They said I should write all this down, they said it would help. I'm not so sure, but hey....I'll try anything once.
I'm going to start at the end.....well near the end. If it hadn't been for the ending I wouldn't be here now. I'd be face down in a gutter somewhere, probably with a knife in my gut. But that's not important. I'm here, I'm getting better and I have....more than I ever expected.
It's been two years. So why am I writing this now? Because I finally feel ready. I've reached a point in my life where I feel secure enough to look back and reflect....and try to figure out what went wrong. Yeah, its taken a long time to get here but, I wouldn't have taken another path.
On with the story, Jack and try not to get too introspective.
Sometimes you wake up knowing that your life is going to change....you just never realise how much.
*****
The damn phone was ringing. Jack buried his face in the pillow, hoping that it would go away....or that someone else would answer it.
"For cryin' out loud!" he muttered as he finally gave in.
"Sam?" the voice at the other end of the line questioned.
"Daniel...go away!" Jack hissed and slammed the phone down. What was that guy's problem? Couldn't he take a hint. It was still dark outside. Jack groaned when he realised that he'd only been asleep for the best part of an hour. all right, some of that was his fault but even so........Sam shifted in her sleep, sighing gently. Jack felt himself smile. God, she was beautiful. He couldn't believe that she was actually sleeping beside him. For the longest time her presence had just been a dream, he had never allowed himself to consider the reality. He rolled onto his side so he could watch her sleep. She had a small frown on her face, as if she was working on some complex problem. That didn't surprise him. Sam Carter was probably the only person he knew who could dream physics. She gave a little sigh and rolled over. Jack had never realised how much pleasure he could gain just from watching her.
"Hey," he whispered as her eyes fluttered open.
"Phone?" she questioned.
"Space monkey, I don't think he'll call back."
"Hungry."
"I'll call for pizza." Jack couldn't stop himself from laughing.
"What?" she challenged.
"You....this has to be the first time I've heard you reduced to one word sentences."
"Your fault."
He sniggered as he reached over to pick up the phone again, for which she gave him a well deserved dig in the ribs.
"Don't get chillies," she told him as she pulled the quilt more securely about them.
She dozed while he placed the order, only opening her eyes again as he flopped over onto his stomach.
"Holy Hannah!" she exclaimed, staring with horror at his naked back. Her fingers traced the livid scar that ran the length of his spine. She hadn't intended to demand explanations from him, but this....God the scar had to be ten inches long. "What did they do to you?" she continued.
Jack turned to look at her, something indescribable in the depths of his brown eyes, "Which 'they' are you talking about?" he asked, quietly. "This happened after I got back."
"What? Jack, you have to tell me, you have to tell me now!"
He reached for her, taking her face in his hands, "Look at you......you're smart, strong, beautiful.....what are you doin' with a loser like me?"
"Don't change the subject. Considering what happened, don't I have a right to know?"
Her fingers traced soothing patterns on his chest. He dropped a kiss onto her lips, "Yeah.....I guess you do. I'm tired, Samantha, I'm tired of hiding it all away."
Gently, he released her, swinging his legs around so that he could sit on the edge of the bed. This would be easier if he didn't actually look at her. He felt her move to sit behind him, her head resting on his shoulder, her arms about his waist. They sat that way for the longest time, while he tried to formulate the words in his mind.
"I don't think I really understood what was goin' on at first," he began, "but, there's nothin' unusual in that, right?"
For perhaps the first time, she didn't laugh at his joke.
"I wasn't in there alone. You have to know that much. I thought could handle it, and if I just sat tight I could survive....I was in prison before, during the Gulf War. Four months stuck in an Iraqui jail, you know why I made it?"
"Sara," Sam replied a little sadly. She tried to draw back a little, but Jack responded by pulling her arms more tightly about his body.
"Yeah. I could close my eyes and dream I was with her. Everything else was just a nightmare. This time.....whatever it didn't work. You concentrate on something you love and they use that against you. Give it long enough and you have nothing else to hope for. At the end I just wanted it over."
He was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell.
"That was quick," he muttered. "I'll get it."
Sam collapsed back onto the bed as he pulled on his pants and left the bedroom. 'Foiled by pizza delivery', she sighed to herself, listening to the low voices from the other room. It could only be a matter of time before he finally confided in her. Then they could start to heal.....together. She hugged his pillow and allowed herself a smile.
