Sam sat in her office going over what was left of the mission reports from their last mission. As she slowly looked over at her laptop and all the plans and figures for the particle accelerator she had built just a few days ago, she sighed and wondered why she went through the trouble for someone who apparently did not want to be rescued.
Sam rested her head in her hands and let out the breath she'd been holding. In her mind she knew what she had to do was to bring him back to earth, safely if it could be done. But, deep down, she had to bring him back for a totally different reason. She was so deep in thought that she didn't hear Janet come up from behind her and try to get her attention.
"Sam?" she questioned, but received no answer. Janet took in her features, head in her hands, slumped over figure, she looked exhausted. When she didn't get an answer out of Sam, she called her again. Janet reached out and put a hand on her shoulder.
"Sam?" she asked again.
Sam jumped at her words, and quickly looked away before answering her. "Hi," she answered quietly.
"Are you okay?" Janet asked her, knowing full well she wasn't.
"Yeah," Sam responded, looking away quickly.
Janet rested a hand on hers and gave it a squeeze. "Hey, let's talk okay?"
"Okay," Sam managed to whisper out as she got up from her chair and followed Janet into her office.
Carter sat down at a table in the corner of her office and again rested her head in her hands and let out an audible sigh. As Janet came to sit next to her, she set a glass of water in front of Sam.
"Sam, talk to me. What is going on?"
"It's nothing."
"Yes, it is. Otherwise, you wouldn't be sitting here like this." Janet paused and looked at her friend, "Remember a few weeks ago when I asked if missing O'Neill was going to be a problem?"
"Yeah."
"What happened, Sam?" Janet asked.
"Janet, you know most of the details already," Sam said, not wanting to discuss it further.
"Yes, I do Major. What happened?" Janet paused and looked around her office, it was a mess, returning her attention back to her friend. "As friends, Sam, I want to know what's going on with you. Look around, this isn't normally you." She finished as she pointed to the mess that was Carter's office.
Sam let out a sad smile as her eyes followed to where Janet had pointed. "I know. I just have been really busy the last few months, trying to build..." Sam paused as her eyes settled on a pile of papers which sat on her desk, "Trying to get someone home, who didn't want to come home." She finished in a soft whisper.
"How do you know that he didn't want to come home, Sam?"
"I heard him say as much." She looked up at her friend who wore a slightly confused look. "I heard him say that, to...to Laira."
"I am sure he wouldn't..."
"He said he wasn't happy to come home, he didn't want to," Sam replied as she looked down at her hands that were tightly clasped together. "After everything I did, all the work I did to bring him home to us, to the base, to..."
"Sam, you did what anyone else on this base would have done ... if they could that is," Janet said hoping to get a smile out of her.
It worked, but for only a few moments, then the sadness returned to Sam's features. "I missed him so much, Janet, I would have done anything, I did. And... and... I don't even get a thank you in return."
Janet just nodded in response, knowing that she was going to continue... she needed to.
"I can't believe this, Janet, I am never like this. This mission, it started out normally, until the first night. I can't believe I didn't catch it then."
"Catch what, Sam?" Janet questioned.
"Everything. I am supposed to be 'way smarter' as he would put it."
Janet smiled at her quote. "What do you mean Sam, What happened?"
"He kept avoiding me Janet, at first it was just like any other time, nothing was wrong, but as soon as Laira arrived into the picture, it was like nothing I said or did mattered to him. It hurt."
"I know, Sam," Janet replied as she smiled, trying to reassure Sam that everything was going to be all right.
After a few moments of silence Sam spoke again, "You know I didn't expect this; he is my commanding officer, Janet. I don't think I realized it really until now." Janet tried to look puzzled, but she knew exactly what Sam was talking about.
"The 'don't know what you got till its gone' thing huh, Sam?"
"Yeah."
"Well why don't you talk to him, Sam, explain things to him?"
"Oh please, like he wants to hear two words from me, Janet. He doesn't even want to be here, remember."
"What happened to trying, Sam?"
Carter looked at her for a moment. She knew that when it came to any of her friends, she would do anything to help them, anytime. If another were in trouble, she would be first in line to try anything to help them. But, somewhere she had to draw the line.
