"I haven't said yes."
The words were barely out of Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter's mouth before her superior officer, Gen. Jack O'Neill (with two "l's"), said "And yet – you haven't said no."
His statement was tinged with bitterness and regret.
The discussion over Sam's possible engagement to Pete Shanahan was more painful that Jack would have liked. Since the Zay'tarc incident several years ago, they had settled back into the comfortable rhythm of their former working relationship. He had thought that he could accept Sam being with another man. That was - until another man actually threatened Jack's relationship with her.
" I told him I needed to think about it."
"And?" Jack placed the box holding the engagement ring on the desk.
"That was two weeks ago."
"Ah!" Jack couldn't help feeling slightly hopeful about the delay. If she really wanted to be with this guy, she would have said yes already. There was still a chance...
"Y'know, all these years I've been concentrating on work – I just assumed that one day I would ..."
"Have a life?" Jack said jokingly.
"Yeah! And now it comes down to it, I don't know. I mean, every time we go through the Gate, we risk not coming back. Is it fair to put somebody else through that?"
Jack decided for Sam's sake to play devil's advocate. She deserved to be happy even if it was with some other guy. " Pete is a cop – I think he could handle it."
Sam offered up another excuse. "What about kids?"
Jack countered, " What about `em?"
" Do I take maternity leave and then come back? What, do I drop the baby off at daycare on my way to some unexplored planet on the edge of the Crab Nebula?"
"Carter, there are people on this base who have families," he said.
Sam took a long look at the man who had occupied a large portion of her heart for the last eight years. "What about you? If things had been different ..."
Jack looked at her.
" I wouldn't be here," he said wistfully and walked out the door.
•••
" I wouldn't be here."
Sam Carter was confused. "What the hell does that mean?" she thought to herself.
She knew what she wanted it to mean -– that if things had been different he wouldn't have had to sit there and listen to her debate getting engaged to another man, that they would be together. But Jack was so hard to read. He could have meant anything by it. She wasn't even sure if he felt the same as he had during the Zay'tarc testing, almost four years ago. There had been some intimate moments but t nothing to indicate that he wanted more from her.
Sam closed her laptop in frustration.
Ever since Pete had popped the question, Sam's emotions had been a mess. It didn't interfere in her work - nothing did that, but everything was all mixed up now. That's why when Jack stopped by the lab, she unloaded on him.
And of course he had played the role of friend and CO, instead of telling her how he really felt, except maybe at the end.
Sam had to make a decision. Marry a kind, reliable man who could give her a normal life or take a chance on the one man she had always loved, who knew her better than anyone else.
With a sinking heart but determined mind, Sam picked up the phone and dialed Pete's phone number.
•••
Sam's engagement shocked everyone.
Daniel and Teal'C rallied though, both warmly congratulating her while Jack, well, Jack patted her on the back and told her that he was glad that she was finally "getting a life."
She couldn't help feeling a little let down by his lackluster response. Some part of Sam had hoped that he would fight for her. It wasn't logical or fair but still...
After Sam's announcement, Jack immediately went to his office. He closed the door behind him and leaned against it.
Jack let the despair wash though him for several minutes. And then like any good military man, he came up with a plan.
He was going to seduce Samantha Carter.
•••
Sam gracefully exited her car and walked quickly to the General's front door.
She had no idea why he had invited her over but she was anxious to find out. All day long she had had butterflies in her stomach. Sam felt like a schoolgirl. Funny how Pete never made her feel like this. Hastily, she dismissed that thought from her mind. It was disloyal to think that way about her future husband. He wasn't even in town to defend himself. He'd had to back to Denver to testify in a case and would return to Colorado Springs tomorrow morning.
It only took two knocks before Jack opened the door. He had a towel slung over his shoulder and a spatula in his left hand.
"Come on in, Sam.," he said as he led her into the kitchen. "Take a load off. I've got beer or wine so take your pick.."
Jack was nervous. It was a big risk he was taking but he couldn't lose her to Pete without putting up a fight first. He was willing to fight dirty too. Engaged wasn't married. It was a period of waiting to make sure you were with the right person. Sam definitely was not with the right man. He intended to prove that to her tonight.
