Sam was sitting at the bench that dissected the lab when he walked through the door. As she rose to greet the Colonel in standard military fashion she could sense that he was preoccupied.
"Carter."
"Sir, I'm glad you're here, I wanted to show you something I've been working on." He sauntered over to where she was working and looked down at her scribbled notes.
As she began to explain the logic behind her theories he moved closer. So close that she could feel his body heat. Her mind drifted and she faulted in mid-sentence. He turned his head in question, bringing his face a mere inch from her own. It took only a second before she could see a surprised awareness in his eyes. Helplessly, she sat frozen as his gaze lowered to her mouth as hers was to his.
She knew with complete certainty that there must have been sparks arcing between them, the energy, the tension was so apparent. She held her breath as he lowered his head towards hers.
Although she'd never admitted it to herself before, she had thought of this moment countless times. Dreams and fantasies in which a paramour was always faceless despite the fact that she knew his identity. She had never admitted it to herself, and the idea now scared the hell out of her. She couldn't do this. This wasn't allowed to happen, there were things that forbade it.
"This is wrong." At her whispered words his gaze shifted from her lips to her eyes in surprise, which he tried to valiantly cover.
"Yes…Major…" His use of her rank helped to clear her brain of its suffocating fog and she pulled back as if she had been burned. She wasn't ready for this and neither was he.
How many times had she heard him make comments reminding people of regulations and rules? Being a military man for most of his life had ground this into him. She thought it was an excuse for him as well as for herself. He was afraid to get close to her, of feeling something so powerful, something like he'd had with Sarah, of what people would think and how they'd react. She then dismissed part of that thought. It would never be what he'd had with Sarah. Despite his actions to prove otherwise he'd shown on numerous occasions that Sarah had been everything to him. She believed that one of the reasons he loved her so much was because she wasn't military. He could forget that part of his life when he came home to her, she was his normality. She felt she could never be that.
Sam couldn't believe what she'd been thinking. Why was she even trying to analysis actions and emotions here? There should be no contemplating this, she loved her job and she wouldn't ever let a relationship drive her from the Stargate program, no matter how potentially wonderful it could be.
Jack had moved away to the opposite side of the bench looking down at the floor for a few moments, giving her enough time to at least give the outwards appearance of regained composure. His eyes met hers uncertainly and then he seemed to give himself a mental shake.
"Carter…" She didn't say anything, not sure that her voice wouldn't betray her tumultuous feelings. "I, uh…I need your analysis of the MALP report on P3X-978 ASAP." He looked as if he was going to say something else but instead he turned and walked briskly out the door.
Sam hadn't realised how weak her legs had become until she sat down and relieved them of the pressure of standing, sighing shakily. Part of her was mentally kicking her butt around the room while another part was trying to suppress the feelings that crowded in. She felt claustrophobic and in need of some fresh air.
*****
Due to the depth of the Stargate program's laboratories far below the surface of Cheyenne Mountain it took her several minutes until she was able to breathe that fresh air. After being topside for a good ten minutes she still didn't feel calmed but rather she felt skittish. She looked around her, sure that people were watching, witnessing her emotional state. She needed to do something physical. Something that would satisfy her not only mentally, as working in the lab was bound to do, but physically also. It was nervous energy that she had to burn.
Knowing that she couldn't leave the base without alerting anyone and therefore causing a considerable amount of suspicion the Major headed back down to the SG levels under NORAD to a room that had been designated as a sort of gym. Actually it was nothing more than a punching bag, a gym mat and a Perfect Form machine that one saw so often advertised on late night infomercials. It was enough to suffice her needs.
She spent half an hour working through self-defence moves on the mat and on the punching bag and was dripping with perspiration and feeling a contented ache that comes from a hard workout when a voice startled her.
"Sam? Did you forget the tests I wanted to run on you today?" Doctor Janet Fraiser's face was contorted in a slight frown.
"Janet, you scared me."
"You were attacking that bag so ferociously it's a wonder you haven't sent it crashing through the wall on the opposite side of the room."
"Sorry, I uh, just needed a little exercise. Even I can get a bit stir crazy locked up in the lab for a while."
