****** Repeat ******
"Sir! Incoming wormhole!" the young Lieutenant shouted from the control panel overlooking the embarkation room.
The General and commanding officer of the facility ran over to the Lieutenant and looked at the gate as each of the seven chevrons began to glow. "Any SG teams off world?" he asked.
"Yes, sir. A few," the Lieutenant answered. "Chevron three encoded."
"Are we receiving an SG code?" The General asked.
"Chevron four, and no, sir." The Lieutenant paused, "Hang on a minute. We are receiving a code, sir, and it's coming through on the SGC's frequency."
"Whose is it?" the General asked as the fifth chevron encoded.
"Not sure, sir," the Lieutenant answered, his brow furrowing at the screen. "I've run it through the database for all existing codes and it's not there. Chevron six."
"But it's definitely an SGC code?" the General asked.
"Yes, sir." The Lieutenant said, sounding utterly confused.
"Alright. Open the iris, but I want SF's in there now!" the General ordered as the gate burst into life. The mouth of the wormhole rippled with energy briefly before disengaging. "What was that?"
"No idea, sir. The gate simply shut down." the Lieutenant answered.
"Any idea as to who it was?" the General asked.
"No, sir."
"Run it through the database."
"But, sir..."
The General cut off the young Lieutenant, "Run it through the database.."
"Yes, sir." The Lieutenant said before leaving the room.
"What's the problem, sir?" the General turned to see a female Major stood in front of him.
"We received an SG code not on our database, but then nothing came through."
The Major considered this for a moment. "Well, I've been trying to get all of the systems back on line, but there are still some files lost. I'm afraid I can't get much access into the database from before the virus."
"We'll work out what's going on. How far have you got with the retrieval?" the General asked regarding the recent virus that had wiped all of the computers of their information and had shut down the SGC for a lengthy period of time.
"Sir!" The General turned to see the Lieutenant stood in the doorway, "I found the code in the database."
"And?" the General prodded.
"It belongs to SG-1, sir."
"SG-1 are on base, Lieutenant," the Major said, "I think I should know."
"It doesn't belong to the current SG-1." The Lieutenant said and let this sink in.
"Which one does it belong to?" The General asked, "There have been quite a few of them."
"The original, sir, the first one." the Lieutenant said in obvious amazement.
"Are all of that team accounted for?" the General asked.
"Two are residing on Earth, one off world and one dead, sir."
"Could it be the off world one?" the Major asked.
"Why didn't they come through the gate?" the General asked.
"They wouldn't know if their code still worked," the Major began to explain, "I mean, it's been seven years since the first SG-1 were decommissioned. A lot happens in seven years."
"Yeah, like computer viruses." the Lieutenant muttered and the Major smiled at the base's most recent trouble, which did not come from the Goa'uld.
"So, now what?" the General asked.
"We go through and see one of the originals." The Major smiled. "Who's the one who went to live off world?"
"I don't think it's them," the Lieutenant said and continued after receiving a look from the General, "I think it might be the one who died."
"Excuse me?" Both the General and the Major said.
"From my first analysis, the planet's designation where that code came from is the same as the designation for the planet SG-1 last travelled to. I can't be one hundred percent sure because of all the file degradation, but..." The Lieutenant trailed off.
The General turned to look at the now inactive gate. "What do we know about this planet?"
"Nothing, sir. Details of planets we travelled to in the past eleven years have all been lost and we haven't been to that one since the SGC re-opened." the Major explained.
The General sighed, "Looks like there's only one thing for it," he paused, "We send the recent SG-1 through with the members of the old. They'll know what to expect and what was there last time. Lieutenant, find me the original SG-1. I want them here yesterday. If there's a member of my facility out there I want them back."
"Yes, sir!" the Lieutenant said before saluting and leaving the room.
"Major, contact the Colonel and assemble the team."
"Yes, sir." the Major said before leaving the room.
The General stared at the gate as if it would bring back the person who was out there. Whoever it was out there would be returned to Earth, even if it were the last thing the General did in his tenure.
~*~*~*~
Major Katie Smith was waiting outside of the locker room. She could not believe that in all of this time there were still no female locker rooms on base. She was waiting for her commanding officer to get finished in there so she could get changed. She had been ordered to find the member of SG-1 who now lived in Chicago, while the Colonel had been told to find the one in New York. Those two originals would then be able to locate the third surviving member of SG-1 who lived off world. Due to the computer virus most of the SGC's files had been lost so they had no idea where to start looking for anyone living off world. It had been decided to get three members of the original SG-1 together because if they really were going to find the fourth, presumed dead, member the other three should be there. The General had also contacted a mutual friend of all members of SG-1, Lieutenant Cassie Fraiser. She had been found by the original SG-1 on a planet where everyone else had been killed. The thirteen-year-old had immediately formed a very close bond to Major Carter, then Captain, and to the rest of SG-1. The resident doctor on base back then, Janet Fraiser had adopted the young girl. Cassie had joined the Air Force at sixteen with the plan in mind to work at the SGC. It was four years later and she was working for the SGC, as an officer on SG-8. Currently she was off on a mission to a planet but the General was having her recalled immediately.
Katie smiled to herself. In just a few hours she would be talking to one of the originals. They had become heroes to the people at the SGC. Katie did not know if the stories she had heard were true, or whether they were just exaggerations, but they were still heroes.
The door opened and Katie looked up to see Colonel Andrew James stood there. They were the two military officers currently assigned to SG-1 and had been there for three years. Since the SGC had first opened there had been three SG-1's in total. The original consisting of Colonel Jack O'Neill, Major Samantha Carter, Doctor Daniel Jackson and a Jaffa named Teal'c. They had left the Stargate program after one member of their team had been killed. The second SG-1 had been going fine for four years, until a surprise Goa'uld attack left one of them dead, two of them missing and the fourth badly injured on his return to the SGC. The third SG-1 was still active. In all of the eleven years since the first SG-1 had stepped back through the gate with the Jaffa Teal'c, SG-1 had always been the special team. They had always been the best; the one that came closest to death, but always found a way out of it. They were always the team that was different, always consisting of two air force officers, one civilian scientist and an alien.
This SG-1 was no different. Standing behind Colonel James was Hugh, a Tok'ra. Hugh and James moved to the side to allow Smith entrance to the locker room.
"All yours, Major," James said in the way he always said her new rank.
"Thank you, sir." She stepped closer to the door.
"Have fun in Chicago," James added.
"You too, sir."
"In New York, in a museum? Yeah right!" He said with a smile before he walked off. Smith shook her head. He hated museums. Trust him to be the one who had to retrieve Doctor Jackson from one. Smith walked into the locker room and was about to shut the door behind her when someone else came running in. It was Doctor Clarissa Adams - SG-1's linguist and archaeologist.
"Who are you off to see?"
Smith smiled. "Colonel Jack O'Neill. What are you doing while I'm in Chicago?"
"Working with Lieutenant Williams on possible locations of the Tok'ra. The virus completely wiped all we had stored on them. Hugh's going to lend a hand too. The need to locate them is more important now."
"How so?" Smith asked.
"Major Carter, one of the originals not on Earth, her father is a member of the Tok'ra." Adams explained.
"You better get to it, then." Smith said, smiling as she left.
~*~*~*~
Major Katie Smith got out of the car and looked up at the house in front of her. It was not too small, it was not too big, just the right size for one person. She knew the Colonel's history well. She knew why he had retired from the air force before coming back to join the SGC. She also knew why he was sitting up on his roof alone. Ever since the first SG-1 there had been curses put upon the ones that followed. Certain things had to happen. The first was each SG-1 would only last four years. There would always be four beds for them in the infirmary. They would always be the SG-team that the General and president favoured. And they would also be the team that became each other's family. Katie just was not sure if she liked the role in that family, which fate had dealt her.
Taking a deep breath she began to climb the ladder that led to the roof. Sitting on the roof was, she presumed, Colonel Jack O'Neill. He was sitting looking up through a telescope at the night sky.
"Colonel O'Neill?"
"Retired, but who wants to know?"
"Major Kate Smith, USAF. My CO would like to see you, sir."
"Let me guess: SGC?"
"Yes, sir."
"Well, you've come a long way, the least I can do is offer you a drink." He stood turned, and began to walk down the stairs that led directly into his house. He kept his head bowed and she could not see his face. She followed him downstairs into the kitchen, passing through the lounge area. As she walked through she saw pictures framing the mantelpiece. A young boy, some of SG-1, and a few of a blonde woman - presumably a wife.
"What would you like to drink? Beer?" He offered as she entered the kitchen.
"I'm on duty, water's fine."
He handed her a bottle of water and motioned for them to move back into the lounge area. She sat down on the large couch and he took the smaller seat. "What are you doing here then?"
"Do you remember your last mission, sir?"
His head turned sharply to look out the window and when he spoke his voice had a new harshness. "Yes. Everything that happened is in my report. You've had a wasted trip."
"We sort of lost the report, sir."
"Tough luck. There is no way I am stepping back on that base."
Realising that method would not work, Smith changed the subject. "Why were you up on the roof?"
"Star gazing."
She smiled. "You know, when I was a child I used to watch the stars. I was convinced that there was life up there. I used to wish that I would one day travel to another planet."
"I know someone who used to wish the same thing." O'Neill said quietly.
"You ever wish on the stars, Colonel?"
"No," he whispered.
"No? Not even when a mission went wrong, or one of your team were hurt?"
"What do you want?" he shouted as he got to his feet. She flinched slightly, but she knew a Colonel's temper well. "Do you want to know what happened on that last mission? Do you want to know why I left the SGC and everything I cared about? Do you want to know how I've been feeling for seven years?"
"What happened on the last mission, sir?" She asked.
"SG-1 gated to a planet and to cut a long story short, I left a team member behind to die."
"We received an incoming wormhole this morning. A SG-1 code was sent through. We need your knowledge to find out who it was."
"It was Teal'c. He lives on Chulak. It couldn't be anyone else." He said as he sat back down.
"We don't know the co-ordinates for Chulak anymore." He looked at her questioningly. "Computer virus wiped the databanks."
"And that's why you need me?"
"Yes. For all we know Teal'c did not send the code."
"He wouldn't have given it up. Not in a million years."
"What about the member you left behind?"
He looked up and glared at her, showing her his eyes for the first time. They were chocolate-brown, but filled with sadness, gloom and regret. "She would *never* give up the code, nor anything else."
"Can you be so sure?"
"Have you ever been tortured by the Goa'uld? We were. They used our memories to try and trick us. She fought that, she can fight anything."
"With all due respect, sir, it's been seven years. How can you be so sure?"
"Fine," he got to his feet and walked over to the door, "I'll prove it to you. Are you coming?" he asked before leaving the room.
Smith smiled to herself. He was just like her Colonel, so easy to trick.
~*~*~*~
"Could this day get *any* better?" Colonel Andrew James sighed in annoyance as he found himself lumbered with some artifacts as the man in front of him walked off. The man in question was Doctor Daniel Jackson, the man James had been sent to find. With his absent mindedness, James could not see how this man had ever been a help to the infamous SG-1; he was more of a hindrance. James could just picture the trouble this Doctor had got his team into back in their day. He did not have to imagine too hard, he just had to think of Doctor Adams who was just as ditzy. The Doctor walked back towards him, but then turned back around and walked off, as if realising something that he had forgotten. If this man did not find his brain soon, James would scream.
"Doctor Jackson?" James queried getting annoyed - something that happened easily and therefore often.
"Hmm?" Jackson looked back at him. "Oh, right! You came here for those texts, didn't you?"
"No!" James shouted as Jackson turned to get 'the texts'. "I'm from the SGC. I've come to retrieve you. You've been recalled to active duty."
"I'm not military and I never was, so technically you can't 'recall' me." Jackson smiled.
"Will you at least take these... things from me?"
"You sound just like a man I used to know," Jackson said almost wistfully.
"Good for you!" James mocked as Jackson walked over and began to take the artifacts from him.
Jackson nodded, ignoring the Colonel's sarcastic comment. "He was a Colonel, just like you. Sarcastic as Hell as well. I haven't seen him for years."
"Oh, no," James muttered dryly and quietly so that only he could hear it. "Let me guess: Colonel Jack O'Neill."
"Yes, you know him?"
"Working at the SGC, everyone knows about the original SG-1. I'm CO of SG-1."