"I have to draw the line somewhere with him, Janet. I try and try and always, always come through for him. Don't give me that look, Janet, I know I am just doing my job, but I can't help it if somewhere down the line it got personal too."
"I know."
"God! I missed him so much," Sam said as she rested her head in her hands again.
Janet reached up and rested her hand on Sam's back, trying to give her some reassurance that she had a friend.
A few minutes passed in silence before Sam spoke up, "How was he Janet, after we came back?"
"Physically, he's fine," Fraiser replied, "But emotionally..."
"I know, he doesn't want to be here." Sam looked over at her friend for a moment. "Do you know he asked her to go back with us...right in front of me. Can you believe it? I was standing right there."
"I am sorry, Sam. Is there anything I can do?"
"Can you start the mission over, so maybe things could have turned out differently?" Sam asked some what seriously.
***************
Janet gave her an odd look, "You know that can't happen, Sam." Janet gave a small laugh as she sat back against her chair.
"Yeah, I know." Sam replied quietly as her eyes glazed over with tears, and she tried to cover them.
"Hey, come on Sam, everything will work out." Janet tried to sooth her.
As she pulled back from their friendly embrace Janet continued, "I hate to cut this short, but I do have to get back to work. You know where I am if you need to talk, okay?"
"Yeah. Thanks Janet, you are a good friend." Sam replied trying to get herself back together.
Janet smiled and left her office. Sam turned back around and looked around at what was called her life's mission for the past three months. She had worked so hard, battled over the impossible, and won. But for what?
Sam sat down on the floor and rested her head against her hands, and slowly and quietly let out her emotions, alone, again.
Her thoughts ran wild as she sat there, alone. Not knowing where to begin, they always lead back to one person.
'Urgh! Where do we go now?' Sam said to herself as she ran her hands through her hair.
A million thoughts where running through her head at that moment. She stood up and walked over to her desk and slumped back into her chair.
***
After leaving Sam's office, Janet headed towards the infirmary. She was upset with Jack for being so nonchalant about the way he was acting, like nothing anyone did here to return him home mattered.
'What was he thinking? That no one would care if he came back or if he didn't?' She asked herself as she rounded the corner leading to the infirmary. 'Didn't he think that Sam would do everything in her power to get him home?'
Janet was so deep in thought, that she didn't even realize she had made it back to her office until she sat down in her chair and looked at the door.
'Coffee. That's what I need.' Janet said as she stood up and started for the door.
As she paid the clerk in the cafeteria, Janet made her way around the scattered tables and people occupying them when she heard Daniel's voice coming from a booth in the corner. Deciding she would go over and say hello, she heard Jack's low voice. Noting it obviously was a personal conservation between friends, she decided to catch up with Daniel later. That was when she heard Sam's name come up more than once in the conservation, and curiosity got the better of her.
"Jack, what did you think? That no one was going to everything they could to rescue you?" Daniel said.
"I don't know. I just thought...hell, I don't know what I thought."
"Well, maybe you should think about that Jack, because everyone here, especially Sam, worked really hard."
"I know."
"Do you?" Daniel looked over at his friend, and paused before he continued, "Did you know she almost drove herself to exhaustion and dehydration? Janet threatened to admit her into the infirmary more than once, Jack."
He just sat there with sad eyes. He didn't know how to respond to Daniel's admission. In the back of his mind he knew that some how they would rescue him, and bring him home, he just didn't know how or when.
Janet sat in the booth behind them, listening to their conservation, even though she really shouldn't have. But, something kept her there. She thought it might be the need for an explanation from Jack, the need to know what was going through his mind when all of this was happening.
Jack and Daniel sat there in silence for a few minutes before either one spoke up again.
"You should have known that we would do everything possible Jack, to get you home. Do you have any idea of what this did to all of us?" He paused again before continuing, "Especially Sam?"
"I guess in the back of my mind, Daniel, I knew that you would find a way to come and get me. I knew that much. But, as time wore on, I don't know, it was like things where changing, that I had no control, and maybe that was my fate; to end up stranded on a planet." Jack paused and took a sip of his coffee, "You know I never once stopped thinking of you guys."
"We are friends Jack, we were worried about you, we wanted you home."
"I know, and I owe you guys..."
