Jack suppressed the urge to whistle as he walked through the SGC towards Sam’s lab. He couldn’t stop the feelings that welled within him, trying to escape. No doubt he’d already scared a few airmen with his chipper mood. Sam had moved in with him a few days before and they had a week on-world ahead of them. He planned on using all of it to the fullest.
"Hey, you ready to go home yet?" He asked as he walked into Sam’s lab. She didn’t even look up from her computer screen. "Huh? Oh sorry, I’m gonna be a while yet. These numbers aren’t looking right. Why don’t you go on home? I’ll see you later."
Jack shook his head. "And just how are you going to get home? We brought my car this morning, remember?"
Sam looked up, distracted. "Oh, that’s right. Well, I’ll just stay on the base tonight."
He walked over and turned her away from the computer, ignoring her scowl. "Come home with me. It’ll all still be here in the morning. You’ve only just moved in, let’s enjoy it while we can."
Sam shook her head. "Jack, if I don’t get these simulations finished tonight, then I won’t be able to start building a prototype tomorrow. I really need to finish this before our next mission."
Jack gave a frustrated growl. "Fine, whatever. Just make sure you eat something and get at least a few hours sleep tonight." He turned to leave but Sam grabbed his arm, stopping him.
"Don’t go away mad."
He sighed and closed the gap between them. "I’m not mad, just a little disappointed."
"I know. I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you tomorrow night, I promise."
"I’ll hold you to that," he replied with a grin. He gave her a quick kiss and left her to do her work.
****
Jack drove towards his house, but he really didn’t feel like going there alone. He decided to stop off for a drink first. He parked the car and walked into the small bar. He’d spent a lot of time there before being recalled to active duty and, even after, he’d still stopped off for the occasional beer. That of course changed when he and Sam had got together. Any time that wasn’t spent on the base or off-world was spent with her. When they went out for drinks, they usually went to O’Malleys. He’d never brought Sam to this bar.
Opening the front door, he was immediately hit by the smell of cigarettes and beer. He walked up to the bar and the bartender recognised him immediately. "Jack! I was beginning to think something had happened to you!"
"Hey, Bobby. It has been a while, hasn’t it?" Jack agreed.
"Sure has," the burly middle-aged man replied. "Get you a beer?"
"Please," Jack replied. He turned to survey the other patrons and came face to face with a person he’d know anywhere, Sara.
"Hi, Jack," she greeted tentatively. She was a little unsure. The last time she’d seen him was when the entity crystal had cloned him a few years earlier.
"Hi, Sara," he replied with a small smile. "What are you doing here?"
"Oh, just out for a few drinks with some friends." That had been the other reason that Jack had never taken Sam to that particular bar. He knew that Sara went there. It wasn’t that he was embarrassed to be seen with her, but he thought that Sam would have been uncomfortable and he knew he would have been.
"How ‘bout you?" Sara asked as she sat down next to him. Jack shrugged. "Didn’t feel like going home to an empty house just yet."
At that moment Sara’s friends walked up to them. "Sara, we’re going now. Do you want a lift or are you staying?" They eyed Jack suspiciously. Jack turned to his ex-wife. "If you wanna stay a while, I can give you a lift later. To be honest, I’d appreciate the company."
"Thanks," she told him before turning to her friends. "I’ll see you all later."
It was after two when Jack finally made it back to his house. He and Sara had stayed at the bar until midnight before moving on to her house. After brushing his teeth, he stripped off and climbed into bed, turning to look at the empty pillow beside him. He sighed before turning off the bedside lamp and drifting off to sleep.
*****
The next day was a busy one and Jack hardly saw Sam until lunch time. He walked into her lab and saw her busily wiring up the prototype she was working on. "Wow," he said as he looked over her shoulder.
"You’ve almost got it done already? What time did you get up this morning?"
She shrugged, finishing the last wire and putting her pliers down. "About 0500, I think. I couldn’t sleep." She smiled as she rose from her stool.
"I was missing you."
"Yeah, I know what you mean," he replied, giving her a kiss before leading her towards the commissary for lunch.
By late afternoon, Sam was ready to go home, as promised. She’d spent the afternoon rushing to get her prototype finished, all the while planning the romantic evening she had in store for Jack. She met him at his office and they wasted no time in leaving the base and heading for their place.
