay?"
The kids ran, happily to their room.
"Sammie….."
"Don't Jack, just take them and go." She snapped, fleeing to the bathroom to empty her stomach again.
***
Sam sat nervously fiddling with her hands as she waited for the judge to arrive. Today, of all days, she was desperately hoping that she could keep her stomach in check. She had purposely not eaten since yesterday morning to avoid having to make an undignified exit during the arbitration.
After Jack had taken the kids back to his place on Sunday, Sam had done nothing but cry for two solid hours. The kids had come home the previous night because Jack had needed to catch up on some paperwork, but Jay had barely spoken to her and Heidi had been so quiet and confused.
God, what if the kids didn't want to stay with her at all?
"Relax Sam." Mark, her lawyer, whispered.
She nodded and smiled. "Sure. Easier said than done." She lightly touched her slightly swollen abdomen. It wasn't noticeable yet, but she knew that it wouldn't be long now and she wanted the divorce over and done with before it became obvious.
Jack and his lawyer were already inside the room, waiting for the judge like they were, but Sam didn't think she could sit in there with him with their lawyers screening everything that they said.
Mark turned his attention back to her. "When this is over, would you like to got and get a celebratory drink?"
Her lawyer was *hitting* on her? On the day of her divorce? And when had he gotten that close? "Uh…..thanks, but no thanks."
"Well then, what are you going to do afterwards?"
He was *leering* now? God…."I'm going to pick up my twins from school, go home and cook them dinner before I vomit. Yes, morning sickness is a bitch, ain't it?"
"You're pregnant?" He looked positively repulsed at the idea.
She gave him a patronizing look. "Yes, which you already knew, remember? Look, I'm going to the bathroom, why don't you read over my file and familiarize yourself with this case before I get back?"
Sam left before he had the chance to reply, and spent a little extra time in the bathroom, hoping that her idiot lawyer would be slightly more intelligent when she got back, but she doubted it.
By the time she did get back he was, however, once again up to speed on her love-life and ready to go into the arbitration room where the judge was waiting.
"I'm sorry we're late," Mark apologized, holding out her chair as she sat opposite Jack, turning to face the judge.
The judge nodded. "It's quite alright."
"Shall we begin?" Jack's lawyer, Sam thought his name was Peter, but she wasn't sure, asked.
"Certainly." The judge agreed. "Now, as I understand it, we're here for this arbitration because Miss Carter and Mr. O'Neill haven't been separated for twelve months, is that correct?"
Sam nodded. "Yes, your Honor."
"Might I ask why?"
She briefly looked at Jack, who gestured for her to answer before turning back to the judge. "I, we, wanted to get this over and done with as soon as possible."
The judge nodded and scribbled that information on his notepad. "What is you reasoning?"
"Irreconcilable differences." Sam answered automatically.
The judges sighed and Sam swallowed hard when he directed his attention to her. "Miss Carter, I don't know if you are aware or not, but you can't file for divorce under `Irreconcilable differences' unless you've had the twelve month separation. Now, if you'd like to come back in eight months, you can file for divorce under that claim, otherwise, you need to change your reasoning. "
"Infidelity." Sam answered automatically.
"You had an affair?" The judge asked her.
"No your honor, I did." Jack answered and Sam was surprised to hear him say it.
"I see."
"My client, Miss Carter would like this to be as quick and painless as possible. They have twins together." Mark spoke up, and Sam was surprised to see a professional replacing the man that had been staring at her cleavage not five minute's beforehand.
"Who is filling for custody of the children?" The judge asked, looking at first Jack and then Sam
Jack spoke up, not once faulting as he did. "Sam will have the kids mainly, but I'll have access to them."
"You have a private agreement worked out?"
Jack's lawyer nodded. "Yes your honor, My client and Miss Carter have previously discussed it and have reached an agreement concerning their children."
The judge turned to Sam. "Okay. Miss Carter, I assume that since you are the one filling for this divorce, that you wish to proceed?"
She breathed a sigh of relief, it's almost over, she told herself. "Yes your honor."
"And Mr. O'Neill? Do you wish to proceed also?"
Jack shook his head. "No your honor."
"Jack?"
He shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry Sam, but you know that I don't want this. You know that I want to be with you and the kids and that I want to make our marriage work. I'm not going to lie to the judge about it."
"Jack….we talked about this!"
"No, you talked. What do you want me to do Sam? Give up on us? I love you, you know that, but I won't lie so that you can get your divorce. I won't give up."
"You gave up when you screwed Laira, Jack." She snapped, angry at herself for letting this come out now, and angry at him for putting her in this position. Damn it, she'd done nothing wrong.