"Sam!" Jack's voice called out.
His tone verged on panic. She jumped up, pausing only to throw a shirt on. The living room seemed to be crowded with people; Daniel, Teal'c, General Hammond,....Maybourne.....What was he doing here?
"What the...? General?" she questioned, painfully aware of her state of undress. Jack had backed himself into a corner of the room. Trying to keep as much distance as he could between himself and his former comrades.
"Get them outta here!" Jack snapped.
"Son, you have to come back to the SGC....," Hammond began.
"No way in hell."
"We need you, Jack," Daniel added.
"Didn't you hear what I said!"
Sam moved to Jack's side, "I think you should all go," she pleaded. "I didn't know about this," she added, hoping that Jack believed her.
"Major Carter, step away from Colonel O'Neill," Hammond demanded. "That's an order," he continued, when she appeared to hesitate. "You are coming with us, Colonel. There is no choice. Now you can walk out of here or...."
"Maybe you should just listen, Jack," Sam said to him.
"No!" he snapped back.
"Teal'c," Hammond ordered.
Before the jaffa could move, Maybourne fired once and Jack crumpled to the ground. Sam dropped to her knees beside him, cradling his head in her lap.
"Why?" she asked Hammond.
"Get dressed, major," the general replied. "I'll explain when we get back to the SGC."
*****
Jack O'Neill woke up in a holding cell in the SGC. The room was larger than his cell on P3X767, but that didn't stop the claustrophobia which threatened to overwhelm him when he realised that he was locked in. He tried breathing exercises, soothing thoughts, and the meditation stuff that Teal'c did. After about fifteen minutes he lost the battle with his emotions. Completely and utterly lost it.
No one came to stop him as he systematically wrecked the room. They must have been watching on the security cameras, but he didn't care. What could they do? Better they let him hurt himself than other people. Some part of his brain acknowledged that he was bleeding, but he couldn't feel any pain. No pain. Just keep moving......keep hitting out until they stopped him, until they killed him.
Eventually, there was nothing left to destroy. Jack sank to his knees in the middle of the room, his sanity slowly returning. For a few minutes he had been back.......Now, it was quiet, so very quiet. Only then did he hear the door open and soft footsteps approach. His head snapped up as he tried to make out who had walked into the room. The figure was in silhouette. Why was it dark? Oh yeah...he had smashed the lights.
"It's me, Jack, it's Samantha," she called out to him.
She'd left the door open, but he could see guards in the corridor. A sensible precaution, considering. Sam dropped to her knees and reached out to hold him.
"No!" he told her.
"Jack?" she questioned.
"Get me out of here," he whispered. "Away from them."
Sam understood. He wouldn't left her comfort him while there were others watching. She took his hand and gently closed his fist over the gash that ran across his palm.
"You're hurt, sir. I'd better take you to the infirmary."
Helping him to his feet, she guided him towards the door. Two guards fell into step behind them.
"Major Carter!" Colonel Maybourne stood before them. "Who gave orders to release this man?"
"I'm taking him to the infirmary, sir."
"Negative. He's already proved himself highly dangerous. Get the medics to treat him in his cell."
"I don't think that's...."
"That is an order."
"With all due respect, Colonel Maybourne, get out of my way or I'll break your neck!"
"Do you understand the word insubordination, Major!"
"So court martial me....just don't come whining next time the Stargate gives you a problem."
She led O'Neill past Maybourne, totally ignoring his continued existence. Damn irritating man. Must have been him who ordered Jack locked up.....for his own safety. She didn't know why Hammond had gone along with it. They should have expected something like this. After all, Jack had never liked being locked up at the best of times. Now an extended period of incarceration would be enough to send him over the edge again. She glanced at him, panic was clear in his eyes. 'Just a little further, Jack,' she willed.
After Fraiser had patched Jack up, Sam took him to the VIP quarters.
"So, what happened?" he asked. "Last thing I remember was waking up after we.....um..."
"You got Zatted," Sam replied.
"Zatted? Did you just make that word up?"
Sam was seated on the table directly across from him, swinging her legs. She gave him a nervous smile.
"Any idea why they want me so badly?" he asked her.
"The Asgard have been in touch. They want to offer us something but they won't negotiate with anyone apart from you........This seems to be pretty important, sir."
"Jack, remember?"
Sam blushed a little, "Old habits."
