Samantha Carter-Greenfield reached over, brushing the damp, brown hair from her son's brow. He was so still and pale, lying in the hospital bed. So unlike his usual energetic self. Jon could never sit still. If his mind wasn't going a mile a minute, it was his hands. Anything he came in contact with seemed to be instantly dismantled, even before the boy seemed aware of it. To see him so listless, lying on the stark, white sheets, made Sam shiver. Neither of her children had anything more severe than colds; she didn't quite know how to react to seeing her son in such obvious distress.
Sam looked up as her husband Jeff re-entered the room, carrying their sleeping five year-old daughter, Kelsey.
"I'll take her," Sam offered quietly.
"I think I'll just take her back over to Mom's," Jeff whispered. "She needs to rest. You know, you really should too."
"I know, but until the doctors can tell me what's wrong, I'm not leaving him," Sam stated adamantly.
"I figured that's what you'd say," Jeff smiled warmly at her. "I'll come back once Kelsey's settled."
"That's not necessary, Jeff. You need to get some sleep, too."
"Damn it, Sam! Why is it you always get to be the strong one? The one who takes on all the responsibility? He's my son too, you know!"
Sam looked up at her husband. He was right. She never stopped to think he would feel the need to be strong for her. But it was how she'd always been. From the time her mother died, she was the one who had to hold everyone and everything together. Even when she worked at the SGC, She had to be the one to pull the miracle out of a hat, rewrite the laws of physics. The one they all turned to, to "save the day." It was a hard habit to break.
"I'm sorry, Jeff. You're right," Sam said, placing her fingers on either side of her nose, rubbing up and down. "I guess I could use a break."
Jeff's smile widened. "I'll just take care of Kelsey. I'll be back in about an hour." Sam nodded, standing to give her sleeping daughter a kiss.
"Drive careful," she smiled, watching them leave the room. Retaking her seat, Sam turned her attention once more to her sleeping son. What was she going to do if there were really something seriously wrong with him? Something that couldn't be taken care of with a "quick fix?" She just wished the doctors could give her more answers, but until the latest battery of tests returned, there was nothing anyone could do.
It was times like this Sam really missed Janet. Not only for her medical expertise, but for her friendship as well. Oh, she had friends where she worked, but they were more acquaintances than true friends. Not like the friends she'd had at Stargate Command. Maybe it was being locked underground with them so much of the time that spawned the camaraderie and intense friendships she felt with her former team, but she doubted that was the entire reason. Being in the military had a tendency to draw people together as well. It was easy to form lasting bonds with like-minded people.
But the people at GenTech were like-minded people. Sam just never seemed to get as close to them as she had SG-1. Maybe she was holding herself back, trying to protect herself from some of the pain she experienced when she parted company with her old comrades. It was her choice to come to Minneapolis, to do research among the private sector. In fact, General Hammond had done everything short of blocking the door to keep her at the SGC.
It wasn't that she wasn't touched by their concern and genuine wishes she remain on the team. It was more that her life had suddenly taken an unexpected turn, and she had to reconsider her options. Taking up one of the fifty or so offers she had on the table seemed to be the best course of action.
Without much thought, she pretty much picked a location and a job at random. Pay scales and benefits being nearly equal, Sam decided on the first job her finger landed on when she pointed to the list. She did a bit of research into the Minneapolis/St. Paul area; liked what she saw; was resigned, moved and settled all in about a span of two weeks. No one ever said Sam Carter couldn't get things done when she set her mind to it.
She met Jeff soon after moving to the suburb of Edina, while looking for houseplants, of all things. She was at a garden center, looking at some hanging planters when she heard a male voice behind her.
"Unless you've got a room with a lot of light, I wouldn't get that one."
Sam turned around, expecting to see an employee of the nursery. Instead there was a tall, blonde man in jeans and a polo shirt with his hands on his hips.
"Excuse me?" she said, surprised a total stranger was dictating what plants she should buy.
"I'm sorry, I really don't mean to be telling you what you need, but I've tried to grow them and they're really touchy. They need a lot of sun and a lot of care."
"Well, you're right, I guess that isn't for me," Sam agreed. "I work a lot. I need something that doesn't need much attention. Maybe I should be looking at a cactus or something," she joked.
"How about this one," the man suggested, pointing out a spider plant. "They're pretty easy to grow."
"Do you work here?" she asked, curious how a guy knew so much about plants.
"Uh, no. I've got a landscaping company," he said, pointing out the window to a small red truck with the words "Greenfield's Landscaping Service" painted on the side. "I'm Jeff Greenfield, by the way," he said extending his hand in her direction.
Sam accepted the handshake. "Samantha Carter, but most people call me 'Sam.'"
"Nice to meet you, Sam."
She felt awkward, wondering if she should just thank him for his advice or say something else.
"A landscaper called 'Greenfield?' Isn't that a little cliché?" she asked, reminding her of another man who wasn't terribly fond of clichés.
"Yeah," he smiled shyly. "It's almost kind of embarrassing. I've thought about changing the name, but the pun seems to stick in people's minds, so I guess they remember my company, which is a good thing."
There were a few more moments of tense silence before Jeff finally said, "Well, again, it was nice to meet you, Sam."
"Same here. Thanks for the tip." She started reaching for the hanging plant, but she couldn't quite reach the hook. Sam turned to see if she could still catch the man she'd been talking to.
"Uh, Jeff?" she called out.
"Yeah?" he said, turning around so quickly he almost knocked into some of the shelving.
Sam had to smile at his eagerness. "I can't quite reach the hook. Could you. . . .?"
"Sure, I'd be glad too." As he handed her the plant, he added rather quickly, "are you busy? I mean I know I just met you and all, but I was wondering if I could buy you a cup of coffee or something."
Sam couldn't hide her grin at the nervous invitation. She had to admit she found him attractive, and she hadn't met many people since she'd moved.
"Sure, that would be great," Sam answered.
Coffee led to dinner, dinner led to a second date, and then a third. It wasn't long before they were seeing each other every night. Six months later they were engaged, and a week later they were married in a quiet ceremony witnessed by his family and her father, Daniel, Janet and Teal'c. She hadn't even bothered to invite Jack, as he was still furious with her over her resignation, and General Hammond was too busy with some minor emergency at the SGC which no one could talk about since she no longer had security clearance.
That had hurt. That she no longer was privy to the happenings at the SGC. If she'd stayed on as a civilian consultant, she'd still be in the loop, but it had been her own choice to cut herself off completely from the Program and the Air Force.
She still called Daniel and Janet occasionally, even attended their wedding, but in a little over ten years, she hadn't seen or heard from Jack, and that hurt the most of all.
Sam was distracted from her musing as a nurse entered the room to check Jon's vital signs. The woman smiled at Sam, obviously trying to give a worried mother some comfort.
"Mrs. Greenfield, I really doubt your son's going to wake any time soon. The sedative the doctor gave him will most likely keep him sleeping the rest of the night. You really should get some rest yourself."
"I know," Sam smiled weakly. "I just can't leave him."
The nurse laid a comforting hand on her arm as she passed. "I understand. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't want to leave either."
Sam stood once more, stretching her back. How could it be her baby was ten years old when it seemed like he'd born just yesterday? He'd been a noisy one, she remembered. Loudly protesting his removal from the comforting warmth into the cold, harshly lit world. Physically, there wasn't a bit of her in him, except maybe her nose, but his mind was a different story. He talked at an early age for a boy, and once he did, he never stopped asking questions. Sam had to wonder if she drove her own mother as crazy as Jon did her sometimes. But secretly she was pleased he was so quick and curious. At least she'd contributed something to her son!
Kelsey, on the other hand was all hers. From the unruly blonde hair to her blue eyes, she was almost a carbon copy of herself at that age. She was bright, but her intelligence was aimed in a more artistic direction than scientific as Jon's was. Even at her young age, she delighted in helping her father with his designs, and was surprisingly good. If either of her children were destined to go into "the family trade," Kelsey would be the one to take over the landscaping business.
Jon, on the other hand showed a strong interest in joining the military, which Jeff didn't approve of in the least. Sam tried to convince Jeff not to be too hard on the boy, as he was young and no doubt enamored by the adventurous aspects of a military life.
Jeff blamed Sam for Jon's interest in wanting to join the Air Force. They'd fought over it quite a lot, actually. It was almost as if he didn't want to acknowledge his wife had been a soldier. He had no problem with her making twice the money he did, but he couldn't reconcile the fact his wife had been involved in combat. If he only knew! He never mentioned it to his friends, and wouldn't have to his family if Jon hadn't said something at a gathering about his mother logging in air time over enemy air space during Desert Storm. At first the relatives laughed it off as a child's over-active imagination, until Sam told everyone of her public military career. There had been such an awful silence from her in-laws, that she and Jeff left the party soon after, only to have a bitter argument once they returned home.
That was when the distance between them became noticeable. Sam tried to ignore it, rationalizing every couple had something one spouse didn't like about the other. But this was no minor "pet peeve." She was honored to have served her country. Proud of the work she'd done, even if she couldn't speak of most of it.
Every time Jeff belittled her role in the Air Force, she felt it was a personal attack against her comrades. Especially those she left at the SGC. Kelsey had been a newborn when the incident happened with his family, so essentially she and Jeff had been "sharing living quarters" for the better part of four years. They didn't really fight, but there was certainly no love between them, if indeed there had ever been. Sam used to at least genuinely like Jeff, figuring she'd eventually learn to love him. His continued snide comments about the service ended that. In fact, she'd even gone so far as talking to a lawyer to see about divorce proceedings before Jon had become ill.
Sam's thoughts were interrupted by the very man she'd been thinking about, having returned from depositing their daughter at his mother's.
"Hey," Jeff said, placing a comforting hand on Sam's shoulder, squeezing gently. "How's he doing?"
"Still sleeping," she whispered, motioning him out to the hallway. Once the door was shut she turned to her husband. "Kelsey get settled in okay?"
"Yeah, you know how she loves it at Mom's."
Sam smiled. Even if Ellen Greenfield never approved of her, she adored Kelsey. Sam found it ironic when Kelsey looked so much like her. Perhaps it was because she was the baby of the family, Jeff's brother and sister both having older children.
"I'm glad she's out of here. A hospital is no place for a child," she said, looking back at the door to the room where her son lay.
"Sam, they'll find out what's wrong with him. He'll be all right," Jeff said, pulling her into a hug.
At first she barely wound her arms around him, but he squeezed tighter, forcing her to relax.
"Don't be so stubborn," he whispered in her ear. "Let me help you with this." At his words, Sam softened, allowing her ridged posture to loosen.
"I'm scared," she said.
"Me too."
Sam pulled back, wiping at the stray tears that had fallen. There were times he could be so sweet, so understanding. And then there were the times he could be so cold. She didn't know what she felt for him anymore.
***
Jeff and Sam spent the rest of the night, dozing on and off in Jon's room, wanting to be nearby should he wake. Both were slouched in their chairs, heads touching as a nurse gently shook them awake.
"Mr. and Mrs. Greenfield? Dr. Bellanca has your son's test results back. He'd like to talk to you."
Instantly alert, Sam ran a hand through her disheveled hair, blinking rapidly to dispense the sleep from her eyes. She looked over at Jeff, who was stretching from his night in the uncomfortable chair. At least she had faired better on that score, being smaller than him.
It was a short walk to the doctor's office, and Sam was grateful for the movement. Sitting around, waiting for answers had been one of the hardest things she'd ever done. She had infinite patience when it came to technology, but when the situation was personal? She was worse than a child. Kelsey had more patience than she did.
After another interminable wait in the doctor's office, Dr. Bellanca breezed in, looking well-rested, carrying a cup of coffee and a folder of test results. Sam almost felt resentful toward the man who looked so fresh after she and her husband had spent a miserable night.
"Mr. and Mrs. Greenfield," he said, smiling warmly. "Would you like some coffee?" Sam almost smiled herself. They must look pretty bad if the doctor was offering to jolt them into reality.
"Yes, thank you," Sam said, accepting for them both. Secretly she wished for something stronger if the news was going to be bad. Judging from the serious look on the doctor's face, she was going to need a whole bottle of something.
Handing them each a Styrofoam cup, Dr. Bellanca began. "Mr. and Mrs. Greenfield, the results are back, and my suspicions were correct."
Sam waited on the edge of her seat, hand gripping Jeff's so hard she was surprised he didn't cry out. "And what did you suspect?"
The doctor paused, looking at each of them, sighed and said, "aplastic anemia."
Sam and Jeff turned to look at each other, shock registering on their faces.
"Is it serious?" Jeff asked.
"Of course it's serious!" Sam snapped, disengaging her hand from Jeff's, raising it to cover her eyes.
"But it is treatable," Dr. Bellanca added.
"I've heard the term, but I don't know what the disease entails. Could you tell me what it is and what we can expect?" Jeff asked.
"It's a condition, first of all, not a disease in the traditional sense that your son contracted anything. This is a deficiency within his own body."
Sam's mind was racing. *It's my fault! It's all my fault! He's my son and I gave this to him!*
"Simply put, Jon's bone marrow is not producing enough red blood cells," the doctor added.
"So, what can we do?" Jeff asked, looking over at Sam once more.
"The most common treatment, especially in children, would be a bone marrow transplant."
"A transplant? You mean to take part of someone's bone and put it into him or something?" Jeff asked.
"No, not quite so complicated as that," the doctor smiled. "The procedure is called a bone marrow aspiration. It involves taking a syringe and removing a small portion of bone marrow, from a donor. Either from the sternum," he said, touching the middle of his chest, or from the top of the iliac crest, which is the top of the pelvis."
"You said donor," Sam said. "Could it be one of us?"
"Yes, but a sibling is usually a better match. It's not as painful a procedure as it once was. The donor is under general anesthesia, so it's likely they'll only feel discomfort once awake."
Sam shook her head. The thought of both her children in the hospital was almost too much. "How do we find out who's compatible?"
"There's a blood test to determine who would be the best candidate. I'm assuming you'd like this done as soon as possible?"
"Yes, of course!" Sam said.
"I can have you and your husband tested as soon we're through here. Does Jon have any brothers or sisters?"
"Yes, Kelsey, but she's only five!"
"Mrs. Greenfield, it really wouldn't hurt her. If Jon doesn't have this transplant, well, it is fatal."
"I understand, that. It's just the thought of both my children. . . ."
"What about non-family members?" Jeff asked, now refusing to look at Sam.
"Well, there is a chance they'd be compatible, but some family connection is always the best," the doctor informed him. "May I ask why you think you'll need to consider that option?"
Jeff waited a moment, swallowed, then said. "I'm not Jon's biological father."
"I see," the doctor said, clearly unsure of what to say next. "I believe you should still have the test done. There is always the chance you could be a match."
"Of course. If it could help Jon, I'll do it."
Sam watched Jeff. She never doubted he loved Jon as his own. He was the one who was with her when she gave birth, the one who got up in the middle of the night to feed him, change him, soothe his cries. In every way that mattered, Jeff was his father. She had to let him know even though she saw the evidence of Jon's true parentage in her son's features, she never once considered Jeff less his father because of it.
"He's your son," she stated simply, reaching over and squeezing his hand.
"Yes, well," the doctor said, giving a slight cough, "I think we should see about those tests. I'd like you to have your daughter tested as soon as possible as well. The sooner we find a donor, the sooner we can help your son."
***
For the second time that day, Sam found herself waiting in Dr. Bellanca's office. He rushed the tests, and again she and Jeff were waiting for results. As soon as their blood had been drawn, Jeff left to get Kelsey. She had to admit her daughter handled the blood test better than she would have at her age. Kelsey seemed to be more curious about what they were going to do with the blood than being concerned about the needle used to remove it.
Sam's attention was brought back to her daughter as she jumped off her lap to wander around the room. She'd admonished her several times about picking things up, but now was to the point of not caring if something got broke. If the doctor was going to leave them all sitting in here, in limbo, he deserved to lose a few things off his shelves.
"I want to see Jon," she said, playing with a pen and fake inkwell on the doctor's desk.
"I know you do, Sweetie, but Mommy and Daddy have to talk to the doctor first. When he says it's okay, we'll go see him," she said.
She and Jeff had just come from spending most of the day with Jon, taking turns watching Kelsey and spending time with their son. For his part, Jon was taking the news well. Sam insisted they tell him the truth, explaining what was wrong with him as the doctor had them. It was yet another reason for an argument between her and Jeff. Nerves frayed, they snapped at each other until they noticed they were drawing attention from the hospital staff. Jon was a smart kid. He didn't need to be talked down to. It was what her family had done to her, and Sam was damned if it would happen with her son.
"Ah, the Greenfields," Dr. Bellanca said, upon entering his office. "I'm sorry to have kept you waiting. Now, about those test results. . . ." he said, taking a seat at his desk, reading the report before him.
"Hmmm." he said, causing Sam and Jeff to look at one another.
"I'm afraid I don't have the best news," he said, looking up, removing his glasses.
"What does that mean?" Sam asked.
"Well, according to your tests, none of you would be a compatible match."
"None of us? Not even Kelsey?" Sam said.
"I'm sorry. I thought for sure either you or your daughter would be a match," he said, shaking his head. "There also seems to be some kind of unidentified protein marker in your blood, Mrs. Greenfield. Not that it's what's causing the incompatibility. I just find it odd."
*The naquada,* Sam thought. *Or maybe a different legacy of Jolinar's. Could that be why Jon got sick?*
"To your knowledge, has this ever shown up before?"
"Not that I know of," Sam said, trying to deflect the doctor from asking too many questions about how Jolinar had messed up her body chemistry. "I could contact the doctor from the base I used to work at."
"Base?"
"I was in the Air Force," Sam said, casting a look at Jeff, noticing he immediately tensed.
"I see. Were you ever in combat?"
*How long do you have?* Sam thought to herself. Instead she said, "yes. I was involved in Desert Storm."
"Then perhaps it's the result of some agent you were exposed to during your tour of duty. If you like, I could schedule some tests. . ."
"Is it causing any problems?"
"None that I can see. It *seems* to be benign."
"Then let's just leave it for now. We're here for Jon, anyway."
Sam hoped she didn't seem too eager to brush off something potentially dangerous. *She* knew why there was something abnormal in her blood, but it wouldn't do to have Dr. Bellanca poking around and dredging up her old medical records. Not that he'd have access to Janet's files. Surely they were considered classified. But it might get him digging even further until he found evidence of the SGC.
"So, now what?" Jeff asked.
"Would you mind if my nurse watched your daughter for a moment? I don't know how much she'll understand, but I'd rather not ask this with her in the room."
"That's fine," Sam said, allowing the doctor to escort Kelsey from the room.
Sam and Jeff looked at each other. "What do you suppose that's all about?" he asked.
"I think I have an idea," Sam said, hoping her suspicions were incorrect.
Dr. Bellanca came back into the room, and leaned on the edge of his desk, facing Sam and Jeff. "Are you able, or would you be willing to contact Jon's biological father?"
Sam exchanged glances with Jeff, totally flabbergasted. "Yes, I think I know how I can contact him. But he has no idea I was even pregnant the last time I saw him."
"Well, he's our best option at this point. Mr. Greenfield, I don't mean to be disrespectful of your role as Jon's father, but it's now rather obvious to me, physically he takes after his biological father. I think the chances for a match are pretty good."
Sam was stunned. She had to call him? Tell him nearly eleven years ago he'd fathered a child he never knew about? And wouldn't have ever known about had Jon not developed the anemia? How the *hell* was she going to do that?
Sam took a shaky breath. "I'll contact him."
"Sam, you don't have to do this! We'll find some other way! Maybe your Dad, or brother, his kids. . . ."
"Jeff, I know you're trying to protect me, but we both know he's going to be the most compatible."
"Mrs. Greenfield, you obviously had your reasons for not revealing your pregnancy to the father, and I'm sorry to put you in this position, but I really don't see any other way. Your son's life depends on it."
"I know," she sighed. "What do you need me to do?"
"Well, if he's not in the area, he could have the blood test done where he's at, have the results sent to me, and if he's compatible, we'll go from there."
"He's not in the area. But this isn't something I can just tell him and ask him to do over the phone. Maybe I can get him to come here. That way if he is compatible, he'll be here for the aspiration."
"Sam, no!" Jeff cried. "It's bad enough that you have to call him! You don't have to bring him here!"
"Jeff, if he's a match, he'll have to come anyway! At least this way we won't have to wait to do the transplant."
Dr. Bellanca looked uncomfortable witnessing their argument, and for that reason Sam decided the rest of their "discussion" on the topic would have to wait until they were alone.
Moving back behind his desk, Dr. Bellanca started to jot down some notes. "Mrs. Greenfield, if I may, could you tell me the name of the father?"
Taking a deep breath, Sam raised her eyes to look at the doctor. "Jonathan O'Neill."
***
Sam gave a sigh of relief walking in the door of her house. Jeff and his mother were at the hospital with Jon and Kelsey, and the few moments of peace she'd had on the drive home had done her a world of good. She knew Jeff was angry she had to call Jack, but what choice did they have? Actually, it was more that she'd never told him anything about Jon's real father that got him going.
After their meeting with Dr. Bellanca, Jeff had pulled her into an empty waiting room, demanding answers.
"You named my son after him? Jesus, Sam! How could you? The guy uses you for a night and you give him his *name?*"
"It wasn't like that, Jeff. I'll admit the circumstances weren't ideal, but it's not like we were strangers or anything."
"So that makes it right? Obviously you felt you couldn't tell him about the baby. He couldn't have been that great of a guy!"
Sam rubbed a hand over her eyebrows, trying to dispel the headache that was starting. "Jeff, do we really have to talk about this now? *Here?*"
"I think you owe me some answers, Sam."
He was right. He'd never asked before, but maybe that had just been a form of denial. Soon after they started seeing each other it was evident she was pregnant. They talked about it in the respect it was her reason for moving, but beyond that, Jeff had treated her pregnancy almost as if it was an immaculate conception.
She'd never understood why he was so eager to take on a pregnant wife, raise another man's child, but he seriously didn't seem to have any qualms about it. Maybe he *did* really love her that much. Just because she didn't feel the same for him, didn't mean he couldn't be in love with her.
"You're right. I suppose I should have told you when we met, but you didn't seem to want to know and I just wanted to forget." Sam inhaled, then let her breath out slowly. "He was my commanding officer at the base in Colorado I worked at."
"More of that Air Force stuff," Jeff growled.
Sam felt her anger rising. "Yes, more of that 'Air Force stuff.' I'm sorry Jeff, whether you like it or not, I *was* in the military. And I *did* have a life before I met you!"
"Apparently quite an active one," he shot at her.
"That wasn't fair! You have no idea of the circumstances of Jon's conception!"
"So, enlighten me, *Major.*" He sneered her rank, making her want to slap the condescending look off his face.
"Let's just leave it at it was against regulations for us to become involved. We both realized our being together wasn't an option, and when I found out I was pregnant, I knew I couldn't do my job at the base and take care of a child, so I resigned."
"But you thought you could do research here and raise a child on your own. I don't see how the location makes any difference."
"If I would have stayed, Jack would have realized I was pregnant, and known he was the father. He would have tried to 'do the right thing' and marry me. I didn't want that. I didn't want him to give up his career for a mistake in judgment." God, she felt awful thinking of the night they spent together as being a "mistake in judgment." It meant a lot to her. It still meant a lot to her. But Jack didn't love her. Or if he did he sure kept it hidden well. Sure, he'd admitted "caring for her more than he was supposed to," but that wasn't the same as confessing love. If the only way she could have him was to "trap" him with a baby, she didn't want him.
Jeff had his back to her. "Did you love him?"
"I. . .I don't know. I guess I thought I did."
"What about now?" he asked.
"What do you mean, what about now?"
"Do you still love him?"
"No! Jeff, I'm married to you!"
"That doesn't answer my question."
"Jeff, it's been over ten years since I spoke to the man. I can't say I don't think of him. It's a little hard not to when I see his face every time I look at Jon, but I don't love him." Sam wondered if Jeff caught the fact she didn't mention she loved him either.
"Look, I know this is a shock. This whole past two weeks have been a nightmare for all of us. You're not the one who has to call up a guy, who no doubt is still holding a grudge, to tell him you've had his baby!"
Jeff sighed. "You're right, Sam. This isn't easy. But how do you think I'm going to feel having to meet him? How's he going to feel about meeting the man who's raised his son? You know either way he'll be coming out here."
Sam nodded. "I know. No matter how upset he is with me, he's going to want to meet Jon."
"So, now what?"
"I guess I go make a phone call."
***
Sam tossed her keys on the dinning room table as she shrugged out of her jacket. At least Jeff had calmed down and they didn't have a full-blown fight in the hospital. God, all she wanted was to take a shower, catch an hour of sleep and go back to the hospital. She stared at the phone. It wasn't going to dial itself. The first person, or people she had to contact were Daniel and Janet. They'd have Jack's number. Although she'd asked them not to reveal her whereabouts or phone number to Jack, it turns out the request wasn't necessary--he'd never asked them about her.
Picking up the phone, Sam realized it had been so long since she'd contacted the Jackson's, she needed to look up the number.
Tones, clicks and buzzes rang in her ear as she waited for an answer on the other end.
"Hello?"
Sam hesitated a moment before the voice registered with her. "Cassie?"
"Uh, yeah. Who is this?"
"It's Sam." There was a bit of silence as Sam guessed the woman on the other end was sorting through names and faces.
"Sam? Ohmigod! Sam! How are you?"
"I'm fine, thanks," she laughed. "What are you doing home?"
"We had a break from school. Also, it's Ian's birthday, and I knew Mom could use some help with this brood of hers besides the kids coming to the party."
"Sounds like quite the gathering."
"Well, I'd say there's about fifteen people here so far, and more on the way!"
Sam shook her head. Daniel and Janet certainly made up for lost time once they were married!
"I'm sorry to call when there's so much going on, but could I talk to your Mom or Daniel? I need to get in touch with Jack."
Again there was a silence on the other end of the phone, then, "Really? I didn't think you guys were on speaking terms."
"Well, something's come up and I need to find him. I thought maybe Daniel . . . .?"
"Sure. Oh! Here he comes now! Dad? It's Sam. Yeah, Carter, uh Greenfield." Sam heard Daniel mumble something in the background as he took the receiver from Cassie.
"Sam? Is something wrong?"
"Uh, well, yes and no. Jon's in the hospital."
"Oh, God! Is he okay? What happened?"
"Well, he's been getting more and more dragged out, apparently from nothing. We took him to the doctor, and they immediately put him in the hospital. Turns out he has aplastic anemia."
"Oh, God, Sam! I'm so sorry! How are you holding up?" The concern in Daniel's voice was making it difficult for Sam not to cry.
"Okay. Okay, I guess."
"Is there anything we can do? Janet and I could come out there or. . ."
"No, really, that's not necessary. One thing you could do for me though," she closed her eyes and said the words. "You could tell me how to find Jack."
"Jack? After all this time why do you need to get in touch with Jack?"
"Jon needs a bone marrow transplant and Kelsey and I aren't compatible. I'm hoping. . .well, with Jack being. . . ." Sam's voice trailed off, she couldn't even bring herself to admit to her closest friends Jack was the father of her son. Even though they'd met Jon, and it was obvious who his father was, Daniel and Janet never broached the subject with her.
"I understand," Daniel said, sparing her any more embarrassment. "I'm really sorry, Sam. He's still in Colorado Springs. I've got the number here somewhere."
Sam heard him riffling through what sounded like a stack of papers. Knowing Daniel, his desk was a complete mess, but he knew exactly where every scrap of paper was.
"Here it is," he finally said. "Got a pen? It's 719-266-4849. He's retired, you know, so I would think you'd have a pretty good chance of getting a hold of him. He doesn't travel much. He told me once you've seen places like Argos, it's a little hard to get excited by Florida."
Sam found herself smiling despite herself. That sounded like Jack. "I didn't know he'd retired," was all she said.
"Yeah, went out a General. He'd probably still be there, but he couldn't stand to sit behind a desk and watch the others go without him. Must have been how Hammond felt."
Sam had lost touch with the general as well, but if she'd thought about it, she knew he wouldn't still be working at the SGC, provided it was still in operation. She couldn't ask Daniel, especially over the phone. Any thing they *could* discuss was always in vague terms.
"I wish I could tell you more," Daniel said, as if reading her mind.
"Yeah, I know. I know. So! It's Ian's birthday, huh?" Sam said brightly, trying to change the subject.
"Yeah," Daniel said. "The little guy turns two today. I just get the others 'housebroken' and then this one comes along." Sam could hear the smile in his voice. He was proud of his children with good reason. Although she hadn't seen Ian in person since his birth, Daniel and Janet e-mailed pictures to her all the time. Or rather Sean, their oldest did. Even at his young age he was the computer whiz in the family.
"Well, Daniel, I would love to talk some more, but you have a house full of relatives and kids to take care of. Thanks for the number."
"Sure. You'll let us know what happens? With Jon, I mean?"
"Of course. I would have called sooner, but it's been a pretty intense week here."
"I know. Say 'hi' to everyone there," Daniel said.
"Same to you, too. I miss you guys."
"We miss you too, Sam. Take care."
Sam stared at the phone for a moment, not wanting to hang it up. Slowly, she lowered the handset to the cradle. Lord, she didn't want to call Jack! What did she say to him? She knew she had to do it now, before she lost her nerve.
Picking the phone back up, she dialed the number, almost hoping he wasn't there. Maybe if she left a message on his machine, he'd have to call her back. It might not be so hard to ask him if he were contacting her.
One ring, then two. A third. He wasn't home. Mentally she started preparing a statement for the answering machine when a male voice answered on the other end.
"Hello?"
His voice hadn't changed. And even a single word went straight through her, causing her knees to feel weak.
"Hello?" he repeated. Sam couldn't get her own voice to work.
"Oh, for cryin' out loud! Who's there?"
Sam heard him mutter something else and knew he was about to hang up, forcing her to call out, "Please, Jack! Don't hang up!"
"Who is this?"
She swallowed. "It's. . .it's Sam." She waited a moment then added. "Carter." She didn't bother with the Greenfield; it wouldn't mean anything to him.
"Sam? What the. . . .? How did you get my number?" His voice was almost accusatory.
"From. . .from Daniel." She hated that her voice was so shaky. "I'm sorry, sir. I really needed to contact you."
"Ya know, I'm retired now, and you haven't been under my command for some time. I don't think the 'sir' really applies any more."
"Sorry, I guess old habits are hard to break," she laughed nervously.
There was an uncomfortable silence before Jack said, "So what's up? Must be pretty damn important seeing as I haven't heard from you in over ten years."
Sam didn't miss the bitterness in his tone. She supposed she couldn't blame him, but she figured after all this time he wouldn't still be angry with her.
"Well, sir, Jack," she amended, "there's something I need to tell you. Something about why I left." At least some of the tremor had left her voice.
"What's the big deal? You must have had your reasons. It's water under the bridge, Carter."
"But there were *specific* reasons why I left, and I never told you."
"You said you thought it was time for a change and you were going to do private research. I don't see that it needs any elaboration. Especially after all this time." He was still angry at her, she could tell by his tone.
"Jack, please, I need to tell you. . . ."
"What, you dyin' or somethin'? Decided to 'come clean' with everyone?"
Sam blinked back tears before she said, "no, but someone is."
"Okay, Carter. Enough with the word games. What do you want?"
"Jack, I need you to come to Minneapolis."
"Minne. . . . You're kidding, right? I don't hear from you in over a *decade* and I'm supposed to just jump on some plane and come to Minneapolis?"
"Please, Jack. This isn't something I can tell you over the phone."
"Well, I'm sorry, Sam, but some cryptic message about what happened years ago isn't enough incentive for me to come out there."
Sam didn't know what she could say to convince him to come. Then she remembered. P2R-665. They'd never really discussed what happened there. Perhaps if she mentioned that mission. . . .
"Jack, this has to do with what happened on P2R-665." There was dead air on the other end of the receiver. "Jack?" she asked, afraid he might have just hung up.
"Ah, ya," he said, his voice hoarse and strangely quiet. "We never really did talk about that, did we?"
Sam could envision him standing with the phone to his ear, running a hand through his short hair. At least she assumed it was still short. "No, we didn't."
"Sam, it's been ten years! Is it really necessary to dredge all that up again? I mean, we were both kind of feeling our mortality, and all."
"Jack, like I said, this isn't a conversation we should be having over the phone for any number of reasons. Please, just come to Minneapolis and hear me out. I promise after you hear what I have to say, if you never want to speak to me again, I'll understand. Give me a chance."
"Why can't you come here? If you're so all-fired up to have this little heart-to-heart, why not come to me?"
Sam had to think fast. How did she avoid telling him the real reason she couldn't come out there? If Jon wasn't lying in a hospital bed, she would have done it. But there was no way she could leave him.
"I can't get away right now," she said vaguely. "Besides, Daniel tells me you're retired. I'll pay for your ticket."
"Geeze, Carter, it's not the damn ticket! I just don't know what going over this after so much time is going to accomplish!"
Sam tried one last plea. "Jack, I know you haven't thought of me as a friend for years, but please, if you ever felt any friendship for me, you'll do this."
There was another long silence as Sam waited to hear his answer. *Please let him say yes,* she prayed to herself. She heard a long, drawn out sigh, then,
"I don't know why, but I guess you've got my curiosity goin'. Gimme your number. I'll call you when I know what flight I'll be on."
Sam couldn't stop the flood of tears that instantly burst forth at his words. "Thank you, Jack. You don't know what this means to me."
"Well, I better find out," he said. "What's the number?"
***
Jack hung up the phone. Well, *this* certainly wasn't how he'd envisioned his day ending! What had gotten into Sam that after this much time, she suddenly felt the need to talk about that day. . . . He remembered it with absolute clarity, even after all this time. For the life of him, he couldn't see what would have been so important that Sam would have called him now to put the matter to rest. *Begging* him to come to Minneapolis to settle this. *Minneapolis,* he thought, shaking his head. Who would have thought she was only a couple of hundred miles south of him when he visited his cabin?
Had he known where she was, would he have sought her out? Probably not, he reasoned. After all, Daniel had known all along where she'd moved and he'd never asked him of her location. At first he *was* angry with her, for leaving under the circumstances she had. Then it became a matter of pride. He probably would have reconciled with her at Daniel's wedding if he hadn't been called away on an emergency mission. Not only did he miss his best friend's wedding, he missed the chance to meet with Sam on neutral ground. After that failed opportunity, Jack felt silly trying to contact her. After all, she was the one who left them!
So, over the years, it became more and more difficult to think of a legitimate reason to call her. And surprisingly, he did think of her often. Certainly more than he thought of Sara after their parting, and he'd been married to her!
Jack wondered if he should call Daniel. Maybe he could clue him in on what
was going on with Sam. He was pretty sure if Daniel knew anything, he'd tell him. Picking up the phone he dialed Daniel's number. A slightly exasperated voice answered on the other end.
"Yeah?"
"Daniel?"
"Jack?"
"I asked you first," Jack said, smiling at how easily he fell into his old pattern with Daniel.
"I guess I should have expected your call. Sean! Take that balloon away from Ian! Sorry about that. It's a bit of a circus around here today."
"You were expecting me to call?"
"Well, after Sam asked for your number, I figured you'd be my next blast from the past."
"So, what does she really want?" Jack asked.
"You just talked to her, how would I know?" Daniel's voice was harsh; he obviously was dividing his attention between Jack and his kids. "Janet! I'm on the phone with Jack! Could you watch the kids? Just for a second? Oh, Janet says 'hi.'"
"Daniel!"
"Look, Jack, I'm sorry I can't give you more information. She didn't tell me what it was about, only that she needed to get in touch with you."
"But you've got some idea. There's something you're not telling me."
"I've got a theory, but that's all it is, so I'm not going to say anything. I can't believe she got up the nerve to call you then didn't tell you what it was about."
"She asked, no *begged* me to come to Minneapolis to see her, but that's all she said," Jack told him, pacing the confines of his living room.
"I'm sure it's important. She wouldn't have called otherwise. So, are you going?"
Jack blew out a breath. "Yeah, I guess so. I mean now that she's got my curiosity goin', I can't just leave it and not find out what this is all about."
"Just don't be too judgmental," Daniel said.
"You *do* know something!"
"No, I don't. But I know how you are! Give her the benefit of the doubt, okay, Jack? Don't go in with an antagonistic attitude."
"I do not have an antagonistic attitude!"
"You do!"
"Don't!"
"Do!" Daniel started laughing, which got Jack chuckling as well. "I guess some things never change."
There was a bit of a silence, then Daniel said, "Jack, I'm sorry, but I really need to go here or there's going to be an international incident between the Canadian relatives and the Americans."
"Ah, the war with Canada," Jack said, referring to Teal'c's conversation with Michael when they were accidentally transported to 1969.
"Yeah," Daniel laughed. "Something like that. Call me after you've talked to her, okay?"
"Sure, Buddy. Good luck maintaining the demilitarized zone."
Jack hung up the phone with no more information than he'd started with. Still, talking to Daniel seemed to put some perspective on the whole thing. After having spoken to both Sam and Daniel, it almost felt like old times. Now, if Teal'c would just contact him, his day would be complete.
***
Sam sat in the airport, in an uncomfortable chair, watching the minutes tick by on clocks that seemed to be everywhere, along with monitors listing arriving flights. According to the screen across from her, the flight from Denver was on time. If that was the case, she had thirty-eight minutes to decide what the hell she was going to say to Jack. Make that thirty-seven. Jeff sat next to her, holding Kelsey. She'd told him she was fine meeting Jack on her own, that one of them should be with Jon, but Jeff insisted. Sam knew he was there to see if there were still any emotion between the two of them, more than for moral support.
"Jeff, this really isn't necessary. I'm perfectly capable of meeting him. What if Jon wakes up and we're both gone?"
"Mom and Dad are there, he'll be fine. I want to make sure you are too. I know this can't be easy for you, Sam." Jeff reached over, putting his arm around her shoulders. Maybe she was wrong about Jeff's motivations. Could it be she was projecting her own attitude about their relationship onto him?
"You know," he said, setting Kelsey into a seat of her own, "I'm a little surprised your Dad hasn't come, or at least called. Even Mark did that."
"Dad's traveling, again," Sam said vaguely. "I've been trying to get in touch with him, but I haven't been able to get a message through." She now had a device to contact Jacob/Selmak directly, but he hadn't responded. Perhaps the Tok'ra were on the move again and he couldn't get away. Sam almost smiled to herself as she thought of her father. It was a little like having a secret agent for a parent. Even Jacob wouldn't tell her if the SGC was still in operation. When he did answer Sam's signal, it was always a mystery as to exactly *how* he arrived on Earth.
"For a retired guy, he sure seems busy," Jeff commented.
"He's never liked staying in one place too long," Sam said, and it was especially true now.
"How are you holding up?" Jeff asked.
Sam looked into his genuinely concerned eyes. "I'm okay. I'm nervous, but okay. Who would have thought meeting an old friend could be so hard, huh?"
"Well, from what you told me, you didn't exactly part on the best of terms. I'd be nervous too." Jeff leaned forward and gave her a small kiss. "I'm sorry I wasn't more understanding when you first brought up the idea of bringing him out here."
"I guess I could have been a little more tactful," she said, glad they'd settled their argument before they'd come to the airport. Sam was distracted by Kelsey squirming in her seat.
"It won't be much longer, Honey. I know you're bored."
"Maybe I should take her for a little walk. It'll give you some time to gather your thoughts."
"Thanks, Jeff. I would really appreciate that." Sam watched him walk down the wide aisle, stopping to show their daughter something from one of the vendors. He really was a sweet man, she thought. The few friends she had, often told her how lucky she was to have truly found "Mr. Right." And she knew she was fortunate. What man would marry a pregnant woman, offering to raise her child as his own? Only a man with an incredibly generous nature. And that was Jeff all over. Generous, almost to a fault. Which only served to make Sam feel even worse she didn't return his love. She honestly believed given enough time, Jeff would win her heart. But wasn't ten years enough time?
Sam looked up as she heard the announcement of Jack's arriving flight. All that time she'd sat there musing over Jeff, not once thinking about what she was going to do when she saw Jack. Part of the reason she didn't want to dwell on it was her hope. Hope he'd forgiven her, that he'd be actually be happy to see her again. It battled with her fear that this latest news she had would drive him away forever. If she were honest with herself, she knew she'd never gotten over Jack. Deep down it was the real reason she couldn't find room in her heart for Jeff and his love. She'd just never allowed herself to admit it before.
Looking through the sea of bodies and faces, she spotted him. Dressed in his same old black leather jacket, white T-shirt and blue jeans. He was almost completely gray now, but his face still had a boyish look to it. So much like that of her son, it almost hurt to see the resemblance.
Jack had a curiously blank look on his face when he spotted her, stopping mid-stream in the pedestrian traffic as his eyes met hers. She wondered briefly what her own face was revealing as she gazed at him, before slowly taking a step forward.
***
Jack stood in the milling crowd, feeling almost as if time had stopped and the rest of the world flowed around him. Sam was standing at the gate. Funny how now it was an airport gate and not the Stargate, he thought to himself briefly. She hadn't changed a bit. Okay, so it wasn't entirely true. There were a few more lines around her eyes, but that was the only discernible difference he saw. Her hair was still short. The same tousled blonde he remembered. She was dressed in a denim jacket, T-shirt and jeans, same as she used to wear off-duty. Only now her downtime had been ten years.
Jack just stared at her, unable to move. He hadn't been prepared for this reaction to seeing her again. He'd been pissed. Pissed she'd called, pissed she'd made this request of him, and pissed at himself for all the old feelings that came flooding back again. Feelings he was sure he'd buried all those years ago. She had such a confused look on her face, for one insane instant he wanted to draw her into his arms and tell her all was forgiven.
Sam took a step forward, breaking the trance they'd both fallen under.
"Hello, sir," she said, with a small smile, obviously unsure about what to call him. Unsure if she should shake his hand, embrace him or simply stand apart from him, aloof. He faced the same dilemma.
"Carter," Jack said evenly. "I thought we agreed it was 'Jack.'"
"You're right. . . Jack." Sam said, still staring at him with wide eyes. "How was you're flight?"
"Typical. I had some screamin' kid behind me and some overweight guy wedged in next to me."
"Is that all you brought?" Sam asked, indicating the carry-on Jack held in his hand.
"Yeah. I kinda figured I over-packed just to have a little chat. Look, Carter, I'm here. So let's cut to the chase. What was so important I had to drag my ass out here?"
"It's Greenfield."
"Excuse me?"
"My last name, it's Greenfield." Jack noticed the ring she was nervously twisting on her finger. Of course she would have gotten married, he thought. He shouldn't have been so shocked by the news.
"I didn't figure you for the takin'-the-last-name type."
"Well, it's Carter-Greenfield, actually."
"Whatever. Look, I've got a splitting headache and all I really want is some answers. Don't they have a bar somewhere around here?"
Jack's mood was deteriorating fast. Just then a blonde man stepped up to Sam, placing a possessive arm around her shoulders, holding onto the hand of a small girl, who looked exactly like Sam. Jack felt some of his anger fading, seeing Sam's daughter. God, she looked just like her!
"Jack, I'd like you to meet my husband, Jeff Greenfield, Jeff, Jack O'Neill." Jack eyed the man before him. Jeff smiled at him, but it lacked warmth. Accepting the man's out-stretched hand, Jack tried to make his own smile more sincere, but knew he hadn't succeeded. He watched as Sam's eyes flitted between the two of them, as if she were trying to sense any hostility.
"And this is Kelsey," She said, picking her daughter up.
"Hello," she said. "Are you my mommy's friend? She said an old friend of hers was coming here today. You sure look old."
"Kelsey!" Sam admonished, but couldn't hide her grin. If she were on good terms with Jack, it's probably something she would have said herself.
"Cute. She really does take after you," Jack said, smiling now.
"So, you and my wife were in the Air Force together." Jeff stated, stressing the word "wife."
"Yeah, we made quite a team in those days," Jack said, grinning at Sam, making small talk like he was working a cocktail party.
"Sam doesn't talk much about those days," Jeff said.
Sam's head snapped up, giving her husband a glaring look. Jack didn't know what it was about, but Sam was definitely *not* a happy camper. Even after all this time he could still read her emotions.
"Look, I just had a long flight and it's starting to get a little dry in here. Whaddya say we move this little reunion to someplace where I could get a drink?"
"I'd prefer not to have my daughter in a bar," Jeff said.
"Well, that settles it then, since I came here to talk to Sam." Jack was tired of all the beating around the bush these two were doing. Sam had something to tell him? Fine. Let her tell him so he could go home and pretend to forget about her again.
Jeff was clenching his jaw, about to protest, when Sam dragged him off a few feet, talking to him in hushed tones. Jack didn't catch much, but most of what he heard was Sam's pleading with him to understand.
Finally, he looked up, frowning at Jack. "Fine. We'll wait for you at the main entrance. I'll give you an hour."
As Jeff left them, Jack called out, insincerely, "Nice to have met you!"
Sam gave him a venomous stare. "Well, one thing hasn't changed. You're still ass, Jack."
***
*Nice way to get on his good side,* Sam thought to herself. It was just so hard not to fall into the same routine they'd always had. Either the flirting that was on the edge of improper behavior or the constant baiting of the other.
"I'm glad to see he hasn't taken all the of 'Carter' out of you," Jack teased, easing the tension between them.
"Jack, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. I really am incredibly grateful you came here."
Suddenly serious, Jack asked, "okay, Sam. What is this all about? You mentioned P2R-665. . . ."
"Not here. Let's just wait until we get to the lounge, okay?"
Jack threw up his arms. "Sure, why not? What's a few more minutes of mystery?"
***
Sam and Jack settled in a far corner of the tacky airport bar, waiting for the cocktail waitress to saunter over to them. Once they placed their order, Jack turned his attention back to Sam.
"Okay, we've got as much privacy as we're going to get around here, so spill it. What couldn't you tell me over the phone?"
"I assume you remember what happened on P2R-. . . "
"665, yeah, I remember. Facing death has a way of sticking with you."
"We were in bad situations before," Sam reminded him.
"Yeah, but not like that. And we'd never. . . . I mean, we were pretty sure we were going to die in the morning, so it was understandable that we. . ."
"Slept together?" she couldn't quite term it as "making love," even though it's how she chose to remember it.
"Well, that's a little more polite than what I would have called it," Jack said, looking down at the table. He looked up, meeting her gaze, adding. "we had sex, Sam, and I'm sorry. Sorry I didn't have more restraint, and sorry we never really cleared the air after we got back. We never quite got back to where we'd been before that, did we?"
Sam swallowed, trying to keep her emotions in check. "No, we didn't. I can't tell you how much I missed that. How much I missed being comfortable around you, and having you be comfortable with me. I tried to bring it up, to talk to you about what happened, but you just kept brushing it aside, as if it hadn't occurred. That was the mistake, Jack. Not what happened on the planet."
"I know," he sighed, looking down once more, only to be distracted by the waitress placing a scotch in front of him.
"That's the real reason why you left, isn't it? Because things were so strained between us."
"It's part of the reason," Sam acknowledged.
"So, I got that part on my own," Jack said. "Why call me and ask me to come here just to tell me that? You could have said this over the phone."
"Like I said, it was part of the reason."
"And the other part?" he asked, taking a sip of his drink.
Sam fiddled with the straw of her soda, still hesitating how she should phrase her confession. "The day I resigned, the day I came to talk to you, I was coming to tell you something else."
"What? What were you going to tell me?"
"As I approached your door, I heard you talking to Daniel. Talking to him about what happened on the planet."
Jack looked sheepish. "So, you were pissed that I was talking to Danny about it, but not you. I guess I can see that, but did you have to resign over it?"
"You told him it was a mistake. That you'd wished it never happened," Sam's voice caught, her eyes starting to fill with tears.
"Yeah, I did, because I felt the reason everything had gone to hell with us was because I couldn't keep it in my pants."
"Jack," Sam said, wiping the tears that were now flowing down her cheeks, "I was coming to tell you I was. . .that I was pregnant."
Jack's mouth dropped open as he stared at her in total disbelief. "Pregnant? But. . .I thought. . . . Didn't Jolinar. . . . You weren't on any kind of birth control?" The disjointed sentences still didn't seem to be sinking the concept into his brain.
"Birth control? Why, because of my active social life? You, more than anyone, knew I had no life outside the SGC. It seemed a little ridiculous to risk the side effects when there was no reason. And you're right. Jolinar *did* mess up my body chemistry. I never expected to have *any* children because of it. And I certainly didn't expect to find my self pregnant after. . .after what happened with us. I mean it was only the once."
"Well, twice, if you want to get technical," Jack said. "God," he said, downing his drink in one gulp.
Sam watched as Jack let the knowledge settle in his brain. Suddenly, his head snapped up.
"You had the baby?"
"Yes," she said quietly, unable to look him in the eye. "A boy."
"Jesus, Sam! You had my kid and never *told* me? Never even gave me the option of being his father? Christ! You *know* how much kids mean to me! What Charlie meant to me! How could you have kept this to yourself?"