Sam stepped inside, amazed at the candles burning and soft music playing throughout the house.
It was a little unsettling, considering everything. She decided to confront the issue head on and turned to face him. "Sir, I don't think that this is a good a idea."
"Relax Sam. It's just two friends sharing a meal. We won't do anything that you don't want to."
"That's the problem," she thought. "I want to do a lot of things with Jack that I shouldn't." She decided to just let the chips fall where they may. This was a test of her commitment to Pete and she needed to be 100% sure that she could be his wife. What if Jack was the one and she just let him slip through her fingers? It wasn't a question she could leave unanswered.
"Well then, what's for dinner?" she asked.
"I've got some steaks on the grill and I'm sauteing some veggies. Sound good?"
"Yeah sure, you betcha," she teased.
The tension between them eased and they laughed, each taking a sip of the wine Jack had poured.
Once the food was ready, Sam and Jack sat down to eat. They laughed about past missions and Jack's difficulty adjusting to his new position. The words flowed free and easy, just as Jack had hoped.
When the meal was over, they headed into the living room. Jack poured Sam another glass of wine.
As she drank, she flirted a little, "Trying to ply me with liquor, so you can have your wicked way with me Jack?"
"A man's gotta do what man's gotta do." He swigged his eyebrows and then took the glass.
"Dance with me."
Sam realized that things were getting out of hand but she couldn't stop.
He repeated, " Dance with me, " in a lower, softer tone.
She couldn't resist. She placed her hand in his and put the other around his shoulder. He closed the rest of the distance until there was nothing between them but their clothes. Sam could hear his heart beating as they swayed to Norah Jones' "Come Away with Me." She shut her eyes and laid her head on his chest. Jack sighed and tightened his hold on her. Their feet were barely moving but neither of them cared. The simple act of being close to each other was enough.
Sam lifted her head and smiled sadly at him. "How did you know?" she asked.
"How did I know what?" he murmured, threading his hands through her hair.
"That I would say yes to your invitation ?"
He looked her straight in the eye. "I didn't know, Sam. I just hoped. It was something I needed to do. I could lose you forever and I can't handle that."
"You're not ever going to lose me Jack."
Desire kicked Jack in the gut. Gently taking her face in his hands, he found her mouth with his thumbs, traced the softness of her lips with his fingers.
Overwhelmed, she slid her arms around his shoulders, her own fingers caressing the nape of his neck. She drew his head down to hers.
He pulled away and whispered "Are you sure?"
She looked at him and said quietly "More sure than I've ever been of anything."
"We'll make it a night to remember then," he said and laid her on the couch.
•••
When Sam awoke the next morning in Jack's bed, he was sitting up on his elbow staring down at her with a sly grin on his face.
"Morning Sam. Would you like eggs and bacon or Cheerios," he asked cheerfully.
The full weight of what had happened last night began to sink in. She had betrayed Pete - the man who wanted to love, honor and cherish her. He didn't deserve that. Sam was disgusted with herself.
"Neither. I think I had better get going." Sam hurriedly gathered her clothes and got dressed in the bathroom.
Jack ignored his urge to barrel into the bathroom and find out what in hell was going on. They had just shared an intimate and earth-shattering night together and she was acting like he was some random guy she had met in a bar.
When she finally emerged, fully dressed and fully in control, Jack said, "Don't do this. Don't pretend that last night didn't happen. Give us a chance. We can make this work."
"This," she said, gesturing to the both of them, "is going to get us court-martialed and me un-engaged. Heaven only knows what other consequences there could be. We need to take some time to figure things out."
Sam's heart was breaking but she had to be strong. She was engaged to Pete although she knew now that it was wrong of her to ever believe that she could love another man besides Jack. Her moral code demanded that she do something about that before she and Jack went any further.
Anger and hurt coursed through Jack. He knew exactly what time meant. Time for Sam to smooth things out with Pete and get her defenses up. "Fine. If you want to throw away everything we have, or should I say had, then go ahead. I won't wait for you."
"Jack, please listen..."
