It happened quickly, and from the time it took me to travel from my apartment to the Base it all seemed like a dream… A nightmare.
It wasn’t raining – in situations like these you’d expect it to, wouldn’t you? – instead it was dark, and the roads were completely deserted.
Daniel was still in Egypt – he wouldn’t be able to be reached for at least two days – Teal’c was off world visiting Rya’c, which meant that he’d probably be at the Base when I got there, or else would be soon, and Janet was there too, of course.
I wasn’t at a cabin in Minnesota, enjoying bass “that’s this big” and warm fires and fishing and the peace and the quiet and the perfect company...
Ignoring the tears that almost blocked my vision, I pretended everything was alright. That’s the good thing about pretending – you know that it’s not real but you repeat it over and over until you believe it is... Like children with Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy... Like me with my feelings.
I decided not to go down that track – instead, concentrated on where I was going.
By the time I reached the SGC it was almost three in the morning – not that it made a difference seeing that I couldn’t get to sleep – and I realised I was crying.
I’m not the kind of person that cries.
I fell forward, my head resting on the steering wheel as I sobbed, the warm tears falling down the side of my face.
The phone call I had received from Doc Fraiser no more than forty minutes ago still echoed in my head as I half-walked half-stumbled towards the infirmary.
“...Dead...”
I know what that word means. I know too well what that word means – I’ve confronted it cold hard in the face more than once... Hell, I’ve even *been* dead. I’ve watched people die, I’ve killed people that half the time I can’t even *call* people...
She’s crying as hard as I was earlier – only her sobs are much louder and her breath is uneven.
“Janet…” I started, and she looked at me with her empty brown eyes. I felt a great sadness suddenly rising inside of my chest, ready to explode. “Oh God Janet,” I told her, wrapping my arms around her and trying to ignore the tears that started to fall.
Wiping her eyes, she pulled away from me.
“They said it was a… a brain embolism – there nothing we could do...”
I closed my eyes as I hugged her again, wishing away every single emotion there was inside of me.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I walked into his room. Don’t ask me why – somehow I was just… Drawn there.
I sat down in the darkness – the solitude echoed around me like a person who wants to cry but can’t – and I faced into a future I did not want to live.
I never liked what I saw on P3X987 – but slowly, it’s happening. Slowly, everyone is going to die… Just like the Colonel. There was one thing, though… I never got to have my wedding. The perfect part of my future is pretend.
Isn’t it ironic?
No matter what, I’m still hiding behind that unrealistic deception of pretending, trying to avoid facing the undeniable truth.
I closed my eyes, forbidding anymore tears to fall. When I was twelve and my mother died, everyone cried. Even my father… Everyone dies sometime, Sammy.
Hearing the door open, I wiped my face. Someone gasped – and I looked upwards.
“Oh… My… Oh God…”
I blinked hard, my breathing getting louder. There is no way…
“Colonel, sir…?” My voice weak, I stood slowly, staring at the person in front of my, who seems equally surprised as I am.
“Sam… Oh God I thought… They told me you were… you are… dead.” For a moment, I couldn’t talk. What the hell was going on?
Before I could find my voice, he hugged me. I hugged him. We hugged… I closed my eyes, and he whispered into my hair.
“Don’t let go… I’m afraid I’m dreaming.” He held me tighter.
“I was going to ask you the same thing,” I said slowly.
He kissed the top of my head, then my cheek. “Promise you’ll never leave me again.” I nodded my head.
“I promise…”
And, for a moment, I don’t care if this isn’t real… I don’t give a damn, because, for now, I’m happy pretending.
~FIN~
Story Notes: STATUS: complete, part four in the Without Resisting Series
CATEGORY: S/J romance
SPOILERS: A tiny one for The Nox, but blink and you’ll miss it and every ep where Jack invited Sam to go fishing :) And Jolinar’s Memories.
SEASON: Season four
FEEDBACK: ... Makes the world go round :)
AUTHOR’S NOTES: Mucho thanks to my Beta Readers Helen and Jamieson13 and all the people who send me feedback (feedback very good ) Okay, this is pretty much thoughts with a weird twist at the end… That I will try and explain (*try* and explain) in the next two parts.
CATEGORY: S/J romance
SPOILERS: A tiny one for The Nox, but blink and you’ll miss it and every ep where Jack invited Sam to go fishing :) And Jolinar’s Memories.
SEASON: Season four
FEEDBACK: ... Makes the world go round :)
AUTHOR’S NOTES: Mucho thanks to my Beta Readers Helen and Jamieson13 and all the people who send me feedback (feedback very good ) Okay, this is pretty much thoughts with a weird twist at the end… That I will try and explain (*try* and explain) in the next two parts.
End Notes: Oh my god… That ending was pure sap *looks at the people who were expecting angst* at least Jack isn’t really dead – I swear I never intended to write it that way :)
Pleeeeeeease send feedback for the feedback monster (she’s not really that scary, just my muse in disguise ).
Aenea ;p
Pleeeeeeease send feedback for the feedback monster (she’s not really that scary, just my muse in disguise ).
Aenea ;p
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]