So why did she feel like the traitor?
Jack's reply, however colourful it may have been, was cut off by Mark speaking. "Mr. O'Neill are you aware that Miss Carter is pregnant?" he asked, ignoring Sam's gasp of horror.
Oh God….he wasn't supposed to find out like this! "Sammie…..?" Jack asked, turning to face her, his eyes wide with hope.
"Are you also aware that you aren't the father of her child?" Mark continued and Sam saw the hope drain from his eyes to be replaced with a heartbreaking sorrow.
"No," Jack replied, his voice hoarse and thick with emotion and the tears in his eyes. "I wasn't aware of that."
"Miss Carter?" The judge asked.
"Yes your honor, I'm pregnant." She replied, her eyes low. She could feel Jack's gaze burning into her, but she couldn't find the strength or the will to meet it.
"Who's the father?" Jack asked quietly.
"Me." Mark grinned proudly and Sam had to fight the wave of nausea that threatened to overcome her. "So, as you can tell, she obviously wants to be with the father of her child. I believe that we can wrap this up then." Mark grinned, clasping his hands together happily.
"No."
Mark tried to grab her had but she tugged it away. "Excuse me? Sammie?" he lent closer to her and whispered in her ear. "If you want this over with quickly then I suggest you play along."
"No." She stood up, gasping as she felt the world spin.
Before she knew anyone had moved, Jack was by her side in an instant, holding her upright as she lent into him. "Sammie?" He whispered.
She managed to whisper "Yours Jack" Before slipping into a peaceful oblivion.
***
Janet sat down in her office chair, happy to have moment of peace. She spared a brief though to Sam and Jack, who would still be in the arbitration, but her mind was quickly full with thoughts of her aching feet.
"Honey?"
The exhausted doctor looked up to see her husband leaning against the frame of her office door. "I was just thinking that I could use one of your foot rubs." She smiled.
Nodding, Daniel came to kneel at her feet, pulling them out of the uncomfortable shoes that she wore. "Tough day?" He murmured, beginning a slow caress on the soles of her feet.
"Long day," She amended. "SG-3 got into a firefight with a battalion of Jaffa, and I spent six hours in the operating theater trying to save Lt. Johnson's leg."
"Will be okay?"
"Yes…..it looks good for now." She smiled appreciatively as his talented fingers continued to ease the ache of her feet. "He should make a full recovery. And with some intense physiotherapy, he should be fully functional within months."
Daniel nodded. "That's good." He sighed a little and Janet looked down at him in concern.
"Danny? What's wrong?"
He smiled up at her. "Nothing really, I was just thinking about Sam and Jack." He admitted.
"Their arbitration?" Janet guessed and Daniel nodded. "Yeah, I was thinking about that too."
"I have to admit, I didn't really think that Sam would go this far. I mean, I know that he betrayed her, but she's told me on more than one occasion that she still loves him. I guess I was hoping that they'd work out their problems." He admitted.
"You romantic!" She teased.
"Don't tell anyone," He told her, his tone urgent.
Janet laughed delightedly. "In all seriousness, I think that the only thing we can do is let them deal with it and just be there for them."
"I know, but it's just so hard to see, especially with Heidi and Jay involved," He looked at his wife who had her eyes closed in pleasure at his ministrations. "And with another baby on the way, it complicates things further."
His caressing hands were forgotten as Janet's eyes snapped open. "What?"
Daniel smiled gently at her shocked expression. "Honey, I know the signs. Sam's got all the same symptoms that you had when you were pregnant with Megan." He reminded her.
"When did you figure it out?" She asked.
He shrugged a little. "I guessed a few days ago, but I was waiting for you to confirm or deny."
Janet sighed, she'd wanted to tell her husband, she hated keeping secrets from him, but that would only have made Sam more stressed, and she didn't need that at the moment. "I couldn't Dan! I wanted to tell you, but I can't breech Doctor patient confidentiality, you know that."
"Honey, it's okay, I understand." He smiled at her.
Janet's reply was cut off as her phone rang, and praying that it wasn't another emergency, she sighed and picked up the receiver. "Doctor Fraiser speaking. Yes? Put him through."
Daniel looked at his wife with concern. "Who is it?"
"Jack." She replied.
"Janet?"
"Yeah, it's me Jack, what's wrong?" She asked.
He was obviously on his cell phone, she could tell by the fading static. "Sam collapsed in the arbitration!"
"What? Where are you?"
"We're in the ambulance, on the way to Colorado Medical. Can you meet us there, you know Sam's medical health better than anyone else." He asked.
