"I get enough of that way of the warrior crap from Colonel O'Neill!"
I'm not sure if I was meant to hear that. If she ever does moan about me, she normally does it well out of my hearing, keeping the line of command clear and pure as always. She's really angry to let me hear her talk about like that.
She's right though. After all that's happened, all that's been said between us, she has every right to expect me to hold her all night while she cried her eyes out. I did the first time Daniel died. I wanted to, I really wanted to. I even drove to her house, with pizza and beer, ready to spend the night remembering Daniel.
Except she wasn't there. She was back at the base, but not in her lab. She was in Daniel's room. Where she's been almost every hour she's spent on the base since he's died.
I tried to tell her what happened, that he had ascended to a higher plane of existence, that this was what he chose, that if anything, we should be happy for him.
"Well, I'm not. He's not here, and that's all that matters."
"Sam." I tried to say.
"He wasn't supposed to die!" she snapped back, shouting, careless of the tears coming down her face. "I know Teal'c will find some honourable way to end his life one day, and you throw yourself into danger so much I wake up every morning convinced you're going to die today, but not him! He was supposed to stay alive!"
I was stunned. Shocked. And I reacted the way I always do when my emotions threaten to come to the surface, plain for her to see. I left.
I hadn't seen her since, not until Freya came through the gate, and she showed up, pale, tear-stained, still shaken. And I did what I honestly thought was right. I acted the cold-hearted bastard, pushing her into getting back out there. It was the only way to get her out of his lab, stop her mourning, get her living again.
Maybe I went too far. Maybe I was punishing her, almost, for expecting me to die and Daniel to live. And I think I figured out why she's always insisted on the regs, kept us apart, when we should have been close. She thinks I'm going to die.
All I want to do is hold her, tell her it'll be alright, I'll live. But Daniel, never the warrior type, died. And as she says, I never back off from a fight. And if I make her care now, and I die, she'll never recover. There'll be no-one else to push her to hr limits, to make her come out of misery, to make her live again.
So the way of the warrior crap is going to have to go-on for a while. I'm going to have to live with the way she looked at me earlier, like she hated me. And one day, someone will tell her I did it for her own good.
Probably at my funeral.
Story Notes: Spoilers, Revelations
Author's notes. i can't seem to stop writing. i scribbled this off in half an hour while waiting fo a file to download, so aplogies if its bit rambling, but if i don't post it now i'll forget all about it and never post it.
Author's notes. i can't seem to stop writing. i scribbled this off in half an hour while waiting fo a file to download, so aplogies if its bit rambling, but if i don't post it now i'll forget all about it and never post it.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]