"Really?"
"Yes, and so many people have likened me to O'Neill that I feel like I know him."
"It's been ages," Daniel whispered, seemingly off in his own world, "I mean, the last time I saw him or Teal'c was..." Jackson trailed off, the smile that lit up his eyes now replaced by a look of immense sadness.
"Doctor Jackson, please. You are *needed* at the SGC." James said in his no nonsense tone.
"What's happened?"
"We believe a member of SG-1, the first SG-1, is trying to contact us. We have to get going. I promise I'll explain everything on the way, but we don't have a Hell of a lot of time." James said; in as near to a pleading tone that he could muster.
Jackson put down whatever artifact had grabbed his attention and picked up his jacket. "Let's go then."
"Thank you." James said, relieved as he followed Jackson out to the car.
~*~*~*~
Major Katie Smith stepped into the elevator after O'Neill and nodded a greeting to the SF on duty. As the lift began its descent down the first eleven sub-levels she watched O'Neill. He had no look of nostalgia on him, as if coming back here held no meaning for him what so ever. Then again, Smith thought, with what she had heard about his last mission through the gate, he would hardly be glad to be back here. If anything he would be upset, troubled, possibly scared, but Smith did not see that either. She did not see anything.
The elevator came to a stop and Smith and O'Neill exited. They walked down a corridor and he immediately signed the piece of paper awaiting him. He had obviously been here as a civilian before, Smith remarked.
"We have another-" Smith began.
"I know: we have another elevator to take."
She said nothing as she followed him to the second elevator that would send them down a further twenty-eight floors into the Earth. That was the first thing he had said since they had got on the plane to get to the SGC. Once in the elevator, Smith decided that the silence was too much. "So, when was the last time you were here on base?"
"Seven years ago. We returned from our last mission, the General then granted us some down time and I never came back. An SF brought my stuff back to me."
"That last mission must have been a tough one." Smith remarked and O'Neill turned to glare at her. Or at least she presumed it was a glare, his expression had not changed much in the past two hours.
"It wasn't meant to be our last mission." He returned his gaze to the elevator doors.
"What happened? That is, if you don't mind."
"You want to know why it can't *possibly* be Carter that sent that code?"
"Go on then."
"We went through to P9R 473. She and Teal'c both got injured. Daniel and I had to get Teal'c back here and neither of us could manage on our own, so we left her behind. We had to. As soon as we got back General Hammond organised some rescue teams to go back with us. We attempted to dial up the planet, but it wouldn't work. Trust me, there's no way Carter could have got the gate to work, nor would anyone else have got the code from her. The planet was uninhabited."
Smith nodded sadly. She knew the basic outline of what had happened to destroy every SG team that had stepped through the Stargate and not returned whole, or at all. The tale of SG-1, the *first* SG-1, had always affected her most, especially now, after hearing it from O'Neill's mouth. He may not have willingly applied emotion to what he had told her, but Smith could feel the emotions that lay just underneath the surface.
"Where did the SG-1 code come from then?"
Again, he turned and glared at her. "Teal'c. You said your computers had some sort of virus and your files got deleted and what not. Well, couldn't their retrieval have got muddled?"
"Do you now what the chances of that are? I mean, to mix up the *only* two planets out there with SG-1 members on them, in a galaxy of thousands of planets?"
"Do you know what the chances are that a woman can survive a cave-in and then survive *seven* years alone on a planet?" He shouted angrily. "Not forgetting that something happened to that Stargate," he added dryly and bitterly.
"Well once we've recovered Teal'c, we'll know," she said harshly as the elevator doors opened. She walked out first, not even throwing a glance over her shoulder to check that he was following.
~*~*~*~
Jack O'Neill moved his eyes around the corridors as he walked down them. He hated to admit it, but he had missed this place and it had hardly changed in the past seven years. He had been a master at concealing his emotions since before he even stepped foot in the SGC, but the consequences of his last mission had sent him into his greatest depression. He had blamed himself for his son's death, but the death of Carter had hit him harder. He should *never* have left her and he had berated himself over that fact every day since it happened.
So caught up in the past, he almost forgot that it had been seven years. He began to think that when he walked into the briefing room it would be just as it always had been. Sitting at the head of the table would be General Hammond and sitting around the table, in no particular order, would be the other members of SG-1. Daniel would be there. Teal'c would be there. Carter would be there and he would sit next to her. She would be wearing her blue fatigues, same as him, while the others would be wearing green. Hammond would be wearing his full dress uniform. They would all be discussing their last mission. Daniel and Jack would start arguing about why they could not have done this, or why Daniel should not have done this and then Hammond would break it up. Then they would discuss their next mission and Hammond would dismiss them. As the four of them then walked to the locker rooms more of the usual discussions would start. Carter and Daniel would get these fascinated looks upon their faces as they commented on some fabulous scientific thing on their next mission. Teal'c would remain silent, while Jack would walk along without a word to add, but he had never minded. In fact, he rather liked it when Carter got into one of her scientific spiels. He pretended to make a big deal of it sometimes, but most of the time he would just watch her as her face lit up in joyful enthusiasm.
As he entered the room his heart plummeted. Sitting at the head of the table was some other General that he did not know the name of. Sitting around the General there were three other unknown people and one familiar person. O'Neill glanced at Smith as she moved towards the table and sat next to the man with the word 'Colonel' stitched onto his shirt. The familiar person stood and turned to look at O'Neill.
O'Neill smiled at the younger man, "Daniel."
"Jack," O'Neill smiled and moved toward his friend. They greeted each other as only friends do and not as they had the last time they met up after a year of not seeing each other. They each patted each other on the back in a manly hug. They pulled apart and both smiled as they moved to sit down opposite each other. "It's good to see you, Jack."
"You too, Daniel."
"Can we get down to business?" the General said, somewhat gruffly. "As you are both aware earlier today we received an incoming wormhole with an original SG-1 code. Now, we have ascertained which planet the wormhole came from, but due to the computer virus we have no idea where that is in relation to the original SG-1."
"That's where you two come in," the Colonel explained, "Doctor Jackson has already given us the location of the Jaffa, Teal'c. We will go to... Chulak did you say it was?" Jackson and O'Neill nodded. "Okay, we go to Chulak, retrieve Teal'c, ascertain if he sent the message or not and then return here to await further orders. Any questions?"
"Yes," O'Neill said, "I don't mean to be rude, but who the Hell are you?"
"I am Colonel Andrew James, CO of SG-1. This is General Benjamin Schofield, Doctor Clarissa Adams, Hugh and Major Kate Smith."
"You got my job then," O'Neill smiled sardonically.
"Kinda. Someone else had it before me though."
"Really? What happened to them?"
"Can you continue this later?" Schofield said and the two men nodded. "After determining whether a second trip is needed or not, you will all go through to find out who sent us the code, if it was not Teal'c, that is." Schofield informed everyone sitting around the table and they all nodded, "Dismissed."
~*~*~*~
Smith and Adams exited the locker room and met up with the male members of their team and O'Neill and Jackson. Approaching them from down the corridor was the resident Doctor on base, Doctor Zoë Loch.
"Come on you six, time for your injections," Loch said, referring to the common injections that the SG teams had to endure before and after every mission.
"Oh, for crying out loud!" O'Neill said.
"Oh, for the love of..." James said at the same time and they both rolled their eyes in exasperation.
Smith smiled at the two Colonels' mannerisms.
"Why are you smirking, Major?" James asked, looking at his Major as they all, some reluctantly, began to follow the Doctor to the infirmary.
"I am not 'smirking'," Smith protested.
"Yeah, you are," James argued.
"I do not 'smirk'," Smith protested.
Daniel chuckled as he realised how alike Smith and James were to Carter and O'Neill. Everyone turned to look at him suspiciously and he just shrugged.
~*~*~*~
The extended SG-1 unit was at the base of the ramp as the gate was engaging. They had sent a M.A.L.P through and the area had been clear. It still looked as cold as ever on Chulak, but there did not seem to be any signs of life near the gate. The gate finished activating and the wormhole stabilised. Colonel James looked up at the control room and the General nodded. In three rows of two, the unit walked up the ramp. James and O'Neill went through first, followed by Jackson and Adams, and Smith and Hugh went through last. They had compared the coordinates given to them by Jackson to the ones that the wormhole had originated from, and there had been no match. They were still going to retrieve Teal'c, though.
They all emerged on the other side of the gate and instantly those that had not been there before shivered from the extreme coldness.
"Not affected by a little chill, are we?" O'Neill asked, glancing at James with a smirk on his face.
James ignored O'Neill's comment and looked around the planet. "How far to the village?"
"Just over that hill and a bit," Daniel said.
Smith looked up at the sky, "Will we get there before darkness falls?"
"Probably not," O'Neill said, "And night gets even colder here on planet Chulak."
"Let's set up camp then," James said. "I'm off for a scout around. Any indigenous bears, tigers or lions I should know about?"
"Watch out for the Jaffa and Goa'uld," O'Neill said and James walked off.
"You know, there are neither Jaffa, nor Goa'uld here?" Hugh said. O'Neill looked over at the Tok'ra. In all of his years of dealing with Tok'ra, O'Neill was still not used to them.
"I know," O'Neill said, "I led the battle that destroyed Apophis once and for all."
"I bet that'd be one hell of a story to tell," Smith said.
"You don't want him to tell it," Daniel said before adding, "He'll make it work in his favour. He'll forget all about the part the rest of us played."
"I would not," O'Neill objected but no one believed him.
~*~*~*~
The camp was all set up and Colonel James was still off wandering as the suns disappeared from view leaving the campsite in darkness. Everyone had settled into his or her tent except Smith who was taking first watch and keeping an eye out for James. She was sitting around the campfire built and trying to keep it burning. It was not an easy feat to do in the planet's harsh climate. She shivered involuntarily and then felt something drop around her shoulders. She looked up and saw Colonel O'Neill standing there placing a blanket around her shoulders.
"Thanks," she whispered as puffs of condensed air came from her mouth. "You should be asleep."
"I'm not that old," O'Neill said.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean that, I meant-" he cut her off.
"I'm kidding. You've got to get a sense of humour, Major."
"I have one, sir, I just have to get used to what yours is and that shouldn't be that hard seeing as it's a lot like my Colonel's."
"Really?"
"Yeah. You two are a lot alike. I guess it has something to do with the 'curse of SG-1'," Smith said with obvious skepticism in her voice.
"What? What's 'the curse of SG-1'?" O'Neill asked.
"Ever since your SG-1 there have been certain... things, I guess you could say, that always have to happen."
"Like what?" O'Neill asked.
She sighed as if searching her brain. "They're kinda silly." The look he gave her told her to continue. "Let's see. There's the basic: SG-1 will always be the, I don't want to say most important, but they'll kinda get into the most trouble and always get out of it. SG-1's have always been the units made up of not solely military people, in fact SG-1 is the only unit to not be just military. There's also the," she laughed, "the little SG-1's will only last four years. Of course you have to remember that there have only been three SG-1's and these things have come true for two of them."
"You got a lot to live up to."
"You haven't heard the most ridiculous one yet."
"What's that?"
"Well, another 'curse' is that the two officers on SG-1 will have a sort of, how do I say this? They'll have a relationship, or will want one. Told you ridiculous."
"Doesn't sound that ridiculous," O'Neill whispered.
She looked up at him in surprise. She heard a voice full of regret and sadness. "There were loads of rumours about the SG-1 before us. I worked on the base and never knew whether to believe them or not. I also heard a load about your SG-1," she paused, "About you and Major Carter."
"I was never sure of anything between us. I always thought she just saw me as the old Colonel O'Neill."
"You sound as if you doubt that," Smith whispered.
"Long story."
"I'm not tired," she said encouraging him to continue.
"On our last mission together we had an... encounter. I mean, we'd had encounters before. If you add all the alien viruses and alternate realities together we'd had a lot of encounters, but this was different. This was of our own free will, nothing else causing it except the fear of death. We'd gated to P9R 473...
====== Flashback ======
"Oh, look: trees," Colonel Jack O'Neill said as the gate disengaged behind his team. SG-1 was on a mission to P9R 473 to scout around for anything of use. Preliminary M.A.L.P scans had shown there to be no humanoid life forms in the near vicinity of the gate and it was SG-1's task to search out any life and make friends with it.