"I'm sorry, Jack. I know I should have told you!" Sam cried, looking back up at him. "Do you know how many times I tried to tell you? How many times I picked up the phone to try and explain? After I met Jeff, and we decided to get married, it just seemed harder and harder to come up with a way to tell you."
"You're *sorry?* that's all you have to say? You've been living a lie for what, a little over ten years and 'sorry' is the best you can do?"
"I did it for you!"
"Oh, right! Please spare me the speech about how you didn't tell me so you could protect my position at the SGC!" Jack's voice had raised sufficiently to earn him some dirty looks from the surrounding customers.
"That was part of it, I admit. But what did you expect me to say after I heard what you said to Daniel? You told him you would give anything to take it back! That you didn't think of me in that way! How the hell was I supposed to walk into your office and expect you to be even mildly accepting of the fact I was having your baby?"
"Sam, we would have worked something out! You were quick enough to leave the SGC for private research, to run away. We could have worked out. . .something," he repeated.
"Like what? Me staying on as a civilian? I couldn't do that any more than you could. How do you think I would have felt watching you all go off without me? And my staying on as a civilian wouldn't have stopped you from getting court-martialed! Especially given the circumstances of our 'encounter,' I'm sure we both would have been brought up on charges. Even if it was a mutual decision. That wasn't how I planned to end my military career, or yours."
"So, you ran away," Jack accused. "God! I still can't believe you never told me! Where the hell is that cocktail waitress?"
Sam reached across the table, trying to touch his hand.
"Don't, Carter," he said as he snatched his hand back. "I don't want to be comforted. I don't want to understand, because I can't. There's no reason for keeping this from me. You could have said *something* before this. Even if you couldn't say it, you could have wrote to me for Christ's sake!"
"I know," Sam whispered, looking down once more, as her tears flowed freely. "But I was scared. Scared of this. Scared of you looking at me that way; disgusted with me."
Jack sighed. "Sam, I'm not disgusted with you. I'm angry as hell, but can you blame me?"
"No," she said, wiping at her eyes in vain.
"So why now? Why'd you suddenly decide this was the day to turn my life upside down?"
Sam hesitated. How much more could she subject him to and expect him not to just walk out of the dingy bar, and never speak to her again?
"Where is he? You brought your daughter and husband, were you afraid to let me see him?"
"He couldn't come."
"Why? Nintendo more important than meeting your real old man?"
"He. . .he isn't well," Sam managed.
"What? He's sick? Got a cold or somethin'?"
God, he was going to make her spell it out for him! "No, Jack, he doesn't have a cold. He's just been diagnosed with aplastic anemia."
"Plastic what?"
"*A* plastic anemia. It's a condition where his body isn't producing enough red blood cells."
"And that's bad, right?"
"It's very bad, Jack. He's dying."
Jack's gaze met Sam's, and for the first time, there was genuine sympathy in his eyes. "Oh, God, Sam! That's why you called? Because he's sick?"
"Yes."
"So, what's this, like some kind of last minute plea? To try and redeem yourself for keeping my son from me for all these years?"
"No, Jack. I mean, yes, in a way. I guess if this hadn't happened I wouldn't have been forced to contact you."
"Kinda weird feelin' like I should be grateful he got sick so I had the chance to meet him."
Sam glared at him. "How can you even think that? If you knew the pain he's gone through, both mentally and physically you'd think before you speak!"
"I want to see him. Now. He's in the hospital, right? Take me to him."
"Jack, maybe it would be better if you calmed down a bit before. . ."
"Damn it, Sam! I didn't come all the way out here for you to drop this little bombshell on me just to board the next plane home! You take me to him! Now!"
"Okay! Just calm down! Being ready to kill me isn't exactly going to win you any points when you meet him."
"I'm not gonna to kill you, Sam. At least not until I've seen him." Normally, that statement would have been laced with Jack's brand of sarcasm. This time it wasn't. He was serious. There was going to be no easy forgiveness for her.
***
Jack stood outside the door of his son's room. His son. The words almost didn't have any meaning for him. Standing there, he had the strangest sense of deja vu. The last time he'd seen Charlie was in a room like this, barely hanging on to life. Now he was going to see another son, for the first time, also in a hospital room, hanging on to life. There was definitely some irony here.
"Jack?" Sam asked, lightly touching his arm.
"Yeah. Let's do this," he said, surprised to find his voice hoarse.
Jeff started towards them, but Sam held up her hand. "I think it's better if it's just us, first, okay?"
He nodded, stepping back away from the entrance to Jon's room, but not before giving Jack a warning.
"You better not say anything to upset *my* son. You might have been there for the conception, but in every way that matters, he's mine."
"Look, *Buddy,*" Jack said, getting in Jeff's face, "I was there for more than just the 'conception' as you put it! And I would have been there for both of them if I'd known Sam was pregnant!"
"You seem like a pretty smart guy, Jack. I think if you'd had any compassion towards Sam, you would have figured out what was going on with her!"
"Don't you presume to tell me what I felt for Samantha!" Jack almost shouted, stepping closer to Jeff.
"Jack! Jeff! Stop it!" Sam cried, holding her hands up to her temples. "This isn't going to solve anything! The important person here is Jon! You think he won't hear this or pick up on all this fighting? He's *my* son. And while you've both played a part in his life, I won't have *either* of you upsetting him!"
Jack and Jeff stared at each other, then backed off.
"She's right," Jeff said. "I'll talk to him later." He turned, taking Kelsey with him.
"Feel better? Now that you've got all that macho posturing out of the way?" Sam asked.
"Actually, yeah. Let's go."
Sam pushed the door open crossing to the bed where a pale boy lay. Jack approached slowly, uncertain of what he was going to say. Looking down at the child, Jack felt his breath catch. It could have been Charlie! His features mirrored his dead son's so closely, Jack felt his knees growing weak. Jack sagged a bit against the bed, causing Sam to grab his arm.
"Jack? Are you all right?"
"Charlie," he mumbled. "He looks just like Charlie."
Sam was at a loss for words as Jack suddenly turned to leave the room. He needed air. Needed to pull himself together before he even thought about meeting him. As he rushed from the room, he heard a weak voice.
"Mom? Who was that?"
"An old friend of mine, Honey. I'll be right back. Okay?"
Jack didn't hear the boy's response as the door shut behind him. Leaning on the corridor wall, he covered his face with his hands. Why was he so surprised? Everyone always told him Charlie was his spitting image. It stood to reason Sam's son could look like him as well. He was sure there were differences, but he hadn't had time to look for them. All he saw was the similarity between the two boys who would have been brothers.
He felt a hand on his arm. "Jack? What's wrong? Why did you leave?"
It took a moment, but finally he whispered. "Charlie. He looks just like Charlie." Jack took a deep breath. "I don't know what I was expecting. . . . Maybe for him to look more like you. Like Kelsey does. I don't know. It was just kind of a shock."
"I'm sorry," Sam said. "I should have realized. I mean I've seen pictures of Charlie at your house, and I know how much Jon looks like you, and. . ."
"Jon? His name is Jon? As in Jonathan? You *named* him after me but you couldn't tell me about him?" Jack was staring at Sam with such fury he caused her to take a step back.
"Jack, I. . . ."
"Save it, Carter," he snapped almost as if he were in a position to still give her orders. Now that he was a little more prepared to see him, Jack wanted to talk to his son.
Sam followed him into the room, pasting on a fake smile. This time when she introduced him as an old friend, her voice shook, probably feeling she no longer had the right to refer to him as her friend.
"Jon, honey, this is Jack. An old friend of mine from when I used to be in the Air Force." Sam held the boy's hand and looked tentatively at Jack, begging him with her eyes not to upset him.
"Hey, Sport," Jack said, extending his hand.
Jon let go of his mother's hand and shook Jack's. "It's nice to meet you, sir."
"Hey, what's with the 'sir' stuff? Your mom teach you that? Call me 'Jack,'" he smiled.
"Okay, Jack."
There was a tense silence as everyone looked to the other to say something.
"Soooo," Jack finally said, jamming his hands into the pockets of his jeans, "you're not feelin' too hot, huh?"
"Just a little tired, is all."
Jack could see he was trying to be brave in front of his mother, and for some reason he felt proud of him. He'd barely met the kid and already he found himself liking him. Of course he'd like him, he thought. He was his son. His and Sam's. How could he *not* care about him? Just the thought sent his head spinning. In all the times he'd thought about her over the years, this was the last scenario he'd come up with. True, he'd had some day dreams that if she'd stuck around the SGC, eventually they might have gotten together. Maybe they would have even had some kids. But this wasn't how he'd envisioned having that kid. Meeting him for the first time when he was sick and half-way to adulthood.
"So, what do ya like to do, besides hangin' out in the hospital?"
"Oh, I don't know. I'm working on project for my science fair competition. If I win, they're going to display it in the Science Museum of Minnesota."
Jack looked up at Sam, his gaze softening for the first time since he'd learned of Jon's existence. "Geeze, Carter, couldn't you have taught him how to play hockey or somethin'?"
"I do play hockey," Jon piped up. "Or rather I did, before I was sick."
"All right!" Jack exclaimed, giving the boy a high-five. "I knew I liked you!"
"Well, this *is* Minnesota, after all," Sam said. "He could hardly avoid it."
"Mom's not a big fan," Jon said, almost as if he were sharing inside information.
"Oh, I know. When a game used to be on, I'd bribe her and tell her we were gonna watch 'Nova.' It didn't take her long to catch on though. You're mom's kinda smart." Jack glanced over at Sam, noticing the small, embarrassed smile playing on her lips.
"Okay, you guys! Two against one isn't fair! Hockey's. . .okay. I just don't see the point of it, that's all."
"Mom!" Jon wailed, as if he'd have this conversation with her before.
"Are ya any good?" Jack asked.
Jon shrugged. "I'm okay, I guess. Coach says I have 'potential.'"
"Well, ya know, once you can pry yourself away from the great food and good lookin' women around here, I'll have to show you some moves. I used to be pretty good. Had some 'potential' of my own at one point."
"Really? That would be *so* cool! My dad's tried, but he's not very good. But don't tell him I said that," he said, looking to his mother then back to Jack. "I don't want to hurt his feelings."
"It'll be our secret," Jack said.
Jon grew quiet, suddenly, playing with the edge of his blanket.
"Honey? What's wrong?" Sam asked. Jack noticed the shift in the boy's mood as well.
"Nothing," Jon tried to smile at her, but he didn't quite make it. "It's just that. . .it's just that I know I need that transplant to get better. And I start thinking about playing hockey. Even if I get the transplant, you're not going to let me play again, are you?"
Jack's head snapped up. His eyes bored into Sam's as she tried placating her son. "Jon, that'll be up to the doctors. If they say it's all right, I won't make you quit."
"It doesn't matter," Jon said, picking at the fibers of the blanket. "They'll never find a donor for me anyway."
"Don't talk like that!" Sam stated emphatically. "Jon, we'll find one! You're going to get better! You're going to be playing hockey, and army, and going back to school before you know it!"
Jack could see Jon was fighting the temptation to cry. "I'm kind of tired now, Mom. I'm going to go to sleep for awhile, okay?"
Sam stroked the hair from his brow. "Sure, Jon. I'll be just outside if you need me, okay?"
Jon nodded his head. "Jack, you're not going back to Colorado, are you?"
"Not yet, Buddy. I've got to show you those hockey moves, remember?"
Jon nodded again, rolling over onto his side.
***
Jack followed Sam out of Jon's room, grabbing her arm as soon as they were out of earshot.
"You and I need to have a little chat, Mrs. Greenfield."
"Jack! You're hurting me! Let go!" she whispered.
"Where can we go to talk in private?" he asked, propelling her down the hallway.
"There's a waiting room around the next corner."
Jack pulled her roughly into the room. "*Now* it's all starting to come together," he said. "How much longer were you going to wait to tell me he needs a transplant of some kind? That's the real reason you called me, isn't it? The real reason you insisted I come here to have this little reunion! So I could be his donor!"
"Jack, I was going to tell, you, really I was, but I didn't want to drop everything on you at once! My, God! How would you have felt if I'd called you up, told you about Jon and that he needed a bone marrow transplant all in one quick phone call? It's bad enough you had to find out this way!"
"Damn straight it's bad! It wouldn't have gotten to this point if you hadn't kept his birth a secret from me!" Jack released her arm and Sam moved away from him, rubbing the spot he'd gripped her.
"Okay, Jack, you're right. I was completely wrong not to tell you about Jon. And calling you only when I want, no *need* something from you is reprehensible." She stopped to try and catch her breath as she began crying once more. "I can't tell you how sorry I am that it came to this. That I'm *using* you. But I didn't know what to do. I was so scared. I'm *still* so scared. If we can't find a donor, my son is going to die. You of all people should understand how desperate I feel! You know what it's like to lose a son!"
"So, I get to do it all over again, huh? Find out I've got a second chance at being a father, only to discover *this* son is going to die as well? Talk about being trapped in the Twilight Zone!"
"I can't lose him," Sam sobbed, taking a seat, burying her face in her hands. "I don't know what I'd do if I lost him."
Jack felt himself softening. He knew exactly what this felt like. To be so scared you would rather go into battle unarmed rather than face the possibility your child wasn't going to make it. To beg a higher power to take you instead, so your son had a chance at life.
Sitting down next to Sam, he put his arm around her shoulders. "I'm sorry too, Sam. I know what you're going through, and even though I'm still angry you didn't tell me about Jon, I wouldn't wish this helpless feeling on anyone."
"Please believe me, Jack, I never meant to hurt you by keeping Jon a secret. I knew if you found out I was pregnant, you would have insisted on marrying me. I didn't want that, not when you didn't love me. It wasn't fair to either of us. Then you were so angry with me because I was leaving, I was too scared to tell you."
"Sam," Jack said, pulling her back slightly so he could see her face, "Where did you come up with I didn't love you? I didn't know myself how I felt about you. That was the problem! We crossed a line we weren't ready to cross. And yes, you're right, I probably would have done the 'honorable thing' and married you, but would it have been so bad? At least we were friends! If we weren't in love, we probably would have ended up there."
"I just couldn't see myself staying at the SGC with a baby. It just wouldn't have worked, and you know it. Even as a civilian it would have demanded too much of my time."
"I could have retired. I had, twice."
"I know, and I thought about it. I know you think I came to this decision easily, but I didn't. Jack, the SGC needed you. My loss was going to be bad enough, but both of us would have truly damaged the program. I worked too long and hard to see it become a reality to ruin it by taking you as well."
Jack allowed Sam to pull herself away from him. "There were no easy answers, were there?" he said.
"No. I really thought my leaving was the best of the bad choices. And then I met Jeff. He was kind, funny, giving. He reminded me of you without the sarcasm," she confessed. "And most importantly, he was willing to raise another man's child without question. He never even knew where I came up with the name 'Jonathan' until two days ago. We had quite a fight about it, actually."
"Yeah, something like that wouldn't have set too well with me either," Jack said.
Sam sat back on the uncomfortable vinyl chair, staring at him. "What are you thinking?"
"I'm wondering how you can always get me to forget how pissed I am at you."
"Did I piss you off a lot?"
"Only because you were usually right. And because you could always see through the jokes to know what I was really feeling. Couldn't get much past you, Carter."
Sam managed to smile a bit. "Still can't, sir."
Jack blew out a breath. "So, this bone marrow thingy. What's it take?"
"You're willing to try?" Sam asked, suddenly sitting up straighter, leaning closer to him.
"Well, that's why you dragged me out here, isn't it?" Jack felt the beginnings of a smile coming to his face.
"First there's a blood test. If you're compatible, then Dr. Bellanca does what's called a 'bone marrow aspiration.' That involves taking bone marrow from either your sternum or from you hip. Most likely it'll be your hip."
"Takes it how?"
"With a syringe."
"As in big honkin' needle?"
"They put you to sleep," Sam assured him. Jack felt the blood drain from his face. If there was one thing he didn't miss about the SGC, it was Janet's exams and tests.
"And then what? They inject it into Jon's bones?"
"Into an IV, actually. The hope is the healthy bone marrow will start producing red blood cells and reverse the effects of the anemia. Dr. Bellanca tells me it's relatively painless."
"Yeah, well, I bet he wouldn't say that if it was happening to him."
Sam grinned at his grumbling. "It's nice to know something's haven't changed. You're still a baby when it comes to needles."
"I never saw you fightin' to be the first in line for your post-mission physical," he smiled back.
Jack hadn't realized how much he'd missed trading quips with Sam. It was useless as ever for him to try to stay mad at her. He guessed he could understand her reasons for not telling him. It didn't make it right, or make up for the time he lost with Jon. But he had the chance to get to know him now, and he wasn't going to miss the opportunity.
***
Sam looked up as Jack exited the lab, sliding on his jacket.
"They said they'd have the results early tomorrow," he told her.
"Thank you, Jack. You don't know what this means to me. To all of us."
"Ya, well, it's just a test, Sam. Don't get your hopes up until we find out the results."
"I know," she said looking down at her hands. "But this is going to work. I can just feel it."
"So, where's the better half?" Jack asked.
"With Jon. Kelsey's with him too."
"How do they get along? The kids I mean."
"Surprisingly well. I think because there's such an age gap between them," she said. "Kelsey worships Jon, and he's amazingly patient with her."
"Kinda like us, huh? You worshipped me, and I was amazingly patient."
Sam burst out laughing, the first real laugh since this nightmare began. "You still tell the worst jokes."
"And you still laugh at them. I've missed you, Sam."
Suddenly feeling shy, Sam confessed, "I missed you too, Jack." Tentatively, she looked up at him. Seeing the honest emotion in his eyes made her heart flutter. *Damn!* She thought. She could have sworn she was completely over him, but one look, and five minutes of civility had all her old feelings rushing back to her.
"I. . .I really should get back to Jon. Do you want to come?"
"I would, but since I hadn't planned on being here more than a few hours, I didn't make any arrangements for a room or anything. And it looks like I'm going to have to cash in my return ticket for a later date."
Sam was about to offer to let him stay with them, but knew the situation would be too awkward. "I can recommend some places nearby, if you like, tell you how to get there. I suppose you'll have to rent a car, too. Jack, you understand why I don't. . ."
"It's okay, Sam. It would be a little too weird. This'll be fine."
"I just wish there was something I could do for you. I can't believe you're being so understanding after, well, after the kind of day it's been."
"There is one thing you could do for me."
"Anything."
"Promise me when visiting hours are over you'll go home and get some rest. You look like hell, Sam. You're not going to help Jon by letting him see how worried you are."
"Jack, I can't leave him! I'll sleep in the chair or something, but I can't go! Do you know how hard it was to leave him even to come to the airport?"
Jack nodded. "Yeah, I do. Okay, I won't fight you on this. At least not right now. Promise me you'll try to get some sleep?"
"I'll try."
"I'll make sure she doesn't over-do it," Jeff said, coming up behind Jack. "I see you two settled your differences?"
"We called a truce," Jack acknowledged.
"Jack had his blood drawn for the compatibility test," Sam informed Jeff. She watched as Jeff held his emotions in check long enough to thank Jack.
Jeff extended his hand, offering it to Jack. "I'm sorry we got off on the wrong foot, Jack. I can't tell you what this means to Sam and I that you're willing to give this a shot."
Sam knew what it had taken for Jeff to say the words he had to Jack. If there ever was a time she felt she didn't deserve Jeff, this was it. Here she was, practically flaunting a past lover in his face, and he was the one bearing the olive branch.
It took a moment, but Jack eventually grasped the man's hand. "It's been kind of a rough day for all of us," he said. "Well," Jack said, clearing his throat. "I should get going on finding that room."
"I'll give you a hand," Sam volunteered again.
"Ya know, Sam, I'll just call a cab. You've been away from Jon enough today."
"Jeff could take you, couldn't you?" she asked.
Jeff hesitated then answered, "sure. You mind taking Kelsey, though? I could use a break from keeping my eye on her."
"Of course," she said, taking Kelsey's hand.
"I want to stay with Daddy!"
Sam looked apologetically at Jeff. She really didn't want to cause a scene over something so trivial. "I'm sorry. Do you mind?"
"No," Jeff sighed. "It's okay. We'll see you later." He leaned in and gave Sam a kiss good-bye. It was certainly a more extensive kiss than necessary, but she knew whose benefit it was for. "I'll be back as soon as I can," he told her
"It's really not a problem to call a cab," Jack said.
"It's fine, Jack," Jeff said. "After all, a lift to a motel is the least I can do."
***
Jack wished he'd insisted on the cab. At first he thought he was going to be subjected to another warning from Sam's husband, instead there was just intense silence. Neither man seemed sure what to say to the other. Jack found he couldn't even make passing comments on the city they were driving through without sounding ridiculous.
Mercifully, the ride to the motel was short. Jeff pulled up to the entrance, looking over at Jack.
"If you decide to rent a car, just take the road out here until you get to 35E, that's the expressway, then get off on University Avenue. You'll see the hospital from there."
"Thanks for the ride."
"Sure. I guess we'll see you tomorrow, huh?"
"Yeah, probably early. The doc said the tests should be back by then."
"Okay."
Jack didn't know what else to say to him, so he just exited the van, watching him drive off. He wondered how he would handle things if the situation were reversed. Could he be civil if Sam were his wife? Shaking his head, Jack entered the small "lobby" to check-in.
***
Once in his modest room, Jack tossed his small bag on the bed. God, he hated motel rooms. No matter where in the country you were they were the same: semi-antiseptic smelling, generic furnishings with a television displayed prominently in the center of the room. There was just something about them that underscored the fact he was alone.
Picking up the television remote, Jack flopped down on the bed and began flipping channels. Nothing. Not one thing caught his interest. He by-passed the news, not caring what was going on in this section of the country or what the weather was going to be. He was going to be inside a hospital most of the time anyway. What difference did it make if it was going to rain or not?
Jack knew why he kept trying to find something on the TV to distract him. Every time there wasn't something else on his mind, memories of what had happened all those years ago crept in, demanding attention.
Finally, Jack gave up. One way or another he knew the memories of what had happened on P2R-665 were going to haunt him again. Closing his eyes, Jack let the memories wash over him. . . .
***
Jack stepped out of the event horizon of the Stargate, shaking his hands to get the blood flowing. It didn't take long as a warm blast of desert air hit him. This mission was going to be more along the lines of Daniel's expertise, as the UAV had shown them ruins of a long-dead civilization about two kilometers from the gate. It was *not* what he was looking forward to. Sand and Daniel's rocks. What a way to waste a perfectly good trip through the 'gate.
The probes hadn't indicated any hostile activity, but Jack was alert nonetheless. He just wanted to get this mission over with and get home. Something about it just wasn't sitting right with him. He couldn't put his finger on it. There was no sign of recent Goa'uld activity. In fact, the only evidence that there had ever been a Goa'uld presence here, was ancient.
The planet reminded him of Abydos, in a way, except without the people. The ruins in the distance had an Egyptian look to them, and Jack could see Daniel practically salivating.
"Can't you hurry it up a bit, Jack?" Daniel asked, nearly breaking into a jog.
"What's the rush? Doesn't look like those old stones are going anywhere," Jack countered, knowing how much the delay was killing Daniel.
"I'm going to go on ahead. You guys take your time," Daniel said, holding down his hat as he picked up his pace.
"Carter, go with him, okay? Teal'c and I will keep our eyes open if the sand comes alive or somethin'."
"Yes, sir," Sam answered, giving Jack a brief, knowing smile. She too was amused by Daniel's enthusiasm.
"Daniel! Wait up a second!" Sam called, running to catch up with her eager team mate.
Jack just shook his head, adjusting his sunglasses.
"Danieljackson seems most excited by this planet," Teal'c said.
"Ya think? How a bunch of falling down buildings can give the guy a hard-on is beyond me." Teal'c just looked at him, raising an eyebrow at his comment. Boy, Jack hoped the big guy just let the remark drop. He didn't feel like explaining *that* one.
Teal'c and Jack reached the outskirts of what used to be a sizable settlement as Daniel was exiting what might have been a temple.
"Jack! Teal'c! You've got to come and see this! It's another map room!" Daniel ran back into the building as Jack motioned to Teal'c.
"After you."
It took a moment for Jack's eyes to adjust to the dim light in the huge room. He wasn't sure where the light was coming from, but Carter and Daniel had kicked up quite a bit of dust and he felt as if he was viewing the room through a fog.
"Sir, Daniel and I think these are a second set of co-ordinates for the Stargates. We think this might be the other half of the map he found on Abydos."
"The other *half?*" Jack asked incredulously, looking at the hundreds, possibly even thousands of addresses lining the walls of the structure.
"You're sure some of them aren't repeats?" Jack asked.
"I don't think so," Daniel said. "It makes sense, in a way. According to Sam, this planet is directly across the galaxy from Abydos. Half of the cartouches are here, and the other half there."
"That's. . .it's mind boggling!"
"I know," Sam said with a big grin. "Isn't it incredible? And to think we've only scratched the surface with all the worlds we've been to. Even if you went from 'gate to 'gate without looking around, you couldn't visit all the planets in one lifetime."
"Okay," Jack said, holding up his hand to stop her. "*We* couldn't, but the Goa'uld could, right? I mean they live practically forever."
"It's possible," Sam agreed, "but there probably isn't a reason for them to go to all of them. It was just an example, sir."
Jack looked around to see if Daniel or Teal'c had heard their conversation. "I knew that."
Sam smiled her knowing little smile again. How did she do that? How did she always seem to know what he was thinking? He had to admit he could read her pretty well, but not as good as she could him. It didn't seem fair.
"Okay, kids," Jack said louder. "Daniel, you got your recorder so you can get pictures of your little symbol thingies?"
"Glyphs," Daniel said. "They're called 'glyphs,' Jack."
"Whatever. Get what you need so we can get out of here."
"But, Jack! We're not out of time! And I think there's a tomb here. According to this," Daniel said, pointing to an inscription on the wall, "'a powerful Lord greets the afterlife.' I want to see if they buried him like an ancient Egyptian or if there was some Goa'uld practice they followed."
"Daniel! Is it really necessary? This place is starting to give me the creeps."
"Sir, I think Daniel's right. What are the chances we'll be able to come back? I mean another team can always return, but we'll likely be sent somewhere else." Sam lowered her voice. "It would really mean a lot to him, sir."
"Oh, for cryin' out loud!" he muttered, just loud enough for Daniel to hear. "Okay, Danny. Ya got two hours. After that, we're outta here."
"Thanks, Jack. You won't regret this! I know it could be another significant find."
"Carter," he said, jerking his head in the direction Daniel had just left.
"Yes, sir," she smiled, following Daniel once more.
Jack was taking one more look around the map room when he heard shouts and weapons fire. Instantly alert, Jack and Teal'c raced for the entrance, hiding just inside the vestibule trying to ascertain the situation. Surrounding the building that housed Sam and Daniel, were about twenty men, armed with staff weapons. They were shouting one word over and over, firing whenever they saw movement. Sam was firing her gun at the men, aiming towards their feet, at first, hoping to scatter them. When that didn't work, she took deadly aim, wounding and possibly killing two or three men. Daniel was attempting to shoot as well, but his marksmanship had always been lacking. The stress of the situation wasn't improving his aim.
Teal'c and Jack fired into the mob, surprising and distracting them long enough for Sam and Daniel to run the few meters to their location.
"What the hell happened?" Jack demanded.
"Sir, we were just looking around when suddenly we heard shouts outside the tomb. When we came to the entrance, they started shooting."
"Daniel, what are they saying?" Jack asked.
"I'm not sure, but it sounds like 'defilers.' Or 'kill the defilers.' something like that."
"Well, I'd say that's a close enough translation! What did you do?"
"Nothing!" Daniel cried, defensively.
"It must have been somethin'! They look pretty pissed to me!"
"The only thing I can think of is they're some type of royal guard or something." Jack raised his eyebrows at Daniel, silently asking him for more information.
"Well, among some cultures there is a guard left to protect royal tombs against raiders. Their sole function is to make sure no one enters a tomb, or if they do, that they don't leave alive."
"So, these guys hang around here just on the off-chance someone shows up and wants some souvenirs?"
"Something like that," Daniel acknowledged.
"Geeze, and I thought our military wasted manpower," Jack muttered. He watched as the men now gathered in strategic positions outside the building they occupied.
"Daniel, is there any other way out of here? Didn't Egyptians always build all kinds of secret passages and stuff?"
"Well, yeah, but not out of public buildings. There really isn't much need for an escape route from a library."
"Guess we're just going to have to do this the hard way," Jack said. "Carter, you and I'll take point, Teal'c, we'll try to cover you and Daniel. Head straight for the 'gate, we'll be right behind you. If for some reason, we don't make it, I want you to go through. Ya got that?"
"Jack, we're not leaving you here!"
"I didn't say you were, I ain't too keen on the idea of being target practice for these guys, either, but if we have to worry you didn't go through, it's going to make our job a lot harder. So, no arguments, okay?"
Daniel looked like he was going to throw up. "I can shoot the gun, Jack. I don't think we should split up!"
"I concur with Danieljackson," Teal'c said. "I believe you will require my assistance as well."
"Look, guys. I'm not asking you to leave us behind! I'm saying if you get to the 'gate, I want you to go through because we'll be right behind you."
"He's right, Daniel," Sam said. "We can concentrate on the job at hand if we know you're safe."
"It's probably a moot point anyway," Jack said. "Looks like they've called for reinforcements." As he gazed out the entryway, Jack could see the number of soldiers had easily doubled. Where the hell had they all come from? The video from the UAV showed this place to be deserted. Shouldn't *somebody* have shown up on it?
"Okay, here's the plan. We'll try to move from building to building without getting shot. Once we're out of the city, we run like hell."
"That's the plan?" Daniel asked. "I could have come up with a better plan than that!"
"Look, there's no protection here, it's the best we can do. Sam and I will lay down some cover fire. You and Teal'c head for that building over to our left. Then you guys cover us. Got it?"
"I still think it's a stupid plan," Daniel complained.
"Yeah, well, when you take over command of this unit you can call the shots, all right?" Jack nodded at Sam and they started firing at the guards surrounding the map building.
"Go, go, go!" Jack shouted, pushing Daniel out the doorway of the building. Teal'c was firing as they ran until they were in the entrance of the next building. Firing their guns, and with Teal'c's help, Sam and Jack made it to their friend's location.
"And that's how it's done, Camper's," Jack said with a cocky grin. "Four more like that and we're home free."
Surprisingly, the tomb guards didn't pick up on their tactics and they all made it to the last building, just before the village's gateway.
"This is the big one, guys," Jack said, replacing a clip in his gun. He noticed Sam doing the same. He only had one round left after this one. Hopefully Sam still had some ammunition left.
"Jack, there's no guarantee they won't follow us out into the desert," Daniel pointed out.
"I know. That's where the running part comes in. Now Daniel, I don't want to hear any more arguments from you. Carter and I will be right behind you, now go!"
Jack watched as Teal'c and Daniel took off at a dead run. He knew Teal'c wanted to stay and help cover them, but he also understood Jack's need to see Daniel protected as well. Jack and Sam looked at each other and started firing. They were about to make a break for it when suddenly their escape route was cut off. Apparently this time the guards caught onto their strategies.
"Carter! Fall back!" Jack called, dragging her deeper into the crumbling structure.
Sam was breathing hard, her eyes wide. "Looks like we're out numbered, sir."
Jack ran a hand through his short, sand-encrusted hair. "Shit! We were almost there!"
"I haven't heard any weapons fire in the distance, sir. I think maybe Teal'c and Daniel might still get away."
"If they follow my orders and go through the 'gate," he said. "Daniel won't want to, but I think Teal'c understands why they need to go. If we don't make it, I'm sure they'll come back with reinforcements."
Actually, Jack wasn't sure they would. It would all depend on what Hammond thought their chances of survival were. Even he and Sam were expendable if the risk was too great.
"Sir, I know what the probability of General Hammond mounting a rescue is. You don't have to sound confident for me."
"Who said I was doing it for you?" Jack smiled at her. "I gotta keep my own spirits up here!"
Sam smiled at him, then ventured towards the opening of the building, only to be rewarded with a staff blast erupting just above her head.
"Carter! What the hell ya think you're doin'?" Jack cried, dragging her back by her vest.
"Just wanted to see if they were still out there. Looks like they've called for even more reserves," she said, sitting on the ground opposite him, her back against the wall. Just as she'd settled, another shot hit the ceiling above her head, showering Sam with dust and debris.
"Carter, how much ammo you got left?" Jack asked.
"Besides what's left in my gun? One round."
"Shit. Me too."
Jack peeked out a crack in the wall, watching as the number of guards gathering around their building increased. From the looks of things, they were now surrounded. Why didn't they just attack and get it over with? Jack wondered. Surely they realized it was only the two of them. Why the wait? Other than the knowledge he and Sam were going nowhere, and they decided to toy with them before killing them. Given the solitary nature of the planet, this was probably the most excitement they'd had in ages. They probably didn't want to kill off the only source of entertainment many of them were likely to see in a lifetime.
As if to emphasize the point, the guards took another pot shot at them, clearly intent on hassling rather than killing. His suspicions were confirmed when he heard talking amongst them, then laughter breaking out. Jack wished they could see him gesturing with his middle finger, but he figured the meaning of the hand movement would be lost on them anyway.
"It's not looking too good, is it, sir?"
"Now don't go getting all pessimistic on me," Jack said, turning to look at her, taking a small swig from his canteen. "I don't want to spend what could be my last hours with Lt. Colonel Samuels."
Sam stifled a laugh, then sobered. "Do you really think these could be our last hours?"
Jack sighed. He'd faced a lot of last hours. Too many instances when he thought he'd never live to see the light of day. This situation had the same feel to it.
"You want the truth, or some hope-filled platitudes?"
"I can take the truth," she said.
"Well, we've each got about enough ammunition to *maybe* make it to the outside wall. That's if they're feelin' generous. The way I see it, the only way we're getting out of here is if the calvary comes riding over the hill, and at the moment, I don't see that happenin'."
"Is it too late for that hope-filled platitude?" Sam asked.
"Of course, Daniel and Teal'c could show up with two or three SG units and enough firepower to blast these guys into a tomb of their own." he said.
"Nice try, sir."
It always seemed surreal when he realized hope was all he had left. He'd gotten by on the skin of his teeth so many times, he was beginning to feel invincible. Of course someone would show up at the last minute and rescue his sorry ass. Hadn't they always?
Any minute now he'd start thinking about his regrets. It was always about this stage of the game they started crowding his mind. He'd think of Charlie, which led to thoughts of Sara. Sure, he wished things hadn't ended with her. Or at least had ended more amicably, but that isn't what he really regretted. What was bothering him now was how he and Sam never had "the talk" after the events that happened with Freya/Anise and the whole zaytarc episode.
When Sam offered to "keep it in the room," Jack had taken the opportunity to avoid talking to her about it. His emotions were too raw, his embarrassment too acute to talk about it at the time. Not only was the way they acknowledged their feelings for each other painful, the fact it was too a room full of people didn't help either. Before they could even think about the possibility of discussion, Martouf had been killed--by Sam no less--pushing any thoughts about where they went from there from both their minds.
After that, there just never seemed to be the right time. He couldn't see himself bringing up the subject any more than he could see her stating, "so, got a thing for me, huh?"
Jack still didn't know how to broach the subject, so he started out with what he thought was a safe topic. "Sam, I don't think you know what it's meant to me to have you as my second-in-command."
"Sir, isn't it a little early to be having 'it's been an honor to have served with you' speeches? I mean we aren't making our move yet."
"I know, but before we do, I just wanted you to know. Every time I'm in a situation like this, I start to think about things I should have said and done, and, well, I didn't want to regret not having told you what a great second and asset to the team you are."
Sam looked at her boots, self-consciously scuffing the dirt. "Thank you, sir. That means a lot. I've learned a lot from you, too, sir. Not just about the military, although that's a big part of it. But life in general. That kind of surprised me."
"Really?" he asked, his tone slightly offended.
"Well, when I met you, you were still pretty bitter. You've changed a lot since then. I admire your strength, sir. And I don't mean physical. It takes a lot to give life a second chance."
Damn, if he wasn't getting misty! "Thanks, Carter," he said, clearing his throat. He wanted to say more. Tell her about how special she was to him. How a day didn't go by where he hadn't thought about *not* keeping things in that room, but he was afraid. No doubt she'd find that humorous. He didn't see himself as a coward, but in emotional situations, he was as yellow as they came.
"Ya know," he started out, fiddling with the cap of his canteen, "we never really talked about what happened that day we found out we weren't zaytarcs."
Jack couldn't see Sam in the dark, but he heard her intake of breath.
"Well, sir, I don't know that there's anything *to* say. I mean given our ranks and positions, I guess I thought it best if we tried to ignore what was said in that room."
"And you've been able to do that?" he asked, wondering how she did, because he'd sure like to know how it was done.
"Not really," she said. Jack could see her smile from the scant starlight filtering through what used to be a window.
"Me neither," he confessed quietly.
"Sir? How come you want to talk about this now? I mean I thought you were happy we hadn't discussed it."
Jack looked at his hands lying in his lap. "Well, I suppose it *was* easier for me not to not talk about. I'm not exactly known for 'gettin' in touch with my inner feelings.'"
Sam laughed, and Jack found himself smiling as well, dispelling a portion of his discomfort.
"That's one thing you'll never be accused of, sir."
"Sam? Ya think you could drop the 'sir?' After all, it's just us."
"You're right. . .Jack."
He couldn't help his grin from becoming wider. Only one or two times could he recall having heard Sam refer to him by his name, and he liked the way she said it. Sam spoke it with a warmth no one else did.
"So," he said, clearing his throat.
"So," she repeated, equally nervous. "Things must be pretty bad if we're really going to talk about this."
"Well, it never hurts to clear the air," he said, trying to avoid directly answering her. "When you told Freya or Anise, whoever it was doin' the testing, that you didn't care about dying, all you wanted was for me to get out alive, ya must have known I wouldn't leave you."
Sam waited a moment before she spoke. "I guess I knew you wouldn't. I think you would have stayed for any of us, though." There was another pause before she continued. "It wasn't until I looked into your eyes that I saw there was something more, at least I *thought* that's what I saw. And what I hoped," she added practically whispering.
Jack scooted across the hard-packed dirt of the floor to sit next to her. "Well, thanks to that nifty little Tok'ra device, you and a whole room full of people know there was something more." In the dim light he could see her nodding her head. "Sam? What if things were different? If it wasn't against the regs? Would you, ah, would you have considered seeing me, you know, like outside of work?"
"Of course I would!" she answered immediately. "But that's really not an option, is it?"
Jack sighed. "No, I guess not. Especially not anymore," he said, as another shot winged the building.
"Jack? It's not that I didn't want to. . .I mean sometimes it's so hard not to touch you, or tell you what you mean to me. But it's not just about us. I think about what it could do to the team if we became involved. Not that we'd be less professional, but I know I'm having a hard time maintaining my objectivity now, I think it would only be worse if we were. . .involved," she repeated.
Jack just nodded, realizing, as per usual, she'd targeted his greatest fear.
"So, ya think we should try gettin' outta here?" he asked, gesturing toward the entrance, hoping to change the subject.
"I'm thinking maybe dawn would be a better time to try to make a break for it. Since the suns went down, it's pretty black out there."
"The darkness would give us some cover," he pointed out.
"But what are the chances we'd find the Stargate? It's not like we can hide out anywhere until there's more light. This is it for concealment."
"I know," Jack sighed. "I just hate sitting here doin' nothing."
"I know. It's not my choice either."
Jack reached into his vest and pulled out a meal bar. "Want one? They make a great last supper."
"No thanks, I've got my own," she said. "Besides, I'm really not hungry."
"Me? I like to die on a full stomach."
Jack could barely see Sam try to smile then turned abruptly away, staring at the entrance of the building, trying to hide her tears.
Jack stopped mid-chew, suddenly losing his appetite himself, placing his arm around her shoulders.
"I'm sorry, Sam. I guess my sick humor is just sick right now."
"I'm sorry, too," she said, allowing her head to rest on his shoulder. "I keep thinking about things I should have said or done, too. I should have called Mark and his kids more often. Talked to Dad one more time. Should have done more work on the naquada reactor. The list seems endless."
"Well, like you said, we haven't tried to make a break for it. You might get a chance to do all those things yet." They sat, silent, staring into the black, moonless night. He could just make out her features, and he wondered if they should talk more. It didn't seem as if they'd resolved much, but he didn't know what else to say.
Jack shifted to get more comfortable, when his movement prompted a blast from a staff weapon. Automatically reacting, he grabbed Sam, pulling her beneath him, using his body to shield her from the debris falling from the ceiling. He'd knocked the wind out of her with his sudden movement, and she lay beneath him, gulping air. His heart was beating erratically with the sudden adrenaline surge, and he found his breath coming in short gasps as well. Sam's eyes were luminous in the low light, and without thinking, he lowered his mouth to hers, kissing her deeply, desperately.
Their chances of survival weren't good. He knew it and so did she. Suddenly regulations didn't seem to matter. All he wanted was to take this one last opportunity to show Sam how much he'd come to care for her. How much she meant to him.
Neither spoke as they frantically clutched at the other, running hands under clothing, touching flesh they'd been told was forbidden. And for a few moments, the world, the armed men, everything but the other went away.
Even though Jack wished he could see more of Sam's face as she moaned his name, he was thankful for the lack of light. There was something liberating about coupling in the dark. He doubted either of them would have acted with such abandon had they been able to witness the other.
As quickly as their desire flared between them, it was over, and Sam was pulling away from him, reaching for clothing that was never fully removed.
"Don't," was all he said, whispering in the dark, pulling her back into his arms. She didn't fight, moving quickly back into his warm embrace.
He should feel some remorse, Jack thought. Feel the need to apologize. Not only for the haste of the act, but for allowing it even to take place. But he didn't want to. Because he *didn't* regret it. This wasn't how he'd envisioned them coming together, and he'd had visions of it. Daydreams that one day they would be together. That possibility was ending, now. All they had was tonight. One last night to discover each other and live a lifetime.
***
Jack sat up, scrubbing his face with his hands. Of course, that wasn't exactly how things ended. They were rescued, just as he had predicted, by SG-3 and two other SG units. Saved by the bell. The calvary came charging over the proverbial hill. As he'd made love to Sam a second time, slowly, reverently, he truly thought it was his last chance to express to her how he felt. He hadn't told her he loved her. Their union was too new for that, even though he knew in his heart it was what he felt for her. Maybe if he'd told her, either that night or at some point after that, he wouldn't be lying in some poorly air-conditioned room having flash-backs. Maybe he'd have her. And their son.
There had been such tension between them, Jack couldn't seem to bring up the subject. He figured she was as embarrassed by her behavior, as he was his. What happened to just *telling* her he cared about her and how she'd helped him with his recovery from the darkest period of his life? Why did he have to pounce on her, expecting sex to say what he couldn't?
Well, he wasn't entirely blameless on that score. She, too, seemed more than eager to let actions speak louder than words. At least she'd made the effort to talk to him about it afterwards. He chose to run from any confirmation there was more to their encounter than eleventh-hour lust.
Jack got up and paced the confines of the small room. He didn't know why he was so agitated. It wasn't like he hadn't gone over that mission in his mind a hundred times since it'd happened. But now he knew *why* she left. Why she gave up trying to get him to talk about what happened. He'd been blaming her all these years when he'd been just as much at fault. If he'd just had the nerve to hear her out, none of this would have happened. Well, Jon would've most likely still gotten sick, but he'd have been there to see him grow up. Watch him take his first steps. Say his first words. No amount of "catching up" was going to replace those lost moments, and he had no one to blame but himself.
Lying back down on the bed, Jack closed his eyes, silently praying to whomever would listen he'd be a compatible donor. At least that way there was something he could do for his son, and hopefully make some amends to his mother.
***
Sam and Jeff were waiting in Dr. Bellanca's office when Jack walked in. Looking up, Sam smiled tentatively at him, unsure what his reaction to her was going to be this morning. It seemed as though he'd gotten over his initial anger towards her, but that didn't mean they were going to slip back into any old patterns, as if nothing had happened. There were too many years and too many concealed truths for that.
Jack smiled back at her, and nodded to Jeff. "Sorry I'm late. I kinda got lost."
"Inside or outside?" Sam asked.
"Both. I missed the exit, then that parking lot! Things didn't improve once I was inside, either."
Sam nodded in agreement. "Yeah, it's quite the maze. You're not late, though. Dr. Bellanca hasn't shown up yet."
"Wasn't he supposed to be here at 0800?" Jack asked, looking at his watch.
A small smile played on Sam's lips. There was still too much of the military in him. Even after all this time, he couldn't say 'eight o'clock' like a civilian.
"I think there's a course in med school about creative stalling. If so, Dr. Bellanca excelled at it." Sam's gaze connected with Jack's and she saw him smiling at her little joke. Maybe she was wrong about the ease of slipping into old patterns. She felt the same jolt she'd always experienced when they were on the same wavelength. Turning to look at Jeff, she saw he hadn't missed their small exchange either. He wasn't exactly glaring at her, but she could see it wasn't sitting well with him.
There were only two chairs in the small office, which Sam and Jeff occupied, so Jack leaned against the bookcase, suddenly finding his key chain fascinating. The tension in the room was thick, but Sam didn't know how to expel it. Talking to Jeff emphasized that Jack was the outsider in the group. If she talked to Jack, then Jeff felt ostracized. Thankfully, the doctor entered moments later.
"Good morning!" he greeted brightly as he entered the room. "Oh, it seems we're one chair short," he commented as he pulled his desk chair around for Jack.
"I'm Dr. Anthony Bellanca," the said, transferring a manila folder to his left hand and extending his right towards Jack. "You must be Mr. O'Neill?"
"Yes," Jack acknowledged, firmly shaking the man's hand.
"Please, have a seat," he gestured to his chair.
Sam noticed the doctor's jovial air and hoped it was a good sign. He hadn't seemed this positive the last time they'd met. She just wished he'd get on with it!
With a wide grin, Dr. Bellanca told them, "congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Greenfield. You've got a match."
Sam's sigh of relief was audible as she allowed Jeff to embrace her. Tears were starting to gather in her eyes, and she had to close them to get a grip on her emotions so she could pay attention to the rest of what the doctor was telling them.
Turning to Jack, Dr. Bellanca said, "are you aware of what the donation procedure entails?"
"Sam told me some of it," Jack said. "Something about being put under and taking bone marrow from my hip?"
"Those are the basics," Dr. Bellanca agreed.
"Well, you better be puttin' me out," Jack grumbled, ". . .or I don't know that I can do this."
"Jack has a thing about needles," Sam clarified.
Dr. Bellanca smiled. "Most people do. And yes, it will be a general anesthesia."
"What happens after you have the bone marrow?" Jeff asked.
"It's administered to Jon via I.V. where it moves itself into his bones. Quite miraculous, actually. Bodies seem to *want* to heal themselves and have some pretty amazing capabilities."
"Is it done here?" Sam asked.
"Yes, we have a section of the hospital that specializes in the transplants and the recovery of the patients. Infection is a particular risk, so it's best to keep the patients isolated. You'll be allowed to visit, providing you have no infections such as colds, etc., but I'm afraid your daughter won't be allowed to visit."
"That's going to kill Kelsey," Jeff said, looking at Sam.
"They're very close," Sam told the doctor.
"I understand, but it's really important that he be exposed to as little infectious agents as possible. She can call him," Dr. Bellanca suggested.
"How long is he going to be in this special unit?" Jack asked.
The doctor sighed. "About four to six weeks. And that's if there's no complications."
"Six weeks!" Jack cried.
"What about after? He can come home then, right?" Sam asked, casting a glance at Jack for his outburst.
"Yes, but there will still be a period of convalescence. It could be up to six months before he feels like himself again. And then there might be some restrictions on his physical activity. I can't predict that at this point, though."
"What about school?" Jeff asked.
"I would say not for at least three months, but again, it's an assessment we'll have to make later."
"I can keep him up to date at home," Sam said, looking over at Jeff. "He's ahead of everybody else in his class anyway."
"But what about you, Sam? We both can't take that much time off work. This is my busiest season."
"I've already talked to Mr. Petersen about taking a leave of absence. They don't want to lose me. He'll grant this. We can talk about this more later."
Sam felt Jack and Dr. Bellanca's gaze on them; this wasn't the time or the place to discuss who would or who wouldn't be taking time off work.
"I can help out too, ya know," Jack said, causing Sam and Jeff to stare at him.
"What, ya think I let them suck some bone marrow out of me and I'm outta here? He's my kid too and I'm not going to just abandon him now." Jack was looking at Sam, as if challenging her to deny him his rights. Actually, she was grateful he was willing to stick around. Maybe it meant they could work out some of their differences.
Looking over at Jeff, Sam wondered if Jack's continued presence was a good idea. It was clear he saw him as a threat to his relationship with his son.