Janet nodded, even though she knew that he couldn't see the action. "Of course. What did the paramedic's say?" She asked, pulling on her shoes and fumbling for her keys.
She heard Jack sigh. "They said that she's having regular contractions and they need to stop the labor…..Jan, why didn't you tell me?"
"You know I couldn't Jack."
Jack sighed again and Janet felt even guiltier for not persuading Sam to tell her husband about the baby sooner. "Yeah I know….it's just so hard to see her go through this again."
"I know Jack. Look, I'll be there in twenty, okay? Warn her Doctors not to give her any medication until I get there."
"No medication?" Jack asked, shocked.
"Jack, Jolinar really screwed her up, if they give her the wrong antibiotics then it could be fatal to both her and the baby."
"Understood. See you there."
Janet hung the phone up and grabbed her coat. "Sam's gone into early labor, I have to get to the hospital. Tell the General and meet me there." She ordered, running out of the room before he had the opportunity to reply.
***
Sam lay limply on the bed, exhausted.
Her contractions were coming every minute and Doctor Windsor said that she was beginning to dilate. There was a cool washer on her forehead, and she assumed that Jack had put it there.
He'd been with her since she'd woken up in the ambulance, whispering comforting, nonsensical words to her. She could feel his hand holding hers, but her eyes refused to open to look at him.
Gasping in pain as another contraction hit, Sam groaned.
Jack stroked her abdomen lightly, the pressure enough to ease some of her pain. "It's okay baby," He murmured and Sam told herself to focus on the sound of his voice. "It's going to be okay."
"Jack….." She moaned, feeling the beads of sweat falling from her forehead. "I'm…." Her words were cut off as she gasped again.
"It's all right Sammie, don't try to talk."
"No. I'm sorry." She whispered.
"We'll talk about it later." He told her.
"Jack!"
He turned to see Janet running into the room, Doctor Windsor behind her. "Have you given her anything?" Janet asked, checking over Sam's vitals.
Doctor Windsor stood behind her, watching her work. "No, Mr. O'Neill told us not too because of a chemical spill she was involved in a few years ago."
Janet nodded and began to throw a list of compatible drugs for her friend at the other Doctor. Sam's moan of pain interrupted their discussion and Janet turned to the frightened woman on the bed. "It's okay Honey, everything is going to be fine." She smiled reassuringly and Doctor Windsor left the room to get the drug that he and Janet had agreed on.
"Braxton Hicks?" Sam asked.
Tears formed in Janet's eyes as she shook her head. "I'm afraid not sweetie. You've gone into a very premature labor, and we're going to give you something to try and stop it. You need to relax though, okay?"
Sam nodded, biting her lip in pain. "The baby?"
"We'll do our best, I promise."
"I need to organize someone to pick up the twins from school." Jack told them, his brow creased with worry.
Janet shook her head reassuringly. "Don't worry Jack, I called the sitter from my car."
He nodded, turning his attention back to his distraught wife. "You're gonna be okay Sammie," He whispered quietly. "You're gonna be okay."
Janet hoped that his words were true.
***
She'd been there for three days.
Jack had left her side only to use the bathroom, call a nurse or pick up the kids to come and see her. Despite Sam's best intentions, she and Jack hadn't spoken about their situation at all.
Sam had wanted to, and she tried. But each time she had broached the subject, Jack had hushed her and told her not to worry.
How was she supposed to do that? She was barely awake long enough for anyone to tell her anything, she didn't know if her baby was okay or not and she had to tell her husband how much he meant to her.
But, she told herself firmly, he was going to have a long talk to her today, whether he liked it or not. If they didn't sort this out now, when things were steady between them, then when she got out of hospital, everything would go back to the way it was.
She'd been awake for a little over half an hour earlier, and she remembered Janet telling her that she'd be okay. And that she would be able to go home soon. Home…..without Jack, she wasn't sure where that was anymore.
"Sammie?"
Opening her heavy eyelids, Sam watched as Jack placed the large bouquet of flowers by her bedside. She already had three there, one from Janet and Daniel, another from Teal'c and the blue tinged roses that Jack had brought her, just like the ones that she'd had for the wedding.
"Mmm?" She murmured.
"These are from The General. He told me to tell you that he's called Dad and he'll be here tomorrow."
"Dad?"
"Yeah, he's moving at the moment, but he'll come over home tomorrow to see you. He sends his love."
"Home?" She asked but could barely keep her eyes open, let alone form more than one-word sentences.