She was keeping a discreet distance away from him now. Jack frowned to himself, 'OK so what changed here? ' he asked himself. Stupid question, the answer was everything. He wished they could jump through the Stargate and go back in time a couple of hours. Back to when she was asleep in his arms. It had been one of the most perfect feelings he had ever experienced.
"You are going to help them, aren't you, Jack?" she asked him, her blue eyes wide.
"I should let 'em rot," he replied.
"You don't mean that."
"No.....I don't..."
The admission surprised him, but he resolved that, next time, these people were going to have to find someone else to save the world. Sam smiled at him. There was more than a little relief in her expression. If he had said no.....but that hadn't happened. This was still Jack.....her Jack.
"So what now?" he asked.
"We wait for you to get zapped out or for them to zap in...or something."
"Zap in?"
"How would you describe it?"
"Come here," he told her, holding out his arms out. She slipped off the table and stepped into his embrace.
"You know we have an audience," she said, nodding towards the security camera.
"So.....they can give marks for technical merit and artistic interpretation."
She gave him the sweetest kiss, long, slow, passionate.
"Ten out of ten," he whispered.
"I was aiming for eleven."
His hands drifted downwards, pulling her against him.
"Um...Jack....," Sam protested.
"Don't worry I'll throw a blanket over it....unless you can think of something better to do while we wait?"
Her face became serious, "We'll talk, Jack."
*****
I told her then. I told her everything. My princess listened without interrupting, her hands holding mine.
One more thing, if you're gonna read this, you'll have to read alot about Samantha. You can skip those parts if you like, but I'm not going to cut them out. She's far too important to this story, especially now she's.....
I still get the shakes, when I think about what happened, and what I almost did to her. They say that it'll stop eventually, but I'm not so sure. We don't see so much of each other now, but that's how it should be. She has other things to consider and I understand that. I wasn't certain that she made the right decision, but I respected her for it and, to be honest, deep down I was pleased. It just means that she can't be at my side all the time. I miss her. But what I want isn't her most important consideration now. I have to let that part of her go. You see, part of her heart now belongs to someone else.
Looking back, I think I fell in love with her before anyone even suspected. The first time I told her ? While I thought she was sleeping...the night I left for P3X767.
*****
P3X767 was heavily forested...no real surprise there. Colonel Jack O'Neill was the first through the gate, closely followed by the members of SG3.
"Lets hurry this up," he told them, "I have an appointment to keep."
"Oh yeah?" Colonel Makepeace questioned, "What's her name?"
"Don't ask, don't tell, Makepeace. Move it out!"
O'Neill led the way into the trees. He had a bad feeling about this mission. For one thing he didn't know why he had been ordered to tag along. SG3 were more than capable of dealing with anything the Gou'ald could throw at them. They didn't need O'Neill. Secondly, his left arm was throbbing from the injections the Doc had given him. Something to do with some weird bacteria that were floating around the atmosphere.....He took a deep breath. The air smelled all right. Thirdly, he really wanted to be around when Carter woke up. He wanted to savour her expression when she opened her eyes and saw him sitting beside her. 'Don't go there', his brain told him. Why was he kidding himself? Like she was going to be interested in him. Then he started wondering if he shouldn't have woken her before he left....would have been better than just leaving her that note. At least when he was out with SG1 he knew exactly where she was and what she was doing.....who she was with. There were alot of guys on the base who wouldn't object to getting up close and personal with Major Carter. Jack didn't trust one of them. OK, Simmons may look innocent, but.....
"Jack?" Makepeace questioned.
With effort O'Neill dragged his mind back to the present mission.
The UAB had picked up the Gou'ald outpost twenty clicks to the south of the gate, but progress through the damp forest was slow. They kept away from the well-trodden path, wary that they could run into jaffa guards at any time. It started to rain, a slow depressing continuous downpour. Before long the team were soaked to the skin and floundering through mud. The rapid onset of darkness forced them to stop for the night. Nothing was dry so they couldn't start a fire. They ended up huddling around the cooking stoves, trying to make the best of unappetising rations. It was cold, wet and no one was in a very good humour. It was at times like this O'Neill really appreciated desert planets. Carter hated them but....What was he doing ! He had to stop thinking about her. Normally he didn't have to, normally she was sitting next to him....which, strangely enough, was actually less distracting.