Major Samantha Carter smiled at O'Neill's comment as she held her gun at the ready and looked around at the tree line a few feet in front of them. "Orders, sir?"
"Carter, you take point and we'll follow."
"Gee, thanks sir," Carter said, nearly perfecting his sarcastic tone.
"You've been hanging around me a little too long, Major."
"Oh, I wouldn't have it any other way, sir." Carter smiled before taking the lead.
O'Neill smiled in return as he followed Carter, Daniel and Teal'c taking up positions behind them.
------
"Colonel, I found something I think you should take a look at!" Carter shouted over her shoulder as she stood looking at a large cave in front of her.
"What is it, Major?" O'Neill asked as he came up behind her and Daniel and Teal'c joined them. They all saw the cave that Carter had found worthy of everyone's attention. "It's a cave, Major."
"I know that, sir."
"What's so special about it?"
She looked up at him. "There may be something of importance in there."
"Like what? Bats?" O'Neill mocked.
"Sam has a point," Daniel said. "I think we should go in there. You know, take a look around."
O'Neill sighed in defeat. "Fine, just don't go having too much fun."
Carter smiled before turning on her flashlight and leading the others into the cave. She turned as she got to the entrance and saw O'Neill still standing by the trees. "Aren't you coming, sir?"
"You know I don't like bats, Major. The thought of their high pitched screaming and..."
"Okay," she said cutting him off and walking off.
O'Neill watched as the three people walked into the cave and he sat down on the floor, leaning his back against a tree. Sighing, he pulled the brim of his cap down over his eyes to shield them from the sun. Closing his eyes, he began to drift off to sleep.
------
"COLONEL!" O'Neill sat bolt upright at the sound of the scream coming from inside the cave. It was undeniably Carter's scream. In a split second O'Neill was on his feet and running into the cave. He turned on his flashlight and slowed his pace to look around the cave.
"Carter!" he shouted before listening carefully for any sounds to indicate the others' positions.
"Sir, over here," Carter said, slightly quieter from nearby.
O'Neill shone the light in her direction and she squinted from the brightness. She was standing in a narrower tunnel, minus her jacket and the others. "What happened?"
"There was an accident," she said as she tried to control her rapid breathing. "We'd gone in further and Daniel was studying these cave painting things. Suddenly out of nowhere the roof started caving in, and, and, then..." She trailed off as she fought to calm down.
"Carter," O'Neill said as he grabbed her by the upper arms and tried to calm her, "Calm down. Now what happened? Where are the others?"
"Rocks started falling everywhere. Once the dust had cleared I looked up to see," she paused long enough for O'Neill to panic that Daniel had once again got himself into trouble, "Teal'c's hurt, sir. Badly."
"Show me," O'Neill ordered, not knowing whether to feel more apprehensive or not. He was relieved that it was not Daniel in trouble once more, but for Teal'c to be hurt badly the accident must be serious. O'Neill followed Carter through the tunnel a bit further and found what had troubled her so. Buried under a large rock was Teal'c, his legs hidden beneath the rock. Daniel was crouched next to him, talking to him, trying to keep Teal'c conscious. O'Neill stood there for a long moment speechless. He had no idea what to do. He had to get Teal'c out from under the rock, but he could not risk his other team members. "All right, you two get outta here and I'll help Teal'c."
"What!?" Carter and Daniel said simultaneously as Daniel stood.
"I won't risk you two in here. Now go!"
"You'll never get Teal'c out on your own, sir," Carter pointed out. O'Neill looked up at her and their eyes met. He was going to protest, but the look in her eyes told him that it would be a waste of breath and valuable time.
"Fine, here's the plan."
------
O'Neill and Daniel grunted as they heaved Teal'c onto their shoulders. Teal'c was a big man and without the use of his legs he could not help them get himself out of the cave. The two men struggled as they tried to carry Teal'c to safety. It had taken them an hour to free him and the cave had been shook by many tremors in that time. As they all reached the entrance to where the tunnel got wider, another tremor vibrated throughout the cave. This one was more intense than the others had been, but not as intense as the very first one. As rocks began to fall from up above them, everyone bent in such a way so as to protect themselves and O'Neill also protected Teal'c.
The tremors caused all four SG-1 members to fall to the ground as rocks fell all around them. O'Neill was the first to sit up. He coughed as the fine rock dust particles irritated his nose. He checked Teal'c who was lying next to him, face down, first. Teal'c's pulse was still strong and his breathing was shallow and short. O'Neill was no doctor, but he did know that they had to get Teal'c back to Earth soon.
Next O'Neill sought out Daniel. O'Neill's left hand came into contact with Daniel's shoulder and Daniel jerked upwards. "You okay?"
"Um, fine. I think." Daniel sat up further and O'Neill found his flashlight and turned it on. "Ow, okay, I have a headache."
O'Neill nodded as he looked around the cave. Behind him about two meters lay Carter. She lay slumped up against the wall with a rock on her foot. "Oh, for crying out loud!" O'Neill murmured.
"What?" Daniel asked and followed the beam of light to Carter's unconscious form. "Oh, boy!"
"I knew you two shouldn't have stayed in here. Now look what's happened." O'Neill said, falling into the easy 'self-blame' role that he was so used to.
"Jack, if you had stayed on your own you could be dead already. This isn't your fault and they'll both be okay. We'll all be okay," Daniel amended as O'Neill got to his feet and stumbled over to Carter.
"I hate caves," O'Neill murmured as he bent down next to Carter. "Carter?" he said, slapping her gently on the cheek to wake her up. She awoke with a hiss of pain and O'Neill realised why. She had a large gash on her left temple, most probably caused by a stray falling rock. Her eyes flittered open.
"Colonel O'Neill?" she whispered.
"You okay, Carter?" His voice was full of compassion.
"Apart from the world's worst hangover and a broken ankle I'm fine." She joked as she tried a smile, but it did not work.
"I should try and splint it," he smiled.
"Over my dead body. How's Teal'c?"
"We need to get him out of here."
"Go on then. Go."
"I'm not leaving you, Carter." O'Neill shook his head.
"You won't be. You'll be getting Teal'c to safety and then coming back for me." O'Neill hesitated and Carter continued, "It's plan B, sir."
He studied her carefully and knew to what she was referring. A long time ago he had been the one about to die and he had formulated a plan B. Plan A had been for them both to get out of their position, for both of them to live. Plan B had been for her to escape leaving him to die, but living herself. She was now giving him the same ultimatum. He had no idea how long it would take to get Teal'c out or how severe any further quakes would be. He did know that Daniel could not get Teal'c out on his own.
He nodded. "I'll be back. I promise."
"I trust you and anyway you wouldn't let me die."
"How can you be so sure?" He smiled, knowing that he would never leave her.
"I still owe you ten bucks from last week's poker game."
O'Neill smiled, but before he got the chance to say anything else Daniel called to him. "Jack, Teal'c's getting worse. His pulse is weakening."
O'Neill nodded and looked Carter in the eye. "See you soon."
------
O'Neill helped lower Teal'c to the floor and without another thought he ran back into the cave. Daniel looked up and tried to protest at O'Neill's recklessness, but thought better of it. He knew better than anyone that nothing he could say or do would stop O'Neill from rescuing Carter.
O'Neill ran through the short entrance tunnel to where he had left Carter. It was not far from the entrance, but it was far enough. He stopped a few feet in front of her and saw that she was now standing. Her foot was still trapped, but she had managed to stand. She was leaning against the wall with one hand, while the other hand was holding her head.
"Carter?" he asked, worried by her pained expression.
"I'm fine. It's nothing a few dozen pain killers can't handle."
"Let's get you out of here then," he said, bending down and he tried to move the rock positioned on her foot. It was heavier than it looked.
Another tremble shook the cave and O'Neill stood quickly in an attempt to cover Carter's head from any other falling rocks that might want have wanted to hit her. The tremble ceased and both Carter and O'Neill looked up. His arms were wrapped around her shoulders as he looked into her eyes. Even in the dim light, her blue eyes shone vibrantly masking the obvious pain she was suffering.
"The rock's pretty heavy," he whispered, not taking his eyes from hers.
"Another tremble and we're goners, sir." She whispered back. After a long pause she spoke again. This time as she spoke she looked deeply into his eyes to get her message across. "If another tremble hits, sir, you have to..."
He cut her off. "Negative, Major. I am not leaving you." He saw the pleading look in her eyes. The look that showed she did not want him to die for her, because of her. He also saw a hint of regret in her eyes. She knew that another tremble would kill them both and she just wanted to save him. He, too, had realised that fact, but he did not want to act on it.
"Please, Jack," she whispered quietly with her voice full of emotion. She saw in his eyes how he knew he had to leave her, but that it was breaking his heart to do that. She saw the pain and sadness in his eyes, but she also saw the defiant look. He was not going to go. He was going to stay with her as the cave fell down on itself.
"I'm sorry, Sam," he whispered, knowing that he could not leave her to die. He knew the use of his first name was meant to persuade him to go, to make him realise that she was being serious.
Both knew that this was a no win situation. They both wanted something to happen that the other did not and the use of their rarely used first names simply emphasised that point. Carter, however, knew that her idea was right. She knew that it would be a waste of two lives if he were to stay with her and she also only knew of one way to get him to live.
Another tremble hit the cave and Carter tore her eyes from O'Neill's long enough to see the ceiling a few feet in front of them beginning to become loose. She knew that they were dangerously close to falling down, blocking the entrance and trapping the pair of them. Pulling him closer with the hand that had been holding her head earlier she kissed him.
He stood there in shock as she pulled his head closer and deepened the kiss further. Just as abruptly as the kiss had started it ended. She pulled away and looked him in the eye. Both of them were breathing deeply and he could see the tears in her eyes. "Come back for me, Jack," she whispered as she pushed him backward with all her force. He stumbled back a few steps and then fell to the floor. The last thing he saw as the rocks fell just in front of him was Carter crouched down on the floor and covering her head.
"Sam!" he shouted as the rocks blocked the entrance.
========= End flashback =========
"... Daniel and I helped Teal'c back to Earth and the General at the time assembled a rescue unit immediately. Daniel, SG-4 and I were ready to go through the gate within ten minutes, but the gate wouldn't activate. There was absolutely no way of getting back to the planet."
"I'm so... sorry," Smith whispered as she stared intently at the fire in front of her. She looked up at Colonel O'Neill and saw a heartbroken man sitting before her. In some ways she could not believe that sitting before her was the same man who had been so unemotional before. She had heard rumours about that last mission and about the Colonel's and Major's relationship, but hearing what had transpired changed everything. She had been removed from that final mission for the first SG-1, she had no emotional ties to it whatsoever, but upon hearing those words come from O'Neill's mouth she felt how hard it had been for him. She now knew the truth behind his relationship with his Major. She could never imagine what he had felt throughout that mission and afterwards, but she did know how he had felt in the four years leading up to it, the four years of wanting someone that you couldn't have. "You loved her, didn't you?" she whispered so quietly that he almost missed it. Almost.
She expected him to deny it, or to accept it. She expected him to dodge her question and end their conversation, but what he did she did not expect. He laughed. It was not a hysterical laugh at an immensely funny joke, nor was it a sarcastic laugh. It was a wistful and bitter laugh, one that said 'yeah, I did, but look where it got me: a whole load of heartache.'
Undeterred, Smith continued with her questions. She had to know how deep their bond had been. She had to know whether it would get any better for herself. "Do you regret never telling her?"
Another slight laugh. "Every day of my life."
"Colonel, if she's out there we'll bring her home."
"That's the problem, Major, I've spent the past seven years trying to believe that she wasn't out there, and now she might be."
"Do you *still* love her?" Smith asked, her voice shaking slightly. She knew she was asking personal questions to a man whose temper was legendary, but her insatiable curiosity had got the better of her. She had to know if all of the rumours were true.
"More than ever."
"Forgive me for saying this, but you seem scared about the prospect of finding her. Why?"
"Seven years can do a lot to people." He paused and then in a flippant tone he added. "Hell, she may have forgotten all about me and got married to some... alien guy."
"You don't really believe that, do you? I mean if that kiss meant half as much to her as it did to you..." She trailed off, leaving the thought.
"What if it meant nothing to her?"
"Trust me. It meant something."
"Trust you cos' you're a woman, or cos' you're in..." He was cut off as Colonel James walked over.