She didn't buy it. Janet, as well as anyone, knew that at times Sam would have to be dragged from the lab because she was so involved with her work. It was so fascinating and challenging to her that she tended to forget about life in the real world.
"Are you still up to taking those tests now? I'd like to have the results back by Wednesday so I can put in less time over the weekend."
"Sure, just let me have a quick shower and change first and I'll be down. Give me fifteen minutes." Sam could feel Janet's gaze bore into her back as she left the room. Whatever her speculations as to her behaviour she didn't voice them.
Forty minutes later Sam winced as the good doctor found a vein in her arm for an IV and punctured it. Not normally so sensitive at such a procedure Janet gave her a compassionate look.
"Sorry. I forgot to mention that your epidermis was going to be a little sensitive for a while after the tests."
"Anything else you've forgotten to mention?" Sam asked with a wry grin.
"You'll probably experience a few muscle cramps and maybe a headache within the next couple of hours but after that you'll be as right as rain. The IV is because you seem to be a bit over dehydrated. Did you bother to drink any water after that work-out?"
"I didn't feel I needed it." Janet gave her a look of pure disbelief and shook her head.
"So who were you punching the Hell out of?"
"Who?"
"Who. Did the Colonel say something to you earlier? He seems to be like a bear with a sore head today, I was considering giving him a tranquiliser just to give the rest of us a chance to breathe," she joked.
Sam felt uneasy all of a sudden, Janet wasn't the type to hint around. She was confident and unafraid to speak her mind as she had a sneaky suspicion she was about to. She didn't disappoint.
"You know the ramifications of it don't you? It's a serious problem."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Sam, you have an IQ that surpasses everyone on this entire base put together so please don't insult my intelligence, you know what I'm talking about."
"I've told you before, Janet, there is no problem."
"Both you and I know from personal experience that getting involved with a military man is not worth it. They won't stand for it no matter who you are. You'd be jeopardising your career and his for what? True love?" It was said with obvious scorn and contempt. Sam did *not* want a lecture from her. She could feel herself getting angry.
"Janet, there is nothing happening, nothing will happen, nothing is ever *going* to happen. I can't explain it any clearer to you."
Sam's words didn't offend her as she had already suspected they wouldn't. Janet's hide was too tough and her confidence too unwavering to let her comments throw her off. Once she had an idea in her head it would take nothing less than a concussion to persuade her of other alternatives. The fact that she had been married to a man who looked upon the military as no place for a woman had hiked up her defences.
Raising a hand, Sam massaged the bridge of her nose. That headache Janet had mentioned was about to hit with full force.
"Have you got an aspirin or something, I feel like someone's attacking my head with a sledge-hammer." Janet recognised the diversion tactic for what it was but must have decided to let sleeping dogs lie for the moment. "I'll be right back."
Sam lay in the infirmary, her body idle her mind tempestuous. She tried at first to just suppress the feelings and the thoughts that she had done previous to this day. It didn't work, so instead she took the bull by the horns and in the way she had approached many a scientific problem she lay it all out before her and tried to analyse it. It didn't help her disposition any when she realised that her feelings towards the Colonel, although mixed, were essentially dangerous and had been so for some time. She'd bottled them up for so long that they now refused to be ignored and she was angry with herself. She had a career that she loved with no wish to jeopardise it. She had been in a relationship before with a military man and had thought she'd handled it quite well when it came to keeping the professionalism intact. Thinking about her ex-fiancé Capt. Jonas Hanson, she recalled a comment that she once made to Daniel.
//"I guess I've always had a soft spot for the lunatic fringe."//
She'd fallen in the same trap again. Although Sam could categorise many of his actions as such, she could never accuse Jack of being a lunatic. What the hell was she supposed to do now? What could she do, there were no options here. She knew he would never trust her to fully keep her objectivity anyway. He'd said as much in the past…
//"Look, Captain. Either we're bringing him back to face a court-martial or not. I think we both know what the not means." "I know him, Colonel." "Now, that would be the problem wouldn't it?"//
No matter what she said he had never believed her and this opinion of her did not inspire confidence for any relationship.