"So," Jack started as Sam tried to open the front door, a rather difficult task considering the places where Jack’s hands were wandering. "What have you got planned for tonight? Remember you promised to make it up to me?"
"I remember," she laughed, finally opening the door. "All good things come to those who wait."
"Are you a good thing?" He asked, raising his eyebrows suggestively.
"Ah, now that depends," she returned, noticing that the answering machine was flashing.
Sam walked over and hit the button. The first one was from Janet. "Hey Sam, it’s Janet. You know you should really change that message. No one will know that you live there! Anyway, Cassie’s gone to a sleep-over so if you can drag yourself away from the Colonel, come over and we’ll have a girl’s night. See you later." The beep sounded and then there was another message.
"Hi Jack, it’s me... Sara. I hope you made it home okay last night. You really could have stayed here. Oh well, maybe next time. Last night meant a lot to me, I hope we can do it again soon. Give me a call." The machine beeped again and began rewinding itself. Sam didn’t notice. She was too busy staring at Jack, tears welling in her eyes.
Jack saw the look on her face and immediately knew what she was thinking. "Sam, it’s not..."
"You bastard!" She ground out before running out the door.
"Sam!" He called, rushing out after her.
"You stay the hell away from me!" She yelled and got into the car. She locked the door, preventing him from opening it and quickly started the engine. She sped away, leaving him standing in the driveway.
****
Sam knocked on Janet’s door before wrapping her arms around herself, hugging herself tightly.
"Hi, Sam!" Janet beamed as she opened the door. She stopped dead when she caught sight of her friend’s face, the tears still coursing down her cheeks. "God! What’s happened?" She asked, pulling her friend into her arms. Sam clung to her for a moment, sobbing quietly before she tried to compose herself.
"Come on, come inside," Janet soothed as she led her friend further into the house. "Do you want me to call the Colonel?"
"No! I *never* want to see him again!" Sam proceeded in telling her friend what happened.
"Sam, maybe this is all a misunderstanding..." Janet started when Sam had gone quiet.
"He was at her house and he didn’t tell me. When I asked him how his night was, he just said he went out for a few drinks. Why wouldn’t he tell me if he didn’t have anything to hide?" She started to cry again and Janet got up, retrieving some sleeping pills from the bathroom and a glass of water.
"Here, take these and lay down for a while." She took the glass once Sam had finished and covered her with a blanket once she’d laid down.
"Close your eyes," she soothed, stroking her friend’s hair until her breathing became even. Once she was sure Sam was asleep, she picked up her glass of wine and her book and moved to another chair where she could keep an eye on her.
About an hour later, Janet jumped as a noise invaded her thoughts. She moved to pick up the shrilling phone, looking to see if the noise had woken Sam. She sighed with relief when she saw she was still asleep.
"Hello?" She asked, walking out into the kitchen.
"Doc? It’s Jack O’Neill. Listen..."
"You prick!" Janet growled. "How could you do that to her?!"
"Okay, I guess that answers my question. So, she’s there?"
"Why should I tell you anything?"
Jack sighed. "Look, I just wanna know where she is, make sure she’s okay."
"Of course she’s not okay! The man she loves has just kicked her in the gut! You didn’t even have the balls to tell her to her face!"
"It’s not what you think! I didn’t..."
"I don’t want to hear it! And you better not come around here either, or I’ll call the police. Better still, I’ll call Teal’c... or maybe Jacob Carter. I’m sure he’d love to know what you’ve done to his daughter." With that she hung up, effectively stopping any come back he may have had.
****
Jack didn’t even go to bed that night. He couldn’t bare the thought of how cold and empty it would be without Sam beside him. Instead, he ended up falling asleep on the sofa after a bottle of scotch. He woke the next morning with a horrible taste in his mouth and a throbbing headache. He showered, dressed and brushed his teeth, before getting in the car and heading for Daniel’s place.
"Hey, Jack," Daniel greeted when he opened the door. "What are you doing here?"
"Can I come in for a minute?"
"Yeah, sure. What’s up? I mean, no offence, but you look like hell."
"Yeah, I feel like hell too. Got any coffee?"
Daniel chuckled. "Um, this is me you’re talking to. Of course I’ve got coffee." He walked out into the kitchen, Jack following him. Once he’d got the percolator going, he turned back to his friend. "What’s going on, Jack?"
Jack sighed. "I’ve screwed up, Daniel."