Dr. Bellanca cleared his throat. "Well, these are matters that can be settled later. Now we have to set up a time for the aspiration and administration." He looked over a surgical schedule on his computer, pointing out that it could be done early the next morning. Everyone agreed the sooner the better, and the doctor typed in his request for 7:00 a.m.
"Mr. O'Neill, here's a list of instructions for you," he said, handing Jack a detailed sheet. "The most important thing is no food or water after midnight."
"Gotcha."
"Mr. and Mrs. Greenfield? The nursing staff will prepare Jon, although there's not as much involved with him. We'll be moving him to the BMT wing later today, so if you want your daughter to have some time with him, I would suggest you do it this morning. Any other questions? Dr. Wendel will be performing the aspiration. She's one of the best," Dr. Bellanca assured them.
"I can't think of anything else right now, can you?" Jeff asked.
"Will you continue to be Jon's doctor?" Sam asked.
"I'll be consulting with Dr. Wendel, but while he's in the Bone Marrow Unit, she'll be his primary physician."
"It was nice to meet you," Dr. Bellanca said, shaking Jack's hand once more. "Mr. and Mrs. Greenfield, I'm sure I'll see you again. Good luck tomorrow."
With that he was out the door, leaving Jack, Sam and Jeff staring at each other.
"Well, that was fast." Jack commented. "And I thought *my* briefings were quick and to the point."
Sam looked over at Jack. "I still can't see you as a General. Uh, Daniel told me," she stated, feeling herself blush.
"I was a damn good one," he said, trying not to smile. "I just couldn't stand being a desk jockey."
Sam didn't realize she was staring at Jack until Jeff touched her arm. "We should go see Jon."
"You're right," Sam said. They exited the doctor's office, leaving Jack standing in the middle of the room. Turning to face him, an impish grin spread across her face.
"Coming, sir?"
She was rewarded with his one of Jack's grins. God, she never realized how much she missed his little smiles and sarcasm. Even this small exchange made her feel almost light-headed.
***
Jeff had left to pick up Kelsey at his mother's, as Sam prepared to tell Jon what was going to take place tomorrow. Jack joined her for a moment, to say hello to Jon, but left soon after, allowing her time alone with her son.
"Honey, you know how Dr. Bellanca's been looking for a bone marrow donor for you? Well, he found one."
"Really?" he asked, trying to sit up further, but he was having difficulty in his weakened state. Sam helped him up, then continued to explain.
"Yes. Jack's going to donate some of his bone marrow for you tomorrow. That's why I asked him to come here. To see if he might be a match for you."
"I thought that might be why he was here. You never really talk about him."
Sam looked away for a moment. "I know, Honey. Jack. . .Jack and I had a fight before I left and we haven't talked much since then." It wasn't the complete truth, but close enough for his young mind to comprehend.
"But you seem like everything is okay now."
"It's better. There are some things you wouldn't understand, but I think seeing you has helped him be my friend once more," she smiled at him.
Jon was quiet for a bit, as if he were contemplating how to ask her a question. She could tell by his furrowed brow he wanted to ask, but didn't know how or if he should.
"Jon? What is it? You know you can ask me anything."
"Mom," he hesitated, "how come Jack looks so much like me? Or I look so much like him?"
Sam was caught completely off guard. She knew her son was observant, but she didn't think he'd spot the physical similarities between himself and Jack. At least not so quickly.
Sam stood, crossing to Jon's bed, taking his hand. She wasn't about to lie to him. Not on top of everything else. But how did she tell him the man he'd known as his father all these years wasn't the man who gave him life?
"Jon, I don't know if you're going to understand this," Sam started, smoothing her fingers over her son's. "Do you know what the term 'biological father' means? I know it's kind of a big term."
"I know," Jon said. "There's a kid in my class, Steve, who just got a new step-dad. He says his real dad is his biological father. It's kind of like how the neighbor's dog was the father of Misty's pups but Bear helped raise them."
Sam smiled at her son's explanation. She hadn't thought of using their pet black Labradors and the mixed breed puppies as an example, but it was quite an accurate analogy.
"That's right," Sam said. Taking a deep breath, she plunged forward. "Well, you know I was working with Jack before I met your dad."
"Yeah, you were in the Air Force together."
Sam nodded, hoping Jon would come to the obvious conclusion on his own, but apparently he wasn't making the connection. "Jon, Jack is your biological father. That's why you look so much like him. And why he's a match for you as a donor."
"Jack's my real father?" he asked, eyes wide as he absorbed the information.
"I don't like the term 'real father,'" Sam said. "Your dad is your father in every way that matters. He's the one who raised you, loves you and has cared about you for all these years."
Jon thought for a moment. "But what about Jack? How come he never came to see me before this?"
Sam hesitated. "He didn't know about you. I never told him about you."
"How come?"
The question was so simple. If only the answer was just as simple.
"Jack was my Commanding Officer, and because of that we weren't supposed to be. . . ." Sam let her voice trail off as she tried to put it in a context a ten year-old would grasp. "We weren't supposed to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Jack and I were always friends, but we liked each other as more than friends too. Kind of like how you like Casey."
"Mom!" Jon cried, his face turning red. "I don't like her like that!" Sam just smiled, knowing her son wasn't ready to discuss his first crush.
"Well, anyway," she continued, trying to take some of the pressure off Jon, "when I found out I was going to have you, I left the Air Force, so I didn't get Jack in trouble." Sam knew she was leaving out a great deal of information, but she didn't think she needed to tell him *everything.*
"Jack was mad that I left and didn't want to talk to me, so I never had the chance to tell him about you. Then, when I moved here, I met your dad, and we decided to get married. He knew I was going to have you, and he said he wanted to be your dad, so I thought it was just for the best that Jack didn't know about you. Can you understand why I didn't tell him?"
Jon was clearly analyzing the information he'd just received. "I guess so. Does he know now that I'm his son? Is that why he said he'd give me the bone marrow?"
"Honey, Jack's a generous man. If he'd been a match for you, he would have given you the marrow whether you were his son or not."
"So, he doesn't think of me as his son."
"I didn't say that. I just meant because he's your. . .father isn't the only reason he's doing this."
Jon was silent for a few minutes, then looked up at Sam. "Is he still here? Can I talk to him again?"
"Yeah, he's just outside. I'll go get him."
"Mom? Can I talk to him alone?"
Sam was taken aback. She was a little apprehensive at first, but then she realized Jack wouldn't take out his frustration with her on Jon. Even in the short time he'd known Jon, Sam could see Jack cared about him. Sam nodded then said,
"I'll go get him."
***
Jack glanced up as Sam exited Jon's room, tossing an out-dated magazine onto the table in front of him.
"That was quick. Everything okay?"
"He wants to talk to you. Alone."
"Oooookay. Why?"
"I told him you were his father."
Jack did a double-take. "Isn't that kind of a big thing to spring on a kid at a time like this?"
"He asked me. He wanted to know why you look so much alike."
Jack raked a hand through his short hair. "Boy, he doesn't miss much, does he?"
"He's our son," she shrugged. Sam froze, staring into Jack's eyes. That was the first time he'd heard her refer to Jon as "their" son. It had always been *her* son, as if he didn't have a right to him. Sam must have realized the same thing as she became flustered.
"He's waiting for you."
Jack didn't know what to say to her, so he simply nodded, and entered the room. He didn't realize how nervous he was until he saw Jon turn and look at him. What was he going to say to him?
"Hey, Kiddo."
"Hi, Jack."
"Your mom said you wanted to talk to me?"
"Yeah." There was a bit of silence, then Jon added, "she told me you were my biological father."
Jack's eyebrows raised. "And you understood what that meant?"
"Yeah. Why not?"
"Oh, no reason. Just that it's obvious you got your mom's brains."
Jon smiled. "Thanks. Mom's really smart. Most of the time."
"What do you mean by that?" Jack asked, pulling a chair closer to the bed and taking a seat.
"It's just that sometimes she thinks by not telling me something she's going to keep me from getting hurt, or something."
"Yeah, she used to do that to me, too."
They sat there for a moment, neither sure what to say. Finally Jon spoke. "You must have liked my mom a lot."
"I still like your mom a lot."
"But you're not friends with her right now."
"Jon, it's not that simple. I'm mad she didn't tell me about you. You can understand that, can't you?"
"I guess. But she told you now, so you guys can be friends again, right?"
Jack shook his head. If only it *were* that simple. But he couldn't just will away the resentment he felt, even if he was starting to empathize with Sam's situation.
"You must have loved my mom to make a baby with her," Jon said. Jack's head snapped up. Where the hell did this kid come up with stuff like this? And how did he explain to an idealistic boy something even he didn't understand?
Jack cleared his throat, "Well, yeah, I guess I did, but it wasn't that simple. She tell you what happened?"
"No, she didn't talk much about that."
Jack released his breath. *One thing to be thankful for,* he thought to himself.
"Jack, if you had known about me, would you have come to see me?"
"Hell, yes! I mean, sure, of course I would have!" Jack cried. "I wouldn't have tried to take your dad's place, but I would have liked to have been part of your life. I'd still like to be."
"I'd like that, too" Jon said.
"Ya know, I think your mom *did* want to tell me about you. Actually, she did in a round about way."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, she named you after me."
"But your name is 'Jack,'" he said, giving him with a confused look that echoed Charlie so much, Jack felt his throat catch.
"My full name is 'Jonathan.' Jack's just a nickname."
"Really? That's kind of weird."
"Yeah, but kinda nice, though, too. Don'tcha think?"
Jon thought about it for a minute then said. "Yeah, it is kind of nice. It's like we've got a part of each other."
"Well," Jack said, standing and patting him on the arm. "After tomorrow, you'll have another part of me. You've got a big day tomorrow and I know your mom wants to talk to you again, so I'm gonna go, okay? See ya tomorrow."
Jack exited Jon's room to see Sam, Jeff and Kelsey in the waiting room.
"Everything go okay?" Sam asked, standing when she saw him.
"Everything was fine. You've done a great job with him. Both of you," he said, giving Jeff a half smile. "I really should get going. I've got a few things to take care of before tomorrow.
"'Bye, Jack," Sam said. "We'll see you tomorrow morning. Thanks again. For everything."
"Don't be thanking me yet. After you've sucked the stuff out of my bones, then you can thank me."
***
Jack returned to his motel room, carrying several bags. God, he hated shopping! But there was a little matter of not having more than one change of clothes with him. When he'd left Colorado Springs, he had no idea he wouldn't be returning for several weeks. At the earliest.
Tossing the bags on the bed, he called home to cancel his daily paper and then the post office to request they hold his mail. Next he called Daniel. He told himself it was to keep his old friend informed, but he knew the real reason. He needed someone to talk to. Someone who knew both himself and Sam.
It took about four rings, but Daniel managed to answer before his machine picked it up.
"Hello?" Came the breathless reply.
"Hey, Danny."
"Jack?"
"Yeah, it's me. Thought you might like a little update on what's goin' on around here."
"Yeah! Janet and I, well, we've been going nuts wondering how things were going! She tried to call Sam, but she keeps getting the machine."
"I'm not surprised, they're practically living at the hospital now."
"They?"
"Sam, her husband, and her daughter Kelsey. Cute kid. Looks just like Sam," Jack said, quickly glossing over Jeff without mentioning him by name.
"And Jon? How's he doing?"
"Not so hot. Daniel, I know you and Janet have been to visit Sam. Were you ever going to tell me about my son?"
There was a distinct lack of response on the other end of the line. "Well, Jack, it really wasn't our place, and Sam asked us. . ."
"Asked you not to tell me, right?"
"Not in so many words," Daniel said. Even without seeing the other man, Jack knew he was nervously pushing his glasses up his nose with his index finger.
"What kind of words did she use?"
"Um, you see, we never actually discussed it. I mean it was obvious who Jon's father was by looking at him, I guess we just never felt the need to articulate it. Besides, Sam seemed a little embarrassed when we'd get close to the subject. You probably know more about the whole situation than we do. At least you were there. For part of it, anyway."
Jack cleared his throat, "Ah, yeah. But I've always been in the dark over the whole thing. At least you knew Jon existed, I didn't even know that!"
"I hope you're not being too hard on her, Jack. She did what she thought was best."
"Whose side are you on, anyway? I'd think as a father you could understand my position!"
"I'm not on anyone's side. And yes, being a father I can certainly understand how you must feel. But you have to think of this from her perspective, too. Think of all she gave up to have your son."
"I'm not following you."
"Jack, she gave up the best job on the face of this planet for you! You know how she felt about being at the SGC!"
"Don't yell at me! It's not like I told her not to let the door slam her in the ass on the way out!"
Daniel sighed, lowering his voice. "I'm just saying that if you'd been a little more understanding, a little more willing to talk about what happened, she might not have felt leaving was her only option."
Jack sat down on the bed, suddenly contrite. "You're right. I've been going over it all in my head, and I know I'm the one that pushed her away. But did she have to keep Jon a secret?"
"I guess she felt it was for the best. You know Sam. She doesn't do anything without thinking through all the angles."
"Ain't that the truth," Jack chuckled.
"How's she holding up?"
"Okay, I guess. She tell you what's wrong with Jon?"
"Yeah. I take it you're a compatible donor?"
"We do the transplant tomorrow. Sounds like it's a bigger deal on my end, than his. I'm glad. He's already been through a lot."
"What was it like? When you met him, I mean," Daniel asked.
"Scary, actually. God, he looks so much like Charlie! He really knocked me for a loop when I first saw him, ya know? I have to admit, I wasn't very nice to Sam about the whole thing."
"What do you mean?"
"Oh, I yelled at her about keeping him a secret from me, the whole nine yards. I'm still not happy about that, but I can see now I was a little rough on her."
"You could apologize. I'm sure she understands why you're angry. If it's any consolation, I think calling you after all this time was one of the hardest things she's ever had to do."
"Well, she knew I'd be pissed!" Jack said, resuming his pacing about the motel room.
"It wasn't just that you'd be mad at her," Daniel confided. "I think she was a little afraid you'd refuse to talk to her. And she's missed you."
"She tell you that?"
"Well, not me exactly, but she said something to that effect to Janet. She tried to get Sam to call you, but she didn't know how to after all the time that'd gone by. We got the impression she doesn't have much of a marriage."
"Really?" Jack asked, suddenly perking up.
"Not that she's ever said anything directly to us," Daniel told him, "but the last time we were out there, she just wasn't herself, you know? Some of the life had gone out of her. Oh, it's obvious she's crazy about the kids, and she and Jeff get along okay, it's that he's kind of just. . .'there,' you know what I mean? I think she had more in common with some of the people she worked with on the base than she does him."
"That's not what I saw," Jack said, trying not to let the news get his hopes up. "He seemed pretty attentive to me, and she seemed pretty willing to accept it."
"Well, it's only natural Jon's illness would have that affect. It's something they have in common. Probably the only thing. And the truly ironic part is Jon isn't his."
"Might be why he dotes on Kelsey so much," Jack observed.
"Could be, but then I think father's have a soft spot for their little girls. As much as I love Sean and Ian, Kendra's got me wrapped around her finger. Bad part is, she knows it." Jack could hear the proud smile in his voice, but he had a right to be proud. He and Janet had great kids.
"So, you're sayin' things aren't that great with them?" Jack questioned again.
"Look, Jack, I may be way off base here. It was two years ago that we were out there, and I think we've had one or two phone conversations since then. It's not the sort of thing you talk about casually. If they were having problems I don't know if she'd tell me anyway, and Janet hasn't mentioned anything specific. We've just commented we didn't think Sam seemed very happy. That's all."
Again Jack tried to quell the bubble of hope that kept rising, filling his chest. What was he getting excited for anyway? He was supposed to be mad at her, not thinking he had a shot at possibly recapturing what they once had. Whatever *that* was.
To be honest, he missed her friendship, her laughter at his stupid jokes, knowing he was going to see her at work everyday, even though it had been years. Okay, so the last month or so of her time at the SGC he'd tried to avoid her, but he was trying to avoid seeing her alone. Not all together. And if he was honest with himself, his third and final retirement wasn't so much that he couldn't stand not going out on missions, as much as the SGC seemed to be haunted by Sam's spirit. Everywhere he looked, he seemed to find remnants of her. The sound of her laughter, her explaining a theory, joking with Daniel and Teal'c. There wasn't a place on the base that didn't hold some resonance of her.
At first the promotion to General was enough to hold his interest in the program, but once it became routine, memories of Sam crept back in, taunting him with her absence. If she was still at the SGC, he'd probably *still* be in command there, with no thoughts of retirement. Desk job or no desk job, it would be worth it just to be near her.
"Jack? You there?" Daniel asked.
"Yeah, I'm still here. Sorry, Buddy. Just thinkin'."
"About. . . .?"
"Oh, nothin'. Just about 'what ifs,' I suppose."
"Jack you aren't thinking. . . . Look, just because Janet and I thought she didn't seem happy, doesn't mean it has to do with Jeff. Maybe it's her job, maybe her dad, it could have been anything!"
"I'm not going to try to bust them up, if that's what you're thinkin'," Jack said. "I'm just thinking maybe I'm not so mad at her anymore. I've missed her, too, Danny."
"Well, those are words I never thought I'd hear you say," Daniel said.
"Older and wiser?"
"Maybe just older," Daniel teased. His next words were serious. "Jack? Just don't get all wound up with the emotions of seeing her again and do something stupid, okay? I mean all this life and death stuff has a way of pushing common sense aside. Try to keep some perspective, all right?"
"Advice from the man who becomes speechless at the sight of ancient rocks," Jack teased back.
"Cute, Jack. I think I should let my students have a crack at you. They'd make short work of that attitude."
"A room full of geeks and an old man? I'd still kick their asses."
Daniel laughed but didn't comment.
A slightly uncomfortable silence fell over both of them. "Well, I should get goin' here. Ya know, Sam's not the only one I miss from the old days. We'll have to get together when this is all over."
Daniel's voice sounded thicker than a moment ago. "Sure, Jack. Wish them all good luck from all of us."
"Will do." Jack hung up the phone, staring at it for a few minutes. When had he become so sentimental? *Must be another one of those age things they warn you about,* he thought to himself, shaking his head.
***
Sam arrived at the hospital early, surprised to find Jack in the waiting area. "Jack? You're here already? I thought *I* was early."
"Well, I couldn't sleep, and I didn't want to be late. How 'bout you? You sleep at all?"
Sam sighed and took a seat next to him. "A little, I guess. They *made* me go home."
"Looks like it did you some good. You still look tired, but better than yesterday."
"I'll be doing much better once the transplant has taken place and Jon starts to show some improvement." Sam looked over at Jack who was staring at his hands, nodding his head in silent agreement. Reaching over to place her hand on top of his, she said,
"I can't thank you enough for all you're doing. How great you've been about all this."
Jack slowly turned his hand over, weaving his fingers with hers. "That was never in question. Of course I'm going to help him, even if he wasn't mine."
Sam looked down at their grasped hands, surprised he'd initiated further contact. Was he starting to forgive her? The way he could claim Jon as his son without the bitterness he had directed at her yesterday, suggested something had happened. Even if it shattered the fragile rapport they were experiencing, she had to ask.
"Jack? Did something happen? Yesterday you were still ready to write me off, and today you seem to be, well, more understanding."
Jack continued to stare at their entwined hands. "I called Danny. He kinda played Devil's advocate for you, pointing out how I wasn't the only one who'd lost something when you left."
"I don't understand."
"Gotta be the first time," he joked, then he was serious. "He just reminded me how much you gave up leaving the SGC. How maybe you wouldn't have left if I'd given you another option. Thinking about what he said is probably why I didn't sleep so good last night," he confessed.
Sam was taken aback. He was starting to understand the actions she'd taken? Jack didn't apologize. She'd known him to once or twice, but it took a lot for him to do it. For Jack to even give her a sideways apology spoke volumes.
"I still have a problem with you not telling me about him, though," he said, looking up to meet her gaze.
Sam nodded. "It was a mistake, and I'm *so* sorry, Jack. If I could do things over, I'd never have kept him from you." Jack squeezed her fingers, silently telling her he accepted her apology as well.
Just then Jeff walked up, causing Sam to quickly release Jack's hand, hoping she didn't have a guilty look on her face. Nothing was going on, but Jeff wouldn't interpret it that way. It wouldn't do to have the two men get into a fight before Jack had to undergo his procedure.
"Morning, Jack," Jeff said, casting a glance in Sam's direction. "Kelsey's at Mom's. I had to explain to her again why she couldn't see Jon. This is going to be rough on her too. We'll have to be sure we make some time for her as well."
"You're right. Once Jon is settled after the transplant, there won't be much more we can do. We'll do something with her."
"She could really use some time with you," Jeff said. "Mom keeps commenting on how you seem to have forgotten you have *two* children."
Sam clenched her teeth. Ellen always had a way of pointing out she thought Sam favored Jon. It wasn't true, but then Ellen had never accepted that her son had married a pregnant woman. In fact, if anyone played favorites, it was Ellen. Practically ignoring Jon all his life, then lavishing attention on Kelsey. Jon hadn't been ignorant of his grandmother's attentions. He'd even asked her why Grandma liked Kelsey better when he'd tried to be good at her house. She'd attempted to explain to Jon it wasn't him, that Ellen's attitude was directed towards herself and not him, but he wasn't convinced. It wasn't an easy concept for a child to understand.
Sam was shaken from her musing by a nurse approaching them.
"Mr. O'Neill?" She asked, looking between the two men.
"That would be me," Jack said, raising his hand.
"It's time to get you prepped. If you'll follow me?" Jack stood, starting to follow the nurse down the hallway. He turned, looked at Jeff for a second, then smiled at Sam, causing her to smile back at him. Jack had disappeared into a room when Jeff turned on her.
"Well, *that* was a cozy little scene! What was the smile for?"
Sam leaned back in her chair, rubbing a hand over her forehead. "Please, Jeff, do we have to get into this now?"
"When do you think we should get into it? Yesterday he was at your throat and today he's giving you secret little smiles? Seems like kind of a radical change, don't you think?"
"Jeff, he's had a chance to calm down. To think about things. He said he talked to Daniel and maybe he helped shed some light on why I never told him about Jon. That's all!"
"Oh, great! Daniel! He's never approved of me, Sam. Never thought I was good enough for you. He's probably telling his old boss he should make a play for you again."
"Stop it!" Sam shouted. "Jeff, I *really* don't need this right now! There's *nothing* going on between Jack and I! He's here to give *our* son--yours and mine-- a chance at life. Can't you set your jealousy aside long enough to be grateful for that?"
Jeff walked away, running a hand through his hair. Sam could tell by the slump of his shoulders her words had hit home. Coming back to sit beside her, he apologized.
"I'm sorry, Sam. You're right. It's just really hard not to feel threatened when your old boyfriend shows up to be our son's savior."
"He's not my 'old boyfriend.' You know what happened with Jack and I. I'm surprised you could even call him that. At best he could be considered an old friend."
Jeff let the subject drop, but Sam could see it wasn't closed. This wasn't the last of the fights they were sure to have about Jack. Sam noticed the nurse heading in their direction once more. Standing, she waited to see if there was a problem.
"Mrs. Greenfield? Mr. O'Neill asked to see you before he was taken to surgery."
"Is there something wrong?" Sam asked.
"No, I'm not sure what it's about."
Sam cast a glance at Jeff. "I'll be right back." She saw he wasn't happy about this latest request of Jack's, but there was little he could do.
Entering his room, Sam saw Jack stretched out on a gurney. He was hooked up to an I.V., looking drowsy.
"Hey," she said. "This brings back memories," she smiled. "You stretched out on a gurney."
"Yeah, except the decor is better here," he smiled back at her. "And the nurses are too nice. I miss Janet."
Sam's smile widened. It had been a running joke with all of them that Janet loved using SG-1 as her own personal research project. And none too gently when she did.
"Yeah, I miss her too, but not for the same reasons. Was there something you wanted, Jack? I think they need to take you to surgery."
"Well," he hesitated, fidgeting under the lightweight blanket draped over him, "I was hoping I could get a kiss, ya know, for good luck."
Sam's face suffused with color. He was just a friend, right? Isn't that what she'd just told Jeff? If Daniel had made the request, she wouldn't have thought twice. But this wasn't Daniel, or Teal'c, or 'just one of the guys.' This was Jack. A man who continued to make her unsure of her feelings.
Sam leaned down, lightly brushing her lips against his. She started to pull back when she felt Jack's hand threading through her hair, pulling her back to him. He kissed her again, not deeply passionate, but definitely longer than a "send off" kiss.
Sam was embarrassed by her reaction to the kiss. Quickly pulling out of his reach she smiled briefly.
"Good luck, Jack."
He gave her a cocky grin, lightly touching her cheek. "See ya in a few hours."
Sam nodded, not quite trusting her voice. Watching the orderlies wheel Jack out of the room, she didn't see the man standing in the doorway.
***
Sitting in the small cafeteria, toying with a cup of long-cold coffee, Sam ran her hands through her hair. It'd been two hours since the operation had started, and she still couldn't stop her mind from going over the events prior to Jack being taken into surgery.
What the hell was up with him? What on Earth had prompted him to kiss her? Granted it wasn't erotic, but it'd certainly had that effect on her. Was she that depraved one little kiss could send such a shock through her? Okay, so she and Jeff hadn't had sex recently, even before Jon got sick, but it wasn't *that* long ago! At least not to warrant the reaction she'd had to Jack! Unwillingly, thoughts of the night she'd spent with him years ago came to mind. How she didn't even care they were sure to die in the morning because Jack was with her.
God, she really thought she was over him! At least she'd convinced herself she was over him because there was no chance at a reconciliation. Yesterday he was yelling at her for lying to him and today he's kissing her? Daniel must be more persuasive than she thought!
Could it be he missed her as well? That he didn't know how to bridge the chasm that had developed between them any more than she did? Was this his attempt to rectify that? There were so many questions swimming around in her head, Sam didn't hear Jeff approach. She jumped when he touched her arm, trying to get her attention.
"Geeze! You scared the living daylights out of me!" she cried, placing her hand over her racing heart.
"They're done with Jack, I just thought you'd like to know."
Sam stood. "So what's next?"
"I spoke to Dr. Wendel for a moment and she said after the marrow is filtered, they're going to be administering it to Jon. They want him to rest, so after we say 'hello,' they've requested he doesn't have any visitors until tomorrow morning."
"I guess that'll give us some time to catch up on a few things, huh?" Sam said.
"Yeah, like maybe some sleep for all of us," Jeff smiled weakly. Sam could tell there was something wrong. Normally he wouldn't be this complacent. She expected him to feel as elated as she did that things were progressing without any complications.
"Jeff, what's wrong? You're so quiet. Is there something you're not telling me?"
He turned his gaze on her, his eyes now steely. "You're the one who doesn't seem to want to tell *me* what's going on."
"What are you talking about?"
Jeff turned to walk away, but Sam stopped him. "What did you mean by that?"
Turning to face her, Sam could see the repressed rage in his features. "You keep telling me nothing is going on with you and O'Neill, and yet, every time I see you together he's either got his arm around you, holding your hand, or kissing you! What the hell am I supposed to think?"
"You *saw* that?"
"Yeah, I saw that! I was coming to thank him again for what he was doing, instead I find the two of you making out! In a hospital room!"
"Jeff, he asked me for a good luck kiss! That's all it was!"
"Well, with as long as it went on, he should have enough luck for years!"
"How can you honestly say there's something going on between us? You saw how he was with me yesterday!"
"Yeah, and I saw how he was today! He must have had one hell of a revelation after talking with Daniel! It couldn't be that your good friends told him how you've never gotten over him, could it?"
"Jeff," she said, trying to calm him down, "I'm over Jack. It ended when I left the Air Force."
"You can tell yourself that, try to convince yourself, Sam, but I've got eyes. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see what's going on with the two of you."
"There's nothing going on! I'm just as surprised as you are at his change of heart! Can we please just go see Jon, now?"
"Okay, Sam. We can drop it, but this isn't over. And as soon as he's able, I want him out of here. Back to Colorado where he belongs."
Sam looked up at Jeff. Hadn't he heard Jack say he was going to stick around? At least until Jon was out of the hospital? Suddenly, a feeling of loss swept through her. What if Jack did leave now? How difficult would it be for her to see Jack on holidays and birthdays? Now that he knew about Jon, what was there to keep him fighting for custody? She'd never stopped to think he'd want his time with their son as well. How could she bear it if Jon ended up in Colorado Springs a portion of the year?
There were so many questions that were irrelevant at the moment, Sam had to mentally push them aside. Jon was what mattered. Not any questionable feelings she had for Jack. Not any petty arguments with Jeff. Her son was whom she needed to concentrate on.
***
Jon was groggy when they were finally admitted to his room. If it was possible, he was hooked up to even more monitors than before. Sam looked at Jeff, hoping their previous argument didn't show in their behavior towards their son. The last thing Jon needed was to sense the growing tension between them. She was sure he'd picked up on some of it before he ended up in the hospital. Jon even made some off-handed comment about how come she and Jeff didn't smile anymore. It was then Sam realized things had really started going down hill for them. Even though Jon was a sensitive boy, he was still a child, and if he could sense the uneasiness between them, it must be more obvious than she'd thought.
It really wasn't Jeff's fault, she thought. He'd tried. He'd romanced her as no woman in her tenth year of marriage was courted, which only made her feel all the more uncomfortable. How did you tell a man who still seemed to love you as much as the day you married, that things just weren't the same?
Jack's arrival hadn't improved the situation. Even as Jon's illness had served to bring herself and Jeff closer due to a common goal, that same goal was tearing them apart, and Sam was caught in the middle. Jack's presence was a constant reminder to both of them that Jon wasn't Jeff's son. Her husband felt threatened and she remembered what it was like to love a man so much she was willing to give up everything for him. The kind of love she'd never felt for Jeff.
Jon opened his eyes. "Mom, Dad. Hi."
"Hi yourself, Kiddo, " Sam said, stroking the hair from his brow. It was a familiar gesture, and she could see the action comforted him. "How are you feeling?"
"Kinda tired yet."
"The doctor gave you something to make you sleepy so you can rest. We can't stay long; Dr. Wendel told us we could just say 'hi' because you need to sleep, okay?"
"Okay."
Jeff took his place on the other side of the bed, ruffling the hair Sam had just smoothed back. "You're doing good, there Slugger. You've made your mom and I very proud."
"Thanks, Dad. Where's Jack?"
Sam looked up at Jeff, noticing the slight tightness in his jaw. "He's across the hall, honey. He's still sleeping from the anesthesia."
"When he wakes up, tell him 'thanks,' okay?"
"You bet we will," Jeff answered before Sam had the chance.
"We should probably get going," Sam said. "Can we bring you anything?"
"Yeah, I want some ice cream," he smiled. It had been his request every day since he'd been in the hospital, but until they knew what was wrong with him, the doctors wouldn't allow any outside food.
"I'll see what I can do," Sam smiled. "Oh, Kelsey said you better hurry up and get well because she's not going to take care of your garden forever."
Jon smiled weakly. "Tell her she's too little to take care of it anyway." It was a running joke with her children, Jon teasing her she was too little to do something and his stubborn sister declaring she could do anything he could do.
"We'll tell her," Jeff said. "See you tomorrow, Jon"
"Bye, Dad. Bye Mom."
Sam squeezed his hand, wishing she could give her son a kiss good-bye, but it was one of the things the doctors asked them not do because of the possibility of spreading a disease.
Upon leaving, Sam spotted a nurse, whom she asked about Jack. According to her, they were keeping Jack overnight to make sure there were no complications from the anesthesia or the aspiration, and he could have visitors in the morning. Sam nodded, then smiled at Jeff.
"Well, looks like we'll have the rest of the day with Kelsey. Maybe we can make up for lost time."
***
The following morning found Sam in the waiting area of the hospital once more. She'd finally convinced Jeff to go back to work, at least part time, since there wasn't much for them to do but wait now, anyway. To be honest, she was relieved to have some of the pressure of Jeff's jealousy off her shoulders. It wasn't like she *had* spent any time with Jack. But the possibility existed, and that seemed to be enough to make Jeff wary.
He hadn't wanted to return to work, for that very reason, but Sam convinced him it was for the best. Both of them couldn't take time off work indefinitely and still keep up with their financial obligations. Even one of them being gone was putting a strain on their money situation. But Jeff had his business to think of. If he started to let it slide, there was every chance he wouldn't be able to rebuild it up to it's current level.
So, surprisingly, without a fight, they agreed he should go back to work. Sam had made arrangements with Ellen to help out with watching Kelsey, knowing the woman lived to care for the little girl. She also knew Kelsey was her "spy" into the goings on in their household. On more than one occasion Kelsey asked why Grandma always wanted to know if mommy and daddy had fights. It was a trade off. Sam knew Kelsey was well cared for, but the cost was her privacy.
Sam checked her watch again. It was already eight a.m. and neither Jon nor Jack were awake. She could have used the extra sleep herself, she sighed. As she waited for the nursing staff to allow her access to either room, she paged through the book she brought. It was Jon's baby book. At first she wondered at the wisdom of bringing the book to show Jack. Her thoughts were to give him a glimpse into his son's past, as an attempt at compensation for the missing years. But what if it had the opposite effect? Underscoring the fact he hadn't been there for Jon's milestones?
As she turned the pages, Sam smiled at the happy baby in the pictures, and how she too was beaming. She felt like she hadn't smiled like that in ages. It probably *had* been ages. She came across a picture of Jon, Jeff and herself and wondered if she should remove it. It wasn't like she could deny the fact that Jeff had raised Jon. Jack would have to accept the fact Jeff was essentially Jon's father, and as painful as such pictures might be, she couldn't hide them.
"Mrs. O'Neill?" a nurse asked, breaking Sam's train of thought.
"Uh, no, I'm Mrs. Greenfield. I'm a friend of Jack O'Neill's."
"I'm sorry, I just assumed. . . ."
"It's okay. It used to happen all the time," she smiled. And it did. How many missions had they gone on where the natives assumed she and Jack were "joined?"
"Well, he's awake now. You can see him if you like."
"What about my son? He's across the hall?"
"I'll check and let you know."
Sam nodded her thanks, as she pushed the heavy door into Jack's room. He was lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling, hands across his stomach. He didn't look up to see her, but must have known it was her when he said,
"I liked the ceiling in the infirmary much better. It was gray, but it had all those nifty conduits and thingies to look at." Jack turned slightly and smiled at her. "Morning."
"Hi." she grinned. "How are you feeling?"
"Groggy, sore, bored, sick of being in this bed. Did I mention bored?"
"Jack, you just woke up, how can you be bored already?"
"Easy. I've been in a hospital bed too many times. I know the routine. I thought I'd get a jump on the boredom part."
Sam smiled again. He hadn't changed, and for that, she was grateful.
"Whatcha got there?" he asked, nodding towards the book in Sam's hands.
"Um, well, I got to thinking about how you said you'd missed so much of Jon's life, and I knew I could never give you those years back, but I thought I could share something of them with you. It's Jon's baby book."
Jack looked at her with wide eyes. "Really? Would you show them to me?"
Sam knew he was perfectly capable of looking at the pictures himself. What he was asking for was her to explain them, share the moments behind the pictures.
"Sure," she said, pulling a chair closer to the bed. Jack pushed a button on the side of the bed, raising him into more of a sitting position as Sam opened the book.
"This was at the hospital," Sam said, pointing out a photo with her holding a squalling, red, wrinkled, newborn.
"God! He was so tiny!" Jack exclaimed, pulling the book towards himself for a closer look.
"He sure didn't feel like it! I was in labor for 36 hours!"
"What can I say? O'Neill men are stubborn."
"Really? I hadn't noticed that about you," she teased.
"This one is about two weeks later. At least he was starting to look like a baby by then and not an alien."
Jack looked at the picture, comparing it to the one in the hospital. "Yeah, if I didn't know better, I would have said Thor was this guy's father."
Sam stifled a laugh. "I never noticed that, but you're right."
They continued to peruse the pictures, Jack making smart comments, Sam rebuking them.
"Sam?" Jack asked. "Would you mind sitting up on the bed? This angle is
killing my hip." She hadn't noticed what an odd position he held himself in to see the pictures, and without thinking, she slid onto the edge of the bed he vacated for her. She continued her explanation of a picture from Jon's first birthday, unaware Jack's head had dropped down onto her shoulder to get a closer look. It wasn't until she turned to him to say something, she noticed the position they were in.
"Comfy?" She asked, trying to joke her way through the fact her heart was racing.
"Just peachy," Jack said, purposely snuggling down further along her side.
Sam cleared her throat. "Um, this is one of Jon with Sean, when he was first born. The two of them hit it off from day one, even though they were both essentially babies when they met," she commented. Sam could feel Jack's breath stirring the hair by her ear as he breathed, sending shivers down her spine.
*Okay!* she thought. *Enough of him trying to see what kind of reaction he's going to get out of me! This is getting a little too weird!*
Sam practically jumped off the bed. "Jack, I think I'd better go see if Jon's awake. You can look at the rest of the pictures and ask me questions later."
"Okay," he said sounding a bit hurt and confused. It was eerie, but it was the same tone her son used, and Jon had never been exposed to Jack's moods. It was amazing how much genetics played in a person's development.
"I'll stop back later for the book," she said, then she was gone.
***
*Well, *that* was smooth, Jack,* he admonished himself. So maybe he was toying with her a bit, but they'd been joking around, and the whole head-on-the-shoulder thing started out being funny. Even when he moved closer, he was still kidding her. Wasn't he?
Jack shook his head. When was he going to admit to himself that he wasn't over her? That maybe what happened on P2R-665 was a mistake, but only in the sense that it was bad timing. That they hadn't come to a mutual decision to move their relationship onto a more personal level. Oh, the reaction was definitely mutual, but they'd given no thought to their actions. Chances were, under normal circumstances, they wouldn't had sex a few minutes after their first real kiss. They would have at least made some mention of where things were headed.
So, where did that leave him? Still attracted to Sam after all these years, that much was certain. Still wishing he'd had the chance to find out what it was like to love her, and be in love with her. There was only one problem. Jeff. And the small matter of their marriage. She was just as forbidden now as she'd been as his 2IC, maybe even more so. Regardless of how rocky her relationship with Jeff was, Sam was above all else, true to her word. And if her words were "'till death do us part," she intended to keep them.
So, where did that leave him? Pining away for her? Using Jon as a connection? A way to hold on to some portion of her? The one part Jeff truly couldn't have?
Jack rubbed his hands over his face. The whole situation was ridiculous. He was here because Jon needed him, not Sam. The sooner he resigned himself to that fact, the better off they'd all be.
***
Sam had a hard time concentrating on what Jon was saying as she thought about what just transpired in Jack's room. She was embarrassed by her reaction to him. He wasn't supposed to be having this kind of effect on her after all this time! And how come he was still single? Maybe if there was another woman in the picture she wouldn't be entertaining the idea he might care for her. Surely there'd been women in his life since she'd left, but she couldn't remember Daniel or Janet ever mentioning one. Whether it was to "protect" her, or if there'd never been anyone serious, Sam didn't know.
The worst of it was, even after their ten year separation, she still didn't know how he'd felt about her when she left the SGC. Was all the anger just because he lost his second-in-command and the program lost their resident "brain?" Or was there something more?
Sam was stirred from her thoughts by Jon asking, "Mom? I asked you if Dad was here."
"Sorry, Honey, guess I was on another planet." It was something she'd always joked about with her children. If only they knew the truth of the statement! There were so many times she wanted to tell Jon and Kelsey of the wonders she'd seen in her years at the SGC, but she had to be content with stories of her time during Dessert Storm. Jon in particular would have been fascinated by what Sam had seen in her varied career. If only she could give him just a glimpse of that life.
"No, your Dad's not here. He had to go back to work, but he's going to stop by tonight."
Jon nodded. "What about Jack? Is he still in the hospital?"
"Yeah, just across the hall, as a matter of fact."
"Do you think I could see him?" he asked.
"I'm sure when Jack's up and about he'll come to see you. I'm not sure how long the doctor's are going to want him to rest."
"Not long enough," came a reply from the door way. Jack was leaning against the door frame, wincing in pain.
"Jack! Should you be up?" Sam cried, moving to help support him.
"That's what I said! But that witch of a doctor said the faster I start movin' around, the better off I'd be. And I take back everything I said about these guys being too nice! They could give Janet a run for her money!"
Sam slid her arm around Jack's waist as his arm draped heavily across her shoulders. She helped him to the chair next to Jon's bed, slowly easing him into it. Jack grimaced with discomfort, but said nothing.
Once he had the pain under control, he smiled at Jon. "Hey, how's it goin', Sport?"
"I'm okay. You look like you hurt though."
"This? It's nothin'," Jack said waving his hand dismissively. "How do you feel today?"
"Not really any different."
"Honey, the doctors said it's going to take a while for you to build up some new red blood cells. That's why you have to stay in the hospital," Sam said.
"I know, Mom," Jon sighed. "It's just that I haven't been here all that long and I'm already bored!"
Sam tried to hide her grin as she looked at Jack. "Deja vu!"
Jack shrugged. "What can I say? The apple doesn't fall far from the tree."
"What's that mean?" Jon asked, looking between them.
Sam was about to answer but Jack cut in. "It just means you've got more of me in you than just my bone marrow."
Jon looked even more confused before Sam clarified, "He means you have a lot in common."
"Oh." Jon seemed to let the subject drop. "How long do you have to stay in the hospital, Jack? Maybe we could play a game or something."
"Well, they haven't said, but I'm hoping I'll be outta here by tonight. But we can still play a game. Ya got any cards?"
Jon looked at Sam. "Do I?"
"Yeah, I think I tossed some in your bag when I was packing it." Sam started rifling through the bag of games and toys she'd packed to entertain Jon. She extracted a deck of worn cards bound by a rubber band.
"You want to play, too?" Jon asked his mother.
"I guess it depends on what you're going to play."
Jack undid the rubber band, expertly shuffling the cards, earning him a look of awe from Jon. He smiled at the boy's appreciation and said,
"The name of the game is five card stud, boys and girls."
"Jack! You're not going to teach my son poker!"
"Don't be such a spoilsport, Carter! He's gotta learn sometime!"
"Yeah, Mom! I gotta learn sometime!" Sam smiled at how Jon was even picking up Jack's speech inflections.
"Okay! I'm out gunned! Deal me in!" she said, pulling Jon's tray table over so they could all play.
"All right!" Jon cried, giving Jack a high-five, grinning from ear to ear. Sam couldn't help her own smile from forming on her face. The two of them together was just too cute. It was a scene she never thought she'd see--Jack and his son sitting side-by-side, ganging up on her.
"So, what are we playin' for?" Jack asked.
"Do we have to play for something? Can't we just do it for fun?" Sam asked.
"Carter! What fun is it if there aren't some stakes? Pennies, M and M's, anything will work. He's gotta learn how to bet!"
Sam searched through her purse. "Tic Tacs work?"
"Whatever, just so we all have something to bet."
Sam doled out the candies, a little dismayed none of them had very many. Well, it would make for a short game, she thought. They probably shouldn't tire Jon too much anyway.
Jack dealt the cards and explained to Jon what he was looking for. "Okay, Carter, ante up," he said, tossing a Tic Tac into the center of the small table.
"How come you keep calling my mom 'Carter?'" Jon asked.
Jack looked up, meeting Sam's gaze. "I dunno. Guess it's just a habit."
Sam felt the beginning of a smile tugging at her lips. He didn't say her name with the same exasperation he used to. The tone was what? Almost affectionate?
"You used to call her that?" Jon pressed.
"Yeah, when she was my 2IC. She tell you she was my second-in-command?"
"You were?" Jon said, turning to look at his mother with new respect. "How come you never told me that?"
"Well, Jon, a lot of what Jack and I did was classified. You know, secret stuff, so I just don't talk about any of it."
"But you could have told me you were his second-in-command! That's so cool!" he cried. Sam felt herself starting to blush at her son's unabashed praise.
"Oh, yeah," Jack added. "Very cool. She was the best I ever had."
Sam looked over at Jack, feeling for a moment he wasn't just referring to her career. "Okay, you guys, you're starting to embarrass me. Are we going to play cards or what? Can anyone open?"
***
Their poker game was interrupted by a drill sergeant of a nurse who insisted Jack needed to walk. He tried not to grimace as he stood, but the sharp pain in his hip was impossible to ignore. Sam was at his side in an instant, helping him to stand, and that almost made up for the fact he felt he was about to embarrass himself and cry out. *Some tough guy,* he thought to himself. *Don't think I'd do too well in that Iraqi prison at this stage of the game.* Now there's a story that would impress Jon! On second thought, even the glossed over version might be a little too much for a kid his age.
"Are you okay, Jack?" Sam asked. "You're white as a sheet."
"It's getting better," he said. I guess they're right about sitting in one position too long. Think you can give me a hand?"
"Of course," she replied, winding one arm around his waist, placing the other on his chest, as if the slight pressure would hold him up. He didn't mind, though, he was even beginning to forget the pain as he concentrated how good it felt for her to be close.
Once they were clear of Jon's room, Jack said, "Are you sure you never showed him how to play poker? That kid's a natural! I can't believe he cleaned me out!"
"He does seem to have a knack for it," Sam smiled. "I didn't expect to lose to him either. Of course I *did* throw away some pretty good hands."
"You too?" he grinned. "I thought I was the only one who was letting him win."
"Well, it was nice of you to make him feel like he was winning. Thanks, Jack."
He stopped shuffling forward, turning to look at her. "What for?"
"For being so nice to him. I can see you've impressed him. I think he's got a slight case of hero worship going already."
"Naturally," he smiled.
"I'm serious, Jack. And it might be a problem."
"What do you mean?" he asked, clearly not seeing what harm there could be in a little ego boost from the kid.
"Jeff already has a problem with you being here. Even though I've told him he shouldn't feel threatened by you, he is. I know Jon. He's excited about getting to know you, and I know he's going to talk about it. It's not going to be easy for Jeff to hear."
"And do you think it's easy for me to see how much Jon loves Jeff? How he considers him as his father and I'm just a friend? Don't get me wrong, I'd love to be his friend, but it's not easy for me to see another man in what should be my place."
Sam's arm seemed to tighten around his waist. "I know. This isn't easy for either of you. But there's no reason Jon can't love both of you. He's got a lot of love to give." She hesitated for a moment before looking into his eyes. "Just like his father."
Jack stared back at her. Could she see how much he still cared for her? How much he wished he could tell her of the times he'd thought of her over the years? How he'd envisioned sharing a life with her? And now, when he'd finally come to the realization, she was off-limits. Again. Bad timing had always been their fate. And it sucked.
"Sam, I'm not here to come between you and your family. I just want the chance to get to know Jon. To make sure he's going to be okay. You can understand that, can't you?"
"Of course I can," she said, looking him in the eyes once more. "I'm just saying this isn't going to be easy. For any of us, and the less we provoke Jeff, the better."
"I'm sure he's a reasonable guy. Hell, I might even come to like him. Stranger things have been known to happen."
"Well, I wouldn't be buying any tickets to hang out at hockey games just yet," she said. "I just wanted you to understand that sometimes it's going to seem like I'm siding with Jeff, and I didn't want you to think that means I'm denying you your rights."
Jack turned, placing his hands on her shoulders. "I know you'll do what you think is best. For all of us."
God! The way she was looking up at him made him want to kiss her! It was probably a good thing they were standing in the middle of a hospital corridor, or he might have leaned in, pressing his lips against hers. Mentally giving himself a shake, he said,
"I think maybe I should get back to my room. I'm starting to feel a little tired." Sam nodded, helping to support him again, but not holding him quite as closely this time. Apparently she hadn't missed the tension between them either.
***
It'd been three weeks since Jon had had his transplant, and the stress was finally catching up with Sam. If she wasn't at the hospital, she was trying to give Kelsey some extra attention. Jeff was so swamped with trying to catch up on his back-log of work, he wasn't much help. Sam didn't blame him for his absence, but a little more assistance would have been welcome.
Sam didn't know what she would have done if Jack hadn't been there to lend a hand. He'd been released from the hospital the day after his aspiration, but continued to visit Jon daily, giving her a break to accomplish some household duties, even get a little sleep.
Jeff and Jack rarely crossed paths as Jack would leave before Jeff showed up for his nightly visits. Sam started to jokingly refer to the transition as the "changing of the guard," and Jack quickly picked up on the phrase.
Sam wasn't surprised when Jack announced he was going to look for an apartment, but Jeff seemed to take it personally. They'd fought, once again, about Jack's continued presence, when it was obvious Jon was improving.
"I just don't understand why he's hanging around!" Jeff exclaimed as he sat down to dinner. It was the first time in weeks they'd eaten together since Jon's illness. His absence at the table was obvious, but at least the three of them attempted to eat a meal together, even if it was take-out.
"Jeff, he's concerned about him! And besides, the time he spends with Jon gives me the opportunity to catch up on things! I was even able to go into work for a few hours yesterday."
"Jon's a big kid! I think he can stand to be alone a couple of hours a day!" Jeff countered.