"Janet says that you can come home tomorrow." He told her. She didn't missed the fact that he said `come home' but she was too tired to ask. "She wants to keep you on whatever medication you're on, and as long as you rest, then she says it's okay for you to be at home."
She nodded, even that small action proving to be tiring. "Okay."
"She also said that she didn't want you left along, and Megan's been a little unwell lately so she can't stay….."
"You."
Jack nodded, unable to stop from grinning. "Okay."
"Megan?"
"She's got a stomach bug. She'll be okay, but she just needs to rest." He smiled reassuringly and sat on the bed next to her, one hand going to grasp hers, the other resting lightly on her abdomen.
"Baby?"
Jack sighed with relief. "The baby's okay Sam. It was touch and go there for a bit, but if you keep taking the medication, then everything should be okay."
She could feel her eyes beginning to close again, but she needed to know something before she allowed herself the pleasure of slumber again. "My fault?"
He shook his head adamantly. "No Sammie, don't even think that! It's not your fault. Janet says that it may have been the Naquadah in your body from the chemical spill. We don't know why it happened, but I do know that it's not your fault, so don't you even think it, okay?"
She nodded accepting his answer. "Love you."
Jack felt tears of happiness prick his eyes at her words. God, he'd longed to hear her say that for almost a year. "I love you too Sammie."
Drifting off into a more peaceful sleep, Sam smiled.
They were going to be okay.
***
He'd got a wheelchair for her to get her to his truck and he'd refused to let her get herself into the passenger seat. He'd also carried her into the house and straight into bed. He was looking after her, and while it was sweet, fluffing her pillows was a bit much.
At the moment, he was re-arranging her bedside table so that he could fit tissues, his flowers, a cup of tea, her medication and some toast on it.
"Jack! Stop!"
He looked up at her from his study of her medication. "What?"
She sighed at his hurt look. "I know that you're only trying to help but stop fussing over me and sit down, we need to talk before the sitter drops Heidi and Jay home."
Sam noticed that when he perched on the edge of the bed, he didn't touch her. "Okay, what would you like to talk about?"
"Jack….we have to talk about this."
"This?" He repeated.
"Yes. This. Us." She sighed and looked away from him. "Jack, we need to work something out for the kids."
"And the baby." He nodded. "Whatever you want Sam, it's your call. Just tell me what you want and I'll do it."
God, he could be impossible! Why did it have to be her call? She was having a hard enough time trying to decided what she wanted on her toast, let alone what she wanted to do with her marriage. Did she love him? Yes. Did she miss him? Yes. Did she trust him? No.
And that was the problem.
"Look., we both love the kids, that's a given, but they don't want to be away from either of us. And," She admitted, somewhat ruefully, "I'm going to need help around the house so why don't you just move back in."
"Really?"
He looked so happy….."Yes, the fourth room won't be needed as a nursery yet, so I don't see why not."
She may as well have kicked him in the stomach. "Sure Sam, whatever you want."
***
Despite his hurt at her proposal to move back into the house and into the spare room, Jack had done so the next day. The first night, he'd slept next to her. They hadn't touched apart from his hand that was resting on their growing baby, but Jack had gotten the best night sleep that he'd had in a year.
After that night, however, she had made it plainly clear that she didn't want him in her bed again. Even if she had woken up that morning with a lazy smile gracing her beautiful features. So he'd spent the last three weeks sleeping in an uncomfortable bed, knowing that his wife was just across the hall.
It was worse than when he had been living in the hotel, or his apartment. At both of those places, there had been no temptation to sneak into her, their, room and watch her sleep.
"You are not focused O'Neill." Teal'c told him and Jack ducked just in time to miss the right hook that came his way.
"You're right. Want to take a break?" He asked and Teal'c nodded. The two men sat down in the corner of the gym, and Jack took a sip of his water bottle.
Teal'c broke the silence after they settled their breathing. "I have observed that your boxing has not been up to standard today."
"You saying that I sucked?"
"I believe that I am."
He chuckled lightly. "Thanks buddy. I know, I can't keep my mind on anything today."
"You are concerned for Samantha." It was more of a statement than a question.
Jack nodded. "Yeah. She's been home for three weeks and today's the first time that I've left her on her own, I can't help but worry."
"I was under the impression that Doctor Fraiser was spending the day with her?"
"Well….she is, but I want to be there in case something happens." He admitted.
"Are you and Samantha once again together?"
"Kind of. I'm back at home, but I'm sleeping in the spare room."
Teal'c nodded slightly and seemed to mull over the information for a moment before replying. "Would it not be best to approach this situation slowly and cautiously?" He asked.