"What are you two doing still up?" he asked, kneeling down beside the rock on which Katie was sitting.
"I'm taking first watch and the Colonel here, well, he never actually told me." She turned to him, a twinkle in her eye.
"I felt uncomfortable," O'Neill admitted.
"The cold getting to you in your old age, Colonel?" James joked.
"No," O'Neill said, not rising to the challenge. "I'm not used to not being in charge. I'm used to having my team on another planet with me."
Having the sense to realise that he had touched a raw nerve, James put a hand on Smith's knee and pushed himself up to his feet. "That walk tired me out so I'll be off to bed. Umm, if you get tired, Major..." He left the sentence hanging.
"Yep." She nodded and James walked off. After he was out of earshot, Smith let out a long deep sigh.
It was O'Neill's turn to study her. He could not explain how he knew what she was feeling. He could read it on her face. It was how he had used to read Carter's face, but it surprised him that he had an insight into a woman he had known for a little over a day. He knew what she was thinking though; her eyes held the look of love. "You said something about a curse on SG-1 that involved the two air force officers," O'Neill started in the hope that Smith would continue.
"I'm not sure if I'd call it a curse, more like a ritual or an expectation. But the romance one is the most ridiculous." She smiled somewhat embarrassingly.
"Tell me to butt out if you want, but I don't believe that it's that ridiculous. And remember that I just spilled my guts to you."
"And where do you get that from?" she asked in total disbelief that he had any proof.
"The looks you share, the looks you give one another when the other isn't watching, the smiles you give him when he makes a joke or funny comment. I can see it all, but I can also see the hesitation you both share. Hesitation from regulations, fear of the other and fear of ruining your friendship. Trust me, you have to tell him how you feel before this curse, ritual, expectation, or whatever you want to call it 'dictates' that you can't. Don't miss out on the joy that love can bring."
Smith stood up. "You don't know jack-shit." She spat. "I think you're just so wound up in your own life that you're getting confused. All you can see is your Major and the problems that you shared. You think that you can right your wrongs through us, but you don't know how far off base you are. You see I've known the 'joy' that is Andrew James, up close and personal." She paused and took a deep breath as she tried to calm down. She had fought to keep her voice below a shout so she did not alert the others.
"I'm sorry." O'Neill apologised. "I didn't mean to..." He trailed off, apologies were not his strong suit.
"I'm sorry for snapping. I guess I just get a bit frustrated with all of these expectations hanging over my head. Every day I have someone look at me suspiciously whenever I laugh at or look at Andrew. I have people continually talking about 'us' behind our backs and I mean that sure didn't help his marriage."
"He's married!" O'Neill exclaimed. "I would never have thought that. Are they happy?"
"Probably not." O'Neill gave her a questioning look and she continued. "Well, would you be if your partner were working with their ex?"
"You and Colonel James used to have something?"
"We used to have a marriage," Smith paused and then realised O'Neill could easily misinterpret that. "But that was a long time ago. We split years ago and he got remarried just before getting assigned to the SGC. His wife was none too happy."
He looked at her suspiciously. "Okay," he agreed. He yawned. "I better get some sleep. We have a long day ahead of us."
She nodded, but did not meet his gaze as he walked off.
~*~*~*~
Jack sighed as he made his way into his tent. The light from the fire provided the only illumination, but it was enough to see his way over to his side of the tent. He could make out the form of Daniel lying on his side of the small-enclosed space. Jack climbed into the familiar sleeping bag and sighed. He looked over at Daniel. That man always could fall asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Jack had no idea why he wore the blindfold at night because nothing could awaken him. It was the first time that Jack really wished Daniel was awake. It was also the first time in seven years that he really wanted to talk to his best friend about everything.
"I miss her." Jack's eyes opened widely at Daniel's whisper. "Do you think she's still out there?"
"If she is, Danny, we'll find her."
"How could we have left her behind, Jack? How could we have just abandoned her like that? She'd never have left any of us behind."
"There was nothing more we could have done. You heard the Tok'ra, they said that the fastest a ship could get there was ten years. She would never have survived that long in the cave."
"How could she be alive now then?"
"We don't know that she is. We just have to hope," Jack said, his voice getting quieter the more he talked. He no longer wanted to talk about what he was feeling. He had momentarily forgotten how hard it was to talk about personal things. He decided to change the subject. "You know how history's supposed to repeat itself?" he asked before continuing, "Well, history's repeating itself for this SG-1."
"How do you mean?" Daniel asked, obviously curious.
"She's falling in love with him. Actually she's realising that she's fallen in love with him again, but deep down she's loved him for a long time."
"What about him?" Daniel asked, knowing to whom he was referring.
"He's known it for a long time. There's just a lot at stake, a lot to hold him back," Jack said, no longer knowing whether he was referring to himself or to James, or to both. He took a long pause before plucking up his courage. "Daniel, can I tell you something?" Jack asked through the darkness of the tent. Tonight had really helped him. His talk with Major Smith and just being with Daniel, his best friend, again made a whole world of difference. Both had made him realise that he still cared deeply for Sam. He had got the story of Sam's final moments off of his chest; he now had to reveal another secret. A secret that he had kept for ten years.
"What is it?" Daniel asked, hoping that Jack was finally ready to talk about what happened on that fateful day seven years ago. It was obvious that it was hard for Jack to be back on another planet, let alone be near what reminded him of Sam the most, bar Sam herself.
Jack inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. "This is hard for me. I mean, I've never been good with my feelings so spending the past seven years as a recluse hasn't exactly helped."
"Jack, what's this about?" Daniel asked, beginning to feel uneasy as to what Jack was trying to say.
"Her, the only thing that ever mattered," Jack whispered as he rolled onto his back. "Remember back about ten years."
"Jack, ten years is going back a long way. You're going to have to be a bit more specific."
Jack sighed, searching his brain. "You remember that fish-guy, you know the one who made us all think that you were dead."
Daniel nodded in the dim moonlight. "Nem," Daniel spoke the man's name. "He wanted to know about his mate, Omeroca. What about him?"
"Not him exactly it was during that time when we thought you were dead. We were all upset, but Sam was the most. She'd been kept in the infirmary longer than Teal'c and I..."
====== Flashback ======
Colonel Jack O'Neill entered the locker room. He had been put on stand down for seven days, along with the other two surviving members of his team. He got what he wanted out of his locker and as he began to close it his eyes focused on the locker next to his. The display label read 'Jackson'. Anger rose within him at the thought of his lost friend. The anger ripped from him as a violent outburst on his defenceless locker door. He slammed it shut before proceeding to punch and kick it until it became deformed. He was still venting his frustration on the sheet of metal when he heard a quiet voice from behind him.
"Sorry, sir, I didn't know that you were in here." Jack turned to see Sam stood in the doorway looking lost, alone and vulnerable. His temper did not melt away; he merely hid it because of her timidness. That was not a word with which he would associate Sam. Brave and strong were the words that sprung to mind.
"That's okay, Carter, I'm, uh," he looked at the battered locker, "I'm finished here." He stepped past the Captain as he headed to the door. He paused as she spoke quietly again.
"He's really gone, hasn't he?" she asked, staring into space. Jack turned back to look at her, her back to him. He could hear the tears in her voice. He could hear the strain she was under, trying to keep it together, trying not to crack and break down in tears. He knew better than most what it was like to keep all of those feelings squashed down into the deepest part of one's soul and keeping them there until there was no chance of return; until they were blacker than night. He knew better than anyone did what that did to one's soul and he could not let that happen to her. Not to Sam, not her.
So, he extended a life raft, a means by which they could salvage her soul before it was too black, before it was near to his in composition. "Yes, he is," he said quietly and as compassionately as was possible for him. She nodded her head gently and, in his mind, Jack could see the expression on her face. It was not one of wide-eyed shock as it had been when they had first got back - when he had held onto her as tight as she held back. They had supported one another back through the gate, not just as physical support from the shock of Daniel's burning and the bodily shock of being immersed in water. It had been emotional support, for both. "What are you doing now?" Jack asked, a wave of protectiveness running through him.
She sighed as she stepped towards her locker; her back still turned to him. "I'm getting as far away from this base as possible." She said no more as she continued to remove her jacket from the locker. She did not need to say anything more because Jack heard the silent words. The words that he had once silently said to Sara, his wife at that time. He could not let her take action on those words, he could not let her run away from it all. He had run light years away, but both Daniel and Skaara had sent him home, partly healed. Now it was his turn to help heal another. He would not let Sam run from the base never to return.
"You want to, uh, come 'round to mine? You know, drink to his memory." Jack stumbled, suddenly feeling very self-conscious. She turned to look at him, the tears clearly visible in her eyes. She managed a slight smile and nodded.
"You got enough beer to keep me happy, though?" Sam asked through a watery smile.
"I got plenty." He paused. "I'll wait for you topside," he said and began to leave. As he got halfway out of the door he turned to look back at her. She was still facing him, but looking down at the floor. He had seen something in her eyes as he had said that he was leaving. It had been fear.
========= End Flashback =========
"... She was afraid that I was going to leave, too. But I wasn't. I felt strangely possessive over her. I mean, I'd only known her a few months, but she'd always been this strong, dependable soldier and suddenly there she was crying her eyes out and holding onto me as if her life depended on it."
"Why didn't you take your own advice?" Daniel asked, momentarily side-tracked.
"Huh?" Jack asked, glancing over at Daniel and only seeing an outline of him.
"You invited Sam over so that she wouldn't turn her back on the world, yet when she died you turned your back on everything."
"Can I finish my story, now?" Jack asked, dodging Daniel's question.
"Yeah sure, sorry," Daniel apologised.
"I was waiting uptop...
====== Flashback ======
Jack was leaning against his car as he saw Sam approach. She was dressed in downtime gear: blue jeans, white shirt and a black half-length leather jacket. He had not spent that much time with her off duty and that time had never been just the two of them - either Daniel or Teal'c had always been there. The thought of why exactly that was suddenly hit Jack and the possible reasons frightened him. Did he not spend time alone with her because she was a junior officer? No, because he spent time with Ferretti and the others. Was it because she was a scientist? No, because he got on with Daniel perfectly well - most of the time. Maybe because she was a woman? But he liked women. Maybe it was a mixture of it all. Maybe it was because she was a female junior officer, a beautiful, intelligent, funny, brave soldier who laughed at all of his jokes and could match him jibe for jibe.
Oh, Hell, Jack thought as she approached. What had he got himself into? No, he told himself, it was nothing. Just a bit of harmless tension and he could resist whatever temptation arose. "Ready to go?" he asked, opening the passenger side door and she got into the car.
"Yep," she said somewhat distractedly. Her face was pale and eyes tired. As he closed the door he noted that she did not even flinch from the door slamming. That made him realise that no matter what conflicting feelings he had, she needed him as a friend. And anyway, if he had survived through the whole anti-histamine revert to cave people thing, he could manage one night comforting her.
------
The drive to Jack's house was completed in total silence. He had turned on the car stereo briefly, but the only music that he could locate was some sad depressing music so it had been turned off. Throughout the journey Sam had kept her face turned to the window, so that Jack could not see it. He did not need to look at her to know how upset she was. Nevertheless, he still kept glancing over at her. Whether it was to check she was okay or to reassure himself he did not know. His reasons for inviting her over were not totally selfless. He did want to make sure that she was okay and that she did not do anything stupid, but he, too, did not want to be alone. He could not let his life go down the drain as it nearly had before. He could not dishonour Daniel's memory by losing everything now.
Jack pulled into his drive and switched the engine off. He undid his seatbelt and looked over at Sam. She was still sitting, staring out of the window with her seatbelt on.
"Hey," Jack said, gently nudging her as he suddenly wondered what he should call her, "We're at my place."
Sam turned to look at him and inhaled sharply. She had been miles away; only her body had been in the car. Wordlessly, she undid the seatbelt and got of the car. Jack followed suit and she followed him into the house. He pointed her in the direction of the lounge room, while he went to the kitchen to get some beers.
He entered the lounge to see Sam on the sofa. She was not sitting comfortably; she was perched on the edge, her eyes wide and glazed over. She was, probably, still in shock, Jack decided as he handed her one of the beer bottles. She took it without a word and immediately brought it up to her mouth. She took a large mouthful as Jack moved to sit opposite her. They both sat there in silence, staring into space and remaining motionless, bar the movement of an arm to bring the bottle to their mouths.