"How would you like to be ten years-old, trapped in a hospital with only a TV and a Gameboy? Especially for weeks on end? Of course he *could* be alone, but I don't want him to be! It's not like there's someone with him 24 hours a day! But he needs some distractions! And Jack deserves the right to get to know him!"
Jeff shot a glance at her then nodded towards Kelsey, who was watching them with huge eyes. She didn't know anything about Jack being Jon's real father, but she looked at her parents as if something was wrong.
The rest of their dinner was spent in an uncomfortable silence. Sam had lost her appetite, but waited for Kelsey to finish before clearing the plates from the table. Once they were alone, she picked up the thread of their argument.
"You might as well know, Jack's looking at apartments."
"What? What the hell for? I thought he has a house in Colorado Springs. Doesn't he have to look after that?"
"He's not leaving until Jon's out of the hospital, Jeff, so you might as well get used to the idea. And he's tired of living in a motel room."
"Why don't you just move him into the spare room while you're at it?" Jeff spat.
Sam sighed, gathering his plate and empty food cartons. "He's looking at furnished apartments in St. Paul so he's close to the hospital. He's going to be fifteen miles away! It's not like he's going to be in the neighborhood! Besides, I feel better knowing he's close to the hospital if something should happen when we're not there. He can be there in five minutes instead of close to twenty."
"And what about me? Don't I have a say in this?"
"A say in what? You can't tell Jack where he can live and where he can't! If he decided to move in next door you couldn't do anything about it!" Sam was slamming dishes into the sink, stopping her tirade when a plate broke. Covering her face with her hands she burst into tears.
"I'm so tired of fighting, Jeff. I'm tired of having my life being on hold waiting for Jon to stabilize so he can come home. And I'm tired of playing referee between you and Jack." She wiped her eyes, turning to face him. "When you come to the hospital tomorrow, I'm going to help Jack find a place to rent." She started to leave the kitchen, but Jeff caught her by the arm, holding tightly, but not enough to hurt her.
"What's happening to us, Sam? We never used to fight like this! When was the last time we made love? Or you even kissed me for that matter? I'll tell you. When Jack showed up. How do you expect me to be happy about him sticking around when he's the root of all our problems?"
Sam pulled out of his grasp. "Don't you go blaming this on Jack! You know damn well we were having problems long before he came! If you didn't suspect something was wrong, what was with the big show of romance? You know as well as I do we haven't had a marriage for years!"
"And whose fault is that?" he practically shouted. "I tried! I tried to show you how much I love you, but you just kept pushing me away. And then Jack shows up! And he's taking everything from me! He's taking my son and he's taking you!"
"You want to know what 'took' me from you? It was you and your attitude towards the military! How do you expect me to love you when you're ashamed of what I am? What I did? I'm damn proud of the work I've done! It was an *honor* to serve my country! You think I went into the Air Force simply because it was 'the family business?' I had a goal, Jeff! I was going to get into NASA, I was going to fly shuttles! Would that have embarrassed you too? Or would that have had more 'class' for you and your snobby family?"
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"You think I don't know that that's the reason you're embarrassed to tell anyone I was in the service? You didn't want anyone to know that your mini-van driving little housewife carried an automatic weapon!"
"Sam, I've never had a problem with what you do!"
"With what I do now! Of course you're not embarrassed to tell them I'm an astrophysicist, because it makes you look good!"
"And just how does it make *me* look good?" he shouted.
"Well of *course* you must be smart too, if you've got a wife who's doing that kind of work for a living! I used to be proud of the fact that you were man enough to not be intimidated by my making more money than you, until I figured out *why* it didn't bug you!"
"Sam, you're way off base here."
"Am I? If you're so damn secure, why does Jack being here bother you so much? It's not like he's trying to take your place in Jon's life! I've heard him tell Jon the same thing--that you're his dad, but he'd like to be his friend. What's so terrible about that?"
"I'm sure that's what he says when you're in the room," Jeff countered.
"If Jack was telling him something different when I wasn't around, Jon would ask me about it," Sam said.
"Okay, but I don't like how he looks at you, either!"
Sam threw up her arms, then settled her hands on her hips. "And how is he looking at me?"
"Like he's still in love with you."
"You're crazy. For one thing, Jack was never in love with me. It's why I left."
"Well, then you must be blind, because he sure can't keep his eyes off you. Any more than you can keep your eyes off him."
Sam felt the fluttering in her stomach that was now becoming common place whenever she thought of Jack. Fighting about him was one thing, but when she thought of the way she felt when she looked into Jack's eyes, she felt like a teenager with her first crush. Unconsciously, she rubbed her hand over her abdomen, as if to dispel the butterflies that had taken up residence.
"You can't tell me seeing him again hasn't dredged up old feelings. For both of you," Jeff said, his voice returning to a normal tone.
"Well, naturally, he makes me think of the old days. But it isn't any different than when Daniel and Janet visit."
"Bullshit," he said quietly. "Let's just drop this, okay? I knew I wasn't going to get a straight answer out of you anyway. Whether you're lying to protect him or lying to yourself, it doesn't matter. You're denying what's plain to see. And you're right. I don't have the right to say where Jack lives, but I do have the right to say who comes near my family. And I don't want him near my son. Or my wife."
"We're not your property, Jeff." Sam stated, trying to keep the anger from her voice. "And I wouldn't push Jack on this. I know him. He'll sue for custody. At the very least he'd be granted visitation. You really want Jack to have him a portion of every year?"
Jeff sighed. "You know I don't."
"Then I suggest you play nice. Let Jack have his time with him. Like you said, sooner or later he's going to have to return to Colorado Springs to take care of his house and whatever other affairs he has."
Jeff paced around the kitchen, rubbing his face with his hands. "Okay, all right. I'll back off, but only because I don't want him to get his hands on Jon. And I'd *appreciate* it if you didn't spend time at the hospital when he's there."
"I can't make any promises, Jeff."
"Yeah, well, I didn't expect you to," he said, exiting the room.
***
It was late afternoon the next day when Jack came bursting into Jon's hospital room, excited as a child at Christmas.
"Sam! I found the perfect place! It's got a park next door, bike path to more parks, quiet neighborhood! It's perfect!" he repeated.
"What are you talking about?" Sam asked, marking the page of the book she'd been reading to Jon.
"Hello? The apartment?!" he said. "The one I've been looking for?!"
"I thought you wanted me to help you look for one," she said, slightly hurt he'd done it on his own, denying her the chance to spend more time in his company away from the hospital.
"I did! I do! I saw this place on the drive over here! I want you to come see it!" he said, pulling her out of her chair.
"What about Jon?" Sam asked, still shocked by Jack's whirlwind entrance.
"Jeff will be here in less than an hour. You'll be okay 'till then, won'tcha, Buddy?"
"Of course I will! I'm not a baby!"
"See? It's settled. Let's go," Jack said starting to drag her toward the door.
"Jon. . ."
"Make it an order, Jack, then she'll have to go!" Jon laughed.
Playing along with him, Jack grinned and said, "Major Carter! Get your butt out to my car on the double!"
Sam gave him a crisp salute. "Yes, sir!"
Jon was laughing at their antics as Jack looked back and said, "If I get this place, I'm takin' you to the park!"
"It's a deal!" Jon called as Jack rushed Sam out the door.
"What's the big hurry?" Sam asked.
"The building manager has a job to get to. He said if we could get there by six he could go over the rental contract."
"I don't think you need me there to watch you sign the contract, Jack. I think you're perfectly capable of doing it on your own if you like the place."
"There's just one catch that I didn't mention," he said, screwing up his face as if it pained him to reveal the next bit of information.
"What is it?" she asked, stopping dead in her tracks, refusing to take one more step until he clarified things.
"Well, ya see, the owners are kinda picky who they rent to."
"So? You're of a 'mature age,' I don't think anyone's going to think you're going to trash the place with wild drug parties."
"Well, it's a little more than that," he said, still scrunching up his features.
"Would you just spit it out, Jack!"
"They only rent to married couples." He said it in such a rush, Sam wasn't sure if she heard him correctly.
"Well, you're not married," she needlessly pointed out.
"Not at the moment," he said, giving her a sideways glance.
"Oh, no! You want me to. . .You're kidding, right? Jack this is ridiculous! This only happens in bad romance novels!"
"Come on, Sam! It'll only take an hour of your time. Just pretend to be my wife, and then I can tell the neighbors you travel a lot. It's not like people don't already think we're married! Hell, half the hospital staff calls you 'Mrs. O'Neill!'"
Sam blushed at his words. She knew Jack was right as she'd corrected several people on the mistake. She supposed she could see how the nursing staff could get the wrong impression when they were the people who visited Jon the most.
"Okay, if this place is so great and you can't stand to lose it, I'll do it."
Jack gave a whoop, sweeping her up into a big hug, and Sam couldn't help but smile at him. Who would have thought an apartment would get him so excited?
"Come on," he said, taking her by the hand and running toward the entrance. "We don't have much time."
***
On the drive to the apartment Jack kept up a running commentary about how great his 'new apartment' was. She'd had to remind him several times that he didn't have it yet. She had to admit it was a nice neighborhood, and surprisingly quiet for it's proximity to the expressway. And it was close to the hospital. It did indeed seem to have it all.
Entering the rental office, Jack took Sam's hand. She looked down at their joined hands and then back up at him.
"Well, we've got to play the part, ya know."
"If you really want us to look like a married couple you wouldn't be standing anywhere near me," she teased.
"Sam, this is gonna be a piece of cake. No one knows we're not married."
"Except for the fact you don't have a ring," she pointed out. "At least I have one," she said, looking guiltily down at her left hand. It wasn't like she was actually doing anything wrong pretending to be Jack's wife. The trouble was, it felt good. The thought that they were looking at apartments together made her feel twenty years younger, almost as if she *was* a newlywed.
They entered the building just as the manager was leaving. A short, balding man, he was juggling a briefcase and a cup of coffee trying to lock his door.
"Can I give you a hand?" Sam offered, taking the coffee from his precarious hold.
"Uh, thank you. . .Miss. . .?"
"Mrs. O'Neill," she said, casting a smile at Jack.
"Oh, yes! Mr. O'Neill! I'm surprised you returned so quickly!" he exclaimed, examining the couple before him.
"I was hoping to show Sam the apartment," he said, placing his hands on her shoulders.
"You were quite taken with it," he smiled. "Jordan Marsh," the manager said, holding out his now free hand.
"Samantha Carter," she said, shaking his hand. "O'Neill," she added as Jack jabbed her in the ribs.
Jordan checked his watch. "Well, I'm going to be a bit late, but I think my employer will understand. Especially since he owns this building! Let me get the keys, and I'll take you up."
Opening the door he just locked, Jordan deposited his brief case and retrieved a huge key ring with several dozen keys attached.
"It's on the second floor," he said, leading the way. Sam and Jack exchanged glances; she couldn't help but continue to be amused by Jack's enthusiasm.
2C was just off the landing, and at the end of the hall was a beautiful stained glass window. Sam's breath caught when she saw it.
"Gorgeous, isn't it?" Mr. Marsh said proudly. "These apartments were once part of mansion. There's only six units, so it's nice and quiet. And all the tenants are very friendly. I'm sure you'd be quite happy here."
That's the trouble, Sam thought. She was already taken with the place. Of course part of that might have to do with the fantasy she was playing out at the moment. Pretending to be Jack's wife was heady enough without "playing house" as well.
Jordan unlocked the door, swinging it wide.
"Oh, my, God!" Sam breathed as she took in the room. A huge bay window dominated the living room, allowing the afternoon sun to flood the room with light. There was a marble fireplace to the left and the kitchen was to the right. The living room and kitchen shared the same expanse, and even though it was fully modern, the new kitchen blended in with the older decor perfectly. This was the kind of home she'd always dreamed of having. Not that the house she and Jeff built wasn't nice, but she'd never imagined herself living in a sub-division, no matter how nice or exclusive. This apartment had character. It had life. It *was* perfect.
"Oh, Jack," she sighed. "I can see why you fell in love with this place!"
"The bedrooms are back here," Jordan pointed out. The master bedroom was a work of art, same as the living room. More bay windows dominated the room, with stained glass panels at the top of each section.
"And this second bedroom is used as a home office," the manager said. It was smaller than the master bedroom, but had the same great light, and hardwood floors. After seeing the huge bathroom, complete with a clawfoot tub, Sam declared it "a religious experience."
"So," Jordan said, pushing is round wire-frame glasses up his nose, "I take it you like it, Mrs. O'Neill?"
"Oh, yes!" she exclaimed, turning to Jack, she said, "You have to take it!"
"*We* have to take it," he stressed.
"Of course! That's what I meant," she said, blushing.
"Well, since I've met your wife, I have to admit you would be perfect for us as well. If you'd join me in the office we'll take care of the formalities?"
"We'll join you in just a minute," Jack said. Jordan stared at them for a moment, then seemed to realize they wanted some time alone.
"Oh! Yes! Of course! I'll meet you down stairs."
Once they were alone, Jack turned to Sam. "Didn't I tell you this place was terrific! And all this cool stuff comes with it! I suppose that's why they want to rent to someone 'responsible.' Thank you so much for going along with this!" He swept her up into another hug, holding her so tight she was having difficulty breathing. At least she assumed that was the reason she was breathless.
Sam reluctantly disengaged herself from Jack's embrace, shaking her head.
"What?" he asked.
"I just never thought you'd get so excited over an apartment, that's all. No matter how great. Sounds more like Daniel than you!"
"Every other furnished apartment looked like larger versions of a motel room. I couldn't live like that anymore."
Sam had to admit, in the past, when she'd been to Jack's house in Colorado Springs, she was surprised how "cozy" it seemed for a guy. Not that it was effeminate, or overtly masculine. It was comfortable, relaxed. This apartment had that same feel, so she could see how he was anxious to leave the sterile atmosphere of his motel room.
Jack reached out, caressing Sam's cheek. "Thanks again for doing this for me."
Sam froze at the contact. She felt a rush of electricity flow through her, making her knees weak. How was it possible he could affect her so much with just a light touch? Her gaze remained locked with Jack's, afraid to move or blink.
Finally he broke the moment between them. "We should probably get downstairs so that Marsh guy can get to work."
Sam merely nodded, afraid her voice would betray how much his touch had shaken her.
***
Sam took a seat next to Jack, looking over the contract in his hands. Everything seemed to be in order, other than the rental period. It stated the contract was for one year. Jack was about to sign the paper when she quietly whispered to him,
"Jack, it's a contract for a year. And you can't sub-let."
He turned to face her, smiling. "I know."
Sam sat back, watching as Jack signed the paper in three different areas. Did that mean he was going to just let the apartment sit empty once Jon was out of the hospital, or did it mean he was planning on staying in the area at least a year? Part of her was elated he might consider staying after Jon was released, but there was the other part of her that had to deal with Jeff and his jealousy. How hard would it be to live with Jeff, when he knew Jack was only on the other side of the city?
Jack signed the last page with a flourish. "Your turn, Mrs. O'Neill."
Sam knew it was highly illegal for her to be agreeing to this contract under a false name, but as Jack had pointed out, who was to find out? Taking the pen from his hand, she signed, "Samantha Carter-O'Neill," three times, surprised at how easily the name flowed from her hand. She thought for sure she'd hesitate when she reached "O'Neill" and didn't write "Greenfield," but it hadn't happened.
Jack paid his security deposit, first and last month's rent, and took his copy of the rental agreement from Mr. Marsh.
"Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. O'Neill. Here's a key for each of you, and you can move in when ever you like." Everyone exchanged handshakes, and Jack dropped his arm around Sam's shoulders, as if the gesture was completely natural.
"Whaddya say, Honey? Should we move in?"
***
Jack accepted Sam's offer to help him re-locate, although he didn't have much to actually move. Everything would fit into his car, but he wasn't in a hurry to part with Sam's company. After dropping her off to pick up her van at the hospital, he drove to his new home, waiting for her to arrive. He was a little surprised when she took so long, but eventually he saw the familiar red van pulling into the parking lot.
"Sorry," she said, upon leaving her vehicle. "I wanted to check on Jon quickly and Jeff was there. I told him I was helping you move. He wasn't too happy about it."
"Well, I guess I can see his point. I don't have that much stuff. If this is going to cause a problem for you, Sam. . . . "
"No, he already knew I was planning on apartment hunting with you tonight. He should just be glad you found one so fast."
"Well, I appreciate the help. I should probably get some groceries, too."
"I spotted a store about two blocks down. Do you want me to go and pick out some stuff for you?"
"Naw. How about we carry this stuff up, then I'll come with you, okay?"
"Sounds good," she said, jamming her hands into the pockets of her jeans.
Sam seemed nervous, he noticed. It had only been about an hour ago they'd pulled off the "husband and wife" routine without a hitch, and now she was all shy again. Had Jeff said something to upset her?
He had to admit, pretending Sam was his wife had come pretty easily. In fact, he couldn't remember any actual acting going on. She seemed as comfortable in the apartment as he felt; having her there just felt. . .right. He tried to shake that feeling. She wasn't supposed to feel right. She was supposed to be his friend. His very *married* friend.
In two trips they had his belongings in the apartment and were on their way to the market. Sam kept trying to load him down with fruits and vegetables, while he kept gravitating toward the freezer section and it's selection of microwaveable meals.
The were still laughing about Jack's lack of culinary expertise as he unlocked the door, swinging it open. He place his bags inside, then took Sam's from her, placing them next to his. She turned a questioning gaze towards him, but before she could speak, Jack literally swept her off her feet, carrying her through the doorway.
"Jack! What are you doing?" she cried, still giddy from all their previous teasing.
"I'm carrying you over the threshold, what does it look like?"
"Um, Jack, it really isn't necessary, especially since we're not married."
"Yeah, but the neighbors don't know that," he whispered. Didn't you notice the audience we had out there?"
"I can't say that I did," she commented, looking around his shoulder. "Okay. Now I see her," she whispered back. "Blue hair. 2 A."
"She still there?" he spoke into her ear.
"Yeah."
"Make it look real, Sam," he said as his lips descended on hers. At first she was struggling, obviously shocked he was kissing her, but after a moment she was kissing him back. Whether she was following his instructions or her instincts, he couldn't be sure. All he knew he was so lost in the sensation there could have been a hundred people in the hall observing them and he wouldn't have noticed.
He broke for a breath, only to find Sam's mouth on his again, kissing him so deeply he barely remembered not to drop her. Carrying her further into the room, he kicked the door shut with his foot, all the while making sure his mouth didn't break contact with hers. He slid her down his body, wrapping one hand around her waist, pulling her close, the other weaving it's way into her hair, playing with the silky strands. Her hands encircled him, running up and down his back, as if she could claw her way through his shirt.
"Oh, God, Sam," he moaned into her mouth. Abruptly she pulled away, as if s he'd suddenly been doused with ice water.
"Oh, Jack! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have done that! I can't be doing this!" she cried, backing out of his arms. "I have to go," she mumbled, tears filling her eyes.
"Sam! Wait! Don't go like this! Please! I don't want make the same mistake again! Talk to me!"
Sam looked at him with sorrowful eyes. "I can't right now, Jack. I need to think! I've got to go!"
Before he could stop her, Sam was gone. Out the door and down the stairs.
***
Sam unlocked the door of her van with shaky hands, quickly climbing in and slamming the door. Gripping the steering wheel, she lay her head against the padded cover. God, what was she thinking? What was *he* thinking? Had all the pretending gone to both their heads?
She had to admit she'd looked forward to seeing him at the hospital; it was almost like old times, seeing him daily. But when did he take up residence in her mind so her first thought in the morning was of him, and he was the last thing she thought of at night?
She wanted him, that much was obvious from her reaction to his kiss. God, all she wanted to do was remain in his arms, kissing him until he dragged her off to the bedroom. . . . Was it just because it had been so long since she and Jeff had been together, or was it something more? Something she'd been denying since she first saw him at the airport?
Sam could still feel the sensation of his lips on hers. There was such an ache in her chest at the memory, she felt tears welling up once more. Putting her hand on the ignition, she started to turn the key, but she couldn't make the motion to start the van. It was almost as if a physical force was preventing her from leaving.
*I'll just sit here for a minute,* she thought. *Just long enough to get myself under control so Jeff doesn't immediately suspect something.*
Sam took a few deep breaths, glancing in the rear view mirror. She noticed the light come on in what would be Jack's bedroom. Staring at the window, she silently agreed with herself that when the light went out, she'd go. But the light didn't go out. She waited but still the light burned. Sam could make out movement in the room, making her feel like a voyeur, spying on him.
She should just go. What was she doing still sitting there anyway? She'd been in such a hurry to get away from him, what was holding her in the parking lot? The look of hurt and confusion in his eyes for one thing, she told herself. And that she just didn't want to leave him. But where could this go? If she went back to his apartment, she knew what would happen. They wanted each other, no matter how wrong it was. And it *was* wrong. This was more than breaking a few antiquated regulations. It was tossing out every moral she'd ever been raised to believe in. And yet she found herself with her hand on the door handle, his pull on her irresistible.
Sam didn't remember crossing the parking lot or even climbing the stairs. All she knew she was before Jack's door, knuckles raised to knock.
*This is your last chance, Sam,* her conscience screamed at her. *Don't give up everything you know is right, just for a night of pleasure.*
Her knock sounded unnaturally loud in her ears as she rapped on the wood. In the span of time it would take Jack to cross to the door, she could be gone. Spare them both the agony that was sure to come. But her feet refused to move.
"Yeah?" he asked, opening the door. Jack simply stared at her, mouth dropping open in shock.
Sam swallowed, trying to find her voice. "I don't know what I'm doing here," she said so softly, she was surprised he'd even heard her.
"I do," he said, pulling her into the apartment, quickly closing the door. Whether he shut the door to preserve their privacy or prevent her escape, Sam couldn't say.
They simply stared at each other, trying to gauge the other's reaction to this sudden change of events.
"Sam, I. . . "
She placed her fingers over his lips. "No, not yet. I don't want to talk. I just want to feel." With that she practically flew at him, replacing her fingers with her lips, opening her mouth to deepen their kiss.
Jack's hands were everywhere on her body and hers were equally mobile, pulling his shirt out of his jeans, raking her nails over his shoulders and down his chest as she removed the garment. She couldn't stop her triumphant smile as he moaned at her touch.
Sam's mind was a blur as the situation rapidly burned out of control. He'd backed her over to the couch, working the buttons on her blouse as he went, following the path of his fingers with light kisses.
Sam tried to dredge up some feeling of remorse, a reason she should put a stop to the madness before things went too far, but it was too late. She realized she'd already gone too far when she'd exited the van. Her fate had been sealed.
Jack divested her of her shirt and was now working on her bra, torturing her by placing delicate kisses along the equally delicate lace.
"Oh, Jack," she moaned, arching under his touch. "I missed you so much. I just kept denying it."
"Shhhhh," he said, kissing her once more. "No talking, remember?" he slid a hand under her bra, caressing her breast, producing another sigh. "Moaning, however, is allowed."
She captured his mouth once more, kissing him deeply before blazing her own trail along his jaw and down his throat. This time it was Jack's turn to become vocal, as he raked his fingers through her hair. He pushed her down on the sofa, working on removing her jeans. Taking his lead, Sam began to do the same with his. All coherent thought was forgotten as they frantically removed restrictive clothing; neither in the mood for slow, tender loving. Next time, Sam promised herself. Next time they would totally rediscover one another.
***
Jack lay on top of Sam, trying to catch his breath as she reached up, caressing his cheek. She ran her thumb over his enticing lips, then kissed him softly.
"Jack, we have to move," she said, squirming under his weight. "This couch is definitely for looks only!"
Jack kissed her back, still slightly breathless. "Where do you suggest we go?"
Sam gave him one of her most brilliant smiles. "Bedroom," she said.
***
The second time they made love was definitely a more of a study in pleasure than the first. Still somewhat sated from their earlier encounter, they took their time in exploring each other. Each touch, each caress was electric, sending shocks along her nerves. Sam never knew there could be so many erotic ways to touch another person. Even Jack's hands trailing on her arms sent a rush of heat to her core.
Their love making was tantalizing, agonizingly slow, but neither did anything to hurry the other, both caught up in the sensations they were giving and receiving. The only sober thought Sam had as Jack finally sent her over the edge was how she hoped the building was adequately sound-proofed.
"It was better than the last time," Sam breathed, locked in his embrace. She placed a kiss on his shoulder, then snuggled down onto his chest.
"At least it wasn't quite so fast," Jack agreed.
"I'm talking about on the planet," Sam said. "I didn't think it was possible to top that night. I was wrong," she said, looking up into his eyes. Jack smiled, but looked confused.
"Jack, if we *had* talked about what had happened there, what would you have said to me?"
"I'm not sure," he replied. "I was scared, I know that much."
"Scared? Of what?"
"Of you. Of what you made me realize I felt for you. God, Sam! I was falling in love with my second-in-command and it was scaring the hell out of me! I know I was the one making things difficult for us. Making you feel uncomfortable around me. If I'd just admitted to myself I saw you as more than a colleague, we probably would have worked it out. But I was scared of what you were feeling as well. What if I misread your response to me? What if it really was just your reaction to what we thought was our last hours? I didn't want to face the fact it might have meant nothing to you," he said quietly. "Because it meant so much to me."
Tears were gathering in Sam's eyes. "It meant a lot to me, too, Jack. I felt I'd finally broken through your shell. For once I saw a glimpse of the man I knew you could be, and then it was gone. I think it's why I never really fell in love with Jeff," she confided. "In my mind I had this 'ideal,' this one perfect night of loving you. No one could live up to that expectation. Only you. And you weren't an option. I think our marriage was doomed from the start."
"Sam, I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but you can't claim it was all for nothing. Look at Kelsey! She's a terrific kid! And I was serious when I said you and Jeff have done a great job with Jon. It doesn't mean I'm happy he's got you, and them, but you can't say something good hasn't come out of your marriage."
Sam struggled out of Jack's arms to sit on the edge of the bed. "I can't believe I'm even having this conversation with you!"
"What are you talking about?"
"I mean, here I am in your bed, after having made love with you and we're discussing what a great guy my husband is! God, I feel so ashamed!" she cried, burying her face in her hands.
Jack placed a hand on her bare back. "I'm sorry, Sam. I wasn't trying to make you feel bad. I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you. But would it have been better not to express how we feel? To let it tear us apart a little more each day? Do you know how hard it's been for me to see you with Jeff? To know he's the one you're going home to? That he's the one who has everything I ever wanted?"
Sam turned to face him. "And what about now, Jack? I'm going to leave here and go home to him. And pretend I didn't sleep with you. Pretend I don't care about you. What kind of a life is that? For any of us? Is this all we'll ever have? Stolen moments together? We never should have done this. *I* never should have done this. Not only do I have the memories from the past, now I'll have tonight to haunt me as well."
Jack came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her. "I love you, Sam. And I'm not letting you go. I was a fool to let you slip away before. I'm not going to make the same mistake again."
"Jack, it's not that simple. If I asked Jeff for a divorce, you know he'd use you as the reason for our problems. He'll claim I was having an affair with you, and use it to take Kelsey and Jon from me. I can't let him do that. I *won't* lose my children."
"Sam, I won't let him do that to you. We'll find a way to work this out. I'm not giving up on you. Not this time." The determination in Jack's voice made her look into his eyes once more. She almost believed anything was possible when she stared into them. She understood why she'd felt the need to run away from him all those years ago, but she wished she hadn't. If only she'd had the courage to face him, tell him she was pregnant, so much would be different.
Jack kissed her lightly, sealing his promise to fight for her.
"We'll find a way," she agreed, placing her hands on the arms encircling her waist. Sam lay her head on Jack's shoulder for a moment, sighing. "I have to go."
"I know," he said, pulling her closer as if he had no intention of letting her go. He kissed her hair then released her.
Sam stood up, wrapping a sheet around her body, amazed she could feel so shy after the intimacy they'd just shared. Actually, now that she'd thought about it, what had made Jack purchase sheets even before he had the apartment? Had he anticipated this night even before she had?
"Care if I use your bathroom?" she asked, blushing from how awkward she still felt. She'd loved Jack for years, and yet the actuality of being with him was something that left her feeling like a teenager on her first date.
"Only if I can share the bathtub with you," he grinned, apparently more at ease with the change in their relationship than she was. Funny, considering he was the one who seemed the most uncomfortable the last time they found themselves in this situation.
"Think it's big enough?" she managed to smile back at him.
"We could test that theory, Doctor," he said, rising off the bed, embracing her once more.
"Oooo, I love it when you talk Ph.D. to me," she teased, leaning in for a kiss.
"I think it warrants further study," he said, dragging her off into the direction of the bathroom.
In the end, they discovered two bodies fit quite nicely into the tub, with a minimum of water displacement onto the floor. At least until Jack decided Sam needed to be totally submerged, and the ensuing water fight erupted. Only when she noticed the puddle of water encroaching on her clothes did Sam call a cease fire, which Jack gracefully accepted, having been out-maneuvered from the onset.
***
Jack peeked out his door, surveying the hallway. "Looks like the coast is clear. No nosy neighbors."
Sam started to laugh, but covered her mouth to keep the giggle from escaping.
"I wish you didn't have to go," Jack said, pulling her close, resting his forehead on hers.
"I wish I didn't have to go either. It's already late," she pointed out.
"I know." Jack kissed her, pushing the slightly damp hair off her face. "See you tomorrow?"
"Yeah," she smiled, but her eyes were sad.
"'Night, Sam," he said, kissing her one last time, then pulling away. It was so hard to let her walk out that door, but he knew he had to let her go. And he'd see her tomorrow, right? It wasn't that far away, but it felt like forever.
Sam slipped out the door and down the stairs before they both changed their minds and she stayed. Jogging to his room, Jack looked out the window in time to see her unlock her van. She turned and looked up at the window, spying him watching her. He waved once, then clenched his hand into a fist, resting it on the glass.
Jack remained at the window long after the van had driven out of sight, almost as if he were uneasy about facing the empty apartment. Sam had only been there a few short hours, and already the place felt lonely without her.
He couldn't think about where she was headed. The thought she would return to Jeff, return to his bed, was killing him. Even if she and Jeff hadn't had sex in months, just the thought of Jeff holding Sam in his arms caused such a wave of jealousy to rise in him, Jack felt nauseous.
So, where did that leave them? Was it going to be like Sam said? Stolen moments until they were discovered? And then what? Jeff would fight all the harder to keep Sam, if for nothing else, just to spite him.
And what about Sam? Would she leave Jeff? If the custody her children was threatened in any way, Jack knew she'd stay with him. Maybe renting this apartment hadn't been such a good idea. He thought if he had something a little more permanent, Sam, and consequently Jeff, would see he was serious about being in her life once more. Okay, if he was completely honest with himself, it was also so he had some place he could bring Sam, where hopefully they could rediscover what they'd lost when he botched things up before.
They'd started down the path to rediscovery at a full run, both a little surprised at how quickly things got out of control. But he wouldn't take any of it back. After all this time, he'd finally admitted to Sam, and himself that he loved her. He'd been a little surprised by Sam's reciprocal admission, but elated, nonetheless.
Now he was back to square one. Where did that leave them? The only way things were going to change was if Sam was willing to divorce Jeff. Or he left town and went back to Colorado Springs and tried to forget her. He knew that wasn't an option. He could never forget her. Not now. Not ever.
***
Sam was glad traffic had eased up for her trip back to Edina, as she was having one hell of a time driving and crying at the same time. God! How did she end up getting herself in these messes? First she had an affair with her C.O. Next she ran away from Jack instead of telling him about the baby. Then she went a married a man she didn't love so she wouldn't be alone and the baby would have a father. Now she went and slept with Jack. Had she ever made a good call in her life? She was torn. Torn between how wonderful, how *right* it felt to be with Jack and the reality she wasn't free to be with him.
Jeff was a good man. He didn't deserve this. Just because she wasn't happy didn't give her the right to mess up his life as well. If only she could take back some of her actions! But which would she take back? Making love to Jack in what she thought were her last desperate hours? But then she wouldn't have Jon, and he was everything to her. No, her biggest mistake was leaving. If she hadn't been so scared of what would happen when Jack found out, so much pain and longing could have been avoided.
What if Jack *had* offered to marry her? Would they have been happy? Or would she have been bitter at being removed from SG-1 to be a baby-sitter? She really couldn't conceive the idea of them being on the same team, especially with an infant to be cared for. General Hammond had a habit of bending the rules when it came to their team, but that situation would have been beyond even his purview. No, all things considered, leaving probably had been the only viable option at the time.
If she'd married Jack, she wouldn't have Kelsey, and Sam couldn't imagine her life without her daughter. But what if they *had* managed to work things out? Would there have been more children with Jack? He was so wonderful with Jon, he was an excellent father, even though he didn't have the job full-time.
Tears started to flow again as she thought of the family they might have had. How happy they could have been. The germ of an idea took up residence in her brain. A mere flash, but it refused to go away. Why couldn't she be with Jack now? She'd already seen about divorce proceedings prior to Jon's illness. Which would be the greater crime? Divorce Jeff or continue to live with him in the sham their marriage had become?
Sam wiped the last of her tears away as she realized she was pulling into her driveway. She'd been so consumed with her quandary, she didn't remember most of the trip home. Home. What a relative term. In the few hours she'd spent in Jack's apartment she'd felt more at home than she did in a house she'd helped plan and decorate with momentoes from her life.
Pulling into the garage, she sat for a moment, trying to calm her racing heart.
"Just act natural. He's going to try to bait you but pretend to be relaxed, as if you haven't just been having sex with another man," she added humorlessly.
Stepping into the house, she noticed the only light burning was the one over the kitchen sink. *Maybe Jeff decided to call it an early night,* she thought. Sam breathed a sigh of relief. At least the inevitable argument would wait until morning.
Sam hesitated at her bedroom door. She couldn't climb into bed with Jeff. Not after being with Jack. She couldn't betray Jack like that. Gathering up her pajamas, she made her way to the living room where she made up the couch into a make-shift bed.
After checking on Kelsey, Sam settled down on the sofa, but sleep wouldn't come. Conflicting emotions warred with images of making love to Jack, until she finally cried herself into an exhausted sleep.
She couldn't have been asleep long when she felt a hand shaking her shoulder.
"Sam, wake up."
Instantly awake, she sat bolt upright. "What is it? Is it Jon?"
"No," Jeff said, his smile irritating her more than reassuring her. "I came to get a glass of water and I found you out here. How come you didn't come to bed?"
"I. . .I didn't want to wake you. You haven't been sleeping much lately and I thought this way you might get some rest."
"And *you've* been sleeping properly?" he asked, crouching down next to the couch. "How do you expect to get any sleep on this horrible sofa?"
"It's not horrible," she answered, trying to avoid his question.
"Well, I appreciate the fact you tried to let me sleep, but as long as I'm awake, come to bed."
Sam's mind tried to search for a reason she should stay on the couch, but her brain was still foggy from her interrupted sleep.
"Sam?" Jeff asked, he must have noticed her hesitation.
"Yeah. I think I need a drink too. I'll be right in," she tried to smile at him.
"Okay. Don't be too long."
Sam gritted her teeth. She hated it when he treated her like a child. Faking a smile, she promised she'd be right in. After her drink, realizing there was no way to stall her return to the bedroom, Sam forced herself to make the short journey.
Jeff had the covers pulled back waiting for her. Swallowing the sigh that wanted to escape, Sam climbed in next to him. Immediately, he tried to draw her into his arms.
"Relax, will you, Sam. I know it's been a tough day."
*You have no idea,* she thought to herself, willing her body to lose it's ridged posture.
"O'Neill get settled?" he asked, causing Sam to tense once again.
"Ah, um, yeah. I'm sorry I'm so late, but he needed some groceries and while he was moving in, I offered to pick some stuff up for him."
"That was nice," he said. "It must have been busy at the grocery store."
"Not bad, why do you say that?"
"Well, you've been gone an awfully long time. I know it's a bit of a drive from St. Paul, but it doesn't take *that* long." He was baiting her again. Putting her on the defensive.
"I offered to make him dinner," she said, remembering she *hadn't* eaten since lunch.
"That was nice," he said again.
"Jeff," she said, pulling out of his arms, "what are you trying to say?"
"Nothing," he said, running his hands down her arms, trying to pull her close again. "It just seems like it took a long time. I missed you."
"For goodness sake, Jeff! I'm at work longer than I was gone! If you have something to say to me than just say it! I'm tired and I want to get some sleep!"
"Sammy, I didn't mean anything by it. Come here," he said, moving closer to her once more. She hated when he called her that. Surely he had to know that by now! Realizing she wasn't going to get any sleep if she didn't comply, Sam allowed him to hold her once more. It wasn't long before she felt his hand snaking up under her pajama top.
"Jeff! What do you think you're doing?"
"Well, it *has* been too long if you don't know," he tried to tease her.
Sam squeezed her eyes shut. She couldn't let him touch her. Not after Jack. . . . "I told you. I'm tired. We have to be up in a few hours. Can't we just go to sleep?"
Jeff's hand was gone as if he'd been burned. "Fine," he said tersely, turning his back on her. "You used to like it," he snapped at her. "Oh. I forgot to tell you. Your dad's coming in tomorrow."
"What?" she said, sitting up. "Did he call? Where is he?"
"He called while you were with *O'Neill*" he said. "He didn't say where he was, just that he'd see you at the hospital tomorrow. I was beginning to wonder if he cared his grandson was in the hospital."
"Jeff," Sam sighed, "you know my dad travels a lot. He's out of communication range most of the time."
"Come on, Sam! There isn't a place on this planet you can go and not be in contact *somehow!*"
Sam agreed. But then it wasn't often her father was on Earth.
"Besides, what's an old guy like him doing traipsing off into the middle of nowhere, anyway? I mean he's in good shape, but he *is* supposedly retired."
"You know he can't discuss the nature of his work," Sam said, lying down once more.
"I thought you said you were tired? We can talk about this in the morning," Jeff said, moving further away from her.
Sam rolled onto her side as well, her back to Jeff. Had it really taken her dad this long to get the message about Jon? Or had the Tok'ra been too busy to spare him? How the hell was she supposed to sleep now?
***
Sam pumped Jeff for as much information as she could about her father's arrival as she made him breakfast the next morning. He was still grumpy about her refusal of him, but at least he answered her questions.
"Is he going to stay with us?" he asked.
"I don't know. I guess it depends on how long he has."
"You know, with as crazy as things are right now, it would be nice to have a little privacy."
Sam slammed her spatula onto the counter. "Jesus Christ, Jeff! We're talking about my *father* here! Not some vagrant I want to bring home! You said yourself he doesn't visit often enough, and now you want me to send him to a hotel?"
"I just thought with all the tension here, he might be happier someplace else!" he yelled back.
"And whose fault is that? Everything that comes out of your mouth is an accusation!"
"I'm not the one who went flitting off to help a grown man buy milk and bread!"
"Well, you of all people should realize how helpless men can be!"
Just then Kelsey walked into the room, rubbing her tired eyes. "Mommy? How come you and Daddy are fighting? I don't like it when you fight!"
Sam scooped the girl into her arms, smoothing back her sleep-mussed hair. "We weren't really fighting, Honey. Daddy and I were talking about Grandpa Jake coming to see you and Jon. I guess we just got a little loud. I'm sorry we woke you," she said, rubbing the girl's back as she lay her head on her mother's shoulder.
"I wish I could see Jon," she yawned.
"I know you do, Sweetie. I think the doctors are going to let him come home soon. Then you can see him all you want." Setting Kelsey down, Sam turned her gaze to Jeff, daring him to continue their argument and further upset their daughter.
"Hey, Peanut, you want to have some breakfast with Daddy? Mommy's making eggs."
"I don't like eggs," she stated, crossing her arms in the same defiant pose Sam often took. It was funny watching the little girl emulate her, but she was sure Jeff didn't appreciate the gesture of stubbornness.
"How about some French toast?" she offered.
"Yes, yes!" she cried, jumping up and down.
"Hey, how come I didn't get offered French toast?" he teased, playing along with his daughter.
"Would you like some?" Sam asked, trying to get into the playful mood Kelsey brought with her, but she just couldn't drop the animosity she felt toward Jeff. For Kelsey's sake, she was glad he could change moods on a dime, but she just couldn't. It just made him seem all the more insincere.
"No thanks, you've got the eggs done." Changing the subject, he said, "I think maybe I'll take today off."
"How come? I thought you were really busy this week."
"I am, but the guys can handle it. Just in case your dad isn't around for very long, I wanted the chance to see him."
Sam eyed him suspiciously. Not ten minutes before he didn't want him staying at their house. Now he wanted to be sure to see her father?
"Look, I'm sorry, Sam. Of course he's welcome here. I was. . .I was just feeling like we're never together as a family anymore and I spoke without thinking."
Damn the man was frustrating! Just when she thought he was the biggest ass in the world, he had to apologize and make her feel like all their problems were her fault. Well, she certainly had a share in them, especially lately, but she wasn't the only one putting a strain on their marriage.
"Actually, that would be nice. If you can spend some time with Jon, it'll give me a chance to talk to Dad." Sam took a breath. "You know Jack will be there, too."
"I figured. Maybe once he sees it's 'just the family' he won't feel the need to hang around today."
Sam gripped the spatula as if she were choking it. Why did he always make a point to exclude Jack when he talked about family? Jack belonged there as much as anyone did.
"Maybe if he has errands to run," Sam said lamely. "But he's probably going to want to see Dad, too."
"He knows your dad?"
"Well, yeah. Just before Dad retired, he sort of worked with Jack and I."
"Something's not adding up here, Sam. If your Dad retired while you were still working at all that top secret stuff, he must be close to eighty! And you can't tell me Jake's that old and still running around doing all that back-water traveling!"
There was no way she could tell Jeff about the Tok'ra or the fact her father wasn't alone in his body. "He retired early," she shrugged. "Jack was only 40 the first time he retired."
"The first time?"
"I told you what happened with his son," she said, nodding in Kelsey's direction, indicating she didn't want to continue this conversation in front of their very impressionable daughter.
"There's still something going on that you haven't told me about," Jeff said, carrying his plate to the sink. "But I guess I should be used to that by now, shouldn't I?" Their gazes locked until Sam turned away.
"Ready for that French toast, Sweetie?"
***
Jack was surprised he beat Sam to the hospital, even though he now lived closer. Usually she'd be waiting in Jon's room when he arrived.
Walking past the nurse's station he jerked a thumb at Jon's door, "Sam in with Jon?"
"Not yet. I was kind of surprised myself," the night nurse said. Sam, Jack and Jeff had become such fixtures at the hospital, they were all on a first name basis with the nursing staff.
"Thanks, Karen. I'm just going to see if he's awake, okay?"
"Sure. I wouldn't be surprised if he is. That kid never seems to sleep."
"Takes after his mom," Jack smiled. He was sure there was all kinds of speculation and rumors about the relationship he had with the Greenfields, considering he was there more than as a concerned friend. No doubt they were aware he was Jon's donor, but had they figured out he was Jon's true father?
It was getting more and more difficult for Jack to step aside and let Jeff be the parent he wished he could be. Especially in light of the change in his relationship with Sam. Lord, but he had a hard time sleeping last night! All he could think of was how wonderful their encounter had been and how he was counting the minutes until he could see her again.
His elation faded as he spotted Jeff walking in with Sam, holding her hand. She looked uncomfortable, especially when she saw him paused outside Jon's door.
"I was surprised I beat you," Jack said, smiling at Sam, nodding to Jeff.
"Jeff wanted to come today, so I got kind of a late start. My father's supposed to be coming today, and Jeff wanted to make sure he saw him."
"'Dad's' coming? When did you hear from him?"
"Well, actually. . ."
"He called while Sam was out last night," Jeff interrupted, glaring at Jack. "I didn't realize you knew Jake."
"Oh, sure, we go way back," Jack said, enjoying the annoyed look on Jeff's face. "Any idea when he might show up? I'd like to see him too."
"Any minute now," they heard Jacob speaking behind them.
"Dad!" Sam cried, running to embrace him.
"How you doing, Kid?" Jacob asked, hugging his daughter back.
"Better now that I've seen you!"
"Jeff," Jacob said, extending his hand to Sam's husband.
"Jack? What are you doing here?" he asked, obviously surprised to see him.
"It's a long story," Jack smiled, giving Jacob a manly hug and a slap on the back. He was more than aware he was being friendlier with Sam's father than her own husband was. "It's good to see you again, Jacob."
"It's good to see you, too. Just a little unexpected. So, can I see my grandson?"
"Sure, why don't we all go say 'hello,' and then you can spend some time with him, okay?" Sam said.
"Maybe you just want to wait out here," Jeff said to Jack, blocking the entrance to Jon's room.
"No, that's okay. I'm sure there's enough space for all of us," Jack said, meeting Jeff's gaze, letting the man know he knew what he wasn't so subtly hinting at.
Jacob looked between the two men, then at Sam, who looked uneasy, but was trying to smooth things over with a cheerful smile.
Jon's face lit up when he saw his visitors. "Grandpa! Dad! Didn't you have to work today? Hi, Mom! Hi Jack!" Everyone burst out laughing at Jon's enthusiasm.
"I'm sorry it's taken me so long to come, Jon," Jacob said, pulling the boy into a hug. "I was on a long trip and just got back."
"Can you tell me about it? Or is it top secret, like the kind of work my mom and Jack used to do?"
Jacob looked over at Sam and Jack. "Hey, they weren't supposed to tell you that! It was top secret!"
"Oh, they didn't tell me much. In fact they *still* won't tell me what they did and it was *years* ago!"
"Well, a good soldier doesn't reveal his secrets," Jacob said, squeezing the boy's shoulder.
"Will you tell me more about when you were in the Air Force, Grandpa? I want to join when I'm old enough!"
Jeff coughed. "Well, that's a long way off, Jon. Besides, I don't know if they'll take you since you've been sick."
Jon's face fell, as if everything he'd ever wanted in life seemed to have suddenly vanished before him. "Is that true?" he asked, looking from his grandfather to his mother to Jack.
"Honey. . . ." Sam started.
"It's a little too soon to start worrying about that, don't ya think, Sport? Who knows what kind of miracle cure they'll have by the time you're ready to join up!" Jack glared at Jeff. How could he do that to his own son? Destroy his dreams like that! He had no idea if the military would accept Jon or not once he grew up. And there were plenty of civilian jobs he could do if he still wanted to be connected to the Air Force!
"Yeah, ya never know," Jon agreed, sullenly. His earlier good mood had now evaporated.
"Ya know what," Jack said, giving Jon a grin. "I think I'm going to let your Grandpa and your mom have some time with you. Your dad and I will come back later, okay?"
"Okay," he agreed. "Just don't go before I get a chance to talk to you!"
"I. . .we won't. See ya later, Sport."
Jack practically dragged Jeff from Jon's room before Jeff had a chance to protest. Shaking off Jack's hand, Jeff turned on him.
"What the hell do you mean dragging me out of *my* son's room?"
"Well, after that little bombshell you just dropped on *my* kid, I wasn't going to let you stick around to do more damage!" Jack shouted.
"What the hell are you talking about? You know yourself that he'll never be fit to join the military!"
"Yeah, but did you have to tell him that? Here? Now? Don't ya think he's got enough to worry about without you telling him he'll never realize his dream?"
"Sam's the one always telling me I shouldn't sugar-coat things for him!"
"But she didn't tell you to go out of your way to hurt him! My, God, Jeff! You see him as your son! How can you keep running his ambitions into the ground?"
"I *am* his father, remember? You were just the sperm donor."
Jack felt the sting of Jeff's words. "So that gives you the right to hurt him? What is it with you and the military, anyway? Sam's said part of the reason you're having problems is. . ."
"She's talking to you about our problems?" Jeff yelled. "You're the *last* person she should be confiding in since *you're* the major source of those problems!"
"Hey, don't go layin' this at my doorstep, Pal!" Jack said, poking him in the chest. "You and Sam where having problems long before I showed up."
"Is that what she told you? Of course she would, to cover up her guilt! If you'd stop giving her all those 'long suffering' looks she probably wouldn't keep turning to you!"
"What are you talking about?"
"Oh, don't play dumb with me, Jack! You think I don't see how you feel about her? How you stare at her as if your heart's going to break? What woman can resist that kind of undying devotion? Especially since she's never gotten over you?"
"She's never said that," Jack replied, hoping to detract Jeff from the truth.
"Did she have to? I only have to see the two of you together to know it isn't over between you. But I've got news for you Jacky-boy. You try to take her from me and you'll regret it. I'll make sure she *never* sees those kids!" Jeff's face was inches from his, and now it was him poking Jack in the chest.
"You wouldn't even try it," Jack growled.
"Try me."
"In the first place, Jon is my biological child. What court do you think is going to give you custody of him?"
"Any of them. *I* raised him. I have as much right to him as Sam. And even if by slim chance you would get custody of Jon, you'd never get Kelsey. And Sam won't allow her kids to be split up. She'll never leave me."