Jack sighed. He knew that his friend was right, but…. "I know Teal'c, but it doesn't seem like things will ever get back to normal."
"You have betrayed Samantha, things will never again be, as you say `normal.'" He pointed out and Jack nodded in reluctant admission.
"It's hard."
"I expect it would be."
"Why did you forgive you wife for getting with Fro'tar?" Jack asked suddenly.
"She is the mother of my child and I feel much love for her. It did take time, O'Neill, but I learnt to forgive her."
"Sam says she still loves me…..so why can't she forgive me?
Teal'c thought about that, deciding on the best response before he answered. "I suspect that it is different for females."
Jack couldn't argue with that.
***
"Mommy?"
Sam sighed. Janet had just left, Jack would be home within the hour and Jay just would not be quiet for ten minute's.
"Yes?" She asked, forcing herself to quell the anger that swelled within her.
"When is daddy coming home?"
"Soon." She snapped.
Jay looked at his mother, tears in his little brown eyes. Why was she so mad? "Did you send him away again?" He asked in a small voice.
Sam knelt, with some difficulty, down on her knees to face her son and pulled him into her embrace. "No honey, I didn't send him away again."
"Are you going to?" Heidi asked, joining the conversation.
Opening her other arm, Sam waited for Heidi to join their hug. "No, I'm not. Daddy is home now, and he's going to stay, so don't you worry."
"Mommy why is your tummy hitting me?" Heidi asked.
Her hand automatically went to her swollen abdomen and she felt her baby- God, let it only be one! She prayed. At five months pregnant, Sam hadn't even thought that their baby would begin to kick yet. Admittedly, her thoughts had been elsewhere, but she felt ashamed that she hadn't been more excited.
"There's a baby in there." She explained. "You guys are going to have a little brother or sister to play with soon."
"There's a baby in your tummy?" Heidi repeated.
"There definitely is." Sam grinned.
Heidi pulled up the front of her mother's shirt to inspect her stomach. "It's a small baby."
Sam laughed. "It will get bigger, honey."
"Mom? Can I have a brother?" Jay asked.
Ceasing her laughter, Sam looked at the serious features of her son. "I don't know, I have to wait until the baby comes before I know if it's a boy or girl."
"I'd really like a brother." He told her.
"I'll see what I can do. Now, go and pack your things."
"Where are we going mommy?" Heidi asked.
"How about going to stay with Megan now that she's feeling better?" She asked, a plan forming in her mind.
"Yay!"
The twins ran off to grab their clothes and toys and Sam picked up the phone and speed-dialed Daniel and Janet's number.
"Hello?"
"Janet, it's me."
"Sam! Is everything okay?" Her friend asked worriedly.
Sam nodded, even though it was pointless. "Everything is fine. I was just wondering if you could take Heidi and Jay tonight?"
"Sure! Megan would love to see them. Is there something wrong? Or do you just want a break?" Janet asked, concerned.
"I just want some time with my husband." Sam replied.
Janet squealed and Sam laughed at the sound. "Sam I'm so happy for you!"
"Thanks. I'll call you tomorrow, okay? Late tomorrow, more than likely."
"Definitely. Dan says he'll pick the kids up in ten. Be good honey, and have fun. Love you."
"Love you too Jan. Thanks."
Sam hung up the phone, a smile on her face.
***
Jack walked up the path to his front steps, weary. Boxing with Teal'c wasn't a smart idea on a good day and he certainly wasn't at his best at the moment.
Inserting his key into the lock, Jack opened the door and stepped inside. "Guys! I'm home!" He called, dumping his coat on the rack by the door.
He waited for a reply, the squeal of his excited children, but none was forthcoming. He turned around, concerned and gasped at Sam standing before him.
The midnight blue teddy that she wore only just stretched over her swollen abdomen, and with the plunging neckline, it left very little to his suddenly over-active imagination. "Oh sweet Jesus."
"Hi Jack." She smiled seductively, stepping up to press herself flush against his lean body. Grasping his head, she pulled him down and kissed him thoroughly, leaving no room for interpretation of her plans for the evening.
When she finally pulled back, some several moments later, Jack was well and truly breathless. "What was that?" He asked, his breath coming in pants, she hadn't kissed him like that in a long time, too long.
"That was hello."
"*That* was hello?" He repeated, stunned.
"Yes." She nodded, grasping him by the collar of his shirt and dragging him in the direction of their room. "Just wait until you see what welcome home entails."
"I can't wait….." He mumbled, happily following her.
***
He was still breathless by the time any form of coherent thought came back to him. That had to have been two of the best hours that he had ever spent with his wife. And while it was nice, very *very* nice, he had to ask. "What brought that on?"