"Screwed up what?"
"My life. Sam left last night."
Daniel’s eyes got very large. "What?! Why?!"
Jack took the cup that Daniel had almost dropped and poured himself some coffee. "The other night, when Sam stayed on Base, I went to this bar on the way home and I met up with Sara..."
"Your ex-wife? God, Jack, you didn’t..."
"No! Of course not! I dropped her off at her place and we talked about Charlie. Thing is, I didn’t tell Sam. Sara rang up and left a message on our machine saying that she’d had a good time and of course Sam took it the wrong way. She’s gone to Doc. Fraiser’s and I can’t even get near her to try and explain."
Daniel poured himself a cup of coffee, needing the strong black brew as he tried to get his head around everything. "You want me to talk to her?"
He asked after a minute. Jack shook his head. "I don’t want you caught in the middle of it. I just thought you could give me some advice."
"The only advice I can offer is to not let her get away. You’ve got to make her understand, Jack." Daniel was thoughtful for a moment. "If she won’t see you, maybe you should send her a letter."
"A letter? Daniel, Have you read my reports? I’m lucky to make them coherent, how would I be able to write a letter that would get her back?"
"I could help you. I’m sure we could write one that would at least get her to talk to you."
"It’s an idea, Daniel. I’ll think about it." He looked at his watch. "I’m gonna get going. Thanks buddy."
****
As he neared his house, Jack caught sight of Sam’s car parked on the street near the curb . With his heart in his throat, he hurried in the door and saw her walking down the stairs. He could tell that she’d been crying and his heart wrenched at the thought that he was the cause. "Hi," he said tentatively.
"Hi," she replied, looking everywhere but at him. She knew the minute she looked at him she’d lose all of her resolve.
"I’m glad you came back."
"I just came to get some of my stuff. I’ll get the rest later."
Jack couldn’t resist any more and walked over to her. He reached out a hand but she moved away from him. "Please don’t touch me."
He sighed. "Sam. Let me explain, please? You know I love you and I would *never* do anything to hurt you."
Sam looked up then and their eyes locked. She could see the pain there and a bit of her barrier crumbled. That barrier was quickly replaced when she heard a voice through the open front door. "Jack? Are you home?"
Sara walked through the door, stopping when she saw Jack. "There you are. I was in the neighbourhood and thought..." Her eyes fell on Sam and she stopped. "Oh sorry, am I interrupting something? I can come back another time."
Sam shook her head, her voice tight with suppressed emotion. "Don’t go on my behalf. I was just leaving." She picked up her bag and headed for the door, avoiding Jack’s desperate grab for her.
"Baby, please don’t go," he begged.
"You got what you wanted Jack, just leave me alone." She walked out the door and slammed it behind her.
Jack slumped on the sofa, his head in his hands. Sara looked at him, incredulous. "You two aren’t..."
"Just leave it, okay?"
"Isn’t she a bit young for you? What is this, your mid-life crisis?"
"Sara, my life stopped being your concern the day you left. Who I see is *my* business."
She looked at him for a long moment. "You’re in love with her!"
Jack sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "Yeah, I’m in love with her."
"And you had a fight?"
He shook his head. "She heard the message you left and took it the wrong way."
"And she thinks we’re... oh God, I’m sorry Jack. I didn’t realise you were seeing someone."
He looked up at her and sighed again. "I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. It just didn’t seem right to be shoving it in your face."
"You can be honest with me, Jack. Granted, I’m a bit disappointed but realistically we could never have a second chance, could we?"
"There’s too much in our past," Jack agreed. He looked at his hands. "I tried not to fall in love with her. At first it was easy. Then we almost lost her and I couldn’t deny it anymore." He smiled. "Well I couldn’t deny it to myself anyway. I was doing pretty good at denying it to everyone else."
Sara tried not to feel jealous at the soft smile that formed on her ex-husband’s lips. She knew he would find someone else one day, but his face showed the depth of his love and she’d never seen it that deep when they were married. He loved this woman with all of his heart and soul.
"So, if you kept denying it, how did the two of you get together?" She couldn’t stop herself from asking. She hated the thought of him with another woman, but she knew him well enough to know he had no idea what to do to get Sam back. She loved him enough to help him, even if it meant finally letting him go.