"What makes you think Sam won't get custody of both of them?" Jack countered.
"Having an affair isn't exactly the best way to prove you're a fit parent."
"You have no proof of that," Jack said, hoping by not out-right denying it, he wasn't confirming Jeff's suspicions.
"You're right. I don't have any evidence. At the moment. But you never know when there'll be someone with a camera. If I were you, I'd stick to some *very* public places anytime you have contact with my *wife.*" Jack noticed the door to Jon's room opening, and watched as Jeff sprang away from him as if all they'd been doing was standing in the waiting area.
Did Sam have any idea how low Jeff would stoop to hang on to her? Had he threatened her as well? Or was this little conversation for him alone? Surely Jeff knew he'd tell Sam. Perhaps that's what he was counting on. That he would do his dirty work for him. What kind of a man would put a woman he supposedly loved through that kind of hell? Shouldn't he want what was best for her?
Jack tried to think how he'd handle things if the situation was reversed. If he was married to Sam, but she truly wished to be with Jeff, would he stoop to blackmail to hang onto her? He'd like to think he could let her go, but would he?
Sam looked between Jack and Jeff. He could tell she knew something was up by the expression on her face.
"Everything okay?" she asked, scrutinizing both men.
"Fine," Jeff said.
"Peachy," Jack replied. "I think I'm going to give you guys a little time alone, though, okay?"
"Jack?" Sam questioned.
"I'll be back in a minute," he said giving her a weak smile. He hated that he was giving into Jeff's threats so easily, but he was doing it for Sam. If it had just been about him, he would have punched the guy's lights out, and then started to *really* hurt him. He wouldn't put Sam in that position. He had to tell her, though. Whether it was Jeff's plan all along to expose the night they spent together or something else, Sam had to know what lengths Jeff would go to to keep her. Jack shook his head. Sam had the strength to leave Jonas when he became manipulative. Did she possess the same strength now?
***
Sam watched Jack walk toward the hospital entrance. Something was definitely wrong. Jeff just shrugged his shoulders as if he found Jack's actions peculiar as well, but Sam knew he was the reason Jack left. What had Jeff said to him?
Her thoughts were interrupted by the feel of someone's hand on her shoulder. Looking up, she saw the face of her father, and smiled.
"Hi, Dad. I thought you were talking to Jon."
"I was, but then Jeff came in. I thought I'd give them some time. Besides, I wanted to talk to you."
"Oh?" she asked, wondering if her father had seen her distress over Jack.
"Where'd Jack go?"
"He said he needed some air," she replied.
Jacob laughed. "Sam, it's already a hundred degrees out there! If he wants some air, he should stay in here!"
"You know what I mean," she smiled at him.
"You're worried about him, aren't you?"
Sam sighed. "Am I that obvious or are you and Selmak psychic now?"
"Speaking of Selmak, she wants to say 'hello.' Any place we can go talk that isn't quite so public?"
"Yeah, the cafeteria's usually pretty quiet at this time. Besides, I can get some coffee there."
"Still haven't kicked that habit, huh?" her father asked, following her down the hall.
"It comes with the territory. Ever meet a scientist whose blood wasn't fifty-percent caffeine?"
"No, I suppose you're right," he smiled.
After taking a roll and a huge cup of coffee, Sam headed toward the distant most table in the cafeteria.
"You sure you don't want something?" Sam offered. "I thought for sure Selmak had a sweet tooth."
Jacob's head bent forward, his eyes closing. When he opened them, they had a different look, and his voice had changed.
"Greetings, Samantha. I'm pleased to see you."
"Hello, Selmak. It's been too long since you and my father have visited."
"The Tok'ra have been on the move again. It seems every planet we settle on, some System Lord soon discovers us and we must relocate once more."
"Is that why it took so long for you to come?"
"Yes, regrettably. Communication is sub-standard at best." There was a pause before Selmak added, "And I would love something sweet. Jacob seems to think we should pay more attention to what we eat, but it's so rare we have the opportunity to visit Earth. Your planet has the best desserts!"
Sam couldn't help but smile at Selmak's admission of her weakness for sweets. "I'll get you something, but not something so bad that Dad objects, all right?"
"He says he won't fight me on it since he has to 'pacify' me to keep quiet while he's here."
Sam smiled again as she rose to purchase a pastry. If anyone deserved Selmak's stubbornness, it was her father. When she returned, Selmak told her more of the Tok'ra, and of the acquaintances Sam knew among their ranks.
Selmak was in the middle of a story when she stopped suddenly. "I'm sorry, Samantha, but I shall have to finish my tale later. Your father seems most insistent to talk to you."
Again Sam witnessed the transition from symbiot to host, waiting for her father to speak.
"Dad? What's so urgent?"
"It's not like it's life or death or anything," he said. "But you know how 'chatty' Selmak gets sometimes, and there was something I wanted to ask you about."
Sam felt her palms begin to perspire. He was going to ask about Jack, she knew it.
"What is it?"
"Why's Jack here? After all this time?"
"Well, like I explained in Jon's room, he needed a donor and. . ."
"I got that part. You know I know, don't you?" he said.
"Know what?" she asked, feigning ignorance.
"That Jack is his father."
Sam just stared at him, unsure what to say.
"Sammy, you think I didn't know the reason why you left the SGC? I can add same as anyone else. The months didn't add up for Jeff to be Jon's father. Besides the other things, like you naming him 'Jon,' short for 'Jonathan.' Or how the older he gets, the more he looks like Jack. It's pretty obvious even to a casual observer, let alone someone who knows you like I do."
Sam felt tears welling up in her eyes. "I'm sorry, Dad. I didn't mean to lie to you, I guess I just left out some bits of the truth. You must be so ashamed of me. Sleeping with my C.O."
Jacob reached across the table, covering his daughter's hand with his own. "Sam, of course I'm not ashamed of you! I admit, your judgment could have been a little better, but I could never be ashamed or disappointed in you! You're my little girl, and I love you, I always will."
Sam's restrained tears broke free at her father's words. "I love you, too, Dad. But I know I let you down and I feel *so* bad about that."
Jacob squeezed Sam's hand. "Do you love him?"
"Jack?" she asked, unsure if she should "come clean" with her father.
"Yes, Jack! Who else we talking about here?" Jacob smiled.
Sam took a deep breath. "Yeah, Dad. I do. I mean I thought I was over him, I really did. If I didn't I never would have married Jeff, but seeing him again, after all this time. . . ."
"Brought back all those old feelings, didn't it?"
"Yeah," she said, exhaling.
"He feel the same way?"
Sam toyed with her cup of coffee. "I think so. No. I know he does. It's just that we both know it's just as wrong now, as it was then." She stole a glance at her father, looking of any sign of censure. "I mean before it was regulations, and now it's marriage vows."
Jacob sat back in his chair. "It's a tough spot all right."
Sam watched her father as he sorted through the information she'd just given him.
"What about Jeff? How do you feel about him?"
Taking a sip of coffee, Sam tried to analyze how she *did* feel about her husband. "He's a wonderful father. He really loves the kids. He's never treated Jon any differently because he's not his biological son."
"I didn't ask you that. I can see he cares for them. I'm asking how *you* feel about him."
"Guilty, mostly," Sam confessed. "I mean he's the ideal husband, most of the time, and I just don't love him. He's done so much for me. How can I be so selfish to take all he gives and not return any of his affection?"
"Sammy, we can't choose who we love," Jacob said, leaning forward once more. "I don't think you set out to fall in love with Jack."
Sam gave an almost humorless laugh. "No, that certainly wasn't my intention. It's not like I woke up one day and decided today was the day I was going to ruin my career. It just . . .happened. I didn't even realize I was falling for him until it was too late."
"So, what are you going to do?"
Sam buried her face in her hands. "I don't know what to do, Dad! I know Jeff thinks all our troubles started when Jack showed up, but I haven't been happy for years. You know, even after Kelsey was born I thought I could make things work with him because I genuinely liked and respected him, but soon after that. . . ."
"What happened?" Jacob asked.
"We were at a party at his parents house. Some holiday I think because his brother and sister were there. At any rate, Jon made some comment to his cousins about me being involved in Desert Storm, and all hell broke loose. His family all looked at me like I'd suddenly grown a second head or something. I've never kept my public military record a secret, so I thought for sure *somewhere* along the line Jeff must have mentioned it to them. I mean I would have thought it would have come up at the wedding, if nothing else, when they met you and found out you were an ex-General.
"Well he laughed it off, and we left soon after that. We got into this big fight and he more or less gave me the impression he was ashamed of my having been in the Air Force. It's so much of a part of who I was, who I *am* that I don't think he could have hurt me more if he'd tried. At first I tried to ignore it, thinking he'd had a bad day or something. But when he forbid me to talk about it with his family, or his friends, that was the last straw. I even went so far as to see a lawyer about a divorce. Then Jon got sick and he was the 'concerned husband and father' again, and all this guilt came back. I just don't know what I should do now."
"Sam, life is short. Well, yours is anyway," Jacob laughed, producing a smile from Sam. "What I'm trying to say is, don't stay with Jeff out of some mis-guided sense of duty, or that you 'owe' him for marrying you when you were pregnant with another man's child. Granted, it was pretty generous of him, but you don't owe him your life because of it. You have to do what makes *you* happy. And if that's Jack. . . ."
Sam wiped away the tear that managed to slip from her eye. "He'll fight me on it, Dad. He'll use the kids to try to get me to stay."
"Then fight him back! You have just as much right to them as he does! Maybe more since Jon isn't his true son. I know you, Sam. Loyalty is one of the qualities I admire the most in you, but sometimes that loyalty can be misplaced. Don't stay with him because it's expected of you. Do what you have to do to be happy, okay?"
Sam moved her hand over her cheek, taking another drop of moisture with it, then flashed him a smile. "I never thought I'd hear you telling me to divorce my husband."
"I didn't say that. But if that's what it takes to make those blue eyes shine again, then I'm all for it."
Sam stood, crossing over to Jacob, giving him a hug. "Thanks, Dad. It means a lot to know I have your support."
"Well, Selmak had a hand in this too. Damn, but the old girl has mellowed me!"
"Bet you never counted on that when you signed on to be a Tok'ra, did you?"
"Like I was given a full briefing!" he teased her. "One minute I'm dying in a hospital bed and the next I'm swallowing a snake!" Jacob made a face.
"Dad?"
"Oh, Selmak just tweaked some nerves. Apparently she took offense to the term 'snake.'"
Sam covered her mouth with her hand to hide her smile. "I can see there's never a dull moment with you two."
Jacob rolled his eyes. "You got that right."
"I really should get back to Jon," Sam said. "The doctor's are going to re-evaluate him this morning, and I want to be there. Are you coming?"
"In a minute. There's someone else I need to see first."
Sam didn't have to ask to know he was going to seek out Jack. "He's probably at the main entrance," she told him.
"You're pretty sharp, Kid."
"And you're pretty transparent," she said, kissing him on the cheek. "See you later?"
"I'll be there as soon as I can."
"Thanks again, Dad. For everything."
***
Jack paced outside the entrance to the hospital. It was really hot out. Why the hell didn't he either go back inside or find some shade? Or why not leave altogether? Because he wouldn't give the bastard the satisfaction of thinking he'd driven him away.
Jack's fists were clenched, still fuming over the threat Jeff had just made toward him and Sam. Boy, if he ever got the chance he'd. . . ."
"Jack?"
He turned around to see Jacob standing in the doorway of the hospital.
"Sam said I might find you here."
"She send you?"
"No, it was my idea, but she had a pretty good notion of where I'd find you."
"Guess she still knows me pretty well after all these years," Jack grinned, trying to make light of the situation. He shaded his eyes, looking at Jacob. What kind of 'fatherly' chat had he come for? To warn him to stay away from his daughter?
"Wanna go inside? It's pretty hot out here."
"Feels like home," Jacob smiled, reminding Jack of the types of worlds the Tok'ra seemed to prefer. Sand, heat and more sand. "Should we have a seat on the bench over there?" Jacob asked, motioning toward a grassy area between parking lots. Once settled, Jacob started with small talk.
"So, how've you been, Jack? It's been what, five years since I've seen you?"
"About that. Things are okay, I guess."
"You don't sound so okay."
"Well, I suppose I thought by the third time I retired I'd have the hang of it, but I guess I still don't."
"Pretty boring when you don't have someone to share it with, isn't it?"
Jack's head shot up at Jacob's words. What was he getting at? "I suppose that's true," he said, cautiously.
"Jack, I just had a talk with Sam. I know all about Jon and how she feels about you. Not that I didn't have my suspicions about Jon before," Jacob added.
Jack was flabbergasted. How did he respond to an opening like that? And Hammond used to think *he* was to-the-point?
"I'll tell you what I told Sam. You can't choose who you fall in love with. I've never felt any differently towards you or Sam because of what happened years ago. Although, it would have been better if at least one of you hadn't been in the military at the time," he joked.
"Sir, I don't know what to say, it was just the once and. . . "
Jacob clapped Jack on the back, squeezing his shoulder. "Once is all it takes. I don't need to know the circumstances. I knew you cared about Sam before this must have happened, and I know she cared about you. I'm just sorry you couldn't have settled things."
"I am too. I'm the one who's at fault. Sam tried to talk to me but I didn't want to hear it."
"I'm not here to assign blame, Jack. Maybe this is the way things had to be. Maybe you needed this time apart to realize what you meant to each other."
"When did you become so philosophical?" Jack asked, ducking his head to hide his grin.
"Oh, about the time I became acquainted with Selmak. I'm telling you, sometimes it gets damn annoying, this 'warm fuzzy side.' Don't know that I'd make much of a General these days." Jacob joined Jack in grinning. "All that aside, I just want to ask you one thing."
Jack looked up into Jacob's face, which was now serious. "Do you love her?"
Jack didn't hesitate. "Yes, sir, I do." Even though Jack retired at the same rank as Sam's father, there was just something about Jacob that still demanded that level of respect.
"So, what happens next?" Jacob asked.
"I'm not sure. I guess the next move it up to Sam. I think she knows I want her to be with me."
"Did you tell her that?"
"Well, not exactly. I guess I just figured she knew."
Jacob was silent for a moment, his head bent as Selmak came forward. "Greetings, Jack O'Neill."
"Hi Selmak. I was wonderin' if you were going to put in an appearance."
"Jacob tried to keep me quiet, but I told him I thought I was better equipped to discuss this with you."
"Is there anything to discuss? I already told him how I feel about Sam."
"But you haven't told her," Selmak insisted.
"I told her I loved her!" Jack cried defensively, realizing he raised his voice above a conversational level.
"Have you told her what you expect from the future?"
"Well, no. I was tryin' not to put any pressure on her. I mean she's got enough going on right now."
Selmak nodded Jacob's head. "It would appear that way, but we both believe that if you told Samantha of your interest in something more permanent, it might give her the strength to take the steps necessary for the two of you to be together."
Jack raised his eyebrows and shrugged. Well, maybe she *didn't* realize he'd do anything to be with her forever.
"I'll talk to her," he promised.
"Good. Jacob seems most anxious to speak with you again, so I shall take my leave. Be well, O'Neill."
"You too, Selmak." No matter how often Jack dealt with Jacob or the other Tok'ra, he'd never get used to the duality.
"At least I caught her before she started lecturing you on the rest of your life," Jacob smiled.
"She's right. I *do* need to talk to Sam. I just don't think this is the time or place. Especially with Mr. Personality Plus in there. She say anything to you about his attitude about the military?"
"Yes, she did, as a matter of fact. I take it that's why you dragged him out of Jon's room earlier?"
"Yeah. What's up with that? He seems to go out of his way to discourage any interest Jon has in joining the Air Force. He's just a kid! He's gonna change his mind a million times before he's grown about what he wants to do. What's wrong with going along with it for now? And it's not such a bad life!"
Jacob put his hand on Jack's shoulder again. "I can't say I understand it myself, but his whole family seems to have the same attitude. I wore my uniform to Sam's wedding when I gave her away, and you should have seen the looks they were all giving me, like I was the Devil incarnate or something. Sam tried to tell me it was just his mother being upset that I didn't match the wedding party for the photos, but I knew it was more than that. I always thought they were kind of a strange bunch," he confided. "Even Selmak didn't care for them and she doesn't dislike many people."
"Is that why you're so accepting about Sam and me?" Jack asked.
Jacob sighed. "Well, I suppose that's entering into it, on some level, but if she were truly happy with Jeff I wouldn't be pushing her at you."
"If I thought she was really happy with him I might have found the strength to go back to Colorado Springs, and try to forget her. Not that I'd succeed of course."
Jacob stood. "She has a way of wrapping around your heart, doesn't she? And it's not just because she's my kid. The rest of the Tok'ra like her as well, and it has nothing to do with her having been a host to Jolinar."
Jack simply nodded, joining Jacob in walking back towards the hospital. He was going to find a way to show Sam how much she meant to him, threats or not from her husband.
***
Sam was about to have Jack and her father paged, when she saw them strolling down the corridor together, laughing and talking like old friends. Sam couldn't help the smile that formed on her face. It was so good to see her father and Jack together, she thought her heart would break. Jacob had never had that kind of rapport with Jeff, and she didn't know how much she missed it until she saw him with Jack.
Sam was startled from her daydream by the feel of Jeff's arm sliding around her waist.
"Dr. Wendel wants to talk to us now."
"Okay, we'll be there in just a minute," she said, turning to greet the arriving men.
"I suppose you would want O'Neill there," he said, releasing her, leaving Sam with a stunned expression on her face.
"Sammy? Everything okay?" Jacob asked.
"Uh, yeah. It's nothing. You want to join us? The doctor's going to give us an update on Jon."
"Of course we do, right Jack?"
"Couldn't keep me away," he smiled reassuringly at Sam. Jacob went first and Jack held Sam back for a moment.
"We need to talk," he said, surreptitiously sliding his hand into hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. Just that small touch made her feel so much better, she felt herself grinning at Jack, despite the hurt she'd felt at Jeff's actions and words.
"I know. After we talk to the doctor?"
"First chance we get," he whispered into her ear, just before walking into Jon's room, moving apart as they entered.
"You're a popular young man," Dr. Wendel smiled, as she looked at the gathering crowd in the room.
"This is my father, Jacob Carter," Sam introduced. "I think you know everyone else."
"Yes, I do," the doctor smiled. "Nice to see you all again. Especially since I have some good news."
Jack and Sam exchanged glances and then, almost as an afterthought, Sam looked at Jeff who hadn't missed he was second on her list.
"Jon, you've shown remarkable improvement, especially these last few days, and if it keeps up, I think we can see about releasing you at the end of the week."
"Really?! I can go home?"
"It's a strong possibility," the doctor smiled. Sam knew Dr. Wendel wouldn't have told Jon he could leave if she wasn't confident she'd be able to release him. Tears of relief began to fill her eyes as she thought about bringing her son home. But then another thought came to her mind. If she didn't come to St. Paul to the hospital, what excuse would she have to see Jack? She was torn over the elation at her son's improvement and the thought she would have to sneak away if she wanted to see Jack. Surely there'd be check-ups, wouldn't there? Perhaps she could see him then.
Looking over at Jeff, she noted the smug look on his face. He too realized what Jon's release meant, and looked as if he'd just won some major battle.
"Hey, that's good news, isn't it, Buddy?" Jack said, mock-punching Jon in the arm.
"Maybe we can go to that park you were talking about," Jon said excitedly.
"You can't be running around like you used to," Jeff said, rubbing the opposite arm Jack had touched. "It's still going to take some time to build your strength up."
"Your father's right, Jon. Just because you'll be at home doesn't mean you aren't going to have to watch it." Dr. Wendel said, looking up at Jack and smiling. "But there's no reason he can't go to the park if he takes it easy. In fact, getting some fresh air would probably be the best thing for him. He's going to have to start working on building up his immunity."
"Does this mean I can see Kelsey again?" Jon asked.
"That's what it means," Jeff said. "I know she's missed you! Hasn't she, Sam?"
Sam had been looking at Jack when Jeff brought her back into the conversation.
"Yeah, she sure has," she said, moving closer to the bed, standing next to Jeff. "We all can't wait until you're back home with us again." Sam turned to Jeff, giving him a weak smile, hoping Jon didn't pick up on the tension between them. It was the last thing he needed right now.
Jack left as Jeff and Sam made plans for Jon's homecoming. Sam watched him leave, wishing she could join him, but she couldn't go without arousing suspicions. Jacob stayed a little longer, but soon joined Jack in the waiting area.
Sam was surprised how uneasy she felt being left in the room with Jeff. Perhaps they hadn't gotten a long the best recently, but she never felt this uncomfortable around him before. Now it was all she could do to stand there and smile. Of course she was elated Jon was coming home, but to what kind of home was he going to be returning?
Fortunately, a nurse arrived to conduct some tests, giving Sam the opportunity to escape the small room. She couldn't believe she was actually starting to feel claustrophobic around Jeff!
Sam took a deep breath, closing her eyes as she entered the corridor, tensing as she felt Jeff's hand on her back.
Looking at his watch he smiled apologetically at her. "You know, Honey, I think maybe I'll go into work. I can still get in about a half a day. I think Jon's got enough visitors to keep him company."
This time Sam's smile wasn't forced. "I think that's a good idea. As long as Dad and Jack are here, I might go get Kelsey early, too. I'm sure she'd like to help me get things ready for Jon's return home."
"Sounds good," he said, making a point of kissing her soundly good-bye. Sam tried not to stiffen in his arms, but wasn't very successful.
"See you later," she said, sighing with relief as he walked down the hallway.
Jacob and Jack exchanged glances before Jacob coughed. "Well, I think I'll leave you two alone for a minute," he said, standing. "Selmak said something about wanting some brownies, I think."
Sam grinned at her father. "Thanks, Dad."
Once they were alone, Jack took her hands. "Alone at last," he smiled.
"Yeah, with a hospital staff of about fifty," she said. "Oh, Jack. I didn't think it was going to be this hard. I mean we spent one night together, now everything seems to have changed. Just like before," she added wryly.
"Only this time you're not leaving, and we're going to talk about it," he stated firmly. "Come on," he said, pulling Sam to her feet. "We need some privacy."
"Jack! I can't. . . ."
"We're not going far," he said, spying a janitorial closet half-way down the hall. Looking around, he opened the door and quickly pulled her inside, crushing her against him in the confines of the small room.
"I've always wanted to do this," he grinned, pulling her closer and kissing her.
"What, kiss me amongst a bunch of mops?"
"No, pull you into some supply room and ravish you," he said, trailing kisses down her throat. "God, I missed you!"
"Jack, it hasn't even been twelve hours since I left your apartment!"
"I know, but I missed you the minute you left."
Sam moved her mouth to cover his. It was a few moments before she breathlessly answered, "I missed you too. And now Jon's coming home. How am I going to get through my days without seeing you?"
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about," he said, kissing her once more. He pulled away, sighing. "Much as I'd like to continue this, we really *do* need to discuss some things, and it wouldn't look too good gettin' caught necking in a janitor's closet."
Sam pulled away slightly, keeping her hands on Jack's shoulders as his remained on her hips. "You're right," she said. "It's just hard not to get carried away, especially when I have you alone like this," she smiled.
Jack kissed her nose, then took a deep breath. "Sam, I want you to leave Jeff."
Sam was taken aback. It was one thing for *her* to think about leaving him, but it was another to have Jack tell her she should end her relationship with him.
"I'm not trying to tell you what to do," Jack hurriedly added. He must have seen the anger starting to form when he looked into her eyes. "It's just that I want you with me. I can't imagine my life without you. I can't go back to living without you. I love you, Sam."
Sam threw herself into his arms, hugging him tightly. "Oh, Jack, I love you too, you know that! But I don't see how we could make this work! You know Jeff's not going to let me go without a fight. You've seen that."
"Yeah, I experienced it first hand today," he said.
"What do you mean?"
"When you and your dad were in with Jon, Jeff decided to have a little 'heart-to-heart' with me."
"What did he say?" she asked, worried at what kind of threats he might have issued to Jack.
"Basically, he told me he was going to fight for the kids, like you said. He knows it's all he has to hang onto you."
"I knew that's what he'd do," she sighed, feeling Jack's arms tighten around her.
"That's not all," he said, pulling back from her to look in her eyes. "I think he's having us followed, or is going to, anyway."
"Did he tell you that?" she asked, worry creeping into her voice.
"He said if we have any contact, we should stick to some very public places. He mentioned a camera. I don't think closets in a hospital would be considered 'public,'" he added, trying to lighten the impact of the news.
Sam shook her head. "He's been acting pretty strange lately, but I never would have thought he'd be capable of something like this!"
"What do you mean by 'strange?' You mean the ol' Jekell and Hyde routine isn't normal for him?"
"Do you really think I could marry a man like that after Jonas?" she asked, surprised he would think she'd marry just anyone to have a man in her life.
Jack shrugged. "Well, ya had the baby comin' and all, I don't know how you were feeling at the time."
"Well I wasn't desperate, if that's what you mean," Sam said, moving out of his reach.
"I didn't say you were," Jack said, running a hand through his hair. "Look, Sam, I don't want to argue with you. I believe you if you say he hasn't always been like this. But something must have sent him over the edge."
"Now that I think of it, it was about the time all the stuff about me being in the Air Force came out. He'd get all snide about me being in the service and then seconds later being all apologetic. It just seems like lately, it's gotten worse. Since you showed up, and it's not just the jealousy thing. Maybe he needs to be on Prozac or something," she laughed bitterly. "I guess I never really linked the two things together. I supposed I was so wrapped up in how angry and hurt I was over his attitude, I didn't notice him changing his temperament mid-stream. I guess I thought he was just remorseful that he'd said something to hurt me, and he was trying to make up for it."
"But what would his family finding out about you being in the Air Force have to do with any of that?" Jack asked. "Even if the guy thought it was kind of a 'butch' role for a woman, I don't think he'd suddenly start treating you any different just because his folks knew about it."
"And it's not like Jeff didn't know," Sam agreed. "We didn't talk about it much, and at the time I was grateful, because all I wanted to do was forget I'd had that life. I suppose that's why Jeff didn't show his 'true colors' at the beginning. Because I was trying to forget being in the military as much as he was. I suppose, though, when I started telling Jon about being in Desert Storm, I sounded like I was 'homesick' for my old career. In a way, I guess I was. It wasn't that I wasn't happy with my job at GenTech, it's just that there wasn't the daily challenge like there was at the SGC. I guess subconsciously I was missing you and the rest of the team as well. It's probably why I started telling Jon about being in the Air Force in the first place."
"There's still something not right here," Jack said. "From the way you describe it, it's almost like he was disgusted by the thought of you having been involved with the military. Like they all feel that way."
"I know. That's what's so damn frustrating. I'm proud of my service record, and they treat me like dirt because of it. I just don't get it," she shrugged.
"Have you ever asked him about it?"
"Yeah, after that first big fight I asked him what the deal was. I was trying to find some rationale for his behavior. For all of their behavior, but he brushed it off like he always does, claiming I 'over react' to everything."
Jack burst out laughing. "You're kidding, right? Sam you're the least 'over-reactive' person I know!"
Sam shrugged again. "I never thought I was over-emotional, but he made me feel like I was. Like maybe I *was* making a big deal out of nothing. I guess that's why I tried to ignore how unhappy I was, but it just seemed to get worse. That's when I went to see the lawyers. I never said anything to Jeff, but he must have found out about it."
"Why do you say that?"
Sam's face lit up as if she'd just had a revelation. "I wonder if he was having me followed even then! I never thought about it, but right after that is when he started pouring on the charm, romancing me like we were dating again. I thought he just sensed something was wrong, I never thought he might have someone watching me!"
"So that would mean. . . ."
"That he was having me followed yesterday. And last night." Sam's face paled. "Oh, God, Jack! No wonder he was asking me all those loaded questions when I got home! He knew!" Sam buried her face in her hands. "I didn't want to sleep in the same bed with him," she confessed. "I was on the couch when he insisted I come to the bedroom with him. I didn't have any excuse not to," she said, looking at him, hoping he'd understand.
"I didn't want him to touch me. Not after being with you. That's when he got nasty."
"He didn't hurt you?!" Jack cried, his fists clenching.
"No, but he's been in a bad mood since. Especially since I refused him. I'm not sure what he'll do next."
Jack pulled her close. "Stay with me. I won't let him hurt you."
"Jack," she sighed. "You know I can't do that. As much as I want to. What about Kelsey? And Jon will be coming home soon. I can't leave now."
"So, you're just going to go home with him, pretend nothing's wrong and play the dutifully little suburban housewife?"
"You think that's what I want? I have to think of Jon! And of Kelsey and what's best for them! If it was just me. . . ."
"If it was just you, what?" he pressed.
"I'd be with you in a heartbeat. But I have to think about my family!"
"I know," Jack said, releasing his breath. "Will you at least think about a divorce? If you really want to stay with him, Sam, I promise I won't make any trouble. But I don't think you want to. Don't stay with him just because you think it's your duty."
Sam looked up at him, surprised at how Jack echoed her father's words. Placing her palm on his cheek, she nodded. "I'll think about it. I promise."
Jack leaned in and kissed her. "That's all I ask." Sam was beginning to really enjoy her exploration of Jack's mouth when he pulled back once more.
"We better go before someone misses us," he said
"Or we can't stop this," she said, capturing his lips once more.
"Sam, please! I'm only human!" he smiled, pushing back on her shoulders, giving her a look that said he'd rather do anything than stop. With that reassurance, Sam was able to get her emotions under control as she straightened her clothes. Now all they had to do was escape the janitor's closet without being detected. Hopefully she hadn't forgotten all her military training.
***
By the time Sunday arrived, Sam was nearly exhausted. Between the preparations for Jon's homecoming, there was the verbal clashes she continued to have with Jeff. They were having a small party to welcome Jon home, and she insisted Jack be there. Sam was in the middle of cleaning the bathroom when Jeff decided it was time for their latest round of arguments.
"Look, Sam," he started out rather diplomatically, "is it really necessary that O'Neill be here? I appreciate what the guy did, but this is supposed to be just *family.* Mom and Dad, Mike, Cindy and their families. He's going to feel out of place."
"Jon wants him here," Sam said, brushing her sweat-dampened hair out of her face with the back of her hand. "He specifically invited him. I'm not going to go back to Jack and tell him he can't come." Actually, Sam prayed Jack wouldn't back out. She needed some emotional support to face a room full of disapproving Greenfields.
Jeff leaned against the vanity Sam had just cleaned, placing a muddy hand print on the shiny tile, earning him an angry look. He was just so oblivious to some things she wanted to scream.
"Jeff! I just cleaned that! You've got a sink in your work shed! Why the hell can't you use it?"
"See, Sam? This is what I mean. Him coming over here has got you all worked up."
Sam almost did a double take. What did Jack's attendence have anything to do with him messing up the bathroom she'd just cleaned?
"He's coming," she stated with finality, wiping the counter and sink off once more. "You don't have to talk to him, and you don't have to like it, but he *is* coming! He saved our son's life! I'm not going to exclude him!" Sam brushed past him, effectively ending their latest argument.
Walking into the bedroom she slammed the door, locking it behind her. *Just let him leave me alone for five minutes!* she silently prayed. Ever since her father had shown up, and Jeff had had his little "chat" with Jack, Jeff barely left her side. Whether it was to prevent her from having contact with Jack or just to drive her insane, Sam didn't know. All she knew was she couldn't take much more of it. Jon was going to need even more attention now that he was coming home and she couldn't deal with three children at the moment.
Stepping into the shower, Sam quickly washed the house-cleaning grime from her body. Allowing her mind to drift, Sam daydreamed she was sharing her shower with Jack. She hadn't seen him alone since the day he dragged her into the closet at the hospital, and she missed him. It was probably more for her sake than Jon's she insisted on Jack's attendance.
Hearing someone in the outer room, she turned off the spray. Damn. He'd found the universal key to the household doors. She'd have to hide it better next time. Sam sighed as she quickly dried off, hating to enter their bedroom naked with him standing there. She hadn't thought to bring her clothes with her, assuming the locked door would keep him out. Wrapping a towel around herself, she walked into the bedroom.
"Honey, you locked the door by mistake," he said, smiling.
"It wasn't a mistake, Jeff. I wanted some privacy. It's been a long week and I wanted a few minutes alone before your entire family descended on us, okay? So, if you'll just give me a little time, I'll be out in a minute."
Jeff remained rooted to the spot, causing Sam to place her hands on her hips, staring at him.
"Well?"
"Well what? You can get dressed. I've seen it all before."
Sam blushed. Just because he'd 'seen it all before' didn't mean she wanted him to see it all now.
"Please, Jeff, would you leave?"
"No."
"No?"
"I miss you, Sam," he said, slowly advancing towards her. "I miss what we used to have, before O'Neill came. We can have it again."
Sam started to panic, looking around for some sort of weapon should he decide to get violent. She'd never worried he'd try to hurt her before, but she'd never seen this look in his eyes.
"You're parents will be here any minute," she tried to reason with him.
"We have time," he said, still moving forward.
"I have to see what Kelsey's up to," she said. "I haven't checked on her in a while."
"She's fine, playing with her dolls."
"Jeff! I've still got work to do!"
"It'll wait," he said, grabbing her by the arm so hard she cried out in pain.
"Jeff! You're hurting me!"
"And you don't think seeing you moon over O'Neill isn't hurting me? You'll see, Sam. I can love you as well as he can. Better." He ripped away her towel, pushing her onto the bed.
"Please, Jeff," she begged, tears starting to roll down her cheeks. "Don't do this. I'll never forgive you!"
"I forgave you," he said, making as "tsking" noise he wagged his finger at her. "Sleeping around with you C.O., oops, *former* C.O. isn't a good thing for a married woman, you know. But I suppose you can't help being a slut, can you? It comes with the military territory, doesn't it? Did you sleep with Daniel, and that Teal'c guy too? I wouldn't be surprised if Jon isn't Jack's son either, except for the fact he looks so much like him. Luck of the draw, I guess, huh?"
He really had found out about the night she spent with Jack! He must have followed through on his threat to have them followed.
Sam slapped his face so hard she almost knocked him off of her. "You're a bastard!"
"No, that would be our son," he said, matter-of-factly. "Until I made an honest woman out of you, of course."
Sam was crying again. "How can you say such horrible things about Jon? Hate me all you want, but he's your son!"
"He used to be my son. Now you've made it clear you want Daddy Dearest to step into those shoes. I won't let him go. Or you either. If you make a move to leave me," he said, trailing a hand down her throat, "I'll remove the reason. I'll kill him."
Sam gasped. "You wouldn't!"
"Try me, Sam. I know all about accidents."
Sam started to struggle against him again, as Jeff held her forcibly to the bed, lowering his head, giving her a brutal kiss, prompting her to bite his lower lip.
"You bitch!" he cried, wiping the blood away from his mouth. Sam winced, waiting for him to strike her.
"No, Sam, I won't hit you. I couldn't mar that perfect, lying face, now could I?"
Just then the doorbell rang. Thank God Ellen and Darrell were punctual! "That's probably your parents," Sam croaked out.
"Saved by the bell, eh, Sammy? Trust me. We'll continue this later." Jeff climbed off her, straightening his clothes. "Oh, and wear a dress, okay? I like it when you look pretty. It almost makes me forget you were a soldier."
Sam lay on the bed for a few minutes, just shaking. In all the years she'd known Jeff, she never thought him capable of physical violence. They'd certainly had their share of verbal battles, but he'd never man-handled her. If he tried anything again, she'd be ready for him. Her hand-to-hand combat skill might be a little rusty, but she remembered the basics. She was more concerned about the threats Jeff had leveled toward Jack. Not that he couldn't take care of himself as well, but if Jeff wanted to hurt him, he'd find a way.
Sam got up slowly, crossing to the bathroom to splash some cold water on her face, hoping to mask the fact she'd been crying. She didn't need Ellen asking her any questions right now. She looked down at her arms and the bruises that were starting to form. It hurt when she raised her arms, but it was nothing she couldn't handle.
Looking over her wardrobe, Sam by-passed the dress she'd planned on wearing initially to please Jeff, and pulled out a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved shirt. It wouldn't do to have everyone see the bruises Jeff had left on her arms.
***
Sam heard Jeff greeting his family as she quickly dressed, and dried her hair. She wasn't looking forward to facing them all. Especially in light of what just happened. If the incident came out, regardless of who initiated it, she was sure the entire lot of the Greenfields would blame her. She was the outside element. Jon and herself. She'd never been more aware of it than she was today.
Stepping out into the living room, Sam pasted on a big smile. "Ellen! Darrell! I'm so glad you could come!"
"Hello, Samantha," the short, graying woman said, hugging her briefly. She was impeccably dressed as usual, giving Sam a slightly disapproving look as her gaze swept over her casual outfit.
"Darrell, it's good to see you again. I guess we kept missing each other at the hospital," she said, embracing him as well. Except for his height, Jeff took more after his mother than his father.
"Mike and Cheryl said to tell you they're running a bit late and Cindy and Tom had to drop Tom's daughter off at the girl's mother's. Honestly, this custody business is ridiculous. It can't be healthy for the children," Ellen said.
"It's better than living in a home where there is no love," Sam said, purposely looking at Jeff.
"Yes, well, at least that's *one* thing you don't have to worry about, isn't it dear? Jeff is such a loving man. So generous, especially about Jon. Where is he, by the way?"
"Jack's bringing him."
"You didn't even pick him up yourself?" Ellen asked, disapproval lacing her voice.
"Jack lives about ten minutes from the hospital," Sam said, offering Jeff's parents a seat. "It seemed kind of silly to drive all the way over there when he was coming anyway. Besides, Jon and Jack have become very close. Jon was excited Jack was picking him up."
"Oh, so Jack will be joining us, then?" Ellen said, again her tone sounding objectionable, as she looked up at her son.
"Yes, Mother, he'll be here today. Jon invited him."
"Well, isn't it nice that they've become better acquainted," Ellen smiled insincerely.
"Jon's rather taken with him, actually," Jeff said, his hand squeezing Sam's shoulder, almost to the point of pain. "All I ever hear from him these days is 'Jack this, and Jack that.'"
"You're so understanding," Ellen said, casting a loving glance at her son. "You don't know how fortunate you are, Samantha."
Sam couldn't take much more of Ellen's pointed comments and excused herself to check on dinner. Once in the kitchen, she took a deep breath, feeling some measure of relief at being alone, even if it was just for a moment. She couldn't wait for Jeff's brother and sister to arrive with their spouses. At least with Cheryl and Tom she had a little "back-up" against the Greenfields. She remembered one Christmas how she'd had a little too much to drink and confided in Cheryl how difficult she was finding it trying to fit into the "old guard" of the Greenfield family. Cheryl echoed her sentiments and they'd been allies ever since.
Staring out the window, she saw Mike and Cheryl's van pull up and their three children tumble out, racing each other for the door. Kelsey greeted them even before they entered the house, pulling them around to the back yard. Sam opened the door with a smile.
"It's good to see you," she said, truly happy the reinforcements had arrived. Mike moved past her to talk to his parents, and Cheryl simply waved to them as she turned to Sam.
"How's it going?"
"You know, Ellen's being Ellen."
The tall brunette nodded knowingly. "I'm glad it's your house today and not mine," she said. "I have a heart attack whenever they drop by unannounced. My house will *never* be clean enough for her."
Sam smiled with understanding.
"So, where's Jon? And this Jack I've heard about?"
"You've heard about Jack?" Sam asked, wondering what Jeff's family had been saying about him.
"Just that he's an old friend of yours who was a match for Jon's transplant. I tried to get more out of the old girl, but she doesn't like to talk about it. Cindy hasn't been very forthcoming either. Or Mike. I was hoping I'd get a chance to meet him."
"You will. He's bringing Jon from the hospital."
"Really? I would have thought you or Jeff would have wanted to do that." Sam once more explained the logic of Jack bringing him, and Cheryl agreed.
"So, he's living in the Cities, then?"
"Well, he's got a house in Colorado Springs, but he took an apartment in St. Paul so he could be close by while Jon was in the hospital."
"Wow," Cheryl said. "That's some friend."
Sam didn't miss the implication behind her words. "Actually, he and Jon have become quite close," she said, hoping to deflect Cheryl's train of thought.
"Oh look. Cindy and Tom are here. Looks like all were waiting for is Jon," Cheryl said. "I'm surprised Ellen ever forgave Cindy for marrying a divorced man with a child. It's so 'improper,'" she laughed.
Sam tried to subdue her smile, as Cheryl enunciated "improper" just as Ellen would have.
"Yes, she certainly has to keep up appearances, doesn't she?" Sam said. "I would have been perfectly happy to live anywhere in the city, but Ellen insisted Greenfields have *always* lived in Edina."
"I'm kind of partial to Roseville, myself, but you know Mike, he would never disagree with what his mother thinks. At least Cindy has a bit of the rebel in her."
A very pregnant Cindy entered the living room with Tom gently supporting her. It reminded Sam of how attentive Jeff used to be, especially when she was pregnant with Kelsey. Everyone exchanged greetings, making small talk as they waited for Jack and Jon to arrive. As time dragged on, it was evident Ellen was getting impatient.
"He certainly isn't very punctual, is he?" she said, staring at Sam, as if it were her fault Jack was late.
"Traffic was a bear," Cindy said. "He's probably stuck on the expressway somewhere."
"You're so forgiving, dear," Ellen said, patting her daughter's hand.
"And you know how hospital administrations are, they probably can't get the details of his release straight," Tom added.
Everyone smiled politely, but conversation had ground to a halt. Even though they were family, it seemed they'd run out of conversation.
Ellen fiddled with her necklace. "Well, at this rate we could have gone to church. You know how I hate to miss it."
*Yeah, the entire spiritual community is going to wither and die because you missed making one entrance, isn't it?* Sam thought bitterly.
"Samantha, I hear your father was here for a visit," Ellen said.
"Yes, he was here for about three days, but he had to get back."
"Pity he couldn't join us today. I don't believe I've seen your father since Kelsey was born."
"He's pretty busy."
"Yes, for a retired man, he certainly is."
"He does a lot of volunteer work. I think he'd go stir-crazy if he didn't have something to do."
Ellen just smiled, continuing to toy with her necklace. Just then Sam heard a vehicle pull up. Looking out the window she spied Jack's rental car.
"He's here," she announced. Jeff started to move towards the door but Sam stopped him.
"I'll help him in. Maybe you can see if anyone needs another drink or something," she could tell he didn't like being ordered to play bartender, but she needed a second alone with Jack to warn him of the vultures waiting to pounce on him. She'd warned him once, but they were worse than she had anticipated. His late arrival wasn't going to help things.
Sam reached Jack's car as he was opening the door for Jon.
"Sorry we're late. You wouldn't believe the hassle there was with his release because I'm not listed as a parent or guardian! Even though you signed the forms and they've seen me there for over a month, they still had to double check *everything!*"
"Well, I suppose it's a relief to know they're thorough," Sam shrugged. "How are you doing, Honey?"
"I'm okay, Mom. Everybody's here already?"
"Yeah, they can't wait to see you!" Sam helped Jon out of the car. He had a little trouble standing, but after a moment he seemed steadier. Sam stepped up to give him a hand, but Jon stopped her.
"I want to try to do it on my own, okay?"
Sam glanced at Jack. He shrugged his shoulders, raising his eyebrows. "Let him try," he said.
Sam was right behind him should he start to falter, and Jack was at her side.
"How are you?" Sam mouthed to Jack behind Jon so he couldn't see her asking the question.
"Okay," he grinned, not verbalizing the word. Shooting a look at the house, trying to see if anyone could see them from this angle, Sam reached over, touching Jack's hand.
"How ya doin' there, Buddy?" Jack asked, looking down into Jon's face.
"Okay," he said, but he was nearly out of breath. Sam noticed the sweat starting to form on his brow and how pale he was. She was about to give him a hand when Jack held her back.
"Let him do this on his own," he said, "he needs to do this by himself."
Sam nodded as she watched Jon struggle his way towards the house. As he neared the steps, Jeff came bounding out, sweeping Jon up into a big hug.
"You did it! You beat this thing and you're home!" Jeff lifted him up, carrying him into the house, amid Jon's protests that he wanted to walk in by himself. Once Jon was deposited with his relatives, Jeff pulled Sam to the side.
"What do you think you were doing letting him walk in here like that! Are you trying to put him back in the hospital again, just so you can be with your lover once more?"
"Jeff!" Sam admonished in a loud whisper. "He wanted to try it on his own. He's not a baby anymore! And besides, we were right there if he started having trouble!"
"Jeff, you must be so happy to have Jon home," Cindy said, interrupting their argument.
"Yes, I am. We are. Aren't we, Honey?" he said, turning his mood pleasant so quickly, Sam had no doubt in her mind something was definitely wrong with Jeff. As if the little episode in the bedroom hadn't been enough!
"Yes," she smiled at her sister-in-law. "There's nothing worse than having a child in the hospital. It's quite a relief to have him here with us."
"He looks a little pale and tired, but I suppose that's to be expected."
"Yes, but he's doing much better than he was a few weeks ago," Sam said, glancing over at Jack, wishing there was some way she could talk to him. Maybe if she went into the kitchen he'd find a way to follow her without attracting too much attention.
As if reading her mind, Jack spoke up. "Sam? You want to give me a hand with Jon's things?"
"Sure," she replied, moving away from the arm Jeff had slung around her shoulders.
"I can help him with that," Jeff offered, but Sam refused.
"No, stay with your family. This'll just take a minute."
They were barely out the door before Jack asked, "Sam? Are you all right?"
She promised herself she was going to be strong and not tell him how scared she was, but the concern in his voice broke her resolve.
"No, I'm not okay, but we can't talk about it here. It'll just make it worse." Changing the subject she thanked him for picking up Jon.
"Okay, I'll let it drop for now, but when you can, I want you to tell me what's wrong."
"I will, Jack. Look, Ellen seems to be in rare form today, so don't let her get to you. I'm sorry you're walking into this den of vipers."
"Hey, I've had lots of practice with snake heads, remember?" he tried to joke.
Sam attempted to smile, but it turned out as more of a grimace. "You're going to need it."
***
Jon was immediately surrounded by aunts, uncles, and cousins, all welcoming him home. Kelsey had managed to squeeze through the crowd to give her big brother a hug.
"Will you come play army with us, Jon?" she asked, causing the relatives to laugh at her impulsiveness.
"Honey, Jon needs to rest some more before he can play with you. In fact, I think it would be a good idea if he rested before dinner," Sam said. There was a chorus of disappointed groans from all the children, but Sam remained firm.
"You don't have to sleep, Jon, just lie down. They can come with you."
"Come on!" Kelsey cried. "Jon's got some really cool toys!"
"Hey!" Jon protested, trying to keep up with the kids running towards his room. "Mom! Don't let them mess with my stuff!"
Sam put a reassuring hand on her son's shoulder. "I won't. Let's get you settled, okay?"
"I'll do it, Sam," Jack offered, secretly glad to have an excuse to leave the room before the inevitable questioning began.
When he returned, Jack made the rounds, accompanying Sam as she introduced him to Jeff's family. He'd met Ellen and Darrell briefly at the hospital, but the others were new to him. Jeff's brother and sister and their wife and husband seemed nice enough, but he could tell there was a definite difference between those born to the Greenfield name and those who'd married into the family.
Jack noticed Sam heading for the kitchen and was about to follow her, when Ellen intercepted him.
"Mr. O'Neill," she said. "Or perhaps I should call you General?"
"Well, actually, I'd prefer it if you called me 'Jack.'" he said, taking a sip of his beer.
"A bit early in the day to be drinking, isn't it?"
*What? It's after noon!* Jack thought, but instead he just shrugged his shoulders. "I guess it depends on your perception of early."
Ellen gave him a plastic smile. "Yes, well. . . . So, how long do you plan on staying in our fair city?"
*I wasn't aware you'd taken over ownership,* Jack smirked to himself. He really should stop this train of thought, but he'd had just enough beer and too little food to put a halt to his sarcastic mind.
"I'm not sure," he said. "Actually, I'm spending time in the *other* fair city. My apartment's in St. Paul."
"Oh? I wasn't aware you'd taken an apartment."
"No, I didn't take it, I rented it." The statement was totally lost on Ellen, and Jack found himself even more in the mood to toy with her.
"So, I understand you and Samantha know each other from the military."
"Yes, she was under my command for a little over three years."
"It's so hard for me to envision Samantha in the Air Force. It's so contrary to her life now. And she never speaks of it. Almost as if she wants to distance herself from that lifestyle."
*Sam was right. She 'is' good!* he thought. "I don't know that she's trying to distance herself from it. She probably doesn't talk much about it because of the animosity you folks seem to have against the service."
Ellen's eyes narrowed at Jack. "Why, I don't believe I've ever expressed. . ."
"I doubt you've come right out and said it, but Sam's a smart girl. She doesn't need a score card to know where she stands with all of you."
"I have nothing against Samantha. But it's obvious she was a bit, how shall I say it, indiscreet? when she was 'under your command,' as you put it."