Sam's breathing was as labored as his was and there was a fine sheen of sweat covering her body as she basked in the after glow. "I felt our baby move today." She admitted sleepily. Snuggling further into his welcoming embrace. Jack stayed silent as she continued to talk, the sound vibrating across his chest. "This doesn't mean that everything is normal between us, it just means that things are getting better."
Jack nodded slightly, he'd expected her to say something along those lines. "I don't expect things to go back to normal, and I don't want them to."
Sleep instantly forgotten, Sam looked up at him. "You don't?" She asked quietly. Did her husband, whom she was beginning to forgive, not love her or want to be with her anymore?
"No. Think about it Sammie, things were bad between us. They had been for a while. I don't want us to go back to that. Ever."
Sam nodded, reluctantly agreeing with his description of their marriage before the situation had happened with Edora. "How did it get so bad?" She asked sadly.
Jack stroked his hand up and down her back, tracing the line of her delicate spine, wondering the same thing. "I don't know. All I do know is that I love you and I want to be with you and make this marriage work again."
"I want that too." She whispered.
***
Every time you speak
Every time you say the things you say
All the pain you put me through starts to melt away
And you say forgive me
And you say you want me back
Keep talking, I'm listening.
Tell me from the heart
Keep talking,
The words may lead you
Back into my heart.
John Farnham, Keep talking I'm listening.
***
Janet slid into the seat opposite Sam and studied her friend for a moment. She was grinning, actually *grinning* and her pregnancy glow had finally kicked in and she looked positively radiant.
"How are you?" Janet asked, despite the fact that she had pretty much guessed the answer.
Sam smiled. "Good."
"Last night went well?" She guessed.
"Yes. Very well." A blush had crept up through her cheeks and Sam lowered her head to hide her grin. "Did the twins behave?"
"Always. But, tell me about last night!" Janet demanded.
"It was……nice."
Janet winced. "Nice? Ouch."
She shook her head. "Not nice as in it was bad, nice as in it was….nice. I don't know what to say, really."
Janet nodded. "Are you guys back together now?"
"I don't know Jan." Sam scrubbed a hand over her face in dismay. "Do I miss him? Yes. Do I want him to be part of the baby's life? Yes. But do I trust him not to hurt me again? I don't know."
Reaching across the table, Janet placed a comforting hand over Sam's. "Honey, you have to do what you think is best for you."
"I have three children to think about Janet." She reminded.
"Yes, I know, but honey, you have to do whatever makes you happy too."
Sam just wished that she knew what that was.
***
He was cooking dinner when she got home.
After having lunch with Janet and giving her all of the information about the previous night, Sam had gone to the base to pick up her laptop. General Hammond had insisted that she take a few days off to relax, and if she had to do that, then she needed some mental stimulation for that duration.
"I'm home!" She called out, dropping her bags by the door.
Jack walked back into the kitchen with an apron tied firmly around his waist. "Hey Dinner will be ready soon." He told her.
She kissed him on the cheek, a little nervous. "What are we having?"
"Just a stir fry. Will the kids be home for dinner?"
Sam shook her head, unlacing her shoes as she spoke. "Janet said that she'd have them again tonight so that we could have a chance to sort out a few things…..she actually made a suggestion today that I think we should talk about." Jack raised his eyebrows and Sam continued. "How would you feel about marriage counseling?" She asked nervously.
"Marriage counseling?" He repeated and she nodded. "Do you think it will help us?"
She licked her lips. "I think it will, yes. Jack, we need to get our marriage back on track and I don't think it'll happen on our own. We need help."
Her last words were admitted as nothing more than a whisper. She was ashamed to admit that she needed help, he realized. Sam had always been the strong one in her family, and admitting that she needed help, to her, was like admitting that she had a weakness. And he knew how she felt about admitting that she had weaknesses.
"We do." He agreed. "When can we make an appointment?"
Sam smiled, glad that he was willing to try this option. "I called the doctors office this morning, they have an appointment free for tomorrow at one and the receptionist is leaving it open for us."
"Take it." Jack nodded. "But….what do we tell the doctor? How do we address our problem?"
Sam understood his meaning immediately. "She has clearance Jack. She worked at the AFAH and she knows about the Stargate program."
"Makes our job a bit easier then." He grinned.
It took a few moments for the thought to register, but Sam got it eventually. "You're happy about this." She realized.
"Of course I am Sam. My wife, whom I thought would never look at me kindly again offers to go to counseling to get our marriage back on track, I'm absolutely thrilled about it."
She smiled, they were going to be okay.
