“Jack wake up. Jack come on I need you to wake up.”
“Uh.” Groaned Colonel Jack O’Neill. “Daniel, can’t you just leave a guy to get a good night’s sleep. I mean you’re dead or ascended or what you call it.”
“Jack do you really think I could come back to haunt you if there was something wrong.”
“What did mother nature burn the toast and make lousy coffee?” Jack joked even though it was a little after two in the morning.
“Don’t make jokes Jack. This is serious.”
“So what is it Danny Boy or should that be Daniel white light?”
“Jack this is about Sam.”
“What’s wrong with her?” Jack automatically jumped to a serious face rather than his usual jovial self.
“Jack, she isn’t taking this well, I mean me ascending, she’s crumbling into pieces.”
“Carter’s coping okay. She seems to get on with Jonas okay.”
“No she’s not. She’s putting on a front, being the tough soldier everyone thinks she should be. You’re not helping matters; you’ve withdrawn away from her when she needs you most. It’s like she’s lost both of us, you’re the only one who can do anything about it.”
“Can’t you go and haunt her, let her know that you’re okay?”
“No, she’s not strong enough to cope with it. She needs you.”
“What am I supposed to say, there is nothing that I can say or do to stop her grieving. She has to work through this herself.”
“You can try, she needs you. Now I want you to do something for me.”
“What?” Jack yawned.
“Go and ask Jonas for the volume of Keats poetry I kept in my office, he has it, he’s still up reading the history books.”
“Why do I want a poetry book?” Jack asked confused, what did Daniel expect him to read poetry to Carter?
“Sam wrote us all letters, after the entity incident, things she wanted us to know if she died, how she felt etc. She gave them to me for safekeeping they’re in the poetry book. I think you need to read the one she wrote you, it might help you understand her.”
“How do you know that, what she wrote?” Jack asked.
“I read the letters she wrote to you and Teal’c, I helped her write something in Goa’uld on Teal’c’s. You need to read it Jack, if you don’t I think you’re going to lose her.”
“Okay, Danny. I’ll go and get the book, but she’s going to kill me if she finds out I read something she didn’t want me to know unless she was dead.”
“I don’t think she will. I’ll check back with you soon. Good luck Jack and keep them safe for me.”
“I will Danny boy, I will.” With that Daniel disappeared.
Jack groaned as he got out of bed and slipped on his BDU’s this was not what he needed when he had a mission briefing at 0630.
~ ~ ~
“Colonel O’Neill, what are you doing up so late?” Jonas asked as Jack entered the lab, which had formally belonged to Daniel.
“I need one of Daniel’s books. It’s a poetry book, Keats I think.”
“Sure, it’s somewhere around here, probably in my to read pile. I started with the ones about Earth Culture it’s all so fascinating. Did you know that…”
“Jonas, I just need the book it’s late and I don’t have time to go into the idiosyncrasies of some culture that’s been dead for hundreds if not thousands of years on Earth. Besides which we have a mission briefing in less than four hours.”
“Sorry. Here you go.” Jonas handed Jack the book.
“Thanks. You should go to bed too. You need to sleep we’re exploring somewhere or other that Carter will brief us on, I don’t want you falling asleep on us in the middle of a mission.”
“It’s P6D 676.” Jonas supplied. “It’s got this temple that looks…”
“I don’t really care at the moment Jonas. Go to bed that’s an order.”
“Fine. Goodnight Colonel.”
“Goodnight Jonas.”
Jack made his way back to his quarters and sat on the bed with the book in his lap for a few minutes, before summoning up the courage to open it. The first envelope was addressed to Daniel, Jack placed it on the bed making a mental note to return it to Sam, the next was to Teal’c he placed that on the other side of the bed. The next three envelopes were for General Hammond, her father, and her brother Mark. Jack sighed she’d really thought about this. He continued to flick through the book there were envelopes for Cassie and Janet. He finally came to the envelope for him. It has ‘Jack’ simple emblazoned on the front.
He held the envelope in his hand, Sam had written this to be given to him if she was dead, should he really be reading it. Then Daniel’s words hit him, ‘she needs you… you’ll lose her’. He tore open the envelope.
‘Dear Jack,
I guess if you’re reading this I’m dead, so it really doesn’t matter what I call you. I never really thought about dying before, I know being in the military there is always the thought in the back of your mind of ‘dying in the line of duty’ but it never really bothered me. I mean I’ve know lots of people who’ve died in the line of duty working at the SGC it’s hard not to but, I guess it never really hit me, I think somewhere deep down inside I always thought SG-1 were invincible, I know we’ve had a couple of close calls, hell we’ve died a couple of times but I guess somewhere deep down inside I always knew we’d make it back because we had each other to look out for us.
When I was infected by the entity and you had to shoot me it made me think of all the things I never had chance to say. I remember when we thought we were going to die in Antarctica I said I had no regrets, this time I did. I regretted not being to articulate in person how I felt, what in your heart I think you already knew.
