I was annoyed. Not at being taken like that, but at their timing. Couldn't they have waited just five minutes longer? Just five more minutes, and I'd have got the damn speech out. I spent hours on that speech. Well, days.
I'd written it rewritten it over and over. The first version seemed too impersonal. The second version seemed too personal. The third version was too funny, the fourth too serious. And so it went on and on, until version thirty five, which was just right. I'd memorised it, but I had a back-up plan, just like Carter always advised. I had it all neatly written out on little cards, that fit snugly in my pocket.
And now, I was sitting in my quarters, looking at these cards. After all that happened, the words seemed too...inadequate...for her. Too impersonal. Too jokey. She'd given me support at a vital time, overcome her..dislike..of Cronos, to save his life, using something that made her extremely uncomfortable, saving my ass, and the whole planet, again.
In a way, I was glad I hadn't given the speech. I hate speaking in public. But I also regretted not giving it. I regretted the missed opportunity to thank her, and praise her, and let the whole base know what a wonderful, unique person she was.
I picked up the cards, and paced around my quarters, reading out loud from my cards.
"I am a man of very words, most of them sarcastic, as Major Carter knows all too well."
Pause to smile at her, and receive a smile in return, as we once again share a joke.
"In fact, one of her most sterling qualities is her ability to put up with me, and my jokes, for longer than twenty-four hours, without shooting me."
Pause for snort of agreement from Daniel, who will then realise everybody heard him, and blush.
"But she has many other qualities, all of which make her someone I am privileged to work with."
Pause to swallow. Last chance to stop, and make this speech the impersonal listing of achievements these things usually are.
"Many of you know how I feel about scientists, so many of you realise how...annoyed...I was to find a scientist on my team. The annoyance lasted all of five minutes after I met her. After five hours, I positively liked her. After five missions, I realised I had found my perfect second-in-command."
Pause to glance over at Sam's face, glowing with pride, listening intently to the praise I give so rarely.
"Someone who would argue with me when she thought I was wrong. Someone with the intelligence to solve almost every problem, and the patience to explain it to me. Someone who knew what I was thinking, before I thought it. Someone I could trust to watch my back, without ever having to ask her to. Someone who would come back for me when all hope was lost. Someone who would fight to her last breath, against all the odds, in the face of her certain death. Someone who would never give up, not even when I ordered her to. Someone whom I trust with my life and soul, as I place it in her hands daily, without a qualm. Someone to whom I am eternally grateful for saving my life. Someone brave, gentle, caring, strong, intelligent, and full of joy. And so, in conclusion, I would like to say...no-one deserves this more than you, Sam. I am only sorry that I cannot give you a more fitting award for all that you have done for me, SG1, and everyone in this room."
Pause to look at Sam's face, not knowing what the expression is. And pause to look around SGC, knowing I've just revealed my feelings clear as day to everyone here.
"Dammit! I should have gone with the funny one."
"I like it just as it is, Sir."
I turned round to see Sam standing there, leaning against the door of my room, not smiling, just looking.
"Yeah, well, just something I knocked up at the last minute..." I said, self-deprecating to the last.
"Do you mean it? What you said?"
Now is the moment of truth. Do I tell her, hell yes I mean it, and so much more? Or do I tell her it's my standard speech, and I would have said exactly the same if it had been Kawalsky? Tell the truth, or take refuge in a comforting, safe lie? My choice is clear.
"Yes. I mean it. I may not say it very often, but every word is true."
She walked towards me, and held her hand out. "May I keep it? The speech?"
"Why?"
"Something to read next time you bawl me out."
I handed it over, half reluctant, half-hoping she read it over and over, and find the hidden meaning in every sentence.
"Take good care of it. I'm not saying any of that again till you get promoted again." I said, trying to keep it light, trying to distract her from the intensity I can feel in my eyes, as I gaze at her. She takes the cards, handling them like glass.
"I'll treasure it Sir." and she leaves.
I wish I could give her more. But I know all too well, she will never accept more.
The End.
Story Notes: JACK'S SPEECH CHALLENGE, FAIR GAME
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]