------
Later that night a collection of eight empty beer bottles had collected on the small table in front of Jack and Sam. Also on the table was an empty tub of ice cream, that Sam had eaten before starting her third beer. They had sat there mainly in silence, with the odd brief conversation thrown in. A small table lamp had been switched on next to Jack when the room had gradually begun to get dark after the sun had set.
Jack sniffed as he put his empty bottle on the table, making nine in total. "You want another one?" he asked, moving forward in his seat.
Sam had relaxed earlier on in the evening and she sat up from slouching in the chair. "Uh-huh. Where can I find the toilet?"
"Up the stairs and turn left." Jack directed her and she nodded her thanks. He went into the kitchen and got the last two beers out of the fridge. He took them back into the lounge room and set one of them down on the table. He opened the other and took a swig. He then put his beer down before sitting down. He had no idea what he was doing concerning Sam; all he knew was neither of them should be alone. He knew that she should talk about events, before she became as bitter as he was. Maybe, because of that very reason, he should not be the one with her. He should have found someone else to talk to her, someone who would actually be able to help her. Of course, he had no idea who that someone could be. He did not know about her family, or her friends. Usually he would have turned to Daniel, but considering the circumstances, it was out of the question. In fact, the only female he could think of was the doctor on base, but he did not think that she and Sam were friends.
His eyes opened and he sat up abruptly. He glanced at the clock on the mantelpiece. He had sat down about twenty minutes ago. The question, he asked himself, was where was Sam? He stood up, shakily at first, and made his way up the stairs. At the top he paused, suddenly unsure of how to locate her. Should he call her 'Carter' or 'Sam'? He settled on an answer.
"Carter?"
"Up here, sir," she replied from the roof. He made his way up to the roof and he found Sam looking through his telescope. She had put her leather jacket on and, in hindsight, Jack wished that he had grabbed a jacket, for his black long sleeved T-shirt was not providing sufficient warmth.
"You know you can call me Jack."
"You *can* call me Sam," she retorted not taking her eye away from the telescope. "I didn't know you liked looking at the stars."
"Ever since Abydos," he answered.
She looked away from the telescope and looked down at the floor. She nodded slowly. He finished climbing up onto the platform and took a seat opposite her. She continued looking down at the floor, her mind once again drifting miles away. He sat there watching her, wondering what to do next. He went for the compassionate male thing, or at least he was going to attempt to.
"What are you doing up here?" he asked. "Not that I mind, I'm just curious," he added hastily.
"I saw the second staircase and I got curious. I saw the stars and it made me think," she said, her voice getting quieter as she went.
"About what?" he asked, wishing that he had something with which to keep his hands occupied. It was not only for that reason that he wished he had brought his beer with him. His drunken haze was beginning to clear and if that cleared he would see his life in daylight and he was not ready for that. He could not contemplate his own feelings and thoughts when he had to listen to Sam, and maybe that was why he had invited her over - to avoid his own problems.
"It's gonna sound stupid," she whispered, still looking at the floor. Jack moved forward to kneel on the floor in front of her. He bent his neck at such an angle so that he could see her eyes.
"No, it won't," he whispered back just as quietly.
"I started to think that around one of those distant stars orbits a planet with Daniel's remains on," she choked out as tears began to fall.
Jack reached his arm out and placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "There's nothing we could have done, Sam."
"I know," she said, her voice nearly reaching ultrasonic. "But he's really gone. I keep thinking I'm dreaming and that I'll wake up, but I don't." She sobbed.
"Ssh," he whispered as he moved his hand from her shoulder to her jawbone, cupping her cheek. She still had her gaze on the floor, but at his urging she looked up at him.
He could not explain the feeling that engulfed him. He looked into her crystal blue eyes and saw the tears slipping from them. He could see her thoughts in her expressive clear eyes. In one instant he knew what they both needed, what they both wanted. Comfort. Comfort that only the other could give. Simultaneously they both moved forward, their lips meeting in the middle and hungrily catching the other's.
Her arms slipped around him, while his other arm snaked under her jacket and his hand rested on the square of her back. Both pressed themselves forwards while pushing the other closer, thus deepening the kiss.
========= End Flashback =========
"... And, well, you can guess what happened next," Jack said into the darkness.
"I can't believe you. I never suspected anything. I can't believe you never told me," Daniel said, the outrage evident in his voice.
"There wasn't anything to suspect. It wasn't the beginning of a relationship. Sure, I fell in love with her, but I wasn't then. It was like she was my little sister."
"Please don't tell me you ever did that with your little sister," Daniel groaned.
"Of course not, let me finish. I had to comfort and protect her. Until you came back I never let her out my sight. I guess our form of comfort arose from our need to feel something other than the pain. I needed to feel something other than the sadness of losing my best friend, something other than the anger at being totally helpless. I guess she felt the same too and a hug just didn't cut it."
"Jack, you took advantage of her in her most vulnerable state. How could you?"
"I didn't take advantage of her. She didn't expect anything of it. We both knew what we were doing, why we were doing it. I can't explain it in any way that it doesn't sound bad. We just needed the other for that night. After you came back we never spoke of that time again. I don't know what would have happened if you really were dead. And anyway," he added quickly, "she instigated the second night."
"Second night! Exactly how many times did you two sleep together?"
"Twice, that first night and then after your wake."
"Glad you two were having so much fun while I was having my mind probed." Daniel said with a trace of sarcasm.
"It wasn't like that. None of it was like that. She'd stayed behind to help me clear up. We had an early start the next morning. We had to sort out your stuff...
====== Flashback ======
Jack entered his house via the back door. His house felt eerily silent now that no one was there. No one but Carter. Jack entered his kitchen to see his subordinate officer standing by the dishwasher. When he had become a bachelor once again, Jack had decided to make his life as easy as possible and that included a dishwasher so that he did not have to waste his time. Carter turned to face him, a pile of clean dishes in hand.
"Where do these go?" she asked. He walked past her and opened a cupboard.
"Up here."
"Thanks," she smiled, putting the dishes away before following him into the other room.
"Did you, uh, want to stay, or what?" he asked nervously. He implied nothing, or he did not mean to. He still did not want to be alone and, in the hope that she did not either, he had invited her to stay. He did not expect anything to happen if she were to stay, he just did not want to be alone. He had not been alone since Sam had gotten into his car the previous day. She had gone to the base briefly to get Teal'c, but by then most of the others had arrived at Daniel's wake.
"Thanks for the offer, but I'm feeling better. I think I can be alone," she replied with a brave smile. She wanted to believe what she said. She wanted to manage on her own, but she was not sure if she could.
With those few words, Jack's mood fell. He knew that he did not want to be alone, but he could not bring himself to ask her to stay. His ego would not allow it and he could not risk her sanity by making her become dependent on him. He could not risk dragging anyone else into his chaotic life. "Sure," he said, easily masking his dejected tone. "You sure you should drive, I mean, you have had a few?"
"Would a taxi come out at this time of night?" Sam asked, picking up her purse.
Jack glanced at his watch. "Probably not. I can drive you, though," Jack said, grabbing his keys from a nearby table.
"You've had a few, too," she said, although she still followed him to the door.
He opened the door and let her walk out into the cool night air. As he closed and locked the door behind him he replied to her comment: "I'm immune."
"Of course you are." She played along. "I guess if you can survive Skaara's moonshine, Earth beverages must seem pretty tame."
Jack paused as he began to open the passenger side door and he whispered the boy's name. Skaara had reminded Jack of Charlie, Jack's son. Both boys had forever saluted Jack. Both had fallen victim to two different types of death, neither of which Jack had stopped. He could have prevented Charlie's death - all he had had to do was remove the gun from the house. He could have prevented Skaara's abduction - all he had had to do was fight back. He could have prevented Daniel's death - he could have rescued him, rather than save himself.
"You seem sober enough to drive to me," Jack whispered as he turned and walked back into the house, leaving Sam to get home on her own. Jack walked into his lounge area and looked around him. He looked around at the pathetic place that he called home. It was not home. It was just a place; a place that held no memories, one that looked like it was lived in, but it was all a hoax. Angrily, he moved towards the mantelpiece and with a sweep of his arm he knocked everything off of it. He could not bear to have the people in the photos looking at him, mocking him with their eternal glare. He had ruined so many people's lives, not forgetting his own. He was glad Carter no longer needed comfort. He did not want her hanging around so that he could ruin her life, too. That list was already too long. Charlie. Sara. Skaara. Sha're. Kawalsky. Daniel. That was why he had to retire. He had to get away from everyone so that no one else could be hurt. He would sacrifice his own life for the safety of all the other possibilities.
He turned and saw his large bookcase on the other side of the room. In two steps he was at its side and for absolutely no reason he held it tightly and pushed it over. It crashed to the floor scattering books everywhere. He was not a big reader; he did not even know what half of the books he had there were. There were some Air Force training manuals, some astrology books, and some works of fiction. Most of them had been sitting on the shelves gathering dust since the day he'd moved in over a year ago. Breathing deeply and about ready to cry, he leaned his back against the cool pale wall behind him. He closed his eyes to stop the tears that threatened to fall. He slid his back down the wall until he was sitting on the floor, his feet flat on the floor and his knees bent in front of him. He knew what he wanted and needed, but he knew what was for the best. He did not want to be alone, but he knew that he had to be. Someone else had other ideas though.
"Jack," Sam said quietly as she crouched down in front of him, her right hand gently resting on his left knee.
"You shouldn't be here," he said without opening his eyes.
"Why? Because you don't need me? That's a lie, Jack. You need what I needed last night. Comfort, loving, any feeling other than heartache. Let me help you, Jack, like you helped me."
He opened his eyes, their brown depths surprisingly devoid of emotion. "You'll get hurt if you stay. Everyone does when they come near me."
"You won't hurt me. I survived Hanson, I can survive you," she whispered, moving closer and kissing him before he got a chance to say 'no' again. Succumbing to the feel of her, the feel of something else, the feeling that was not loneliness, he pulled her closer, moving forward himself and deepening the kiss.
========= End Flashback =========
"... But you see," Jack continued in a bitter tone, "she didn't survive me. She shouldn't have died on that planet, Daniel. I should have saved her. I should have told her."
"She knew, Jack, she knew," Daniel reassured his friend.
"You really think so?" Jack asked, his voice full of hope.
Daniel smiled to himself. "Jack, when I said that I never thought you two had been together I didn't mean I never suspected your feelings - both of your feelings. It was obvious to everyone on the base, but you two."
Both men fell silent as a long moment passed between them. Finally Daniel broke the silence. "'Night."
"'Night," Jack repeated and he heard Daniel turn over. Jack turned onto his side to face away from Daniel. No longer feeling tired, Jack lay there with his eyes open and whispered to himself. "I miss her too, Danny."
"I know you do." Daniel replied to Jack's shock. He had thought Daniel was asleep. Jack turned over once more, getting himself comfortable, and he soon found himself asleep. For the first time in a long time he went to sleep with a heavy load lifted from his shoulders. He felt strangely at peace with himself; maybe it was because he had hope again.
~*~*~*~
Early the next morning O'Neill was awoken when someone stuck their head inside his tent. "Time to rise and shine people." O'Neill looked up and saw Colonel James stood there with a large smile on his face. O'Neill winced because it was too early in the morning for someone to be so happy. "We've got a long day ahead of us and we've already wasted half of it. Plus we have some visitors."
"Visitors?" O'Neill asked, glancing over at Daniel who looked as bad as O'Neill felt.
"A group of people came down from the village a while ago; they sent a few people back to fetch Teal'c," James explained.
"Teal'c!" Daniel said, suddenly perking up. "He's here, he's okay?"
"Apparently so," James said. "I suggest you get up before he arrives, though," and with that James disappeared from view leaving O'Neill and Daniel to get ready for Teal'c.
~*~*~*~
O'Neill exited the tent and his eyes were immediately drawn to Major Smith. She was standing a few feet away talking with Adams. O'Neill noticed how she absently kept looking up at Colonel James. She glanced over at O'Neill and he raised an eyebrow in a 'told-you-so' way. Her face hardened as she looked down at the floor. When she finally looked up again she kept her eyes on Adams at all time, not once looking at James again. O'Neill smiled to himself as he turned to look at the others. James was standing a few feet from both himself and the Major, and he was talking to two Chulakians. O'Neill did not recognise them from his past dealings with this planet, but they did not look like Jaffa. The final SG-1 member was also standing with a few Chulakians and they appeared to be having an in-depth conversation about something.
