“Hello, and welcome to this special edition of ‘The Weakest Link’. Today we have joining us from America personnel from the US Airforce. Welcome to you all, please introduce yourself to our audience.” “Hi, my name is Daniel, I’m an archaeologist and I’m from Colorado.” “Hello there, my name is Jack O’Neill, and I’m a colonel in the US Airforce and I work in Cheyenne Mountain, Colorado” “Hi. My name is Sam Carter, I’m a major in the US Airforce, I specialise in theoretical astrophysics and I’m also from Colorado.” “Greetings. My name is Teal’c, and I serve alongside Daniel Jackson, Major Carter and Colonel O’Neill protecting this world.” “Hi, I’m Harry Maybourne, I’m also a colonel in the US airforce, but I’m way smarter than Jack - that’s why I work at Area 51.” “Hello. I’m Jenny Haley, and I know more than anyone else here, especially Major Carter, so you might as well just give me the money now.” “Hi, my name is Joe, and although I have nothing to do with the US Airforce I thought I’d try to do this so Sam would marry me if I win.” “OK team. In the first round you will have 3 minutes to answer as many questions as possible. We’ll start with the player whose name is first alphabetically, that’s Daniel. Let’s play ‘The Weakest Link’! Daniel, which ancient culture’s mythology features the goddess Hathor?” “Egyptian.” “Correct. Jack, which constellation is named after the scales sign of the zodiac?” “Libra.” “Correct. Sam, in Astrophysics, who invented three laws about the heliocentric universe that later helped Galileo prove his theories?” “Kepler.” “Correct. Teal’c, complete the saying. Wild horses-“ “Could not keep me away.” “Correct. Harry-“ “Bank.” “-Who is the head of the US Airforce?” “Oh, I know this one… it’s …erm… Elvis?” “Incorrect, the answer is General Ryan. Jenny, name two of the Teletubbies.” “Oh, right, yes, erm, Lala and… Mo?” “Incorrect, the four are Tinkywinky, Dispy, Lala and Po. Joe, what is two plus two?” “Erm, five?” “That is incorrect! The answer is four. Daniel - Time is up, I am unable to complete the question. In that round, team, you scored a pathetic £200 no thanks to you three, Harry, Jenny and Joe. So who is holding you back? Vote now! So, let’s see who you think is the weakest link.” “Joe.” “Joe.” “Joe.” “Joe.” “Jack.” “Sam.” “Jack.” “OK. Jenny, why Sam?” “I’m just cleverer than she is.” “Didn’t she get her question correct, whereas you got yours wrong?” “So?” “OK… Harry, why Jack?” “I’m a better Colonel than he is.” “Great team tactics there I see. Joe, why Jack?” “Well, Sam should like me better, and she won’t until I get rid of him, so he has to go I’m afraid.” “OK, Joe, I think you’re on the wrong show. Anyway, Joe, with four votes you are the weakest link, goodbye.” “I don’t think I should have been voted off, I mean, I’m much better than Jack, let me back at him, I’ll teach him who’s best, let me at him!…” “OK team. You are one mindless moron less, we’re taking 10 seconds off your time, let’s see if you can’t do any better in this round. We’ll start off with the alphabetically first strongest link from the last round, that’s Daniel. Let’s play, ‘The Weakest Link’! Daniel, which day of the week is named after a Norse goddess?” “Friday.” “Correct. Jack, to which part of the body does the word ‘pulmonary’ refer?” “Heart.” “Correct. Sam, NH3 is the chemical formula for which gas?” “Ammonia.” “Correct. Teal’c, who hosts the ITV game show, ‘Blind Date’?” “Cilla Black.” “Correct. Harry-” “Bank.” “-According to the famous Strauss waltz, what colour is the Danube?” “Erm, a greyish green?” “Incorrect, the answer is blue. Jenny, before his fall, what was Humpty Dumpty sitting on?” “Erm, a faulty chair?” “Incorrect, the answer is a wall. Daniel, what- I’m sorry, time is up, I am unable to complete the question. In that round, team, you have scored a pathetic £200 once again. So who needs to go? Vote now! Right, let’s see your votes.” “Jenny.” “Jenny.” “Jenny.” “Jenny.” “Jack.” “Sam.” “OK. Harry, why Jack?” “I’m still better than he is.” “Even though he has two correct answers so far and you have none?” “I was unlucky with the questions!” “Quite. Jenny, dare I ask why Sam?” “I’m smarter than she is.” “Well, Jenny, that appears to be yet another wrong answer. You are the weakest link, goodbye.” “They only voted me off because they like her better. I’m gonna go break someone’s nose and be a know-it-all some more.” “Right, team. You’ve ridden yourself of another idiot, we’re taking another 10 seconds off the clock, let’s see if you can’t do any better this time. We’ll start with the strongest link from the last