"What I want to know though, Jack, is when we arrived and brought the people back with us. If you wanted to go home all along, why did you tell Laira that you didn't want to go?"
Jack just looked at his friend. He wasn't sure how to answer. He had no idea why he had said that to her. "Maybe it was because at the end of three months, I thought I wasn't going to come back home."
"One more thing, Jack, Why did you ask Laira to come back with you? Are your feelings that strong for her?"
Jack started to say something, but quickly shut his mouth. After a few moments, he finally answered. "I was settling for something I thought I wouldn't ever have again."
Janet smiled. She knew what, and whom, he was talking about. With a smile she finished her coffee and sat back against the seat and closed her eyes.
"Settling Jack?"
"Oh! come on, Danny! You're a doctor. All that education didn't do squat for you. I think you should rethink going back to school." Jack said sarcastically.
"Oh! Fine. I am here, at your request I might add, and you are telling jokes."
"Settling, Danny. You know, for someone you thought you would never see again, or someone you could never have."
"Ah! I see where you are going with this."
"Yeah." Jack said barely above a whisper.
"Why don't you tell her, Jack?"
"I am not sure how."
"What? THE Jack O'Neill doesn't know how to talk to a woman?"
Jack made a move to get up, but Daniel stopped him, "Look, sorry Jack, I didn't mean for that to come out the wrong way."
"I know, and thanks."
"So, are you going to talk to her?"
"I don't know. I don't think she wants to say two words to me at the moment."
"Yeah, well don't waste to much time, Jack."
"Yeah."
"Listen, I have to get back to work. You know where I am if you need me."
"Thanks, Danny."
With that, Daniel got up, and went back towards his office. Jack remained in the booth looking at his empty coffee cup. Janet decided to make her retreat and head back to her office.
Janet made it a point to walk past Sam's office on her way back to hers. She noticed that she was not sitting at her desk, trying to work on something. Janet smiled and made a mental note to call her. Maybe they would do something together later that night.
Janet made it to her office and actually started to get some paper work done before she saw someone walk past her door, then turn around and walk through.
"Hey Doc."
"Hello, Sir. What can I do for you?"
"I just wanted to... I don't know."
"It's okay Sir," Janet looked up at him for the first time, "What's wrong, Jack? Are you feeling okay?" She asked, noticing the dark circles and tired features.
"I am..."
"Lost?"
"Yeah, you could say that."
"Do you want me to prescribe you something so you can sleep?"
"Na, I am all right, Doc. Thanks."
"Sure. Anytime."
Janet looked over at her telephone ,and decided to call Sam.
"Hello?" Came the voice through the receiver.
"Sam? It's Janet. How are you feeling?"
"All right. What can I do for you?"
"I just wanted to check in with you, see how you were doing."
There was a long pause and a sigh, Janet knew she wasn't doing well.
"Do you want to talk, Sam?"
"Yeah, but not here..." She left her sentence trail off when she noticed Jack walk by her door and didn't even stop. Sam let out another sigh and went back to the phone. "Definably, not here, Janet."
"Sam?"
"Yeah, yeah I am here."
"I thought I lost you there for a minute."
"I am here. Sorry Janet."
"I will come by your quarters around seven and we will go from there."
"Okay, see you then."
***
Janet arrived at Sam's door just as she said she would. "You ready to go?" Janet asked.
"Yeah, come on. Let's go." Sam replied as they walked out.
"Thanks, Janet, for everything." She said as they made their way to the elevator.
"We are friends Sam, you know that."
They were deep in conservation that neither one noticed Jack walking towards them, until he bumped into Sam.
"Oh sorry, Major, didn't see you there." Jack said, care full not to make eye contact with her.
Sam looked up at him, and noticed his game. It hurt, a lot.
Janet noticed and put a hand on her shoulder before saying something. "Well, Sir, maybe you should watch where you are going more often."
"Yeah." He replied, "Where are you going Doc?" Jack said, completely ignoring Sam, who had to turn away.
"Sam, and I are going out for a bit, not that it is any of your business, Sir. We are off duty." Janet replied as they continued on their way to the elevator.
Sam didn't say anything or show any emotion till they arrived at Janet's car. She got in the passenger side and dropped her head into her hands and shed a few tears. Why, is what she wanted to know?