Daniel walked up behind O'Neill and stood there looking over his shoulder at the planet that was getting warmer, although it being Chulak warm was still cold. Daniel sighed and O'Neill looked over his shoulder at the younger man.
"What?" O'Neill asked, noticing a nostalgic look on Daniel's face.
"Strange, isn't it? I mean, being back here after all this time. After that last mission, I never wanted to set foot through the gate again. And I know that I never exactly liked this place, I mean it's cold, it's where Sha're was..." he trailed off. "But I've missed this place. In truth this is where SG-1, our SG-1, came into being."
"You're right. I've missed seeing everyone."
"Why didn't you keep in touch then?" Daniel asked quietly as he moved to stand in front of O'Neill.
O'Neill glanced up at everyone to make sure that no one was overtly watching him and in a hushed voice he answered the good doctor. "I guess I thought if I didn't see anyone I could pretend you were all at the SGC perfectly fine and that Carter wasn't..." he trailed off.
"Did you honestly believe that?" Daniel asked, obviously doubting what his best friend was saying.
O'Neill closed his eyes as if wishing he could disappear. He was saved from answering when he opened his eyes and saw a form coming over the hill in front of them. O'Neill allowed a smile to form on his face as he saw his friend approaching them. He glanced at Daniel as Daniel looked at him and they shared a smile before both looked back at Teal'c. All three men had large radiant, beaming smiles on their faces. Daniel and O'Neill began to walk closer to the Jaffa and the three of them met each other in the middle.
"Colonel, Doctor," Teal'c said with an inclination of his head before Daniel pulled him into a manly hug. Teal'c returned Daniel's hug before they both pulled away.
"Teal'c," Daniel greeted and Teal'c turned to O'Neill. Teal'c began to salute his former commanding officer, but O'Neill pulled him into a hug. When they parted O'Neill smiled at the other man and shrugged his shoulders.
"What brings you here?" Teal'c asked as they allowed the others to join in their conversation.
"Nice to see you, too, Teal'c," O'Neill joked and James jumped in.
"I'm Colonel Andrew James. General Schofield sent me to find you."
"Why?" Teal'c asked.
"Yesterday someone off-world dialed Earth. Whoever that was they had SG-1's remote transmission code. We now know that it did not come from you, but we believe you should be present when we go to the planet it did come from," James explained.
"Who did it come from?" Teal'c asked. "And why did you suspect it was I who sent you the code?"
Smith answered the second part of his question. "We lost all of our files due to a computer virus. It wiped our entire database. We no longer have any record of the missions in the past eleven years, only that from word of mouth. We couldn't match the coordinates from yesterday with any known planets. Subsequently we had to recall Colonel O'Neill and Doctor Jackson to find out which planet the wormhole originated from."
"Who else would have SG-1's remote transmission code?" Teal'c asked.
"Only one other person would have that code because we stopped using it the day you all returned from your final mission," Smith said. She looked up directly at all three men. "The only person that could have sent that code is Major Samantha Carter."
~*~*~*~
O'Neill could not describe the feeling he felt as Smith said that one simple sentence. It gave him hope that maybe Carter was still out there somewhere and alive and that he would soon see her. Then again it was that thought of seeing her alive again that scared him. For seven years he had not seen her and he had given her up for dead and the thought that she might still be alive - it made him feel guilty that he had given up that quickly.
O'Neill broke out of his thoughts and glanced up at Teal'c as he spoke. "That cannot be true; Major Carter is dead. There can be no way that she survived the past seven years."
O'Neill winced as he was reminded that it might not be Carter who sent the code, someone else may have accessed it and then it occurred to him. It was highly unlikely that Carter could still be alive after all this time, which only left one other person. "What about Bra'tac?"
Teal'c looked down, a saddened look on his face, as James asked, "Who's Bra'tac?"
"Teal'c's Jaffa mentor, leader of the Jaffa rebellion," Smith answered and everyone looked at her in surprise. "What? I learn my SG history."
"It cannot be Bra'tac," Teal'c said and only continued when O'Neill prodded him to. "He passed away five years ago."
"Sir," Smith said to Colonel O'Neill, "We did think of that. We thought of everyone who once had a SG-1 code. Tollans and Tok'ra have both been given new ones, neither would use SG-1's. There is no one else left except Major Carter."
"Don't you see the large problem with that though? She was trapped in a cave in over seven years ago. She couldn't have survived. Even if she had there was no way of rescuing her. The fastest a ship could get there was ten years. She couldn't have survived."
"Sir, a Goa'uld sarcophagus can resurrect someone years after their death," Smith said and O'Neill looked at her.
"Carter would *never* give up the code. Never," O'Neill said before walking off.
"Let's get packed up, people," James said and Daniel looked over at him. James nodded and Daniel, accompanied by Teal'c, went off to find O'Neill.
~*~*~*~
Daniel found Jack sitting on the ground, absently picking blades of grass and shredding them between his fingers. Daniel glanced at Teal'c and both nodded. They approached Jack quietly and without looking up Jack said, "Leave me alone."
"Jack," Daniel protested.
"Don't say it, Daniel. Whatever it is you're going to say, don't."
"You can't blame yourself, Jack," Daniel said and Jack looked up just to glare at his friend.
"I said, don't say it."
"Why?"
"If I want to blame myself I can. There is nothing you can do to stop that."
"Is that why you never contacted any of us?" Daniel asked. "Is that why you abandoned everyone? Because you blamed yourself? If that's true then you're more stupid and selfish than I thought. We were all there, Jack, we were all hurting."
"Yes, but I gave the order to leave!" Jack shouted angrily.
"If you hadn't, Teal'c would be dead. There was nothing more that you could do. It wasn't your fault that for some reason the gate never worked again." Daniel tried to comfort Jack, but they all knew that it was doing no good.
"It doesn't matter what you say, Daniel, nothing will take back the fact that I left her. I left her there to die, Daniel."
"We all left her there, Jack, we all felt guilty."
"It's not the same. She didn't... She, she..." He trailed off, unable to continue.
"Jack, what happened while you were in the cave with her? When I turned around you were sitting on the floor and the cave was blocked."
"She pushed me away so I wouldn't die with her," Jack said quietly.
"And you let her?" Daniel asked.
"She caught me off guard," Jack said and Daniel knew what he meant.
"Oh!" Before either could say anything else Adams came over.
"We're ready to ship out, sirs," she said and Jack stood up.
Without saying anything else to Daniel, Jack walked off. He picked up his gun and held it close to his body. With both hands around the gun there was no risk of anyone seeing how badly his hands were shaking. He had rarely ever felt nervous or scared, but at this moment in time he felt both. In a few moment's time he would know if Carter were dead or alive. He would know if the past seven years of his life had been wasted by him mourning her death when she was still alive, or whether this new-found hope was misguided. So soon until his life would change be it for better or worse. He did not think he could handle losing her all over again. He could not mourn for her again.
~*~*~*~
The four members of SG-1 and their temporary extended three members were standing in the control room with the General and some technicians. Major Smith was sitting at a computer terminal dialing up the Stargate. She knew what this simple task meant to everyone, that the opening of this gate would change a lot of people's lives. She glanced up at Colonel James who was stood next to her and she saw the usual face that portrayed no emotion to the bystander. She knew him better, though; she could see the quiet nervousness on his face. He knew what this mission meant to everyone else.
"Chevron one engaged," Smith announced as the gate's inner ring spun and the chevron glowed as the ring came to rest on the next glyph. There was a M.A.L.P. sitting at the bottom of the ramp waiting to go through the gate the moment the wormhole was established to discover what exactly was on that planet. Smith knew that they could easily have sent the M.A.L.P. through straight after the first wormhole, but the General had been right when deciding the other original SG-1 members should be present.
"Once the M.A.L.P. has gone through the gate and shown us what is on the other side," the General started, and everyone turned to look at him but Smith, who was still dialing the gate, "I will send the seven of you through to retrieve whomever is there."
"Understood, sir." Both Colonels, O'Neill and James, replied and then they glanced at one another. Both were used to being in control and now only one of them could be.
"Chevron two engaged," Smith announced as the second chevron glowed an orange-red colour and then the inner ring began to spin once more. Smith allowed herself a quick glance back at Colonel O'Neill who was standing the furthest distance away from the others as possible. She noted that his hands were jammed far into his pockets, either he was nervous or that was his normal stance. At the moment, Smith would rule neither out.
"What happens if it is not Major Carter on the planet?" Hugh asked and everyone glanced at the original members of SG-1.
"Major Carter would not give up the transmission code," Teal'c said.
"But we have ruled out everyone else. Only Major Carter has the code, but as we have already ascertained Major Carter could not have survived." Hugh replied in the tone that only Jaffa and Tok'ra seemed capable of.
"Chevron three engaged."
"We did work on SG-1 for over three years," Daniel stated, "We may have given our code to other people." Everyone looked at him knowing that he did not believe what he was saying, but at present it was the only logical answer. Major Carter could not be alive, not after seven years and not after being in that cave in. Daniel's excuse was the only thing keeping them sane and not getting their hopes up too high.
"Let's just wait and see," Smith said and James smiled.
"What?" Daniel asked noticing the smile on James' lips.
"She is always the voice of reason, logic and calm," he said and she just glared at him.
"Chevron four engaged," Smith said, trying to ignore yet another one of her Colonel's comments. The tension in the room had tripled in intensity between each announcement of a chevron being engaged and Smith expected it to get increasingly worse before the gate was actually open. Smith continued voicing whenever another chevron was engaged, even though it was obvious just by hearing it. She looked up from the computer and looked at what everyone else was looking at.
"Just in case this is Sam," Daniel started, "shouldn't we have contacted her Dad?"
"I tried to locate the Tok'ra," Hugh said with a hint of regret in his voice. "I could not."
"Don't tell me," O'Neill said sarcastically, "we have to wait until they call us."
"Unfortunately," Hugh replied. The room fell silent as the gate got nearer to its completion of the task.
The seventh chevron, the one at the top of the gate, the one that translated to point of origin, the one that signified Earth, was lit up and the gate's inner ring had come to rest for the last time on this dialing out. With its usual abruptness the vortex whooshed out at them and then settled back.
"Wormhole engaged and stable," the technician sitting at the computer terminal next to Smith announced.
"Send the M.A.L.P. through," the General ordered and Smith nodded. Down in the gate room the M.A.L.P. began its journey up the ramp, slowly but steadily approaching the watery wormhole mouth. As it disappeared through the gate, Smith turned to another terminal and watched the journey the M.A.L.P. was taking across the stars.
"The M.A.L.P. will be at its destination in..." She paused to read the scale, "... Three, two, one." She paused again, shifting her attention from the computer terminal and the television screen above all of their heads, waiting for some video playback from the M.A.L.P. "We are receiving telemetry," she said before focusing all of her attention on the screen above her head.
The black screen cleared to reveal a planet that was like most other planets that the Stargate went to. They saw the usual stone steps leading down from the gate and grass surrounding the gate. They saw some beaten paths leading through the grass and a tree line in the distance.
"It's definitely the right planet," Daniel said, "Can you try moving the M.A.L.P. so that we can see if there's anyone else there?"
"Sure," Smith nodded and began to readjust the M.A.L.P.'s camera. It moved to its right, canvassing the area, until Smith stopped it. "Oh-my-God," she breathed at the sight on the screen. Standing in the clearing was a large group of people, all of them standing in a line looking at the M.A.L.P. as if they had been expecting it, and there, at the end of the line, was Major Carter. The Major's mouth was moving so Smith turned the volume on the M.A.L.P. on.
"Repeat: This is Major Samantha Carter, USAF, to the SGC. Please send through a warning so I know it's safe for me to come home."
O'Neill gasped and stumbled back slightly. Daniel steadied him and helped his friend into a seat. Keeping a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder, Daniel looked back up at the others. All stared in shock at the screen and what the sight meant. James was the first to regain some composure and he reached for the microphone.
"Major Carter, this is Colonel Andrew James of the SGC. The next opening of the gate will be us coming through to retrieve you. Is there anything you'd like us to bring?"
