It had been weeks since the last disastrous mission. They hadn't gone anywhere else since. All three of them agreed to wait until the fourth member of their team was fully recovered. It wouldn't have worked without her. Daniel had plenty to do. Teal'c explored Earth, and Jack - well Jack just mooched around. He seemed busy. He would find things to do, reports to write, but halfway through, he would just trail off into a dream.
He dreamt she was in his arms, dying.
"I love you, Sam."
"I love you too, Jack."
Except she hadn't said that. The one time in her life she could say it without fear of repercussions, and she hadn't. All she had said was, "I'm sorry Sir."
Sorry! That was all. She hadn't even called him Jack. Even at the end, all he had been to her was her commanding officer.
xxxxx
Then, one day, he ran into her. She was in the corridor, walking up and down with Janet, testing her ankle. He stopped and watched her for a second. Just a few weeks ago, he had been sure he would never see her again. He had finally found the courage to tell her what he felt, to tell HIMSELF what he felt, and she didn't know. He wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry.
"Sir!" She had seen him. She looked up, smiling.
He smiled too, a shy little half-smile that people rarely saw. "Good morning Captain. Or rather, good evening. How's the leg?"
"Fine. I should be back in no time."
"Good. I look forward to it. It hasn't been the same without you." He walked off.
Janet watched him go, and sighed. One of this days, if those two didn't get together, she was going to give them both a big kick up the backside. Love like their's didn't happen very often, and if they didn't get over their respective neuroses and go for it, Janet wasn't going to be responsible for her actions.
xxxxx
He saw her again just an hour later. He was in the gate room, and he looked up to the window of the conference room. To his surprise, he saw Daniel and Sam having an intense conversation - so intense, they weren't aware he was watching them. The glass was soundproofed, so he couldn't hear a thing, but he could see that she was upset, and Daniel was trying to calm her down.
Jack left in a hurry. He bet Daniel was telling her how Jack had been when he had found him. If he had, Jack was going to rip the geek's head off, glasses or no glasses. When he got up there, she was gone, and Daniel was standing by the window looking thoughtful.
"What did you tell her?" Jack said, his voice low.
"I didn't tell her anything." Daniel replied.
"I saw you! She was upset! What did you tell her?"
Daniel looked at him, his eyes sad, and said, "I didn't have to tell her anything. She already knew. She remembers everything, Jack."
xxxxx
Jack charged down the corridor. He guessed Sam was going straight to Janet's. Those two discussed everything. He didn't know what he was going to say to her when he found her,whether, he would deny everything, or admit it and wait for her reaction, of just admit it and run away. He didn't know anything, just that he had to find her.
As he reached the infirmary, he could hear the two women talking. He stopped before they could see him. He knew he shouldn't eavesdrop, but the hell with it, he had to find out what she thought.
"And then, when I saw Jack it all came flooding back!" Sam was saying. "Everything he said! Janet, what am I going to do?"
"What do you want to do?" Janet replied.
"I don't know. I want to keep working with SG1. But how can I? I know how he feels, but I don't feel the same way Janet. I care for him, but I don't love him."
In the corridor, Jack walked away. He had heard what he needed to hear.
"That's it, I've had enough." Janet said.
Sam looked up at her surprised.
"I don't know what youre problem is." Janet continued, "but you do love him. I know. Don't forget I see you all at your most vulnerable moments. I know you care for him."
"I care for all of them."
"But him in particular. Look, do you remember when Daniel said you were engaged in the alternative universe?"
Sam nodded.
"He questioned it, do you remember? But you, all you did was reduce it down to physics. You're afraid Sam. I don't know why, but you're afraid to admit you love him. You've got to do it Sam, or you'll lose him."
Sam looked up at her miserably. "What do I do?" she whispered.
xxxxx
Jack sat in the locker room. He was gazing at the pictures of his wife. He'd thought he loved her all this time, but it had been Sam. Maybe not from the VERY beginning... maybe from when she had said, "I can handle anything you can handle." with that look in her eyes.
Then, when he had called sparky 'Major glass half-empty' and she had smiled, he'd known. He'd known she was special, but he had been so wrapped up in loving Sara, that he had never seen what was right in front of him. He put the pictures away. He had lost her. If he had admitted to himself how he felt long ago, he might have... no, he couldn't ever have won her.
He sat down, his head in his hands. He felt like he was losing everything that was precious to him. This was worse than Charlie. Charlie had gone forever, but she'd be in front of him always, reminding him what he lost, what he might have had. He felt himself going cold inside.
"Sir?"
He looked up. "Can I help you, Doctor Frasier?" he asked.
"No. But you can help yourself. You're an idiot."
"Excuse me?"
"You heard. You're an idiot. Not that she's much better. Just remember this. Hold on to her. Don't let her get away." And with that she left.
Jack turned round. He couldn't believe it! What the hell did she know? He heard footsteps behind him and said, "Doctor, I'm really not in the mood for... Sam!"
She looked miserable and confused, and his heart ached to see her like this. "Sir." she said.
"Jack. Call me Jack. We've known each other long enough now to be on first name terms."
She shook her head. "SIr, I'm going to ask for a transfer to one of the other SG teams. I think, under the circumstances, that would be best." She turned to go.
Jack was about to let her, then he remembered what Janet had said. He walked over, and took her arm. "Come here." he said, and took her to the bench and sat her down beside him.
"Sir!" she cried, "I have to. I know what you said. I don't feel the same way!"
"Don't you?" he said gently, lifting her under the chin so that she looked right into his eyes. She was so close he was trembling. He had never felt like this, not even with Sara, but he couldn't be afraid now.
"I care for you Sir..."
"Jack." he whispered softly, and he felt a tremor run through her.
"But not in this way." she whispered.
Jack almost let her go, but he looked down into those blue eyes, and he saw his answer there. He had to keep her there, just a little while longer.
"What are you afraid of, Captain?"
"I'm not afraid..." she trailed off as she looked into his deep dark eyes. Now was not a time for lying. "I'm afraid if something did happen, General Hammond would split us up."
"We're hardly a conventional army base. There's not many who could do what we do. I think we're safe." he murmured. He moved his hand up to her cheek, stroking it gently. "That's not the real reason,is it?"
"No. I'm afraid... I'm afraid you don't love me as much as I love you." she said, finally giving in to what she had felt all this time, since she first saw him. "I'm afraid that one day you'll leave, just walk out, like you did with Sara."
He looked at her, seriously. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. She did love him. It was only fear holding her back. If he could break through the fear, she would be his, at last. "I told you back on that planet, Sam. I'll never leave you. Not ever. Didn't I prove that?"
"Yes." she whispered. He had. She had been wrong. They would never be separated, ever again. Then she whispered it, what he had been longing to hear.
"I love you Jack."
He said nothing, merely leaned forward, and kissed her.
The End.
Story Notes: SPOILERS; POLITICS,CHILDREN OF THE GODS.
SEASON/SEQUEL INFO; SEASON TWO, SEQUEL TO 'I'LL FIND HER' WHICH IS A SEQUEL TO 'REFLECTIONS'
SEASON/SEQUEL INFO; SEASON TWO, SEQUEL TO 'I'LL FIND HER' WHICH IS A SEQUEL TO 'REFLECTIONS'
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]