Jack smiled at the memory. "We got some leave and I convinced her to go to Uncle Will’s cabin with me. It was all very innocent. I just wanted to get her away from the base for a while, she works too hard and I could see she was worn out. But it was hard to remember the regulations when we were there. No fatigues or Major and Colonel, it was just Sam and Jack, and Sam and Jack wanted to be together."
Sara tried to digest the information she had been told. "So, this is all a secret?"
"Not any more. We came clean with the General and we were granted a reprieve." He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "She only moved in a few days ago. Everything was so perfect, I should have known I’d screw it up some how."
Sara placed a hand on his arm. "Do you know where she is now?"
"Yeah. She’s at a friend’s place."
"Then don’t you think you should be over there talking to her instead of talking to me?"
He shook his head. "Janet threatened to call the police if I showed up there... or worse still, Sam’s Dad. He’s *not* a man I want to get on the wrong side of."
Sara thought for a moment. "Then tell me where her friend lives."
****
Janet and Sam were just sitting down to a cup of coffee when they heard the doorbell chime. "If that’s him, I don’t want to see him," Sam told her. Janet nodded, getting up and walking to the front door. She opened it and was surprised to see a woman standing there. She looked vaguely familiar, but Janet couldn’t put a name to her face. "Can I help you?"
"Um, yes. I was looking for Sam. Is she here?"
Janet turned around and saw Sam standing there, hugging herself. "I don’t want to talk to you," she told the woman in no uncertain terms.
"Please, just hear what I have to say. Then I’ll leave."
"Did he send you?"
Sara shrugged. "Someone has to explain."
"Explain what? That he was using me? I think I figured that one out for myself, thanks all the same."
Sara put her foot in the door as Janet went to close it. "No, you have to understand that he loves you. Please, just let me say what I came here to say. Then, if you still want to, you can kick me out."
"Fine," Sam replied grudgingly. There had been something in the woman’s eyes when she had said that he loved her. Almost a sadness and it had Sam curious.
They sat in the living room while Janet made herself scarce. Sara cleared her throat before she began speaking, looking directly at Sam so she would be able to see that she was telling the truth. "Jack and I ran into each other at a bar the other night and had a few drinks together. My friends had already left so he gave me a lift home and I invited him in for coffee..."
"God, I don’t want to hear this," Sam whispered, tears welling.
"It’s not what you think. We talked. I’d been looking through an old photo album with Charlie in it and Jack found it. He looked through it and we just started talking."
She gave a sad smile. "I didn’t understand why Jack was so open about Charlie and what he was feeling. Now I do. In all the time we were married, Jack could never just tell me what he was feeling. Anything bad would be locked in so deep that the only way he could release the sorrow was through anger. I’m not saying he was abusive, physically or otherwise, but each fight was like world war three. Last night, Sam, was the first time we really talked about losing our son and I think it’s all because of you."
"And now you’re going to get back together." Sam didn’t even try to hide the bitterness in her voice. Sara shook her head. "No, Sam. Our marriage ended the day our son died. There’s too much bad blood between us and besides, he’s moved on." She continued on at Sam’s look. "He loves you. I’ve never seen that amount of love radiate from his eyes. Not even when we were together."
Sam could see in her eyes that she was telling the truth. "He loved you, Sara."
She gave a sad smile. "I know he did. I was his little piece of normalcy. The problem is, Jack’s life is far from normal. He could never share anything with me. Everything was classified. It’s hard to give your all when half of your life’s a secret."
Sam didn’t know what to think. "So why didn’t he tell me? If he’d just told me that, then I wouldn’t have assumed the worst." She shook her head. "I mean, sure I would have probably felt a bit threatened but..." Tears threatened to form and Sam closed her eyes for a moment. She’d had enough crying. "I thought that I’d gone and fallen for the wrong man again, but this time I couldn’t pick up the pieces and just move on." She took a shuddering breath. "I don’t know what to do now," she told Sara honestly.
Janet, who had obviously been eavesdropping from the kitchen, walked out and went over to sit beside Sam. "What you do now, is go over there and talk to the guy. Knowing the Colonel, he had a legitimate reason for not telling you. Just listen to what he has to say and then go from there." She looked over at Sara. "Wouldn’t you agree?"
She nodded in reply. "Go back home, Sam. You two belong together. Even I can see that."
****
Sam couldn’t believe how nervous she was as she walked up to the front door. She wasn’t sure whether she should just walk in or knock. She was saved from making a decision when the door opened.