"I am sorry about that back there, Sam."
"It's not your fault Janet. I just feel so..."
"Hurt? I know, Sam. I wish I could help you more."
"You are doing more than you know."
"Come on let's get out of here."
***
Daniel was at work in his quarters translating some sort of new artifact that he had brought back home with him from their last mission when Jack arrived at his door.
"Hey Danny." Jack said as he slowly came into his quarters and sat down.
Daniel looked at him for a moment, unsure of why he was here in the first place.
"Hello Jack, what can I do for you?"
"Nothing really, just needed company I guess." He said flatly.
Daniel just watched him. He looked awful, like he had not been sleeping... or eating ... for that matter. Knowing him the way he did, Jack was probably living off of coffee and nothing else.
"Oh! I see. Did you happen to talk to that person yet?" He asked, knowing full well who that person was.
"I ran into her in the hall, like I told you before she didn't want anything to do with me."
"Ah." Daniel said, as he put down the artifact he was holding and gave Jack his full attention. "Well, did you try Jack? Or did you just fumble out something stupid and incoherent like you always do?"
"You could say that." He paused as in coming to defense for himself, "But I was cut off by the Doc, she wouldn't let me get a word in edge wise."
"So, what are you going to do about it?"
"I don't know, but right now I want to get out of this place. Care to join me?"
"Ah Jack, I am not so sure."
"Aw come on Danny, a night out a few beers, and not our usual pub across the street either."
"It sounds like you want to drown you fears in alcohol Jack."
"Maybe I do." Jack stopped his pacing and sat down once again, "Since everything has happened.I just want to forget all the pain I caused. I didn't mean to alienate Sam, I didn't mean for her to hate me."
Daniel watched his friends expressions go from being excited about going out to depressed in a span of two minutes. This was not good.
"She doesn't hate you, Jack."
He didn't reply, but instead he just stood and headed for the door.
"Wait! Jack, okay, give me fifteen and I will meet you in your quarters."
He nodded and then left.
***
Janet pulled her car into a space at a local pub and shut the engine off. As she looked over at Sam, she noticed that she was looking absent mindedly out the window. Janet came to the conclusion that Sam didn't even know she had stopped the car.
"Earth to Sam?" She said waving her hand in front of Sam's face.
"Hey, sorry about that." She said solemnly.
"It's okay. We are here, come on."
"Janet, do we really have." The last part of her sentence was cut off by Janet shutting her car door and walking towards the building.
"Yes, Sam, we do." Janet said as she turned around, "Now will you come on."
As they walked through the door, Sam sighed. This was just what she needed, maybe. It was a quiet atmosphere, an old juke box playing in the background; a light smoke filled the air, air that had the slight smell of old cigars and cigarettes.
"This is a great place Sam, let's try to enjoy ourselves okay?" Janet said as they made their way to the bar.
"Sure."
They sat there in relative silence for a while; neither one not knowing where to begin, when Janet turned around and noticed the pool table had finally opened up. She got up and reached for Sam's arm.
"Hey, look, the pool table's open. Come on, let's play."
"Sounds good." Sam replied as she grabbed her drink and followed Janet to the table.
"You know I used to play pool a lot during med school."
Sam gave her an odd look as she picked up a cue.
"What? Med students can't play pool?"
"I never said that Janet, as I remember it, I used to be champion at this one bar I went to a lot as well in college."
"Oh champion, huh? Is that a challenge I hear Sam?"
"Maybe?" She replied as she racked up the game.
Their game went quickly, which Sam beat Janet considerably.
"Play again?" Janet asked smiling, another thing Sam was good at.
"Sure thing, and maybe I will let you win this time." Sam said smiling.
About half way through the third game when Sam was bent over, Janet looked up and over to the front door. She noticed a few people coming in, and immediately recognized them and stiffened.
Sam looked at her as she stood back up, "It's your tu." She began to tell her friend, but noticed her attention was elsewhere. "Janet?" She said turning around.
"I am sorry Sam, let's just try to enjoy our night, okay? They probably didn't even notice us." Janet said as she came to stand in front of Sam's line of vision.
"Yeah, okay." She replied sadly.