It was still raining next morning. Jack, on watch, stared out at the falling water. He'd volunteered to take the early shift. Seemed like a good idea at the time, he was usually the first up. This morning he'd actually found it difficult to crawl out of his tent. Three hours later and he still felt less than alert, despite the fact that he'd been drip feeding himself reheated coffee....and he'd always prided himself on his ability to sleep anywhere. There was just something about this planet that made him uneasy. Maybe it was just the rain, maybe it was the fact he wasn't with his own team, maybe......A sudden sound....
"Come out, keep your hands where I can see 'em!" he snapped, his gun aimed into the bushes.
A pair of hands appeared, followed by a figure in fatigues.
"A little jumpy there, aren't we, Jack?"
"Dammit Turner...." O'Neill swore when he recognised the figure. "Tryin' to give an old man heart failure!"
The shorter man sniggered, "How 'bout you? You save my life on P6T998 just to shoot me on P3X767?"
"Don't forget the time I pulled your butt outta the fire in Iraq?"
"What....we're keepin' count now?"
Jack's smile was forced. His attention wandered away from Turner, back to the surrounding trees.
"Something wrong, colonel?" Turner asked.
"I don't know," Jack heard himself admit. "I was just having really weird dreams."
"Good weird or bad weird?"
"Weird, weird....I think I'm starting to have a bad feeling about this mission."
"It's the weather. Give me a nice desert planet every time."
Turner's comment made O'Neill think of Carter again.
"Turner, we're friends, right?" Jack began.
"Yeah."
"This is goin' to sound like a strange request....."
"Name it."
"If I don't get back could you....er....keep an eye on...um....Major Carter for me."
He saw Turner's eyes widen in surprise, but the other man didn't ask the obvious question, so Jack continued, "I mean don't make a big deal or anything, she hates that, an' don't let her intimidate you with long words and stuff. Don't be afraid to stand up to her when she wants to go off and be scientific......."
"Sir."
"Yes?"
"You're rambling."
"Right."
The rest of the makeshift camp was starting to rise.
"Just do it, please," O'Neill urged.
"Sure, whatever."
"I owe you one."
"Remember that when we get back to base and it's your turn to buy the beer."
"Yeah..."
Jack's response seemed less than enthusiastic. In fact, he almost ignored his friend. His eyes were scanning the undergrowth. He gave Turner a hand signal and the other man was instantly alert. Nodding to O'Neill, he moved silently back to the camp to warn the other members of the team. When they returned to O'Neill's position, the colonel had disappeared. They searched for several hours, but found no sign that the man had ever been there.
Makepeace aborted the mission.
The unofficial report read Missing in Action. Officially Colonel O'Neill had been transferred. In reality......
He awoke in his worst nightmare.
He was tied down and there was a Gou'ald host standing over him, with a snake in her hand. O'Neill felt himself tense, ready to scream. This couldn't be happening to him....not again. This time there wasn't a friendly Tok'ra around to save his ass and no Carter to come and rescue him. The Gou'ald slithered across his chest, sliding it's way to the back of his neck. He started to struggle against his bonds. If he could just get free, he could end this. It was nuzzling at the base of his neck, he found himself wanting to scream. In a few moments everything he was, everybody he cared about, would be betrayed. His mind began to panic.
Sam...what would they do to Sam? He hadn't told her. He should have done...he.....
*****
I'd once asked Sam what it felt like having Jolinar inside her head. She never really answered me. I think I know why. You see, however you paint it, Tok'ra or Gou'ald it must be pretty much the same. First there's pain as the worm slides inside you. You can feel it boring its way in, sliding its way through soft tissue. Then you can sense it as it trys to adjust itself to your mental processes. That's when you start to fight. If you're lucky you lose that battle very quickly, just fade into the background as the new personality takes over. If you're unlucky.......It's so much worse. I mean I saw what happened to Kawalski. He went nuts fighting that thing inside. I guess I went the same way. You see I didn't have the chance to lose. That would have been too easy and Maybourne wouldn't have got his live Gou'ald to play with. They got it out of me. I'll give them that much. Don't really understand the technicalities but they managed it. They said it was lucky that it was mostly in my spine and not my brain.
I asked her again yesterday. She admits that she still has to fight the feelings of violation every time one of Jolinar's memories resurfaces. I know she's lying, when she tells me that it gets easier. I guess she does it because she loves me. It's funny, I never would have believed it when we first met. I admit I thought she was going to be nothing but a pain in the butt....and she is....sometimes. OK, she's way smarter than I am, but I like that. I like being able to argue with her and have her explain stuff to me. It's kinda reassuring.