***
"I'm sorry that I'm late."
Sam smiled. "It's alright." They'd been in the Doctor's office waiting for almost half an hour for the appearance of Doctor Katherine `Kat' Hudson.
"I'm not usually this late, I assure you, but there was an emergency with one of my other patients. Now, Janet tells me that you're having some problems?" She asked, pulling out her notepad.
Sam inched a little closer next to Jack as she spoke. "Yes. We were separated, on the verge of divorce, and we want to get our marriage back on track."
Kat nodded. "Well, it's a good start that you admit that you're having problems and that you want to get back to normal. Can you tell me when the problems first started?"
"At least a year ago?" Jack looked to Sam for confirmation and she nodded. "Yeah. At least a year ago, maybe more."
Scribbling the information down on her notepad, Kat nodded. "Do you know why?"
Jack risked a glance at his wife, who smiled encouragingly. "Several years ago, Sam was in a car accident. She's been left with Chronic Back pain among other things ever since, and it causes her great pain. Sam doesn't tell me when she's hurting."
"Excuse me for interrupting, but why don't you say anything Sam?"
Sam glanced around nervously. "I just…..don't. I was brought up to believe that complaining won't help the situation, and I guess that I've unconsciously lived with that mentality all of my life."
"Thank you. Sorry Jack, you were saying?" Kat smiled.
"Ah….yeah. so, since she didn't tell me, I didn't know, and I guess that I wasn't very sympathetic to her situation. We just stopped touching, then we stopped communicating, then we started fighting, then…..:" He trailed off, looking down at his hand, which was entwined with Sam's. "And then I had an affair."
"I see. And this was the catalyst I assume?"
"Pretty much." Jack admitted sadly.
Kat continued to scribble down notes as she talked. "Sam, how did you find out about the affair?"
"I walked in on him and Laira, from Edora, having sex." She replied bluntly.
Kat smiled sympathetically. "Yes, Janet gave me the mission file to read before you came so that I'd be up to date with your situation. Doctor Carter, can you tell me what you were feeling when you found your husband in bed with another woman?"
She nodded. "I guess…..betrayed, hurt, angry. I felt like he didn't want me anymore. Didn't want to be with me anymore."
"And Colonel O'Neill? What about you?"
"How did I feel with Laira?" He asked. Kat nodded. "I felt drunk. I thought that she was Sam. Things had been so bad between us, that when I was on Edora, after the party that the locals had, it was just like being at home with Sam, back when things were good again."
"Have you both discussed your feelings over what happened on Edora?"
"Yes," Sam nodded.
Continuing her writings, Kat nodded. "Okay then, why don't we jump ahead to when you got home? Sam, can you tell me what happened when you returned to your house?"
Swallowing, Sam squeezed Jack's hand as she began to speak. "Janet came with me. She had the babysitter come and pick the twins up and then we started work on a few bottles of wine. We drank and ate chocolate and came up with some pretty inventive things to do to Jack. Janet went to sleep about eleven while I stayed up for a while longer and then Jack came home."
"What happened next?"
"Jack and I yelled at each other a bit, and then we ended up having sex on the couch. It wasn't the best possible thing for us to have done, but look what we ended up with." She smiled, touching a hand to her swollen abdomen.
"Yes, I heard about the pregnancy. And I have to ask, is your unborn child the only reason that you want to get back together?" Kat studied both of them carefully, watching their reactions with interest.
They shared a quick glance and smiled, their eyes locked as they answered. "No."
***
She was sleeping when he saw her later that day, snuggled up on the couch with their afghan covering her. Her features were relaxed as she dreamt, and she looked truly peaceful for the first time in months.
Jack knew, without a doubt, that things would never go back to normal with them. Which, considering what normal had been, was probably a good thing.
He'd been having lunch with his mother, who hadn't heard about their divorce, or the baby. Naturally, being his mother, Rose had offered her advice and promised to visit Sam when things were a little more settled.
Leaving the still sleeping Sam on the couch, he gently brushed a kiss to her temple before walking in the direction of Jay's room. Opening the door, he saw his son sleeping peacefully, clutching his teddy tightly to him.
Closing the door again, he stepped to the next room and repeated the action, looking in on his daughter. Heidi had a tendency to kick the blankets off during the night, so Jack moved further into the room and pulled her comforter back up.
A small hand came out from under the blankets to rub at her eyes. "Daddy?"
"Shh, go to sleep sweetie."
Heidi yawned and snuggled into her bed, her eyes closing. "Are you and mommy happy now?"