"We can leave, Sam."
"No," She began and shook her head, "No, I am not going to let him ruin my nights. I am tired of running."
"Okay," Janet told her as she rests a hand on her shoulder. "Come on, I'll let ya win this time."
"I already am winning, Janet." Sam said smiling, but not as brightly as before.
***
"Jack, look, we can leave if you want?" Daniel told him as he took a seat next to him at the bar.
"Why, Danny?" He said seemly clueless about the company that was also at the bar.
"Because, Jack. Didn't you realize who is here?"
"No," Jack said as he peered around Daniel and looked around the pub. "Oh, well."
"Do you want to stay?"
"Why wouldn't I? I mean, it's not like she wants anything to do with me anyway?"
"Jack, you are her CO. She is going to have to talk to you sometime."
"It's not the same, Danny."
"No. No it's not." He paused and ordered two beers for them both. "Maybe you should talk to her, Jack."
"No."
"Jack. Sam was, still is, hurt. You said or didn't say a lot of things that should have been said."
"Danny, please."
"I am friends with you both. I hate being caught in the middle."
"Did she talk to you?"
"No, but I am friends with Janet as well, and as you can tell, the two of them have practically been unseperatable since all of this began."
"What's going on with you and the Doc, Danny?"
"Don't change the subject, Jack."
They spoke quietly for a while. Jack kept glancing over at Sam every now and then, watching her play pool and successfully beat Janet fair and square every time, and he smiled.
A few moments later, Janet came up to stand next to Daniel. "So, what made you two decide to come to this place tonight instead of all the other cheesy places you two go to?"
"It was his idea." Jack said as he pointed to Daniel, and went back to his drink.
"How are you, Janet?" Daniel asked as he turned his full attention to Janet.
"I am good. What are you doing tonight, other then babysitting Jack?"
"Nothing, really. Just wanted to take him out. He was beginning to drive me nuts pacing around my quarters on base."
"Same here. Sam has really been down. I am starting to get really worried about her."
"Me too."
"I wanted to tell you, the other day when you and Jack where in the cafeteria, I over heard part of your conservation." Janet paused and looked at Daniel for a reaction. "I didn't mean to, Daniel, I am sorry."
"It's okay, Janet."
"Do you think that they will forgive one another and move on?" Janet asked as she noticed the bartender walk over and ask her what she wanted.
"Two beers." She replied and turned her attention back to Daniel.
"I hope so."
"Me too. I better go, I'll see you later." She said as she took her beers and got up.
"Bye, Janet."
"Bye."
"See ya, Doc." Jack said.
"Well, what did she want?" Jack asked when Janet was out of ear shot.
"She was getting two beers, and she is concerned about Sam and yourself."
"Ah! What are friends for?" He said rather angrily.
"Jack, stop. You know that's not how I meant it."
"Yes it is, Danny, and you know it."
"Okay, enough for you tonight, buddy." Daniel said as he took the drink from his hands and gave it to the bartender and asked for a large coffee.
"So ,you want me to be a wide awake drunk?"
"No, I don't want you acting like this Jack. This was a bad idea." He said as he motioned to the bar.
"No, it wasn't Danny, at least I get to be in her company." Jack finished as he pointed towards Sam. He then turned in his seat to face the rest of the pub and watch Sam before continuing. "You know what, Danny? I am not sure why she is so mad anyway. I mean, she would have done what she did for anyone else on the base, and as for the whole Laira issue, it's none of her business anyway. So what should she care?"
Daniel knew exactly where this was going, and he had to stop it, if at all possible.
"Jack, look, this isn't the time or place to play truth or dare with Sam. Come on, let's go."
"No! I have to settle this." Jack said as he stomped up and over to Sam.
Janet looked up over Sam's shoulder and rested her cue against the table as Sam shot and sunk the ball. As she moved to shoot again, Sam never noticed Jack advancing on them.
When jack reached them, he looked over at Sam who was leaning against the table. He watched her every move with admiration, and Janet noticed. There was still something there, some emotion anyway, for Sam.
When Sam shot, and then stood up, she looked right into Jack's eyes. She immediately clamed up and took a few steps backwards.