"I'm not sure what you're getting at," Jack said cautiously.
"Well, Jack, it's obvious to all of us who Jon's father is. Even without the evidence of the bone marrow match."
Jack swallowed the rest of his beer, waiting for her to continue.
"Of course, as my son's wife I would never mention any of this to her, but it does substantiate my belief that 'indiscretion' and 'military' go hand-in-hand."
*What the hell was she talking about?* Jack wondered. At first he'd thought Sam might have been a little paranoid when it came to Jeff's family and their attitude about the military, but now he saw what she meant. There was more going on here he couldn't put his finger on, and that bothered him.
"Mrs. Greenfield, I'm afraid you have me at a disadvantage. I'm not sure what you mean."
"Jack, I thought we were on a first name basis," she said, her smile almost feral.
"All right, Ellen," Jack said, feeling his temper beginning to rise. He didn't like her tone nor the way she slandered Sam behind a facade of big words. "I'd like to know what you meant by that last statement. Why do you feel indiscretion and the military go hand-in-hand?"
"Well, all you have to do is look in the papers, listen to the news to see evidence of the mistakes the military has made. And the cover-ups that happen practically on a daily basis. Speaking of cover-ups, I understand our own Samantha is an expert at deception."
Now Jack was really getting angry. Was Ellen referring to his and Sam's re-discovered feelings for each other or something else?
"Since we haven't met you before Jon became ill, I would hesitate to guess she hid the fact she was pregnant from you. For whatever reason, she felt a cover-up was for the best. I'm not condemning the action, merely pointing out that her long military record lends itself to such deceptions."
Jack hated to admit it, but in some strange, convoluted way, her statement made sense. But that didn't explain why the Greenfields, as a whole, took military cover-ups personally. Sure, most Americans were upset when scandals came to light, but they didn't take it to heart as these people did. He was missing a piece of the puzzle, and it was going to bug him until he figured it out. If he knew them better, he might come right out and ask, but he was in Sam's home, and she already seemed to be on shaky ground with these people. He didn't need to start an earthquake by nosing around too much.
Jack was about to comment when Darrell came up behind his petite wife, placing his hands on her shoulders.
"Standing on your soap-box again, Ellen?" he asked, gently chiding her, as he smiled at Jack.
*And speaking of cover-ups. . . .* Jack thought as he noticed the skillful way Darrell deflected the conversation to more generic topics.
"So, Jack, Sam tells us you're retired? I guess that's how you you're able to spend so much time with Jon?"
"Yes I am. I'm glad I had the chance to get to know him. He's a great kid. Sam and Jeff have done a wonderful job with him." Jack was sincere, but he felt it was more Sam's influence than Jeff's that made him turn out so well. Of course, when surrounded by the enemy, it never hurt to do some schmoozing.
"He does love his son," Darrell said, staring intently at Jack. Boy, this bunch had turned subtly into an art!
"I'm not here to replace Jeff as Jon's father, if that's what you're getting at," Jack said, taking another pull on his beer, dismayed to find it empty. "I'd like to think Jon and I have a relationship, but it's not the same as the one he has with your son." Jack nervously twirled the empty bottle in his long fingers. "I think I'll go see if Sam needs some help," he said, excusing himself from the Greenfields.
Blowing out a breath, Jack stepped in the kitchen, spotting Sam near the sink with, Cheryl? Was that her name? The brother's wife, he remembered.
"Mind if I take another?" Jack said, waving the bottle in his hand.
"Help yourself," Sam said, turning to smile sympathetically at him. "Everything okay?"
"Peachy," he smiled back.
"Fifteen minutes with Ellen," Cheryl said. "Not bad. I don't know that I've talked to her that long since I've known her. He's a tough one, Sam."
Sam looked back up from her chores to give him a grin. "Yeah, I know."
Cheryl looked back and forth between the two of them, then wiped her hands on a towel.
"You know, I think I'm going to check up on the kids. They've been awfully quiet and that always scares me." She smiled at Jack, patting him on the arm as she passed him.
Once she was clear of the room, Jack turned to Sam. "I like her."
"Yeah, Cheryl's kind of been my 'port in the storm' when it comes to Ellen and her attitudes. It's nice to have someone to commiserate with who's been there."
"I know," he said, moving closer to the sink. "Can I give you a hand?"
Sam started to laugh. "You aren't serious?"
"Sure I am. If I can't do something in here, then I have to go back out there with them. Besides, I have much more fun mentally undressing you than Ellen."
"Jack!" she cried, but couldn't stop laughing.
"Do you know how much I want to kiss you right now?" he asked, suddenly serious.
Sam looked into his eyes, then lowered her gaze to his lips. "I think I have some idea."
Jack started to lean closer, but she stopped him. "Jack! We can't! I've got a house full of 'hostiles!'" she whispered.
"I know," he sighed, pulling back, leaning on the counter. "When do you think I'll get the chance to see you alone?"
"I don't know," she said sadly. "I doubt anytime today."
"I guess I figured that," he said, taking a drink from his new bottle of beer. "Sam, I'm not trying to make things difficult for you. If my being here is a problem. . . ."
"No, Jack, it isn't. Jon wants you here and so do I. I've lived through worse with them," she said, nodding her head towards the living room.
"Okay," he said, picking up her hand, pressing his lips to her fingers. It was the closest he could come to pulling her into his arms and kissing her. They stood that way for a moment, gazes locked, until Cindy stepped into the kitchen, causing them to spring apart. Jack knew how the action would appear to Jeff's sister, and tried to justify his action.
"See? Kissing it made it all better, didn't it?"
"Uh, yeah," Sam said, latching onto his cover story. "Guess I need to be more careful with that knife."
"I, uh, came to see if you needed some help, Sam, but I guess you've got everything under control," Cindy said, looking pointedly at Jack. He could tell she didn't buy their story. but didn't know what he could say without rousing more suspicions.
"I could use some help dishing up, if you don't mind," Sam said, avoiding looking at Jack. And maybe you guys could help carry things to the table?"
Cindy's gaze at Jack was barely civil. Well, he couldn't blame her, he thought. Jeff *was* her brother and naturally she was going to take his side in things. Who knew how much he'd told her or how much she'd guessed on her own? At least her hostility was out in the open, not veiled by insincere politeness and manners. Looking at the table in the dining room, Jack wondered who he'd get sandwiched between. No matter where he ended up, it was going to be a long meal, he concluded. Probably the longest in his life.
***
Sam wasn't surprised when Jack left after dinner. She could see it'd been difficult for him fielding questions from her in-laws. Fortunately Jon had insisted on sitting next to Jack during dinner which gave him at least one ally. She'd wanted to put Cheryl next to him as well, but at the last minute Mike switched places with her. Jeff had sat on the other side of Jon, and Sam hoped her son wouldn't make any innocent comments about being between his two fathers. Dinner was tense enough without pointing out the obvious.
Walking Jack to the door, Sam managed to whisper, "I'll call you later. I'll use the cell phone so he won't know."
"Sam, I hate you sneaking around like this!" he whispered back.
"You think I like it?"
Jack sighed. "I know you don't. We'll work something out," he smiled at her. Just then Jon came up behind his mother.
"Jack? You're going?"
Crouching down to Jon's level, Jack said, "Yeah, Sport, I've got a million things to do at home." Sam knew his "million things" probably consisted of more beer and television.
"Awww, I wish you didn't have to go. I didn't get to show you all my model planes!"
Sam watched as Jack fought down his emotions. She knew building models had been one of the pastimes he'd shared with Charlie.
"Next time, okay?"
"All right," Jon acquiesced. "Hey! You gotta take me to that park! You promised!"
"As soon as your mom and the doctors say it's okay, we'll go, deal?"
"Deal."
"Bye, Jack," he said, impulsively throwing his arms around his neck, giving him a quick hug. "I'm glad you came today."
Sam was trying as hard as Jack to retain her composure. The sight of father and son in each others arms was almost overwhelming.
"Me too, Sport. Thanks for inviting me." Releasing Jon and standing, Jack looked into Sam's eyes. "I'll talk to you later."
Sam gave him a half smile, nodding as he left, certain her voice would fail should she try to speak.
Turning to Jon, Sam placed her arm around his shoulders. "Hey, when did you get so tall? You weren't supposed to be doing any growing while you were in the hospital!" She started to tickle him, but stopped suddenly when he began gasping for air.
"Jon, are you all right?" she cried, stooping before him, brushing the hair back from his eyes.
"Yeah, I guess I'm just tired," he wheezed. In a moment his breathing returned to normal. Sam mentally kicked herself for causing her son distress. She should know better! But she'd been overcome by the moment. For just a minute, it seemed like old times, when Jon was healthy and they engaged in silly play. Perhaps it was just because she wanted things back to normal so badly. Back to a time when Jeff wasn't acting psychotic. But what about Jack? Did she wish she could go so far back that she hadn't been reunited with him? Part of her wished he'd stayed in the past, but the greater portion of her knew she couldn't go back to a life without him in it. The journey before her would not be easy, but at the end, Jack would be waiting for her, and that made all the hardship worth bearing.
Sam had just helped Jon to his bed and was heading back to her living room full of guests, when she passed by the bathroom. Hearing Jack's name, she stopped, not intending to eavesdrop, but the door wasn't fully shut and she couldn't help herself. She had a clear view of Cindy, but not the other occupant. Sam listened to what she had to say to the other person.
"Well, you should have seen them in the kitchen," Cindy said, blowing out a stream of smoke. Sam *hated* it when Cindy smoked in the bathroom. She'd asked her several times if she felt the need for a cigarette, if she'd please go outside, but for some reason, sneaking a smoke in the bathroom seemed to be more the point than having the cigarette. And what was she doing smoking while she was pregnant?
"What happened?" the second voice spoke. Cheryl, Sam identified.
"He was kissing her hand! Like it was straight out of some romance novel!"
"Are you sure you couldn't have mistaken what was going on?" Cheryl asked.
"Oh, he made up some lame excuse about 'kissing it better,' like she'd hurt herself or something, but that's *not* what was going on."
"How can you be so sure?"
Cindy took a drag on the cigarette. "I've got eyes, Cheryl. There was nothing wrong with her hand. No scratch, no blood no nothing. I'm telling you, they're still involved."
"What do you mean 'still?'"
"Geeze, Cheryl! You can't really be that obtuse, can you? Jack is Jon's father!"
"Well, I know Jon doesn't look like Sam or Jeff, but I thought maybe a grandparent or her brother or something. . . ."
"Or Jack?" Cindy supplied. "Come on, you were sitting across from them, surely you could see the resemblance?"
"Well, I. . . ."
"Look, I know you worship the ground Sam walks on, for some odd reason, but that doesn't make her a saint. If anyone's a saint around here, it's Jeff."
"Why's Jeff a saint?" Cheryl asked.
"Well, the way he puts up with him? How would you like it if some ex-girlfriend of Mike's suddenly showed up, just jumped right into your life?" Another stream of smoke was blown over Cheryl's head.
"You're right, I guess I never thought of it that way. But it's not like he's always around! Sam just said that he'd helped sit with Jon while he was in the hospital. Today was the first time he's ever been here."
"Cheryl," Cindy said, using the same patronizing voice her mother used, "think of all those long, boring afternoons in the hospital while Jon was sleeping. How long can you go over old times? And what about those old times? Surely seeing the child you created together has to bring up *some* kind of feelings. It's why I hate it when Tom goes over to Theresa's. They've got this 'bond' with Alisha that I don't have. Makes me jealous as hell."
"Well, I still don't think Sam would do something like that. Not to Jeff. I know we've all known Jon isn't Jeff's, but I've never thought about it because he treats him like his son. Sam wouldn't have an affair. She just wouldn't."
Sam couldn't listen to any more of their conversation. They were both right, and the guilt was killing her. If it were anyone but Jack, she'd never consider looking at another man. But she and Jack *did* have a history, and she *had* always felt there was something undeniable between them. Did that give her the right to destroy her family?
And what about Jeff? Was his actions this morning just a reaction to the frustration he felt from being pushed aside? Sam felt the tender spots along her arms. No, this was more than simple jealousy. He meant to hurt her, and could do so again. God! She was so confused! Her mind swam with the "if onlys." She was torn between hoping her guests would leave and praying they wouldn't, for once they were gone, she had no idea what Jeff would do.
***
Sam sat on the deck, looking up at the stars, cell phone in hand, tapping her fingers on the plastic case. Jack was waiting for her to call. She wanted to, but once she did there would be no turning back. Who was she kidding? Once she spent the night with him there'd been no turning back.
Jeff had gone to bed, claiming he had a meeting with some perspective clients early in the morning. He'd been quite civil to her most of the day, even after his family left, which surprised Sam. She supposed she shouldn't have been thrown off by his behavior, but it was unsettling, not knowing what kind of a reaction she was going to get from him. Perhaps that was his game. Keep her so knocked off balance she wouldn't make any move away from him.
Apparently it was working, because she still hadn't dialed Jack's number. Sam could envision him pacing his living room, waiting for the phone to ring. She had to tell him something, after all she'd told him she'd call.
Flipping open the phone, she punched in his number.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Jack."
"Sam! God! Where have you been? I was getting so worried I almost drove over there!"
Sam closed her eyes. "I'm fine, Jack. Just a little confused, I guess. You have to promise me something."
"What?"
"That you won't come over here unless I ask you. I'll be fine."
"Sam, you were really upset this morning. He hurt you, didn't he?"
Sam tried to steady her voice. "Yeah."
"I'll kill him!" Jack vowed.
"Jack! This is what I'm talking about! You can't come over here if you think something's happened to me! I'll be fine."
"So you've said. Look, Sam, I know you can take care of yourself, but I don't want you to have to. You shouldn't have to live like that. What did he do?"
Sam hesitated, torn between telling someone and not wanting to worry him. "He tried to force himself on me."
"Sam, you don't have to put up with that! Whether you're married to him or not, he can't force you to sleep with him!"
"I know," she said, sniffling.
"Sam, you're crying. How bad did he hurt you?" The concern in his voice made another tear roll down her cheek.
"Not all that much. Really. His parents showed up before he could. . .finish what he had in mind."
"What about after everyone left?"
"He was fine," she said, sure he could hear her confusion. "Like this morning never happened. He went to bed and I came out on the deck to call you."
"Well, *that's* odd. But then, considering his family, I guess I shouldn't be surprised."
Sam laughed, wiping away the last of her tears. "They're quite a bunch, aren't they?"
"I see what you mean about their attitude towards the military. It's weird. It's beyond weird."
"Yeah," she agreed. "It's got me stumped."
There was a silence then she said, "I miss you. I can't believe you're only down the road. It feels like you're a world away."
"I know. I wish there was some way you could come over."
"So do I."
"How long ya think it'll be before you can bring Jon over? At least we could see each other while the kids play."
"Maybe a day or two. I want Jon to get used to being home first."
"I understand. Sam, I know I said I wasn't going to push, but have you thought anymore about what we talked about the other day?"
Sam didn't need him to explain his question. He wanted to know if she'd thought any more about divorcing Jeff. She'd thought about little else. If it was just about her, there wouldn't be a problem, but there were so many other people she had to think about. Did she have the right to be that selfish?
"I've been thinking about it," she told him.
"And?"
"Jack, I know you think this is cut and dry, but I need more time. You understand, don't you?"
She heard him sigh. "Yeah. Yeah, I understand. It's just that I'm goin' crazy here."
"I know. Patience was never one of your better qualities," she teased.
"I think I've gotten worse, if that's possible."
There was another silence, then he said. "You said you're out on your deck?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Can you see the stars?"
"Yeah, every time I look at them, I think of you," she confessed.
"Well, I'm about to make it worse," he said. She could tell he was smiling from tone of his voice.
"How are you going to do that?"
"You can see the Milky Way, right?"
"Yes, Jack. I do know *something* about the sky, you know."
He laughed then said, "Okay, find Cygnus. You see the star that would be it's head?"
"Got it."
"Now look to three o'clock, there's kind of a reddish one?"
"Yeah."
"Know what that is?"
"Jack!"
"P2R-665 orbits that star."
Sam drew in her breath. "Really?"
"Really. Maybe we could call it 'Jon's star.' Whaddya think?"
Sam felt tears coming to her eyes again. "I think that's a great idea. I can show it to him, but it's too bad I can't tell him why it's so special."
"Seems almost unbelievable now, doesn't it?"
"What part?"
"All of it," Jack said.
"Yeah. Another lifetime," Sam agreed. "Look, it's getting late, and Jeff might start to wonder where I am. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"
"It would be better if I could see you."
"I know. But soon. I promise."
"I'm holding you to that," Jack said.
"'Night, Jack. I love you."
"I love you too, Sam." She clicked off the phone, staring at the sky. She found Jon's star once more, sighing as gazed at it. Jack was right. It was unbelievable that her son was conceived on a planet circling some distant star. Straight out of science fiction. If she found the strength to leave the life she loved so much, surely she could find the means to leave a life she no longer wanted.
***
Jack met Sam at the hospital for Jon's check-up. He'd been home about a week, and the follow-up was necessary to make sure Jon wasn't over-doing it. Personally, Jack was grateful for the exam. He'd talked to Sam nearly everyday--even had several short conversations with Jon--but it wasn't the same as seeing her. Until Jon was given the okay to venture further than his own home, Jack knew he wouldn't have a chance to see Sam. She'd requested he stay away in order to placate Jeff, and he'd complied. As difficult as it was, he gave Sam the space she needed.
It was getting harder and harder for him to be patient, even though he knew Sam wanted to be with him. What if she decided she just couldn't leave Jeff? What then? He couldn't stay here. Now that Jon was out of the hospital, there was really no reason for him to remain other than Sam. Perhaps he'd jumped the gun on getting the apartment. Well, if nothing else, he could leave it as a place for her to go to if she needed to get away.
All Jack's thoughts about leaving fled as he watched Sam walk toward him with Jon and Kelsey. God, she was beautiful, he thought. Just seeing her smile crumbled his resolve to move back to Colorado. How could he live if he didn't have a chance to see that smile?
"Jack!" Jon cried, almost running down the hallway to give him a big hug.
Jack stooped down, taking the boy in his arms. "How ya doin', Sport?"
"Great! I've missed seeing you!"
"I've missed seeing you too," he said, holding Jon tightly, but looking up at Sam. "You too," he mouthed.
Sam had put her hand to her mouth, almost as if she were trying to block her own words, acknowledging how much she'd missed him.
"I got somethin' for ya," Jack said, pulling a bag off a nearby chair.
"What is it?"
"Open it and find out."
Jon reached into the paper bag and withdrew a cap with the logo for the Minnesota Wild hockey team emblazoned on the front.
"This is *awesome!*" he cried, jamming the cap on his head. "Their goalie is going to be replaced this year, did you know that?"
"I think I read that somewhere," Jack smiled. "You're going to have to work on getting your strength back so you can try out, ya know." Jack watched as Jon fiddled with the cap, trying to get the bill right.
"Here," he said, "let me help you with that." Jack took the cap and bent the bill just so, curving it as he had so many of his own.
Placing it back on Jon's head, he asked, "that better?"
"Cool! Now I look like you!"
Jack swallowed and looked at Sam as he stood, knowing she was thinking the same thing.
"Jon, you're going to be late for your appointment. Do you want me to go in with you?"
"Naw, I'm not a baby, not like Kelsey," he teased, poking his sister in the stomach.
"I am not a baby!" she protested.
"Kids!" Sam cried. "Okay, we'll wait out here, and talk to the doctor when you're done."
Jack sat next to Sam as she settled herself and Kelsey on the hard chairs of the waiting room.
"I swear those two have been at each other since Jon came home! For missing him so much, she certainly has been causing a fuss!"
"She's got to do something to get attention," Jack shrugged.
"I suppose. I think going to the park is going to be great for both of them. Kelsey certainly needs to run off some energy."
Jack watched the girl making her way down the row of chairs, singing some made up song as she "tagged" each one. Once Kelsey was out of earshot, Jack whispered.
"God, it's good to see you!"
"I know," Sam said, looking into his eyes with a longing he was sure was reflected in his own. Picking up her hand, he gave it a squeeze, knowing she'd be uncomfortable with any other show of affection in front of Kelsey.
Sam returned the gesture, giving him a smile that almost made his heart stop. Geeze, he was getting sappy in his old age!
"Thanks for getting Jon the hat. Knowing him, I'll have to pry it off his head when I put him to bed."
"Well, I wanted to get him something," he said fiddling with his own hat, embarrassed at how much Jon had gotten to him in such a short time. He genuinely liked the boy, and thinking about him being his son only made him more special. A son he shared with Sam. It still knocked him for a loop when he thought about it.
"What are you thinking about?" Sam asked. "You've got the oddest expression on your face."
"Just about how lucky I am to have this second chance with you, and how much Jon means to me. My, God, Sam! We have a son!"
Sam grinned, dipping her head to hide her blush. "I know. It's pretty amazing, isn't it?"
"No more amazing than you."
"Jack!" Sam cried, pushing on his arm. "You're embarrassing me!"
"I can't help it if it's true," he smiled back at her. Jack leaned in and whispered in her ear, "ya know what I'd do if we weren't in this hospital and we were alone?"
Sam's breath caught. "No, what?"
"First I'd kiss you, then I'd start to move my attention south, kissing your neck, pushing aside the straps of your tank top, biting your collarbone."
Sam swallowed, just gazing at Jack as he continued his verbal undressing of her.
"I'd run my fingers through your hair, kissing you once more, not giving you time to catch your breath. Then I'd slip my hand up under your shirt and. . . "
"Mrs. Greenfield?" Doctor Wendel said, causing Sam to jump. "I've finished with Jon, and I'd like to talk with you. Are you feeling all right? You seem a bit flushed."
"Fine," Sam croaked, coughing slightly. "I'm just fine. You were saying?"
"I'd like to discuss where we go from here. Would you join me in my office?"
"Of course." Sam looked at Jack. "Would you keep an eye on Kelsey for me for a minute?"
"Not a problem," Jack smirked, enjoying Sam's flustered reaction to the doctor's sudden arrival.
As she turned to leave, Sam smacked Jack's arm. "That wasn't funny!" she whispered to him, but her own smile told him she wasn't really upset. The trouble was, he was getting pretty aroused just from talking about what he wanted to do with her. Perhaps they'd both been saved by Dr. Wendel's appearance.
Jack watched as Kelsey made her way back up the row of chairs, emphasizing the same word of her song by bopping each chair as she passed it. The waiting room was unusually quiet, but then it was early, he reasoned. He was glad he didn't have to try to restrain Kelsey to keep her from disturbing other people.
She certainly was her mother's daughter. The energy she exuded and her concentration on her task certainly spoke of Sam.
"Where'd Mama go?" Kelsey asked when she reached Jack, hitting him with her small hand as she finished her song. She gave him a mischievous smile that echoed Sam's and he couldn't help himself from smiling back.
"She's in talking with Jon and his doctor."
"You're supposed to watch me, right?"
"Yup."
"I don't need watching. I'm not a baby," Kelsey stated adamantly.
"Well, actually," Jack said, lowering his voice to a conspirital level, "your mom wants you to watch me. She's afraid I'll wander off."
Kelsey giggled. "She didn't say that! You're silly, Jack!" Jack smiled at her once more, ruffling her hair. "Hey! Stop that!" The action prompted Kelsey to climb on the chair Sam had vacated and return the gesture to him. Jack caught her and started to tickle her, causing her to squeal louder than he anticipated. He quickly stopped, looking sheepishly around to see if anyone had seen him teasing the girl.
Setting her back on the ground, he put his fingers to his lips. "We have to be quiet because we're in the hospital," he warned.
"Then you shouldn't tickle me!" Kelsey said in an exaggerated whisper. She started down the row of chairs again but this time she was talking instead of singing.
"I don't know why Daddy doesn't like you," she said, concentrating on the chair in front of her, rather than looking at Jack. "He says bad things about you and it makes Mommy sad. I think you're fun, Jack!"
"Well, I think you're fun too," Jack affirmed. He tried to keep an open mind about Kelsey's revelation. Kids often exaggerated things. Maybe they weren't as bad as she made it sound. Or maybe it was worse because they hadn't allowed most of their arguments to take place in front of their daughter.
"He said you were going to take Mommy away. You're not going to do that, are you Jack?"
Jack felt as if someone had just punched him in the stomach. How did he answer something like that? Hell, yes! First chance I get?
He took a moment to formulate his thoughts. "Kelsey, come here a second," he said quietly. The little girl moved back to stand before him. Placing his hands on her shoulders he made her eyes meet his.
"I care about your mom a lot. She's my friend and I would never do anything to hurt her. Or you or Jon."
How did he tell her that if things worked out as he hoped, Sam would come back to Colorado Springs with him? He knew that was a fantasy. Sam's life was here now. She had her work, her kids, everything was in Minneapolis. Even if she was granted custody of Kelsey and Jon, Jeff would still have rights to visitation. How would that be possible if she was nearly half a country away? The reality of the situation was she'd have to be closer than Colorado. Probably here in the city or one of the suburbs would make the most sense.
"I'm not going to take her away," he told her, *at least not very far,* he mentally added.
He didn't know what Sam's decision on Jeff was, or if she'd even come to a conclusion. He couldn't tell Kelsey what she really wanted to know. But he didn't want to lie to her either. If Sam decided to leave Jeff, he didn't want her kids hating him in the process. He wasn't too worried about Jon. They had an association outside his family life. Kelsey was a different story. If he wanted to "win her over," he'd have to establish a relationship outside of their family as well. Perhaps today would be a good place to start.
Jack was spared further explanations as Sam and Jon entered the waiting area. Standing, they crossed over to Jon.
"How'd it go?"
"I'm still not supposed to do very much," Jon sighed, his head hanging in disappointment.
"Jon," Sam said, rubbing his back, "you knew that you couldn't go back to everything all at once."
"I know," Jon sighed again. "It's just that it's been so long since I could do *anything!*"
Jack looked at Jon with sympathy. He knew the boy should be grateful to even be alive, let alone doing as well as he was, but you couldn't tell that to a ten-year old. At that age summer seemed endless, time was almost at a standstill. What he wouldn't give to have that perception of time again!
"I know it's been a while, but just think how much better you feel from a few weeks ago!"
"Yeah, I know. But I'm going to miss the beginning of school!"
"Hey, school's not all it's cracked up to be," Jack said, putting his arm around Jon's shoulders. "Besides, what can they teach you there that your mom can't?"
Jon looked up at he mother, giving her a weak smile. "Yeah, but I miss my friends."
"The doctor said you can see them now. We'll invite them over, okay?"
"Yeah."
Jack could tell Jon was still upset with the doctor's diagnosis. "Hey, you know that park by my apartment? It's not as great as another one I found. How about we go to Minnehaha falls instead?
"Where's that?" Jon asked.
"It's right here, in the city."
"Really? Waterfalls in St. Paul?"
"Sam! I can't believe you've never taken them there! Does it take a tourist to find these places?" he teased. "And technically, I believe they're in Minneapolis."
Sam shrugged her shoulders. "I guess we never really had a reason to come this direction. We usually head west when we want to get out of town."
"Okay, the falls it is. We'll stop and get something for lunch and have a picnic. What do you guys say?"
"Yay!" Kelsey cried jumping up and down.
Jon wasn't quite as enthusiastic, but he had perked up some. Sam looked over at Jack.
"Thank you," she whispered. "I'll tell you more of what the doctor said later, okay?"
***
Jon seemed to lighten up once they'd left the hospital, Sam noticed. Jack was the biggest help, though. He'd always been good with kids, and hers were no exception. Maybe it was because he was such a big kid himself, she smiled. But it was one of the things she loved best about him. Sam turned slightly in the car seat, watching him joke around with Jon and Kelsey. She could see they both liked him, which made her decision a little easier. She knew once her choice was revealed, it was going to hurt her children, but the fact they liked Jack should help.
God! How was she going to tell them? Telling Jeff was going to be a piece of cake compared to trying to explain it to her kids. But they hadn't seen how erratic Jeff's behavior had become. All they saw was the loving father they'd always known. Well, if that was the only side Sam saw, she might have found the strength to tell Jack she couldn't leave. No matter how much she loved him. She'd do what was best for her family and stay with her husband.
Jeff wasn't what was best for her family, for her. Not anymore. Not when she couldn't predict how he'd react to things from one moment to the next. She'd tried to talk to him about it, but he'd get defensive, claiming if anyone had changed, it was her.
"Hey, you're awfully quiet," Jack said, looking over at her. "What's up?"
"Nothing," she said, giving him a weak smile, nodding her head toward the back seat, hoping he'd catch her meaning of not-in-front-of-the-kids. It took a moment, but Jack caught her drift.
"Oh. Right." Quickly changing the subject he said, "almost there! You guys want to see the falls first or wanna eat?"
"Eat!" Kelsey cried.
"Falls!" Jon chimed in.
"Sam?" Jack asked, giving her a questioning look.
"Why do I have to make all the hard decisions?" she groused, smiling, hoping she wouldn't have to be the deciding vote.
"Okay, I'll break the tie," Jack offered after parking the car. "How about we see the falls first since they're closer, then we'll head down to the creek for the picnic."
"Works for me," Sam agreed, taking Kelsey by the hand.
"No! I want to walk with Jack!" she cried, running over to him, slipping her hand in his. Sam raised her eyebrows at Jack who just shrugged.
"What can I say? Women love me!"
"Do I need to get in line?" she smiled at him.
"It's a long wait, but knock yourself out," he smiled back.
Jon was walking ahead of them, reaching the railing before the others. "This is it?" he asked, sounding disappointed.
"Well, ya," Jack said. "Did ya think it was going to be Niagra Falls or something?"
"Well, no, I guess I thought they'd be bigger, that's all," Jon said.
"I think they're big," Kelsey said.
"It depends on how much water there is, too," Sam said, trying to keep Jon from saying something else. She knew how much Jack had been looking forward to taking Jon out and his less than enthusiastic response had subdued him a bit.
"It's been a dry summer. We should come back here in the spring. I bet there's a lot of water then."
"Probably," Jon said, starting the descent to a lower observation deck.
Kelsey let go of Jack's hand, trying to catch up to her brother. "Jon! Wait up!"
Turning to Sam, Jack asked, "what's up with him? Ever since we left the hospital he's been this way."
"Dr. Wendel told him he's got to stay home for a while yet, which means no school. At least the beginning of it, anyway. He misses his friends. I told him he could invite them over, but it's not the same. He's missed out on so much already this summer. Funny thing is, Dr. Wendel is very pleased with his progress. She's said he's recovered faster than she'd anticipated."
"This was fast?"
"Apparently. I think he's sensing the tension between Jeff and me as well. I think on some level he feels responsible, and I don't know how to convince him it has nothing to do with him."
Jack put his arms around her, pulling her close. "I know it's hard right now. He's still sick, but better than he was, so he's getting antsy. Boy, can I relate to that after all the time I spent in the infirmary!" he said, kissing the top of her head. Just then Jon looked up at them, and Kelsey waved. Sam pushed herself away from Jack. The last thing she needed was for her kids to mention to Jeff that Jack had his arms around her.
"Come on," he said, pulling on her hand. "Let's get down there before one of them ends up in the water."
Jack came up behind Jon and placed his hands on his shoulders. "Looks a little bigger from this angle, doesn't it?"
"Yeah."
"Ya know what 'Minnehaha' means?" Jack asked.
"No."
"It means 'laughing water.'"
"Really?" Jon asked, turning to look at him. "You mean the 'haha' part really is supposed to be laughing?"
"I guess. The 'Minne' is the water part."
"So, then 'Minnesota' means water something?" Jon asked.
"Yeah. It means 'clear or whitish water.' It's a Dakota, or Sioux word. They're the people that used to live around here before the whites moved in."
"I remember that part from school," Jon said, seeming more interested in the falls now. "A lot of the towns around here have native names," he added.
"And just how do you know all this?" Sam asked, planting her hands on her hips.
Jack jammed his hands in his pockets, looking sheepish. "I read it in one of magazines at the hospital. It's amazing what you can learn in waiting rooms. It's how I found out about this place."
"Well, that's fascinating, Dr. Jackson," Sam teased, adopting Jack's sarcastic tone, "but we're getting hungry. Can we save the history lesson for after lunch?"
Jack laughed. "I guess I did kinda sound like Danny there, didn't I? Don't you dare tell him!" Jack said, wagging a finger at Sam.
"I'm sure I could be persuaded," she smiled. "Chicken salad goes a long way in the bribery department!"
"Okay, all right! I get the hint!" Jack said, holding up his hands in surrender. "We have to go back to the car first. Ready for that climb, Buddy?"
Jon looked up the long flight of stairs and nodded. Sam and Jack exchanged glances, knowing each wanted to help him in his journey back to the parking lot. Given the attitude Jon had exhibited earlier, they both knew he had to try this by himself.
This was the hardest part about being a parent, Sam realized. Letting her son do something that was potentially dangerous. At least she was here if he started to falter.
"Kelsey, you need a hand?" Jack asked.
"I want a piggy-back ride!"
Jack rolled his eyes, then crouched down for her to get on his back. Rising with a groan he looked at Sam.
"Guess we'll see what kind of shape I'm really in."
They made it about half-way up when Jon stopped, trying to catch his breath. Sam knew he'd kill himself trying to get to the top under his own power, but she wasn't about to let that happen.
"Jack," she said, nodding her head toward Jon. He nodded in return, setting Kelsey on the ground.
"Okay, it's Jon's turn now."
"I'm too big!" he protested.
"Naw, you're never too big for a piggy-back ride. In fact, when we get to the top, it's your mother's turn!"
"Oh, *that* I have to see," Sam laughed, but at least he'd deflected Jon's arguments.
Once at the parking lot, Jack let Jon down. "Now, that wasn't so bad, was it?"
"No, but I coulda done it!"
"I know. It's like I said, everyone gets a turn. Sam! Get over here!"
"Uh uh. No way! Jack! We're too old for this!"
"What happened to 'too big?'"
"That too!"
"Come here! Don't make me chase you! I don't have the breath for it!"
"Exactly my point!" She cried. Jon and Kelsey were laughing, watching Jack try to grab their mother as she dodged past him.
"Come on, Sam! It's just to the car, and it's level!" he said softly as he closed in on her. "It'll make Jon feel better about the help!"
"Oooo, you fight dirty," she said, but smiled at him just the same. "Okay, just to the car." She couldn't believe she was actually going to do this!
Climbing on Jack's back, he grabbed Sam's thighs, hefting her a little higher. In the process he grabbed her butt.
"Was that necessary?" she whispered in his ear.
"Oh, yeah," he grinned.
Well, if he was going to fight dirty, then so was she. Leaning forward she spoke into his ear, "do you know what I'd do to you if we were alone?"
Sam saw him swallow as she wound her arms tighter around him, biting him lightly on the ear.
"Ya want me to drop you?" he hissed under his breath.
"No, but I can think of a few other things you could do."
"Sam! Your kids are right behind us!"
"Prude," she said, sliding very slowly down his back, letting her hands roam over his chest as she did. Turning around Jack gave her a warning glance, but it was softened by the twinkle in his eye.
"Me next! I want to go again!" Kelsey cried, trying to jump onto Jack's back.
"Maybe later," Sam said. "Jack's tired after lugging me around."
"Okay! Who wants to eat?" Jack asked. Sam could tell he didn't want to dwell on how far they'd both slipped in the physical fitness department. Jack doled out light-weight bags to the kids, leaving the heavier ones for himself and Sam.
"How about that table over there?" Sam suggested, pointing out a spot under a tree near the creek.
"Looks good. I'm glad there's not a lot of people here today. We've pretty much got the run of the place."
Lunch was consumed in nearly record time, as everyone seemed to be starving. Jon and Kelsey started begging for money to go buy ice cream from a concession stand, and Jack gave in.
"Jon, you make sure you keep your eye on Kelsey!" Sam called out, as she watched her children make their way across the park.
"You're such a pushover," Sam said, rubbing her hand on his thigh.
"Well, I did have ulterior motives," Jack confessed.
"Oh, what would those be?"
"I wanted a little privacy," he said, leaning over to kiss her.
"This feels so good," Sam mumbled against his lips.
"Tell me about it. On second thought, don't. It'll take too much time," he said, moving his lips along her jaw to her ear.
"Jack, we shouldn't be doing this. The kids could be back at any minute."
"Ya wanna stop?"
"Yes. . .no. . .yes."
"Okay," he said, capturing her lips once more. "You first."
"You started this, you have to stop it."
"Uh uh. If I started it, you have to finish it." Sam felt Jack's tongue against hers as he deepened the kiss. God, she wanted him! She tried to break contact with him, but her body seemed to have a mind of it's own.
"What are you doing! Stay away from her!" Jon's voice suddenly penetrated the daze Sam had found herself in.
"Stop it!" Jon cried, discarding his ice cream as he began to punch Jack as hard as he could. "Get away from my mom!"
Jack released Sam so fast she almost fell off the picnic bench.
"Jon, Honey, it's okay! He wasn't hurting me!"
"Only my dad can kiss her!" Jon cried as he continued to pelt Jack with his fists.
"Jon! I can explain!" Sam said, trying to take him by the arms and calm him down.
"Leave me alone! I hate you! I hate both of you!" Jon pulled off the cap Jack had given him, tossing it into the grass next to his melting ice cream, stomping on it before he took off at a run. Sam knew he wouldn't get far before he was out of breath, but she didn't want him to over exert himself either.
"Jon!" Sam called. "You get back here this instant!" She started to follow him, but Jack held her back.
"Let me. This is my fault." Sam was about to protest when he stated again, "I need to do this, Sam. He needs to understand what's going on with us."
Sam watched Jack jog off after her son, wondering how he knew what was going on with them when she didn't.
***
"Jon!" Jack called, "I want to talk to you!"
"Leave me alone," Jon wheezed. I don't want to talk to you!" Just then he stopped, doubled over, trying to catch his breath. Jack placed his hand on his back, but Jon shrank from his touch. "Don't touch me!"
Jack could tell he was crying, but doing his best to hide it. Jon sat down on the grass, still breathing hard as Jack sat a few feet away from him.
"Go away, Jack! I don't want to talk to you!" Jon managed between gasps.
Jack was silent for a moment, trying to decide how he was going to explain things to Jon without putting him on the defensive. Of course he'd feel the need to protect his mother, and his father as well. But deep down, he knew Jon cared about him too, and the boy was being torn in several different directions.
"Remember when I first met you at the hospital and you asked if your mom and I were friends?" Jack asked. Jon was looking away from him, rubbing his eyes.
Taking his silence as a confirmation, Jack continued. "You remember saying that I must have loved your mom to make a baby with her? Well, you're right I did. I was mad at her for leaving, for not telling me about you, but when I calmed down, I realized I did love your mom, all those years ago."
"You're not supposed to like her like that," Jon said, still looking away from Jack. "Only my dad can like her like that!"
"Jon, if I'd had the courage to face what I felt about your mom back then, I'd be your dad."
"But you're not!" he cried, facing Jack for the first time. You're my biological father, but you're not my dad!"
It seemed strange to hear such a large term coming from him. Jon said he understood what it meant, but Jack wondered if Jon really understood that he'd had sex with his mother and he was the result. But Jon did have a point--in all ways that were important, Jeff was Jon's father, and Jack found himself fighting his own jealousy.
"You're right, I'm not. I wasn't here for all the big events in your life, and you don't know how much I wish I had been. That's why I was so mad at your mom when I first got here. Because I wasn't able to see you grow up, to take your first steps, hear your first words."
"You don't seem too mad at her now," Jon said, turning away once more.
"You're right. I'm not. Jon, you know what a great person your mom is. I can't stay mad at her. I tried," Jack smiled.
Jon turned back to Jack, "you wanted to stay mad at my mom?"
"Yeah, but she makes it hard, ya know?"
"Yeah, I know," Jon answered, nodding his head in agreement.
"Just like you want to be mad at her now, but you can't because you love her." Jack watched as Jon took another swipe at his eyes.
"That's kinda how it was with me." There was a silence, then Jack continued. "Look, I know you're upset because I was doing something with your mom that I shouldn't, but don't be mad at her. I'm the one you should be mad at."
"But I don't want to be mad at you either, Jack!"
"You're scared," Jack guessed.
"Yeah."
"How come?"
"'Cause my friend, Steve, his parents got divorced, and it started when he saw his new dad kissing his mom." Jon's voice was barely above a whisper. "Then his parents were fighting all the time. I don't want that to happen to my mom and dad!" he wailed, looking up at Jack.
Jack scooted closer to Jon, wrapping his arm around his shoulders in a hug. "I know, Sport."
"If I hadn't gotten sick. . ."
"Ah! Don't say it!" Jack said, holding up a warning finger. "Anything that happens with your mom or dad or me has nothing to do with you or getting sick, do you understand me?" Jack hadn't meant for his tone to be so harsh, but he couldn't let Jon think he was responsible in any way.
"If you say so," Jon said, sitting up from Jack, but not pushing him away.
"Look, I know getting sick has been the worst thing that's ever happened to you, and I wouldn't wish it on anybody. But there is a good side to it."
"There is?"
"Yeah, if you hadn't needed that bone marrow, I might never have met you, and that would have been worse than you getting sick. I know you don't think of me as your dad, and that's fine, I understand that, but I want you to know, I think of you as my son." Jack's voice caught on his last words.
"Really?"
"Yeah, really," Jack said, reaching over and ruffling Jon's hair.
"I had another son, once," Jack admitted quietly.
"You did?" Jon's voice was incredulous. "I had a brother?"
"Yeah," Jack said, looking down, toying with the blades of grass between his knees. "His name was Charlie, and he'd be, oh, about twenty-four now, I guess."
"Wow. That's old."
Jack couldn't help but smile. "Ya, real old."
"What happened to him, Jack?"
Even after all these years, the memory was still painful. "He, ah, he had an accident with my gun. He was playing with it and shot himself."
"Mom won't let a gun be in the house, and I don't think my dad likes them either. I heard them fighting about them once. Something about how guns always cause accidents no matter where they are."
Jack raised his eyebrows and shrugged. While he'd never have a gun in his home again, he did feel they were necessary in certain situations. However, he wasn't going to get into a gun control debate with a ten year-old.
Suddenly switching topics once more, Jon asked, "are you going to take my mom away from my dad?"
Jack blew out a breath, unsure how to answer. "Let me ask you a question. You want your mom to be happy, right?"
"Yeah, 'course I do."
"And if she had to choose between your dad and me, you'd want her to pick the guy she'd be the happiest with, wouldn't you?"
Jon thought about it a minute, then said, "I guess."
"Well, your mom might have to make that choice, Jon. I told you I love her. And I do, but your dad loves her too. I guess she has to decide who she loves the most."
Tears started welling up in Jon's eyes. "What if she goes with you? Will I ever see my dad again?"
"Of course you would! Your dad will always be your dad. You'd just have me too."
"But if my mom chooses my dad, will I see you?"
Jack started playing with the grass again. "Probably not as much. I'd probably go back to Colorado if that happens."
"I don't want you to go, Jack!" Jon cried, launching himself into Jack's arms, hugging him tight.
Jack hugged him back, feeling his own emotions surfacing in his eyes. "I don't want to go," he said. "But I don't want to cause trouble for your mom and if I stayed here, I would." Jack released him, brushing the hair from his forehead, a gesture he'd seen Sam do on several occasions.
"Whaddya say we go find your mom and Kelsey? They're probably gettin' worried."
"Okay. Jack?"
"Yeah, Buddy?"
"I'm sorry I stompted on the hat you gave me."
Jack placed his arm around Jon's shoulders again. "That's okay. I'm sure we can straighten it out." He only hoped the rest of their problems could be straightened so easily.
***
Sam watched Jack and Jon walking toward the swing set Kelsey was playing on. Giving her daughter one last push, she waited for them to join her. Jack had his arm around Jon as they made their way over to the table they'd had lunch at, picking up Jon's discarded hat. Jack reshaped it, placing it on his head with a heavy hand, prompting Jon to remove it and settle it on his head himself. They both were smiling, so Sam assumed everything had gone well. Giving an audible sigh of relief, Sam helped Kelsey off the swing and headed in Jack and Jon's direction.
"Hi," she said tentatively, looking from Jack to Jon. "Everything okay?"
"I think so," Jack smiled, putting his hand on Jon's back. "Jon, don't you have something you'd like to say to your mother?"
Jon dug his shoe into the grass, scuffing it back and forth. "Yeah," he said, watching his foot rather than look at his mother. "I'm sorry, mom." He looked up then and said, "I'm sorry I said I hated you. I didn't mean it."
Sam crouched down, enveloping him in a hug. "It's okay, Honey. I didn't think you meant it."
"Why were you mad, Jon?" Kelsey asked. "That wasn't nice to tell momma you hated her!"
"I know, Kelsey. I'm sorry. Lets go play on the swings, okay?"
"Okay!" Kelsey called. "Race ya!"
"Kelsey? What did I tell you about racing Jon?" Sam called.
The girl's face fell. "Oh, yeah," she said dejectedly.
"I can still beat you walking!" Jon challenged.
"Can not!"
"Can too!"
Sam shook her head as she watched her children make their way across the park. " I swear, those two sound just like you and Daniel!"
"Do not!" Jack chimed in, causing Sam to laugh out loud.
"Do too!" she added, just for good measure. "Seriously, that brings me to what I was going to tell you before all hell broke loose."
"That Daniel and I fought like little kids?"
"No," she said, slapping his arm. "I'm going to take the kids to see Daniel and Janet before Kelsey starts school. I want you to come too."
"Okay," Jack said, looking surprised. "Does this mean you're trying to get us all back together for some kinda reunion?"
"No," she said, taking his hand in hers. Sam took a deep breath. "It means I've thought about it. A lot, actually. I've decided I'm going to leave Jeff. I wanted to take the kids away. Maybe telling them someplace else will make it easier for them to hear. I don't know. I guess I thought if they weren't in the home they've grown up in, it might be easier for them to take. What do you think?"
"About where to tell them? I don't know that the location makes any difference, Sam. This is gonna be hard on them wherever you do it. You probably guessed that's what Jon and I talked about," he said.
"I figured."
"He's scared, Sam. He doesn't want to lose his dad, his family."
Sam stood up from the picnic table where they'd taken a seat, pacing before him. "I know, I know. That's why this is so hard! Damn it Jack! If this was just about you and me I wouldn't be having such a hard time! Sure, I'd feel awful about leaving my husband, but not as bad as I do now! I feel so selfish!"
Jack stood, taking her in his arms, but Sam noticed he didn't do more than give her a hug. She was actually grateful he didn't hold her closer. The last thing she needed was her kids getting upset again.
"Sam, you're not being selfish! You don't think your happiness has an effect on your kids, too? Okay, maybe I'm a little biased in this situation, but sometimes what's best for you is what's best for them, too. If I thought you'd be happy, or could maybe be happy with Jeff, I'd leave. It wouldn't be easy, but if it was the right thing, I'd do it. I don't think Jeff is the right thing for you. If you were meant to be together, my showing up here wouldn't have made any difference. But it did. I'm not saying I wouldn't have fallen in love with you all over again, but you would have told me there was no chance we could be together. You never said that. I could tell the moment I met you guys at the airport you weren't happy."
"Well, those were hardly ideal circumstances to meet us under!"
"Okay, I'll give you that, but if you had such a good marriage, Jeff wouldn't have been threatening me even before I met Jon. You both knew, even then, that you were just going through the motions."
Sam walked away from him, wrapping her arms around her waist. "You're right. I told you I'd thought about leaving him before you showed up. I guess I'm just feeling more guilty now. I mean what kind of mother divorces her kid's father when one of them is sick?"
"Sam," Jack said, coming up behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders, "I know this is going to be one of the hardest things you've ever done, but I really think you're doing the right thing. Like I said, if I thought Jeff truly loved you and wasn't just holding onto you for whatever reason, I wouldn't be pushing for you to do this. It *is* what's best for all of you."
Sam sighed, nodding her head. "I know. It's just going to be so hard to tell him, and them."
"I'll be with you, you know that."
"I'd appreciate you helping me tell the kids, but you have to promise me you'll let me tell Jeff on my own. If you're there, it'll just make things worse."
Jack ran a hand through his hair, but agreed. "Okay, Sam. You know what's best. When are you going to tell him?"
"The kids have a birthday party at their cousin's tomorrow. Cheryl's oldest boy. Anyway, I'm going to pack our stuff, and tell Jeff then. I've already asked him if he could come home early tomorrow. I figured I could tell him, then give him the week to think about things. Cool off, actually."
"That sounds like a good idea. You know, regardless, it's going to be good to see Daniel and Janet again. I've never even seen their kids!"
"Oh, they're great, and they all get along so well with Kelsey and Jon. I just wish they lived closer. I called Janet yesterday, and she says she can't wait to see us."
"You tell her about what's goin' on?"
"A little. When I mentioned your name, she pretty much had it all figured out."
"Never could get much passed her," Jack agreed.