Everyone saw Carter break into a smile on the screen. "There's only one thing you need to bring with you: my friends."
"I think we can do that, Major," James said. "SGC out." He finished and the gate deactivated. Everyone turned to look at Colonel O'Neill who was sitting on a chair still staring at the television screen.
The silence was broken from a voice behind them. "Long time no see." Everyone turned and all recognised one of the people standing in the doorway, the one who had spoken. It was Cassie Fraiser.
"Cass!" Daniel greeted moving closer and hugging the twenty-year-old. "It's been ages."
"My passing out parade to be exact." Cass smiled mischievously as she turned to the others in the room and Daniel moved onto the next person stood in the doorway, Janet Fraiser.
"Janet, it's good to see you."
"You too, Daniel."
Cass stepped further into the room, throwing a quick glance back at Daniel and Janet who were deep in conversation. "Teal'c."
"Cassandra," Teal'c said before the Lieutenant hugged him tightly, much to his surprise.
"We'll talk later," she promised before turning to O'Neill. The smile left her face. "Colonel."
"When did you become Air Force?"
"When did you care?" she snapped bitterly.
Knowing the meeting was a bit too public the General dismissed them all. "SG-1, you leave in twenty. I'm afraid that Lieutenant and Doctor Fraiser will have to remain here," the General said and everyone left the room, bar O'Neill. Daniel got to the door and then turned back to see where O'Neill was. He excused himself from Janet and took a step back into the room.
"Jack, you okay?" Daniel asked, knowing that it was a stupid question and already knowing what the answer was.
"I left her behind, Danny. I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have given up seven years ago. I should have found a way to get there, to get her back. I shouldn't have just presumed her dead and given up. She would never have given up on me."
"Jack, you can't change the past. You can control the future though. You had every reason to believe her dead and she won't hold that against you. She didn't exactly look as if she'd had a hard time there. It's not as if you left her behind and she got caught by the Goa'uld, those people looked nice. They would have taken care of her."
"I still left her, Danny!" O'Neill shouted. "I was her commanding officer and I just left her to die on some planet because I gave up hope, because I had to run away like I run away from everything." He turned to storm off, but Daniel's raised voice stopped him.
"You gonna run away again, now?" Daniel asked and O'Neill stopped in his tracks. "You cannot change the past, Jack, but don't make the same mistakes again." Daniel paused. "Are you coming to get ready?"
O'Neill looked around, avoiding Daniel's eyes. He wanted to stay here and out of harm's way. He did not want to go and see Carter just to have her admit she hated him. But could he really stay here and just wait for her to return? She may not actually want to return, after all, she had spent the past seven years on this planet, she had probably started a new life. He knew how it felt to be left behind on a planet and how easy it could be to just start over, forget all of the past mistakes and begin again afresh, millions of light years from home. He knew how easy it was to find a new home and how quickly one life could be forgotten. If that were true, then why had Carter contacted Earth? O'Neill wondered. What if she did come back and she did hate him? He would not blame her. He could run away again. It would be so simple to just run from the SGC, the Stargate, the life long forgotten, Sam.
He shook his head and looked Daniel straight in the eye. No! He told himself, he was not going to run away from everything again. "Lead the way."
Daniel smiled. "Aye, sir," he joked with a mock salute and walked out, O'Neill close behind him.
O'Neill shook his head again, this time to dislodge any second thoughts that might show themselves, and he ran his hands through his mostly-grey hair. He did not like feeling like this, feeling like he was not in control, feeling like the simplest little word from Carter could make, or break, him.
~*~*~*~
Katie Smith found herself breathing deeply and smiling as the gate activated right in front of them. She moved her gun to a more comfortable position and glanced up at James, his face blue from the wormhole's event horizon. He was looking at the gate, seemingly lost in its brilliance and Smith's smile widened. This was what she loved about her life: her job. The fact that daily she got to travel to other worlds, to see things that most other people could only dream of and that she got to see it all with James by her side. She had never admitted it to herself, let alone anyone else, but she still had feelings for him and they ran deep. She guessed it was because of the original SG-1's appearance that she herself realised it. O'Neill had forced her to see what she truly felt. His meaningful talk that must have hurt him a lot to say; the words that basically told Smith not to let James slip away. It was not that simple though, was it?
Colonel Andrew James had always had a very good peripheral vision, which was why he could see that Smith was looking at him although he was looking directly at the gate. At first, back three years ago, the idea of her standing there and looking at him would have worried him, but now they did not. He could not explain it, but recently something had changed. Sure, he was going through his divorce, but that had not changed much - a relationship between them would still be against regulations. And then he realised what it was that had changed. Him. He had changed. It had started with the return of the original SG-1. James had not spent much time with the other Colonel, but it was obvious to everyone that O'Neill missed Carter and that he was in love with her. James guessed that it was now obvious to O'Neill, too, but that had not always been the case. James surmised that O'Neill had used regulations to hide behind, but then he realised what she meant to him. Of course he only faced up to his feelings when it was too late and she was already gone, ripped from him forever. Until now.
James turned and looked at Smith and she immediately looked down. James could not help but smile at this. Even after all they had been through as officers, friends and lovers she still avoided eye contact. Probably because she knew that he could read her eyes easier than a book for a child - you know the kind with only three words per page. It was that thought of O'Neill and his years of suffering that had changed what James felt or, more likely, what he knew. It was the thought of losing Smith the way O'Neill had lost Carter that scared James more than any Goa'uld threat could.
"You think O'Neill will show?" Smith asked, breaking James' trail of thought.
"Why wouldn't he?"
"Fear." He looked at her questioningly, "Fear of the unknown."
"O'Neill doesn't seem the type to be afraid of the unknown."
"Why did he run away then? Why, when Carter was thought dead, did he run?" She paused before answering her own question. "Simply because he was afraid. Afraid of a new life without her, a life that she would never be a part of again. And now he's afraid again. This time it's that she won't forgive him, or that she'll hate for him abandoning her. He's afraid of what seeing her will do to him. That his life is going to change again and he doesn't know how it will change." She turned away from him abruptly and he returned his gaze to the Stargate, both embarrassed.
"Will she?" James asked after a long silent moment.
"Will she what?" Smith asked, a confused look on her face as she looked at him again.
He looked back at her, their eyes locking together. "Will she forgive him? Will she hate him for abandoning her there, for giving up without a fight? Or will she forgive him for everything he's done to her and I mean going back before the accident, from when they first met? Can she forgive him for the biggest mistake of all? The mistake of not telling her how he felt."
Smith swallowed her mouth suddenly dry as she saw something different in James' eye. Something that said he needed to know the answer, not to the physical questions that he had asked, but to the silent one that only they could hear. "Of course she can. That's what love does - forgives people."
"She loves him too then, does she?"
"She did, just as he did a long time ago."
"What about now?"
"Love like that doesn't die. But there's the problem. He never moved on. The guilt prevented it, but her... She started a new life she might have found a new love."
"Love like that can't be replaced. She may have found someone else, but when she sees him, her love for him will return. Trust me on that one."
~*~*~*~
O'Neill knew that he was on a deadline but he had to see Cassie. She had every right to hate him, but he had to try and make it right. Today was the day that everything changed. He had found Sam again. That, along with reclaiming his own lost life, demanded that he talk to Cassie, to try and explain what went wrong. He found Cassie in her own quarters. The door was open, but he knocked anyway.
She turned and saw him. "I know you haven't been here for a while," Cassie said, "but this isn't the embarkation room."
"Cass, please. We need to talk." O'Neill pleaded.
"About what?" She asked sounding upset as he saw tears form in her eyes. "About how you abandoned us all seven years ago? How about how you abandoned me? Did you ever think about me through everything? You might have been there, you might have loved her, but she was like my Mom. I mean no disrespect to Janet, but Sam and I... You don't know the pain I felt when she was thought to be dead," she paused, "And then you abandon me and I lose two of the people I love most in the world in a short space of time."
"Cassie, I had to go. I admit that it was cowardly, but I had to go. You don't understand."
Cassie closed her eyes to banish away the tears and when she looked at him the hatred had returned to replace the sadness. "Of course I don't understand because you never told me. You never tried to get help or to help us. You never once gave this place a second thought, did you?" He remained silent and it simply fuelled her anger. "Did you?" she shouted.
"Of course I did," he whispered.
"Do you even know what happened to me in the past seven years? How about Mom, Daniel? Or how about Simmons and General Hammond? Do you know what happened to General Hammond?" she sobbed. "Do you know how he died protecting this base from an intruder? He died to protect this base and everyone in it and you never had the decency to ask about any of us."
O'Neill looked up at her and their eyes met. The tears, regret and sadness obvious in his eyes, while sadness and anger were present in hers. "I can't undo what I did. I have no excuse. It's just that... I left her. I would have died along with her if she hadn't saved me. I couldn't live with that. I couldn't face any of you knowing that of all the people she had to die because of it was for me. I could have worked harder to rescue her. I didn't have to give up as quickly as I did. I couldn't come home and see you all, people that she loved so much, and know that she died because of me. She loved and was loved by so many that I paled in comparison. It should have been me that died that day."
"Jack," Cassie said, stepping closer to the man who was nearly in tears, "she loved you more than anyone else. She would have done anything to let you live. You shouldn't have blamed yourself. None of us did and she wouldn't have wanted that." She paused as he looked up and saw a smile of forgiveness on her face. She pulled her old friend into a hug that seemed to infuse more strength into him. "Now, if you'd have come home, if you'd have seen me seven years ago I would have told you that and I could have prevented some of the heartache both of us suffered."
"Too late now," O'Neill said bitterly.
Cassie glanced at her watch as she pulled away from O'Neill. "It's not too late for you to go get her though."
O'Neill smiled. "I'll see in a while."
"Bring her back to me this time, Jack. Bring her back to all of us."
O'Neill nodded before leaving the room. This time he would.
~*~*~*~
Before Smith could reply to James' comment the doors opened and in walked O'Neill, Jackson and Teal'c. All three were back in military fatigues. The style of uniform had changed slightly since the last time they had worn them, but all three seemed comfortable in them - as if they had come home. Teal'c was carrying his staff weapon, one of the rapidly increasing number kept in storage on the base. Not that they thought there could be trouble on the other side of the gate, after all Carter had survived there for seven years, but SG-1 were always prepared for any situation.
Daniel was carrying only the standard issue backpack and one M9 sidearm holstered firmly to his upper thigh. The sidearm, in all likelihood, would remain there all the time. Daniel had been a civilian seven years ago and he still was. He would rather solve a situation diplomatically as opposed to with violence.
O'Neill was another matter. He would not hesitate to use violence if it were called for, hence the reason why he not only had a couple of M9 side-arms, but also had an H and K MP 10 rifle and plenty of ammunition in his pack. O'Neill had retired and so was not officially an officer with complete access to everything, but he had special privileges due to his long career. He looked up at the gate as the seventh chevron locked and the blue matter stream extended out before settling back within the ring. A look of nervous anticipation flittered across his face. It was a look he got every time that the gate activated. It came from the thought of what lay beyond the wormhole, what new adventure awaited him and even after all of this time he still got that same feeling. He still had the same butterflies in his stomach. He thought it was slightly silly to be this nervous at the anticipation of what was to come. He then reminded himself that this was no usual journey, that this was no standard mission. On the contrary this was the mission to end all missions. He had thought that his last mission as SG-1 commander was his last trip. The hurt and regret of losing Carter had prevented him from ever stepping within the SGC ever again. This mission would be the big one though, the final one, the one that would reunite SG-1 and change everything.
O'Neill knew that the past seven years could not be erased, in a way he did not want the ability to erase them. Without the past seven years he would never have realised the extent of his feelings for his second in command, but he would never wish the past seven years worth of heartache on anyone, not even his worst enemy except perhaps Apophis. It was the classical make or break situation. This trip through the gate would either break his rapidly fragmenting life or help a few pieces to bond back together.
"Let's move out." Colonel Andrew James' voice broke through O'Neill's thoughts as he re-focused his eyes on the gate in front of him.
James was the first through the gate, followed closely by the others. Daniel stepped up to the event horizon and glanced back at O'Neill.
"Jack?" Daniel asked, worried that his friend may be having second thoughts.
"I'll be right with you, Danny." O'Neill murmured as he smiled to reassure Daniel.