"I’m glad you came," Jack told her as he stood in the door. He stepped back so she could walk in and they headed for the living room, where they sat at opposite ends of the sofa.
They sat, staring at each other for a few moments before Sam spoke.
"We need to talk, Jack."
"You want to know why I didn’t tell you I saw Sara?" He deduced.
"Yeah," she replied. "I think you owe me that. I’ve gone through hell these last twenty-four hours and I want to know why."
He sighed. "I didn’t tell you, because I wasn’t ready to tell you what we were talking about," he told her honestly.
"Sara said you were talking about Charlie. Was she lying?"
"No, she wasn’t. He’s all we talked about." He swallowed. "Him and the day he died."
Sam couldn’t help but reach out a hand to his as she saw the pain in his eyes. "Jack, all you had to say was you weren’t ready to talk to me about Charlie and I would have understood. God, you were so patient when I didn’t want to talk about Jolinar’s memories. Did you really expect me not to understand?"
"I don’t know what I was thinking." He looked into her eyes. "I’m so sorry, Sam. Please come back to me. I don’t want to be anywhere unless you’re with me." He reached for her and she allowed him to pull her close. "God, I’ve missed you," he whispered. "I love you *so* much."
Sam smiled through her tears. "I love you too, Jack. Of course I’ll come back home. It’s been hell not being with you."
Jack nodded and held her closer still. "I want to tell you about him, Sam. I just want to do it right. I want to show you what kind of kid he was. I thought maybe I’d wait so I could get the home videos and photos off Sara and show you. Then you could see what he was like."
Sam pulled back so she could look at him. "I don’t want you to feel pressured into doing this. I don’t want you to tell me until you feel comfortable sharing this with me."
"I want to share him with you, Sam. I didn’t realise how much until today. He’s still a part of me and I want to share everything of myself with you."
Sam smiled that smile that was reserved for him only. "Then when you get everything off Sara, we’ll sit here and you can tell me all about him."
He nodded, knowing that she had effectively put the ball in his court. He could take all the time he needed to get the videos and photos and she would wait until he was ready.
"God, I’m glad you’re here," he told her, pulling her closer. "I had no idea how to get you back. I even went and asked Daniel for advice."
Sam laughed. "Really? And what was Daniel’s advice?"
"He told me to write you a letter, even said he’d help me so you’d actually understand it."
"What would you have said in it?"
"I don’t know. Probably just explained what really happened and told you how much I love you and how lonely this place was without you here with me. Then I probably would have started begging," he finished with a grin. Sam smiled back at him. "I would have loved to read it, but I guess this way got us back together a lot quicker. I guess we should really thank Sara, it can’t have been easy for her to do that."
Jack nodded his agreement. "Yeah, I suppose we should, but later. I’m suddenly feeling rather tired. What do you say we go upstairs and have a nap?" He grinned at her.
"Jack, it’s two in the afternoon!" She told him, before realising what he had meant. Her eyes sparkled. "But, I guess I am feeling tired," she told him as she leaned in to kiss him. As the kiss deepened, she had a feeling that they wouldn’t be reaching the bedroom anytime soon.
*****
Baby don’t go, baby please don’t go
Don’t you leave me here feelin’ lonely
Don’t you leave me here feelin’ low
All I know is what I know
And I know I love you so
Baby don’t go, baby please don’t go
*****
Story Notes: Songbook Series 04: jez80@ozemail.com.au
SPOILERS: Cold Lazerus
RATING: PG (some mild swearing)
ARCHIVE: Sam and Jack and Heliopolis please.
AUTHORS NOTES: As always, thanks to my two fantastic beta readers, Kes and Jenn! You guys are the best!
FEEDBACK: Very much appreciated!
SPOILERS: Cold Lazerus
RATING: PG (some mild swearing)
ARCHIVE: Sam and Jack and Heliopolis please.
AUTHORS NOTES: As always, thanks to my two fantastic beta readers, Kes and Jenn! You guys are the best!
FEEDBACK: Very much appreciated!
End Notes: Jack- "As much as I might otherwise think this is nice..."
Sam- "Shh, sleep"
Jack- "Is that what we're doing?"
(Solitudes)
Sam- "Shh, sleep"
Jack- "Is that what we're doing?"
(Solitudes)
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]