round that’s alphabetically first, that’s Daniel again. Let’s play, ‘The Weakest Link’! Daniel, the river Rhine flows into which sea?” “North Sea.” “Correct. Jack, what was the name of Captain Kirk’s pointy eared science officer?” “Spock.” “Correct. Sam, who wrote the musical ‘Whistle Down the Wind’?” “Andrew Lloyd Webber.” “Correct. Teal’c, who said ‘let them eat cake’?” “Marie Antoinette.” “Correct. Harry-” “Bank.” “-How many books are there in a trilogy?” “Erm, six?” “Incorrect, the answer is three. Daniel, which- I’m sorry, time is up, I am unable to complete the question. Well, team, in that round once again you’ve gained another £200 for the kitty, bringing the prize total so far to £600 from a possible £3000. So, who do you think is the weakest link?” I know who I’d pick… Anyway, vote now! OK, let’s see who you think is the weakest link.” “Harry.” “Harry. “Harry.” “Harry.” “Jack.” “OK. Well, that’s pretty unanimous. I’m not going to ask why you wanted him gone, and Harry, I’m not going to ask why you picked Jack. You are obviously the weakest link, goodbye. Right team, let’s see if you can do any better now that you’ve got rid of those three. We’ll take another 10 second off the clock, and start with Daniel again. Let’s play, ‘The Weakest Link!”
“Right, team. In that last next round you have won another quite credible £1500. This brings your total prize money now to £3600. In the next round, you will be able to triple your winnings, but I don’t see that it matters who you get rid of, since none of you have answered a question wrong yet. OK, so who’s going to go? So, let’s see how you all sorted that one, let’s see your votes.” “Jack.” “Sam.” “Daniel.” “OK. This is a problem. Usually when this happens the strongest link gets to choose who goes, but since you have all answered all your questions correctly we’ll just have to keep you all in the game. So, erm, nobody is the weakest link, and, erm, that’s it. So, erm, we’ll start with Daniel again and play ‘The Weakest Link’!” < The round goes by. Everyone answers correctly. > “Well, that’s another £1500, which we’ll triple to £4500 and add it to your prize money so far, so one of you will be going home with £8100, although how we’re going to choose which one I don’t know. Anyway, we’ll ask some more questions, because we have to, and then we’ll worry about it. Let’s play, ‘The Weakest Link’!”
“OK, well, this is stupid. Let’s go to the tie-breaker round then-“ “Erm, excuse me, Anne? What about if we just split the money and go home?” “Sounds good to me. So, Sam, Jack and Daniel all won, and they go back to the USA with £8100 to share between them. You’ve been watching ‘The Weakest Link’, goodbye.” “So.” “So.” “So.” “She was a bit mean, wasn’t she?” “Don’t knock it, sir, we’re £8100 better off now.” “Yeah, Jack. We are gonna split it four ways, right?” “Yup. But you know what?” “We still haven’t settled who is the smartest.”
So.... what did you think? Let me know, please....
luv Sarah.
Story Notes: Spoilers: None really, just harmless ramble. A couple of characters mentioned from season four, but out of context.
Season/Sequel info: Set anywhere, it doesn’t really matter, although previous knowledge of some of the characters involved would mean you got more of the attempted jokes.
Author Comment: Note from the not-so-genius! Well, well, well. Three holes in the ground, yes, I know. This is my first attempt at writing something as stupid as this, usually I have stories with angst, plot and sap, but something just struck me like lightning to write this one. I don’t know if it’s funny or not, because you never can laugh at your own jokes, so pleas let me know what you think. I do like feedback, when I get messages telling me I'm wonderful (or not!) it seems to help me write better. Still, happy reading, hope you enjoy it!
Season/Sequel info: Set anywhere, it doesn’t really matter, although previous knowledge of some of the characters involved would mean you got more of the attempted jokes.
Author Comment: Note from the not-so-genius! Well, well, well. Three holes in the ground, yes, I know. This is my first attempt at writing something as stupid as this, usually I have stories with angst, plot and sap, but something just struck me like lightning to write this one. I don’t know if it’s funny or not, because you never can laugh at your own jokes, so pleas let me know what you think. I do like feedback, when I get messages telling me I'm wonderful (or not!) it seems to help me write better. Still, happy reading, hope you enjoy it!
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]