What relationship? She was determined to take every precaution to not let it happen, there was too much at stake. What she didn't realise was that regardless of any precautions you plan there is always an element of danger.
***
The next few days were a little awkward but if anyone noticed nothing was said. As always, Jack covered his discomfit (if any) with sarcasm and orders. Sam, on the other hand, threw herself back into her work with an almost religious fervour. Janet had not mentioned her suspicions further although Sam knew she was burning to warn her again from doing something stupid. She didn't ever plan to.
About two weeks later everything had settled enough for Sam and Jack not to force the camaraderie between them, the incident seemed to be forgotten. The catalyst was an off-world mission of basic reconnaissance expected to last two days. By the time Sam had stepped through the event horizon Daniel had already found a stone obelisk depicting some sort of sadistic ceremony. He was talking ten to the dozen about the find, as was his modus operandi. It took a few hours until he had managed to decipher a small portion that mentioned a religious site hidden in the depths of a cavern. Daniel thought that if they could find it, it would be a tremendous discovery and a very important archaeological find. By this time Sam had collected the majority of her geological samples, so while the Colonel and Teal'c were setting up perimeter alarms for their camp, Sam told Daniel she would do some exploring for the cave. He dismissed her with a wave of his hand and muttered something about being careful before turning back to his interpretations of the monument.
The sun was low in the sky as Sam set off in a westerly direction along a natural path that was overgrown with shrubs and mossy ground cover. Almost a hundred metres off to her right rose the vertical stone wall of a plateau extending for what must have been ten miles or more. The setting sun cast shadows turning the colour of the rock a deep purple-brown and suddenly curious to what it would feel like under her palm she stepped off the path and headed for it.
The sheer verticality and height of the tableland felt ominous to her, although why that was so she couldn't say. She hadn't yet taken samples of this formation but she suspected somehow that the rock was not like anything that she had previously collected. As she lifted a hand and ran it lightly down the rock she was surprised to find it mossy and wet, an unusual characteristic she hadn't expected. In fact a small rivulet of water trickled from a crevice and followed the wall's contours to the ground.
Curious as to the source Sam moved forward and met dense shrubbery growing against the wall. A gut instinct made her grab a firm grip and tear it away. Before her lay a dark entrance to a cave. Her pulse rate increased with excitement, this had to be the cave that Daniel had mentioned. Cautiously she inched her way in and was surprised at the sudden drop in temperature she could feel. It raised small goosebumps on her flesh and she shivered instinctively.
Taking her torch from her belt, Sam flicked it on illuminating the passage, and instantly yelped in fright. Staring back at her was the stone face of huge cat-like animal with a serpent's body and large talons for feet, perching as if ready to pounce. She swore lightly as she realised that it wasn't alive and then let her curiosity and excitement get the better of her. It really was a remarkable piece of sculpting. It must have taken weeks or even months to carve.
Many minutes had passed before she realised that she could hear the gentle sound of lapping water. Reluctantly promising herself to return to the sculpture she stepped further through the passage to search for it. The first she knew of it was when the beam of her flashlight glittered off the rippling surface and she had stepped straight into the coldness up to her thighs. She gasped at the cold and cursed her bad fortune. A second later a sharp sparking flashed against her waist and she realised that she had just short-circuited her radio. Removing it from her belt she sat it on the bank behind her and turned to flash her light back down the tunnel to see how far the water ran, but the beam was swallowed by the darkness. Knowing she should have turned back then and there didn't stop her from wading forward.
"Carter, where the Hell are you?"
***
Sam was so startled by the deep, male voice coming from out of nowhere, that she staggered and lost her balance, tumbling backward with a startled cry. She sputtered and flailed, trying to right herself when she felt a hand at her back, lifting her. Using the Colonel's arm for support she regained her balance and ruefully looked down at her sopping clothes. She'd dropped her torch under the water and the darkness of the cave meant that she couldn't really see them, but she could feel every inch of material plastered to her body, as was her hair.
"Are you okay?" He was so near that she could feel his thigh brushing her own. She sucked in a quick breath at the realisation and then coughed as the salt water tickled her throat.