"Sir, what are you doing here?" She asked, and turned to glance over at Janet who had moved to stand next to her.
"I am enjoying my down time Major. What about you?"
"Jack, come on." Daniel said from behind him.
"Same here, Sir. What can I do for you?" She asked coldly.
"Well, Major, I wanted to speak to you about what happened on our last, well. mission."
Sam looked away for a moment and over to Janet. She was dreading this, especially now, here.
"What is it, Sir?"
"I just wanted to tell you, the work you did to bring me back to base was commendable." He paused choosing his words carefully, well as carefully as he could anyway.
Sam watched him, and knew there was more coming so she kept quiet.
"And to let you know whatever happened between Laira and myself during that time, is personal, it doesn't concern you. In the future, Major, please don't let it interfere with your job."
Sam watched him, close to tears. She couldn't believe that he would say anything so cold to her in her life. This isn't happening, Sam kept repeating over and over in her head.
"Yes Sir." She managed to whisper out before turning around and making her retreat to the ladies room. Janet stood there staring at Jack, not believing what he had just said to Sam.
"Sir, I just want to let you know, that the work the Major did to rescue you from that planet, it was more than commendable, Sir. She worked her butt off, and I think you owe her an apology and a thank you, at least, even if you don't respect or care for her anymore." Janet practically yelled at him before she took off after Sam.
He was going to respond to her, but she was already gone, so Jack turned back to face Daniel, who just stood there in shock.
"What?" Jack asked as he went back to his seat at the bar.
Daniel followed him, "I can't believe you said that to her, Jack. What were you thinking?"
"It's none of her business, Danny. And ,it was her job, her duty, to find a way to bring me back. That's what we pay her for." He said in a cold tone.
"Yes, Jack, it is her business. Do you have any clue how much she cares for you, how much she lo." Daniel stopped unsure how to approach the subject or even if he should. "Look, Jack, I am not you, but what you just said to Sam, it hurt her, a lot. It hurt me, we are all friends."
"I think it's time to go home, Danny." Was all he said as he paid for his tab and walked out the front door.
***
"Sam?" Janet called as she walked through the bathroom door.
"Sam?" She called again. That's when she heard something come from one of the stalls behind her.
"Hey," Janet said as she pushed open the door and looked in. "It's okay, Sam. Come on, let me bring you home." She said as she wrapped her arms around her to give her a hug.
"Yeah."
"Are you going to be alright?"
Sam didn't answer her.
They made it out to Janet's car and about half way back to Sam's house before a word was spoken.
"You know, Janet, after everything, I thought that we would still be friends, that things might return to normal after a while. That he might still have.feelings."
"I know. Sam, he was drunk."
"That's not an excuse, Janet." Sam looked at her friend for a moment. "You know it was almost better when he was on that damn planet."
"Why?"
"Because then at least I had the illusion that everything was going to be okay." Sam finished as she got out of Janet's car and went into her house, alone.
Janet watched her retreat into the house before she closed her eyes. 'Damn you, Jack.' She said before she drove towards his place. She was going to try and talk some sense into him, if it was the last thing she was going to do.
When she pulled up to his house, she noted that the lights where off except for the back bedroom, and that Daniel's car wasn't anywhere in sight. 'Good.' Janet said to herself as she turned off her car and stepped out.
As she knocked on his door, she was afraid that he had come home and passed out on the couch or in the bedroom. She wondered why she was here, and remembered Sam's face as they drove home. She was why she was here.
So, Janet knocked again, and again, before she heard a muffled voice come from the other side of the door.
"I am coming! Hold your horses!"
When the door opened Jack just stood there, "What are you doing here?"
Janet pushed her way through the front door and into his living room before speaking. "I wanted to talk to you."
"About?" Jack replied as he rubbed his eyes, trying to get rid of the sleep that had built up in them.
Janet stood there in the middle of his living room with her hands on her hips, obviously mad at the person in front of her, who was acting like nothing happened earlier that night.
"Oh! Come on Jack. Please don't pull that with me." She started to pace, "What the hell where you thinking when you said what you did to Sam? Do you have any idea how much you hurt her?"
"Please, Doc. There is nothing between Carter and myself, and obviously there never will be."