Sam took a deep breath. "You know, now that I've decided I'm going to do this, I feel better? Oh, I'm sure I'll be nervous as hell tomorrow, but I feel good about this. You're right. It is the right thing to do. Thank you." She smiled up at him, truly happy.
"For what?"
"For being you." Sam slipped her hand in his, leading him in the direction she'd seen Jon and Kelsey go.
Jack stopped and pulled on her hand slightly, stopping her from moving forward. Sam turned around, giving him a quizzical look.
"What?"
"I just wanted to tell you how much I love you, Sam."
"Oh, Jack," she said, winding her arms around him, not caring if Jon and Kelsey were nearby or not. "I love you, too. I couldn't get through this without you."
"You better be marrying me when this is all through," he said.
Sam pulled back, looking him in the eye. "That's it? That's your proposal?"
"Well, I can't exactly get down on one knee when they're as bad as they are," he grinned.
"Some excuse," she said, pulling away from him. She tried to hide her smile, but wasn't very successful.
"Well, I suppose I could have done the whole flowers/candlelight/romantic dinner thing, but that's just so cliché," he smiled.
Sam punched him in the arm. "What am I going to do with you?"
"Marry me?" Jack's expression was so serious, Sam felt her eyes welling up. It wasn't quite the romantic proposal she'd fantasized about for years, but it *was* one hundred percent Jack O'Neill.
"You have to ask?"
***
Sam took one more look at the duffel bags sitting on her couch. She'd packed clothes for the kids and herself, plus a fourth bag filled with toys and games. The trouble with flying was the length of time they had to sit still. Jon wasn't a problem, especially lately, but Kelsey was hard pressed to sit in a seat more than five minutes. Still, this would be her first flight, so perhaps the novelty of the plane ride would help keep her entertained.
Sam turned around, about to retrieve one more toy when she saw Jeff standing in the living room, watching her.
"God, Jeff! You scared me half to death! How long have you been there?"
"Long enough to figure out you're going somewhere. Taking the kids and running away with Jack?"
Sam felt nervous tension knot in her stomach. It wasn't far from the truth. "No, I'm not. Do you think I'd ask you to come home if I was planning to 'run away,' as you put it?"
Jeff just glared at her. "So, where are the kids, anyway?"
"They're at Cheryl's. I told you about the birthday party this morning."
"Right," he said, distracted. "What's going on, Sam?"
Taking a deep breath, smoothing down her T-shirt, Sam looked up at him. "I'm taking the kids and going to see Daniel and Janet. After the way the summer's been, I thought we could all use a break before Kelsey starts kindergarten."
"And you didn't think about asking me to go?"
"Jeff, you've been telling me all summer how busy you are. I thought it would just be better if it was me and the kids."
"And O'Neill? Is he going too?"
Sam looked down at her hands that were twisting near her waist. This wasn't how she'd planned on telling him Jack was coming with her. "Yeah, he is. He's friends with Daniel and Janet too."
"And I suppose I'm not? Well I guess not like you all are. All that top secret military stuff made you guys 'bond,' right?"
"Yeah, that had a lot to do with it," Sam agreed.
"I'm so God-damned sick of all this military shit! So I just get pushed by the wayside, while O'Neill just steps in and takes my place?" Sam stared at him. How was it he made even her going on vacation about the military?
Sam had no idea it was going to be this hard. She'd been so incensed over his behavior lately, she thought it would be easy to look him in the eye and tell him she was leaving, and not coming back.
"Jeff," Sam said, taking a step closer, "Jack's not going to take your place. You're always going to be Kelsey and Jon's father. Nothing is going to change that."
"You don't even have the decency to deny it?" Jeff screamed at her. "I'm surprised you didn't just leave a note on top of the divorce papers!"
"Jeff, this doesn't have to be this way! We can still be friends! Why are you making things so hard on yourself?"
"Oh, *I'm* making this hard on myself?! I should just let you go? Hold the door for you on the way out? Maybe you'd like me to drive you to the airport?"
"Stop it, Jeff! You know what I mean!" Sam turned away, taking a deep breath to calm her nerves. Screaming at each other wasn't going to accomplish anything. Turning back to face him, she lowered her voice.
"You know things haven't been right between us for a long time. Jon's getting sick just forestalled the inevitable."
"You're wrong! If O'Neill hadn't shown up, I know we could have made things work!"
It was his same argument--blaming Jack for the inadequacies of their marriage. "Jeff, we've been over this. I was feeling this way before Jack showed up, you know that," she sighed. "Besides, do you think I would have had such a hard time calling him if that's what I had planned? The most I was hoping for was for him to be civil so Jon could get his transplant!"
"Well, he certainly was a lot more than civil, wasn't he? How long did it take before you two were laughing over old times? A day? Two? There couldn't have been too much animosity between you! And you certainly weren't just being 'civil' in these," he said, going to his jacket, retrieving a packet of photos. Tossing them on the coffee table, they spread out in fan, a visual chronological record of her meetings with Jack. There were pictures of them having coffee at the hospital; her helping Jack move; telephoto shots of the two of them in Jack's bedroom; even pictures of them in the park yesterday.
Sam looked up from the pictures, her mouth falling open. "You *did* have me followed?"
"I don't know why it comes as such a surprise. I told Jack to be wary for cameras. I thought for sure he would have told you," he said almost indifferently. "Maybe you're not as close as you'd like to think."
Sam remembered Jack mentioning the conversation, and the threats Jeff had made to her, but she never thought he was truly serious!
"I like this one the best," he said, picking up a hazy shot that had been enlarged several times to show a man and woman locked in a passionate embrace. Even with the distortion, it was obvious she was the woman and Jack was the man. "Of course this one would look better in your family album. Not any less passionate, but the resolution is better."
Sam looked at the picture in Jeff's hand. It was from the park. It must have been when Jack first kissed her. When they'd sent the kids for ice cream, for neither one of them seemed aware of the world beyond the other. Sam found herself blushing before her outrage kicked in.
"You BASTARD! How could you do this to me?!" Sam screamed, slapping him across the face as hard as she could.
Jeff's hand came up, touching the red mark her hand had left on his cheek. "How can *I* do this to *you*? You little whore! You're fucking your ex-boss and you have the nerve to call *me* a bastard? I had every right to have you followed! I have my family and my reputation to think about!"
"Oh, yeah, stooping to having your wife followed speaks of your 'sterling' reputation! If I'm such an embarrassment to you and your family, why don't you just 'cut your losses' and let me go? You know I won't make trouble for you. I don't want anything of yours."
"Except for my kids! Fine, Sam. Go. Leave. Run to your lover, but the kids stay here. You leave them and I'll drive you over to O'Neill's personally.
Sam knew he'd use this argument against her. It was one of the reasons she made sure the kids where out of the house when she broke the news to Jeff. She had to calm down. Jeff was using her anger against her, trying to get her to say or do something rash. For all she knew he had the house bugged as well!
"Jeff, I'm just taking them on vacation. You'll see them when I come back," she said evenly.
"And what about you? Are you going to come back as well?"
"Jeff, you know this is pointless. If I have to spell it out for you, I will. I want a divorce. I'm in love with Jack and I want to be with him. Do you understand now?"
Jeff paced around the living room, pulling his hair, mumbling that this wasn't happening, that she really wasn't going to leave him. It was all some weird, demented dream.
"Jeff?" Sam asked, wondering if he had indeed gone over the edge.
Jeff picked up a wedding photo, hurling at Sam, missing her by inches, the glass shattering as it hit the far wall. It was followed by a vase--a wedding gift. Then another picture frame with a family portrait crashed into the wall along with the other objects.
"Lies! It's all lies!" he ranted.
***
Jack paced his apartment, checking his watch, then every clock he had access to, from the one on the VCR to the one on the microwave. They all told him the same thing: Sam was late. She hadn't given him a specific time she'd arrive, but he knew when she was taking Jon and Kelsey to Cheryl's and approximately how long it would take to pack. She was a good hour over-due.
Why hadn't she called if she was going to be late? She never left him hanging like this. If Sam was anything, she was punctual. She couldn't have spent all those years in the Air Force and not be. Something had to be wrong, Jack surmised. This was just too weird. He thought about calling her, but if she were in the middle of telling Jeff she wanted a divorce, she wouldn't appreciate him interrupting her. She'd made him promise he wouldn't interfere, that she would meet him at his apartment with the kids and they'd go to the airport together.
Maybe she'd gotten hung up at Cheryl's. He wondered if he should try calling there. All he had was some lame excuse about looking for Jon to fall back on, but he was really starting to get worried.
Deciding it was worth the risk, Jack got Mike and Cheryl's number from information.
Cheryl answered with a rather short-tempered, "hello?"
"Cheryl? It's Jack O'Neill. I was wondering if Sam had come for the kids yet."
"Uh, no," she said, sounding surprised and confused. "Were you looking for her?"
*Think fast, O'Neill, why do you need to talk to her?* "Yeah, uh, I knew she was taking the kids to see some friends, and Jon left his Gameboy in my car the other day. I wanted to get it back to him before they left."
Jack winced as he told Cheryl the half-truth. Well, it had it's basis in fact, he reasoned. Jon *had* left the game in the car, but it really wasn't necessary for Jack to get it back to him.
"What's his Gameboy doing in your car?" Cheryl asked, sounding suspicious.
"Oh, we took the kids to Minnehaha Falls yesterday. Kinda for a 'been-home-a-week' celebration." Jack figured it was better to be honest with her, especially since Jon or Kelsey might have mentioned the trip.
"Just, you, Sam and the kids?" she asked.
"I promised Jon we'd do something when he was feeling better," he said, trying to belittle the fact they'd gone on a typical family outing. "Well, thanks anyway, Cheryl, sorry I bothered you."
"No trouble. I hope you guys connect."
"Yeah, thanks." *Well, that wasn't too bad,* Jack thought as he hung up the phone. Okay, now he was officially worried. It probably wasn't the smartest move calling Sam's sister-in-law, but he had to know what was going on.
With each passing minute he felt the tension rising within him, feeling almost sick to his stomach. Jack made one more lap around the apartment before grabbing his car keys.
Driving along the expressway, he ran a hand through his hair, wondering again if he was doing the right thing. Sam had told him in no uncertain terms not to come over, but he just couldn't shake the feeling something was wrong. What if she was trying to call him? What if he'd just been too impatient and he showed up in the middle of her trying to tell Jeff things were over?
The closer he got to Edina the more anxious he felt. He may not have Sam's brains, but he'd always had a good sense of impending danger. He'd made it out of impossible situations more times than he could count based on his gut reactions. This time his gut was telling him Sam was in trouble.
Pulling onto the Greenfield's street, Jack noticed Jeff's truck in the driveway. Perhaps telling him she wanted a divorce wasn't the only thing he was fighting her on. It could be Jeff was arguing against her going to Canada as well. Maybe he was trying to talk her out of it, and she just hadn't been able to get away.
Jack almost turned around when he heard a resounding crash, followed by a second, then a third. Then there were shouts, Jeff's shouts, but he couldn't make out the words.
That was enough to galvanize Jack. He was out of the car, banging on their door almost before the engine of the car turned off.
"Sam! Are you all right?" he called.
"Jack!" she cried. From his position on the porch he couldn't tell if was a yell for help, or for him to leave. Well, he damn sure wasn't about to leave when he'd heard the sound of breaking glass, even out in the street!
Jack could feel the eyes of the neighbors on him as he tried the door handle. Naturally it was locked. Throwing his shoulder into the solid door, he briefly wondered how they made it look so easy on TV.
Abandoning the idea of getting through the front door, Jack ran around to the side of the house with the deck. Picking up a metal chair, he hurled it through the patio door. Damn, he was going to feel foolish if she really wasn't in trouble!
Jack's possible embarrassment ended the moment he spotted Sam crouched in a corner, glass shards spread around her. Running toward her, he didn't notice Jeff coming up behind him.
Squatting next to Sam, Jack ran a hand through her hair and down her back. "Are you okay? Are you hurt?"
"No," she whispered. "He just started throwing things! We were yelling, but then he just went crazy."
Jack heard the sound of a gun being cocked, and looked up to find a pistol aimed in his face.
"Get away from her," Jeff said calmly. "This is between me and my wife."
Jack rose slowly, hands in the air. "Hey, Jeff! There's no need for this. We can talk about it, okay? Just put the gun down."
"I don't think so."
"Look, I can see your upset, but your quarrel is with me, not Sam. Let her go."
"And have her call the cops? I don't think so." Jeff still had the gun trained on him, but his aim was off. It was obvious he wasn't used to holding a handgun.
"Jeff, how long have you had a gun?" Sam asked quietly. She seemed to have regained some of her composure as her voice was no longer shaking.
"Oh, ever since you started getting so friendly with our good friend, Jack here."
"And you've had a loaded gun in the house with the kids here?" she gasped. Jack looked over at Sam and watched the blood drain from her face. They both had to be thinking the same thing--Jon could have ended up just like Charlie.
"It was in a safe place."
"There is no safe place for a gun in this house!" she screamed.
"Oh, I see you're starting to take my view on weapons," Jeff commented, waving the pistol in Jack's face once more. "They always seem to cause accidents, don't they?"
"Jeff, we can talk about this," Jack said again.
"What good is there in talking, Jack? You want my wife and I don't want to let you have her. Simple as that." Jeff transferred the gun to his left hand, wiping his right on his pant leg before returning the gun to his dominant hand. "Slippery little things, aren't they?" he smiled. "I guess I can see how so many accidents happen in the military when you've got nervous, young recruits.
Jack shook his head slightly. Where the hell had *that* come from? Why did Jeff think every unfortunate thing in his life was the result of the military? It was no wonder Sam was tired of fighting with him about it.
"You know," Jeff said, focusing Jack's attention once more, "There has never been a divorce in the Greenfield family, and after all my parents have been through, I'm not about to be the first."
Jack didn't have an answer for him, but if he kept talking to Jeff, maybe he wouldn't notice he was moving into a more defensible position. He chanced a glance at Sam who seemed to realize what his movements meant. God, he hoped she remembered their training and how they'd gotten out of situations like this in the past.
"Jeff, what has been so horrendous that your parents have lived through?" Sam asked, distracting Jeff long enough for Jack to slide his legs into position.
"Something I'd never tell *you* about," he sneered. "Something you'd never understand, given you act like the Air Force is a religion, and you're its chief disciple."
Jack placed his left hand by his side, hoping Sam noticed the movement, and Jeff hadn't. His hand was balled into a loose fist, then he extended one, two, then three fingers. When he reached three, they both sprang, knocking Jeff off-balance.
Jeff landed with a thud on the floor and there was a mad scramble for the gun that was knocked from his hand.
"Sam! Get the gun!" Jack called as he leapt forward once more, tackling Jeff as they both tried to reach the pistol that was inches from their fingers.
Sam stood, frozen, too shocked to move.
"Move it, Carter!" Jack yelled, his command voice jarring Sam out of her stupor. Just as Sam reached for the gun, Jeff's fingers closed around it, and Jack found himself staring down the barrel as Jeff held the gun inches from his face.
Sam started sobbing, pulling on Jeff's sleeve, "Please, Jeff, don't hurt him. I'll do whatever you say. I promise I won't leave you, just please don't hurt him!"
"How touching," Jeff drawled, getting to his feet, dragging Jack up by the shirt. "The two lovers willing to sacrifice themselves for each other. I wonder, Sam, if the situation was reversed, would you be pleading for my life?" Jeff was breathing hard, hair falling into his eyes which he tossed back with a shake of his head. He'd lowered the gun slightly so it was now pointed at Jack's chest.
Jack couldn't say he'd been thrilled by the turn of events, but he wasn't down for the count yet. He wasn't about to let Sam stay with this maniac one minute longer. All he had to do was get the gun away from him, then they could all calm down without anyone getting hurt. As much as he wanted to beat the crap out of Jeff, he wasn't looking to kill him. Only hurt him a little for the grief he'd caused Sam.
Sam was still crying, hands wrapped in the cloth of Jeff's shirt sleeve. "Please, Jeff. Just let him go!"
Jeff shook her off. "Get away from me you whore! I'll deal with you later!"
The distraction was all Jack needed to grab for the gun in Jeff's hand. Their bodies were pressed together, each struggling for the weapon. Suddenly a shot rang out, and blood ran between the two men, soaking both their shirts.
"OH, MY, GOD!" Sam cried, shaking, watching the blood stain bloom across both men's shirts. "Jack?" she called. "Oh, shit! Jack!"
Jack lowered the other man to the floor, dazed at the sight of the blood on his hands. He'd seen men die in countless battles, even been the cause of them, but he never got used to that moment of shock when he realized he'd just taken someone's life.
Snapping out of his shock, Jack realized Jeff hadn't been killed by the bullet entering his chest. Immediately he checked for a pulse, then started CPR.
"Call 911!" he shouted to Sam who stood horrified at the sight of her husband lying bleeding on the floor. "Sam!" Jack called again as he began blowing air into the prone man's mouth.
He watched her run for the phone as he began chest compressions. He'd never heard Sam's voice sound so uncertain in a crisis. She'd always been the voice of reason. The one who held them together in an emergency. He wasn't used to hearing her sound so unstable.
As soon as she was through on the phone, Sam was by Jack's side. "How is he?" she asked, her eyes brimming with tears.
"Not good," Jack answered honestly. "Hopefully we can keep him going until the paramedics get here." He was breathing hard, growing tired from his efforts at resuscitation.
"Sam, I need you to take over for a few minutes," he breathed. "Just until I catch my breath."
Sam was about to relieve him when Jeff coughed, spitting up blood. "He's got a pulse," she said, pressing on his neck "It's weak, but it's there."
Jack took her in his arms, heedless of the blood he was spreading to her clothes. "It's gonna be okay," he soothed, holding her tight. "They'll get him to the hospital and he'll be fine."
Sam looked up into his eyes. "You're a terrible liar, you know that?" Just then Jeff's breathing stopped, and Sam moved over him, starting the CPR once more.
"Where the hell is that ambulance?" she cried, bending to give Jeff mouth-to-mouth.
"Sam, I've got this. You better call the police as well. I don't know if the 911 guys do that or not. This was an accident, but the longer we wait to call, the more it's going to look like it wasn't."
"You're right," Sam said, standing as Jack took over her ministrations.
Jack continued to work on Jeff, despite his fatigue. He knew his actions were probably hopeless as he should have gotten some results by now. At least the shallow breathing he was doing before. Sam was right--where the hell was that ambulance?
"Come on, Jeff, you're not gonna take the easy way out on this one. You'd like that, wouldn't you? Pin your death on me? It's not gonna happen," Jack spoke to Jeff's inert body as he pressed down on his chest. Looking up, he saw Sam finishing her conversation with the police or dispatcher, whomever she'd gotten when she called. At least her voice was more stable.
Sam hung up the phone, quickly rejoining him. "They're on their way. He still isn't breathing?" she asked, worry creeping into her voice once more. "Jack, it's been years since I've needed to do this, but even I know it's been too long!"
Jack merely nodded. "He'll be okay," he assured her, sounding out of breath. "Why don't you go out and watch for the paramedics?"
"No! I don't want to leave!"
"Sam, it'll help them find us faster! I promise I'll do everything I can!"
Sam ran her hand along his cheek. "I know. You're right." She couldn't have been gone more than a minute before Jack heard sirens approaching.
"Thank God!" Jack mumbled, as he watched the door, waiting for the medical calvary. A man and a woman burst through the door, running to where Jeff lay.
"We've got it," the man said, taking over Jack's position. The woman began checking his vitals, calling out numbers as Jack stood back, wrapping his arms around Sam as they watched the team start an I.V. Jack winced as the female paramedic inserted a long needle into Jeff's chest. In less than a minute she announced they had a heartbeat. It was faint, but there.
Quickly, they moved him to a collapsed gurney, then extended it to wheel him from the house.
Sam broke out of Jack's embrace. "Where are you taking him?"
"Fairview Southdale," the man answered her as they were hefting the gurney over the small set of stairs on the porch.
"I want to go with him!"
"I'm sorry, Ma'am, but the police are going to want to talk to you. You called them, too?"
"Yes," Sam answered. "Right after I called 911."
"They should be here any minute then," the woman smiled at her. "We'll do the best we can to get him to the hospital in time."
Sam nodded. "Of course."
Jack joined her on the porch, pulling her close as they watched the team load Jeff into the back of the ambulance. Sam buried her face on Jack's shoulder, wrapping her arms around him.
"God, Jack! How did this day turn into such a nightmare?"
"I feel like this is all my fault," he said, drawing her closer.
"*Your* fault? How can this be your fault? I'm the one who set him off by telling him I was leaving!"
"He never would have pulled that gun out if I hadn't been here," Jack said quietly.
"Maybe, but before you got here, he just kept rambling, muttering things that made no sense. Somehow even the Air Force made it's way into his rantings again."
"Yeah, caught that when he was fighting with me, too. I just don't get that, ya know? And what he said about he'd never tell you? Something must have happened to him to make him hate the military that much. He ever mention that he'd served? Maybe got shafted or something?"
"No, not even when we'd be fighting about it. You'd think if anything would have slipped out it would have been then. Of course it would go a long way to explain his attitude, and why he's so adamant about Jon not joining."
"There's still something missing," Jack said. "Gotta be some reason the whole family is in on it."
"Well, you've seen how Jeff is Ellen's pride and joy. If she felt he was wronged, she'd never give up the fight."
"Maybe."
"Oh, God! I have to call them!" Sam said, pulling away from Jack. "And the kids! Oh, shit, what am I going to tell them?"
Jack took her hand, not letting her escape him. "Yes, you should call the Greenfields. I'm sure Cheryl won't mind looking after Jon and Kelsey a little while longer, especially under the circumstances."
Sam was shaking, the adrenaline must be wearing off, Jack surmised. He wasn't feeling too steady himself.
"Come on, we'll go back inside and make some calls. I'm sure the police will be here soon, then we can go to the hospital. I don't suppose we should change clothes until we've talked to them, but I don't think it'll hurt anything if we wash our hands."
Sam looked down at the sticky red fluid on her hands, suddenly bursting into tears. "Oh, God, Jack, that could have been you! I was so scared! It's bad enough Jeff got hurt, but if it had been you. . . ."
Jack embraced her once more. "Shhh. It's okay, Sam. I know what you mean. If you'd have gotten hurt, I don't know what I would have done." He mumbled reassuring words into Sam's ear until he felt her relax. "You should make those calls."
Sam nodded again, moving out of Jack's arms. "I'll call Ellen. Would you use the cell phone and call Cheryl? I don't know how much time we're going to have before the police get here and I'm already overdue for picking the kids up."
"I know."
"You do?"
"Yeah, that's why I started to worry something was wrong. I called Cheryl to see if you'd gotten the kids, and when she said you hadn't, I started thinking something might have happened."
"It probably wasn't too smart to call her," Sam gently chided. "But if you hadn't, you might not have come over, and who knows what would have happened."
"I told her I had Jon's Gameboy and wanted to get it to you before you left. I don't know if she figured it out I was going with you. They probably would have, eventually."
"Well, they'll all know for sure, now. I guess it had to come out sooner or later," she sighed. It's just too bad it has to now, with. . .with everything else."
"I'll call Daniel and Janet too. They'll start to wonder when we don't show up."
"You're right. I forgot about them in all of this." Jack watched as Sam's eyes started tearing up again. "This is just so hard," she said, staring at the phone's handset cradled loosely in her hand.
"I know," he said. "Call, Sam. Get it over with."
***
Sam took a deep breath, punching in the Greenfield's number. It rang three times, and on the fourth, the answering machine picked up. Damn! What a time for Ellen to be off doing her volunteer work!
Sam started to leave a message when she heard a rather breathless male voice on the other end.
"Hello?"
"Darrell? It's Sam."
"Oh, hi. I guess I didn't have to run, huh?"
Sam was a bit perturbed he didn't see her call important enough to make an effort to get to the phone. "Darrell, I'm sorry, but there's been an accident. It's Jeff," she blurted.
"What happened?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
Sam hesitated, not wanting to go over the details. "He, ah, he was shot. But he's still alive. He's on the way to the hospital now," she added.
"Shot! What the hell happened?"
Sam swallowed. "We were having an argument, and he was really upset, throwing things, screaming at me. Jack happened to be coming by, heard the fight and when he tried to stop it, Jeff pulled a gun on him."
"My son would *never* have a gun," Darrell stated with absolute certainty.
"I never thought he would either," Sam said. "I don't know where it came from or how long he's had it, but when Jack tried to get the gun from him, it went off, and Jeff was shot."
"This is insane," Sam heard Darrell mutter. "I've got to find Ellen. What hospital is he in?"
"Fairview Southdale. I'm going to be heading there as soon as we're through with the police."
"What about the kids? Where are they? Do they know?"
"They're still at Cheryl's for the birthday party. Jack's calling her. I'm sure she won't say anything just yet. There's no use upsetting them when we don't know how Jeff's doing."
"What the hell is Jack doing calling Cheryl? Shouldn't you be doing that?"
"I thought you needed to know," Sam stated. "I'm not sure when the police will be here and I wanted her to know why I hadn't picked the kids up."
"Still, this news should have come from the family. Not some outsider."
Sam gritted her teeth. She knew how the Greenfields all disapproved of Jack and his continued presence, but she wasn't about to let their attitude dictate her relationship with him. As Jon's father, he had every right to stay in the vicinity.
"I've got to go, Darrell. The police are here. I'll tell you more when I see you at the hospital. Bye." She quickly hung up the phone, granting herself a reprieve from further comments. At least until she reached the hospital.
Jack set down the cell phone he'd been using. "Why did you tell him that?"
"Because I didn't want to listen to him telling me how an 'outsider' shouldn't be the one to contact Cheryl. Sam rubbed her hands over her face, taking a deep breath. "How'd she take it?"
"Well, she's shocked, of course, and has a lot of questions that I pretty much fielded for now. She say's not to worry; she'll keep the kids until you can come for them."
"Thanks for calling her," she said, reaching up and taking his hand, pulling him down next to her on the sofa. Sam leaned onto his shoulder, allowing his arm to encircle her.
"I wish they'd get here so I could get out of these clothes. All this blood is really starting to get to me. At least there's not much on the floor." Sam started to cry again. How could she sit here on the couch calmly discussing Jeff's blood as if she needed to clean up muddy footprints?
There was a knock at the front door. As Jack rose to answer it, Sam dried her tears. Two police officers entered, quickly surveying the scene.
"You called about a shooting, Ma'am?"
"Uh, yes, I did," Sam said, trying to compose herself as she rose from the sofa to greet the men. "I'm Samantha Carter-Greenfield, and this is Jack O'Neill."
"I'm Officer Straub," the tall, lanky man said. "And this is my partner, Officer Augusto," the first man said, indicating a shorter, stout man. Augusto touched his fingers to his hat in a weak salute.
"You mind if I take some photographs?" Straub asked, causing Sam to look in the direction of the coffee table. Jack must have seen the pictures and hid them.
"No, help yourself," Sam said, wondering when Jack had found the time or the presence of mind to remove the photos.
Officer Augusto began to take down names, asking Jack on the spelling of his name.
"It's two "l's," he said. "And Jack is short for Jonathan." The officer nodded once and wrote the information.
"Who can tell me what happened here?" Straub asked.
Sam explained the events of the past hour, trying to remain objective. This was no different from a debriefing, she told herself, only difference was someone she knew had died.
Looking to Jack for a moment, their eyes met. Just that small gesture of reassurance gave her the strength to go on.
"After the gun went off, Jack started doing CPR, I called 911 and then you. The ambulance came and they took Jeff. That's all I know right now. I don't even know if he made it to the hospital." Fresh tears threatened to spill as Sam looked down at her hands, trying to stay focused.
"I know this is difficult, Mrs. Greenfield. We're almost through. Mr. O'Neill? Do you have anything to add?" Officer Straub asked.
"Only that I was afraid for Sam's safety. Jeff was loud enough to be heard outside, and I wasn't sure what was happening when I heard the crashes."
"And that's when you broke the patio door, right?"
"That's right."
"And you didn't see Mr. Greenfield going for the gun, or that he had one?"
"No, not at that time, I was more concerned that Sam was all right."
"Is there a reason Mr. Greenfield would feel threatened by you, enough to attempt to warn you off with a gun?"
Sam and Jack exchanged looks, then Sam said, "The argument was about my wanting a divorce."
"I see. And I take it you and Mr. O'Neill are involved?"
Sam felt her face burning. "Yes, we are," she said quietly.
"So it's reasonable to assume this was the motive for Mr. Greenfield having a gun?"
"I didn't know he even had one!" Sam cried. "I've got two children! If I'd known about it, I'd never have allowed it in the house!"
"Where are your children now?" Augusto inquired.
"At my sister-in-laws. They're at a party this afternoon. Thankfully they weren't home at the time."
"That is fortunate," Straub agreed, looking at his partner.
"Was Mr. Greenfield aware you were thinking of divorce?" Augusto asked.
"I think he suspected it. We've been having problems for some time. I think when Jack and I became reacquainted, he realized our marriage was over."
"Reacquainted?" Straub asked, looking over at Jack. "How long have you known each other?"
Sam looked at Jack, mentally calculating. "I guess it's been close to fifteen years, don't you think?"
"Sounds about right," Jack agreed. "We had a 'falling out' about eleven years ago, and have only recently reconciled."
"I take it you were involved at that time?"
Sam and Jack looked at each other once more. "Well, yes, well, no, not really, kinda, I guess," Jack stammered.
"Which is it?" Officer Straub asked.
"We had sort of an 'encounter,'" Sam said, feeling her face redden once more. She sighed, then continued. "We were in the Air Force, and a relationship between two officers isn't allowed, so soon after the 'event,' I left the military and moved here."
Sam didn't think they needed *every* detail! Hell, this was off-track enough! She supposed she understood the line of questioning. The policemen were trying to get an idea of everyone's state of mind at the time of the shooting, but this just seemed so . . .personal.
"With you leaving the Air Force, wasn't your problem basically resolved?"
"Except Jack was angry I'd left. That was the 'falling out.'" Sam said.
"And you haven't had contact in eleven years?"
"No, there just never seemed to be a way for me to call him." Sam looked at Jack, knowing he hated going over this again as much as she did. The past was behind them. Why did someone or something always keep making them dredge it up?
"But recently you could?"
"There was a situation I needed Jack's help with. I was forced to contact him."
"And what was that situation?"
Sam drew in a deep breath. She'd really tried to keep Jon out of all this, but she could see the policemen were going to make her reveal everything.
"The reason I left the Air Force is I was pregnant, with Jack's child. I'd never told him we had a son until he became ill this summer with aplastic anemia and needed a bone marrow transplant. None of us was a match, and my last option was to see if Jack, as his biological father, would be compatible. That's when I contacted Jack again."
The first officer raised his eyebrows at the revelation. "That's quite a story. I take it Mr. Greenfield was aware of all this?"
"Yes, he was. He was threatened by Jack's mere presence, even though he'd told Jeff repeatedly he wasn't out to replace him as Jon's father."
"I have nothing against him," Jack said, "other than the way he treats Sam. He does a great job raising Jon. I really didn't have a quarrel with him other than his obsession with hanging on to Sam. If his behavior lately hadn't been so erratic, I probably wouldn't have even come over here today to check on her."
"His behavior's been erratic?" Officer Augusto asked.
"He's been having mood swings, I guess you'd call them," Sam said. "Being really horrible to me one minute, and then turning on the charm as soon as he had an audience."
"Have you mentioned this to anyone else?" Straub asked.
"Well, I tried to bring it up to my sister-in-law, Jeff's sister, but she just put it down to stress with Jon's illness. I think she didn't want to see the truth. Jack was the only one who believed me."
"Well, it would be better if you had some other neutral party that could back you up on this, Mrs. Greenfield, but given the other evidence we have I think we have a fairly good idea what happened here. For what it's worth, I believe you. It's not my place to comment on the situation, but I can tell you I don't feel this was pre-meditated in any way, so I'm going to report it as an accident," Straub said, writing some notes on the form Officer Augusto had been filling out. "We may have some more questions, but you're free to go. I know you want to get to the hospital and find out what's going on."
"Thank you, officers," Sam said, standing and shaking both men's hands. Jack did the same, then escorted them to the door. Once the squad car left the driveway, Sam fell into Jack's arms.
"God, I was so scared! I was sure when they found out we'd been seeing each other they'd think we could have planned this somehow."
"It's gonna be over soon," Jack soothed, rubbing her back. "I'll wait until we get back from the hospital to call Danny; I'll have a little more news then."
"Jack, maybe it would be better if I went alone. I'm sure all the Greenfields are going to be there, and they're not going to be too receptive to your showing up with me."
"Tough. Ya think I'm gonna let you walk into that mess by yourself? You're crazy."
Sam hugged him closer. "Thank you, Jack. I could really use your support." She stepped away from him, looking at his blood stained clothes. She shivered at the thought of where it came from. "I think you better change. Me too," she said, looking down at the bloody hand-prints on her clothes. "And I've got to clean-up this. . . ." Tears flooded her eyes again. She just couldn't stop crying. Every time she thought she had her emotions under control, they'd sneak back up on her again.
"Sam, I'll do it. Just show me where you keep the cleaning supplies. I put my bags in the car before I came over. I'll clean it up before I change."
She hugged him again. "What would I do without you?" she whispered. "I love you so much, but I feel guilty I'm so grateful it wasn't you."
"I know, I know," he said, holding her so tightly it was hard for her to breathe.
Sam pulled back once more, giving Jack a tentative smile. If I don't stop carrying on, we'll never get to the hospital."
Jack placed his hands on either side of her face, holding her still while he kissed her. "It's gonna be all right," he assured once again. "Maybe not right away, but it will be eventually. You just hold on to that thought, okay?"
"Okay," she said, leaving his arms. He was right. Things had to get better, they couldn't possibly get any worse.
***
Walking into the hospital, Sam realized she'd been a bit too optimistic about things getting better. As she approached Ellen, Darrell, Mike, Cindy and Tom, she could tell Jeff's condition hadn't improved.
"It's about time you got here," Ellen spat, tears flowing down her face. "Couldn't leave your lover long enough to see if your husband was still alive?"
Sam looked from one shocked face to another. Whether their expression was due to Ellen's uncharacteristic comment or news they'd received, she couldn't tell. It wasn't hard to see where Jeff's caustic nature came from.
"We were talking with the police," Sam said quietly. "This is the first chance we've had to come. How's he doing?"
Ellen and Darrell looked at the rest of their family, then Darrell spoke, "Jeff died on the way here."
"NO!" Sam cried, burying her face in Jack's chest, barely aware his arms had wound around her. "This can't be happening," she mumbled.
"Oh, it's very real," Ellen's bitter voice penetrated the haze of Sam's thoughts. "I was playing bridge when I got the message to call home. Imagine my surprise when I found out my son had been shot! And you have the unmitigated *gall* to bring his murderer here, and turn to him for comfort!" Ellen was practically hysterical by the end of her speech, having to be dragged away from Sam by Darrell.
Sam stood away from Jack's embrace. "Jack did nothing wrong, other than prevent me from getting hurt! He's the one who kept your son alive until the paramedics came, so don't you *dare* imply it's his fault this happened or it's 'improper' for him to be here!"
"I warned my son about marrying you! I told him it would lead to nothing but trouble, and now you've killed him!"
"*I* killed him? Who's the one who kept a loaded gun in my house without my knowledge? Who's the one who had me followed? Who's the one who tried to blackmail me into not divorcing him? Don't you go on about what an innocent victim your son was when he came after *me!*"
"Sam," Jack said, pulling her away from Ellen, his voice steady. "You're both upset. She's just lost her son. Don't say something you're gonna regret."
Sam looked at him, tears of anger, frustration and sorrow in her eyes. God! She felt like all she'd done for months now was cry! What happened to the strong woman who used to be Sam Carter? The one who could handle tough situations and keep cool? Perhaps she'd been left at the SGC along with everyone else.
"You're right, Jack," she said, turning and walking slightly away from the group of people, trying to regain her composure. Jack remained, speaking to Jeff's family.
"I know you all think I have no place here, in any capacity, but you're wrong. Someone has to be here for Sam, because none of you obviously are." Turning to Ellen Jack's tone softened.
"Believe it or not, I can understand your pain. My son was killed by a gun as well, only it was due to my negligence. So while you have the loss of your son to deal with, just be grateful you don't have guilt to add to your sorrow."
Ellen's voice was steely as she responded to Jack. "And I suppose that's supposed to justify your being here? If you'd never come, this would never have happened!"
"Maybe," Jack said, "but then it would have been something else. I'm wasn't the cause of Sam and Jeff's problems, and you know it. Sticking your head in the sand isn't gonna bring Jeff back."
Sam heard Jack's footsteps coming closer, turning she gave him a small smile. "Thanks. I guess I do need that knight in shining armor after all."
"I'm sorry if I spoke out of turn, but it's true--they're all so caught up in their own grief and blame they can't see this is hurting you too."
"I've never felt I belonged in their family. This only proves they felt I didn't belong either."
"Ah, excuse me, Sam, Jack, I know this probably isn't the best time for this, but we still really don't know what happened. Maybe if you told us, Ellen and Darrell might be a little more civil. You really didn't give Darrell a whole lot of information when you called," Tom said. Sam suspected as the other "outsider," he felt compelled to bring both sides together.
Sam nodded, rubbing Tom's arm. "I guess with all that happened I forgot you didn't know."
Jack wound his arm around her shoulders, giving them a squeeze. She smiled at him and said, "you don't have to do this, you know. I can tell them."
"I know," he said squeezing her shoulders once again. "We're in this together. I'm not letting go now."
***
Telling the Greenfields how Jeff had been shot actually went smoother than Sam had anticipated. Everyone seemed to agree that it was an unfortunate accident. Everyone except for Ellen. She continued to stare at Sam as if she'd taken a knife and plunged it into her son's heart. She'd go from weeping uncontrollably to lashing out at Sam whenever she spoke.
Even though it wasn't necessary for Sam to identify Jeff's body, she asked to see him anyway. Jack offered to go with her, despite of the fit Ellen was throwing, but she told him she had to see him alone.
Seeing Jeff's inert body shocked her. He wasn't the first corpse she'd seen, but then she hadn't seen many lately. Nor had she been as emotionally close to them as she had Jeff. She'd spent ten years with him, and despite their problems, there had been good times. The way he wined and dined her, showed her parts of the city she was beginning to call home. His concern during her pregnancy. Not just Kelsey, but Jon as well. Taking Lamaze classes together, discussing baby names. Watching the kids grow. She knew the majority of her fond memories were tied with Kelsey and Jon, and not necessarily with themselves. For that she did feel a little guilty. In the beginning he was a good man, and he had deserved a woman who could truly love him back.
Had she driven him to his violent behavior? If she'd loved him more would he have remained the kind, caring man she'd married? The initial fight when she'd told his family about her military career seemed to be the defining event. The one that started the bubble cracking. At the time, it seemed so insignificant, but as she looked back, it truly seemed to be the catalyst. Jack was right. There had to be some missing piece she wasn't aware of.
"What was it?" she asked Jeff's still form. "What was it about the military that caused this change in you?"
Sam wiped her eyes, then continued. "I never wanted this, you know. I never wanted to hurt you, and I certainly didn't want you to die. I can't help that I love Jack, that even though I wouldn't admit it, I've always loved him. I'm sorry I used you, trying to get over him. It wasn't fair, I know. But what you've done to me wasn't fair either. We could have settled this amicably. The kids would have had time with both of us. There would have been three adults in their family. Would that have been so terrible?"
Sam knew she'd never get the answers she craved, but it helped to voice them. "Now I have to tell your children, the ones you were so obsessed with keeping, that you're dead. How am I supposed to do that, Jeff? Kelsey is going to be so lost without you. And what about Jon? If you could have only heard the way he was defending you to Jack, I don't think you'd have been so jealous. He loved you. *You* were his father. He sees Jack as a friend, and if your mother has anything to say about it, she's going to turn them both against Jack. So, maybe you Greenfields have won after all. I should have realized what I was up against and just gave in, shouldn't I? Well, I didn't. and I'm not going to give up now. I won't let your mother turn my children against Jack. They might not see him as a parent, but at least they'll see him as a friend."
Sam ran her hands through her short hair, drying her eyes again. "I'm going now. I'm sorry things ended this way. I hope you're at peace now." Sam leaned over and kissed his cold cheek. "Good-bye, Jeff."
***
When the Greenfields insisted on handling the arrangements for Jeff's funeral, Sam didn't argue. She had enough on her mind. Like what she was going to tell her kids. Besides, this way, Ellen could have things arranged to her satisfaction. And that suited Sam just fine.
Soon after she saw Jeff, Sam and Jack left the hospital to retrieve Jon and Kelsey. Neither spoke as they made the drive to Cheryl's. Jack reached over, taking Sam's hand, and she felt her throat constrict again. She didn't need him to say anything right now, and Jack seemed to sense that, just the reassurance of his touch was enough. How was it he knew her so well, she wondered, considering the time they'd spent apart. Sam smiled at him squeezing his hand back. They kept their hands joined, resting on the console between the bucket seats.
"Turn here," Sam said. "It's the second house on the left."
Turning into the driveway, Sam noticed her children running in the front yard, playing tag or some other game that had the kids orbiting around Jon like satellites.
"They look so happy," Sam said, turning to Jack. "I don't want to tell them here, okay?"
"That's understandable. Sam, I don't want you to go home tonight. I don't want the kids to have to go there either. Stay with me. We can tell them at my place. Maybe it'll be easier for them to hear the news if they're not surrounded by memories."
Sam nodded. "I don't want to be alone," she said, looking at him.
"Undomesticated equines could not drag me from your side," he said, trying to lighten her mood.
Sam chuckled. "Where did *that* come from?"
"It's something Teal'c said to me. Remember when that alien "orb" had me pinned to the wall in the 'gate room? Teal'c was attempting to tell a joke. Worked on me, so I thought it might make you smile too. Guess it worked, huh?" he smirked.
"Jack O'Neill, you have the most perverse sense of humor of anyone I know," Sam said, shaking her head.
"I am kinda lovable, aren't I?"
"Definitely," she said, seriously. "I think we better get this over with."
Cheryl met them at the door as Sam was about to knock. Jack was watching the kids playing when they suddenly noticed him on the porch.
"Hi, Jack!" Jon called, almost running over to him.
"Hey, Sport," Jack said, ruffling his hair. Jon didn't say anything, just ran a hand through the unruly mass.
"And here's the Squirt," Jack said, tugging on Kelsey's ear.
"I'm *not* a squirt!" Kelsey said, stamping her foot.
"Oh, then what shall I call you?"
"My name is Kelsey," she stated crossing her arms, standing just like Sam did when she was making a point.
"All right then, *Kelsey,* how 'bout you, me, Jon and your cousins play a game while your mom talks to Aunt Cheryl?"
"Goody! I want to play Red Rover, but they say I'm too little, but if you play they can't say that!"
Jack looked at Sam with a pleading look.
"Hey, don't look at me," she smiled. "You're the one who started this!"
Jack sighed as he stepped off the porch. "Me an' my big mouth," he grumbled, but Sam could tell he was complaining for her benefit. The "normalcy" of his behavior helping to restore some of her balance.
"Sam," Cheryl said, dragging her into the house, "I know you're trying to act like nothing's wrong for the kids sake, but you have to tell me what happened! Mike called me a few minutes ago and told me Jeff was shot, but how? I mean what was Jeff doing with a gun in the first place?"
"Oh, Cheryl," Sam sighed. "I feel as though I've repeated this story a hundred times already," she said, sitting down on the sofa, scrubbing her face with her hands.
"I don't know what else I can tell you. I'm sure Mike gave you the pertinent details. I don't know how or when Jeff got the gun," Sam said, looking up at Cheryl as she joined her on the couch. "Obviously he didn't want me to know about it. I still get shivers thinking about that. . .time bomb being in my house. He had the damn thing loaded, with no safety on it!"
"Oh, my, God," Cheryl breathed, staring at her wide-eyed. "That'd freak me out, too." She waited a moment then said, "so, that's what the fight was about?"
"No, I was planning on taking the kids to see some friends in Canada. Janet and Daniel Jackson, I think you've heard me mention them before."
"Yeah, the names sound familiar," she said. "So Jeff got that upset just over you taking a vacation?"
"Well, I'd asked Jack to go, and not him."
"Oh," Cheryl said, her expression conveying her disapproval.
"Daniel and Janet are old colleagues of ours from my Air Force days. They'd invited him as well as me."
"But not Jeff," Cheryl said.
"They didn't say that, but I didn't ask him," Sam said. She could see the question Cheryl was about to ask and elaborated. "Jeff had been telling me all summer how busy he was, plus, knowing how he felt about the military, I figured the last thing he wanted to do was sit around all week with us exchanging old 'war stories.'"
"I suppose, but you could have asked him. You know, for your husband having just been shot, you sure seem awfully calm," Cheryl observed.
Sam got up and paced the room. "And if I were crying hysterically that would be better? Cheryl, I've finally gotten so I've stopped shaking and I can talk about this without bursting into tears and now I'm too sedate? I'm sorry my grief isn't living up to your expectations!" Sam squared her shoulders, heading for the door.
"Thanks for looking after the kids for me, we'll be going now."
"Sam, wait! Look, I'm sorry. I guess Mike's attitude is rubbing off on me. They were a little 'upset,' to say the least, that Jack showed up with you."
"I couldn't make it through this without him," Sam said, turning to face Cheryl.
"I know the two of you have a bond that we don't understand," she said.
"It's more than just Jon," Sam said. "Jack and I have been through so much in the past, it's like we know what the other one is thinking and feeling. It was like that with the other guys on our team, too. It's what made us special. I can't explain it, and I sure as hell am not going to apologize for it."
"I'm not asking you to, Sam, but I do have to ask you this, and I promise I won't tell the rest of the family. Are you and Jack having an affair?"
Sam looked down at her hands, watching her fingers twist nervously with each other. She never thought of it in terms of an affair. It seemed like such a dirty word, so condemning. "Yeah, I guess technically, we are." Now Sam did cry. "It's not like we planned this or anything, and I can't help the way I feel."
Cheryl pulled her into a hug. "I know." she said, holding her as Sam literally cried on her shoulder.
"That's what the fight was about, wasn't it?" Cheryl asked. "You told Jeff you were leaving him."
Sam pulled back. "How did you know?"
"Well, it stands to reason, with the way you and Jack feel about each other. I don't see either one of you being willing to give the other up."
"I never wanted this to happen," Sam said, wiping her eyes. "You have to believe that."
"Sam, I've known you ten years, and in all that time I never once thought you were anything but loyal to Jeff. But the moment I saw you with Jack, I knew. I guess I'm just a little surprised you acted on it. I know you didn't plan on this, but it *did* happen, and unfortunately it's gone beyond just you and him."
"I know. If Jeff could have just talked to me, instead of getting so crazy, he'd still be alive. But he was obsessed, you know? I know it wasn't because he loved me so much. Don't get me wrong, I know he loved me in his own way, but his hanging on to me was more to get back at Jack than it was concern for our marriage. He said some pretty ugly things to me when we were arguing."
"Like what?"
"Oh, mostly name calling, but it wasn't the first time. I don't know what it was that pushed him over the edge, but he wasn't the same man I married. I suppose that made me even more receptive to Jack when he arrived."
"Sam, I know Ellen, and she is probably blaming you for all this, but don't let her get to you, huh? I can't imagine what she must be going through. You know Jeff was her favorite. If you ever feel like talking, give me a call, okay?"
Sam hugged Cheryl again. "Thank you," she whispered. "You don't know what that means to me."
"Hey, us 'outsiders' have to stick together, right?"
"Right. Thanks again, Cheryl, for the kids and everything," Sam said, heading for the door. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"
"Sounds good. And Sam? Hang in there."
Sam nodded, opening the door. Shading her eyes from the afternoon sun, she looked for Kelsey, Jon and Jack. There was an undeveloped lot behind Cheryl and Mike's house, and that's where she found them. Jack, of course was easy to spot because of his size, but he was getting as excited as the kids when an opposing team member tried to break through their line. Sam shook her head, smiling, wondering if she was up to three kids at the moment.
***
Jack pulled out onto the expressway as Jon cried, "Hey, Jack! You're going the wrong way!"
"I thought maybe you guys would like to spend a night at my place tonight," Jack said, trying to sound nonchalant.
"I thought we were going to Daniel and Janet's," Jon said, sounding disappointed.
Sam and Jack exchanged glances, then Sam said, "well, we missed our flight, so we'll have to see about going later."
"Aww, man!" Jon whined, slumping in his seat. "I knew when Aunt Cheryl said you'd be late something had happened and we wouldn't get to go!"
"Hey, now!" Jack said, looking in the rearview mirror to see Jon's face. "What's so bad about spending the night at my place? You've never even been there!"
"No, but I was looking forward to seeing Sean. And how come we don't just go home? Won't Dad wonder where we are?"
"Look! There's the Mall of America!" Jack cried, trying to distract Jon from his current line of questioning. "You guys ever been there?"