"You scared--me--to death!" she rasped.
"I'm sorry." He grinned at her without an ounce of remorse. His wide shoulders and chest were pressed intimately against her also because his arm had settled around my shoulders; the lower portion of his body was masked at hip-level by rippling water.
"Sorry to startle you. Carter, what are you doing in here? And where's your torch and radio?" He removed his arm from around her shoulders and backed away slightly and Sam felt inexplicably bereft for some reason.
"My torch is somewhere under our feet and my radio is sitting back on the bank. It would've short-circuited if I'd brought it in the water." She wiped a strand of wet hair back off her forehead. "Daniel's translation of the tomb mentioned a ceremonial site back here, I told him I'd check it out. He knew where I was."
"Well I didn't. For cryin' out loud Carter, what the Hell did you think you were trying to pull? You know to always notify me before setting off on your own little exploration! Daniel is not the leader of this team! Now get outta here before I carry you out!" He turned to precede her and as she made to follow her feet slipped again on the sandy bottom. Jack pivoted at the gasp and splash and became worried when Sam didn't resurface after several seconds.
"Carter?… Carter, where the Hell are you?" Cursing he dived under the water and waved his hands around in an effort to find her in the almost pitch-blackness. The need for air drew him up to the surface where he gasped and looked around for his 2IC. He couldn't see her anywhere. He dived again and swam forward several metres, feeling the pull of the current increase around him. Suddenly he could feel himself being dragged and despite his frantic efforts he couldn't resurface. Realising the predicament he'd gotten himself into he knew the best option was for him to relax and let the current take him where it would, hoping that at some time he could gasp some air for his burning lungs.
A pressure radiated through his body at the lack of oxygen and just as he thought he would lose consciousness he was swept to the side and deposited into shallower waters. Here the current enabled him to drag his body onto a sandy bank.
Gasping loudly for much needed air it took him several moments to realise that the same fate to befall him had also probably happened to Sam. Forcing himself to his feet he called her name but got no answer. There was practically no light here so he literally tripped over her body before he saw it. Kneeling next to her he checked her pulse and breathed a sigh of relief to find it beating rapidly but weakly.
"Carter… Carter, come on wake up…" He ran his hands gently over her body to discern if she had gained any more injuries but found nothing obvious. Slapping her face lightly he kept talking in an effort to wake her.
"Sam, get your sorry butt up now, that's an order!" Sam coughed harshly, bringing up water from her lungs. Jack was still lightly slapping her face and she raised her hand to brush his away.
"Wh—what happened?" she spluttered.
"We got caught by the current. More importantly is how we're going to get outta here." Sitting up, Sam looked around her. They were on a narrow bank of sand about six metres long. Her breathing rate increased as a stifling feeling of claustrophobia threatened to overwhelm her when she realised their predicament.
Jack caught the change and placed his hand on her shoulder. "We are gonna get out of here, Carter."
"Yes… yes, Sir." She watched him unzip his jacket and miraculously pull out his two-way radio. At first attempt to raise Daniel or Teal'c there was nothing but static. Swearing under his breath he tried again and on the fourth attempt was rewarded with the sound of Teal'c's stoic voice.
Quickly he explained the situation and bade Teal'c to send through the inflatable boat which they'd packed aboard F.R.E.D. in order to explore the island in the lagoon, attached to a rope. First he would need to go back through the Gate to SG Command in order to get a few more bodies. If that current was as fast as he thought it was they were going to need more than Daniel and Teal'c to pull them out.
"Carter, when we get outta here, if not before, I'm gonna wring your scrawny little neck," Jack promised threateningly.
"Yes, Sir." Sam was glad that he couldn't see the embarrassed blush that suffused her face. She wrapped her arms around herself trying to dispel her shivering. She jumped in surprise when she felt Jack's arms circle around her, pulling her back against his body.
"We're probably gonna be here a while and we need to stay as warm as we can," he explained. A brief surge of heat hurtled through her at the intimacy but she forced herself to relax against him.