"And whose fault is that!?!? I am sure you know all the facts already Jack! So there is no sense in telling you all over again."
"That's right. I know how she worked so hard to get me back here, how dedicated she is. I know that already, Doc."
"I have a question for you, Jack. What are your feelings for Sam?"
"As I said back at Flannigans, Doc, there is nothing personal between Major Carter and myself."
"Well, that's too bad,Sir, because you just threw away possibly the best thing that could have happened to you. Do you know how much she loves you, Sir?"
"So you are telling me that.she.is the most important 'thing' that has happened 'my' life? Well I happen to think you are wrong, Doc."
"Oh and why is that?"
"Because in my opinion, Laira is the most important thing that happened to me."
"Oh, really? I am curious now. Care to explain, Sir?"
"She took me in, when I needed someplace, she cared for me and helped me in more ways than one."
"So, what are you telling me? That a woman who comes into your life after one day, gives you a roof over your head, and food on your plate, and who apparently you had sex with, then let you go right out of her life forever, is the most important person in your life."
"Yeah."
"Okay, well can I describe someone to you?"
"Ah I guess so, Doc. Go ahead and enlighten me." He said coldly.
"Okay." She said, adjusting herself on the couch and looking right at Jack. "So,what you are telling me is that a person who respects you, who has saved your butt on countless times, who intellectually
is the most challenging person I know. Jack, she couldn't just leave you anywhere, she cares to much."
"Okay. I am going to possibly ask the worlds most stupid question here. but how do you know? How can you be so certain?"
"You are right, Jack. That is the most stupid question I have heard. If you can't see it for yourself, then maybe there is something wrong with your eyesight."
"Come on Doc, give this old man some hints here." He said resting his head in his hands and sighing. He was finally starting to wind down and relax.
"She practically worked herself into the infirmary when you were gone. I thought she was truly going to be sick during that whole ordeal. But there is much more than just that mission,Jack, you should know that by now." She stopped and closed her eyes as if in thought for a moment, as she reached out and lay her hand on his she continued, "Okay who do you spend all your down time with, Jack? Even when we get together as a group, who is it that you always end up sitting next to, cooking with, hanging out with?"
"I think I get where you are going with this, Doc."
"Good, because it's getting late and I have a early morning tomorrow."
"Doc?"
"Yeah." Janet turned around as she was almost at the door.
"Thanks."
***
Sam had gotten home and took her shoes off and went immediately into a long bath. Even at the late hour she was so high strung, that this was the only way to relax. After her bath, she dressed in her favorite pajamas and went to sit in her bed with her favorite book. But, reading was the last thing that was on her mind.
Slamming the book shut for the third time, she finally sat it on her nightstand, and leaned her head back and closed her eyes.
'Why me?' She asked to no one unparticular.
She sat there for a while, eyes closed, and leaning against her pillows. Slowly, Sam drifted off to a light sleep, when a knocking sound invaded her dreams and became more persistent. Frowning she climbed out of bed and headed towards the front door.
As she got to the door, the knocking stopped, and she thought that maybe she had been dreaming, so Sam started to turn back towards her room when she heard something outside the door.
Her senses kicking in, Sam was alert in a matter of two seconds. Someone was outside her door after midnight. With a nervous hand she reached out and opened the door. Except what she found was not a cat burglar waiting for the right moment to break in and steal her blind, it was a very unhappy and confused Jack O'Neill, who was not sitting with his back towards her on the steps.
Sam's frown returned. She didn't really want to deal with him right now. Or what was left of the relationship they had. But,it looked like she didn't have a choice in the matter. So, she gathered up what courage she had and started to make her way to him.
Jack didn't hear her approach, but he jumped when Sam lay a hand on his shoulder to get his attention.
"Sir, what are you doing here?" Sam asked in a neutral tone.
He didn't say anything to her, or even look at her, Jack just shook his head.
"Well if you don't know, Sir, then how can I help you?" Sam said moving to retreat back into the house.
He reached up for her hand to stop her. Sam looked down and watched him intertwine his fingers with hers.
"Sir," She said carefully, "Its late and I am cold, if you want to say something come inside if not."
Sam didn't have to finish Jack stood up and followed her inside. She went into the kitchen for a glass of water, and a place where she could spy him, without too much trouble.