This is one thing we have shared. I guess that's why I was finally able to open up to her. She was the only person I knew who could come close to understanding what I went through.
*****
One day he heard voices. O'Neill had prepared himself. In a way he welcomed it. Anything was better than surviving.
He was still himself. That much he was sure of. He could feel it inside him, but for some reason it hadn't taken control. That was why they had dumped him in this stinking pit of a cell. For the first few days, he had been able to make a conscious note of the time he spent. Then the nightmares started. It couldn't control his waking mind so it attacked his subconscious. He could no longer dream of home, of Sam. That comfort was stripped away from him. Without being able to find the ones he loved in sleep, he could no longer keep himself grounded in reality. The Gou'ald within twisted his fantasies. He'd dream of her sweetness, only to have it torn away from him. His friends turned against him. He saw the woman he wanted as his lover, with another. Everything that he'd ever cared about was taken away, piece by tiny piece.
The Gou'ald didn't leave him alone. Every so often they seemed to remember that he was still there. They'd haul him out of the cell and question him. Some people would have called it torture, but at least he had be trained to deal with simple pain. After a few days they always got bored and took him back to his cell. At first the ruling system lord had attended every session, but, as time went on, he grew tired of O'Neill's silence. The jaffa guards were the only ones who continued to find him entertaining.
Eventually, he couldn't take it anymore. Calmly, he decided to end it all. The next time the door opened, he would do it. Attack. Kill until they stopped him. He started calculating how many of the bastards he could take down with him.
One day he heard voices. The door opened and he flung himself into the light. A figure started towards him but another man held her back.
"Let me go," she hissed.
O'Neill didn't wait any longer. With an angry snarl he rushed at the man, pinning him against the wall, hands at his throat. Kill and keep killing....only then would they let him go, only then could he die.
"Jack No!" the woman screamed.
Something crunched and the man slid to the floor, his head slumped at an unnatural angle, chest caved in.
"Ohmygod!"
O'Neill dropped back. Some part of his brain, was starting to recognise that something was wrong. She knelt close to the man he had killed.
"Sam?" he whispered.
It looked like her, but how could he be sure. He made a grab for her, pulling her to her feet, trying to hold her close to him.
"Don't touch me!" She struggled in his grasp.
He took her face in one hand and forced her to look at him.
"Sir, you're hurting me!"
She was trying to get back to the man on the floor.....O'Neill glanced downwards....Martouf. It was Martouf and she was in love with him. This was just another dream. He was still in the cell and no one had opened the door.
"No! Isn't you, can't be you, 'nother damn trick," he heard himself shout.
"Let go of me!"
This was just a dream and he was allowed to hurt her for betraying him. Or...or....the gou'ald had started to affect his conscious mind. These were jaffa, not his friends. He could still do it. They could still kill him. He struck out with his hand, catching her across the face. His next blow knocked her against the wall, as if she were nothing more than rag doll. She spat blood as she climbed to her feet. He felt hands attempt to restrain him, but he wasn't about to let anyone stop his quest for destruction. He turned his attention back to the woman. As he raised his hand again, he felt a flash of pain as something struck his shoulder.
No one heard him whisper "Thank you," as he collapsed.
*****
Turner must have told Sam where I was. It had to be him. Just one of the ways he looked after her while I was gone. All right, most of the time she didn't exactly appreciate it, but that's just the way Turner is. I was grateful. He did what he promised...even when it came to putting a bullet into his friend. He's a good man.
The months I spent in hospital were....difficult. I know Sam came to see me once, but like the asshole I can be, I ignored her. My excuse.....I was pretty strung out on the meds.
When they released me, the first thing I did was run to Sara. Still don't know why. I guess there was no one else. She was good to me and let me stay until Sam came for me. And before you ask...no, we didn't sleep together. We both knew that we had nothing left but friendship. The fact that Sam showed up finally rammed that idea home. I'd moved on without even realising it.
I told Sam everything that had happened to me. After all the words we were quiet for a long time and she held me close against her heart. My Sam, my beautiful Samantha. I think I cried and she kissed the tears away.
There were still questions to be answered. First and foremost...
*****
"Why didn't the Gou'ald take you as a host?" Sam asked. "Unless you're immune.....but that doesn't seem likely."