Jack meanwhile was debating the lucidity of his decision. The recent incident between them had not been a true indication of how strong his feelings were for his 2IC. He absently rubbed his hands up and down her arms trying to warm her up.
At Jack's touch Sam felt an unexpected feeling of longing sweep through her, a longing for something she'd claimed not to need, not to want. She groaned to herself for her bad timing. This was not the time or the place. She'd been through all this before, the wisdom of getting involved with her Commanding Officer. It was professional suicide.
"What was that for? Carter, are you hurt? I didn't notice anything before—" he abruptly cut himself off at what he was about to say and Sam mentally kicked herself as she realised she had groaned out loud. And what had he been about to say? He didn't notice anything before, what?
She twisted sideways in his embrace to instinctively ask him what he had meant, and then realised that it wasn't the wisest thing to have done. Her gaze locked on to the tanned column of his throat and slowly moved upwards to rest on his lips, their close proximity meaning she could see through the gloom.
Jack shifted uncomfortably as he registered the full, throbbing ache of his desire, brought on by the friction of Sam's body against his own as she moved. The look on her face when she faced him was full of desire. He raised a hand to gently cup her cheek and she looked up into his eyes as if she had just woken from a dream.
Years of military and black ops training had taught him nothing about self-control. He watched with fascination as her eyes widened and deepened to a beautiful indigo and he felt the warm flush cascade over her cheeks. Nothing could prevent him from lowering his head and sensually capturing her lips with his own.
"Sam…" he breathed softly against her mouth as his kiss deepened, his lips and tongue seducing her with such passion that she was trembling. When they moved apart it was only for an instant to gasp the air they so desperately needed. She twined an arm around him to pull him closer even though he had her crushed against him.
Eventually, with a tortured groan and a mammoth amount of restraint, Jack pulled away. Sam looked up at him in surprise, then dismay as she realised what they had just done. She had just broken every rule, every precaution that she had set herself. She closed her eyes, trying to regain some of her composure. Her lips felt swollen and throbbing from the intensity of their kissing and her heart was pounding like she'd sprinted ten miles.
The absent rubbing of his thumb back and forth across her cheekbone reminded her that he was still there and she opened her eyes unaware that all her desire was still blazing there amidst the distress.
Jack tried to block the feeling of regret that blossomed inside him. A muscle twitched in his jaw. "Don't look at me like that," he said tightly. "I'm just a man, Sam. I'm not made of stone. If we don't stop now, I won't be able to. Don't you understand that?"
Sam pulled out of his embrace and got to her feet. "This was a mistake."
"Sam, that's not—"
"Jesus, I went through everything, weighed it all out, and what do I do? Throw it to the winds, it's pathetic." She turned to face him. "I'm not losing my job over this, Colonel. I've worked too hard to—"
"Sam, for God's sake will you listen?" He stood up beside her, placing his hands on her shoulders, forcing her to look at him. "You are *not* going to lose your job, but I'll be damned if I'll call it a mistake! You know full well that this isn't going to go away." His tone softened. "Every time I see you I feel like hauling you into my arms and kissing you, I can't explain it and I sure as hell didn't expect it to happen but it did, and not for one moment do I believe that you are totally immune to this."
***
She blinked in disbelief. "You're not making any sense. You're the one always preaching the regulations in everyone's face whenever someone mentions a relationship between us – alternate reality or not. You know this could ruin our careers."
"Don't you think I haven't analysed this to death as well? I've been trying to make sense of it, consider all the consequences, but it hasn't helped and however you want to handle this, secret or not, neither of us are walking away from it."
"You can't say that."
"I just did."
"You expect me to believe that you feel that strongly for me? Jack, not two months ago you were stranded on Edora. You weren't happy to be coming home, at least not alone, and I was certainly not the person you most wanted to see."
"You're angry because I didn't say thank you?" The use of his first name was not wasted on him.
"No! No, of course not, the point is, neither of us is good for the other and despite what you say, if anyone found out about this our careers are down the toilet. I'm not ready to retire yet."
"It hasn't worked for me either." Sam turned from him in exasperation.
"Sir, I am not going to argue with you."
"Sir? A second ago it was Jack."