Sam noted that he looked lost, ashamed. 'Good', she thought, not necessarily weak, but something like it was defiantly present in his features. Jack took a seat right on the couch, which worried her a bit, he usually paced when he felt this way. Sam did not know how to confront this side of him, and it made her nervous.
Deciding it was time to go back into her living room, she carefully made her way over to him and set a glass of water down in front of him before taking a seat next to him on the couch.
"First, I want to say, I know I don't do this as often as I should sometimes, and. well what I am trying to say is that," He paused and looked over at Sam, who kept silent, "I am sorry, for everything."
She looked down at her hands for a moment and closed her eyes, "I know, Sir."
At the mention of the word 'Sir', his eyes became fixed on her like magnets, it was like everything was all business, and that is not how he wanted this to go. "Sam." he whispered, "This has nothing to do with work, or the SGC."
"Then what is this about?" She quietly asked.
"Us, you and me, the personal end of things."
"I didn't think we had a 'personal end of things", Sir."
"Oh cut it out, Carter, with the Sir bit,okay." Sam nodded and he continued on, "I know everything that happened with Laira was going to come out sometime, and what you thought happened, I am not going to lie, did."
She stiffened, tears forming. "I don't want to know. Please stop." Came the whispered plea.
"No, Sam. I want you to know."
"No. I don't want to know, Jack." Sam looked at him, anger coming back again. "You think I want to sit here and have you tell me that you had sex with her. How good it was and how you didn't want to come home to us, to me." She trailed off, knowing what she just admitted, so she stood up and walked towards her window in the living room.
He watched her move, 'she is so beautiful', he thought to himself. When Sam stopped walking and wrapped her arms around her middle as she stared off into the night, Jack silently stood and carefully made his way over to her.
Noting her appearance when he stood in front of her, her tears, her sad lonely expression, all Jack wanted to do was take her in his arms and hold her. But things needed to be said first. But he only took refuge in gently wiping away her tears with his thumb and cupping her cheek.
"Please don't, Sam." He plead.
"How can I not, Jack, when the one person who I cared for most, who was my best friend, who I thought was." Sam stopped and looked right at him, so that he would know the full impact of her words, "Choose someone else over me?"
"I didn't choose anyone, Sam, at the time you weren't there. I was settling."
"You should have known I would find a way to get you home, Jack. When have I ever let you down?"
"Never."
"That's right." She paused, "It may have taken me a bit longer this time, but I never stopped, not once."
"I know you didn't."
"And it felt like it was all a waste of time. I heard you tell her that you didn't want to come back. I heard you ask her to come with you."
"Never once did I stop thinking about you, Sam."
"Don't lie, Jack."
He looked down at the floor for a moment, "I didn't think I would ever make it back, Sam. I can't tell you how sorry."
"Stop apologizing." She said, "It's getting annoying."
They both were silent for a few moments, and Sam turned her attention back to the window. With the moonlight coming in and reflecting off Sam's features, Jack couldn't help himself when he left a finger trace the outline of her jaw and come to rest at her lips. Sam closed her eyes at the sensation and leaned into his touch. Jack moved to cup her cheek, and lean in.
"You are so beautiful, I am so sorry I hurt you the way I did."
Sam looked him in the eyes, "Who were you settling for?" She whispered.
"You and only you." He said as he leaned in and kissed her in the moonlight, slowly moving his hands up her arms, sending chills through Sam. When he noticed her brought her into his warmth.
Her own hands were holding on to him for all her worth, there was no way she was going to let him go again. Not this time.
***
Does there need to be more? Feedback?
EMAIL: KrisCatherine@yahoo.com
Story Notes: Email: KrisCatherine@Stargatesg-1.com
Spoilers: A Hundred Days
Authors Notes: This is my first story, so be kind :o)
Special Thanks to AQ for betaing this for me
I hope i remembered everything that is supposed to go into this disclaimer thing and the sunject line.. If not forgive me.
Spoilers: A Hundred Days
Authors Notes: This is my first story, so be kind :o)
Special Thanks to AQ for betaing this for me
I hope i remembered everything that is supposed to go into this disclaimer thing and the sunject line.. If not forgive me.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]