Jack shrugged. She had that little frown on her face again, as she ran his words back through her mind. Climbing off the bed, she started to pace the floor.
"There's something wrong here, very wrong," she continued.
"Sam...Sam...sit down. You're makin' me dizzy."
"I've had one of these things in my head, Jack. I know what happens. This just doesn't seem right. There has to be a reason."
"What? Like I took some kind of anti-Gou'ald potion ?"
She held her head in her hands for a few seconds. There was something in what he said. Perhaps there was a chemical method.... Sometimes this man came up with ideas that bordered on the genius.
"How do you do that?" she asked.
"Do what?"
"Never mind."
A less than discreet cough interrupted the conversation.
"...Oh...Come in why don't ya," Jack muttered.
The guard shuffled into the room. Sam did a double take, "Turner," she stated.
"Yes, Ma'am," he smirked. The soldier appraised the couple before adding, "Purely professional relationship?"
Sam treated him to a killer look, but, to her surprise, Jack went over and shook the man's hand.
"I owe you one," he said.
"By my count we're just about even," Turner replied. "General wants to see you. The little grey men have arrived."
"Lead on."
Jack turned to Sam and gave her a tender kiss, "I'll be back later. It'll be OK, Sam."
"I hope so," she replied, as she watched him walk down the corridor. He hadn't made the obvious connection. It never even occurred to him that he could be betrayed by his own.
He had said that he'd had some shots before leaving for P3X767. That wasn't normal procedure.....they had all been immunised before being selected for gate travel. She'd read the specs. on P3X767, there wasn't anything there to warrant any extra precautions. So Jack had been infected with a Gou'ald, one he had been able to bring back and it had almost cost him his sanity.
"Dammit!" she swore to herself.
The whole mission had been a setup and Jack had been the equivalent of a lab. rat. She grabbed the bedside lamp and hurled it against the wall, wishing it was Maybourne's head. Slimy little bastard. He'd overstepped the mark this time. She wasn't going to let him get away with it. He would have covered his tracks, so there was probably nothing she could do officially. Besides, just beating crap out of him would be too easy....although tremendously satisfying.
Maybourne was in the mess hall, nursing a cup of coffee. Sam allowed herself a feral grin. Good, he was alone. She didn't want witnesses.
"Mind if I sit here?" Sam asked as she took the seat across from him.
"Actually, I...," he started to reply.
"I'm considered pretty easy going, but you have really managed to piss me off."
"I don't recall giving you permission to speak freely, major."
"That was because I didn't ask. I know what you did to Jack....and tried to do to the rest of SG3."
"You have no proof."
"Trust me.... I'll find some. Now......Why them?"
"They have Special Forces training and are better able to resist mind control techniques, torture...."
Sam slammed her hand down, knocking his coffee to the floor.
"How can you be so damn cold about messing with these men's lives?" she yelled at him.
"Considering what we may have gained, they were expendable, Major."
Something inside Sam snapped. She jumped to her feet, and kicked out at the table between them. It shattered. Maybourne slid out of his chair and backed away from the angry woman. She kept advancing until his back was against the wall. With effort, she brought herself under control. She'd promised herself that she wasn't going to lay a finger on him, however tempted she might be.
"You should be happy," he stammered, "We can immunise you people against Gou'ald infestation."
"No," she whispered to him. "No one is immune. It screws up your mind, Maybourne."
"We just need to run a few more tests."
"If you hurt him, if you hurt anyone again...." she left the threat hanging.
"What are you going to do, major? Last I looked, murder was still illegal."
The man was actually smirking. Sam stood and bent close to him and she lowered her voice.
"One day you're going to go through that gate. I'll just make sure the computer doesn't recognise your access code on the way back. All they'll ever see is a malfunction. Let's face facts. No one is going to miss you."
"I'll have you up on charges!"
"Fuck you, sir."
She gave him a smile and walked out of the mess hall.
"What'ya been doin'?" Jack asked when she found him in the gate room.
"Just chatting with my good pal, Colonel Maybourne," Sam replied. She slipped an arm about his waist and rested her head on his shoulder.
"That must have been an interesting conversation."
"It was. How were the negotiations?"
"Ya gotta love those guys." His attention was drawn back to the gate.
"What now?" she asked.
"Home, bed and sleep...." he looked down at her, before adding, ".......eventually."