"My apologies, I didn't mean to so informally address a commanding officer, Colonel."
"For cryin' out loud, this is not finished! Don't pull that crap. You think that we can't have a relationship and still keep work separate?"
"It wouldn't happen, and you don't want that."
"How do you know what I want?"
"It was why you loved Sarah so much wasn't it? Because she wasn't military. No matter how successfully we could carry on at work we'd be bringing it home."
"Why are you throwing women from my past back in my face? Yes, I liked the fact that I could forget about work, but the work was horrendous and when I wanted to tell her I couldn't, she would never have understood. And why am I even defending myself to you?"
"Are you?"
"Yes! Because I'm trying to make you see sense! Yes, I loved Sarah, and yes I got involved with Lara, but neither of those relationships have anything to do with how I feel about you. Sarah was the period of my life before you and Lara was because I couldn't have you. Sam, do you realise what would've happened had I swept you into my arms on Edora as I'd wanted to? I had no reason to believe you would reciprocate, I couldn't very well do it in front of the rest of my team, and I could have ruined any chances of forming a treaty by antagonising Lara and her people." He ran a hand over his face in frustration.
"Sam…do you even realise how difficult it is for me to say any of this to you? You know I'm not one to talk about myself. Jesus, I couldn't even talk to Sarah after Charlie died."
Sam hesitated, she felt like she was banging her head against a brick wall. "What do you want from me?" she pleaded. He moved a step closer to her, and before she knew it he had her imprisoned in his arms again. She could feel their damp clothes pressing between them unpleasantly but she ignored it as she took in his scent and the warmth of his breath across her face.
"This-" he murmured as he cut off her protests with another hungry kiss. A tremor tore through her, from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. God, it felt good, but she couldn't give in.
"Sex? You want sex?" she queried breathlessly as she pulled away.
"God, yes."
"You want me to put my career on the line for sex?!?"
"Now that," he said firmly, "is a daft idea. If you think that's all I want from you, then you'd better think again."
"This is ridiculous."
"Sam?"
"Yes?"
"Shut up." He kissed her firmly again before saying, "I want you with me, in my life, in my house, in my bed. Do you think I would ask you to risk everything if I didn't love you? But what I ask for most is that you'll try one day to find it in your heart to love me almost as much as I love you," he finished gently.
"Y—You love me?" Sam couldn't believe that she'd heard right. Had her Commanding Officer just said that he loved her?
"Of course I do." There was a long stunned silence and then Sam hurled herself at him wrapping her arms around his neck and holding him as if she would never let him go.
"Oh God, this isn't happening to me. I don't deserve this."
"Sam?"
"I love you," she whispered in his ear. "Please, tell me I'm not dreaming."
He grinned. "I love you and there's nothing I want to do more than lay you down and make love to you right here, but I don't really fancy Teal'c as a witness."
"Teal'c?"
"Colonel O'Neill, Major Carter. It is good to see you safe and well." Sam jumped away from Jack guiltily and turned to see the Jaffa wading through the shallows, pulling the inflatable boat behind him.
"Hey, Teal'c. Impeccable timing as always. Problems getting through?" Jack asked.
"There are several localities where the roof of the cavern almost touches the water making it difficult to navigate this vessel. The darkness has also made it difficult to locate you. If I had not heard your voices I may not have done so."
"Well, here we are."
"That is so, O'Neill," said Teal'c in his characteristic monotone.
"After you, Carter." Jack held out his hand for her to proceed him.
"Yes, Sir."
-oOo-
Das Ende – Thanks for reading
Story Notes: Spoilers: "Cold Lazarus" and "A Hundred Days"
Archive: SJR, Heliopolis. Anyone is welcome to it if they so desire, just let me know :)
Feedback: Yes please!
Author's Notes: Big hugs and thanks to Sare who beta'd this for me.
Archive: SJR, Heliopolis. Anyone is welcome to it if they so desire, just let me know :)
Feedback: Yes please!
Author's Notes: Big hugs and thanks to Sare who beta'd this for me.
End Notes: **I've already had one request for a sequel, anyone else interested?**
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]