"Hundreds of times," Jon said, still sulking.
"I got to go on some rides there," Kelsey said. "I like it there. Can we go? I wanna go on some rides!"
"Maybe some other time," Sam said, looking over at Jack again, this time her expression didn't seem so confident.
"Whaddya say we order in a pizza, get some movies and just hang out? It'll kinda be like a sleep over."
Jon seemed to perk up at that suggestion. "Can we pick out the movies?"
"Sure," Jack said. "What ever you want."
"I guess it won't be so bad if we don't get to Daniel and Janet's tonight," Jon said.
Jack blew out a breath and looked over at Sam. At least he hadn't asked any more questions about Jeff. He wondered if they even needed to stop for movies. Once Sam told them about their father, Jack was sure a movie would be the last thing on their minds.
God, what Sam must be going through, he thought. He knew how much his own stomach was in turmoil, it had to be twice as bad for her. She never ceased to amaze him. Even in a situation like this, she remained strong, holding up much better than he expected.
The trip to rent movies was an experience in itself. Neither Jon nor Kelsey could agree on a film, and after nearly a half an hour, Jack finally decreed they could each get one. Then they started squabbling about who got to watch their movie first.
"I thought you said they get along," Jack said, pulling into the parking lot of his building.
"This is getting along. You'll know it when they aren't!" Sam smiled.
"This is where you live, Jack?" Jon asked, staring at the red brick exterior of the former mansion. "It's old!" he cried.
"Vintage," Jack corrected.
"Mom, what's 'vintage' mean?" Jon asked
"Old," she replied, laughing at the look Jack gave her.
"It's better on the inside," Jack said, feeling slightly defensive.
"I'll bet," Jon whispered to Kelsey, causing her to giggle.
Jack knew he must have looked disappointed because Sam leaned over and said,
"Hey, if they're picking on you, at least they're not fighting!"
Jack got out of the car, opening the door and unbuckling Kelsey. "Okay, since you guys have been pickin' on where I live, this means I get to choose what goes on the pizza!"
They all started arguing with him at once as they walked toward the entrance of the building.
"Okay, you guys gotta be quiet now, because I'm sneakin' ya in. They don't allow kids here."
"How come?" Kelsey said, her voice sounding even louder in the quiet hallway.
"Because they're so noisy!" he whispered at her, almost as loud, causing her to start laughing again.
"Okay," Jack said, this time lowering his voice. "We'll all be real quiet until we get to my apartment, right?"
"Right!" Jon said, his voice only slightly less than it's usual volume.
Opening his door, Jack noticed his neighbor, Mrs. Simon, peaking through her door, which was slightly ajar.
"'Evenin' Mrs. Simon! How are you today?" Jack called, causing the woman to promptly slam her door.
"She's the nosiest woman I've ever met, and she hates getting caught!" Jack whispered to them as he ushered everyone inside.
Jack was doing everything he could to keep the mood light. Perhaps he was going a bit overboard, but he knew what Sam and her kids were going to be facing soon, and he wanted to keep them happy as long as he could. Once inside, he suggested to Sam they order the pizza right away, and eat dinner before she told them. There was no way they were going to feel like eating after Sam broke her news.
Jon walked around Jack's apartment, surveying the sparse furnishings. "You got any games?"
"No, not really. I've got a deck of cards, though. Wanna see if you remember what I taught you about poker?"
"Sure! I've even got some money to bet this time!" Jon emptied the pockets of his jeans, tossing the contents onto the coffee table. Besides the requisite blue lint, there was about two dollars in change along with a piece of wrapped candy that looked like it'd spent more than a day in his pocket. Jon unwrapped the candy, promptly popping it into his mouth.
"Can Mom play too?" Jon asked, his speech distorted from the candy in his mouth.
"Sure," Jack said, looking at his watch. "We should have time for a few hands before the pizza gets here."
"I wanna play too!" Kelsey said, sitting on the floor next to Jon.
"You're too little," he said. Before another argument could break out, Jack interjected,
"Tell you what, Kelsey, we'll give you some cards and when it's you're turn you can play some of them, okay?"
Jon rolled his eyes, but kept silent, as Jack dealt the cards.
"Sam? You in?" Jack called.
"Yeah, I'll be there in a minute." Sam stepped out of the bathroom and Jack could tell she'd been crying. He wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms, but settled for a smile as she joined him on the couch.
Using the coffee table as their playing surface, Jack started the game. Neither he nor Sam were concentrating on what they were doing, and Jon ended up winning every hand. The arrival of the pizza put an end to their poker game, saving Jack from feigning interest in the cards.
Fortunately, the kids didn't seem to notice the somber mood of the adults as Sam and Jack toyed with their dinner. Jon was attacking the food with gusto, talking about the birthday party and what they'd done with their cousins. Forcing a smile, Sam nodded at appropriate places, but Jack could tell she was preoccupied with how to start a conversation she was dreading.
"So, we're going to go see Sean and his mom and dad tomorrow, right?" Jon asked, reaching for another slice of pizza.
Sam looked over at Jack, taking a deep breath then returned her gaze to her children. "Uh, no, it's going to be a few more days, but I think we'll go see them after that."
"Why do we gotta wait so long?" Jon whined..
Sam set down her half-eaten pizza, wiping her hands on a napkin. "I'm not quite sure how to tell you both this, so I guess I'm just going to have to just say it."
Jack started to rise, hoping to give Sam a little privacy, but she placed her hand on his arm, stopping him. "Please, Jack do you mind staying?"
"No! I just thought. . . ."
"It helps to know you're here," she said. Jack noticed she moved her hand back to her lap. He knew as well as she did that any overt signs of affection between them were inappropriate at this time.
"Kids, there was an accident today," Sam started, taking a deep breath. "Your dad was shot."
"Shot!" Jon cried. "Did someone try to rob us?"
"No. I was getting ready for us to take our trip, and when you're dad came home, we got into a fight."
Kelsey and Jon already looked scared, just at the mention of a fight between their parents.
"But you made up, right?" Jon asked.
"I tried to get him to stop yelling," Sam said, "but he was so angry he wouldn't listen to me."
"Like the time I left my bike in the driveway and Daddy ran over it?" Kelsey asked, her big blue eyes seeming even larger as tears threatened to spill.
"Yeah, Honey, like that, only he was much more upset with me."
"What were you guys fighting about?" Jon asked.
"Adult stuff. I don't think you'd understand. Anyway, your dad was yelling so loud, you could hear him outside. Jack was coming by to pick me up to take me to your Aunt's house. He heard how angry your dad was and he was afraid he was hurting me."
"Dad would never hurt you!" Jon cried.
"Well, I didn't know that," Jack said, trying to take a bit of the pressure off Sam. "When I got inside, I saw your mom wasn't hurt." He stopped there, letting Sam continue.
"Your dad was even more angry that Jack was there," Sam said, glancing over at Jack. "He had a gun and was telling Jack to get out.," she said, her voice just above a whisper.
"Dad was gonna kill Jack?" Jon exclaimed.
"I don't think he wanted to kill him, Jon. I think he just wanted to scare him." It wasn't exactly the truth, but close enough. Jack knew Sam was walking a fine line between defending his actions and not discrediting Jeff in his children's eyes.
"Jack was trying to talk to him, to get him to put down the gun and talk about why he was so mad."
Jack looked at the frozen features of the children before him, their eyes trained on their mother, waiting for her to continue.
Sam swallowed and began again. "Jack tried to get the gun away from your dad, but he didn't want to let go. They were fighting over it when it went off, and your dad was accidentally shot." Sam stopped to wipe the tears that started to flow, then added,
"He was bleeding a lot, and not breathing. Jack tried to help him, and for a while it worked. When the ambulance arrived, they got your dad breathing again, and I thought he was going to make it."
"What do you mean?" Jon asked, looking between his mother and Jack. "Isn't Dad in the hospital?"
"He, uh, he died on the way to the hospital," she whispered, tears running down her face. Sam dropped down to the floor, enveloping her children in tight hug. Jon allowed her to hold him for a moment before he pushed her away.
"No! I don't believe you! You're just saying this because you want to be with Jack! Dad isn't dead! He can't be dead!" Jon ran to where he'd tossed his jacket, grabbing it, he moved toward the door.
"I want to go home now! I want to see Dad!"
Sam got up and went over to him. "Jon, I told you the truth! I'm sorry, but denying it didn't happen isn't going to change things!"
Jon started to cry. "I don't believe you!" he said again, tears streaming down his face. "I want to go home! Please, Mom! I want to see my dad!"
Jack's heart nearly broke as he watched Sam try to pull Jon into her arms once more. He looked over at Kelsey who continued to sit on the floor, looking bewildered. It was obvious she didn't understand what was going on. Wondering if he had a right to intrude on Sam's family, he took a chance and approached the confused girl.
"I don't understand," Kelsey said, her bottom lip quivering and tears starting to slip from her eyes. Jack held out his arms and she allowed him to embrace her, laying her head on his shoulder.
"I sorta know what dead is," she said, sitting up to look at Jack. "I had a goldfish named Petey and he died. Daddy said he was with the other fishes in Heaven. Is my daddy in Heaven with Petey?" she asked, causing Jack's already thick throat to constrict even further.
"Yeah," was all he could manage.
"Daddy said it's like going to sleep and never coming back," she said, tears starting to flow in earnest now. "I don't want my daddy to go away!" she wailed.
"Oh, Kelsey, I didn't want your daddy to go away either. It was an accident. Do you know what that means?"
"When you do something but you can't help it?" she asked.
"Yeah, something like that. Kinda like when you left your bike out and your dad ran over it. I don't think you meant to leave it there, did you?"
"No, I sort of just forgot," Kelsey said, picking at the buttons on the front of Jack's shirt.
"This was kinda the same thing. I was trying to keep your dad from getting either of us hurt, but it didn't work."
Kelsey pushed away from him, and Jack let her down. He watched her cross to Sam and Jon and crawl onto her mother's lap. Jon had calmed down some, but he was still begging Sam to take them home. Part of him thought maybe it would be better for them to be in their own home, but then Jack thought about the state their house was in. He'd cleaned the stains off the floor as best he could, and cleaned up the glass from the shattered patio door, but the evidence was still more graphic than the kids needed to see. For the first time he thought of the fact that Sam's house was vulnerable with an unlockable entrance. He'd have to remedy it tomorrow.
"Jon!" Sam finally said firmly, "we aren't going to go home tonight! I don't think I could face. . . ." Sam hugged Kelsey closer.
Jon softened at the sight of his mother crying. "I'm sorry, Mom," he said wrapping his arms around his mother and sister.
Jack watched them for a moment, wishing there was some way he could add his own measure of comfort, but this was between the three of them. He also knew this relatively calm acceptance wasn't going to last. They were all in shock right now; the full impact of Jeff's death hadn't hit them yet.
Jack started to clean up the remains of their dinner, wondering if it was worth saving the rest. He was in the kitchen, tossing out disposable plates and cups when Sam walked in, carrying a bottle of soda. Jack peeked around the corner, noticing he couldn't see Kelsey or Jon from his location. He pulled Sam into his arms, stroking her hair.
"How're ya doin'?"
Sam held on for a few minutes before backing up slightly. "Okay, I guess. I wish I'd been able to explain things better."
"Sam, you did fine. There's no easy way to tell your kids their father isn't gonna be around anymore." Even he was finding it difficult to say Jeff had been shot and killed. The level of devotion the kids had toward Jeff left Jack feeling even more guilty for the way things had turned out that afternoon. Maybe some day, if he was lucky, Kelsey and Jon might direct a portion of that devotion toward him. But that day was a long way off, he knew, if indeed it would ever come. Jon was sure to have conflicting emotions, especially in light of the conversation they'd had in the park.
"I'm going to put the kids to bed. I know it's a little early, but they're tired, whether they'll admit it or not. Maybe things will look better for them in the morning," Sam said.
"Put them in my bed. I'll take the couch."
"I'm going to lay down with them. I don't think they should be alone right now."
"Good idea. If you need anything. . . ."
"Thanks, Jack," she said, leaving his arms, trailing her hand across his stomach as she passed him.
Jack braced himself against the counter, looking into the sink. If only there was some way to take this day back, he never would have broke into Sam and Jeff's house starting the chain of events he had. Sam was trying to keep him out of it, but there was no getting around the fact Jeff probably wouldn't have produced the gun if he hadn't shown up. Jeff might have hurt Sam, but could she be hurting any more if her pain had been physical rather than emotional?
***
Sam settled Jon and Kelsey on either side of Jack's bed, crawling in between them. Jon had protested retiring so early, but when Sam explained she needed a hug, he stopped complaining and agreed to lay down.
Jon slipped under Sam's right arm, while Kelsey cuddled under her left.
"I know this has been horrible day," Sam said, reaching over to dim a lamp beside the bed. "But we'll get through this. We've got each other, right?"
"I want Daddy!" Kelsey wailed, burying her tear-stained face on Sam's shoulder.
"I know you do, Sweetie," Sam soothed, rubbing her hand against her daughter's back. Jon was trying to pretend he didn't want to be huddled up to her, but she could tell he was grateful for the closeness. It was such an awkward age for him. Too old to be coddled, yet too young to face his grief without some physical comfort from his mother.
"Are you and Jack gonna get married now?" Jon asked.
Sam was caught completely off guard. How was it Jon always seemed to ask the most awkward questions? Yes, they'd talked some about wanting to be together, and Jack had essentially proposed, but when the actual event would take place had never been discussed. Today's occurrence had certainly changed things. Would either of them feel comfortable bringing their relationship out into the open under these kinds of circumstances?
"I don't know, Honey," she answered honestly. "You know I care for Jack a lot, and he cares for me, but I can't think about that right now. Getting through the next few days is all that matters.
"Do you like Jack better than you like Dad?" Jon pressed.
Sam turned to look at him. "Jon, why do you keep asking me these questions? I liked your dad and I like Jack. I just like them differently." Sam guessed Jon was looking for someone to hold accountable for the reason his father was gone, and Jack was an easy target. Especially since he'd been the one struggling with Jeff when the gun went off. As much as she wanted to allay Jon's fears, Sam didn't want Jon to think of Jack as "the bad guy." When this nightmare was over, she still hoped, one day, they could be a family, and it wouldn't do to have Jon blaming Jack.
"You like your dad and Jack differently, don't you?" She was having a hell of a time with her tenses. Did she refer to Jeff in the past tense, or speak of him as if he was still here?
"Yeah, I guess that's why I asked. Sometimes I feel bad that I like Jack, and, well, I think maybe I'm the one who made dad get hurt." Jon grew quiet, silent tears slipping from his eyes.
"Jon, how on Earth could this be your fault?" Sam asked. Jon remained speechless, causing Sam to tip his chin up so she could see his face. He looked over at Kelsey, but she'd fallen asleep, exhausted.
Jon swallowed, obviously not wanting to tell his mother what he'd been thinking.
"Come, on, Honey. How many times have I told you you can tell me anything?"
"I know, but I've never done anything this bad!" he cried, wiping angrily at the tears that wouldn't stop coming.
"Please tell me," Sam said, rubbing his back.
Jon took a deep breath, hesitated a moment, then said. "When I was in the hospital, I used to imagine what it would have been like if Jack had been my dad. I mean I know he's my real dad and all, but if he'd always been around, like my dad was. I think someone got mad that there were times I wished Jack could be my dad. I think that's why dad got shot."
Sam disengaged her left arm from Kelsey, wrapping it around Jon, pulling him so tight, she was probably hurting him.
"Oh, Jon! There is no way you're responsible for this! It was an accident! And just because you thought about what it would have been like if Jack was your dad, doesn't mean you didn't love *your* dad!" Sam loosened her hold on him slightly, allowing Jon to move away from her just a bit. She brushed the bangs from his forehead, as she'd done since he was a baby, hoping the gesture would reassure him.
"But, Mom! What if dad knew I thought that?"
"Honey, your father knew how much you loved him, and he loved you, even when he had to share you with Jack."
"But that made him sad, didn't it? That he had to share me with Jack."
Sam drew in a breath and nodded. "Yeah, it made him a little sad," she said glossing over how upset it really *had* made Jeff. "But that was his problem, Honey. It had nothing to do with you. I know you're angry, and scared, but if we all stick together, we'll get through this. That means letting Jack help you too. He's still your friend and cares about you, so try not to shut him out, okay?"
"Okay," Jon said, yawning.
"Close your eyes," Sam whispered, and started to hum a song she used to sing to him when he was a baby. It was an Abydonian lullaby Daniel had taught her years ago. Even if she never got the words quite right, the tune was soothing, causing Jon to yawn once more.
"You used to sing that song to me when I was little," Jon said, sleepily, causing Sam to smile.
"Go to sleep," she said softly, waiting until he heard his breathing deepen to move him into a more comfortable position. She was tired herself, but she wanted to talk to Jack.
Sam walked out into the living room, spying Jack lying on the sofa. He too appeared to be asleep, but at the sound of her footsteps, he woke.
"Sam?" he asked, sitting up, "everything okay?"
Sam sat down next to him, laying her head down on his shoulder. "As okay as it can be, I guess. They're asleep, anyway."
Jack's arm wound around her, tracing a pattern up and down her arm. "How're you doin'?"
"Okay, I guess. I feel better when I'm with you."
Jack hugged her tighter. "Wanna sleep out here with me? I know there's not much room, but we could make do."
"It's tempting," she yawned, her own fatigue setting in now that some of the shock was beginning to wear off. "But I really should be there in case the kids wake up."
Jack nodded. "I understand. Stay for a little while, though?"
"You talked me into it," she smiled. They were silent for a while, then Sam said,
"Jon's got some crazy idea that he's the cause of this."
"Whoa! Wait a second, back up. How the hell is Jon responsible?"
"He thinks Jeff's death is some kind of punishment for thinking about what his life would have been like if you'd raised him."
"So he was daydreaming, thinking of the 'what ifs.' How does that make him responsible?"
"I suppose he felt guilty. You know he's felt pulled in two directions since he met you and found out you were his real father. I still hate that term, but 'biological father' sounds so cold, so impersonal, I don't like that one either."
"Sam, I know what you mean when you refer to Jeff as Jon's father. I know you're not trying to take anything away from me by calling him that."
"I'm really not, you know. I hope I convinced Jon caring about you in no way meant he didn't love his father, and not to turn his anger onto you. Frankly, I don't know how this is going to play out. Kelsey worries me too. I know she's young, and doesn't really understand what happened, but she was so attached to Jeff. And if Ellen has anything to say about it, she's never going to let her forget him. Not that it's bad, but it keeps her from moving on, too. Maybe I'm worrying over nothing, I don't know. I hate being this uncertain!"
"Sam! Give yourself a break! No one expects you to just pick up the pieces
of your life, as if nothin' happened! This is gonna take some time, for all of us."
Sam looked up at him. "How are you dealing with all this? I mean in all the confusion, I never asked how you're doing."
Jack sighed. "I keep kicking myself for just charging in there like I was your 'savior' or somethin'. Maybe if I'd slowed down a little, Jeff wouldn't have felt the need to get the gun. I don't know. It all happened so fast, I don't know what I could have done different. I feel like I'm blaming Jeff for all this when it's just as much my fault. I keep wondering if I did everything I could to get the gun away from him without it going off." Jack shook his head. "I keep drawing a blank."
"I was there, Jack. I don't think there was anything different you could have done. So, take your own advice and 'don't beat yourself up.'"
Jack nodded. "Get the feeling we're always gonna have the odds against us?"
Sam turned her head on his shoulder, looking up into his face. "What do you mean?"
"Well, when we were at the SGC we had the regs to worry about. Then, through my stupidity, there was all this time and distance. I find you again, and then it's your marriage that's blocking our way to happiness. And now this. I sometimes wonder if we're ever gonna see more than just a light at the end of the tunnel."
"We'll get there, Jack. We've been through too much to let this stop us." she said, hugging him close.
"I love you," Jack whispered as he placed a kiss on the top of her head.
"I love you, too. I don't know how I would have made it through this day without you," she mumbled into his shoulder, yawning once more. "I should probably get some sleep," she said, pushing away from him.
"I wish you could stay with me tonight, but I understand."
Sam gave him a small smile, leaning over to kiss him good-night. How much longer would it be before she could wish him a good-night and not have to sleep in another bed?
***
The next few days had put Sam and her kids through an emotional wringer. Jack had arranged for their patio door to be replaced, and insisted on cleaning up once more before Sam brought Jon and Kelsey home.
He watched the children as they entered the house, looking around as if it was the first time they'd seen it.
"It feels funny here without Dad," Jon said, walking over to the new glass door leading to the deck. "It's kind of like when he's at work, but different too."
Jack didn't know what to say, feeling very awkward standing in the living room where only two days before this nightmare began. Sam was pale as a ghost, swallowing as she looked around at her house.
Putting his arm around her shoulders, Jack noticed she was shaking. "You okay?" he asked, as the kids headed toward their rooms.
"Not really. Jack, I thought maybe I could stay here, that maybe the familiarity would be good for the kids, but I can't stay here. I could never sleep, knowing. . . ."
"I know," he said, pulling her into a hug. They stood, silent for a long moments then Jack asked, "How did the visitation go?"
"Horrible. I'm glad you took the kids; Ellen was so nasty to me. That is until friends and relatives were around. God, I never have to wonder where Jeff got his dual personality from! When she had an audience, she would hug me, keep saying 'poor Samantha, I don't know how she and the children are going to deal with this loss.' Then she'd tell everyone how I had the comfort and support of the family to help me get through. Ha! Some support! At least they were all civil to me. Cheryl was truly a life saver, though."
"Ellen didn't say anything about me having Jon and Kelsey?"
"Oh, to me she said plenty, but to her friends, she went on how she was so glad they didn't have to be there. I'll never understand the custom of viewing the body. If I had my way, this never would have happened and it'd be a closed-casket funeral. I remember when my mother died, sitting at the visitation having people come up to me, trying to offer words of comfort when there was nothing they could say. And the person lying there with caked-on make up wasn't my mother. She looked like some figure from a wax museum. I think the actual funeral was much easier to bear than sitting there next to that casket." Sam shook her head from the memory. "It wasn't any easier today."
Jack just held her tighter, remembering his own experiences with death and the rituals accompanying it.
"Jack?"
"Yeah?"
"I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but the kids aren't the only ones who miss Jeff. There's a part of me that's grieving for my loss of him as well."
"Oh, Sam," Jack sighed, kissing her temple. "Of course I understand! Just because you didn't want to stay married to him doesn't mean you don't still have feelings for him! Hell, I'd be worried if you *didn't* miss him on some level! You had some good years together, even if lately things have been bad. He gave you Kelsey, that in itself is reason enough to mourn him."
Sam punched him lightly in the arm. "You're not supposed to be so damn understanding, you know."
"I'm not?"
"No, you're making it pretty hard for me not to love you even more," she said, raising her face to place a gentle kiss on his lips.
Jack smiled and gave her a quick kiss back. "Damn, onto my plan already! So, ya ready to pack up this show?"
"The sooner I'm out of this house, the better," she said.
Jack watched Sam walk to the back of her house, in search of her children. He hadn't wanted to dwell on the point, but being here gave him the creeps too. He was glad they were heading to Canada after the funeral.
Daniel and Janet were insistent on coming for the service, but after talking to both him and Sam, they relented and agreed to wait for Sam, Jack and the kids to join them in Toronto. Jack couldn't see the sense of trying them trying to arrange their schedules, as well as pack up their kids for what he saw as a wasted trip. The point was to lend support to Sam, Jon and Kelsey, and they would be doing that anyway, by opening their home to them. Jack assured Janet he was doing all he could for Sam, and although her presence would have been a comfort, nothing would make tomorrow's events any easier.
***
Jack was up early the day of the funeral, anxious to have this day over for several reasons. Not only would it mean getting away and spending some much needed re-acquainting time with the Jackson's, it might put some closure on this episode for Sam, Kelsey and Jon.
He wasn't kidding himself that the next few months were going to be easy. In fact, they were probably going to be some of the most difficult he'd lived through, considering emotional issues weren't his forte. He'd come too far to give up now. He wanted a life with Sam, and the kids, and it was worth any hardships that were sure to come.
"And the first hardship is to try to make some breakfast," he muttered to himself, measuring coffee into a filter.
"Talking to yourself, now?" Sam asked with a yawn. "I hope I haven't committed myself to the wrong man again," she smiled.
"I guess that depends on your definition of 'wrong,'" he grinned back at her, starting the coffee. "Feel like something to eat?"
Sam slipped her arms around his waist, giving him a kiss. "Not really, but the kids should eat something."
"The kids aren't the only ones," Jack gently reminded her. "You're going to need something to help you make it through today."
"I've got you," she said, laying her head on his shoulder.
"Food," he said. "No argument."
"Gee, just when I thought it was going to be really nice waking up to you," she grumbled, "you go and turn all 'mother hen' on me."
"What are you going to tell you're kids when they get up?"
"That they should eat something."
"I rest my case."
"And a nice case it is, too," she said, giving his butt a squeeze.
Jack was a little surprised she was flirting and teasing him, especially considering what was taking place in a few hours, but then maybe that *was* the reason. He knew Sam was dreading facing relatives and well-wishers as much as she had yesterday. Perhaps this was her way of distracting herself from the reality of the day. If that was case, he was more than willing to keep the mood light.
They stood in the kitchen, simply holding each other until Jack heard the scuffling of feet and a tired, "mommy?" Springing apart like guilty teenagers, Jack released Sam, grateful it was Kelsey and not Jon. So far she hadn't seemed to mind Jack hugging Sam, not like Jon did. It was ironic in a way. Jon was his child, and yet it was Jeff's offspring who was more accepting of his relationship with Sam.
Kelsey stood in the doorway of the kitchen, rubbing her eyes. "Are you making pancakes?" she asked.
"Well, I don't know if Jack wants to . . ." Sam started.
"Sure, we can have pancakes if you like," Jack chimed in. "That gonna be okay with Jon, too?"
"I'll go see!" Kelsey said, running back toward the bedroom.
"God, I wish I had her energy," Jack sighed, turning to the cupboards, hoping after he promised pancakes, he had the ingredients to make them.
It wasn't long before Jon joined them. He was sullen, barely speaking as he picked at his meal. That in itself caused Jack concern. Although he wasn't well-versed in Jon's eating habits, he'd never known him to just toy with his food. He almost always had an appetite.
Jon was taking Jeff's death hard, but Jack supposed that was to be expected. Kelsey, he figured to be the most upset, but then, being older, Jon had more comprehension of what death truly meant. Jack wished there was something he could do to help them through their grief, but he knew other than listening, there wasn't much he could offer.
The trip to the church was silent, even Jon and Kelsey had called an unofficial truce. Jack looked over at Sam, giving her a warm smile, assuring her as best he could.
"I'm gonna wait out here," he said, upon their arrival.
"That's probably a good idea," she said, her voice already raw with unshed tears. "I wish you didn't have to."
"I know. It's okay."
Jack helped Kelsey out, then watched as Sam wound her arms around the shoulders of her children, leading them into the church.
Leaning on the door of his car, Jack noticed Mike and Cheryl approaching the entrance. As expected, Mike completely ignored him, but Cheryl managed to give him a nod and a weak smile. Jack returned the gesture, knowing she would have said something to him had Mike not been there.
The rest of the family were probably already inside, Jack surmised, as the other people entering the building were people he'd never met. Clients and friends no doubt. At least they weren't staring at him, accusingly. They did give him curious looks, though. Probably wondering why he was loitering outside instead of going in.
Jack sighed and opened the passenger door, reaching for his cell phone. Sitting sideways on the seat, he dialed Daniel's number. After the third ring, a child answered,
"Hi, this is Jack," he spoke into the phone. "Is your dad there?" There was a shuffling noise, then a clunk as the phone dropped. In the distance he heard the child calling, "Daddy!" causing a grin to break out on his face. He could just imagine Daniel being shaken out of some reverie as his kid pulled on his sleeve to get his attention.
Before Jack could really get impatient, Daniel picked up the phone.
"Took ya long enough," Jack smirked.
"Well, I was in the middle of this really fascinating. . .Jack?"
"Yeah, who'd ya think it was?"
"One of my student's I guess."
Jack heard Daniel turn to the child and say, "That's okay, Kendra, I've got it now. Sorry about that. She's at an age where the phone really intrigues her. So, what's up? Don't tell me you guys are canceling *again!*"
"Naw, nothin' like that. I'm outside the church right now, just thought I'd let you guys know what's goin' on."
"Everyone holding up all right? You know Janet and I really wanted. . . "
"I know, Daniel, but it would have been a wasted trip. Sam's gonna need your support just as much when we get there."
"How's she doing?" Daniel asked, concern evident in his voice.
"Good, considerin'."
"And the kids?"
"Well, I don't think it's really sunk in yet. Jon's been pretty upset, but I guess he's got a little more idea what this is about. Kelsey just keeps saying she wants to see Jeff. I hope when she does, it doesn't freak her out too much. I suppose this is necessary on some level, but it just doesn't seem right that your last memory of a person is seeing them lying in a casket like that."
Jack knew what he was talking about. He hadn't told Sam, but in reality he was grateful he wasn't welcome at the service. All he thought about last night was the horror Charlie's funeral had been. And they still had to face the cemetery yet.
"Some time away should be good for you all," Daniel said.
"That's what we're hoping. So, Space Monkey, you're not planin' on messing with your research the whole time we're there are ya?"
Daniel's laughter drifted from the phone. "What?" Jack asked.
"Do you know how long it's been since I heard 'Space Monkey?'"
"Probably the last time ya saw me," Jack grinned.
"It's going to be really great to see you again, Jack," Daniel said, his voice suddenly serious.
"Yeah, same here," Jack replied. "I just wish we'd made it up there before all hell broke loose."
"Things happen for a reason, you know," Daniel said.
"Don't be goin' all Zen on me, Danny," Jack warned.
"Well, it's not Zen, exactly, more. . ."
"Ah!" Jack cut him off. "Save the lecture for Sam, okay? Look, I should go here. Our flight gets in around 1700 hours, you still gonna pick us up?"
"Still the game plan. See you soon."
"Bye, Daniel."
Jack clicked off the phone, placing it back on the console between seats. There really had been no reason to call him other than to pass the time, after all, he was going to see Daniel in a few hours. It was just that he needed to hear an understanding voice. Sure he had Sam, but she could divide her attention in only so many directions. Besides, he was supposed to be her support. Talking to Daniel for a few minutes helped him forget where he was, and the weight resting on his shoulders. Truth be told, he needed this reunion with the Jackson's just as much as Sam did.
***
Once again Jack found himself on the outside of the proceedings as Jeff was laid to rest in the cemetery. *"Laid to rest," what an odd euphemism,* Jack thought as he twirled a stem of grass between his fingers. He'd gone from patiently leaning against his car to pacing, waiting for this last ritual to end. Even at his distance from the gravesite, Jack could see Sam wiping her eyes, and Jon and Kelsey clinging to her, weeping as well. He suspected part of Kelsey's tears were in response to the other crying adults, but Jon's occasional swipes at his eyes were genuine.
Jack watched the casket being lowered into the ground and felt his blood turn cold. All he could think of was Charlie and how inconsolable Sara had been. How little help he'd been to her, both so wrapped up in hurt and blame they couldn't even touch each other to share their grief.
Jack looked up, hearing a keening wail as Darrell literally dragged Ellen away from the grave. He didn't like the woman, but he could certainly understand her pain at the loss of her child.
Sam walked across the manicured lawn of the cemetery, carrying Kelsey on her right hip, her left arm wrapped around Jon's sagging shoulders. Jack could wait no longer. Moving forward, he met them half-way.
"Are you okay?" he asked Sam, taking Kelsey. Sam looked as though she was about to drop, the toll of this day sapping her energy.
"I will be," she smiled gratefully at him. "Let's just go. I want to see Janet."
Jack knelt down by Jon. "Ya doin' okay, Sport?"
"I guess," he said, wiping at his eyes once more.
Jack ran his hand over the boy's head, but remembered to smooth the hair back into place. "I agree with your mom; it's time to go."
As they turned to leave, Jack heard Ellen calling out to him.
"You're like the proverbial bad penny, aren't you Mr. O'Neill? Always turning up in the most unwanted places."
Jack set Kelsey on the ground. "Sam, why don't you take the kids and meet me at the car."
"This concerns her as well," Ellen said, giving Sam an icy stare.
"Jon, take your sister back to the car. We'll just be a minute," Sam said, giving her son a smile. Jon simply nodded, no doubt so preoccupied with the day's events, he didn't see the hatred with which his grandmother glared at his mother and Jack.
They'd barely left when Ellen turned on Sam.
"Well, you certainly got what you wanted!"
"Ellen, how could you possibly think this is what I wanted?" Sam said.
"You have your lover, Jeff's business and property, I'd say things worked out exactly as you planned."
"Planned?! Ellen, we've been over this so many times, I'm not even going to dignify your accusations with an answer!" Sam turned, taking Jack by the arm when Ellen's next words stopped them both.
"That's always the military way, isn't it? Give you a statement, but no explanation. You're just supposed to accept it and move on. I knew of your 'career' before you married Jeff. I begged him not to marry you, that it would only lead to trouble, but he wouldn't listen. He was so in love with you, kept saying how you were different, how you'd been disappointed by the military too, and it would make up for all the hurt in the past. He was always blind when it came to you. I think it was the very fact you *were* military that drew him in. Like a moth to a flame."
Jack turned around, facing Ellen. He'd had it. All the ambiguous references to the military, how the different organizations were blamed for every misfortune in this family.
"What the *hell* does Sam's being in the Air Force have to do with *anything?* You and your family have been treating her like an outcast ever since she admitted it. What *is* it with you people, anyway?"
Darrell's arm wrapped around Ellen's shoulders as he calmly answered, "I don't suppose Jeff ever mentioned David?"
"David?" Sam echoed, looking as if she were trying to place the name. "I know he wanted to call Jon, David, but other than that, no."
"David was our son," Darrell said, his voice still neutral.
"You don't owe them any explanations!" Ellen hissed.
"No, but you know as well as I do, Jeff had more 'issues' with David's death than Mike or Cindy. You saw how it was affecting him. You just didn't want to acknowledge it."
"You had another son?" Sam asked, clearly shocked at the revelation.
"Our oldest," Darrell continued. "He joined the Army, straight out of high school. He said he wanted to earn money for college, but it wasn't necessary. We would have helped him with school. He was enamored with the adventure of it all. He was going to go to different countries, see the world, or so he thought. Turns out he got stationed in Georgia, and hated it. We knew he'd fallen in with some bad people just by his change of attitude when we'd see him, but he was always what I'd call his 'old self' when he was with Jeff. Jeff was five when David signed up, and worshipped the ground David walked on.
"Any how, David's commitment was almost up when we received word he'd been killed by 'friendly fire.'" Ellen looked away, refusing to even gaze in the same direction as Sam and Jack.
"I'm sorry," Jack said, glancing over at Sam who'd lowered her head.
"I never knew," she said, raising her head to look at Ellen. "I'm sorry."
"You think I give a damn about your sympathies? One of my sons wasn't enough for you to take? You had to kill another of my children? How much more does this family have to pay?"
If it was possible, Jack was even more confused.
"We tried to find out what happened," Darrell resumed his tale, "but everywhere we turned, all we got was, 'it was an unfortunate accident,' and they left it at that. So we tried going higher up. All we'd been told was it was training exercises and there was no investigation beyond the initial inquiry. They couldn't or wouldn't tell us a thing. Naturally, we didn't let it drop, until one day, two officers knocked on our door. They told us David had been involved in drug trafficking and if we stopped trying to stir up trouble, his record would reflect he'd died honorably, an unfortunate victim of friendly fire as we'd been told. But if we continued to insist on an investigation, more than just David's record was in jeopardy. They made it perfectly clear my family was being threatened as well."
"But they couldn't do that!" Sam exclaimed. "You should have gone to their commanding officers, told them how they'd threatened you!"
Darrell sighed. "I had no idea how high up this went! Besides, I'd just lost one son, I wasn't about to have any more of my family fall victim to an 'accident.' So, we just let it drop. As far as we know they were never caught. The thing is, I know David. He might have been a little wild, but basically he was a good kid. He wouldn't get mixed up in selling drugs. We think he was probably going to inform his superiors about the soldiers who *were* involved in the sale of drugs, and the rest got nervous, so they murdered him, under the guise of friendly fire. But we could never prove it."
Jack looked over at Sam, then back at the Greenfields. "I truly am sorry about your son. I wish I could say this sort of thing doesn't happen in the military, that they're more honorable than that, but the truth is, they're not. There's opportunists everywhere, even in the service where you'd like to think 'honor' still has some meaning."
Sam drew Ellen's attention back to her. "So what you're telling me is the reason you've had this animosity toward me since I've known you is just because I happen to be peripherally associated with the group that killed your son? I probably wasn't even enlisted when this happened!"
"My dear," Ellen sneered, "you're being in the Air Force stirred up more than just bad memories for my family. Especially for Jeff."
"Then tell me! What the hell did I do?"
"It wasn't so much what you did, as what you represented," Darrell said. "As I told you, David and Jeff were very close, Jeff's attachment to him bordered on obsessive."
Again Jack exchanged looks with Sam. *Well, he sure got an early start on the obsessive thing,* Jack thought to himself before he refocused on Darrell's explanation.
"David promised that the next time he came home it was going to be for good, and Jeff couldn't wait. Every day he'd ask if that was the day David was coming home. To tell the truth, he got a little annoying."
*Only a little?* Jack thought irreverently.
"The news of David's death was devastating to him. We even took Jeff to a psychologist for awhile."
"Darrell," Ellen admonished. "Is it *really* necessary to bring all that up, especially in front of a . . .stranger?"
Darrell ignored his wife's plea. "Sam, when he met you, he kept going on and on about how you were the best thing for him, how you distrusted the military, and with you, he'd finally be able to accept what had happened to David. Personally, I think he was grasping at straws. I never realized how much he was still hurting over David's death. He seemed to have moved on so successfully. He had his own business, things were really looking up for him. I was surprised when he was happy you'd been in the Air Force, almost as if that's what drew him to you."
Sam shook her head. "Kind of ironic, don't you think? He wanted to marry me because of my service record, and yet it's what drove us apart."
"I think that day at the party he finally realized you weren't the 'cure all' he thought you'd be. Don't get me wrong, Jeff did love you, but instead of helping him over his grief, you were a constant reminder of what he'd lost." Darrell looked over at Ellen, who's eyes were closed, as if shutting out her husband's confession.
"Then Jon got sick. I think he saw it as an opportunity at a second chance until Jack showed up."
Jack felt himself tense. *Here it comes,* he thought.
"Just the idea of Jack was bad enough, being Jon's real father and all. But the fact that he too was former military was the final straw. You were drawn to him, Sam. Maybe you'd never really gotten over him or you found something new together, I don't know, and it's not my place to comment on it. I do know that Jeff was threatened by it. What man wouldn't be? Jeff just saw it that once again the military was taking what he loved away from him. I'd tried talking to him about it, but he wouldn't listen. All he could see was some faceless organization was taking from him again. I should have realized how unstable he was," Darrell said, looking down at the ground, "but I didn't want to face the fact my son had emotional problems. I never wanted to see it, I guess. So, I guess I'm just as much at fault as anyone."
"Darrell! How can you say that? There's the man who shot our son!" Ellen cried, pointing an accusing finger at Jack.
"Ellen, we've both been in denial about Jeff, and you know it. Why else have you tried so hard to protect him all these years? Neither one of us wanted to face the fact he had problems. If we hadn't stuck our heads in the sand, maybe this wouldn't have happened."
"It was an accident," Sam said, looking at both her in-laws. "Looking back we can all find instances where we should have done something differently," she turned to look at Jack. He knew she was trying to assuage his own guilt, as she tried to ease Ellen and Darrell's "I too keep wishing I could have done something more. The truth is, we did all we could. All of us."
Some of the tension between them had been resolved with Darrell's revelation, but no one was comfortable by any means. Jack coughed. "Sam, we should probably get going. The kids. . . ."
Sam nodded. "We're going to Canada to see our friends for a week or two," she informed the Greenfields. Turning to walk away, Jack heard Darrell call to Sam,
"Call us when you get back?"
Sam smiled, nodding her gratitude at the chance for reconciliation Darrell was offering her.
Heading toward the car, Jack took Sam's hand, weaving his fingers through hers. He smiled to himself; things were going to be okay.
***
EPILOGUE--18 months later
Sam sat down on a snow bank, placing a thermos of hot chocolate and a stack of cups at her feet as she watched Jack and Jon skating on the cleared ice of the small lake. Kelsey sat down next to her, offering her foot to her mother.
"Kelsey, if you're going to learn to skate, then you need to learn to tighten your own laces," Sam said, performing the service anyway.
"I can't get them tight like you can," she said, pulling her mittens back on.
"There, all set," she said, helping her daughter to stand. "I think you should wait for Jon or Jack to give you a hand," Sam cautioned, but Kelsey wouldn't wait. She started out onto the smooth surface, flailing her arms and promptly landing on her butt. Sam tried not to laugh, but the scene was just too comical. Crossing the ice in her more stable boots, Sam helped Kelsey up as she heard Jon cry,
"Dad! Come on! I want a turn!"
Looking over at Jack, Sam could see he was showing off, skating around Jon, working his hockey stick so the puck stayed just out of Jon's reach. It still sent a tingle down her spine when Jon called Jack "dad." It hadn't happened right away, of course, and the first time he'd said it, Jon seemed almost embarrassed. Kelsey, not one to be left out of anything, insisted on calling him dad as well, and since that day, the only time they ever referred to him as "Jack" was when they were at their grandparents.
Relations with the Greenfields had never progressed much past the civil stage, but at least there was no open hostilities. In some respects, Sam felt better about her relationship with Ellen now, than when Jeff had been alive. At least she knew she was getting genuine emotions from Ellen, not what proper society expected of her. Cheryl remained a friend, and even after Sam and Jack were married, they were welcome in her home.
That small amount of normalcy seemed to have an enormous effect on Jon and Kelsey, helping them accept what had happened. Their father was gone, but their mother, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins were still there, as they'd always been. It was one of the motivating factors in Sam and Jack's decision to remain in Edina instead of moving to back to Colorado Springs. Sam knew Jack was homesick for the mountains, but he told her they could visit. So, Jack sold his house in Colorado, and they bought a house on the fringes of Edina. Far enough from the Greenfields, but still close enough that Jon wouldn't have to change schools. After all he'd been through that summer, the last thing Sam and Jack wanted was to saddle him with a new school.
Their wedding wasn't exactly a fairy tale, but it suited them. Jack teased Sam about wanting to marry her in the desert, amid sand and ruins, where their love had first been consummated. She might be sentimental, she'd argued, but trying to shake sand out of her underwear for a week wasn't her idea of romance. In the end, they settled for an outdoor wedding at Daniel and Janet's. All the kids were involved, and Jacob managed to get away from the Tok'ra long enough to attend the ceremony. Teal'c was absent, as no one was quite sure where he was these days or what he was up to. Sam had a feeling Jacob knew, but for some reason felt he couldn't tell the remainder of the ex-SG-1 what he was doing. Even Hammond was there. Sam hadn't realized how much she'd missed him over the years until she saw him standing in the Jackson's yard. She had to admit she'd been feeling a little apprehensive about marrying her former C.O. in front of her former General. Hammond had put her fears to rest when he'd hugged her and said, "Well, it's about damn time!"
Jack skated over to Sam, positioning the blades of his skates parallel, showering her with ice-dust as he came to a halt in front of her, grinning.
"Jack! You're going to get me all wet!" she cried, pretending to be angry as she brushed the ice crystals from her coat.
"That's later," he whispered suggestively in her ear, before giving her a kiss on the cheek. They watched as Kelsey tried unsuccessfully to get to her feet once more.
"Jon!" Jack called out to him, stabbing his hockey stick into the snow bank. "Give your sister a hand, okay?"
"Aw, Dad! I just got the hang of this!" Jon cried, dancing the puck around from one side of his stick to the other. "See?"
"Hey! That's pretty good, Sport! I'm impressed!"
Jon gave the puck a soft slap shot, sending the disk toward Jack's feet before showing off, skating backwards over to his sister.
"I don't have to wonder where he gets his modesty from," Sam teased, jabbing her elbow into Jack's ribs. Jack moved his arm around Sam, and she lay her head on his shoulder.
"Cold?" he asked.
"A little, but not bad. It's a gorgeous day,"
"Ya, sure, ya betcha!"
Sam turned to look at Jack. "I think half the reason you like coming up here is so you can talk like the natives for a week and not feel silly."
"On to me already, huh?" he smiled.
"Seriously," Sam said, "coming to your cabin was a great idea. The kids needed to get away as much as we did."
"Hey! What's this 'we' stuff? *I'm* not the one working twelve to fourteen hours a day! I'm a 'man of leisure.'"
"And you love telling everyone I'm the one working, don't you?"
"Damn straight! The women down at the grocery store call me a 'kept man.'"
"Well, just you remember it's me that's keeping you!"
Jack kissed the top of her head. "As if I could ever forget." Jack picked up Sam's left hand, playing with the diamond and band on her finger. "Six months today," he said, smiling at her.
"Took us long enough, huh?" she said, settling back on his shoulder once more. "You know, until you were kissing me at the end of the ceremony, I was sure something was going to happen to keep us apart."
"Like what? The heavens opening up and being struck by lightning?"
"No, nothing quite that dramatic, but something. One of the kids objecting at the last minute. Daniel having a heart attack because we finally said 'I do,'" she smiled.
"Well, I was waiting to get struck by lightning," he said. "It's about the only thing that *hasn't* happened to me!"
"It's just too bad we had to wait so long," she sighed.
"'Good things come to those who wait?'" he offered.
"Happiness is a warm puppy?"
"The only good cliché is a dead cliché?"
Sam held up her hands in defeat. "Okay! All right! I give up! Your the master!" she said, bowing her head. When she looked up again, Jack's eyes were boring into hers, dark with desire. Wrapping her arms around his neck, Sam pushed him back into the snow bank, kissing him deeply.
"Happy anniversary," she whispered before capturing his lips again. Before she could get lost in the moment, Sam heard Kelsey giggle and Jon sigh.
"Oh, man! Do you guys always have to do that?"
Jack sat up, bringing Sam with him. "Yes, as a matter of fact, we do. We're newlyweds, remember?"
"Yeah, but you're *old!*" Jon protested.
"Oh, yeah? Think so, do ya?"
Before Jon could answer, Jack was back on his feet, chasing after the boy, gaining on him, even though Jon had a head start. Jack swept Jon off his feet, swinging him around, tickling him unmercifully.
"Dad! Stop!" Jon managed to cry in-between bouts of laughter and gasping for breath.
"So, ya gonna give? Am I too old?"
"N. . .No!"
"All right! That's better!" Jack said, setting him on the ice once more. "Come on. Your mom's got some hot chocolate," he said, skating back toward Sam and Kelsey.
"What am I going to do with you?" Sam asked, shaking her head at Jack. "I can't believe I leave my children in your custody while I'm at work!"
"Oh, he's much worse when you're working," Jon said, giving Jack a jab to the stomach.
"Paybacks, Sport! Ya know what they say!"
"If you two are *about* through. . . ." Sam said. The exasperation in her voice was put on only for their benefit. "Kelsey and I were going to have some hot chocolate. Would you like some?"
Jack gave her his best contrite look, causing her to smile, shaking her head again. Sometimes it was almost as if she and Jack hadn't missed those ten years. As if they'd been together forever, and her life with Jeff had been a dream.
Sam passed out cups of cocoa and Jack held his up in a toast. "Here's to not only seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, but clearing the entrance as well."
Sam's eyes met Jack's. It might be another cliché, but she had to admit, some things were worth the wait.
The End
Story Notes: Email: noda@win.bright.net
Status: Complete
Rating: PG-13 mostly for language and suggestion of sexual situations.
Season/Sequel Info: season 4 and beyond
Spoilers: Minor ones thorugh season 4, specifically "Divide and Conquer."
Archive: Yes, please. Sam and Jack, Heliopolis (link has been submitted), Stargate Novel Archive. Others, please ask.
Story notes: This story is *long*. Special thanks to Little Miss for betaing and encouragement. This is a future story, inspired by the Vertical Horizon song, "The Best I Ever Had." As in past stories, since the song provided the catalyst, I stole it's title.
Status: Complete
Rating: PG-13 mostly for language and suggestion of sexual situations.
Season/Sequel Info: season 4 and beyond
Spoilers: Minor ones thorugh season 4, specifically "Divide and Conquer."
Archive: Yes, please. Sam and Jack, Heliopolis (link has been submitted), Stargate Novel Archive. Others, please ask.
Story notes: This story is *long*. Special thanks to Little Miss for betaing and encouragement. This is a future story, inspired by the Vertical Horizon song, "The Best I Ever Had." As in past stories, since the song provided the catalyst, I stole it's title.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]