Silence.
Major Samantha Carter sat at the foot of the ramp, cradling Martouf's head and. . . crying? Tears welled behind her eyes, but not one undignified sound came from this soldier. From deep within her came memories of a decade of passion-filled nights and longing-filled separations. Unbidden memories of the sacred knowledge of a century of love flooded her mind as surely as though the memory device hadn't been removed mere moments ago.
'The memory device. . .the Colonel.' Sam let her eyes find the Colonel's as, slowly, people around her began to move.
Because of the memory device, she now knew something that she had barely dared to hope. 'He cares about me, in a way that he should never have been forced to admit, but he does. Can what I feel for the Colonel ever be like the depths of love that Jolinar felt for Lantash?'
People spoke around her, but she didn't really hear. Janet said something about an autopsy, and hands gently pulled the body out of her arms.
"No." She whispered weakly, but she did not resist. Jolinar, too was a soldier. She and Lantash were military as sure as were the Major and Colonel. But while the Tok'ra social structure didn't allow for the luxuries of a home with children playing in the yard, it did allow those two operatives over one hundred years of love and companionship.
As Sam felt Colonel O'Neill lift her to her feet and envelop her protectively in his arms, the feelings of loss overwhelmed her, and the hot tears broke through.
Soon, her muffled sobs were the only sound in the gate room as the crowd proceeded to the summit. They were alone.
"I don't think I knew the depth of real love until I felt Jolinar's love for him." Sam said into the growing damp spot on the Colonel's shirt.
He was silent. She felt his arms fall from around her, and she winced, regretting her confession. Looking into the eyes of the man who had risked so much for her, she saw profound pain.
"Sir, I didn't. . ."
His eyes had the same stricken expression she had seen through the Goa'uld force shield, and she silently pleaded with him to understand. Tears threatened to fall again, and she buried her face in her hands.
Her mind screamed with the injustice of the timing. 'He has to know! It's him!' A sob choked from her, but she was again surprised as one strong arm drew her forward, and one gentle hand held her head against a broad chest.
"It's gonna be okay, Carter." He murmured, stroking her hair until her breathing returned to normal.
As she calmed down, she was able to appreciate the soft warmth of his cheek resting on her head for a few minutes before gently removing herself from his embrace. A weak smile relaxed her face as she squared her shoulders. "Thank you, Sir."
He nodded. His colonel exterior hardened around him, allowing only a stiff grin and an even stiffer, "No problem."
Sam saw that her brief window of opportunity to talk was closing. All of the things she desperately wanted to say were overshadowed by the need to make an exit. "Guess we weren't really dressed for the summit anyway."
"Yep."
"I'm tired too. I must still have that sedative in me."
"Probably."
She took a few tentative backward steps toward the door. "See ya', Sir."
"Get some sleep, Carter." She watched as he finally turned away.
***
It was evening before Sam woke up. The sedative, only temporarily overridden by adrenaline, had enforced a deep sleep. Her mind was troubled by a dream image of the Colonel falling from a zat blast.
She sat up and noted the absence of the laptop computer from her desk. Realizing that it must have been left in her cell, she decided to go see if anything else had been left there.
As she walked the hall that led to the holding rooms, she began to mull over the memory of the Colonel walking away from her, not even saying good-bye. Janet had said he had agreed to the proceedure because he hoped it would help her. Yet another time he was willing to give his life rather than loose her. This was becoming a frightening habit.
She entered the room purposefully, but stopped short at the sight of Colonel O'Neill sitting on the bed with his head in his hands. He looked up at the sound of her gasp.
"Sorry, Sir. I didn't expect-"
"It's all right. I didn't think you'd come back." He looked at her with a puzzled look. "Why did you come back?"
"Forgot my computer." She walked toward the object, but didn't move to pick it up. "You?"
"Came to get my yo-yo."
Deciding against the argument that he was in the wrong room, she opted to cross to him and try to sit. "I didn't get a chance to thank you."
"You did."
She sat beside him, the warmth of his shoulder a lot more comforting than the haunted look in his eyes. "I mean, for earlier, when you were willing to sacrifice yourself. . ."
"Well, you're kinda worth saving, Carter. Isn't that what all the testing was about?"
Sam's hands were twisting together in her lap, and she looked down nervously at them. Without looking up, she said softly "Things seem a little clearer now. What I said before about not knowing what love was before Jolinar..."
"Carter. . . Sam, there's no need to explain.." Jack interrupted.
"No, let me finish. . . please." She continued, finding the courage to look back up at him. "I cried because I was afraid that we would never have that chance to love, but now I know. Real love is what you were doing for me." She reached over and briefly squeezed his hand.
The silence between them continued for an age. Jack seemed to be struggling to say something very important to him. Shifting his gaze back to the opposite wall, he whispered, "So, you think we'll get that chance, one day?"
"One day." She replied, never more certain of anything.
*the end*
Story Notes: EMAIL: feedallie@scififan.com
PAIRING: Sam/Jack (Jolinar/Lantash, but only memories `cause they're dead for cryin' out loud!)
EPISODE RELATED: Divide and Conquer
SPOILERS/SEASON: 4
FEEDBACK: please :) Feed the writer, feed the muse.
DISCLAIMER: "All publicly recognizable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author."
AUTHORS NOTE: Thousands of thanks to Ted, my fanfic mentor, for his great suggestions, especially some of Jack's dialogue. Thanks to Tara and Ashke for the beta.
Copyright 2003 (c) Allie O'Neal
PAIRING: Sam/Jack (Jolinar/Lantash, but only memories `cause they're dead for cryin' out loud!)
EPISODE RELATED: Divide and Conquer
SPOILERS/SEASON: 4
FEEDBACK: please :) Feed the writer, feed the muse.
DISCLAIMER: "All publicly recognizable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author."
AUTHORS NOTE: Thousands of thanks to Ted, my fanfic mentor, for his great suggestions, especially some of Jack's dialogue. Thanks to Tara and Ashke for the beta.
Copyright 2003 (c) Allie O'Neal
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]