Daniel nodded before disappearing through the shimmering blueness of the wormhole's mouth. Smith was the only one still there and she was stood looking up at the gate, seemingly deeper in her thoughts than O'Neill had been. As O'Neill walked over to the ramp he came to stand next to the younger woman.
"Why are you so apprehensive about this mission then?" O'Neill asked. "I mean I have a reason to, I have something at stake. In fact, I have everything at stake." he amended.
"Maybe I do." She did not need to look at him to know that he wanted more information. "Maybe it's some sort of omen. You know about the curse and everything. What if whatever happens on the other side of that gate dictates what will happen to me?"
"I'm not good with feelings and stuff, and I mean I've royally mucked up my life more than once. So, if I have one piece of advice to give you, one thing that I wish I'd stuck by throughout everything that went wrong, it'd be: Don't wait to see what happens, don't wait for fate to deliver your next move make it yourself."
She looked up at him. Her eyes showing how grateful she was for his words. She could sense his sudden embarrassment so she attempted to lighten the mood. "The whole your destiny is your own thing, eh? Well, I've got news for you Colonel, it's not that original."
"I never was original." Both paused and looked at the gate once more before looking back at each other. "Ready to have our fate revealed?"
"Do I have a choice?" She grinned as they made their way up the slope together.
~*~*~*~
Clarissa Adams was the first to exit the gate on the planet designated P9R 473, with Colonel James close behind her. They both stood there looking at the gate, waiting for the others to exit, when they heard a loud, joyful, shout from behind them. They turned their backs to the gate and saw a large crowd of people stood there.
"Welcome to Mabidon," they all chorused and James could not resist grinning widely in reply. The fact that most missions through the Stargate resulted in meeting alien hostiles made him especially pleased when they met people this happy.
"Greetings from Earth."
"This is fascinating," Adams murmured at the attire of the large group.
James nodded his permission for her to move off and learn about this new culture while he turned to the person who appeared to be a leader of some sort. "I'm Colonel James and I'm looking for someone by the name of Major Samantha Carter. Do you know where she is?"
"I'm here." James turned to see the blonde from the earlier video stood nearer the gate, obviously anticipating the arrival of others.
"Major Carter, I presume."
"No, that's why I answered your question."
James' eyebrows raised. She had the art of sarcasm down to a 'T'. "I'm Colonel..."
She cut him off. "Yeah, I heard." She was obviously waiting for three certain people to come though the gate and no one else mattered.
Someone emerged from the gate and the Major smiled. "Teal'c!" She greeted the large man with a hug. He seemed momentarily confused as if under normal circumstances she would never have embraced him in that manner.
"It is good to see you, Major Carter," Teal'c said, his facial expression and tone softening for the first time since James had met him.
"You too, Teal'c. You wouldn't believe how much I've missed you," Carter said and James could hear the tears in her voice.
During their exchange, another had emerged from the gate. It was Hugh.. Soon after him came Daniel. Carter ran forward at the sight of her best friend and wrapped herself around him tightly. He did not notice the incredible pressure being applied to his rib cage, he merely squeezed her just as tight.
"Oh God! Sam, we thought you were dead," Daniel said, his voice shaking from the emotion of the moment.
"I'm not," she understated, but she did not care. All she cared about was that she was in her best friend's arms and that soon she could go home. What was left of her home she wasn't sure, but that thought had kept her alive for the past seven years. She pulled back from him slightly so that she could see his face. "You're so different." She wept, tears running freely down her face.
"You too," was all he could say. He was still shell-shocked from actually being in her arms. He was convinced that he would awaken soon, with only a bittersweet memory of Sam.
"Daniel, where's Jack?" Carter asked with a child-like innocence.
Daniel paused before answering. He could see the look of fear in her eyes. Fear that Jack would not be coming and that he never would come back to her. He could also see the look of love in her eyes. Love for that arrogant, cynical, sarcastic older man that she had felt from day one just never realised. Daniel could not help but let a small smile form on his lips. Neither Jack nor Sam had anything to worry about. "He's..."
Carter suddenly pulled away from Daniel as two people began to exit the gate. Daniel stepped back and pulled James with him slightly to give Carter room as her face lit up with hope. Daniel found himself feeling immensely happy. His best friend was safe and alive and about to become happy herself.
Carter watched, as it seemed to take ages for the person to exit the gate. She was breathing faster now, and her heart was beating at double time. She felt like a nervous teenager about to go on her first date with the crush of the century. She clasped her hands together to keep them from shaking. The first person that she focused on was a woman who was immediately dragged off to one side by James. And then the other person materialised, with the gate destabilising just moments later.
~*~*~*~
O'Neill emerged from the gate with the usual tingling sensation that had once been described to him as the feelings left behind by the hundreds of stars that they had passed by. He liked the metaphor. As he kept his balance and looked up, he was peripherally aware of the gate disengaging. He did not care about the gate behind him, or the hundreds of people in front of him. He could not see any of them or hear anything. All he could see was her. In front of him stood Sam. Radiating beauty like a goddess. It was a cliché, and he was not big on clichés, but it was true. To him she always had been and always would be a goddess. She was wearing simple clothes, but anything on her looked good, even rags could appear to be a jewelled gown fit only for royalty.
Both stood there for what seemed like a lifetime just staring at one another. Both wearing expressions of relief, joy and fear, not forgetting the most important: love. It was clear in both their eyes, but whether the other could see it was another matter.
After the long, stationary moment they moved to embrace one another. It was unclear as to who moved first or if there was no first person. As he held her tightly he closed his eyes and he held her that bit tighter as if she could vanish from his grip. She held him just as tight and he could feel her shaking against him. He was pretty sure she was not crying, but it was such a huge relief for both of them to be in this position.
Eventually O'Neill managed to speak. "I thought you were dead, Sam," he whispered. "I didn't want to leave you behind, but the gate wouldn't work. I'm so sorry. What happened?" he asked, neither of them pulling back.
Carter moved her cheek a little so that she could speak without her words sounding muffled against his shoulder. "I sat in the cave for days, just waiting for you guys to come back. I knew you would and that you wouldn't just leave me there. You'd keep searching even if it were to bring a dead body back."
"The gate was broken, we couldn't get back. We tried, Sam, I tried. I never forgave myself for leaving you."
"You did the right thing," she assured him. "There was no point in more deaths. After, I don't know how long, I awoke in some hut. The people explained to me how they had rescued me from the cave. I asked if my friends were here or if I could go home and they said that neither was possible. See, they'd broken the gate," she began to sob a bit harder now and O'Neill held her more tightly. "They thought that we'd come through to destroy them so after you three had gone they had broken the gate."
"Thank you," O'Neill whispered.
"For what?" Carter asked, intrigue masking her voice.
"I spent the past seven years blaming myself for what happened. I guess that's why I was so scared to come back here. In case you gave me reason to hate myself further."
"Jack, no. It wasn't your fault, none of it was," she comforted as she moved her hand on his back. "It took me years to gain their trust, but I did and they let me begin work to try and fix the gate. I don't know what they did, but it took me ages to fix. Once it was I dialed up Earth and waited."
"I missed you so much," O'Neill whispered. His voice cracked from the emotion as he broke down and tears began to roll down his cheek.
"I missed you, too." Carter replied as she too lost the battle with yet more tears. "It was all that kept me going," she said before continuing to explain herself. "It was this moment, the thought of seeing you again. It was just wishful thinking, but that's all I wanted. For seven years, every night I dreamt of this moment and then as the time got closer I began to fear that you wouldn't come and that I'd spend the rest of my life looking for you, an eternity without you." She sobbed.
He pulled back to look her in the face, but she kept her face turned to the ground. He kept one hand around her waist and used the other to bring her chin up, so he could look in her eyes. "I'm here, Sam, and I always will be. I will never let you go." He whispered his promise to her and she smiled.
As O'Neill and Carter kissed, the others turned away from them. Daniel walked over to join Adams and Loch who were busy making friends with the local population. Teal'c and Hugh had already walked off into the distance to keep an eye out for any possible trouble. There was no way that this mission would not have a happy ending. Smith and James turned, smiled at each other, and began to head down to the large group of people. Smith glanced up at James as they stepped down the stairs leading from the gate.
"Don't say it, sir," Smith said, knowing exactly what was on her commanding officer's mind. She had to talk to him, to anyone, to keep her mind from wandering onto the subject of fate. She knew that she should take O'Neill's advice and make her own fate, but there was too much to lose, too much at stake. She would be another of the millions that let fate control her.
"Say what?" he asked with a smile on his face as he looked down at his junior officer. He could not explain it, but he loved it when they were on a mission together. He loved to see her doing what she loved to do.. He was not sure why, but he also liked her uniform. He forced himself to focus on the conversation and not the one he was having the conversation with. He could not go there again. He and Katie were in the past and things buried in the past should remain there. He knew that, but then how come O'Neill and Carter had managed to dig up their past?
"Don't even think it."
"Think what?" James asked, knowing what she was talking about, but wanting to bait her a bit more.
"That cynical, bitter comment that you're just dying to say - don't." She could not resist a smile.
He smiled, too. "Would I?" He feigned innocence.
"Yes. Just leave the moment as it is."
"That an order?"
She looked up at him, both smiling. "Yes." She joked as they came to a stop in front of the large crowd. As they began to talk to the population of this planet, Smith stole one last glance up at O'Neill and Carter. They were now stood holding each other and talking. Smith smiled as the other two also smiled at something she herself could not hear from this distance. As she returned her gaze to the task at hand, her eyes met James'. He had been doing the same thing, looking at Carter and O'Neill. They shared an intense gaze, before a girl began talking to Smith.
Suddenly, Smith no longer worried what fate would bring her and she no longer cared if any of the infamous SG-1 curses came true. She thought it an honour and an adventure if she were to repeat what happened to the original SG-1.
~*~*~*~
The End
Story Notes: e-mail: elisemarie@cwcom.net
Spoilers: 100 Days, Fire and Water, First Commandment, Broca divide, Jolinar's Memories, The Devil you know - all only minor though.
Season/sequel: Kinda set in/after season three, with one flashback set in season one (during Fire and Water).
Content Warnings: Character death - sort of, one swear word.
Archive: Sam and Jack, Heliopolis.
Dedicated: To Nikki, for listening to me as I rambled on about this plot. Also to Wendy P., Nikki again, Purple for help with a character and pointing out some plot stuff, and to Fred for helping with the Fire and Water flashback. Although, I started this so long ago no one will remember it! And, of course, to Alliana for beta-ing. I have *finally* got this out!
Comments: Thanks to everyone who helped me with this story from everyone trying to come up with some dialogue to Wendy who helped out with the plot. *Big* Thanks! And feedback is welcomed. This story started when I decided Solitudes was missing something when Sam left Jack, so I began to write this. Then I watched Fire and Water and decided that something was missing from that too and this story just escalated from there. There are two flashbacks: one to season one and one to season 4. Enjoy!
Copyright © Elise Hudson June 2000
Spoilers: 100 Days, Fire and Water, First Commandment, Broca divide, Jolinar's Memories, The Devil you know - all only minor though.
Season/sequel: Kinda set in/after season three, with one flashback set in season one (during Fire and Water).
Content Warnings: Character death - sort of, one swear word.
Archive: Sam and Jack, Heliopolis.
Dedicated: To Nikki, for listening to me as I rambled on about this plot. Also to Wendy P., Nikki again, Purple for help with a character and pointing out some plot stuff, and to Fred for helping with the Fire and Water flashback. Although, I started this so long ago no one will remember it! And, of course, to Alliana for beta-ing. I have *finally* got this out!
Comments: Thanks to everyone who helped me with this story from everyone trying to come up with some dialogue to Wendy who helped out with the plot. *Big* Thanks! And feedback is welcomed. This story started when I decided Solitudes was missing something when Sam left Jack, so I began to write this. Then I watched Fire and Water and decided that something was missing from that too and this story just escalated from there. There are two flashbacks: one to season one and one to season 4. Enjoy!
Copyright © Elise Hudson June 2000
End Notes: All feedback is welcome and I would like to add an extra note of thanks to Terri who didn't help with the writing of this, but she did help with encouraging me to post something after a few months away. Hopefully my next fic won't be that long in coming!
Also, I know that this plot was kinda predictable, but it was more about their feelings. Complain if you like
Also, I know that this plot was kinda predictable, but it was more about their feelings. Complain if you like
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]