He couldn't handle any more of her rejection. He had gone out on a limb and she basically was cutting it off. The feeling was about on par with being tortured by Baal. Now he just wanted to hurt her as much as she was hurting him. "Just go Carter. Last night was fun but that's all it was. I needed to get you out of my system. It was an itch to scratch."
"Jack, you don't understand."
"I understand enough. Get out." Jack turned hi s back to her.
With one last look, Sam walked away, closing the door behind her.
•••
She immediately called Pete and asked him to meet her at her house.
Four hours later, her engagement was over. Pete took it as well as could be expected. Sam didn't tell him about sleeping with Jack - that would only serve to assuage her guilt. She told him all of her other doubts and fears though. Pete tried to persuade her that they could work through it but Sam was firm. She tearfully gave him back the ring and Pete left.
Sam's first instinct was to go to Jack. She hesitated though. He had ordered her to leave and told her that their time together had been "an itch to scratch." While her brain knew that was the hurt talking, her emotions weren't so sure. Maybe he needed some time to cool down before they could discuss things rationally.
Sam busied herself cleaning the house for about 45 minutes before deciding that waiting was a crappy idea.
She hurriedly showered, got dressed and broke several traffic laws getting to Jack's house.
As she knocked on his door, she couldn't help thinking of all the things that had changed in her life in the last 24 hours. And she was hoping that things would change a whole lot more in the next few.
•••
Jack heard the knocking but refused to get up and answer. He was too busy pouring himself another glass of whiskey. He wasn't drunk yet but he was well on his way.
The knocking continued. "Go away," he yelled. " I don't want any."
At last, it stopped. Jack went back to his whisky.
"Don't want any what, Jack?" Sam asked.
Jack's head jerked up and he spilled some of his drink as he stood.
"How in the hell did you get in here, Carter?"
"I guess you didn't lock the door after I left this morning. I let myself in."
"Well you can let yourself back out again too," Jack said, taking a another swig.
Sam closed the distance between them and took away his glass. "Jack, I'm not leaving. Last night, I promised that you would never lose me. I meant that." Showing him her ringless left hand, she added, "I broke it off with Pete."
For the first time since she left this morning, Jack felt a little bit of hope. He refused to let her see it though.
"Saving the world too important to you to settle down?" he asked nonchalantly.
Sam was frustrated. He was going to make this as difficult as possible for her, not that she didn't deserve it. "No Jack. You are the reason I ended it. After last night, I couldn't lie to myself anymore. I love you."
She took his hand. "I don't know when it started. It just seems like it's always been there. I couldn't acknowledge it but I'm so tired of fighting this. I want to be with you. If that means giving up the SGC, then so be it."
Jack was stunned. Her career meant everything to Sam. He couldn't let her give that up.
"Sam, no. You can't -"
"Yes, I can and I will," she said firmly. Then a little less certain, she asked, "Unless you meant what you said this morning, that it was something you needed to get out of your system?"
The questioning look in her eyes was more than Jack could stand. He gently cupped her face with his hand.
"Dr. Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter, I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life getting you out of my system." He leaned down and kissed her, long and deep.
Sam heard herself whimper, heard Jack's answering groan. He swept his arms around her, drawing her close. They remained that way for several minutes, neither of them wanting to break the spell.
When they finally came up for air, Sam and Jack sat on the couch, close to one another. Sam leaned her head on his shoulder as Jack stroked her hand.
"We can do this Sam. I think that both of us can stay on at the SGC. It's not like we haven't saved the planet a few dozen times. We've got some favors to call in."
"You're right. We're entitled to a little happiness in our lives. And if worst comes to worst," she teased, " you'll make a great house husband."
"Is that a proposal?" Jack asked.
Sam smiled, then moved to straddle him on the sofa. In between kisses she said, "You're a smart guy Jack. You figure it out."
###
Story Notes: Feedback: This is my first fan fic so any feedback is much appreciated
Notes: This is my interpretation and then expansion on Sam and Jack's discussion in "Affinity."
Notes: This is my interpretation and then expansion on Sam and Jack's discussion in "Affinity."
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]