Firstly Jack, whatever happened don’t blame yourself it wasn’t your fault. I knew the risks I was taking, when I accepted this job, I know there is always a chance when I stepped through that gate that I may not comeback. I also knew whatever happened you would have done your best to protect us, not just because you were our leader, not just because you were our friend because we’re a family and family looks out for each other. So don’t blame yourself Jack, don’t back away from the world like I know you’ll try to, Daniel and Teal’c need you, so do Janet and Cassie. You’ve all lost so much and you need to remember that you have each other, no matter what happens.
Secondly, I’m sorry I had to force you to admit how you felt when Anise thought we were Zatarc’s I know what was happening between us was something we’d managed to keep in check up until that point. Something we knew we couldn’t admit to because of how important the work we do is. Even though we made that pact to leave it in the room it doesn’t mean I don’t care about, or that I don’t love you Jack. That’s what I want you remember Jack, I love you no matter what happens I love you for the man you are and the man you try to be. Life is a series of uncertainties and in my life my love for you is one constant I know that holds me together through my darkest hours.
I want you to promise Jack that you’ll go on, keep going through the Stargate, exploring new worlds helping to save the galaxy from the Goa’uld powers, they need you. I know you think you’re just one man, but you’re more than that you’re a symbol of hope to a lot of people, a symbol that whatever happens there will be someone to fight the injustices and to try and make things a little better. I also need you to know that act you put on making people think you’re not as intelligent as you really are never fooled me. I know some of the concepts I tried to get you to understand were complicated and a little confusing, but that didn’t stop you from trying to understand that’s one thing I’ve always admired about you, your ability to keep pursing things to learn a little more. Most people wouldn’t even try to listen when I’m explaining ‘doohickeys’ or why something happened you always did and I love you for it.
Jack, you were always my constant, my knight in shining BDUs, making jokes that made me smile, rescuing me from thought and constantly reassuring my faith in humanity.
Thinking about it, there is something else I’ll regret other than not telling you how I feel. I’ll regret never accepting your invitation to go fishing. Daniel and Teal’c always how peaceful and quite it was at your cabin and how much I would love it there, but you know why I had to keep saying no. Sometimes, I think of what could or would of happened if like in all those alternate realities I hadn’t joined the military, I was just Dr Carter, theoretical astrophysicist, with an IQ that was too large for my own good and there were no regulations standing between us. I can’t help wondering if we’d have been happy, if we would have been the ones to survive, to go on have kids, the white picket fence and a little dog we could walk in the park. I remember thinking when I saw you kissing the other Samantha, what if it had been me. How would I have felt to watch you die only to be faced with another version of you who couldn’t or at least wouldn’t admit to feeling anything.
There is so much more I want to say but in your heart of hearts Jack, you know it all already. Just know I will love you for all eternity, never forget that.
It was an honour serving with you Colonel.
Love Major Dr Samantha Carter USAF. XXX ‘
Jack wiped a tear away from his eye. She was right he knew she loved him, just like he loved her. He needed her like she needed him. He had to do something about it. He crept down the corridor until he was stood in front of her quarters. They had all decided to stay at the base because of the early hour of their mission briefing. He gently knocked on the door. A few seconds later a sleepy Samantha Carter opened the door.
“Colonel O’Neill? Is something wrong? Did something happen?” She asked as she ran a hand through her hair.
“No. I just need…” He could finish his sentence, he stepped closer and gently kissed her.
“What was that for?” Sam asked as he broke the kiss.
“I’m sorry, I’ve backed away from you since Daniel died, I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you needed me.”
“You were here. You were just grieving in your own way. You needed space I understand that.”
“I just want you to know that, I’m here if you need me and I’ll never leave you whatever happens.”
“I know.” She whispered. “I know. Can I ask what brought this all on at three in the morning?” He showed her the piece of paper that was crumpled in his hand. “How did you… Daniel was the only one…I mean Jonas wouldn’t have… How did you…?”
“Call it divine intervention. I probably shouldn’t have read it but I think I needed to. The other’s are still in the book, I got it before Jonas had a chance to read it.”
“Thank you. I’m sorry, you read it, it’s only going to complicate things. That’s why I wrote it so you would know when things were over how I felt, I didn’t mean for you to know now.”
“I know and I know why you wrote it. Just know I feel the same way and that I’m here for you. I’d better let you go back to sleep we have a mission briefing in a little over three hours.” He kissed her on the forehead. “Night Sam.”
“Goodnight Colonel. Sweet dreams.”
“You too.” He left as she closed the door, things maybe not go back to how they were before Daniel had ascended but at least they had each other to get through the difficult times.
THE END
Story Notes: E-mail: shazbucket101@aol.com
Feedback: sure.
Season: 6
Spoilers: Entity, Solitudes, POV, D&C
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to the wonderful people who make the show
Authors note: I’ve not actually seen any of season 6 or actually as far as Daniel ascending in series 5 yet. The only things I know about Jonas Quinn are from reading other fan fic. So apologises if I got his personality wrong. This is just my interpretation of Jack and Sam’s feelings on his death.
Feedback: sure.
Season: 6
Spoilers: Entity, Solitudes, POV, D&C
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to the wonderful people who make the show
Authors note: I’ve not actually seen any of season 6 or actually as far as Daniel ascending in series 5 yet. The only things I know about Jonas Quinn are from reading other fan fic. So apologises if I got his personality wrong. This is just my interpretation of Jack and Sam’s feelings on his death.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]