*****
'Hey, hey, we saved the world today,
Everybody's happy now, the bad thing went away'
The car radio played softly as they drove away from the base. Sam dozed in the passenger seat, her hand resting on Jack's thigh.
"You know what we should do?" Jack said, suddenly.
"What?" came the drowsy reply.
"Go to Vegas."
"Vegas?"
"Back to those one word answers again, Sam."
She turned her head to look at him, her brow furrowed as she deliberately formed a complete sentence, "Why do you want to go to Vegas?"
"Because I want to get a ring on your finger before Hammond drags me back to the SGC."
"Is that some kind of proposal?"
"Er.....Yeah?"
"Woah...I never thought...I mean I didn't expect....You wanna marry me?"
"For richer, for poorer, for better for worse.......the whole nine yards."
"Jack, I don't know what to say."
"Yes, would be a start."
She was wide awake now and staring at him as if he had grown another head and an extra arm.
"Vegas....tonight?" she asked.
"We don't have to. I just thought....I mean if you wanted to..."
"You don't have any idea what to say, do you?"
He paused, then swung the car to the side of the road and brought it to a halt.
"Yes, I do know what I'm going to say. Samantha, I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I want it to start right now."
"You want happy ever after, Jack?"
He nodded, unconsciously holding his breath. If she said no....
"I should think about this," she told him, "I should go home, get some sleep, and make a well-balanced decision."
"You should?"
"I should....but I'm not going to. Take me to Vegas, Jack."
Jack didn't trust himself to reply. He held her very tightly for a few seconds, before starting the car and moving back into the traffic.
"Could we swing by and pick up Daniel and Teal'c?" She added. "I'd kinda like them to be there. Daniel can be your best man."
"Where does that leave Teal'c.....Maid of honour?"
"I think he'll look just gorgeous in pink taffeta."
*****
So we got married. In retrospect, we probably should have waited a while. There was stuff we should've discussed. I'm not saying marryin' Sam was a mistake, but the first few months couldn't have been fun for her. Although I went back to the SGC it was only on restricted duty. Let's face facts, I was still a psychological mess.
I made Sam take me to see Martouf's grave. Big mistake. It was the worst day of my life. I shouldn't have forced her into it, there were too many bad memories for both of us. Then I did something really stupid. I accused her of loving him.
Why do I do it? I mean, why do I hurt the people I love? I did it to Sara and then I tried Sam. Her face...I'll never forget it. I had no right to do that. So she cast Sara back at me, then I brought up Nerine....The situation degraded from there. Eventually, Jacob had me hurled back through the Stargate, and told me to stay the hell away from his daughter.
In the end....in the end I was damn lucky. I swallowed my pride and begged. My princess came back to me. It's not a mistake I'll ever repeat, but I have to be careful. Sam won't just sit back and take crap from me if she thinks there's no good reason. She'd have made one hell of a general....if she hadn't made the decision to leave the military eighteen months after we got married. As I've already said, I respected her choice. My objections were purely selfish. As the months passed I realised that she did the right thing, otherwise the worry would have sent me to an early grave.
Our first child was born two weeks ago. A boy. Jacob Charles Daniel O'Neill. I wanted to add Teal'c but Sam said he'd have one hell of a problem explaining that to the kids at school. She's right of course. Motherhood has done wonderful things to my Samantha. In my eyes she's even more beautiful. I look at her and Jake and I just get....I don't know. I guess I'm getting soft in my old age. Who cares? They're mine and I love them.
You know I've been married before, but there's a great deal of a difference between Sara and Samantha. I'm not saying that I never loved Sara, far from it, but she let me walk out of her life and Sam wouldn't do that. I know because I tried. Just once....I didn't even get as far as the car, before she hauled me back into the house. Sam is strong in more ways than one. Here's a tip....never arm wrestle with her. And she has a disturbing knack of getting exactly what she wants.
I've been a father before. The less I say about that, the better, but I took the gun outta the house the day Jake was born. If my Sam can't protect him, no one can.
My wife's out with the girls tonight. I don't mind, I can spend time with Jake and do the doting Dad thing. After all, he's pretty damn perfect. He has my eyes....with luck he'll have Sam's IQ. My wife...I still get a kick outta calling her that.
Setting this down has been kinda therapeutic, but I pity anyone who actually has to sit and read it. As I finish writing my son is sleeping on my chest. I think I might join him.
THE END
Story Notes: This is the third story in the trilogy and will hopefully explain most things ;) :)
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]