They were, he realized suddenly. Things weren't back to normal, they still had issues that they'd work through with Kat, and they still had to sort out their own feelings, but they were happy. "Yes." He nodded.
Jack left Heidi's room after he was sure that she was asleep. Sam hadn't moved at all when he returned to the living room. After making sure that all of the doors and windows were locked, Jack picked up his sleeping wife and carried her back to their room.
Sam lazily opened her eyes to watch surreptitiously as her husband stripped her of her clothes. He pulled out the shirt the she slept in, and paused before pulling it over her head.
His hand rested lightly on her growing abdomen, his fingers stroking gently. Leaning over so that his head rested on her stomach, Jack kissed the spot where their baby was, his actions tender.
Giving up the pretense of sleep, Sam's hands came up to caress his hair, running her fingers through it in the way she knew he liked.
Jack turned his head to look at her, still resting on her abdomen. "I didn't mean to wake you."
"You didn't." She assured, smiling. "It's amazing, isn't it?" She asked.
He quirked an eyebrow at her. "What is?"
"That there's a baby there." She replied, nodding in the general direction of her stomach and his head.
"No. You're amazing."
Sam giggled slightly and shook her head. "I love you."
"And I you." He replied, using a forgotten line. Moving to lay beside her nude form, Jack pulled her to him, hugging her close as he looked at her intently. "Sam? You know that I can't give you roses and sunsets and Tuscan vacations…..am I going to be able to give you what you need?"
She snuggled further into his embrace. "You couldn't stop giving me what I needed if you tried, Jack."
Jack nodded, relieved, and tensed as he felt the pressure on his side. "What the….?"
Sam smiled contentedly. "I think the baby want's to have his or her say in the matter."
Placing his hand over the place that their baby was kicking, Jack closed his eyes and surrendered himself to slumber as he held his wife close.
***
The end. (Finally!)
Story Notes: Pairing: Sam/Jack Jack/Other Daniel/Janet
Idea throwers: Kat – dorqiehat@yahoo.com and Divine Joker souls_darkangel@yahoo.com
Spoilers: 100 Days, Shades of Grey, Family, In the line of Duty
Season/sequel: Set just before 100 days and follows on from there.
I've wanted to write a sequel to AOOLB for a while now, and after a few more people requested one, I decided to write it. This fic was nicknamed, fondly by some, not so much from me "The epic" simply because it's taken me so long to get around to finishing it. If they are any inconsistencies in this story, then I sincerely apologize, also, I am not a doctor, so medical facts may not be accurate. A lot of it was written after several Vodka's.
Feedback: Hell yeah! Don't make me beg, hit reply and stroke my ego please.
E-mail: venom@scififan.com but you'd probably have better luck with venom_the_shipper@yahoo.com.au
Dedication: I have lots…..As always, for LEW. For Kat `oh great mistress', for the *cough* support *cough* and for kicking my but enough to get me to finish this. Thanks hon! RTL. For Mike, TY for the love and support. For Evil!Nic and her flames. For Suz and Sel and their reassurances about being a little-fishie. For Jemme and her constant uh, `nagging' of me to finish it. For Divine Joker for her input. And for everyone that demanded this sequel, the epic is yours.
Date Started: 20-6-2003 Date finished: 29-9-2003
Copyright © to Venom, 2003
Idea throwers: Kat – dorqiehat@yahoo.com and Divine Joker souls_darkangel@yahoo.com
Spoilers: 100 Days, Shades of Grey, Family, In the line of Duty
Season/sequel: Set just before 100 days and follows on from there.
I've wanted to write a sequel to AOOLB for a while now, and after a few more people requested one, I decided to write it. This fic was nicknamed, fondly by some, not so much from me "The epic" simply because it's taken me so long to get around to finishing it. If they are any inconsistencies in this story, then I sincerely apologize, also, I am not a doctor, so medical facts may not be accurate. A lot of it was written after several Vodka's.
Feedback: Hell yeah! Don't make me beg, hit reply and stroke my ego please.
E-mail: venom@scififan.com but you'd probably have better luck with venom_the_shipper@yahoo.com.au
Dedication: I have lots…..As always, for LEW. For Kat `oh great mistress', for the *cough* support *cough* and for kicking my but enough to get me to finish this. Thanks hon! RTL. For Mike, TY for the love and support. For Evil!Nic and her flames. For Suz and Sel and their reassurances about being a little-fishie. For Jemme and her constant uh, `nagging' of me to finish it. For Divine Joker for her input. And for everyone that demanded this sequel, the epic is yours.
Date Started: 20-6-2003 Date finished: 29-9-2003
Copyright © to Venom, 2003
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]